r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

The Bramble posted:

Um can we please cool it on using the m-word slur on this page? I don't want to have to start mass reporting people.

Look at this childman.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 16:33

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:43

Barudak: May 7, 2007

The Bramble posted:

Um can we please cool it on using the m-word slur on this page? I don't want to have to start mass reporting people.

Yeah, this doesn't look like the Never-Never Land Politics thread

# ? Jan 2, 2022 16:39

Machai: Feb 21, 2013

Midnight Voyager posted:

I failed a test like that once and nearly killed myself on the way home, just saying.

800-273-8255

# ? Jan 2, 2022 16:41

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

The Bramble posted:

Um can we please cool it on using the m-word slur on this page? I don't want to have to start mass reporting people.

manchild

# ? Jan 2, 2022 16:59

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Dr. Stab posted:

"Wife as servant" is a super normalized part of our culture, and while it was way more prevalent in past generations, a lot of people still believe that that's just how marriage is supposed to be. A thing you have to suffer through in order to get babies or social status or otherwise have a "successful" life.

DrManiac posted:

Look at this chump who actually loves his kid lol.

A lot of guys treat having a kid the same as those people who adopt a dog and instantly abandon it once they realize you need to put in effort.

The dubiously named doctors are correct, though also that a shitload of people had and continue to have kids not because they want to but because that's what they're told they're supposed to do.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 17:06

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Mx. posted:

AITA for refusing to take in my sister's baby after I took in her daughter?

Your fertile womb is making my house too crowded.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 17:18

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

Since it's not social suicide anymore, you might as well skip marriage and opt for a sperm donor if your lizard brain needs to reproduce so badly. At least you'll only be responsible for the one baby.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 18:03

Cobalt-60: Oct 11, 2016; by Azathoth

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

And how are there so many people willing to put up with that poo poo?

Amatonormativity is a hell of a drug.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 18:17

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

greazeball posted:

I am really interested to know people's definition of "the perfect partner" except for that one thing. None of the people in the stories seem to be funny or positive or financially stable so what is it?

The funny answer is "big penis and/or boobies," but the real answer is probably "is with me, hasn't broken up with me, maybe doesn't physically hurt me." Some people really, really, really, don't know how to be alone, and someone being with them makes that person "perfect" for simply being a warm body that exists in their lives.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 18:30

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA for refusing to force my son to apologize to my wife for "ruining" her New Years toast speech?

quote:

Important context:

My son �Finn� (18) is from a previous relationship. Since early childhood I had full custody; his mother is not in the picture. We were both young when he was born, so his childhood was a little unstable for a bit. However, I have my life together now. I got married when he was 7, and together me (m37) and my wife �Mary� (f40) live as a blended family, with my two stepsons �Cody� (16) and �Lucas� (18).

Yet, I have noticed some issues. Finn is a very sensitive kid, and Cody and Lucas are nothing like this. So, altogether, they tend to get along for a bit, like most kids do, and then have fights. It�s always Cody and Lucas vs Finn, which is a bit upsetting, but again � kids fight. Everyone gets disciplined and these fights were pretty normal stuff, arguing about games, tv, etc. However, recently, I have noticed them get a little political. The boys tend to disagree about topics like these, so I�ve banned it at the dinner table.

Finn then came out to us as bisexual this year. My wife is Christian; so are the boys. I�ve always been unlabelled, open to it, but not entirely into organised religion. Due to this my wife used unfortunate phrasing, like calling him confused and saying that he was too young to know for sure. I told her at the time to respect how he identifies. My logic is - so what if it changes? You need to support your kids regardless. So, that was that dropped. The boys seemed confused by it, but they didn�t say anything in front of me after that.

Overall, I thought it went well. All the worrying behaviour Finn displayed � staying out late, being withdrawn, etc. seemed to fade away for a good week, like a weight had been lifted.

Then it started up again and came to a head on New Year�s. My wife traditionally cooks a big dinner for New Years, we have a few family members over, and we all say things that we are thankful to God for, and how we�re going to improve ourselves. She was giving her speech, which was all about how family was the most important thing in life and how we should be grateful to each other, to which Finn gets visibly upset to the point of tears. He stands up and says that that was ironic, considering the things they say to him. I asked what he meant, and it all came out that the boys had started making gay jokes frequently and that my wife, separate to that, had started scaring him by showing him worrying statistics about LGBT youth/bisexual men. I was stunned and disturbed when this came to light. Finn was crying and left the room after exposing all the things they�d been saying without my knowledge. I left the party to comfort him while my wife continued hosting.

So, my wife thinks he�s humiliated her in front of the family, ruined the night, and overreacted to things and thinks he should apologise to her, the boys and the family. I, however, have refused and this has caused a big argument between us. Am I the rear end in a top hat for refusing to make him say sorry? I think my wife owes him one.

I missread originally and thought he was making the son apologize and my WTF level was rising higher and higher.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 19:04

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

AITA for my reaction to hearing my neighbors son was looking in my windows, from his parents?

quote:

Not the A-hole

I live alone in a house next to a family. A few weeks ago, my neighbors, a married couple, came to me and said they could see in my windows.

I was a little confused why she'd say something like that.

Since I got pretty obsessed with houseplants during the pandemic, I like let in the natural light. So.. duh.

My neighbor told me that their preteen son could see me in the window. I went "okay?"

(Edit, the kid is about 14, he's in high school. So a teen rather than preteen. Maybe the mom misspoke, or maybe I misheard, or maybe there's a chance he skipped several grades ahead, but I thought I should clarify.)

The father said that the boy was at that sort of age where he was becoming interested in looking at women.

I said "Are you saying you've caught your son looking?"

His mom said yes, and I said "Well, y'all oughtta correct that behavior fast. He better be learning drat well that that can't be tolerated."

His mom said that they were "gentle" parents,

I replied "This is one thing you better not be 'gentle' about, if you don't correct that behavior hard and fast you're gonna be having a real problem on your hands."

His dad told me not to threaten his family,

I told him "You're misunderstanding me, I'm saying your boy is a problem, not me. And you need to address that within your own home, it's inappropriate you're brought this to me."

The dad looked like he was about to have a temper with me, he started to say not to tell them how to parent, and his wife pulled him away home.

Yesterday, I had four female friends over last night for a NYE fire. It was socially distanced outside.

We were having some drinks and one of my friends was gonna go use the bathroom. I remembered I oughta warn her and as she was entering the house I yelled "Yo, there's a peeping tom over there, shut the bathroom curtains before you piss!" I also pointed at the house.

My friend who was going to pee was kinda drunk and yelled back "OKAY, BUT ALSO WHAT THE gently caress? YOU GOTTA TELL ME HOW YOU CAUGHT THEM PERVING"

My other friends had questions and I retold the story of how the neighbors came around and told me about their creepy son, and how they got a temper when I said that behavior needed corrected. My friends thought that was super hosed up.

Since we were all sat 6 feet apart, and all drunk, and all trying to talk over each other, we became pretty loud.

Some of my friends were saying stuff like "What kinda hosed up parent won't punish that?" And "The parents are loving creeps too if they don't see a problem"

Then we saw the neighbor family's dad come out and approach our group, and one of my friends who's kinda a firebrand called out "You're being filmed, if you step foot over here you're trespassing" and held up her phone.

The guy went back to his house and we heard some arguments inside.

I feel like it was super inappropriate for that family to have brought this to me in the first place, but I also feel a little bad that my friends and I said all that in earshot of that family and maybe other neighbors.

AITA for how I handled the creppy neighbor situation?

.____

Edit to address some common (and honestly creepy) questions

I am not a nudist, I wear clothes at home. And I get dressed in a walk in closet without windows.

I do not use the toilet in front of an open window, I draw the curtains first

I'm not sure why so many people assumed I was a nudist without me ever saying anything along those lines, but I'm not.

I think that my casual clothes (gym shorts, tank tops or t-shirts) are things the family finds inappropriate regardless because they are very conservative Christians and the women and girls in the family have to be covered neck to knee and don't wear short sleeves or close fitted clothes.

So while I find my outfits appropriate to hang around in, or even go to run errands or go to the gym in, I suspect they might see them as immodest by their values.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 19:17

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Sisal Two-Step posted:

AITA for my reaction to hearing my neighbors son was looking in my windows, from his parents?

Lol at the dad grandpa simpsoning out of there the instant he thought he was on camera hmm wonder why :thunk:

# ? Jan 2, 2022 19:22

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Sisal Two-Step posted:

AITA for my reaction to hearing my neighbors son was looking in my windows, from his parents?

Talk is free. If the kid's parents weren't lovely freaks that let their creepy kid spy on their neighbors, nobody would have poo poo to drunkenly yell about it.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 19:24

Sodium Chloride: Jan 1, 2008

Mx. posted:

AITA for how I reacted after I discovered my husband left our daughter in dirty diaper for 4hrs?

The OP is basically a single parent and doesn't realise it yet.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:23

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Kid's an idiot for getting caught and the parents are snitches.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:27

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

kntfkr posted:

Kid's an idiot for getting caught and the parents are snitches.

Dad's probably the one perving which is why he doesn't want to discipline the boy.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:32

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

kntfkr posted:

Kid's an idiot for getting caught and the parents are snitches.

The peeper? Ehhh peeping toms are a kind of sexual predator, gently caress 'em.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:32

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

My grandma used to tell me about a weird kid in the neighborhood that would ladder up to peoples windows at night. She told me when he was older he got arrested whacking it on someone garage roof.
They gotta stop the kid now

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:56

Rescue Toaster: Mar 13, 2003

Malcolm Excellent posted:

My grandma used to tell me about a weird kid in the neighborhood that would ladder up to peoples windows at night. She told me when he was older he got arrested whacking it on someone garage roof.
They gotta stop the kid now

Based on the updates it's not even clear the kid was doing... anything? I kind of got a 'oh my god there's a woman existing somewhere our son can see her' vibe.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 21:01

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Rescue Toaster posted:

Based on the updates it's not even clear the kid was doing... anything? I kind of got a 'oh my god there's a woman existing somewhere our son can see her' vibe.

Same, probably the dad was busted or something and deflected onto the son.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 21:08

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

it's been my experience that heavily religious families don't even know their own kids, their parents live in a fog where they unquestioningly believe everything they're told about teenagers while stoically ignoring everything their actual teen is trying to tell them. all teens are horny rulebreakers trying to smoke drugs, because that's how it is on the television, and if their lives are dramatic like television they can turn their faces away from the all-sucking void of nullity that has swallowed their entire personality.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 21:15

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

they were likely about to launch into a spiel about how their son is 'that age' and it sure would be convenient if she just covered up her harlot skin rather than tempting him so much

that got waylaid pretty early when she put the blame on the person committing trespass, rather than herself for existing

# ? Jan 2, 2022 21:16

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Machai posted:

800-273-8255

That was over ten years ago, buddy, in a way better place now.

Midnight Voyager fucked around with this message at 22:16 on Jan 2, 2022

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:07

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for telling my sister it's her fault nobody likes her husband?

quote:

I'm asking you please to engage in cultural relativity here. You don't have to like our practices, just temporarily accept them to understand this post.

We are from a culture where its customary that a dowry is paid when a woman is married - this a customary marriage (CM) and what one must do in order to start a life.The CM serves many purposes: it shows you that a man is serious about you: he'll have worked to save and declare his commitment to you and your family; it joins your family to his; its the right way to marry a woman; it honours a womans parents, family and community, and it let's the ancestors know you're leaving the home.The CM is one of the core principles of our society: we're a family oriented people and that's how families are forged.

Now my sister decided to marry a yt man who's not from our culture. He refused to marry her customarily because it was "demeaning", "barbaric" and "backwards".everyone advised her not to marry a man who viewed her that way but she stuck to him and had a European marriage ceremony. Our parents weren't supportive but they did attend the church ceremony.

This is already a huge faux pas in our culture. To add insult to injury, her husband is consistently rude and disrespectful to our culture. They live together in our home country.

He comes into my parents home and refers to them by their first names. This is not done with anyone older than you, especially not your in laws. My parents try to look beyond the absence of a customary marriage and treat him like their SiL anyway, but he throws it back in their face each time. The other men who've married into the family have get togethers and days out: he was invited once then never again. I recently had a baby and my parents slaughtered a cow to host a fast, something that wasn't done when my sister had hers. My mums also moved in temporarily to help me as a first time mum while she only daily visited my sister.

She came crying about preferential treatment and everyone's mean to them. I have a new born: I'm tired and I'm not in the mood. I said It's her fault she's treated the way she is. She chose to abandon her culture to appease a man who thinks shes beneath him. She then never taught him the culturally appropriate way to behave or conduct himself and he's consistently disrespectful. He has an energy about him that reminiscent of colonial settlers and, duh, none of us like it. The cow that was slaughtered was one that my husband gave as part of my marriage agreement: her husband never did that so there's no cow to kill. She chose to carve her own path and turn her back on our ways - nobody forced her to stick to our customs, so she can't force us to stick to our end of the deal. She wants to nice parts of our culture without going through the proper channels: she wants to have her cake and eat it. I told her she was in a mess of her own making. She could either rectify it or learn to live with it. Aita?

Tldr: pointed out sister hypocrisy

I like this one a lot; it's close to being an absolutely valid conflict on both sides. If the husband had stuck to the "not paying dowry" part and then been scrupulously in-culture polite to the in-laws, given a lot of gifts, and in general treated the country he was living in with respect, it would be culture-shock NAH.

Instead, he's an rear end in a top hat about everything including the wedding, and the family are rightly tired of putting up with the rear end in a top hat their daughter married. Younger sister is snooty, but given that the whole family's being insulted, it's reasonable. However, the missing missing reason is that "customary marriage" involves a whopping set of payments given to the parents. It's not just "here are a few thousand, glad to be here." lobolo is fascinating to read about. And, wow, expensive and likely to delay/prevent marriage.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:19

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my sister it's her fault nobody likes her husband?

I like this one a lot; it's close to being an absolutely valid conflict on both sides. If the husband had stuck to the "not paying dowry" part and then been scrupulously in-culture polite to the in-laws, given a lot of gifts, and in general treated the country he was living in with respect, it would be culture-shock NAH.

Instead, he's an rear end in a top hat about everything including the wedding, and the family are rightly tired of putting up with the rear end in a top hat their daughter married. Younger sister is snooty, but given that the whole family's being insulted, it's reasonable. However, the missing missing reason is that "customary marriage" involves a whopping set of payments given to the parents. It's not just "here are a few thousand, glad to be here." lobolo is fascinating to read about. And, wow, expensive and likely to delay/prevent marriage.

Ya done did it

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:37

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

I think dowries and bride prices are a fascinating cultural difference.

I think the only one I ended up "agreeing" with (could ever see myself engaging in) was the one where the groom-to-be was asked to satisfy the custom by putting a years worth of his fiancee's earnings into an account in her name. He had plenty of money to do this and the idea was to give the bride an assurance and safeguard if things didn't work out.

I think that's basically a more functional version of the idea behind engagement rings. Not something I'm going to borrow or do on my own since it's still lovely and awful but probably as least bad as any old custom could be.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:47

Verdugo: Jan 5, 2009; Lipstick Apathy

A YouTube man?

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:51

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

Hughlander posted:

AITA for refusing to force my son to apologize to my wife for "ruining" her New Years toast speech?

I missread originally and thought he was making the son apologize and my WTF level was rising higher and higher.

OP posted:

**UPDATE**

Unfortunately, I can't add to the original post / don't know how updates work here. However, a lot of people, more than I expected, have reached out to me. Today has been a busy, messy day and I just want to say: I don't know what the future for my marriage is yet, but if she does not somehow miraculously change... it's over between us. My son comes first. My wife and I had a fight about this, and I didn't get anywhere with her - it was a lot of blaming us, begging me not to break up our family, stating all that she does for us, etc. and I couldn't take much more. I know it seems impossible, but I didn't really know the woman I'm married to, but now I do.

I have had a long talk with all of my sons (Finn separately to Cody and Lucas) and they actually seemed genuinely ashamed of the part they have played in Finn's outburst, which relieved me. Doesn't excuse what they have done, but I do have hope for them.

Finn, most importantly, knows that he has 100% of my support. We had a long talk, and yes, I have failed him. I told him that I recognize it, but that I'm not going to make the same mistakes again. Today, after the many discussions, I told them I can't have Finn in this house for the foreseeable and I've taken us to my parents house - where we're going to stay while I work things out. I'm also going to look into external support groups/therapy as soon as, like many here helpfully recommended, because it's very clear now that I haven't been doing enough and that is heart breaking. I want to say thank you all for the shock to my senses - I have to admit I feel ridiculous for this post now, but it's difficult. Mary has a way of getting into my head and making me feel like I'm the crazy one, but that stops now, for Finn.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:56

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Sure, first thing this lady does is log in and seek the approval of western nerds. Totally who she seeks approval from.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:56

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Verdugo posted:

A YouTube man?

White. (Whitey)

E:

Why Tee

#FFFFFF

# ? Jan 2, 2022 22:59

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

Uncle Enzo posted:

I think dowries and bride prices are a fascinating cultural difference.

Oh yeah it's really interesting how over the world we have this vast range of practices that range from 'you pay me for this valuable asset you want to take from me', 'I pay you because you want to take this costly asset from me', 'you pay me because you are buying into my family and an extented range of obligations I will owe you', to 'you pay me because later I will pay you in a very complex set of exchanges that will build goodwill and ultimately more or less cancel out'.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:04

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

I feel very confused because to me a dowry always refered to the practice of the brides family "paying" the grooms family (but realistically it's so the bride has some assets going into the grooms family) but it seems to also refer to the bride price thing where it's the grooms family paying money to the bride?

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:18

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

Xun posted:

I feel very confused because to me a dowry always refered to the practice of the brides family "paying" the grooms family (but realistically it's so the bride has some assets going into the grooms family) but it seems to also refer to the bride price thing where it's the grooms family paying money to the bride?

The practice is gonna have as many variants as cultures have it.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:20

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Grape posted:

The practice is gonna have as many variants as cultures have it.

I'm confused about the fact that the same word is used for basically completely opposite practices

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:22

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for telling my sister it's her fault nobody likes her husband?

I like this one a lot; it's close to being an absolutely valid conflict on both sides. If the husband had stuck to the "not paying dowry" part and then been scrupulously in-culture polite to the in-laws, given a lot of gifts, and in general treated the country he was living in with respect, it would be culture-shock NAH.

Instead, he's an rear end in a top hat about everything including the wedding, and the family are rightly tired of putting up with the rear end in a top hat their daughter married. Younger sister is snooty, but given that the whole family's being insulted, it's reasonable. However, the missing missing reason is that "customary marriage" involves a whopping set of payments given to the parents. It's not just "here are a few thousand, glad to be here." lobolo is fascinating to read about. And, wow, expensive and likely to delay/prevent marriage.

It's not close because someone is intentionally trying to write a story where sexist traditions are good because it's a cultural thing and white man is colonial and bad. Look at the story as if it included some real rear end backward poo poo that we're culturally familiar with, like a mormon household or something and it's of course a lady OP defending the practices to add that sprinkle of authenticity.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:31

Zeeman: May 8, 2007; Say WHAT?! You KNOW that post is wack, homie!

Xun posted:

I'm confused about the fact that the same word is used for basically completely opposite practices

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:32

PHIZ KALIFA: Dec 21, 2011; #mood

Xun posted:

I'm confused about the fact that the same word is used for basically completely opposite practices

This is the basis for Anthropology 101. There is no advanced levels, they were eliminated in a budget holocaust. But yes, it's a deeply backwards tradition which reflects the level to which old honkies have hosed up the whole world.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:44

BIG FLUFFY DOG: Feb 16, 2011; On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Xun posted:

I feel very confused because to me a dowry always refered to the practice of the brides family "paying" the grooms family (but realistically it's so the bride has some assets going into the grooms family) but it seems to also refer to the bride price thing where it's the grooms family paying money to the bride?

the woman's south african and either zulu or a similar group. the groom doesn't pay money he pays cows.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:50

Dik Hz: Feb 22, 2004; Fun with Science

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

the woman's south african and either zulu or a similar group. the groom doesn't pay money he pays cows.

That�s not a very nice thing to call the bride�s mother.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:54

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# ? May 28, 2024 20:43

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

ArbitraryC posted:

It's not close because someone is intentionally trying to write a story where sexist traditions are good because it's a cultural thing and white man is colonial and bad. Look at the story as if it included some real rear end backward poo poo that we're culturally familiar with, like a mormon household or something and it's of course a lady OP defending the practices to add that sprinkle of authenticity.

There's a lot of na�vet� to this post, but especially the acting like a woman would never write that, or ever (rightly or wrongly) stan for outdated traditions part.

Well that and the assuming that the post-colonial and racial edge doesn't color it differently than say Utah, or thinking there's no way a British man abroad could be a snide condescending rear end in a top hat.

I'd also say there's way less sexism to this then the FLDS polygamy example you immediately reached for. Like, magnitudes magnitudes less.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:08

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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