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Having resurrected the Elderfart from his eons long slumber, the minders try to bring him up to speed on the advances of human culture. They take him to a performance of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. He sleeps through half of it and then wakes up and says "it was AWFUL... what else do you fools have to show me". |
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Jan 9, 2022 14:08
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| # ? May 11, 2024 16:19 |
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I am running through a dense woods, scrambling over fallen logs, breathing heavily, looking back over my shoulder. I catch my breath briefly before pushing forward, trying not to step on branches or dry leaves to announce my presence. 50 yards behind me, the Olson twins, their faces locked in a rictus, tight-lipped grin, hunt and peck through the brambles and bushes, using all seven of their senses to locate me, checking occasionally between themselves by locking gazes to keep the net spread wide as they close around me. My adrenaline is running low, my stamina short. I duck behind a tight knit copse of saplings, doing all I can to not make a sound as Mary Kate crashes through the undergrowth to my left. She stops and raises her head, still grinning that damned toothless smirk, twisting her neck this way and that, seeking my scent, my fear. I turn to duck down out of sight, and pivot directly into the steady gaze of Ashley, less than a meter away. She has cocked her head sideways, curious about my predicament, with the same crazed grin as her sibling. I am torn between utter terror and frustration - “You’d be a lot prettier if you smiled,” I mutter hopelessly, resigned to my fate. She straightens her head, eyes firmly locked on mine, and slowly and deliberately unhinges her jaw. Four concentric rows of teeth, like a lamprey, appear before me, and the sound that utters forth is no roar or hiss, but the unmistakable laugh track of a studio audience. Mary Kate has now slithered up behind and mimics the actions of her twin, and the echo of laughter doubles throughout the forest. As the first bits of flesh are torn from me, my screams are drowned out by the new audio effect of the audience hooting and hollering, emitting from Ashley’s gaping maw, as if Uncle Joey himself had just delivered a wondrous zinger. The sacrifice has been made. Filming on the show Fullest House begins on Thursday. |
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Jan 9, 2022 15:54
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That was amazing but thisAbugadu posted:the sound that utters forth is no roar or hiss, but the unmistakable laugh track of a studio audience. is loving brilliant lol
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Jan 9, 2022 16:03
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Not Work Safe National Weather Service Not sure what this consists of, but don't look at it at work. |
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Jan 9, 2022 18:06
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The Ambassador from Stupid Town. |
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Jan 9, 2022 18:34
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Abugadu posted:You speak of… the Elderfart? He who predated our fartfathers. |
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Jan 9, 2022 18:42
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"How fares my lawn?" asks the Elderfart. "Is it safe? Have the young'uns kept off of it?" The cultists tremble in their sandals and argyle socks. |
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Jan 9, 2022 20:04
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Rube Goldberg Sherlock Holmes that arrives at the correct suspect, method, and motive through a convoluted series of deductions using incorrect, irrelevant, wildly guessed, and sometimes downright ignorant premises. |
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Jan 9, 2022 20:23
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Bright Bart posted:Rube Goldberg Sherlock Holmes that arrives at the correct suspect, method, and motive through a convoluted series of deductions using incorrect, irrelevant, wildly guessed, and sometimes downright ignorant premises. That sounds a lot like Dirk Gently. |
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Jan 9, 2022 20:26
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Bright Bart posted:Rube Goldberg Sherlock Holmes that arrives at the correct suspect, method, and motive through a convoluted series of deductions using incorrect, irrelevant, wildly guessed, and sometimes downright ignorant premises. yea the trick is if u use bad logic off a bad premise u end up with a good deduction. logos professors dont want u to know
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Jan 9, 2022 20:27
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Rappers going in hard on having or wanting that which is not normally considered a status symbol in hip hop: Their longing for a big tiddy goth gf or brags about their season passes to various amusement parks. Everyone gets court side seats to the Lakers. Anyone else skip the lines at Disney World? |
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Jan 9, 2022 23:01
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A hide and seek app called GoFindMe where you post clues about your location and people look for you. |
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Jan 10, 2022 10:01
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Having way less luck with ice fly fishing then regular ice fishing, just repeatedly casting out on top of a frozen river for hours.
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Jan 10, 2022 13:21
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Finger Prince posted:A hide and seek app called GoFindMe where you post clues about your location and people look for you. lol
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Jan 10, 2022 14:58
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Finishing dinner with a slightly sinister elderly gentleman he shows you "the way out". He opens the door to a solitary darkened room with a stool and a noose and turns his head to you as a dramatic sting plays. "Oh wait, sorry wrong door" he says opening the front door. "Well it was nice having you over, we should do this against some time". |
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Jan 10, 2022 17:11
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Bright Bart posted:Rappers going in hard on having or wanting that which is not normally considered a status symbol in hip hop: Their longing for a big tiddy goth gf or brags about their season passes to various amusement parks. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe3c2XGnJw4 Josip On Deck - Anime Pu$$y ft. Killa Karisma (Music Video) |
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Jan 10, 2022 17:26
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StackExchange/Quora/Yahoo Answers/etc posts from alternate universes Of course, to properly capture the milieu of those places, most of the questions and answers have to be completely useless pre:My brother is a slob and keeps leaving his toenail clippings out. I've got a bunch of them now; how do I curse him to be less of a slob? > I think you meant to post this to r/AmITheWickedWitch > Are you sure those are his? You don't want to curse someone else by mistake. How does the speed of light in luminiferous æther vary with the ambient temperature? > Don't post homework questions here. [LOCKED] My exoskeleton is turning red. Should I be worried? > SEE A DOCTOR. You'll get better answers from your doctor than some randos on the internet. > It's fine, my cousin's exoskeleton turned red once and it went away after his next moult. > This started happening to me ever since I started the all-tuber diet. I'm sure it's a sign of good health! |
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Jan 10, 2022 23:28
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New names for dogs that are in the vein of 'King' and 'Sargeant' and 'Senator' but less pretentious. 'Comptroller' "Teamlead' 'Corporal' 'Envoy' 'Baronet' |
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Jan 11, 2022 01:34
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Bright Bart posted:New names for dogs that are in the vein of 'King' and 'Sargeant' and 'Senator' but less pretentious. acting director temp civilian contractor |
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Jan 11, 2022 02:20
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"Here little alderman!" |
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Jan 11, 2022 02:23
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Assistant or Deputy [insert title here] or even Deputy Assistant [insert title here] |
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Jan 11, 2022 02:33
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Naming your dog Deputy to make him immune to the police |
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Jan 11, 2022 03:27
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Tax Authority? |
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Jan 11, 2022 08:43
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Bright Bart posted:New names for dogs that are in the vein of 'King' and 'Sargeant' and 'Senator' but less pretentious. I've seen the title in the movie credits. "Best Boy"
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Jan 11, 2022 13:51
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A dachshund or corgi named Undersecretary. |
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Jan 11, 2022 15:05
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ironically, Fire Alarm Response Coordinator is absolutely useless during an actual fire alarm, just running around in circles and yapping at the empty air
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Jan 11, 2022 16:41
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Lord of the Rings with no physical discomfort. |
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Jan 11, 2022 17:06
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gleebster posted:A dachshund or corgi named Undersecretary. 
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Jan 11, 2022 17:49
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gleebster posted:A dachshund or corgi named Undersecretary. a racing dog named Undersecretariat
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Jan 11, 2022 18:16
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a nobleman announcing arrivals to the royal ball, but introduces his child as "My Disappointing Son"
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Jan 11, 2022 18:27
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Finger Prince posted:A hide and seek app called GoFindMe where you post clues about your location and people look for you.
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Jan 11, 2022 18:30
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Finger Prince posted:A hide and seek app called GoFindMe where you post clues about your location and people look for you. Advanced Geocaching crimes |
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Jan 11, 2022 21:01
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Geocatch me if you can |
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Jan 11, 2022 22:09
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deep dish peat moss posted:Geocatch me if you can
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Jan 12, 2022 01:26
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sorry, I'm not much of a Geodude |
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Jan 12, 2022 17:52
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gormless goblin posted:sorry, I'm not much of a Geodude 
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Jan 12, 2022 18:01
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Dip Viscous posted:Not Work Safe National Weather Service  https://i.imgur.com/MRELgGY.mp4     
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Jan 12, 2022 21:35
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24/7 |
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Jan 12, 2022 22:05
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got a huge nut of a storm here
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Jan 13, 2022 00:27
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| # ? May 11, 2024 16:19 |
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Veggie alternative food names: Scalmon Beif, or Bief? FSH (Formed Seitan Halva) Fillets |
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Jan 14, 2022 01:23
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