Weird News Headlines: The male is in the czech

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Evilreaver: Feb 26, 2007; GEORGE IS GETTIN' AUGMENTED!; Dinosaur Gum

Scarodactyl posted:

This post is bad and you should feel bad.

To be 100% clear, I am voicing my distrust of the public (who suck), not vaccine science (which is cool and good)

# ? Dec 29, 2021 07:43

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# ? May 24, 2024 12:42

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Irish tourist allegedly broke into Romania's Palace of Parliament thinking it was hotel

quote:

AN Irish tourist has been arrested in Bucharest for allegedly breaking into the Palace of the Parliament � after drunkenly mistaking the building for his hotel.
Romania's Palace of the Parliament is the world's third-largest government building, behind only the Pentagon and Thailand's seat of government.

The Communist-built behemoth, also called the People's House, has over 1,000 rooms and took 700 architects over 13 years to build, but for an unnamed Irish tourist, searching for his bed after several drinks too many, the landmark looked pretty much just like the hotel he was staying at. So much so, in fact, that he smashed his way in, determined to get back to his room and sleep off the mother of all benders.

According to the Romanian network Digi24, the man scaled the parliament walls, broke a window, and climbed in on Monday morning, around 4 AM local time.He then staggered around the building, trying different office doors, until his luck finally ran out as baffled police officers discovered him.

lol

# ? Dec 29, 2021 13:01

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

https://twitter.com/fromarsetoelbow/status/1473960843230519306?s=21

# ? Dec 29, 2021 14:26

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Lady Disdain posted:

I already watched that show, and it was Svalbard, not Siberia. Wasps. That came out of a mammoth. And made people vomit inside other people.

what was the show

# ? Dec 29, 2021 14:35

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

https://twitter.com/MentalHeadline/status/1476154530094063617

# ? Dec 29, 2021 15:58

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Does the Daily Mail have actual articles or just long headlines?

# ? Dec 29, 2021 16:17

Amphigory: Feb 6, 2005

Milo and POTUS posted:

what was the show

It was on Sky in the UK. Can't believe I'm spoilering it, but in case anyone is working through it (because the twists kinda come out of left field):

Fortitude

# ? Dec 29, 2021 21:45

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

Yeah, I should've spoilered my spoilers. Sorry.

# ? Dec 29, 2021 23:35

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Low hanging fruit, I know, but come on now:

# ? Jan 1, 2022 07:35

Tei: Feb 19, 2011

https://www.cnbc.com/2021/12/31/santander-accidentally-put-millions-into-random-accounts-on-christmas-day.html

Unfortunally shops where closed because it was holyday

# ? Jan 1, 2022 18:35

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

Sir Lemming posted:

Low hanging fruit, I know, but come on now:

I just bet Betty would have thought this was loving hilarious.

# ? Jan 1, 2022 20:45

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

More like Betty Wight

# ? Jan 1, 2022 20:47

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

I didn't understand where the funny was, so I googled her

Has that actually gone to print ?

# ? Jan 2, 2022 00:47

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

It's worth a fortune now

# ? Jan 2, 2022 00:51

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Lady Disdain posted:

I didn't understand where the funny was, so I googled her

Has that actually gone to print ?

For reasons we honestly don't know, my wife has been getting these in the mail for a few months. So I saw it in the flesh a few days ago. (We might've already thrown it out though)

# ? Jan 2, 2022 01:12

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

Sir Lemming posted:

For reasons we honestly don't know, my wife has been getting these in the mail for a few months. So I saw it in the flesh a few days ago. (We might've already thrown it out though)

Blimey.

# ? Jan 2, 2022 04:53

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

quote:

What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?

Last week was about orifices; now it�s time for the dangly bits. Here�s how America mangled, flayed, pummeled, insulted, thrashed, trounced, and otherwise destroyed its franks and/or beans.

All descriptions are taken verbatim from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission�s database of emergency room visits:

PUT PADLOCK ON PENIS WITH NO KEY AND UNABLE TO REMOVE IT. LOCK REMOVED BY LOCKSMITH.

WAS IN A BALL PIT WHEN HIS BROTHER JUMPED IN AND LANDED ON TOP OF HIS PENIS

WAS MOVING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND FELL DOWN A FLIGHT OF TEN STEPS STRADDLING THE POST OF THE BANNISTER

CLASSMATE PUT A ZIP TIE AROUND THE BASE OF HIS PENIS

PUT A SHOWER CURTAIN RING ON HIS PENIS AND NOW CANT GET IT OFF

STATES HE HAS BEEN MASTURBATING AT LEAST DAILY DURING COVID PANDEMIC BC THIS IS THE ONLY WAY HE IS ABLE TO RELIEVE STRESS STATES HE USED A HAND JOB SEX TOY AND HAS SINCE BEEN HAVING PENILE PAIN AS WELL AS INTERMITTENT DULL ACHE IN TESTICLES

BOTTLE OF HAND SANITIZER IN HIS PANTS POCKET BURST AND GOT ONTO PENIS THEN DROPPED LIT CIGARETTE ON PENIS WHILE SITTING ON TOILET

TRIED TO CUT PENIS OFF WITH TRAUMA SHEARS IN HIS SLEEP

DRILLING WOOD WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED THE DRILL ONTO HIS GROIN

HAD INTERCOURSE WITH WIFE HAD RUBBER BAND ON BASE OF PENIS TOOK OFF TO ORGASM AND NOTICED BRUISING THEN WENT SNOWMOBILING

WASHED HIS GENITALS WITH INDUSTRIAL LAUNDRY DETERGENT

WAS MOVING THINGS AROUND HIS LIVING ROOM WHEN HE FELL, KNOCKING A GLASS VASE ON THE GROUND WHICH SHATTERED, THEN FELL ONTO THE SHARDS SUSTAINING LACERATIONS TO PENIS

WAS RIDING A ROLLER COASTER ON VACATION AND THE SAFETY BAR WAS NOT LOCKED COMPLETELY, HE MOVED AROUND DURING THE RIDE AND HIT HIS TESTICLES MULTIPLE TIMES.

CRASHED BIKE, BIKE IS MISSING THE SEAT AND HAS ONLY THE METAL BAR, FELL ONTO THE METAL BAR DURING CRASH; DX CONTUSION PENIS

USING MEASURING TAPE AND PENIS WAS CAUGHT BY TAPE

WAS BOILING HOT WATER AND ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON HIS DOG�S FOOT AND THE DOG YELPED AND STARTLED HIM CAUSING HIM TO TIP THE WATER OVER. BURN TO PENIS

SWUNG HIS HEAVY BACKPACK FROM HIS SHOULDER AND IT HIT HIS TESTICLES

PLAYING WITH A PLASTIC FIRE TRUCK AND GOT PENIS CAUGHT IN THE LADDER

WAS NAKED GETTING ITEMS OUT OF HIS CLOSET AND A GLASS FIGURINE FELL ONTO HIS TESTICLES

PENIS HAS BEEN STUCK IN HARD PLASTIC BOTTLE WITH NARROW OPENING FOR PAST 3 DAYS. DOES NOT RECALL HOW HE GOT HIS PENIS STUCK IN BOTTLE.

PENIS PAIN DUE TO PLACING CAR JUMPER CABLES ON PENIS

WAS HELPING HIS FRIEND MOVE SOME STUFF IN THE DARK SO HAD TO USE FLASHLIGHTS. WHEN ONE OF THE FLASHLIGHTS WOULD NOT GO OUT, HE TRIED TO TAKE THE BATTERY OUT WHEN BATTERY ACID GOT ON HIS PENIS.

CARRIES A CARTRIDGE OF PEPPER SPRAY ON HIS KEYRING AND IT OPENED UP WHILE IT WAS IN HIS PANTS POCKET AND IT GOT ONTO SCROTUM AND PENIS

PUT A RUBBER BAND AROUND HIS PENIS DURING SEX AND FORGOT TO TAKE IT OFF AND WENT TO SLEEP WITH IT ON

WHILE PLAYING BASKETBALL HE HIT HIS OWN TESTICLES

WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM WITH HIS HOVERBOARD UNDERNEATH HIM WHEN THE HOVERBOARD STARTED AND DRAGGED HIM ON THE FLOOR ON HIS BELLY. NOW WITH BLOOD COMING OUT OF THE BASE OF HIS PENIS, AS WELL AS BLOOD COMING OUT OF THE TOP OF HIS PENIS.

https://defector.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-2/

I would blow Dane Cook has a new favorite as of 12:24 on Jan 2, 2022

# ? Jan 2, 2022 10:04

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Captain Hygiene posted:

Welp,

I'm pretty sure some old strains of anthrax have already thawed. Fortunately, naturally occurring anthrax spores don't go airborne anywhere nearly as severely as weaponized spores

# ? Jan 2, 2022 10:33

Eighties ZomCom: Sep 10, 2008

Not sure if this is the right thread but :effort:

# ? Jan 2, 2022 14:21

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

quote:
BOTTLE OF HAND SANITIZER IN HIS PANTS POCKET BURST AND GOT ONTO PENIS THEN DROPPED LIT CIGARETTE ON PENIS WHILE SITTING ON TOILET

Oh, Mr Bean :allears:

# ? Jan 2, 2022 17:34

Scarodactyl: Oct 22, 2015

Even Ivanka thinks that his mind is gone

# ? Jan 2, 2022 20:30

PhantomOfTheCopier: Aug 13, 2008; Pikabooze!

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://defector.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-2/

1. People should wear clothes.

2. Weird: Percentage of people doing other things while sitting on toilets. "I was distracted by my cell phone!"

# ? Jan 2, 2022 23:45

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Scarodactyl posted:

🎶 Even Ivanka thinks that his mind is gone 🎶

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:51

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Donald Junior hunts the lions and Eric cows... fool
And he's been rantin' and ravin' so long that
Even Ivanka thinks that his mind is gone

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:23

StillFullyTerrible: Feb 16, 2020; you should have left Let's Play open for public view, Lowtax

PhantomOfTheCopier posted:

1. People should wear clothes.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:35

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

PhantomOfTheCopier posted:

1. People should wear clothes.

2. Weird: Percentage of people doing other things while sitting on toilets. "I was distracted by my cell phone!"

Is this another goon who thinks it's weird that everyone uses their phone on the toilet

# ? Jan 3, 2022 13:24

PhantomOfTheCopier: Aug 13, 2008; Pikabooze!

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Is this another goon who thinks it's weird that everyone uses their phone on the toilet

while smoking and "attached" to a hoverboard and...

# ? Jan 3, 2022 18:26

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

# ? Jan 5, 2022 03:05

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

How? Why? What?

# ? Jan 5, 2022 03:20

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Zil posted:

How? Why? What?

Just like the headline says. It's bathwater girl 2.0.

She's going to invest her fart money in crypto instead of moving direct to Onlyfans.

# ? Jan 5, 2022 05:51

freeedr: Feb 21, 2005

Zil posted:

How? Why?

Because of the heart attack scare. Please read before you ask these things

# ? Jan 5, 2022 19:38

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Let he who has not farted so hard they thought their heart stopped cast the first stone

# ? Jan 5, 2022 19:41

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

https://twitter.com/budrykzack/status/1478579528947707904?s=21

https://twitter.com/lordmanley/status/1478476874439397381?s=21

Yngwie Mangosteen has a new favorite as of 23:25 on Jan 5, 2022

# ? Jan 5, 2022 23:23

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Captain Monkey posted:

https://twitter.com/lordmanley/status/1478476874439397381?s=21

I agree, "Bite Me on The Dick Clark Rockin New Years Eve 2022 Show" is a really wordy title for a song.

# ? Jan 6, 2022 00:56

madeintaipei: Jul 13, 2012

Knormal posted:

I agree, "Bite Me on The Dick Clark Rockin New Years Eve 2022 Show" is a really wordy title for a song.

Would you call it a mouthfull?

# ? Jan 6, 2022 02:22

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

I'd actually respect Avril Lavigne more if she had a song called Bite Me on the Dick.

# ? Jan 6, 2022 03:02

GWBBQ: Jan 2, 2005

Inceltown posted:

Just like the headline says. It's bathwater girl 2.0.

She's going to invest her fart money in crypto instead of moving direct to Onlyfans.

Was the thing I read earlier today about her selling fart NFTs real or a joke?

I know this is a weird question, but reality is getting harder to distinguish from fiction and nothing involving cryptocurrency was ever rooted in reality.

# ? Jan 6, 2022 03:18

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

GWBBQ posted:

Was the thing I read earlier today about her selling fart NFTs real or a joke?

I know this is a weird question, but reality is getting harder to distinguish from fiction and nothing involving cryptocurrency was ever rooted in reality.

Fart NFT's are a joke (I think, who knows). The investing her fart jar money in crypto could be a joke too but the sort of person buying Hot Chick Farts is probably going to appreciate the shout out to crypto and thus help her brand.

# ? Jan 6, 2022 03:38

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Instead of asking whether it's real, ask whether it's grift. The answer is always yes.

# ? Jan 6, 2022 03:44

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# ? May 24, 2024 12:42

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

It gets better, it wasn't a heart attack, it was just a result of working too hard on the fart jars.

https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/reality-star-stephanie-matto-selling-farts-in-jar-hospital-severe-gas

quote:

Prior to this development, Matto�whose recent projects include the launching of the Unfiltrd platform and the rollout of the Fart Jars NFT experience�made frequent headlines due to the popularity of the aforementioned flatulence when presented in a jarred format. Previously, for example, Matto claimed to have made nearly $50,000 in jar sales in a single week.

In comments shared with In Touch Weekly, Matto said the hospital scare was comprised of �a nasty two days� during which she was temporarily convinced a heart attack was imminent.

�It was just a nasty two days that I felt AWFUL, but thankfully, it was not a heart attack,� Matto, who said she�s now feeling �so much better� after the incident, told the tabloid publication on Tuesday. �Just a very, very severe case of gas that made me feel like I was dying and having a heart attack.�

# ? Jan 6, 2022 04:41

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