A Wizard of Goatse posted:

actually it's good and normal for mundane family interactions to require the kind of careful semantic parsing most commonly associated with haggling with a goat-legged man on the crossroads at midnight

Danaru posted:

I've been nameless for years because my dad asked "may I have your name?" And I was foolish enough to answer

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

letting my son borrow the car for prom but when he picks up the keys I intone "the bargain is struck" and dissolve into a cloud of flies

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yes Danny I said I'd give you $20 to rake the lawn, but I never said anything about you being able to stop once the leaves were gone

Silly Newbie posted:

Silly Newbie posted:

Powerful Two-Hander posted:

Almost certain this is a "plot" point in Accelerando. Nice try Charles Stross!

Gambit from the X-Men posted:

I am sitting in the chair I use to gently caress computers professionally, repeating the phrase Antigenic Original Sin to myself until from the words emerges a clear and shining and singular path forwards. My friends have forgotten my name. My face exists only as a dim memory even in the minds of my family. For a moment I believe the knock at the door is the door itself warning me of a new delivery until I see through the slats of the blinds the UPS man walking away. Maskless. Stewing in the world's hideous oxygen. My hiss is a reflex, though I know not if it is for the Pigpen-style cloud of COVID stew I have trained myself to imagine around every body or for the cutting edge of sunlight against my skin.

Puppers, I am muttering. The thought moves through my mind, I could get my own pupper. No. No, I remember. Pictures are safer. Pictures are the only safe engagement.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

really queer Christmas posted:

You put enough monkeys on typewriters and they'll make Shakespeare, put enough goons in a thread and they'll reenact the holocaust.

EorayMel posted:

Arrhythmia posted:

It's okay, the pet island mods made a rule that you need one post bemoaning the end of western civilization due to covid for every 40 pics of your cat sitting in a box.

Pablo Nergigante posted:

Blooster posted:

This Alice Goodwin chick really hosed her face up. Hot drat she was a 10 before. Why they gotta gently caress wit plastic surgery?

What's in the water over there causing such massive jugs?

Sid Vicious posted:

saline

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

pop punk posted:

Yes the device that fits in your pocket that lets you buy pizza and find strangers who will have sex with you was widely adopted because “they” wanted your demographic data.

Trabisnikof posted:

how would my money clip give out my demographic data?

Improbable Lobster posted:

Warhammer is just like a bicycle, you have to clip the bike parts off a sprue and assemble and paint them and then bring them to local meetups and tournaments. Orks are there.

bulletsponge13 posted:

I have an old friend who joined the Army as an Intel nerd.
"Is it against the rules of war to put claymore mines in trees?"
"I have a better question, John- who is going to be left to tell on me if it was?"

Platystemon posted:

The Lorax

Skulk Hogan posted:

Lawen posted:

I feel like I've done a bad job representing the fly users, so just to clarify:

I unzip my pants. I reach through my zipper, push the outer flap of the underwear fly to the side, reach through the inner flap, grasp my mighty member, and pull it through the fly. I hold my penis gently and urinate. I lightly pinch at the base and run a finger up the underside to squeeze out any pee left in the pipe and shake my schlong 3 or 4 times. I grab the inner flap of the underpants and pull it to the side and away from my body, enclosing my manhood back within the underpants. I zip my pants back up. I do all of this with my right hand while posting quality content on these forums with the phone held in my left hand. It is a graceful and nuanced routine that requires zero thought and that I've managed successfully since I was about 4 years old.

I was picturing the pull down crew pulling their pants and underpants down to their knees at the urinal like a child and wondering why, if it's such a popular technique, I don't see more at urinals . Gripping the waistband between ring and pinky while holding your wang with thumb and first 2 fingers makes more sense, at least. But I assure you, I find your technique just as odd as you find mine.

Joe Whites Bro posted:

I dont know if this has been done before, but what do you guys like, XBOX or PS2. PS2 has lovely graphics but the controlloers are so much sweeter than Xboxes. anwyays, What do you Like?

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

I brought my Drake posted:

novamute posted:

And I thought my loan officer who butt dialed me and left a voicemail detailing the side effects of his illegitimate steroid use was unprofessional

freeedr posted:

By the time nance was done with you you would have gained an inch and would have to pull the sheets out of your rear end in a top hat

McNugget Buddy posted:

QUEEN HAS COVID








https://twitter.com/nzherald/status/1472703550040035332

BRAKE FOR MOOSE posted:

Okay really, Fauci is going to kill TWO members of Queen?

Chamale posted:

EorayMel posted:

Chamale posted:

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

idgi

Aegri Somnia posted:

This is really one of those deep thought questions, but why do people do this? People begin doing this as children, much to the behest of their parents, and the reason given is so that they won't get germs. But why is the bathroom any more different than anywhere else? Doorhandles all over the place get constantly touched by people, so aren't they just as likely to have bacteria? And if those doorhandles are bad, wouldn't you want to wash your hands before touching your penis? Especially with up-to-date bathrooms that have automatic flushing, what's the purpose of washing your hands? Is there some sort of spreadable disease that's sitting on your penis and you just need to wash your hands after handling it briefly?

Note: I do wash my hands, but I am wondering if there's any real evidence about bacteria transmission from people using bathrooms and if this is really just something people do out of habit.

Note: Gross? Science? poo poo post? I have no idea what category this thread sits in.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Captain Hygiene posted:

Wash yer drat hands all day every day

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Just FYI if you wear pants your dick and balls are coated in fecal coliform and every other nasty germ in your butt.

Every step moves your butthole germs around as they reproduce on your skin in that dark humid environment. One clothed fart turns your dick and balls into a nightmare factory of disease.

If you want to end the tyranny of hand-washing we need to abolish pants. Hanging dong is a win for public health.

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Every time the topic of hand washing has come up, there have been goons saying you don't need to wash your hands after you piss "unless you piss on your hands." It's like clockwork.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Just FYI if you wear pants your dick and balls are coated in fecal coliform and every other nasty germ in your butt.

Every step moves your butthole germs around as they reproduce on your skin in that dark humid environment. One clothed fart turns your dick and balls into a nightmare factory of disease.

If you want to end the tyranny of hand-washing we need to abolish pants. Hanging dong is a win for public health.

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Just FYI if you wear pants your dick and balls are coated in fecal coliform and every other nasty germ in your butt.

Every step moves your butthole germs around as they reproduce on your skin in that dark humid environment. One clothed fart turns your dick and balls into a nightmare factory of disease.

If you want to end the tyranny of hand-washing we need to abolish pants. Hanging dong is a win for public health.

The Filth posted:

I don't know who you're talking about