The 5000 Page Thread: The 500 Cats Thread

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(Thread IKs: bagmonkey)

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

topher2915 posted:

Figuring it to be either a big animal or a human, I went back inside to get a gun and my wife went to our neighbors house, as they were in their garage, to see if they heard or saw anything. We all met in the back yard, and wandered around looking for signs of trespass. Then, my wife went to go inside to check on our baby, asleep at that time. She found the door to have been locked behind us, and it only locks from the inside. We were all outside. The baby was inside with whoever locked the door.

With gun in hand, I immediately hauled rear end around to the front of the house while my wife followed, screaming at the neighbors to call 911. I burst through the front door and ran to the back of the house and into the baby's room. She was fast asleep in the crib, so I started running around kicking doors open, checking closets, turning lights on. Nothing and no one. We got the baby and went outside to wait on the cops.

They got there about twenty minutes later, we explained the situation, all looked at the poop, and went around the house. At the point where our fence ties into the house, the shingles were smashed down, as if someone was standing on the fence and dragging themselves up. no other evidence was found, besides the obvious leavings.

Possibly a kid playing a prank, but that is a dangerous game to play when in Texas and putting my wife and child in danger, whether real or imagined.

Honestly I don't even know if there was actually anyone inside at any point. It has never happened, but I suppose in the excitement the door could have locked itself, though I have no clue how.

We don't normally lock any doors unless we are going out of town, but I guess we will have to start that now, and it sucks. Sucks to feel violated.

Assuming no one was inside, does anyone know of an animal that can take a human size poo poo, then piss on the poo poo, and do it all on a roof? That would help alleviate our anxiety.

TLDR: poo poo on a shingle

# ? Dec 30, 2021 04:53

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 22:51

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

I still think about that story every once in awhile. also this thread, which may or may not be fiction I don't remember what the verdict is but its a ride either way. you have a good idea what you're getting into from the thread title so fair warning

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1353420

# ? Dec 30, 2021 04:59

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

Revins posted:

the thc in wax isn't decarboxylated, and needs to reach high temperatures to achieve this. If you don't have some kind of dedicated setup for them, your options are kind of limited

most people have an oven

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:02

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

Aardvark! posted:

one of my best friends is a billion miles deep in to dab hit technology and I'll take a third of one of his hits and be like, no thank you, I do not wish to operate the propane torch any more

and he'll be like half on the floor with the torch lit accidentally aimed at his bed or something and it magically never lights anything on fire but it loving terrifies me

A good friend of mine had a huge titanium piece for his massive bong that took a lot of heat to get going and required a full sized propane torch and I always hated it, it really is scary. If that poo poo tips over in a bad way the couch is going from fine to on loving fire in an instant because those things put out a lot of heat and it is definitely kind of scary. He was always slow and methodical with it and never left it on at least, and never tipped it over. your friend is lucky nothing has happened

also he kept a little fire extinguisher nearby just in case, your friend should as well

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:04

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

makin moms meatloaf for dinner bivtch

lipton onion soup packet is an essential ingredient!!!! :2bong:

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:06

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

EorayMel posted:

My favorite post:

quote:

Observation: poo poo on roof.

Conclusion: Home invader.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:06

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Revins posted:

I still think about that story every once in awhile. also this thread, which may or may not be fiction I don't remember what the verdict is but its a ride either way. you have a good idea what you're getting into from the thread title so fair warning

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1353420

Fuckin classic right here folks

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:07

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Tip posted:

most people have an oven

Big Green Egg

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:08

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Chinatown posted:

makin moms meatloaf for dinner bivtch

lipton onion soup packet is an essential ingredient!!!!

I do hope you're making enough for everyone in the thread

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:09

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

I should make a meatloaf, I've never attempted one and it seems easy enough. maybe... perhaps... some meat balls while I'm at it too??

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:12

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

ilovebeersooomuch posted:

I do hope you're making enough for everyone in the thread

sober leftovers :haibrow:

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:16

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Revins posted:

I should make a meatloaf, I've never attempted one and it seems easy enough. maybe... perhaps... some meat balls while I'm at it too??

Funny you should say that, my meat loaf and meat ball recipies ("italian style") have the same ingredients, but different volumes

Ground beef
Garlic
Bread soaked in milk
Eggs
Oatmeal
Grated parmesan cheese
Pepper
Parsley
Bread crumbs

You can add some fennel seed and raisins in some of them if you like as Grandpa Beer would sometimes do which I never liked until I got older

I guess what I'm trying to say is yes, you should do this because its reletively easy, it keeps well, makes a bunch, is loving BALLER as a sandwich and you friends and loved ones will high five you so hard

Edit: you should make a meatloaf if I wanst being clear

ilovebeersooomuch fucked around with this message at 05:29 on Dec 30, 2021

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:24

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Chinatown posted:

sober leftovers

My goon hell yeah

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:25

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

I have a bag of polish chocolates that have cherry and liquor in them. I'm going to eat the bag and see if I get buzzed or diabetes first.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:28

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

ilovebeersooomuch posted:

is loving BALLER as a sandwich

Edit: you should make a meatloaf if I wanst being clear

I used to live near a farmer's market with a breakfast/lunch place run by Mennonite folk that had an amazing open faced meatloaf sandwich. It was a lot of food for 5 bux and came with some chips and a good sized pickle wedge. I miss that farmer's market

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:29

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

ilovebeersooomuch posted:

I have a bag of polish chocolates that have cherry and liquor in them. I'm going to eat the bag and see if I get buzzed or diabetes first.

First one, then the other.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:29

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Revins posted:

I used to live near a farmer's market with a breakfast/lunch place run by Mennonite folk that had an amazing open faced meatloaf sandwich. It was a lot of food for 5 bux and came with some chips and a good sized pickle wedge. I miss that farmer's market

I've never been there but I'd miss it too

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:31

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Zil posted:

First one, then the other.

Yeah, you're right, probably not a good idea even for a man of science like myself.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:33

ilovebeersooomuch: May 23, 2014

Btw, this is what my robot vacuum reminds me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p5-lXY2_J4

# ? Dec 30, 2021 05:45

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Tip did you ever get enough fire to get high?

In a pinch you can ignite dry spaghetti like an incense stick and use that, although it takes some finesse.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:05

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Meme Poker Party posted:

You have been granted a powerful vision.

I think it was just some random things from this thread bouncing around in my brain.

I could have easily had a vision of an angry midwesterner screaming a pair of festooned testicles in the middle of a snowy Norwegian cityscape while a color me badd cassingle spooled overhead in celestial glory.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:07

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

Prof. Crocodile posted:

Tip did you ever get enough fire to get high?

In a pinch you can ignite dry spaghetti like an incense stick and use that, although it takes some finesse.

I got a little high

will probably just switch to the party vape for the remainder of the evening

you're the second to mention spaghetti, I might give that a try mainly so that it's in my brain the next time I'm without fire

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:13

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

I decided to try to class up my self done buzz cut by making the top a little longer than the sides

it went mostly ok but halfway through trying to fade between the two lengths I said gently caress it and just trimmed it all the same length

then I was doing the edges with a 1 guard and noticed a long spot in my hair and without thinking took the trimmer to it

so now all my hair is 1/16 of an inch long :haw:

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:17

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

VERY classy now

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:17

Computer viking: May 30, 2011; Now with less breakage.

I do my hair longer than buzzcut, but in much the same way - and I sort of freestyle doing the sides shorter than the top. Somehow it usually looks OK, but I always worry that I'll do something like that and the only reasonable fix is to cut everything super short. I do not look good with 5mm hair.

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:28

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

I've been maintaining my own hair since last april. Bought a $50 trimmer kit and just kind of jumped into it. Who knows how much money I've saved on haircuts at this point

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:35

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

Computer viking posted:

I do my hair longer than buzzcut, but in much the same way - and I sort of freestyle doing the sides shorter than the top. Somehow it usually looks OK, but I always worry that I'll do something like that and the only reasonable fix is to cut everything super short. I do not look good with 5mm hair.

I once made this same mistake and turned it into a mohawk

I don't have quite enough hair or youthful energy to go that route now though

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:40

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

cutting my own hair is one of those things where I was ahead of the pandemic curve by nearly 20 years :smuggo:

see also: isolation, social distancing, mental illness

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:42

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

I'm definitely goin bald. My dad bought me one of those hats that shoot lasers into your head awhile back but I don't think it did all that much. Don't really care anymore anyways. Just gonna go full comb over later

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:43

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

going full shaved head for awhile was interesting, it didn't look bad but it was a pain to maintain after awhile, also hair keeps head warm

I am not going bald, grandfathers on both sides died with full heads of hair, I am not worried about hair loss

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:44

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

DeadFatDuckFat posted:

I'm definitely goin bald. My dad bought me one of those hats that shoot lasers into your head awhile back but I don't think it did all that much. Don't really care anymore anyways. Just gonna go full comb over later

real talk: I don't think those lasers do much but there are some pretty effective things you can do for hair loss

when I first noticed hair loss like ten years ago I tried some stuff but basically gave up when my research seemed to indicate that the best I could hope for was to regain a little bit of my hair for a little while

more recently I was inspired to give it another look and discovered that you can regain and retain huge amounts of hair by combining the known proven therapies

in the past 4 months my hair has majorly rebounded and I'm like halfway back to not being bald

finasteride, minoxidil, nizoral, and microneedling are a miracle when you use them all together

I was very skeptical of microneedling but there are a bunch of studies available that show using it in conjunction with minoxidil can double or triple the hair regrowth

anyways, that concludes my ted talk on balding

# ? Dec 30, 2021 06:56

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

left side is my hair 4 months ago, right side is a few days ago

# ? Dec 30, 2021 07:04

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

still got a ways to go but the improvements have been accelerating, can see a marked difference from even two weeks ago

# ? Dec 30, 2021 07:06

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

I tried the spaghetti trick and it will only stay lit for a second, maybe I need a thinner or fatter noodle

# ? Dec 30, 2021 07:37

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

gonna try angel hair and if that doesn't work I'll do fettuccine

# ? Dec 30, 2021 07:37

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

angel hair was about the same as spaghetti but fettuccine managed to hold a light for like 15 seconds at one point

also when the fettuccine was really working it was shooting off four different flame peaks in different directions that defied gravity and all sense and reason

it was cool

# ? Dec 30, 2021 07:42