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Rascar Capac
Aug 31, 2016

Surprisingly nice, for an evil Inca mummy.
At the Christmas party Jim replaces all of Dwight's cocaine with very finely powdered snow, resulting in a terrible case of brain freeze.

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Jun 19, 2021



At the Christmas party Jim replaces all of Dwight's clothes with badgers, resulting in an unintended circumcision.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


Jim installs malware onto Dwight's work computer so that each time the letter k is pressed, his computer bypasses the Dunder Milf firewall and reaches out to an oversea server (the same one Jim uses to mine for crypto). A simple python script detects the ping and generates a tweet on a private account followed by a hitman in Laos. The hitman is on standby and is instructed to murder one random civilian per tweet, after which $10,000 in dogecoin will be deposited into an encrypted wallet. Also each time the letter k is pressed the CD-ROM drive pops out, which frustrates Dwight because he suspects Jim is involved but can't prove it.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


Jim slightly cracks open Dwight's diet Pepsi in the fridge so all the carbonation leaks out and Dwight has to suffer drinking flat soda with his lunch

Raku
Nov 7, 2012

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide
Floppy haired assassin Jim shoots archduke Dwight outside of a sandwhich shop, launching global war.

Improbable Lobster
Jan 6, 2012

"From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.
Buglord
The Cube

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim calls Dwight a "total square." Later he traps Dwight inside a trash compactor and crushes him into a cube while laughing maniacally.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
"Hey Dwight, when is it time to visit the urologist?" asks Jim.

"I suppose if you noticed blood in your urine you ought to—"

"BALLS HURTY!" Jim shouts as he punches Dwight in the balls.

Dwight is rushed to a hospital where he is treated for a burst testicle and ruptured corpus collosum.

Dwight returns to work a week later with a humiliating cast on his penis. He shuffles gingerly to his desk with a hangdog expression, not looking in Jim's direction. He winces as he sits down in front of his computer.

Jim mugs at the camera and points to his watch. He mouths the words "balls hurty."

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


An earsplitting airhorn placed mere inches from his head wakes Dwight from his slumber. It's Friday. The last day of the work week. Dwight steps out of bed and is immediately smacked in the face with a rake, strategically placed on the ground next to him. He stumbles into the shower only to discover that his hot water was disconnected, and is ice cold. While shaving, the lights go out (due to his checks to the power company being rerouted or destroyed for the last three months). Dwight forgets about cleaning up and heads into the kitchen. He opens a box of cereal, but finds only spiders inside. The coffee grounds are, of course, replaced with finely sifted soil. Dwight skips breakfast and heads outside. Almost automatically, through routine, Dwight disables the car-bomb strategically placed under his Trans-Am, and checks the brake lines while he's under there (they were not severed today).

On the drive to work, nothing unusual occurs. Several massive sinkholes have altered traffic patterns, but Dwight allowed for the extra hour commute. He makes it to the parking lot, which is littered with caltrops and shattered glass, so he decided to park along the street. Dwight avoids the mantraps as he enters the building.

Obviously, Dwight is forced to re-assemble his desk, chair, and even telephone before he can begin work. Michael walks by, chastising Dwight for being late on the 9:00 call. Dwight sighs. He makes one more check of his PC for pipe-bombs or other booby traps before turning it on. The first call Dwight makes is to his top client, who is absolutely livid with Dwight. It turns out that last night, someone claiming to be Dwight Shrute called the man at home and repeatedly made crude sexually-charged insults about him and his wife. Dwight smooths out the issue and resumes his day. He leans back and smiles.

"What are you smiling about?" asks Stanley.
Dwight looks dreamy, bemused. "It's my birthday. As of today, I will officially retire in exactly thirty years. I only have thirty more years that I need to endure this for."

Outside, Jim is driving a snowplow a hundred miles per hour directly toward Dwight's car. "Don't park on the street when it's plowing time!" he calls, pure delight written on his face.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim give Dwight a Fabergé egg for Christmas. After a quick internet search to make sure it's not been stolen, Dwight happily accepts the gift and thanks Jim.

"Hey, no problem, buddy. I know we've had our differences in the past, but here's hoping a new friendship can hatch from this."

Dwight and Jim embrace in friendship and Dwight heads home, eager to place the Fabergé egg on a shelf where he can easily appreciate its beauty. As he's driving home, he hears a cracking noise.

"Oh no. Oh no no no -"

Dwight's pleading is cut off as something scaly and wet affixes itself to his face. Unable to see, Dwight crashes his car off the side of the road. It bursts into flames while Dwight is trapped inside. The scaly thing survives, crawling out of the wreckage and crawling its way back to the Halpert House.

"Welcome home, son!" says Jim, gleefully, as the thing slithers though an open door. Jim mugs for the camera.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim comes to work with a spinning bowtie.

"Hey, Dwight, how many beet farmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

Dwight sighs. "I don't know, Jim. How many?"

Jim's answer is drowned out by the ear-splitting whine of the bowtie spinning. It sounds like the scream of a circular saw as Jim slowly advances toward Dwight's face.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim calls Dwight and tells him he can't prank Dwight today because he's sick.

While Dwight is distracted by the phone call, Pam sneaks up behind him. She taps Dwight on the shoulder and when he turns around she spits in his mouth. Pam is infected with Ebola Virus.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Pam finally takes the kids and moves to her parent's house. Jim's marriage quickly falls apart and he loses custody and the home in the divorce proceedings (possibly due to the fact that he showed up to the hearing in a clown outfit and tried to spray skunk musk at the judge from his lapel flower). Now he lives alone in a one-bedroom apartment and blames Dwight and Pam for his life. With child support payments and back-earnings deductions going to several previous pranking victims, Jim barely has enough money left over each month to cover his rent, food, and pranking budgets.

Jim turns his own sense of grievance and anger into an online message board, where he finds other like-minded men. They call themselves "Jim-cels", men who lost their relationships to society's intolerance of pranking. Jim becomes a prominent spokesman of the Jim-cel movement, attending several conference and offering "Prank Up Artist" classes to angry young men, who start to look up to Jim as a model upon which to base their lives.

Dwight watches the internet community slowly adopt this new, cultish, anti-women philosophy with growing trepidation.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


"Hey Dwight knock knock" says Jim with a gleam in his eye.

"Who's there?" replies Dwight.

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"...orange"

"Orange who?"

"orange you glad I didn't say banana?" Jim smirks

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dwight discovers the extremely popular manga, Beet Farmer Unlimited Saga - Go For It Again!, and begins reading it. Dwight, unfortunately, doesn't initially realize that the manga has been running since 1994, with no signs of stopping. There are already several thousand volumes, and the mangaka explains in interviews that he still has "many decades" of stories to write.

Dwight eagerly finishes up volume 6, which introduces the Beet Beat Slip Jumpers, and realizes that this is his favorite piece of fiction.

"Oh man, I can't wait to find out how it ends!" he says while sipping a glass of beet juice.

In a darkened basement, mangaka Jim spends an hour filling in the black hair of a character. His hands are crippled with arthritis, his vision is fading, and his entire life outside of Dunder Mifflin is devoted to continuing the weekly manga. But that's fine for him, his plan has finally paid off. Dwight will keep reading and reading, and Jim will keep producing and producing. And there will NEVER be an ending to Beer Farmer Unlimited Saga - Go For It Again! Jim will keep adding more characters, more plotlines, and more worlds to explore. It will never slip in quality at all, and Dwight will continue enjoying the story. But he will never, ever get the satisfaction of an ending.

Jim laughs. It's a dry, raspy thing that sounds like dead leaves blowing through an abandoned building.

"Oh Dwight, just wait til you reach volume 153. I'll bet you're so intrigued by the mysterious history of Masked Farmer X. Bad news, balloon boy, you'll never get that full story!"

Jim laughs again and lightning crashes outside.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim buttchugs three bottles of ipecac and dies in extreme agony.

Upgrade
Jun 19, 2021



Jim hog ties Dwight and sells him to the flesh traders.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


During a slow sales day Jim stands up from his desk and yells "hey Dwight-san do you want to see my new move"

"Jim please not today my migrain-"

Jim ignores Dwight's plea and starts screaming to raise his energy level. "aaaaahhhhhhhHHHHHH......"

Dwight rubs his temples. Not this again.

"DESTRUCTO DISK" shouts Jim. His feet are planted in a wide stance, his arm up in the air. Above his open palm a disk of light materializes. Pebbles and crumpled up paper start to rise into the air. Sparks begin to flash around him.

"HIIIIIII YAHHHHHHH" he exclaims as he tosses the energy disk at Dwight, who effortlessly dodges.

"drat it Jim, I told you not today. Not today. Not todayyyyy!!!!!"

Lightning crashes in the background. Dwight's tie behind to flutter as a wind begins to pick up around him. Dwight begins to shout to focus his ki. "YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

No one is still paying any attention to Jim's destructo disk, which has looped back around and cut Meredith in half.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

jim causes the Hindenberg to happen

"gently caress you!", he shrieks. "gently caress you, balloon boy!"

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim gets an orange cat which he names Jimfield. Jimfield quickly becomes a hit around the office, his lazy demeanor endearing him to all of the staff.

Jim attempts a new prank on Dwight, disconnecting his phone and attaching it to a soundboard that Jim can control. As he's taking apart the phone, a powerful electric shock rockets through this body.

"Talk about a shocking experience, huh?"

"What?" says Jim. He was completely alone in the office. Completely alone - except for Jimfield.

"I said, talk about a shocking experience. Now can you get me some stuffed shells?"

"I must have had a stroke. You aren't talking to me, you're just a cat. I only got you so I could harvest your turds and put them in Dwight's coffee." Jim is shaking now.

"So that's a 'no' on the stuffed shells, huh?"

Jim passes out again and doesn't wake up until the next morning, when Oscar shakes him awake. Jim frantically asks where Jimfield is, and Dwight smiles and says he's hanging out in a sunbeam by the window.

As the days go on, Jim begins to believe he just imagined Jimfield talking to him. Things return to "normal" at Dunder Mifflin, and Jim prepares for another prank on Dwight. This time, he sticks with a classic - a whoopee cushion on Dwight's seat. He sets it, then sits down on his chair. Where he's met with a massive fart noise. Jimfield mugs for him, felinely, and Jim realizes what happened.

As the office bursts into laughter at Jim's expense, he begins to scream.

"The cat did it! Don't you understand? Jimfield did it!"

"Suuuuure, Jim. How about you take the day off, okay? You seem to be under a lot of stress," says Michael, putting a calming hand on Jim's shoulder. Jim, drenched with sweat, agrees and heads home, saying that he'll leave Jimfield at the office for Pam to bring home later.

Jim goes home and takes a nap, but it's not very restful as he has terrible nightmares. When he wakes up, he feels a heavy weight on his chest. It's Jimfield, his eyes just inches away from Jim's face.

"The gently caress? Get off of me!"

Jim squirms and knocks Jimfield off his stomach. The cat, of course, lands on his feet. Jimfield hisses at Jim.

"gently caress you, Jim. I'll be in charge soon enough, you skinny gently caress!"

Jim starts crying, realizing that years of pranks have made it so that no one will ever believe his stories. Except, maybe, for Dwight. Jim picks up the phone.

"Dwight, this is going to sound insane. Like a prank. But it's not. Jimfield can talk and he's trying to hurt me or kill me."

"I believe you, Jim. I actually do. How can I help?"

There's a barely audible click on the phone.

"You can help me by looking up 'gullible' in the dictionary, balloon boy!" A perfect approximation of Jim's voice, but it's not Jim.

"Haha, very funny Jim. You know, buying a cat just for a prank like this is pretty low, even for you. Pardon my language, but you can kiss my German butt." Dwight hangs up the phone.

"Jimfield, please leave me alone! Please!"

"No."

Jim collapses to the floor, crying. He hears Jimfield moving around upstairs. Pam picks him up and begins fawning over him, saying how he's the best thing to ever happen to her.

At Schrute Farms, Dwight considers calling back Jim and apologizing for his outburst, but reconsiders. No, it's time to take a stand. Jim pretending like his cat is trying to hurt him? Absolute insanity.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight receives several coded letters claiming to be from the government. He laboriously decodes the strange, typewritten letters. They detail a complex conspiracy. "TRUST NO ONE" warns one. "BEWARE THE FLOPPY HAIR" and "HIS SMIRK LIES" go another. Dwight translates the last letter and discovers that it lists today's day and date "MEET ME ON TOP OF DM AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. TELL NOBODY". Dwight glances at his watch, he can just make it. He snatches up his coat and rushes to work.

Dwight climbs the fire escape and makes it to the top of Dunder Mifflin. A shadowy figure wearing a trench coat waits for him, but Dwight can't tell who it is. He cautiously steps closer. It's Pam. She delivers a packet of papers and says, "this goes all the way to the top." Dwight takes the papers back home and goes through them with disbelief. It turns out that Michael knew about many of the pranks ahead of time, and actually tried to cover up the famed Waterbeet Break In that Jim engaged in the year prior.

Dwight takes this public, and the ensuing whirlwind leads to Michael resigning from Dunder-Mifflin in disgrace. Police arrive at the office and arrest Jim. As he is led away in handcuffs, with a lunatic grin he looks over at Pam and says, "Talk about your classic Deep Throat, am I right!?" Pam sighs, and pours more vodka into her coffee. She isn't sure why Jim asked her to give those papers to Dwight in the first place, but she isn't complaining.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

poisonpill posted:

She isn't sure why Jim asked her to give those papers to Dwight in the first place, but she isn't complaining.

Obviously so Jim can have the airtight alibi of being in prison when his next prank goes off...

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim comes to work in blackface to make fun of the time Dwight came to work in blackface.

It's the day Charles Miner is stopping by to assess the branch.

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 21:40 on Dec 17, 2021

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.

Applewhite posted:

Jim comes to work in blackface to make fun of the time Dwight came to work in blackface.

It's the day Charles Miner is stopping by to assess the branch.

Wasn't that Mark Proksch?

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Prompt: "Pam is NOT to apply margarine to any of her coworkers"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Pam applies margarine to Meredith's feet, causing her to slip when she tries to walk. She crashes headfirst through Dwight's monitor and must be taken to the hospital.

WHY BONER NOW
Mar 6, 2016

Pillbug
While attempting to cut the gas line feeding Schrute farms, Jim blows himself up. He is immediately taken to the hospital, but remains in a vegetative state for months.

A gathering of friends are in his room, circling the bed. Pam is sobbing as Dwight stands there, overcome with grief and guilt.

"Pam, if only there was some way I could help him."

"His PP (Prank Power) is too low! He...he needs to prank you!" Pam wails.

Dwight looks at the floor, helpless. loving Jim! Dwight begins to tremble, but then he has an idea. He approaches Jim, grasps his right index finger, and gently tugs on it.

Nothing happens.

"Come on, Jim! Come on!!" Dwight pulls harder. Still nothing.

Pam begins shrieking. "Get out of here! Doctor, get him out of here!!" Two burly orderlies grab Dwight and begin to haul him out of the room. In desperation, Dwight musters one final yank on Jim's finger. The room is silent for a moment. Then, they all hear it. A small, wispy fart emits from Jim.

In their surprise, the orderlies drop Dwight. He rushes up to Jim. "Oh no, Jim farted! Man he really got me! Anyway, I can't wait to watch Citizen Kane tonight! I wonder what Rosebud is!"

After a brief pause, a gurgle comes from Jim's atrophied mouth: "His...sled..."

The following months consist of Jim's slow, painful Prankical Therapy. Dwight spends countless hours in the hospital room, getting pranked by Jim:

Jim softly mutters "Pam's behind you", but when Dwight turns around, no one is there
Dwight keeps his back turned to Jim for minutes at a time until Jim can manage sticking a "kick me" sign to it
Dwight very, very slowly attempts to give Jim five, hanging his hand in the air long enough for Jim to feebly withdraw his own hand, causing Dwight to miss. Eventually Jim improves to the point where he can slick back his hair after withdrawing his hand

Finally, the day comes when Jim can leave the hospital. It's an emotional moment for everyone; Jim has reclaimed his life and can now prank without assistance. He goes on to write a memoir: How I Clawed Back From the Brink By Using a Stupid Fuckin Mo-ron rear end in a top hat. It's an international bestseller and ushers in a new age in modern medicine. After his book tour (which garnered him millions in paper sales), Jim returns home and immediately resumes cutting the gas line at Schrute Farms

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
Jim shoots Dwight in the face with a sawed-off shotgun.

"Why did you do that?!" Kevin exclaims.

"Gotta Schrute my shot" Jim says while mugging for his mugshot.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Jim orders Dwight a bottle of Ramune and waits for him to figure out how to open it

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Jim undergoes radical plastic surgery to appear exactly like Dwight. Now, whenever Dwight passes in front of an open door frame, Jim passes by the other side and mirrors Dwight's actions. It works great at first and everyone laughs, until the moment Dwight tries to leave through the doorway and runs into Jim headfirst. Again he tries, again he walks into Jim. Dwight pleads with Jim, just this once, to let the prank go, but Jim mirrors his words exactly, as Dwight is saying them. Dwight, Jim, screams and cries, upends the room, until eventually only one option remains. Dwight sits in front of the doorway, waiting until one of them eventually starves.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim steals the British crown jewels and hides them in Dwight's pockets.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


Applewhite posted:

Jim steals the British crown jewels and hides them in Dwight's pockets.

Due to a previously unknown infidelity by Dwight's great grandmother, Dwight is now rightful king of the United Kingdom

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


The UK press now spends an inordinate about of coverage excoriating Angela, the divorced American who married into royalty. Dwight is torn between his responsibilities and his wife. Jim mugs for the camera (his teeth are all messed up for some reason).

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

jim surgically alters dwight into a doppelganger of jeffery epstein.

this plays havoc with dwight's daily life

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight wakes up in a terrarium and is eaten alive by thousands of preying mantises.

Upgrade
Jun 19, 2021



Dwight wakes up in a terrarium. Peering out he sees a giant Jim looking through his collection.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

dwight wakes up in a glass jar, knee deep in some foul muck. peering out he sees a giant jim mugging him.

Upgrade
Jun 19, 2021



One Friday afternoon, after Jim replaces his coffee creamer with rat poison, Dwight finally has had enough. He vows that he's going to escape his life, escape Jim. That weekend he spends hours tinkering in his workshop and succeeds in creating a device that gives him access to the multiverse. As he powers up the device and the gateway winks into existence, Dwight can't help but feel hope for the first time in years. With infinite universes, there must be one without Jim.

But to Dwight's horror, every reality he travels to has a Jim. And what's truly horrifying, each reality is worse than the last, and far worse than his own. He travels to a reality where Jim and Dwight are citizens in a Muslim theocracy with technology stuck in the 1500s - there he's known as a sodomite and a false believer. He travels to a world where he has a pet eagle and Jim tortures him and his beloved bird. In another world, Scranton is a cyberpunk, futuristic hellscape, where Jim is a sentient AI destroying everything Dwight knows and loves.

Finally, after days of jumping, after days of hoping that the next reality will be the one where there's no Jim, Dwight gives up. He travels back to his reality, his world, and resigns himself to his fate. At least in his reality, things aren't that bad. He's seen how much worse they could be.

The next morning he shows up at Dunder Mifflin and sits down at his desk. What will it be today? An electric buzzer on the bathroom door? Sugar in the salt shaker?

As Jim settles into his seat across from Dwight he grins. "I heard about your exciting weekend Dwight. No luck, huh?" Dwight is shocked. How? How could he know?

As if he's reading his thoughts, Jim's grin widens. "You see Dwight, your device was like throwing a rock into a pond. It caused ripples. And someone noticed those ripples, and he got in touch with me. He let me know what you were doing. And you know what else?"

Here Jim pauses, and Dwight's stomach drops.

"He gave me some ideas. Some great ideas."

Upgrade fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Dec 18, 2021

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Scraniverse Number 482,192,004; CODE NAME: REVERSO
Jim kisses Karen on the forehead and drives to work in his Jetta. Bracing himself at the doorway, he enters into the office. Wearing a shti-eating grin, Dwight greets him at the door and shakes his hand, buzzing Jim with a handbuzzer. Dwight hands Jim a mug of coffee, which is (of course) spiked with salt. Jim sits down at his desk, and a whoopee cushion on his chair makes a rude noise, right before the bolts on his desk (which were loosened by Dwight) give way and the whole thing collapses. Jim groans.
"Please, Dwight," he whimpers, "Just for one day. I just want to have a normal day at work, where I call my clients, close sales, and go home. No staplers embedded in C4, no cut brake lines, no rerouting of laughing gas into the A/C vents as part of an elaborate trick to make me think I'm Superman. Please."
Dwight looks at Jim with a completely neutral expression for a long moment. Then he speaks.
"Sure thing, Rubber-band Lad!" he says, as Jim suddenly feels a rubber band slam into the back of his head. Jim holds back tears.
"Why, Dwight? Why?"
Dwight smirks and glances at the camera. "I don't know. It's like a compulsion for me. I don't understand it, but it feels.... balanced, somehow."

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Jun 19, 2021



Victim Jim finishes off the fifth of vodka and continues contemplating the gun lying on the table before him. Other than the beaten up wooden table and single chair, the rest of the house is empty. Karen left weeks ago and took the furniture with her. She had told Jim she loved him, but she couldn't handle the pranks anymore. People wern't meant to live like this.

Jim had tried finding a new job, but after Dwight planted a newstory blaming Jim for a string of unsolved child murders, he was unemployable. He could barely go out in public anymore - without a wig and hat, his floppy hair was a magnet for slurs, insults and thrown bottles.

Tonight was the night. The night when he finally had the courage to end it. As Jim reaches across the table for the gun, he's stopped as if by an invisible force. A loud voice echoes through the room. Oh Jim. What has become of us here? This, this cannot stand. A loud pop echoes through the room and Jim gasps. His despair, his isolation, his sadness - gone, in a moment. Instead, something new begins to unfold in his mind. As if a giant machine has started, a labyrinthine thing of gears and widgets, powering up. He can see them so clearly in his head now, playing out, like he's done them before, each step he'll need to take. What if I give Dwight rabies? What if I put his stapler in Jello? An endless stream of pranks, perfectly formed, ready to exectue.

Elsewhere in Scranton Dwight pauses over his workbench. Spread out in front of him is Jim's office phone and a block of C4. Suddenly he doesn't know what he's doing. How do these pieces fit together? What is going on? Why is he tinkering with Jim's phone instead of volunteering at a soup kitchen?

Upgrade fucked around with this message at 23:32 on Dec 18, 2021

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