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Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.
https://twitter.com/Papapishu/status/1479248425036267520?s=20

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ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/the_ironsheik/status/1479274228742508552

https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1478809693514436612

https://twitter.com/faera_lane/status/1478490781086277635

https://twitter.com/Neo_url/status/1478471347445682190

https://twitter.com/ZackBornstein/status/1479151482867912705

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Mak0rz posted:

Maybe it's because I'm Canadian and their content hits different but yeah I consistently laugh at pretty much anything The Beaverton posts.

Contrast with The Onion, who often has pretty great headlines but I can't remember the last time they posted a good article. On numerous occasions I've clicked them to find that the article has no body text whatsoever. It's just a headline. Come on guys!

ClickHole though is top tier stuff, albeit not technically satire
https://twitter.com/RobertGReeve/status/1475896626342502406

Perfect example from yesterday, a Beaverton article that starts out with a good headline and then manages to have a body with some good jokes as well.

quote:

“Not having kids is selfish” says man who lives alone in golden palace

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has described people’s decisions to have pets instead of children as “selfish”, during a recent general audience in the opulent cathedral-like palace of which he is the sovereign ruler.

“Today we see a form of selfishness. We see that some people do not want to have a child,” he told the audience from inside his own personal city state with holdings valued at anywhere from $10 to $15 billion. His Holiness continued to criticize the childless couples of the world from behind his bejeweled golden pulpit, flanked by armed security guards.

“Sometimes they have one, and that’s it, but they have dogs and cats that take the place of children,” added the elderly man who has no children, but who does control multi-billion dollar investments in banking, insurance, chemicals, steel, construction, and real estate.

“This may make people laugh, but it is a reality,” added God’s chosen representative on Earth who is rarely known for laughing, but is consistently known for appreciating the Vatican’s priceless art collection.

The Supreme Pontiff directed his remarks on the selfishness of childlessness to the 1.3 billion Catholics worldwide, many of whom live in the most impoverished parts of the globe.

“(Not having children) is a denial of fatherhood and motherhood and diminishes us, takes away our humanity”, added the unfathomably wealthy cleric who is regularly chauffeured in a custom-built bulletproof car.

Reached for comment, many Catholics around the world reacted to the Bishop of Rome’s harsh words. “It would be difficult to afford children on just my salary,” said Rachel Smithward of Kamloops, BC, “but when I asked the Vatican to send me a small amount of the gold that Pope Francis sleeps on, I never heard back.”

Jack Marley of Dublin responded, “Ah yes, that’s what us Catholics are mainly known for: not having enough kids.”

Later, il Pontifex maximus was reportedly spotted preparing a sermon about the importance of charity from his blood diamond encrusted writing desk.

At press time Vatican representatives expressed confidence that the world’s number one authority on the ethical treatment of children remains the Catholic Church.

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2022/01/not-having-kids-is-selfish-says-man-who-lives-alone-in-golden-palace/

Morpheus
Apr 18, 2008

My favourite little monsters

Man, I gotta say this whole thing sucks but yeah, if it had come a couple decades earlier, things would've been so much more devastating.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Hyrax Attack! posted:

Wish the onion had kept their video production team. Lake Dredge Appraisal, Sex House, and Today Now were wonderful in a I Think You Should Leave way. Now they keep getting sold as a company so much they can’t even include images with older articles anymore.

Have you seen their TikTok channel? There's some really good stuff there.

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008
Am I 🧑‍🏫 out of touch🤔? No🧐, it's the children👶 who are wrong🤷🏼‍♂️
Marine jetpacks aside, now have the technology we needed so we can get that gritty reboot of Starship Troopers we all want and need.

sephiRoth IRA
Jun 13, 2007

"Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality."

-Carl Sagan

Morpheus posted:

Man, I gotta say this whole thing sucks but yeah, if it had come a couple decades earlier, things would've been so much more devastating.

Eh, in that sense sure, but Wakefields study didn't come out until 1998 so it's possible everyone would get mandatory vaccines and like it

Rainbow Knight
Apr 19, 2006

We die.
We pray.
To live.
We serve

they're going to put all this money and effort into jet packs and then someone's going to roll a loving wooden turtle ship out of a Korean museum and that will be the end of jetpacks in the military. people will just start using those little spikes that gas stations use to keep birds from making nests under their roofs and it will confound the US military until they go cross eyed and fall over dead.



it will be like how rain defeats the F-23

wash bucket
Feb 21, 2006

Rainbow Knight posted:

they're going to put all this money and effort into jet packs and then someone's going to roll a loving wooden turtle ship out of a Korean museum and that will be the end of jetpacks in the military. people will just start using those little spikes that gas stations use to keep birds from making nests under their roofs and it will confound the US military until they go cross eyed and fall over dead.



it will be like how rain defeats the F-23

I feel bad for the sailors that had to gently caress with the sails and rigging on rough seas with that poo poo underneath them.

Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008

😎🐗🚬


:lol: at this I found in the replies
https://twitter.com/whatatimepod/status/1144327113270542336

zoux
Apr 28, 2006

So, y'all been wordling at all

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


https://twitter.com/RaxKingIsDead/status/1479454359796822021

https://twitter.com/SlimJosa/status/1477145405901230083

https://twitter.com/signingmango/status/1472599702201843712

https://twitter.com/Saberspark/status/1478546755704836097

Mr. Lobe
Feb 23, 2007

... Dry bones...


Why us that bird tweeting the Mercedes Benz logo

bawk
Mar 31, 2013

zoux posted:

So, y'all been wordling at all

I didn't give a poo poo at all about wordle tweets until I tried it out for the first time to figure out what it is, and now that I understand what it all means the wordle tweets make me irrationally angry.

projecthalaxy
Dec 27, 2008

Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son


Mr. Lobe posted:

Why us that bird tweeting the Mercedes Benz logo

It got a sponcon deal

Read After Burning
Feb 19, 2013

"All this, for me? 💃Ah, you didn't have to! 🥰"
https://twitter.com/MsRebeccaBlack/status/1479199750050119680

Lone Goat
Apr 16, 2003

When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.




thecluckmeme posted:

I didn't give a poo poo at all about wordle tweets until I tried it out for the first time to figure out what it is, and now that I understand what it all means the wordle tweets make me irrationally angry.

Wordle is real good and I'm glad for the Wordle tweets because they remind me to play that day's Wordle. Sorry you suck at Wordle, and anger management.

Wordle

zoux
Apr 28, 2006

Yeah I just wish I could go back and play the archive. The dude who made it said he specifically only wanted one a day because he didn't want it to become dull, but I want more!!!

Seaniqua
Mar 12, 2004

"We'll see how the first year goes. But people better get us now, because we're going to keep getting better and better."
I really enjoy Wordle but I do not forgive its creator for not letting me play old puzzles

e:f,b

DontMockMySmock
Aug 9, 2008

I got this title for the dumbest fucking possible take on sea shanties. Specifically, I derailed the meme thread because sailors in the 18th century weren't woke enough for me, and you shouldn't sing sea shanties. In fact, don't have any fun ever.
Gonna recommend y'all find a copy of Bookworm Adventures 1 and 2, from the old heyday of PopCap; one of the minigames is exactly the same game as Wordle. Also the main game is cool and good.

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012

Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out
I loving love Wordle but would never Tweet about it.

Dungeon Ecology
Feb 9, 2011


reminds me of one of my all time favs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgXObaM9i2Q

wash bucket
Feb 21, 2006

https://twitter.com/WeirdSatellite/status/1479495852595060736?s=20

bawk
Mar 31, 2013

Lone Goat posted:

Wordle is real good and I'm glad for the Wordle tweets because they remind me to play that day's Wordle. Sorry you suck at Wordle, and anger management.

Wordle

I don't get angry because I'm bad at it, I just see people's patterns of letters used and wonder what the hell they guessed to get certain letters. I think it was Justin McElroy posted one earlier where he got it in 6 but his fifth guess was all yellow and I just :psyduck:

Memento
Aug 25, 2009


Bleak Gremlin

we're just working on our return of Serb

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


oh, it's a game? on your phone? but for adults?

Nottherealaborn
Nov 12, 2012

Doc Hawkins posted:

oh, it's a game? on your phone? but for adults?

A game for adults? Frankly, I find the idea offensive!

Zulily Zoetrope
Jun 1, 2011

Muldoon
oh I get ads for those when I browse websites peddling legitimate products while in private mode

seem rather cheaply made honestly

Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008

😎🐗🚬

thecluckmeme posted:

I don't get angry because I'm bad at it, I just see people's patterns of letters used and wonder what the hell they guessed to get certain letters. I think it was Justin McElroy posted one earlier where he got it in 6 but his fifth guess was all yellow and I just :psyduck:

Here's one I got this morning. Get on my level :smug:



It was a complete accident. No skill was involved here.

Mr. Lobe posted:

I wish clickhole would have kept their video production team

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIWF7l4Fisw

Jezza of OZPOS
Mar 21, 2018

GET LOSE❌🗺️, YOUS CAN'T COMPARE😤 WITH ME 💪POWERS🇦🇺

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

oh I get ads for those when I browse websites peddling legitimate products while in private mode

seem rather cheaply made honestly

It says not to cum but the aim seems to be to cum as quickly as possible. Piss poor messaging imo.

Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008

😎🐗🚬

https://twitter.com/galgracen/status/1479568620501934080

bawk
Mar 31, 2013

Mak0rz posted:

Here's one I got this morning. Get on my level :smug:



It was a complete accident. No skill was involved here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIWF7l4Fisw

Lamps?

Mak0rz
Aug 2, 2008

😎🐗🚬


CRABS
STUMP
SLUMP

bawk
Mar 31, 2013

Mak0rz posted:

CRABS
STUMP
SLUMP


poo poo, I forgot it was slump because that other tweet I read earlier guessed Lumps and got all yellow squares.

AcidCat
Feb 10, 2005

DontMockMySmock posted:

Gonna recommend y'all find a copy of Bookworm Adventures 1 and 2, from the old heyday of PopCap; one of the minigames is exactly the same game as Wordle. Also the main game is cool and good.

Bookworm Adventures was legit.

rodbeard
Jul 21, 2005

Mak0rz posted:

Here's one I got this morning. Get on my level :smug:



It was a complete accident. No skill was involved here.


Wordle 202 3/6

⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜
🟩🟨⬜⬜🟨
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Never heard of this game before today but I guess I already am on your level.

Memento
Aug 25, 2009


Bleak Gremlin
What's y'all's opening word? I like TEARS to check some of the most common letters, you normally get one or two yellows.

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.

Memento posted:

What's y'all's opening word? I like TEARS to check some of the most common letters, you normally get one or two yellows.

I like to open with BONER

stringless
Dec 28, 2005

keyboard ⌨️​ :clint: cowboy

I started with WORLD because I didn't quite understand that the prompt was not an example lmao

Managed to get today's in 6 tho

probably going to go with STERN as a starter going forward

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lament.cfg
Dec 28, 2006

we have such posts
to show you




PENIS

or AISLE since it hits 3 vowels and S

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