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Just replace all your workforce with treadgoblins, legless horrors, lamia skeletons and floating skulls, you'll save hundreds in cobblers fees
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Aug 25, 2021 07:58
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Not legless horrors. Those are a tripping hazard.
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Aug 25, 2021 13:49
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looking into beholders and other hovering monstrosities 
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Aug 25, 2021 13:59
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Hodgepodge posted:i've been around awhile so i've picked up a lot of tricks for getting rid of lair pests. but for some reason it's loving foot fetishists who keep setting up shop and will not seem to stop even if i kill every last one and destroy their souls. don't get me wrong, i trade in the eternal souls of the innocent; i don't care what gets you horny for the most part. lol if you still have a mortal corporal body though. Some things remain a mystery, whether it is The Fangs Of N'r'th'th'th'x or what makes a mortal horny for one thing and not another. It's all a matter of perspective, what is the thing that impacts your dark wizard plans. You're looking at this lair pest thing the wrong way. Are they loving with anything? No Are they an occasional snack for your minions? Yes Are they another layer of loving with do gooders in your Sanctum? Yes Are they a source of souls/fodder for your experiments? Yes You might not want to actively encourage their reproduction (murder torture a few for laughs) but other than that, you've got a good thing going imho Colonel Cancer posted:Just replace all your workforce with treadgoblins, legless horrors, lamia skeletons and floating skulls, you'll save hundreds in cobblers fees This is just asking for a whole new level of wierd fetishists
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Aug 25, 2021 14:01
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Hodgepodge posted:looking into beholders and other hovering monstrosities beholders are really moody, not good workers at all unless you can capture a Hive Mother
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Aug 25, 2021 14:12
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:
This right here. Convince the pests to pick off the do gooder crusaders by being duplicitous guides and hirelings. Let a whole town of them set up shop (at a reasonable distance). Your lair is the honeypot but the adventuring parties meets their doom far enough away from your lair. You get a rep for disappearing parties and don’t have to do anything. They fight it out and you go about your business. Just like in Gymkata.
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Aug 25, 2021 14:34
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Automatic Slim posted:This right here. Convince the pests to pick off the do gooder crusaders by being duplicitous guides and hirelings. hhm, i hadn't considered exposing adventurers to the foot people. i guess i assumed that it would only make the problem worse. but technically, even that is a form of free corruption, and lol if they manage to lure a loving paladin from the grasp of their god of hall monitors with their weird feet poo poo i might just start to like them.
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Aug 25, 2021 15:45
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Hodgepodge posted:hhm, i hadn't considered exposing adventurers to the foot people. i guess i assumed that it would only make the problem worse. but technically, even that is a form of free corruption, and lol if they manage to lure a loving paladin from the grasp of their god of hall monitors with their weird feet poo poo i might just start to like them. Agreed, party encounters lair pest. Lair pests "Come Play, Milord"  Some paladin might actually get into it BOOM not a paladin anymore / Some paladin freak the gently caress out and 'cleanse' innocents BOOM not a paladin anymore This might not happen, it could just be a delay but either way, it's freaking hilarious.
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Aug 25, 2021 15:58
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:Agreed, party encounters lair pest. it's all worth it if i get to call up some paladin's god and tell them their little golden child has chosen to worship feet over them. they may have had no purpose, but now they have one: i will use them to troll lawful good deities for as long as the concept of feet remains a viable evolutionary path for intelligent life.
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Aug 25, 2021 16:02
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https://youtu.be/r2gd6a90AbE
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Aug 26, 2021 01:18
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Hey um, so I wonder if you guys can help me out with a ... I dunno, call it an alignment question? I was raised Lawful Good (on paper anyway) but honestly more Lawful Neutral in practice. I mean, yeah every Sabbath you'd find Dad out "communing with Nature spirits" but pretty sure he was just fishing. My folks are gone now though and the older I get the more I feel like I am just going through the motions to fit in with the clan. I tried talking to my sister about it, but she just blew up at me. Lots of snide cuts about how everyone goes through this phase the first time they earn enough gold to call it a proper hoard. And how I need to snap out of it and divest my earthly belongings before I fully transform into a Redcap and start consuming souls or running for office. And I cant even get her to listen to my side properly because she lives off the grid with her wood-elf husband and somehow she always "loses connection" to the scry tower right when it's my turn to talk. So, it comes down to: I LIKE decorating my lair with skulls and crimson drapery and tasteful bone furniture. And speaking of lairs, yeah I'd far rather lurk in a musty cave than climb to some leafy bower (I get vertigo). And I really love growing my hoard and thinking up clever traps to protect it and no, I don't feel bad for the jerks who break into my house to try to steal my stuff and end up exsanguinated. But does this mean I am capital-E evil? Or can I still file as Chaotic Neutral because I also like cute fuzzy things like kittens and spiders? Are there resources or guidebooks you'd recommend for someone struggling with alignment identity?
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Aug 26, 2021 03:03
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While a lot of bureaucracy is still based on the traditional alignment system, it’s entirely okay to identify as non-nonary or alignment-fluid. This is something that I realized after a lot of soul searching (both my own soul and the souls of many victims). You may have traditionally Evil goals, but that doesn’t mean you always have to follow the traditionally Evil route to achieve them. There are some days I feel Good! On those days I help crones across the street and doff my wizard cap to them. Do I also cut a lock of their hair and later use it to scry for relatives I can turn into shambling horrors? You betcha! If you stay open to the possibilities, you can achieve great Evil through almost any action!
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Aug 26, 2021 03:33
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Hodgepodge posted:it's all worth it if i get to call up some paladin's god and tell them their little golden child has chosen to worship feet over them. they may have had no purpose, but now they have one: i will use them to troll lawful good deities for as long as the concept of feet remains a viable evolutionary path for intelligent life. Watch out, their religion might take up "feet" or a boot or whatever as a new religious symbol. Gods, even powerful ones, are can be the subject to the fashions and currents of their followers. Even "good" divine powers aren't going to drive away a new opportunity to reenergize their flock in the name of righteousness. wheatpuppy posted:
Again, if your deity/pantheon is strict about what is clean and unclean, it's not going to work, but followers reshape their gods as often as the gods reshape their followers. Those skulls aren't evil, they are the martyrs of the righteous on their way to salvation. Watch out for Inquisitions though. You don't sound Chaotic Evil, you sound Lawful Morose and that's OK. secular woods sex posted:"Fluidity" One man's fetish is another man's icon. The ecstasy is EXACTLY the same. One is just deemed "wholesome" because it is holy. Automatic Slim fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Aug 26, 2021 |
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Aug 26, 2021 05:35
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Many dungeon masters consider chaotic neutral to be the most evil of the traditional alignments.
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Aug 27, 2021 01:34
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So we all know that wiz who loved the descriptor "the unspeakable" or "he/she who shall not be named" but as we all know that is dumb as poo poo. Part of why we all got into the dark arts is to be known and talked about on some level. "Ooo don't speak my name" is just someone who really wants to be talked about. It gets even worse when they curse thier own name so that the temperature in the room drops below freezing when thier name is spoken. I had some vintage bottle conditioned potions explode when they suddenly froze in thier bottles after just scrying up an old college buddy who didn't have the consideration to let me know he pulled that stunt before I said hi to him by name. Anyway, I decided to get back at him by cursing his name with the moniker of "the unseeable" and "he who shall not be seen". Now everytime someone says his name he enters into the shadow dust mirror dimension where he can see our dimension but can't be seen or interact in any meaningful way for 30 seconds. Pretty fun with the first part. Say "Telemerk the unspeakable" and the room gets cold as gently caress and he disappears just long enough to be confusing for those not in the know. Must be annoying for him to. But I was saving those potions for when a certain succubus was going to pay me a friends with benefits visit
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Aug 27, 2021 06:15
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hey man if you need i know a guy who makes the kind of vintage bottle-aged potions you may want to replace. and he knows what he's doing too he's been doing it for way longer than i've been alive at least. the thing is he's kind of paranoid about money. he doesn't like that weird wizard cash, he doesn't trust gold (i get it i've gotten burned on fae and alchemist gold too), hell he doesn't even accept good old american dollars. he only takes two things: copper shorn from the most municipal of sources, and cashed-up suica cards. "because you can't fake the neglect on forgotten copper pipes and gutters; and because even if the money on an ic card is technomanced, 7-11 can't tell the diffrence." i'll send him your info, but brush up on your heian-era japanese. he'll know if you're using Tongues and will hang the gently caress up like that. i dunno how you're gonna get INTO the country right now but you know you could wait out the pandemic or maybe you know a way to get around the imperial high sorcerer's barrier vs:gaijin spells. that's your business but i am happy to hook you up until that point.
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Aug 27, 2021 07:03
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Jon Joe posted:don't scry me
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Aug 27, 2021 08:00
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Fur20 posted:hey man if you need i know a guy who makes the kind of vintage bottle-aged potions If this is who I think it is, the product is of extremely high quality. Reality aged potions are far superior to magically aged. Well worth the additional hassle.
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Aug 27, 2021 13:27
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Thanks for the advice, but nothing beats home brewing and I don't mind waiting (undeath and all) for fermentation What's everyone's favorite home brew potion? I'm a big Hazy IPA (Infernal Potion of Afflictions) aficionado It's all about getting that perfect balance of your terror fruit essence, horror hops, and the lost soul of a neglected child. neglected to the point of getting some sort of affliction (measles, bed sores, clinical depression, etc). I'm not going to share my ratios but you get the drift. Steep those ingredients in a boiling cauldron of crystal plasma for about 60 mins, and then add one drop of demon blood from at least the 3rd infernal plane. any lower plane doesn't deliver that "infernal" flavor which is what IPAs are all about. Remove the steeped sock of essence, hops, and soul. Allow it to boil for 30 more mins. Cool the concoction to about 75f and then transfer into your carboy for fermenting. DO NOT FILTER!!! Add in some enchanted anthrax (enchanted to consume the a small part of the soul which then has the by product of intoxicating innocence). Let age about 28 years then bottle. Before you bottle prime some more enchanted anthrax and then transfer to a bottling bucket, add the primed anthrax, stir it in, and then bottle. After bottling let age a minimum of 14 years before cracking open. The longer you wait the more depth of affliction you get when you crack one of those open with the boys. Each type of affliction of the soul gives it a little bit of a different vibe in effect. Anyone who drinks one would get infernal dreams of (whatever plane) and then gain the affliction of whatever soul you utilized when brewing after a demon stalks their mind for a little bit. It would feel good/intoxicating to them in an innocent way (why not one more, these bed sores arent really causing me any problems) You always get more satisfaction out brewing it yourself vs buying it. And you have more control over the effects
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Aug 27, 2021 17:33
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EmbryoSteve posted:Thanks for the advice, but nothing beats home brewing and I don't mind waiting (undeath and all) for fermentation I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed this post
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Aug 30, 2021 13:24
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Fellow Dark Wizards, sorry to necro (lol) this thread but a lich buddy of mine has nonstop explosive diarrhea. He is adamant that he has NOT been trying any homebrew potions or forbidden fruits compote, so I am thinking hes drawn the ire of some other nefarious entity. Maybe hexed or super cursed but I haven't really had the time to look into it.
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Jan 17, 2022 15:27
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Lol, just kidding, it's me, I'm the one giving him explosive diarrhea! gently caress YOU, ZARBODETH, I KNOW YOU STILL HAVE MY RITUAL BALLDO IN YOUR SACTUM SANCTORIUM, THATS THE LAST TIME I EVER LEND YOU ANYTHING EVER AS A MATTER OF FACT KEEP IT AND GO gently caress YOURSELF FOR ETERNITY
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Jan 17, 2022 15:31
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I Heff had much success with tincture of mushroom blessed with Dark Plane DeParasitism and Elemental Mercury am very healthy now, natural spiritual immunity against all wards and dark arts
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Jan 17, 2022 18:44
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You would be amazed at how much much lich-poo poo goes for on the alchemical regent market. If you can find a way to get it under control, or just live with constantly blasting into jars (or a modified bag of holding) you could literally be sitting on a gold mine.
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Jan 17, 2022 18:53
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i just had my decadal alignment examination and apparently i no longer qualify as Good, i've been moved to True Neutral. i presume it's right because i'm not angry about it, if anything i'm like "oh... well that makes sense!" needless to say i've had my good mage's circles memberships revoked but it's nbd. does anyone have recommendations for TN circles? the druids keep sending me their newsletter but i know i'm technically an apostate because i learned their language without becoming one. naturally, i'm suspicious about their motives
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Jan 17, 2022 21:13
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I think you have to ask them to invite you in thrice and they will repent and forgive your indiscretion, such are their mysterious druish ways
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Jan 17, 2022 21:34
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Fur20 posted:i just had my decadal alignment examination and apparently i no longer qualify as Good, i've been moved to True Neutral. i presume it's right because i'm not angry about it, if anything i'm like "oh... well that makes sense!" I dont want to say gently caress druids but Colonel Cancer posted:I think you have to ask them to invite you in thrice and they will repent and forgive your indiscretion, such are their mysterious druish ways gently caress druids
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Jan 17, 2022 22:53
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Nah I'm just kidding you guys are ok for granolas
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Jan 17, 2022 22:54
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FilthyImp posted:I Heff had much success with tincture of mushroom blessed with Dark Plane DeParasitism and Elemental Mercury am very healthy now, natural spiritual immunity against all wards and dark arts Dont tell Zarbodeth, I'm not done with that little lich rear end motherfucker yet
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Jan 17, 2022 22:55
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secular woods sex posted:You would be amazed at how much much lich-poo poo goes for on the alchemical regent market. If you can find a way to get it under control, or just live with constantly blasting into jars (or a modified bag of holding) you could literally be sitting on a gold mine. I did have a small amount I used to keep for myself but I kept it too long near other evil items and it kept atracting sprites. I mean I used some of the sprites for potion bases but they just kept coming and I didn't want to deal with them including any logistics to sell them off. Side note, rotten loch poo poo smells loving awful
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Jan 17, 2022 22:59
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Fur20 posted:needless to say i've had my good mage's circles memberships revoked but it's nbd. does anyone have recommendations for TN circles? So kidding aside, look into mystic tribunal services, it's right up your alley. They are always on the lookout for true neutrals. I heard they have some nice perks, too.
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Jan 17, 2022 23:03
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Just spawned some fresh goblins for you guys. I know since the pandemic , the Crypt ogres have been scalping fresh bodies for undead armies causing the prices to skyrocket. My goblins are a cheap and affordable option till the market hopefully drops Not to mention those fuckers making those bullshit Necromatic Fairy Tokens. Those things are an ugly scam
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Jan 18, 2022 00:54
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New palantir who dis
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Jan 18, 2022 00:59
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I believe I have left my ungents on the bus. HAS ANYONE FORSEEN MY UNGENTS
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Jan 18, 2022 00:59
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Big Beef City posted:I believe I have left my ungents on the bus. on the kitchen island in the plastic Rites-Aid shopping bag in which you brought ‘em home, you big bag of bones   . scryed it in a bubble in my tropicana cookies cartridge Hihohe posted:Just spawned some fresh goblins for you guys. I know since the pandemic , the Crypt ogres have been scalping fresh bodies for undead armies causing the prices to skyrocket. My goblins are a cheap and affordable option till the market hopefully drops motherfuckers are filling my got-dang “incoming” summon circle with NFT garbage and the day the Sidhe finally stoop to crack down on this reskinned sprite crap is a day I will spend laughing myself sick (also could you hook a girl up with any spare goblin squeezings you got kicking around? I’ve been workshopping the concept of a Potion of Instantiating Waifu or Hazubando, which I think will sell like gangbusters among the “complete loser” set. the squeezings are to mask the taste of all the hallucinogens, of course) SatansOnion fucked around with this message at 01:26 on Jan 18, 2022 |
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Jan 18, 2022 01:23
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*scowls and tucks arms across chest into sleeves of robe and hover walks into the kitchen with hat brim over eyes* I DO NOT SEE MINE UNGENTS ON THE KITCHEN IS- nevermind.
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Jan 18, 2022 01:26
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whew I just freed myself from a logic loop where I was stuck in NPC mode for a couple weeks “Welcome to my shop” “I’m just a humble alchemist,” pacing back and forth between two locations and then lying down fully clothed on a bed for exactly 8 hours. some guy put a bucket over my head and robbed the place blind like, four times. I’d be embarrassed except it turns out I did it to myself to protect against scrying, turns out no one can read your thoughts if you have none. thought the paladins were on to me finally and were going to figure out I am behind the TOMB OF ANCIENT SKELETONS. Some idiot adventurer left a door open and bunch of skeletons got out of the TOMB and ran amok across the countryside. It was pretty bad I thought they were going to wipe the server to deal with it. The Paladins sent some top people to investigate, the rare smart kind who actually run stuff and not the typical mid-level zealots who believe all the hype. Hiding my mind inside some base code worked pretty well when they came to investigate; my front business here as an alchemy shop keeper is boring enough no one sticks around to find the trap door to The Skeleton Pit (which of course began as a latrine for my spare bedroom that got out of control when some skeletons I summoned never stopped digging) I took a look into my dungeon and found what’s left of a good dozen full blown capital-P Paladins. luckily for me there’s like, eleventy eight bizzilion skeletons down there. My one great secret is that there is no point to the skeleton pit; no evil plot, no dastardly plan- it’s just, it’s a hole, that’s a dungeon, and, a whole bunch of fuckin’ skeletons. Like and I rent them out as henchmen. there’s no point to the pit, there’s no goal. Do gooders come seeking to defeat THE SKELETON KING of THE SKELETON TOMB and I’m like, not sure there is one down there. I mean maybe I haven’t looked around, maybe one of the skellies has like a different hat or whatever. They just “dig holes”and “attack adventurers” and “gnaw flesh” which of course “makes more skeletons” anyways one of the paladins is a Death Knight now so that’s pretty good. I can get good money for that guy. Or toss him a crown, hang a sign that says SkElEtOn KiNg. Make some adventurers happy when they fight him, before being inevitably overpowered by skeletons and their flesh gnawed off, so I can rent them out. It’s a living!
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Jan 18, 2022 02:00
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The Bloop posted:New palantir who dis What up my nword (necromancer) Holla at ya boyeeee
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Jan 18, 2022 02:05
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Hihohe posted:Just spawned some fresh goblins for you guys. I know since the pandemic , the Crypt ogres have been scalping fresh bodies for undead armies causing the prices to skyrocket. My goblins are a cheap and affordable option till the market hopefully drops Thank you, sometimes you forget to take a little time for yourself and some things slip through the cracks. those goblins are going to taste delicious.
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Jan 18, 2022 02:07
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naem posted:whew I just freed myself from a logic loop where I was stuck in NPC mode for a couple weeks Lol, Devilsdamn that is funny, I mean im glad it's working out for you that Death Knight is some cash on legs right there. Might be a good idea even to keep it around in case of logic loops, etc. *hastily shoves stolen bones off workbench and altar*
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Jan 18, 2022 02:13
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