(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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No. 6 posted:Is it normal for therapists to cry when discussing difficult things? I've experienced it a few times with different therapists and I never quite know what to make of it. I don't know if it's "normal" but I think it's a good sign that they are emoting, understanding and feeling whatever you're saying. There's a word "countertransference" that refers to a therapist's reactions and feelings toward clients in therapy. Not necessarily good or bad, just a thing that happens. Something to google if you want. Personally I would find it a little awkward. Usually if someone is crying I would want to comfort them, but this is a situation where they're supposed to be helping you. So, I dunno. I guess if you have any feelings about them crying you could talk about it.
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Jan 2, 2022 20:01
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I'd prefer it over the blank, horrified stare I sometimes get from them
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Jan 2, 2022 20:41
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Explaining Communism to my Therapists - Why Do They Keep Crying? An Analysis
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Jan 3, 2022 02:38
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I made it through the holidays. I knew thanksgiving/christmas/new years was superficial bullshit at best, but at least it was an excuse to see people I hadn't seen in a while. This year, it ended up being the opposite. Immediate and extended family rented a cabin in the mountains for a week, and let me stay with them for free. It was a very nice gesture, and I feel like a whiny spoiled brat for complaining. Spending time with them meant not spending time with people I actually wanted to be around. This trip was planned far in advance, and I had agreed to go quite a while ago. I was in a different state of mind when I agreed, and I had my manic episode in the interim. I know I could have been assertive, and just backed out. My sister and mother were relying on me to get them there. I put on the snow chains. Often times, I feel anxious about doing something, even if it's something I really want to do. I usually push myself to do stuff, and hope that I'll end up having a positive experience. That just hasn't been working recently. I try to participate, have a "good attitude", and not bring people down. Going along with them and minding my own business is never enough, though. I was depressed and in a lot of physical pain. A "nice" uncle told a long-winded story about a time he used indifferent/aggressive body language to make someone he disliked uncomfortable. He learned all about body language at his highly-ranked MBA program, you see. I know my body language wasn't friendly at the moment, and it seemed that the story was directed at me. It sounded like he was implying that I was using impolite body language. He had been "nice" beforehand (I don't think much of superficial kindness), then switched to acting like I no longer existed after the story. He physically blocked me out of the conversation by putting his hand over the side of his face that was toward me, and didn't even acknowledge me when I said hi over the next few days. My depression kicked into overdrive, and I mostly just isolated during the trip after that. I know that interaction is incredibly minor in the grand scheme of things, and it's embarrassing that I had so much trouble handling it. It makes me think of those local NAMI board members who complained about their sons "overreacting" due to their bipolar disorder. This guy is a relatively successful manager who has worked at a variety of tech companies. My mom keeps telling me that he may have a job opening for me, implying that I just need to somehow prove myself to him. gently caress that. I helped his company with a move years ago. He told me I'd probably be setting up computers, or doing other light work. They gave me the jobs that no one else wanted. Scraping years of solidified soda syrup off of the ground with a tiny paint scraper, tightening all of the screws on hundreds of desks with a small allen wrench. The person I worked for kept making sarcastic comments, implying that I thought I was smarter than him because I was studying genetics. I ended up working a few 12+ hour days without breaks or lunch. I lost track of this guy after scraping all the gunk off of the floor, and asked someone where to put the paint scraper he gave me. Apparently, I was given bad advice. The scraper disappeared. The guy I worked for was livid. I bought him a new one the next morning, and my uncle made sure he was the one who handed it over to this rear end in a top hat. I was left standing there, while my uncle scored brownie points with him. Through all of this, I get the message that climbing the corporate ladder is somehow a moral act. Not putting up with this poo poo, and not having a "good attitude" are framed as immoral acts. When I draw boundaries, it's interpreted as laziness or passive-aggression. Recently, a peer from my local NAMI told me that a class I taught changed her life. I usually don't know if what I'm doing is actually useful or effective. That made me feel like I was actually making the world a slightly better place. We've been having an issue with people refusing to wear masks at the support group I facilitate. I've wanted to start a new group free from assholes and bigots, but I wasn't sure where to get a reliable venue. I think I'm just going to do it over zoom. That would mean no longer being beholden to churches, uncaring board members, and out-of-touch county mental health care bureaucrats. This group was already dysfunctional when I joined, and I received all kinds of pushback from other facilitators when I tried to improve things. With this thread's help, I've realized I don't need to put up with any of that. Take care, and 
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Jan 3, 2022 19:13
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No. 6 posted:Is it normal for therapists to cry when discussing difficult things? I've experienced it a few times with different therapists and I never quite know what to make of it. I have seen some Clinical therapists in child partial programs choke up and try their hardest to maintain focus during heavy sessions. It can happen.
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Jan 3, 2022 21:23
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I'm a therapist and i've choked up once or twice to teens describing horrific abuse. If your therapist is crying all the time it's a problem. Source: A therapist with 12 years of experience.
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Jan 3, 2022 21:35
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A screaming match ovre hoarder junk and me adopting a kitten found in freezing temperatures has resulted in a ton of tension and bad poo poo in the house eing resolved and also it is cleaner more organized and more cat.  "I am 40-50 days old and I do not need this" 
Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 23:36 on Jan 3, 2022 |
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Jan 3, 2022 23:30
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hello everyone. rough week for me. nothing specific, just falling into one of those depressive cycles. couldn't get out of bed for about half the day. going to call the doc tomorrow and ask for help instead of waiting this out.
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Jan 4, 2022 00:39
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No. 6 posted:Is it normal for therapists to cry when discussing difficult things? I've experienced it a few times with different therapists and I never quite know what to make of it. If you're noticing the crying and it's causing you to lose focus in the room (ie "I hope I don't make my therapist cry, maybe I should say things differently") then it's bad. Your sessions are about you, not them. If it's interrupting they are stealing that time from you.
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Jan 4, 2022 04:30
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Ronwayne posted:A screaming match ovre hoarder junk and me adopting a kitten found in freezing temperatures has resulted in a ton of tension and bad poo poo in the house eing resolved and also it is cleaner more organized and more cat. Hell yeah, it's not for everyone but it is a great for mental health to get a pet and love it, they can definitely make you feel needed. Don't get pets if you are worried you will neglect them (not saying you would) because you run the risk of making yourself more depressed for not giving them the attention they need and feeling bad about that. Jorge Bell posted:If you're noticing the crying and it's causing you to lose focus in the room (ie "I hope I don't make my therapist cry, maybe I should say things differently") then it's bad. Your sessions are about you, not them. If it's interrupting they are stealing that time from you. This absolutely; especially if you are paying out of pocket, they are charging way too much for them to not be able to even HEAR about your life. Some people really just don't have what it takes to be a good therapist but that isn't your fault.
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Jan 4, 2022 22:18
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Hi all. Thanks for the replies. When I said my therapist cried I didn't mean a full out sob but tears for certain. I'm not used to people being empathetic it seems.
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Jan 4, 2022 23:09
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And I want to add that I really appreciate having a space on this dumb forum where I can post this stuff. There are a lot of great people here.
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Jan 4, 2022 23:13
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I've been thinking. Seems to be there's an assumption I have a "normal life" where I can be "normal" underlying a lot of the "advice" people give me. (Unsolicited, resulting in a rapid "gently caress off".) I put in my eight hours at the disability factory and then go spend time with my friends and hobbies, I guess. My experience is fully alien to most people around me. I don't get breaks, I don't get to stop. I don't even get to stop trying, because the moment I neglect my health it starts getting worse, rapidly. I am not choosing taking care of myself over anything else either - I can either be exhausted and have time for nothing else, or stare at a wall in agony. Neglecting my health makes the fatigue worse, so I get even less done... but taking care of my health doesn't guarantee enough strength to even finish taking care of myself, never mind anything else. Of course, you toss in the problems of poverty on top of that. People think there's some kind of "not disabled" state I can reach, I guess. That one's almost as prevalent as "you have to be doing something wrong because there's no way all your available choices are that lovely in a just world".
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Jan 4, 2022 23:17
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endlessmonotony posted:"you have to be doing something wrong because there's no way all your available choices are that lovely in a just world". holy poo poo there it is "so you're just gonna keep being homeless? sleeping on the literal street?" yeah because my other options are a) doing months or even years of grueling bootstraps poo poo by myself just to have a job/apartment/car again or b) trying to unburn bridges and return to the person who punched me and threw all my poo poo out, so I can do the same grueling bootstraps poo poo, just while living with them. "there's gotta be something else you can do, quit lying" 
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Jan 5, 2022 18:13
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I’m so tired of America but w/e
mawarannahr has issued a correction as of 08:57 on Jan 6, 2022 |
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Jan 5, 2022 22:47
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Mental health thread, please welcome your new IK, Uganda Loves Me.
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Jan 7, 2022 23:17
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I can literally choose not do my job like, at all and nobody cares. There hasn't been any progress on this ticket in this four week sprint because I can't get myself to lift a finger in home-office and instead read forums and poo poo all day and apparently there aren't any fucks given by any of the people in the hierarchy who are supposed to care about poo poo like "is this dude we're paying 100k/yr actually doing anything of value?". And me I'm the biggest loving moron of them all cause I actually feel like poo poo and get depressed when a week goes by and not a line of code has changed even though none of this poo poo matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvhC_RdIwQ
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Jan 8, 2022 00:36
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Ocean of Milk posted:I can literally choose not do my job like, at all and nobody cares. There hasn't been any progress on this ticket in this four week sprint because I can't get myself to lift a finger in home-office and instead read forums and poo poo all day and apparently there aren't any fucks given by any of the people in the hierarchy who are supposed to care about poo poo like "is this dude we're paying 100k/yr actually doing anything of value?". And me I'm the biggest loving moron of them all cause I actually feel like poo poo and get depressed when a week goes by and not a line of code has changed even though none of this poo poo matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvhC_RdIwQ Holy gently caress, I've been in a panic for most of today over the exact same thing. Panic because I still have bi weekly one on ones (though holidays have slowed them) and every time one nears I think "This is when I get fired"
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Jan 8, 2022 00:48
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Yeah, some past post of yours resonated with me when scrolling through the last few pages. What is the feedback you receive? I don't get any substantial one during the yearly 1on1 with my "boss" (i.e. person above me in the hierarchy who does in no meaningful fashion interact with us during day-to-day work and has no clue what we do). I really gotta learn to not give a drat when my employer doesn't either. Like, it would be in our mutual interest if I were more productive (which wouldn't be that hard to achieve, some semblance of structure in my environment/workday would go a long way) but apparently my company doesn't care.
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Jan 8, 2022 01:08
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a 4 week sprint sounds like a recipe for 2.5 weeks off / 1.5 weeks scramble. we went from 1->2 week sprints last year and overall I am not a fan.
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Jan 8, 2022 01:22
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We do that because of christmas/new-years, normally it's 2 weeks. I was the only one who didn't take a vacation (24-26th and 31st-2nd are holidays here, but almost all of these landed on the weekend this year  ), I guess I should have.
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Jan 8, 2022 01:32
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Ocean of Milk posted:I can literally choose not do my job like, at all and nobody cares. There hasn't been any progress on this ticket in this four week sprint because I can't get myself to lift a finger in home-office and instead read forums and poo poo all day and apparently there aren't any fucks given by any of the people in the hierarchy who are supposed to care about poo poo like "is this dude we're paying 100k/yr actually doing anything of value?". And me I'm the biggest loving moron of them all cause I actually feel like poo poo and get depressed when a week goes by and not a line of code has changed even though none of this poo poo matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvhC_RdIwQ lol me too
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Jan 8, 2022 01:50
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Ocean of Milk posted:I can literally choose not do my job like, at all and nobody cares. There hasn't been any progress on this ticket in this four week sprint because I can't get myself to lift a finger in home-office and instead read forums and poo poo all day and apparently there aren't any fucks given by any of the people in the hierarchy who are supposed to care about poo poo like "is this dude we're paying 100k/yr actually doing anything of value?". And me I'm the biggest loving moron of them all cause I actually feel like poo poo and get depressed when a week goes by and not a line of code has changed even though none of this poo poo matters. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvhC_RdIwQ This is a familiar struggle.
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Jan 8, 2022 13:29
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I kinda envy that, I had a control freak boss that would patrol the cubes rapping his coffee mug on each wall like a prison guard thumping the bars with his baton and come and stare over your shoulder to see what you were doing. He wanted to do work from home before covid happened, but only if the employees installed spyware to let him monitor them on their private computers/laptops.
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Jan 8, 2022 14:15
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I just stumbled upon this and felt it aligns closely with many of my thoughts and feelings about the experience of depression. https://jasonlefkowitz.net/2015/10/what-it-is-like-to-live-with-clinical-depression/
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Jan 8, 2022 22:43
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No. 6 posted:I just stumbled upon this and felt it aligns closely with many of my thoughts and feelings about the experience of depression. Yeah, that's very relatable. It's really hard to get this across to someone who hasn't experienced it. Everyone seems to think they know exactly what clinical depression feels like, because they have been sad before. They think they got over it, so why can't you? People want that self-contained story arc with a satisfying conclusion, but mental health doesn't necessarily work that way. The lack of a "snappy ending" for the essay seems far more appropriate than any kind of solid conclusion.
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Jan 8, 2022 22:58
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I've been thinking. Bad habit, I know. I wish I had the affinity for the bottle instead. It's kinda impressive how isolated from society I am. I'm so disabled I can't work. Moreover, I suffer from sleep problems and fatigue in a very severe way, enough so I cannot follow any schedules, and I'll know if I can leave home the previous day, and even then it's going to take days of preparation and recovery. That Twitter thread about what fatigue's actually like really made the point rather well. I don't have any friends irl that aren't goons, and uh, that doesn't do much. I do have family irl, but it's very, hrm, decorum-filled interactions. Obviously, no job. No hobbies outside the apartment, I can't really afford much, and my problems pretty much mean there isn't much anything I'd enjoy outside the house. Especially since I cannot stand or walk for long, but I've been declined a wheelchair repeatedly because it's apparently a miracle I can still get by with a cane, and that once I get into a wheelchair I'm not getting back out. I've been looking at my former peers on social media, and that sure is a lot of rage and bitterness I feel. Those emotions can't control me, but they sure are there. And that's pretty much all I feel. About anything at all. Well, that, and the howling emptiness. They sure had all kinds of experiences. I experienced losing several years of memories, and woke to an abject hell in which I have nothing, and anything within my reach isn't at all worth the pain. As well just a mountain of trauma - in an impressive variety - I've slowly worked at. I might as well try to flatten Everest with a spoon, but it's not like I have anything better to do. Before you give advice, remember - I can't get more therapy, period. You can bitch about it - or disbelieve me - but it won't change the fact. My medication status isn't going to change anytime soon either. The current balance took years to work out, and any changes would risk my organs even worse. And I'm not going to subject myself to any half-assed plans of mine or anyone else's. I've had enough encounters where I don't have a clue what I'm doing, connect with people zero, and only find out again I have nothing in common with the people around me. Done that a dozen times. If you don't have a way to prevent the most likely outcome, well, the plan isn't worth poo poo now is it. I'd ask "what does society do with the rest of the people in my situation?" but I suppose the news headlines about loneliness in retired people causing worse health outcomes answers that, doesn't it. What do I do about it? Document it, evidently.
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Jan 10, 2022 08:23
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It feels like the kind of problem I should be able to work at. But I've done as much as I can for as long as I can, and I see no progress. Instead, I get, well, the username. I become it, just as much.
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Jan 10, 2022 08:41
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Jan 10, 2022 16:34
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This why can't I comfortably go to happy "Nothing Matters" I'm stuck in crippling despair "Nothing Matters."
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Jan 10, 2022 17:21
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How much should going from being broke and desperate for work to earning hella money in a job you like affect your mental health? Between 1 and 10
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Jan 11, 2022 05:38
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:How much should going from being broke and desperate for work to earning hella money in a job you like affect your mental health? Between 1 and 10 Depends. If your mental health was being affected by the situation resolving it will have a big impact, although it might take a little while for the change to sink in, and even then such a trauma might leave scars. For me, I would say it was an 8, but it did make me realize my mental health crisis was a more multifaceted affair than I was giving it credit for.
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Jan 11, 2022 08:31
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With my disability i'd say going to earning money with no work would be a huge, huge boost too. I got yelled at by mental health provider for saying that the best thing that could be done for my mental health is getting $150-200, no means testing, no proof, just cash on hand and she tore into me suggestion how outrageous the idea was that mental health services *anywhere* would provide that and i told the story to my therapist and he said "lots of poor people would only buy drugs and get in more trouble if they got more money" and I asked "all of them?!" and he said no, but enough to make the entire idea untenable, even for the poor people whose lives would be improved.
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Jan 11, 2022 16:45
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Ronwayne posted:With my disability i'd say going to earning money with no work would be a huge, huge boost too. I got yelled at by mental health provider for saying that the best thing that could be done for my mental health is getting $150-200, no means testing, no proof, just cash on hand and she tore into me suggestion how outrageous the idea was that mental health services *anywhere* would provide that and i told the story to my therapist and he said "lots of poor people would only buy drugs and get in more trouble if they got more money" and I asked "all of them?!" and he said no, but enough to make the entire idea untenable, even for the poor people whose lives would be improved. That attitude is so incredibly frustrating and common. There are studies showing that most people will buy exactly what they need, but that isn't even relevant. The practical concerns never enter the equation. These fuckers have decided that people in poverty don't deserve the money, and they'll shape whatever narrative they can to justify it. These people have fully bought into the just world fallacy. They think people lack money due to some moral failing, and that giving them money would only enable that moral failing. I had these same arguments with people at university, and I had no idea how much I would piss people off by suggesting that poor people might not spend all of their money on drugs and alcohol. MOVIE MAJICK posted:How much should going from being broke and desperate for work to earning hella money in a job you like affect your mental health? Between 1 and 10 Material conditions are a huge deal, but there are other factors at work too. Thinking that you should feel better than you currently feel just leads to feeling even worse. Some of my most isolating periods of depression happened when things were outwardly "good", but I just couldn't feel good. In retrospect, I just wasn't giving myself credit for the issues I dealt with.
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Jan 11, 2022 19:03
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If we magically got full socialism tomorrow you'd still be dealing with 7 billion people traumatized by capitalism.
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Jan 11, 2022 19:26
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lifetime supply of free benzos for all!
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Jan 11, 2022 21:56
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Ronwayne posted:With my disability i'd say going to earning money with no work would be a huge, huge boost too. I got yelled at by mental health provider for saying that the best thing that could be done for my mental health is getting $150-200, no means testing, no proof, just cash on hand and she tore into me suggestion how outrageous the idea was that mental health services *anywhere* would provide that and i told the story to my therapist and he said "lots of poor people would only buy drugs and get in more trouble if they got more money" and I asked "all of them?!" and he said no, but enough to make the entire idea untenable, even for the poor people whose lives would be improved. So loving what if someone buys drugs or poo poo with their money? thats what everyone does with their money (figuratively or otherwise) Heaven forbid that someone is able to get high AND eat food.
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Jan 12, 2022 05:28
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Seatbelts posted:Your support structure seems to consist of chuds. Nah, that's liberalism. The chud wouldn't even give me the drugs or therapy. I've gotten a LOT of ugly responses out of supposedly progressive people by not having a properly deferential oliver twist "Please sir may I have some more" submissive/begging behavior when asking for things.
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Jan 12, 2022 08:27
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There's a "charity" in my hometown that hosts "Hollywood-style galas" for the petite bourgeois to publicly advertise the fact that they give a small fraction of their ill-gotten goods to those they deem worthy. They choose an individual or family, do stuff for them, then turn them into poster children for the organization. Any recipient is expected to publicly share everything that's going on in their life, and they are supposed to show up to these "galas" to repeatedly thank the donors. Some people really enjoy being the gatekeepers between others and the things they need. It gives them power over others, and I see how that can appeal to people. Sometimes I have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that they convince themselves they're good people, though. I've seen that attitude in all kinds of people. From bureaucrats who gently caress up and act like they're doing me a favor by fixing it "just this one time" after a drawn-out fight. Receptionists, medical professionals, cops, judges, and anyone else who can stand between you and what you need may lord that power over you. They expect a patron-client relationship, and just can't handle it when people don't play along. I tell people that I think they deserve better, but I don't know if that's a good approach. So many of the "haves" are trying to convince the "have-nots" that we are in bad circumstances due to our own personal failings. I know I've beaten myself up plenty of times over my own short-comings. I hate to see anyone else internalize the idea that the misery inflicted upon them by capitalism is their own fault. On a different note, I hosted my weekly support group over zoom and it went extremely well. I was expecting all kinds of technical difficulties and a steep learning curve, but everyone knew what they were doing. I saw people who I hadn't seen in person since before COVID. We have a group member who can't get vaccinated due to medical reasons, so she's been very isolated. It was great to see her again. One person who has a lot of social anxiety looked absolutely serene. We were able to continue on without the usual time pressure from the church that lets us use a room. I'm thinking seriously about ways to minimize the number of gatekeepers between the group and what we need. Online meetings seem like a useful tool for that. I was able to talk to the group about all of my struggles with the local NAMI board. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't talk about these things with them, because it seems like I'm importing drama. I now know that's not true. I'm doing my best to not be one of those gatekeepers I dislike so much. On an even different note, my dad tried to volunteer me to help his rear end in a top hat landlord buddy fix some property. It would have entailed 2 weeks of unpaid labor in another state, with a 6ish hour drive each way. One of the "perks" involved was the ability to stay on this guy's property without paying him rent. He didn't ask me if I would do this, or if I wanted to do this. He just asked when I was free. In the past, I've been pressured into doing these kinds of things. My dad always starts with artificial kindness while offering an "opportunity" to me, then immediately switches to reciting a laundry-list of everything that is wrong with me if I say no. I was a bit angry, but I see the irony and humor in all of it. I spent the entire day doing physical labor for my dad without pay, and he told me that I was doing "nothing" with my life. He told me how much his buddy helps people, while completely dismissing all of my mental health advocacy. My parents do a lot for me, so I actually want to help them out. At the same time, I feel like I've finally realized my value. I'm not going to be pressured into things I don't want to do anymore. I still need to draw better boundaries with my dad, but I no longer feel obligated to take the abuse.
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Jan 12, 2022 16:43
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I think that's a healthy mindset to have. Kudos on that.
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Jan 14, 2022 20:23
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