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Clark Nova posted:she should lean in to it - put a ouija board on the memorial table. make the flower girl a creepy doll on top of a remote control car Get a metal planchette & have a magnet under the table to move it around the board
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Dec 21, 2021 22:28
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Dig up the grave and open the casket so she can climb in too.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:28
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a memorial table at a wedding is some psycho poo poo
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Dec 21, 2021 22:29
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Johnny Truant posted:a memorial table at a wedding is some psycho poo poo It's not unheard of at weddings I've been to to have a small table with a few photos/trinkets of people who have died who would have been at the wedding had they lived, but yeah she's not talking about that, she's talking about a loving shrine.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:37
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It would probably be less of an issue if there were others to memorialize, other photos to include, but it seems the mother's obsession with Brooke extends this ritual only to her. Grandma? She can gently caress right off.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:39
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AceClown posted:It's not unheard of at weddings I've been to to have a small table with a few photos/trinkets of people who have died who would have been at the wedding had they lived, but yeah she's not talking about that, she's talking about a loving shrine. yeah I think saving a seat at a graduation for a photo of your long-deceased child is a much bigger psycho move than asking for a memorial table at a wedding, which seems like it's pretty routine (granted it's a wedding thing so being routine doesn't mean that it's not psycho, but I think the normal practice of an unobtrusive photo or two is pretty harmless)
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Dec 21, 2021 22:41
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The thing that struck me most was she always brought up Brooke at her other kids birthdays. Not just on Brooke's b-day, on their birthdays. "ok let's watch a slideshow about a dead child you don't remember" Also this photo of a deceased child gets a spot at the table. Who don't you slice a piece of birthday cake for Brooke too. *chokes up* I just miss her so drat much (the birthday girls little friends look on aghast as a woman wallows in grief at what should be a happy day)
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Dec 21, 2021 22:44
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the holy poopacy posted:yeah I think saving a seat at a graduation for a photo of your long-deceased child is a much bigger psycho move than asking for a memorial table at a wedding, which seems like it's pretty routine I think the issue is that the daughter's entire life has basically been a Memorial Shrine to Brooke, she wants one day to herself and her mom isn't playing ball. Every single interaction with her children is colored by Brooke and the fact that the mother hates that they don't remember her, so she tries to educate them about her so they can mourn properly. I'm not sure who this lady's therapist is but inflicting your trauma on others so you aren't alone in your misery is like, actually psychopathic.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:48
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It sounds like it was a good idea to send her kids to live with their father because she couldn't care for them. She couldn't! And repressing her grief was loving her up and I doubt she was actually even hiding it as well as she tried to! Parents are people too and sometimes intense grief can render a person unable to provide support for others for a time. Everything after that point sounds like a lot of compounding bad decisions that are now enshrined in her mind as Tradition, and I wonder what the gently caress sort of grief counselor she has that she hasn't been guided away from this self-destructive rut.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:53
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AceClown posted:It's not unheard of at weddings I've been to to have a small table with a few photos/trinkets of people who have died who would have been at the wedding had they lived, but yeah she's not talking about that, she's talking about a loving shrine. i've never heard of this before 
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Dec 21, 2021 22:53
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the holy poopacy posted:yeah I think saving a seat at a graduation for a photo of your long-deceased child is a much bigger psycho move than asking for a memorial table at a wedding, which seems like it's pretty routine
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Dec 21, 2021 22:53
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Kurieg posted:I think the issue is that the daughter's entire life has basically been a Memorial Shrine to Brooke, she wants one day to herself and her mom isn't playing ball. Every single interaction with her children is colored by Brooke and the fact that the mother hates that they don't remember her, so she tries to educate them about her so they can mourn properly. I'm not sure who this lady's therapist is but inflicting your trauma on others so you aren't alone in your misery is like, actually psychopathic. well yeah,  not saying that the mom isn't psycho, just that under normal circumstances this would be a pretty common and harmless ask. by shoehorning her dead daughter into every life event for her living children she basically managed to cost herself the one time that it's socially acceptable and commonplace to set aside space during a celebration to commemorate lost family members Brawnfire posted:It just finally clicked for me that this places Brooke's death in the mid-90s. she's been dead longer than jonbenet ramsey. the holy poopacy fucked around with this message at 22:57 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 22:54
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It just finally clicked for me that this places Brooke's death in the mid-90s. I was ten. The Simpsons had just five or six seasons. No 9/11 yet, in fact the 1993 WTC bombing was recent memory. Three years before "Hit Me Baby One More Time" is released. Batman Forever. Billy Madison.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:54
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Brawnfire posted:It just finally clicked for me that this places Brooke's death in the mid-90s. Yeah, Brooke was the lucky one
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Dec 21, 2021 22:56
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Agreed, I'd do anything to be able to go back and enjoy listening to Moxy Früvous
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Dec 21, 2021 22:58
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the holy poopacy posted:well yeah,
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Dec 21, 2021 22:58
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My mom (43F) is angry at me(17F) for not picking a university she likesquote:I live in Canada, and I have applied to several universities in the States. I plan on going into business. Although I admit that many schools in the States provide better education and better platform, oftentimes I think the cost isn't justifiable. As an international student, going to one of the top schools (because it's not worth it to move to the States unless it's a great school) will cost easily more than half a million dollars. I will carry the burden of student loan in a country I don't know of, with no one I know and barely an adult. The tuition will be more than 4x the cost of a top school in Canada.
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Dec 21, 2021 22:59
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Johnny Truant posted:i've never heard of this before It's not unheard of if there is a close friend who died recently who would definitely have been there, or you want to have a nod to the father who didn't get a chance to walk you down the aisle like you both wanted to. But not for someone who has been dead for over 20 years whom you never knew. I'm sympathetic with mum in that it isn't her fault she clearly had some kind of breakdown and needed space to function. But it is so very very sad that her grief has never moved on to acceptance. Alchenar fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 23:02
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Alchenar posted:It's not unheard of if there is a close friend who died recently who would definitely have been there, or you want to have a nod to the father who didn't get a chance to walk you down the isle like you both wanted to. But not for someone who has been dead for over 20 years whom you never knew. Yeah, my cousin and her husband had a little table with some pictures of both their dads at their wedding because both had died and they'd had good relationships with them. It wasn't like a huge thing, just a little acknowledgement.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:05
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You can put out whatever you want at your own wedding, you have much less control over your children's wedding unless you want to a) pay for it and b) leverage that into destroying your relationship
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Dec 21, 2021 23:06
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If your an international student how do student loans work? Would it be an American company giving her the loan? What happens if she doesn't pay it back and stays in Canada her whole life after college, does it affect Canadian credit? Or does a Canadian company give you the loan?
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Dec 21, 2021 23:06
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I have no idea about the loan mechanics, but I had to lol a bit at "I want to go into business" at the same time as "I'm a people pleaser" (seemingly meaning "I'm usually a pushover").
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Dec 21, 2021 23:11
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:If your an international student how do student loans work? Would it be an American company giving her the loan? What happens if she doesn't pay it back and stays in Canada her whole life after college, does it affect Canadian credit? Or does a Canadian company give you the loan? a student loan is basically a regular line of credit, and you generally need a social security number to apply for one. foreign nationals can fairly easily get a loan for a home, since the bank can always foreclose on the property in the case of default, but with a student loan there is no collateral if someone takes out six-figures of debt to get a degree at an american university and goes back to their home country, never to return. it can be done, but a us citizen cosigner is required in 99.99% of cases it's not a coincidence that most foreign students at us universities are from fairly well off families who can pay in cash The_Franz fucked around with this message at 23:25 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 23:22
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PetraCore posted:It sounds like it was a good idea to send her kids to live with their father because she couldn't care for them. She couldn't! And repressing her grief was loving her up and I doubt she was actually even hiding it as well as she tried to! Parents are people too and sometimes intense grief can render a person unable to provide support for others for a time. Everything after that point sounds like a lot of compounding bad decisions that are now enshrined in her mind as Tradition, and I wonder what the gently caress sort of grief counselor she has that she hasn't been guided away from this self-destructive rut. Checking out of your surviving kids from ages 4-11 and 13-18 is a hell of a thing to do to them.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:31
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Miserable Maid posted:Haha, all the commenters on Reddit are yelling at OP for that reason. That since the girl NEVER ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING, the only reasonable conclusion the brother could take is she was either a pickpocket, or just mentally unwell The OP keeps insisting robotically each time to those comments that he "did not give her enough time to explain" lol.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:39
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:If your an international student how do student loans work? Would it be an American company giving her the loan? What happens if she doesn't pay it back and stays in Canada her whole life after college, does it affect Canadian credit? Or does a Canadian company give you the loan? She can’t get real student loans (federal loans). Any loan she would get is a private loan from a bank like a car loan except secured against her parents credit
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Dec 21, 2021 23:46
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The_Franz posted:a student loan is basically a regular line of credit, and you generally need a social security number to apply for one. foreign nationals can fairly easily get a loan for a home, since the bank can always foreclose on the property in the case of default, but with a student loan there is no collateral if someone takes out six-figures of debt to get a degree at an american university and goes back to their home country, never to return. it can be done, but a us citizen cosigner is required in 99.99% of cases Student loans from the government are not like lines of credit in any shape or form. She can’t get federally backed student loans because she’s not a US national.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:49
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Johnny Truant posted:i've never heard of this before Like, imagine the Bride's dad died 3 weeks before the wedding. Someone who was absolutely supposed to be there but passed instead. Memorial table is a compromise between "Dad died and you didn't even care" and cancelling the big day which is obviously really bad and likely to make the pain even worse. Have a toast to Bill, who wanted his daughter to be happy.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:49
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I guess I assumed student loans were super easy to acquire. I didn't think you needed any credit to get them I assumed because they're safer because they can take it from you easier than a private agency could.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:51
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Thundercloud posted:Checking out of your surviving kids from ages 4-11 and 13-18 is a hell of a thing to do to them. At that point, I don't know why she took them back for 12 and why she's interacting with them at all now.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:55
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It's interesting that she didn't mention what the father thinks either way. I assume he's pretty close to them too as he had them for basically all but one year of their life full time.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:59
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:I guess I assumed student loans were super easy to acquire. I didn't think you needed any credit to get them I assumed because they're safer because they can take it from you easier than a private agency could. Its super easy for US citizens to get loans from the federal government. But she’s not eligible for those so instead it’s just a regular bank loan with bad terms.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:59
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Midnight Voyager posted:At that point, I don't know why she took them back for 12 and why she's interacting with them at all now. I don't know why they are interacting with her
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Dec 22, 2021 00:02
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Soylent Pudding posted:Another classic I pass by a cemetery maybe few times a month and always see graves with fresh flowers and decorations, and sometimes people in camping chairs hanging out with Meemaw or whomever. This person owns bones for giving strangers something to chuckle about while visiting relatives. Good for them. Also yeah we had a small memorial table at a cousin's wedding, but it was against the wall, out of the way. It has some framed pictures, and well wishes to the wedding couple. That side of the family is Latine if that puts thing into context? Big family, big on memorials.
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Dec 22, 2021 01:07
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If I ever get married I will have a sculpture of my dead mother's head glued to the shoulder of my wedding dress like a macabre Zaphod Beeblebrox and I don't care what anyone thinks I don't like listening to Delilah, but it's playing on the radio station where I'm eating dinner and tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is a grandmother whose son is planning to move out of their shared house because she won't stop fighting with him about his always keeping his infant children upstairs. Delilah is unhelpful.
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Dec 22, 2021 01:28
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My (26F) husband (26M) told me that he thinks being married to someone in his field would be a better fit and won't compromise with me on going to counseling.quote:My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for four months. I thought everything was perfect. We had some communication issues in the past but we worked through them and I really thought everything was going well. We’re both Post-docs in different fields of STEM, and I always thought having different interests enriched our marriage but, well…
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Dec 22, 2021 02:17
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$10 says husband is an engineer
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Dec 22, 2021 02:54
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Cythereal posted:My (26F) husband (26M) told me that he thinks being married to someone in his field would be a better fit and won't compromise with me on going to counseling. Dude's got a work wife he wants to bone.
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Dec 22, 2021 03:05
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Cythereal posted:My (26F) husband (26M) told me that he thinks being married to someone in his field would be a better fit and won't compromise with me on going to counseling. Lady, the marriage counselor is gonna take you aside and say "take the divorce" so I dunno why you want to pay so much for that
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Dec 22, 2021 03:21
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Thundercloud posted:Checking out of your surviving kids from ages 4-11 and 13-18 is a hell of a thing to do to them. she spent more years of her life abandoning the living children than parenting the dead one
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Dec 22, 2021 03:25
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