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MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

My (30F) fiancé (28M) has been up for 3 days straight … I’m suspicious

quote:

Hey all

So.. basically I would just like an outside looking in opinion on this..

My fiancé has been up since Saturday morning. The last time he slept was Friday night. And as far as I know, the last time he has eaten was Friday dinner. It is now early Tuesday morning here.

I am suspicious that maybe he’s on drugs? This isn’t the first time he has done this. However he’s home the entire time.. he just kind of zones out and works in the garage on vehicles for days and days at a time. He calls off work, looks like death and doesn’t eat or barely drinks anything. I basically don’t even see him unless I go out to the garage and talk to him. He’s called off work so much that he’s facing repercussions…. He keeps saying “I’m taking the day so I can sleep” and then doesn’t sleep, just keeps working on his vehicles.

Is this like maybe normal when someone is really into something like fixing a vehicle? Or should I start looking for signs that he’s doing drugs or something… if I ask him directly if he’s on something he reassures me that he is not. He is not the most truthful person in the world so I’m not sure that I believe him

Any advice would be great… thank you

Comment from the OP
No mental illness but when we first got together about 8 years ago he was coming clean from meth… he once told me he likes to feel sleep deprived because it “makes him feel loopy and out of it”

:thunk:

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bell jar
Feb 25, 2009

MarcusSA posted:

Wife (31f) says she has crush on a friend (37m) but wants to continue to hang out with him in a group setting.

Isn't this an episode of The Simpsons?

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
While choosing to leave a partner over sexual incompatibility is totally fair, it's also fair to decide not to talk with someone because they made a decision for their sexual health that ended up hurting their family in a massive way.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

bell jar posted:

Isn't this an episode of The Simpsons?

Kinda. Homer Buys a custom ball for her birthday and she takes up bowling to spite him. She thing kinda has a fling with one of the bowling dudes.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


AITA for not bringing my wife to son's wedding?

quote:

I(60M) raised a son(25M) and a daughter(26F) with my wife(61F). My wife's parents were very racist and against anything LGBT. My wife has the same beliefs as her family and it caused a lot of stress with the family. My son came out as bisexual when he was 15 and I fully supported him. I made sure that he had everything he needed and helped keep his relationships private until he turned 18 and moved out. My wife found out that he was happily in a relationship with another man and cut all contact with him.

When our daughter moved out and graduated college, she fell in love with a guy from Australia. She invited us out to dinner to meet her new boyfriend and my wife wouldn't even get out of the car.

Son and his husband had a small wedding planned this past October. When we received the invites, I asked my wife if she was going to attend her son's wedding. She argued that she wanted nothing to do with son's relationship and would never consider his husband her SIL. I went to the wedding alone and helped pay for most of the wedding. Son was disappointed that his mother wasn't at the wedding. My wife is still very upset that I attended his wedding and keep in contact with both of them. Wife is upset that I keep in close contact with both of them and will help with their finances.

AITA for not bringing my wife to son's wedding?

why the gently caress are you happily married to a racist homophobe dude

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat

Mx. posted:

AITA for not bringing my wife to son's wedding?

why the gently caress are you happily married to a racist homophobe dude

well see she does this thing with a grapefruit

The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005

bell jar posted:

Isn't this an episode of The Simpsons?

There's even an active thread in GBS named after it.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3986382

Homer gives Marge a bowling ball with "Homer" engraved on it, and she takes up bowling to spite him and almost cheats on him with a sexy bowling cassanova.

MarcusSA
Sep 23, 2007

I just got into a fight with my wife about her smoking habit and I'm not sure if I should feel bad.

quote:

My (31M) wife (30F) and I just got into a fight about her pot habit and I feel kinda guilty. She smokes and I do not. I don't care that she smokes and I never have cared ( I used to as well). Right now she's a stay at home Mom at my request and I don't mind one bit. It's good for our daughter, she's a really good mommy and I mean really good. Some days I don't know how she does it. I told her that I didn't mind in the least buying her some wax when she needs it. It helps with her anxiety and she doesn't have any other vices. She doesn't drink or anything. The fight started because she spent a hundred dollars 7 days ago for her stuff and today she told me that tomorrow she will need another hundred dollars to go buy more. I got upset because in my eyes she is smoking entirely too much. A 400 dollar a month habbit is insane to me. We could probably afford it but that's not the point. We're trying to save for a house and we want to repay some old debts in collections before we do so spending 400 bucks a month on weed really pushes it as far as what we can then save. She said that it's wrong for me to get upset as I told her I would buy it when she needs it. Then she told me of it's that big of a deal she'll just start working. But to me she's missing the point....to me it doesn't matter who makes the money or where it comes from. As a married couple with goals we should be trying to budged better than that. It's a luxury thing that should be conserved in my eyes. She tells me that I'm out of touch with the costs and that it's a "Normal habit". She gets 3.5 grams of some really good shatter for that to last 6 days is just crazy to me. Is she right? Am I really out of touch here? Can some other smokers weigh in?

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012
Man, another episode of “the Sam Hill, Reddit?”

AITA for not turning off my cat's TV show to avoid an argument with my ex?

quote:

Hi all, I'm new to reddit and don't post much

My ex and I were best friends in high school then had a short relationship in 2016 that ended with him basically ghosting me. We reconnected in 2020 and it was a whirlwind of on and off drama.

Anyway, I live on my own with my cat who gets treated like royalty. My ex has expressed several times his displeasure of my house "being a shrine to my cat" because of how much my cat has and how much I do to accommodate him. He has expressed before that he is not jealous of the cat, just annoyed that I give him so much attention and will choose the cat first. Meh, sounds like insecurities over a cat to me.

A few weeks ago, we needed to talk some things out over our relationship, so he came over to talk and I had a movie on. After about half an hour I changed the movie over to my cat's favourite show on Netflix, a preschool show about baby animals narrated by children. This would keep my cat entertained and allow us to talk uninterrupted.

Anyway, my ex got mad. He didn't ask, he told me to turn the TV off. I said no it's for [cat], and he got mad and told me to turn it off more aggressively. I asked why and he said it was distracting. I said it's a children's show, it's for the cat, I have an entire house that we can go and talk in.

He stood up and paused, then got his finger out and berated me. Saying that I always need to have the last word, always need to have my way, that he's a cat, and here's the kicker: that he's a guest and has made a request and I'm not accommodating him, do I not realise how rude I am being? I scoffed and said this is my house, you're the Guest, I denied your request and you're making DEMANDS, do you not realise how rude YOU'RE being?

He told me he never wanted to see me again, slammed the door and got maybe ten minutes away before messaging me never to contact him again, which I have heard more than my own name from him at this point yet he's still around.

People think I should have avoided an argument and turned off my cat's show but no, it's my house and I applied for this house specifically for my cat, he's on the lease, it's HIS house.

AITA for not turning off my cat's show?

Also ETA: As mentioned in the comments, my cat's brother that I adopted with him as a kitten was tragically lost when we were struggling with FV and housing insecurity. This is another reason why I baby my cat, because he had a tough time losing his brother and we both struggled through a period of emergency housing, homelessness and trauma. Not that I need to justify loving my cat.

Also ETA: I have found this shared to Facebook groups and will not be commenting anymore. I am deleting the photo of my cat for our privacy.

quote:

I've just come out of an appointment and can't believe that some people are so judgemental over my treatment of my cat.

I've been homeless and estranged from abusive family before and this cat was all I had. I am doing nothing wrong for spoiling a living thing who kept me from killing myself during my darkest days. He deserves more than he has, he's the best. And I don't have kids, I pay my bills, I help everyone else when I can and don't ask for squat. So I'm allowed to spoil my cat with a TV show, it hurts no one.

Cool cat mom if you’re seeing this come hang out here, let me know what your cat is watching, mines love watching bird TV

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

teen witch posted:

Man, another episode of “the Sam Hill, Reddit?”

AITA for not turning off my cat's TV show to avoid an argument with my ex?



Cool cat mom if you’re seeing this come hang out here, let me know what your cat is watching, mines love watching bird TV

I haven't had a lot of luck finding a bird YouTube that doesn't repeat too often. Any suggestions?

Yes it's for me, but I don't think I'm a cat.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


please tell me the tv show that will distract my cat, now that i'm working from home he is such a needy little baby

keep punching joe
Jan 22, 2006

Die Satan!
My cat just stares at the radiator all day, her face like an inch from it.

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

keep punching joe posted:

My cat just stares at the radiator all day, her face like an inch from it.

Our rescue cat (literally, we found her in a dryer vent as a lost kitten) used to just lie on top of the radiator and bake her face between the slats. Godspeed Muffin, wherever good weird cats go.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


The woman (28f) I am seeing (non exclusive) left the party with another man in front of me (27m) now she is calling me again

quote:

So we have been dating non exclusively for about a month now. We went to this party together, I drove and I was going to remain sober as I had to drive us back too. Around 2 hours into the party she suddenly she came towards me, with a guy in tow and told me that she would be leaving with him tonight and I didnt have to worry about her. She stood for almost a minute after telling me this, and kept looking back at me till she was out of view. I was of course very disappointed as I really liked her but well, what can you do?

But she called me two days later and asked if I wanted to hang out? I was confused but I didnt really say anything except I am busy, maybe later? She said cool, let me know when you are free and we will schedule something. I dont know Reddit, why would she call me afterwards? Technically she didnt do anything wrong but what she did obviously hurt me, she must know that. Then why call me afterwards? Any advice?

TK8325
Sep 22, 2014



Mx. posted:

please tell me the tv show that will distract my cat, now that i'm working from home he is such a needy little baby

I hope it's wonderpets.

Azuth0667
Sep 20, 2011

By the word of Zoroaster, no business decision is poor when it involves Ahura Mazda.

Mx. posted:

The woman (28f) I am seeing (non exclusive) left the party with another man in front of me (27m) now she is calling me again

Take the L and start dating someone else.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

MarcusSA posted:

Wife (31f) says she has crush on a friend (37m) but wants to continue to hang out with him in a group setting.
I mean, good on her for owning that there was a crush, but yeah if she wasn't taking responsibility and saying "therefore I'll avoid one on one settings and keep lines of communication open with you" then he should start packing his bags. Thinking "oh I can handle it" is attempting to have your cake and eat it.

Mx. posted:

AITA for not bringing my wife to son's wedding?

why the gently caress are you happily married to a racist homophobe dude
Same reason loads of moderates vote Trump. They don't condone the racism/homophobia but it's not a dealbreaker, so they passively condone and coddle it and just hope it somehow works out because either way it doesn't personally affect them that much.

Mx. posted:

The woman (28f) I am seeing (non exclusive) left the party with another man in front of me (27m) now she is calling me again
Feels like some major data was left out, because as it reads it seems like this lady thinks she's the protagonist of a rom-com. Dude is wise to keep contact off.

Midnight Voyager posted:

Has anyone seen a marriage that opens up in the middle WORK? Every open/poly deal I know about that works started out that way because you set rules to begin with and... then everyone goes with them and it's fine!
I personally haven't. In my thirdhand experience it genuinely looks like being poly is equivalent to coming out as gay/bi in that once one party commits to that realization-- it's time to end the relationship for everyone's sake.

fish and chips and dip
Feb 17, 2010

Mx. posted:

AITA for not bringing my wife to son's wedding?

why the gently caress are you happily married to a racist homophobe dude

Seems the OP finally wised up.

quote:

Her partner is from Australia and is Asian. There is no more love left for her. I pushed through the marriage for son and daughter, but now I'm ready to leave. I have brought her divorce papers to sign and she tored them up.

Ethiser
Dec 31, 2011

fish and chips and dip posted:

Seems the OP finally wised up.

At least the kids got a cool dad out of that failed marriage.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
Our cat Hobbes used to love cartoons. He'd ignore it for the most part but cartoons or a game like Overwatch would have him glued to the television.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

teen witch posted:

He stood up and paused, then got his finger out and berated me. Saying that I always need to have the last word, always need to have my way, that he's a cat, and here's the kicker:

This is the problem: he's a cat too, and jealous.

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler
My cat physically can't conceive of the TV or screens, she just looks away and doesn't give a gently caress no matter what :(

Her favorite tv show is the window :3:

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Ek-ek-ek! Ek-ek-ek!

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler

Brawnfire posted:

Ek-ek-ek! Ek-ek-ek!

What is it buddy?? Do you see a bird? :3:



MarcusSA posted:

I just got into a fight with my wife about her smoking habit and I'm not sure if I should feel bad.

"Honey, you said you'd buy me weed if I became a stay-at-home mom." "It's too expensive!" "Ok, I'll get a job to pay for it." "No."

(To be fair I don't smoke shatter so I have no idea if this is like, snoop levels of excessive)

LadyPictureShow
Nov 18, 2005

Success!



Beachcomber posted:

I haven't had a lot of luck finding a bird YouTube that doesn't repeat too often. Any suggestions?

Yes it's for me, but I don't think I'm a cat.

Pluto TV has (or at least had) a few channels that just run bird feeder cam stuff.

Our cat loved it, and would occasionally bop the screen if a particularly enticing bird appeared. You're free to do the same, I don't judge.

Rat Patrol
Feb 15, 2008

kill kill kill kill
kill me now

Lieutenant Dan posted:

My cat physically can't conceive of the TV or screens, she just looks away and doesn't give a gently caress no matter what :(

Her favorite tv show is the window :3:

We have bird feeders set up just outside the window where my cats have a perch. I call refilling the feeders "renewing my subscription to the cats' shows"

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Hughlander posted:

Wall of text but you're never going to know where it'll take you:
Men will go through so much pain and heartache, for themselves and others, rather than just know what Tupperware is.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

I like that the pouch was to "make people stop searching for things among others" not sure what exactly was meant by this but I'd definitely stop searching among items if one of them was a stinky leather satchel of old flesh and wet cigarette

CabaretVoltaire
Jun 10, 2003
Better than Turin Brakes.

Lieutenant Dan posted:

What is it buddy?? Do you see a bird? :3:

"Honey, you said you'd buy me weed if I became a stay-at-home mom." "It's too expensive!" "Ok, I'll get a job to pay for it." "No."

(To be fair I don't smoke shatter so I have no idea if this is like, snoop levels of excessive)

It’s incredibly excessive, worryingly so considering she’s supposed to be looking after children

Tenkaris
Feb 10, 2006

I would really prefer if you would be quiet.
Yeah I can go through two grams of shatter in like a week if I’m going pretty crazy with it, but it’s pretty potent stuff and a dab’ll do ya. She must be getting absolutely wrecked???

RenegadeStyle1
Jun 7, 2005

Baby Come Back

Lieutenant Dan posted:

What is it buddy?? Do you see a bird? :3:

"Honey, you said you'd buy me weed if I became a stay-at-home mom." "It's too expensive!" "Ok, I'll get a job to pay for it." "No."

(To be fair I don't smoke shatter so I have no idea if this is like, snoop levels of excessive)

I mean that seems like a lot of money. That's like a car payment except you don't get to keep a car once it ends and it doesn't end lol.

Involuntary Sparkle
Aug 12, 2004

Chemo-kitties can have “accidents” too!

Mx. posted:

please tell me the tv show that will distract my cat, now that i'm working from home he is such a needy little baby

My older baby (14.5) loves warmth so I made a bed for her on my desk with blankets and a heating pad on very low and that keeps her extremely happy :3:

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.
my cats freaking love bird YouTube videos

they'll sit and watch them and sometimes go behind the TV to try to find the birds :3:

Maiden
Mar 18, 2008

Midnight Voyager posted:

Has anyone seen a marriage that opens up in the middle WORK? Every open/poly deal I know about that works started out that way because you set rules to begin with and... then everyone goes with them and it's fine!

Generally when it works it's because the pair both want to welcome the third into the relationship. Usually it just crashes and burns though, 'cause it's generally not about being poly and one wants to just sleep around. Which rarely works out 'cause most people in a committed monogamous relationship aren't emotionally able to handle the other sleeping with other people because of societal norms with regards to relationships and sex.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


UPDATE: AITA for "allowing" my wife to wear expensive jewelry to dinner and subsequently embarrassing my BIL?

quote:

Thank you to everyone for giving me the confidence to move forward with the situation! There were a few questions in my last post regarding how my wife, BIL, and SIL were involved in the situation that I wanted to shed some light on. Unfortunately, the outcome isn't the best.

The first thing I want to clear up is that BIL is, in fact, my wife's brother. Secondly, the "allow" comment regarding my wife's choice in dress was from my BIL. I have no interest or power in dictating what my wife choses to wear regardless of the occasion. Thirdly, while I won't reveal the cost of the necklace, I can assure everyone that it was in a reasonable price range that definitely wouldn't turn any heads if worn out running errands, but was still special enough to my wife and myself.

I initially wanted to keep the text messages from my wife in fear that it would sour the sentiment behind the necklace, but we're not the type to keep secrets from each other. When she read the texts, she was LIVID. I've never seen her so upset, especially at family. She immediately called her brother and just reamed him out for his insensitivity. We were on the phone together, but I didn't really pipe up once they started arguing since I felt like they should work it out as siblings. The got in a long argument and her brother said he was worried that she was going down a "slippery slope" of becoming a "superficial bitch". And that we shouldn't "force" our financial success on other people.

That comment honestly shocked the both of us, because while they weren't close growing up he's never talked to her like that before. At that point, my wife told her brother that if he wasn't going to be happy for her, that she had one thoughtful treat from her husband after a really lovely year, then she had nothing to say to him.

A few hours later, my wife did get a text from SIL. Apparently she also heard the conversation and was mortified. She at least reassured us that she was happy for our success after working so hard and that she'd try to talk some sense into her husband (BIL).

Regardless, my wife and I decided to spend Christmas without BIL and his wife. We'll be doing it separately on Christmas Eve with her parents. At this point, there's just too much tension, and I didn't want to risk BIL ruining Christmas because I wouldn't put it past him to find the gifts we get her family "too luxurious" and pitching a fit in response. Her parents are staying out of the situation for the time being but okay with meeting us separately, and I respect their decision.

And this might make me the AH, but I'm going to take some advice from a few commenters and get my wife a nice matching bracelet for Christmas.

[EDIT] I didn't include this before because my BIL didn't concretely admit to anything, but my wife speculates that her brother's behavior is due to a competitive nature. She said that he's always loved winning, even as a child. During my rough patch he started coming around to help out, but now I'm starting to feel like it just gave him some sort of twisted satisfaction to see me failing.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


AITA for having my wedding on brother's "divorce anniversary"

quote:

I M28 have been engaged to my fiancee F26 for almost a year (what caused a delay was my fmil falling sick). My fiancee and I decided to have our wedding on Jan 11th/2022. We've already booked a venue, set the guest lists, food menu etc.

My patents live hours away. Once they recieved the invitations they called to confirm the date then demanded I drop everything and come alone to talk about the issue they're having with the date.

I took time off work and went to see them and they sat me down to remind me that on 11th of Jan 2 years ago, my brother "Isaac" (30) got officially separated from his ex wife of 8 years. They went on about what a dreadful day that day is for the family and Isaac and told me he told them he won't come to my wedding since this day happens to be his "divorce anniversary" unless I change the date since he said he's planning on getting drunk and crying his eyes out for doing what he did and cause his ex to leave him. I was flabbergasted..like I couldn't tell if they were kidding but I politely said I'm sorry but not changing the date period. Dad angerily said "Why the rush? You have a lifetime ahead of you no harm in moving the wedding date. think about it" I explained that my fiancee and I paid for the venue and set everything up we can't cancel it now. Mom firmly told me to leave my fiancee out it cause she had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. I got upset and said I'm not changing my wedding date and Mom said that I'm clearly choosing a day long celebration over my brother and warned me that I'll have to live with the fact I ruined my relationship with him over this. Dad added telling me to think of it this way: I'm getting married on the very same date my brother's marriage ended and asked how I can possibly not feel guilty for having my wedding anniversary be my brother's divorce anniversary for years to come I argued that Isaac's only himself to blame for sleeping with someone else while married and my exsil was right to decide she was having none of it. my parents justified it as "he was drunk" but the outcome is the same.

Before I left they said if Isaac isn't coming then they too won't come to the wedding which devastated me cause I want my family with me to share my joy. cause this is a big deal for me and I wasn't sure if my parents have a point seeing more and more family are saying they won't attend if I'll still have my wedding on Jan 11th.

AITA?

Runcible Cat
May 28, 2007

Ignoring this post

mind the walrus posted:

Feels like some major data was left out, because as it reads it seems like this lady thinks she's the protagonist of a rom-com. Dude is wise to keep contact off.

Sounds like she was expecting him to say something about her going off with other guy, he didn't, she read that as him being totally cool with the non-exclusive relationship and wants to hang out with him non-exclusively again. Seems fair.

But dude keeping contact off is extremely wise, since he's very obviously not as into non-exclusive as he says he is. Or at least not women being non-exclusive with him.

Xachariah
Jul 26, 2004

Lieutenant Dan posted:

What is it buddy?? Do you see a bird? :3:

"Honey, you said you'd buy me weed if I became a stay-at-home mom." "It's too expensive!" "Ok, I'll get a job to pay for it." "No."

(To be fair I don't smoke shatter so I have no idea if this is like, snoop levels of excessive)

I think even Snoop would be a bit impressed, shatter is a concentrated distillate and even a tiny amount goes a long way.

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler
Well poo poo, I retract my previous statement, I didn't realize it was that much more potent than regular ol weed. Dang :(

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Professor Wayne
Aug 27, 2008

So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?

They actually let him keep it.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not wanting my gf to get Botox?

(My para breaks)

I had this same problem and tried all sorts fixes. Muscle relaxants, readjusting my bite with Invisalign, regular massages, and mouth guards were all expensive options that straight up didn't work, and I was in pain all the time. Botox fixed it in less than 48 hours. gently caress that guy. Dental work is expensive and insurance doesn't cover poo poo. Do everything you can for preventive care.

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