|
I would simply befriend the dog. The real question is how many 5-year-old kids could the dog and I take on together.
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 17:17
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 31, 2024 19:14 |
|
|
Alpacas and llamas hate dogs. Surround yourself with spitting, kicking and biting allies in the event a cop dog is after you.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 17:23
|
|
|
https://i.imgur.com/LjpMLuZ.mp4
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 17:44
|
|
|
There's only one helmet, and the most important passenger gets to wear it.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 18:20
|
|
|
its stunning how at certain sizes animals can just go "i dont know what you are, i dont understand you, but that hasnt stopped my charging technique from working before" like, yea sure, charge the inanimate boat with gooey animate humans in it, it's got a 50/50 chance of working
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 18:29
|
|
|
Dogs are bigger and will do more damage than you think. The one time I had to stop a dog from doing something, she was already focused on gnawing on another dog’s neck, and I had the other roommate to help by throwing things to distract them until we could get them into separate rooms and call their owner to fix her poo poo. I almost took the option of leaving the house and calling animal control, but I didn’t want the other roommate to do something stupid by herself. They’re made of meat and clamps and knives, and they’re not going to feel bad about hurting you.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 18:54
|
|
|
wilderthanmild posted:Some of that might also be various definitions of "winning". in the immmortaly stupid words of wikihow, quote:Dogs are terrible wrestlers. Go to the ground and use your body weight to break as many bones as you can before you bleed out. shame on an IGA fucked around with this message at 19:02 on Dec 28, 2021 |
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 18:59
|
|
|
Fighting dogs is easy, the trick is just to subdue them before they chomp all your fingers off and you can no longer use your monkey's paw on them.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:04
|
|
|
wilderthanmild posted:Lol at 22% of men and 12% of women who think they'd win against a chimpanzee. I'd put the reality of that being 0%. Maybe 22% of men and 12% of women don't know what a chimpanzee is and think of much smaller monkeys like a capuchin monkey. I agree. If you've seen a chimp at a zoo for real, with its bulging humanoid musculature and fangs the size of your thumb, you know there's no way you're winning in that fight. I'd say that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, any adult chimpanzee defeats any adult human. The one time the human wins it's by a lucky kick to the throat or something, and they probably still end up mauled. Fighting a chimpanzee hand to hand would be like going up against Batman after he'd snorted a kilo of PCP.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:18
|
|
|
ikanreed posted:Very special scenario. If you're running away from the dog's allies, that's pretty much an ideal scenario for the dog/wolf's natural pack hunting strategy, using your own mass and speed against you, dragging you to the ground, while attacking from a blind spot. If they're not aggressive, just wiggly, sometimes you get stubborn, and you think, "he's not attacking, so I'm gonna try to outwrestle him", and you fail every single time. They are flexible and strong and fast and cannot be subdued if they decide not to be. If you start the fight with them already restrained, you can *maybe* control them for a short period of time, but a dog that's already on the attack? Not a chance in hell. I think you might get an edge if you introduce kicking into the equation, but for obvious reasons, I haven't tried it. Don't wrestle aggressive dogs. Sagebrush posted:I agree. If you've seen a chimp at a zoo for real, with its bulging humanoid musculature and fangs the size of your thumb, you know there's no way you're winning in that fight.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:21
|
|
|
Sagebrush posted:I agree. If you've seen a chimp at a zoo for real, with its bulging humanoid musculature and fangs the size of your thumb, you know there's no way you're winning in that fight. 
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:25
|
|
|
Man did not dominate the world because we can beat animals one on one. We dominated the world because we figured out how to use sticks and other assorted tools to beat other animals.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:28
|
|
|
Yeah after one dog attack I just started carrying a bat and a knife. Not gonna wrestle a pitbull but I will smash his skull
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:28
|
|
|
Mr. Nice! posted:Man did not dominate the world because we can beat animals one on one. We dominated the world because we figured out how to use sticks and other assorted tools to beat other animals. Also by lightly jogging after prey animals until they're exhausted and just need poked with a sharps stick. Sometimes we lightly jogged them off of cliffs for a shorter pursuit.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:31
|
|
|
when did this thread turn into the joe rogan podcast
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:32
|
|
|
I bet a chimp could take joe rogan.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:34
|
|
|
CRUSTY MINGE posted:I bet a chimp could take joe rogan. Joe Rogan is a chimp.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:35
|
|
|
Cojawfee posted:Joe Rogan is a chimp. don't insult chimps like that, they don't deserve it
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:36
|
|
|
Cojawfee posted:Joe Rogan is a chimp. Nah, he's just a higher percentage of caveman than most of us.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 19:42
|
|
|
chimpples
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:14
|
|
|
Chimp arms are so absurdly long in proportion to human arms that even if they're smaller they've got the reach advantage, and those arms are buff as hell. Getting into a fight with a chimp sounds like a good way to lose your face, it's just not worth it. EDIT: These are the proportions involved 
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:21
|
|
|
Cthulu Carl posted:I like how Lion is the only one where women are cockier Just how many of them have mixed lion with anteater.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:21
|
|
|
PetraCore posted:Chimp arms are so absurdly long in proportion to human arms that even if they're smaller they've got the reach advantage, and those arms are buff as hell. Getting into a fight with a chimp sounds like a good way to lose your face, it's just not worth it. Counterpoint: Their legs, not so much. Conclusion: Tae Kwon Do is the optimal style to fight chimps
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:23
|
|
|
DandyLion posted:Counterpoint: Their legs, not so much. Conclusion: Tae Kwon Do is the optimal style to fight chimps
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:26
|
|
|
i would fight a wolf over a chimp because at least i would die in a puddle of my own blood with my penis intact
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:31
|
|
|
I learned from Quantum Leap that chimps can't swim, and I have no idea why Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell would lie to me about this, so the key to surviving a chimp fight is to find deep water. There might be crocs in the water, but maybe they'll go for the chimp first as it thrashes around.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:32
|
|
|
Cthulu Carl posted:I learned from Quantum Leap that chimps can't swim, and I have no idea why Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell would lie to me about this, so the key to surviving a chimp fight is to find deep water.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:33
|
|
|
Chimps first move is gonna be to bite your penis at which point you've already lost.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:34
|
|
|
PetraCore posted:Hippo's probably a faster death than a chimp, anyway. Years ago Discovery Channel had a show called "Animal Face-off" where they'd build robot versions of jaws and claws for different animals, destroy poo poo with them, then have a CGI fight to the death between the two animals they were talking about. For the Bull Shark vs. Hippo episode, the CGI shark kept biting at the CGI hippo to no effect. Then it buit the CGI hippo's CGI tail off and the CGI hippo bit the CGI shark in half then continued to graze CGI grass. I'd take hippo death as well. Chimps are smart enough to have malice, hippos just want you out of their way, if you die, you die.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:38
|
|
|
Foone finding the quality forklift shirts. Anyone who buys and wears that programmer one should have to fight a chimp https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1475914663502045186
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:43
|
|
|
One of the things that makes chimps so dangerous is they tend to want to attack all your softest and most vulnerable parts. So imagine you're fighting the world's strongest man, who has insanely long arms, but instead of like punching you he's trying to gouge your eyes out, tear you genitals off, and bite your nose and lips off.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:45
|
|
|
Cthulu Carl posted:I learned from Quantum Leap that chimps can't swim, and I have no idea why Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell would lie to me about this, so the key to surviving a chimp fight is to find deep water. chimps can swim, they just don't like to. they're very dense and so swimming is extra difficult for them. if you've pissed off a chimp enough to follow you into water you can probably use this chance to escape through better swimming skills, but the chimp WILL follow you into water if its enraged enough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q916J6rzqno
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:51
|
|
|
wilderthanmild posted:One of the things that makes chimps so dangerous is they tend to want to attack all your softest and most vulnerable parts. So imagine you're fighting the world's strongest man, who has insanely long arms, but instead of like punching you he's trying to gouge your eyes out, tear you genitals off, and bite your nose and lips off. oh so kind of like trying to nap with a toddler
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:52
|
|
|
wilderthanmild posted:One of the things that makes chimps so dangerous is they tend to want to attack all your softest and most vulnerable parts. So imagine you're fighting the world's strongest man, who has insanely long arms, but instead of like punching you he's trying to gouge your eyes out, tear you genitals off, and bite your nose and lips off.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 20:52
|
|
|
lobsterminator posted:How would it be possible to lose to a rat or a cat even if you did almost nothing? You could pretty much just step on both. Fighting a pissed off cat results in a Pyrrhic victory at best if you don’t shut that little fucker down FAST. One of my neighbors had a rabid bobcat jump in his truck with him, gently caress his day up real good, then it disappeared into the woods. They’re all slick fur and razor blades. You’re gonna win, but at what cost?
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:00
|
|
|
Sammus posted:Fighting a pissed off cat results in a Pyrrhic victory at best if you don’t shut that little fucker down FAST. One of my neighbors had a rabid bobcat jump in his truck with him, gently caress his day up real good, then it disappeared into the woods. They’re all slick fur and razor blades. You’re gonna win, but at what cost? Didn't a mountain biker wrestle/strangle a half starved rabid mountain lion to death a few years ago after it attacked him?
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:04
|
|
|
Sammus posted:Fighting a pissed off cat results in a Pyrrhic victory at best if you don’t shut that little fucker down FAST. One of my neighbors had a rabid bobcat jump in his truck with him, gently caress his day up real good, then it disappeared into the woods. They’re all slick fur and razor blades. You’re gonna win, but at what cost?  ok
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:05
|
|
|
I just got my hand bit the gently caress up trying to wrestle a 30lb dog, I don't think I could defeat ANY animal. OSHA related because I work at a dog daycare.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:08
|
|
|
it's been like three pages of wrestling animals, how about y'all wrestle with the childhood trauma that made you this way.
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 31, 2024 19:14 |
|
|
Some rats can summon their stand and fire a poisoned barb at you, cause you to melt into a horrible terrible cube of meat jelly. See Image Below for Reference 
|
|
#
?
Dec 28, 2021 21:19
|
|
