r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

Story is pretty boring, but top comment had me cackling like a fool.

AITA for buying my(23M) girlfriend(19F) fake perfume?

quote:

I (23M) have dated my girlfriend (19F) for a little under a year now. I�ve come to love her a lot and my love language is gift giving. My girlfriend has always been the type of girl that�s just hard not to love. She�s the definition of magnetic. Guys always approach her and understandably, she�s a high caliber girl. She could easily be anyone�s dream girl. Looks amazing and everything about her is feminine, down to her hands and how she comforts me or makes me food. She has an �expensive� look to her, but she does all her self care her self and is amazingly cost efficient about it. As a result, the kinds of guys that go after her are usually trust fund babies or are highly ambitious (med school, law school, business start-ups, things like that), despite herself not being anywhere in that tax bracket. This isn�t her fault because I�ve seen myself that she never entertains anyone but she just has that affect on people. It makes me feel like less of a man because I�m nothing like those guys and honestly it makes me feel like a bum.

One day while walking past her computer, I notice that she was looking at a designer perfume and I told her I�ll get it for her. She�s adamant that she doesn�t want me to get it for her and that she was just kind of day/dreaming about it. Shes literally never asked me for anything but I wanted to show her that I can take care of her and spoil her too.

I look into it and the perfume is 300 loving dollars. What the gently caress. I don�t see the point in something like that but honestly my pride would be hurt if I went back on my word, so I find the perfume for a much greater value on eBay.

Today comes and I gift her the perfume. She unwraps the present, sprays it on her hand to smell it and her face is a blank expression, like shes trying to decide how to react. I ask her what�s wrong and she gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, thanking me that I wanted to get her something nice. I don�t know why, but it made me feel like poo poo, I was expecting a much bigger reaction. I keep pushing her as to why it seems like she doesn�t like her gift and she tells me that she loves the idea, but it�s obviously fake. I feel like this was an extremely ungrateful thing to say and I called her a brat for even caring if the perfume is fake or not. I also said that she�s materialistic due to the fact that she could supposedly even tell it was fake by merely looking at it and smelling it once. She says that it�s dumb that i made a big show about getting it for her if I was just going to do this, and that what i got her is nothing like the original perfume that it couldn�t even be considered an imitation. I think it shouldn�t matter because I practically still got her the perfume she wanted, I just didn�t drop 300 for it. This is making me see her in a different light.

So reddit, AITA?

TLDR; I got my girlfriend a fake for a 300 dollar perfume she wanted. Apparently she could automatically tell it was fake and it made her look really materialistic and ungrateful. AITA for getting her a fake?

Evil Willow posted:

You: YOU MATERIALISTIC BRAT! FETCH MY DIZZY COUCH! I AM FATALLY WOUNDED!

It's a dizzying couch you loving idiot redditor, for the sole purpose of getting dizzy on it.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:14

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

EVERY TIME GOING posted:

getting dizzy on it.

Oh na na na na nah. Oh na na na na nah

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:21

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Uncle Enzo posted:

Please, can we get more fake stories. More one-handed stories. More questions about how much to tip the guy who switched your cat for an identical one.

Nothing can be worse than the edits thanking everyone for upvoting and post flair. I'm not 100% sure why but they bug the hell out of me.

well, if u insist

TIFU: I'm the biggest idiot on this planet

quote:

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

My girlfriend probably won't ever have sex with me again, or atleast for weeks.

Today me (M29) and my girlfriend (F25) we're getting saucy on the bed. And me knowing she loves when i rim her, so she goes on her fours, ready to receive. As i get my tongue in there, pretty soon out of nowhere she rips out this ungodly big fart right on my face and in my mouth.

I felt like vomiting but knowing that the poor girl is probably in a shock from the shame, she didn't flinch, just stayed there silent in shock.

And i try to make her feel better and not so embarassed, my dumbass thought this was a good thing to say to lighten up the situation:"Mmm-m, tastes like your mothers cooking. Is that tuna i taste?"

She jumps from the bed, crying, bawling her eyes out while running to the bathroom. And she stays there for a good while. I'm behind the door, apologizing and telling her that it's okay, it happens and it's just human body doing it's thing. I don't hear anything from the bathroom.

....Then i make the situation even worse .... I feel a fart coming, then i rip out one and say "Look! It's normal! It's just fart!" And she hasn't hear me fart ever probably i don't wanna do that around her. But yeah, i start hearing loud crying again from the bathroom ...

She was there for over an hour and right now she's staying in the bedroom and won't come out ..

Tf is wrong with me

TL;DR Girlfriend farted in my mouth accidentally, i threw a joke about it and she's been crying nonstop and won't come out of the bedroom.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:29

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

the holy poopacy posted:

well, if u insist

TIFU: I'm the biggest idiot on this planet

No I fully believe a redditor would do and say that in such a scenario.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:36

IOwnCalculus: Apr 2, 2003

AngryRobotsInc posted:

To me Coke Zero tastes basically little different from regular Coke anymore, but Diet still tastes very different. I 99.9% of the time drink Diet or Zero Sugar versions of soda so I can pretend I'm making the healthier choice, but I'll still grab the regular versions if that's all the available, because I don't have a medical reason for it, so I get to taste all the different versions fairly regularly. Similarly, Zero Sugar Dr. Pepper > Diet Dr. Pepper, but I can't find that one for poo poo right now.

Diet Coke makes more sense when you realize that, despite the name, it's not really trying to be a diet version of Coke and that New Coke was basically Diet Coke with HFCS instead of zero-calorie sweeteners.

Nearly anything is better than the original formulation of Diet Sprite, though. That poo poo was awful.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:40

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

fart in he mouth? shameful

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:41

Bodnoirbabe: Apr 30, 2007

EVERY TIME GOING posted:

It's a dizzying couch you loving idiot redditor, for the sole purpose of getting dizzy on it.

It's a fainting couch, you goon, you absolute goon!

# ? Nov 8, 2021 05:44

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

couches can't faint, rear end in a top hat

# ? Nov 8, 2021 06:41

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for saying my brother ruined his own life and it's no one else's problem but his?

quote:

One of my cousins is engaged and they are having a wedding in another state because his future wife has 2 relatives who live there. They are in their 90s and can't travel easily. Everyone else who is invited to the wedding is not as old and is healthy and would have no problem making the 2.5 hour drive there.

My parents got upset when they found out about the wedding being there because it means one of my brothers can't go. Legally he can't leave the state right now because of legal issues. The cousin who is getting married is the son of my mom's sister. When my parents got upset my aunt and some other relatives tried to convince my cousin's future wife to change the wedding venue. My cousin basically told them to leave her alone and shove it and said he isn't having 2 90+ year olds being taken on an uncomfortable car trip that would be at least 2 hours away. Those venues close to the state border that my mom and aunt and relatives suggested also booked up and my cousin would have to push his wedding back by a lot. He said the wedding is happening at the original venue which is in the other state and 10 minutes away from the nursing home.

I'm an usher in the wedding and my mom and aunt are a bit mad I won't try to convince my cousin to move the venue. My brother can't be an usher because of this. My dad also agrees even though he isn't as vocal as my mom is. Personally I don't think it is any of my business. The last time my mom and aunt asked me to talk to my cousin on behalf of my brother I said he is an adult who can do it himself and he has no one to blame but himself because all the legal issues are his own fault and no one else's. My mom said the legal problems ruined his life and I said he did it himself. Now my parents, brother, aunt and various other relatives are PO'd at me for saying my brother ruined his own life and caused his own problems because they all got told what I said.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for saying my brother ruined his own life and it's no one else's problem but his?

(Since I know people will ask what he did: His girlfriend was in car accident. He went to the scene and pretended to be a random pedestrian who saw everything from the sidewalk to the cops and the insurance company. He lied about the other driver causing the accident even though his girlfriend did. The other driver and another car who wasn't involved both had dash cameras that contradicted what he said and showed he wasn't even on the sidewalk. He also forgot the car was registered to both of them so the insurance company and the cops figured out he wasn't a random witness. There was a criminal court case and a lawsuit he had to go through and another court case for breaking the terms of his probation from the first case. He is still dealing with the fallout and will be for many years. It's not relevant to my question but I know people will be curious)

l, ol

e:

quote:

The other driver was an off duty doctor and I think criminal charges could affect her job but I'm not sure. My brother was stupid. He found out his girlfriend was cheating on him after the accident but they are still on again off again, I'm not sure because he's had other girlfriends since then.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 07:37

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

couches can't faint, rear end in a top hat

I swear I read this saying "couches can't fart, rear end in a top hat" and I'm convinced that you edited it quickly enough so that the edit notification didn't show up on it.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 08:10

Collapsing Farts: Jun 29, 2018; ð

I fart constantly at home

I am like a living fart engine and my wife is living in perpetual farts

# ? Nov 8, 2021 08:12

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Mx. posted:

AITA for saying my brother ruined his own life and it's no one else's problem but his?

l, ol

e:

That second update is the overconfident "these edibles ain't poo poo" of this thread

# ? Nov 8, 2021 08:26

Canuckistan: Jan 14, 2004; I'm the greatest thing since World War III.; Soiled Meat

quote:

Edit: people keep asking for the recipe so I'll just pop it on here instead of replying to everyone:

Okay so the measurements for the spices are all really rough cause I kinda just eyeball it but this is what I do to make like 4 portions:

-500g sweet potatoes, peeled & roughly chopped

1 large red pepper, peeled deseeded and roughly chopped

2 onions (I usually use red but any will do) peeled and roughly chopped

2tsp cumin

2tsp smoked paprika

2tsp chili powder

salt and pepper to taste

500ml veggie stock

olive oil

Preheat oven to 200C (idk what in F sorry), put chopped veggies in roasting tray and coat with oil and seasonings. Roast in oven for 45 minutes or until veggies are soft.

Place softened veg into a blender with hot veggie stock and blend to liquid (or put into a large pan and blend with immersion blender). The thickness can vary, sometimes I feel like I have to add more veggie stock here but sometimes it's fine. Also, I find it creamy enough as is with the taters, but you can also add some cream or milk here if you want it extra indulgent.

Trip report - good soup.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 12:21

reignonyourparade: Nov 15, 2012

IOwnCalculus posted:

Diet Coke makes more sense when you realize that, despite the name, it's not really trying to be a diet version of Coke and that New Coke was basically Diet Coke with HFCS instead of zero-calorie sweeteners.

Nearly anything is better than the original formulation of Diet Sprite, though. That poo poo was awful.

Diet coke is absolutely trying to be a diet version of coke, it's just an outdated diet version of coke that some people happen to have developed a taste for so they kept making it after new artificial sweeteners enabled them to do a better job of making a diet version of coke.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 12:47

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Canuckistan posted:

Trip report - good soup.

Thread has successfully improved one persons life, we can shut it down

# ? Nov 8, 2021 13:06

MisterOblivious: Mar 17, 2010; by sebmojo

Arsenic Lupin posted:

This lady both rocks and rolls.
AITA for my petty response to my boyfriend's purposeful incompetence about chores?

She """wins""" a manipulative piece of poo poo BF that just happened to suddenly forget how to do every task asked of him that he previously completed successfully.

reignonyourparade posted:

Diet coke is absolutely trying to be a diet version of coke, it's just an outdated diet version of coke that some people happen to have developed a taste for so they kept making it after new artificial sweeteners enabled them to do a better job of making a diet version of coke.

Aye. Pepsi used to produce a sugar free "energy drink" diet cola that slapped. It hardly tasted "diet" and had like double the caffeine. Still came in the same 12oz/20oz packaging at the same price.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 13:42

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

My ex-wife once tried to give me a blowjob while drunk and ended up puking on my dick. It was dark so I didn't immediately realize what had happened so she slurred that everything was fine while picking chunks of curry chicken out of my pubic hair.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 14:27

TheWeedNumber: Apr 20, 2020; by sebmojo

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My ex-wife once tried to give me a blowjob while drunk and ended up puking on my dick. It was dark so I didn't immediately realize what had happened so she slurred that everything was fine while picking chunks of curry chicken out of my pubic hair.

lol

# ? Nov 8, 2021 14:59

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My ex-wife once tried to give me a blowjob while drunk and ended up puking on my dick. It was dark so I didn't immediately realize what had happened so she slurred that everything was fine while picking chunks of curry chicken out of my pubic hair.

Can we edit the forums code so this will fit as a thread title, pleeeeeaaaaaase

# ? Nov 8, 2021 15:09

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

Corky busting in with these once in a lifetime bizarre life experiences that he has dozens of and we'd be lucky (???) to have even one of is my favorite thing in this thread since Cumshitter used to let us know how how disappointing his straight son was.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 15:19

Total Meatlove: Jan 28, 2007; Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;

Johnny Truant posted:

Can we edit the forums code so this will fit as a thread title, pleeeeeaaaaaase

Does Tipsy Chick Tikka Chicken Topper Chunder not fit?

# ? Nov 8, 2021 15:23

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

Someone buy this man an av.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 16:41

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Evil Willow posted:

I swear I read this saying "couches can't fart, rear end in a top hat" and I'm convinced that you edited it quickly enough so that the edit notification didn't show up on it.

why would I post a lie like that?

# ? Nov 8, 2021 16:44

Involuntary Sparkle: Aug 12, 2004; Chemo-kitties can have �accidents� too!

reignonyourparade posted:

Diet coke is absolutely trying to be a diet version of coke, it's just an outdated diet version of coke that some people happen to have developed a taste for so they kept making it after new artificial sweeteners enabled them to do a better job of making a diet version of coke.

I used to work for Coke R&D. Diet Coke was definitely developed as it's own beverage vs Classic Coke but Coke Zero was developed to be as close to Classic Coke as possible.

The natural flavors used in Diet Coke are different than Classic Coke, uses aspartame as a sweetener, and it uses citric acid along with the phosphoric. Coke Zero uses the same natural flavor system as Classic Coke and doesn't use citric acid, along with using ace K and aspartame, because that combination has a closer sucrose equivalence and sweetener curve to HFCS.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 16:57

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Funktastic posted:

AITA for not going along with my roommates Thanksgiving plans

quote:

Edit2: Few people asked, why they insist that the cousin sleeps in my room and I in the hotel, not the other way around: I don't really know. They only gave me the reason that the cousin would help with preparations and had a long travel time. My guess is they just wanted a reason the get me out completely. But that is speculation on my part.

One valid reason they want the cousin to sleep at the location is they don't want to cousin to drive drunk back to the hotel and that staying at their place would be best.

Cousin can crash on the couch. NTA.

Also yes they want the foreigner out of the house and not interfering with the family festivities. OP's speculation is right. At no point should anyone go into their room.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 16:59

RoboRodent: Sep 19, 2012

I can't tell the difference between diet and regular coke.

But, and this might be why, I really don't like cola. They both taste like cola.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:00

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Involuntary Sparkle posted:

I used to work for Coke R&D. Diet Coke was definitely developed as it's own beverage vs Classic Coke but Coke Zero was developed to be as close to Classic Coke as possible.

The natural flavors used in Diet Coke are different than Classic Coke, uses aspartame as a sweetener, and it uses citric acid along with the phosphoric. Coke Zero uses the same natural flavor system as Classic Coke and doesn't use citric acid, along with using ace K and aspartame, because that combination has a closer sucrose equivalence and sweetener curve to HFCS.

Ok, so how about cane sugar Classic CocaCola? Like the Kosher version or the Hecho en Mexico version? Did you work on those?

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:04

Tetramin: Apr 1, 2006; I'ma buck you up.

The real sugar versions of coke, Dew, etc all tasted worse to me when I tried them. As a red blooded American I will die for HFCS

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:09

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Everyone post your favorite soda!

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:18

welcome to hell: Jun 9, 2006

i also prefer the hfcs version of coke. i live in europe now and the coke just doesn't taste right. probably a good thing since i'm less likely to buy it.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:18

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Tetramin posted:

As a red blooded American I will die ~~for~~ from HFCS

FTFY

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:20

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Uncle Enzo posted:

Nothing can be worse than the edits thanking everyone for upvoting and post flair. I'm not 100% sure why but they bug the hell out of me.

yeah, it's that reddit tone that makes me want to be cruel

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:20

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Everyone post your favorite soda!

A-Treat Cream Soda!! It was red!

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:21

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Never trust a red cream pie.

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:22

BIG FLUFFY DOG: Feb 16, 2011; On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Everyone post your favorite soda!

a crisp ale-8 is the perfect treat for sitting on the porch on a crisp autumn day

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:25

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 18:30

Casual Encountess: Dec 14, 2005; "You can see how they go from being so sweet to tearing your face off,
just like that,
and it's amazing to have that range."

Thunderdome Exclusive

drink moxie or gently caress off

# ? Nov 8, 2021 17:31

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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