r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

PancakeTransmission posted:

We all had to cook once a week as teens. It's annoying but so is being an adult and cooking (yeah I cook now but still don't particularly enjoy it). It's no surprise how many stories come out of failchildren in their 20s+ that can't do simple things, if their parents never asked them to learn how to do basic chores before leaving home.

There's a good chunk of these parents who actively prevent kids from even practicing things, and then suddenly expect them to do it without assistance. Going straight from 'You're too young, you'll just screw it up' to 'You're old enough that you should know how to do this' smoothly with nothing in between. And then they start yelling at you again.

It should explain a lot itt.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 10:59

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Hughlander posted:

That is literally what jetlag is. I have no idea why people would willingly give themselves jetlag twice a week.

In other news, oh no Cinderella don't escape to the castle!

AITA for moving in with my half sister just because our dad will pay our rent?

quote:

My brother called me a gold digger and said I shouldn't expect any help from them if anything happens

I mean, it sounds like this is just good life advice for the OP in general

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:36

Charity Porno: Aug 2, 2021; by Hand Knit

Serephina posted:

So uh, is that normal these days? Once the romance is over you just go full scorched earth and block people?

My ex of ELEVEN YEARS cheated on me, dumped me via text, and ghosted me. I had to actually figure out what to do with all our joint accounts and assets myself. There was literally no warning beforehand and our relationship was pretty standard, if a bit boring.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:38

poisonpill: Nov 8, 2009; The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.

Charity Porno posted:

My ex of ELEVEN YEARS cheated on me, dumped me via text, and ghosted me. I had to actually figure out what to do with all our joint accounts and assets myself. There was literally no warning beforehand and our relationship was pretty standard, if a bit boring.

Gotta hear what a catch the other guy/girl was to make them blow up their entire life like that

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:42

Charity Porno: Aug 2, 2021; by Hand Knit

poisonpill posted:

Gotta hear what a catch the other guy/girl was to make them blow up their entire life like that

With over a year to reflect on it, our relationship honestly was kind of toxic to both of us. We both had mental health issues that fed off each other and in the end it's a good thing we broke up.

That being said, there was no abuse or violence of any type and we had been together for 11 years so the ghosting seemed totally out of left field. I guess it's just a thing people do now

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:45

Cacator: Aug 6, 2005; You're quite good at turning me on.

Charity Porno posted:

With over a year to reflect on it, our relationship honestly was kind of toxic to both of us. We both had mental health issues that fed off each other and in the end it's a good thing we broke up.

That being said, there was no abuse or violence of any type and we had been together for 11 years so the ghosting seemed totally out of left field. I guess it's just a thing people do now

If she ghosted you then can't you just keep all of her stuff?

# ? Jan 20, 2022 03:53

Charity Porno: Aug 2, 2021; by Hand Knit

Cacator posted:

If she ghosted you then can't you just keep all of her stuff?

3 months after the ghosting she deigned to text me to set up a time to get her stuff. She forbid any discussion of anything other than her stuff lol

# ? Jan 20, 2022 04:37

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?

quote:

I (36M) work full time and my wife (32F) is a SAHM looking after our 2 year old twins.

When we got married, we both agreed that my wife would be a SAHM, especially since we don't have any family/grandparents nearby. We were both in agreement and my wife made it clear she wanted to enjoy seeing our kids grow up (we don't plan on having any more).

I make a good wage so we are comfortable. I don't give my wife any spending limits (obviously we discuss big purchases) so she is free to buy herself things, I make sure she has access to money and she takes care of everything around the house.

I work from home and a typical day for me is 7am - 5pm. Once I finish work, I go and spend time with the twins while my wife makes dinner. We put them to bed together and my wife usually clears up in the kitchen. She is great at her job and the house is spotless. I am happy with this arrangement and I thought my wife was too.

Recently, she has been coming to me and saying that she feels burned out, unappreciated and taken for granted. I asked if I could do anything to help and she said that it would be nice if I did something now and again to show that I appreciated her. E.g. buying her favourite bar of chocolate when I go to the shop or something small, just as a gesture of appreciation. I'll admit that I didn't do this, purely because I am not in the habit to be honest.

We recently had a massive argument because my wife got completely fed up with being "treated like a servant". She basically said that her working hours are 5am - 9pm, 7 days a week and that she feels like I take her for granted. I told her that I understand it's a tough job but we both get on with our respective roles. I never ask her to thank me for making money, I think that's cringeworthy. I get on with my job because I have to provide for my family whereas she wants presents and treats for doing her job.

I essentially said this to her and now I'm wondering if I am the rear end in a top hat - looking after kids and the house is tiring and she does work hard and takes care of everything. But at the same time, do I need to thank her on bended knee and buy her things just for doing her job? AITA?

EDIT: Ok, you can all stop tearing me a new rear end in a top hat. I get it. I do get to relax at the weekend whereas my wife usually does her normal routine and gets on top of the cleaning etc. Just for the record, I do thank her for everything she does - I say thank you all the time but I understand that this may not be her love language.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:06

Propaniac: Nov 28, 2000; SUSHI ROULETTO!; College Slice

My boyfriend’s (M32) dad (M70) wrote a mean poem about me (F30) and shared it behind my back on Thanksgiving. Now my bf says it’s between me and his dad to fix

quote:

Basically what the title says. This was my first holiday away from my family, first time meeting my boyfriend’s extended family. I knew his dad for a while and I know how mean & misogynistic his poetry is. I’ve been avoiding reading the poem, but my bf’s sister told me about it and said it’s a scathing critique on both my relationship and she & her husband’s relationship— mostly focusing on how insufferable women are to “deal with”. The sister was deeply upset by this poem her dad wrote and pulled me aside the next day to tell me not to read it if it comes up. My boyfriend knows how hurt I am, and since then has shrugged this off as something I need to hash out with his dad directly. I’ve been putting off sitting down with his dad because I’m in an awkward position of feeling hurt & alienated. My boyfriend claims I told him I would handle this on my own, which I may have said out of frustration of him not standing up for me. Regardless, my terms are that my boyfriend actually reads the poem (which will likely be altered to not be so harsh). His dad is a known narcissistic abuser who everybody in that family has warned me about, but my bf doesn’t seem to understand that I need him in my corner right now. His dad reached out to me tonight to talk and I’m absolutely dreading addressing any of this. My parents would never be so unkind to my bf, and if they ever were, I would take charge to handle that for him. I’m honestly exhausted and just feeling abandoned. I have no problem not speaking to that man ever again but for some reason my adult bf lets his dad live with him. What a mess.

quote:

UPDATE: thank you all for your perspectives so far- confirming this is not just on me to handle. Ive since spoken to my bf and he’s absolutely irate, saying that I waited until he got a new job to start “whining” to him about the situation. I got the dad to send me the poem via text (almost positive it’s been altered) and in short he’s calling me and his own daughter “crazy”. My bf is mad at me now, telling me it’s obviously about his sister, not me- but that’s also lovely that a father is writing a poem calling his own daughter crazy and read it to her while we’re at HER house for Thanksgiving

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:08

ErrorInvalidUser: Aug 23, 2021; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:13

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Propaniac posted:

My boyfriend’s (M32) dad (M70) wrote a mean poem about me (F30) and shared it behind my back on Thanksgiving. Now my bf says it’s between me and his dad to fix

Pack up all of BF's stuff, leave it on dad's doorstep, then call and congratulate him about his exciting new MGTOW lifestyle

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:16

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

teen witch posted:

AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?

YTA, I sentence you to two vacations.

The first vacation is for your wife, an all-expenses-paid weeklong solo trip to the destination of her choosing.

The second vacation is you taking a week of unpaid time off to mind the children and the house while your wife is on her vacation. You must feed, clothe, and tend to the children to the fullest extent to which they are accustomed. The house must also be maintained to its usual standards. Financial penalties apply to every instance of failure on your part. If your wife returns and finds the house or the children wanting, you forfeit the cost of a second vacation to your wife, with the money being put into a separate spending account to be used solely for things that make her happy.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:20

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

teen witch posted:

AITA for telling my wife that she should stop constantly expecting appreciation and just get on with her job of being a SAHM?

reminds me of the guy who got publicly shamed so hard by his mom that she got banned from the bar he ditched his overworked wife to go drink with his buddies at

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:26

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not wanting my fianc�'s last name because it is too Middle Eastern?

quote:

My fianc� (26M) and I (F24) have been together for three years. I've always told him that I want to keep my last name because I like my name and I�m beginning my professional career. He and I live in the US in a southern, more conservative area. I won't use real names, but my name is a common English name (think Mary Williams or Olivia Smith), while his last name comes from his Arabic father (think Mohammed or Hussein or Al-Baghdadi).

Recently, we were discussing last names for me and our future kids. He pointed out, as he has several times before, that it would be easier for family planning and traveling for us all to just have his last name. I agreed that it would be nice, but I still wouldn�t take his name. This time, he wouldn�t let it go, arguing that it just makes sense and I don�t have a valid reason not to take his name.

Here's where I may be the a�hole.

Tired of being hounded about this topic, I finally told him the truth � that I had always intended to take my future husband�s last name before we met, it�s just his name I don�t want to take.

I reminded him that his last name has caused his family nothing but trouble in this country, especially post 9/11. How he complains of being stopped at airports and that he and his siblings were teased for their name as kids, so much so that all his siblings, male and female, have since changed their last names. I pointed out that his name may be common in the Middle East, but it is also identical to a famous Middle Eastern politician/terrorist leader, and how people in the US subconsciously make that connection every time he introduces himself.

He said that I was being racist and an a�hole and that I was saying that his name isn�t good enough for me. He also pointed out that he is the last one in his family that can pass the name on, and that he was proud of his name in spite of all the hardship it has caused him.

I argued that it was selfish of him to want to pass on the last name that would make life harder for me professionally and difficult for our future kids socially, just for the sake of preserving the patriarchal tradition of keeping the man�s name. That in his shoes, I wouldn�t hesitate to change my last name to make life easier on my family. I even suggested a compromise where we both change our names to something different, maybe a name from the other side of his family so that we could all have the same last name and honor his family history. But he wasn�t interested.

Everybody I have talked to about this in the past has encouraged me to take my husband�s last name until I tell them what the name is, which is when they usually side with my arguments. His family, on the other hand, are all advocating for me to take the name, even the siblings who changed it years ago.

Edit: After reading the comments, I realize the title may be misleading. I was attempting to write a title conveying the racism and judgment I fear for myself and my future kids without using words like "ethnic" or "terrorist". To clarify, I would take another Middle Eastern name, given that it isn't attached to any infamous people or political figures.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:38

Kung Food: Dec 11, 2006; PORN WIZARD

Ghost Leviathan posted:

There's a good chunk of these parents who actively prevent kids from even practicing things, and then suddenly expect them to do it without assistance. Going straight from 'You're too young, you'll just screw it up' to 'You're old enough that you should know how to do this' smoothly with nothing in between. And then they start yelling at you again.

It should explain a lot itt.

Don't dox me. Seriously though there is a reason "Dad tried to teach me to fix cars but all I learned was how to hold the light and get yelled at" was a popular meme.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:43

Bargearse: Nov 27, 2006; 🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not wanting my fianc�'s last name because it is too Middle Eastern?

It�s bin Laden isn�t it

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:47

Upgrade: Jun 19, 2021

I mean, her compromise is fair. Sometimes a name gets ruined. You don�t see a lot of Adolfs running around.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:51

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Propaniac posted:

My boyfriend’s (M32) dad (M70) wrote a mean poem about me (F30) and shared it behind my back on Thanksgiving. Now my bf says it’s between me and his dad to fix

he�s absolutely irate, saying that I waited until he got a new job to start �whining� to him about the situation.

This dude absolutely believes everything his dad believes.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:53

LRADIKAL: Jun 10, 2001; Fun Shoe

If not bin Laden, maybe Hussein or Atta!

# ? Jan 20, 2022 05:58

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

LRADIKAL posted:

If not bin Laden, maybe Hussein or Atta!

That's unfortunate. "Hussein", as opposed to "Saddam Hussein", mostly recalls for me the late King of Jordan, who in my mind is associated with positive vibes.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 06:04

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

LRADIKAL posted:

If not bin Laden, maybe Hussein or Atta!

I think it�s gotta be bin Laden since she used Hussein as one of the fake example names and it�s immediately recognizable to everyone.

I mean, I�d say the only reason anyone needs for why they�re not changing their name is because they don�t want to, but I think she�s got a pretty good reason on top of that.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 06:16

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

AITA I told my wife that the one who cooks decides the menu

quote:

My wife and I share cooking duties. I cook on weekdays and she cooks on weekends because her work hours are longer.

The thing is, I find it easier to cook Indian food because I don't have to bother looking at a recipe so the food gets done faster.

I cook something like idly, dosa, uthappam, paddu etc for breakfast because the batter can prepared once a week and can be used whenever. Sometimes, I make upma as well.

For lunch and dinner, it's usually curry, lentil soup(sambhar), rice, veggie stir fry etc.

My wife is saying it's unfair for me to always cook Indian. She's apparently bored of eating the same dishes week after week.

I also go to work, so I don't find it convenient to keep looking at a recipe and do a special dish everyday. I told her that whoever cooks, will decide the menu. She said that I'm selfish for putting such a ridiculous rule.

AITA?

If my spouse prepared breakfast, lunch, and dinner five days a week, I would say thank you instead of bitching about it. As it is I do most of the cooking and shopping but my wife helps with it and if there is something she has to have that I don�t want to prepare, she does it. Also, imagine if your spouse complained that you cook American or French or Italian every day. It would be a little strange if that�s where you were from.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:24

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

It might be nice if they actually asked the spouse what they wanted occasionally.

Like that�s a thing people in normal relationships do.

We plan menus out all the time even if only one of us is going to be cooking.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:26

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for charging my Aunt and Uncle to babysit my little cousins?

quote:

So I (18F) routinely babysit for my Aunt and Uncle as they both work a lot, I currently babysit their children: (1M and 1F) and (8M) five days a week from 8am till 8pm, the older cousin is in school for most of those hours so he's not so much trouble I just need to pick him up and ensure he has dinner and does his homework etc but it's the twins that i'm primarily taking care of.

I recently told my Aunt and Uncle that as this is severely cutting into my ability to look for a job and start making my own money that I could only continue if they paid me and threw out a ballpark figure of �80 a week which is far less than i'd make in a fulltime job and much cheaper than paying a stranger to take care of the kids we're family after all I didn't want to overcharge. They also make good money so this would in no way hurt them.

It seems however this was a mistake as my Aunt blew up about how entitled I am and how you don't charge family to babysit and began to rattle off how I have free access to their wifi and their food etc, I pointed out that taking care of two one year olds I have basically no time to go on the wifi and that I can't eat their food and have to bring my own as i'm vegan and 90% of their stuff isn't compatible with that which led to a huge argument I was eventually told to get out.

My Aunt has now taken to Social Media to rant about how spoiled and entitled I am and how she's not going to pay someone for the easy job of taking care of two babies who are basically no work which is hilarious as I can assure you two 1 year olds is not easy. My parents are now up in arms over this defending me and my Mum is not talking to her sister. I just feel awful for causing this family drama, should I have just continued to do it for free?

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:32

dog nougat: Apr 8, 2009

Fuuuckkkk those people. If it's apparently so easy that anyone can just do it for free why don't one of the parents not work and do it?

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:36

coronatae: Oct 14, 2012

MarcusSA posted:

It might be nice if they actually asked the spouse what they wanted occasionally.

Like that�s a thing people in normal relationships do.

We plan menus out all the time even if only one of us is going to be cooking.

Quite often one of us is like ohhh hmm gently caress can't think of a dinner idea, got any requests?

Also she should consider doing prep for a slow cooker meal to make during weekdays if she's so desperate for variety.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:40

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

Eating the same menu week after week would get old fast. Agreed there are plenty of throw everything into the pot slow cooker recipes that would split cooking more evenly while satisfying the wife�s desire for something different.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:42

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my wife's family our secret?

quote:

I (28M) have been with my wife, Rebecca, (29F) for four years. Rebecca comes from a very religious family and we have hidden a lot of aspects about our marriage. We have some contact with them and only see them on holidays and special occasions, like weddings or baby showers. One of the biggest things they disapprove of was not having our wedding in a church, it was such a big deal that we now hide aspects of our marriage, like the fact we are going to be childfree

One thing the family does not know about is that Rebecca and I have an open marriage and have had an open relationship ever since we started dating. So I was meeting up with another girl at the bar a few days ago. It was going well and I didn�t notice anything strange. Well, today we went to Rebecca�s sister�s �baby shower� ( the large baby shower was canceled since the plague so it really was dinner with her family). We get there and everyone is glaring daggers at me. The whole thing is tense until we get to a slideshow on her sister showing pictures of the nursery and other baby stuff. In the slide show, there was a picture of me with the girl at the bar. It wasn�t an innocent picture and looking at it everyone would think I was cheating.

The whole family starts yelling at me and calling me a cheater and how dare I do this to Rebecca. I look at Rebecca for help but she just stays quiet. I try to get them to calm down but nothing is working. So I just yell out Rebecca and I have an open marriage. This causes everyone to start freaking out even more and we quickly leave.

I�m in the car with Rebecca and she starts to yell at me about how could I tell her family that. That I completely betrayed her trust and this is probably going to ruin her relationship with the family. I�m angry now and say, � So what, you would rather make me out to be a cheater than tell the truth.� The argument continues for the rest of the car ride and she won�t talk to me anymore. I am sleeping on the couch.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:43

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my wife's family our secret?

Love to hear how she was going to explain staying with him while pretending he did cheat. I imagine it'd come down to constantly allowing her family to hold the "cheating" over his head, constantly tormenting him every get-together.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 07:52

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

I suppose that�s what she expected, yes. She left him to handle it on his own, with no support while she was sitting right there. He chose to tell the truth instead. Good on him.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 08:11

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Isnt part of the open marriage thing that everyone knows?

# ? Jan 20, 2022 08:13

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Barudak posted:

Isnt part of the open marriage thing that everyone knows?

What do you mean. Sometimes the partner doesn't even know!

# ? Jan 20, 2022 08:18

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Barudak posted:

Isnt part of the open marriage thing that everyone knows?

You're thinking of an open secret.

Or Poly. They make sure absolutely everyone knows.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 08:19

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

That seems like a perfectly good reason to sever a relationship to me. Throwing her husband to the wolves she calls family is inexcusable. Expecting to be able to leverage this against him, directly or not, is even worse.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 08:25

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

My girlfriend (27f) had an absolute meltdown when I (22m) told her I wanted some alone time for the evening. We�ve been together for 3 months. I need advice.

quote:

Someone please tell me if this is worth it. My girlfriend of three months will not respect my own wants and needs. She cannot take no for an answer when it comes to plans. We see each other every day, I let her come to my place and spend the night constantly. But when I need to spend time on my hobbies or schoolwork she gets upset. We have spent that last two days together. Today she asked me to spend the evening with her, and I told her that I needed some alone time to work on my classes. She got passive aggressive and gave me a list of everything we could do, to which I responded, �no, I need to take care of some schoolwork tonight�. She had an absolute meltdown in which she shook and cried and was angry for over an hour. I am an adult with adult responsibilities, and as much as I like spending time with her, I need her to respect my time away from her.

Is this normal in a relationship? Is this healthy? Is it worth it? Did I mess up somewhere along the way? Please give me advice.

EDIT: she also gets jealous of my dog.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 09:00

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Dazerbeams posted:

Eating the same menu week after week would get old fast. Agreed there are plenty of throw everything into the pot slow cooker recipes that would split cooking more evenly while satisfying the wife�s desire for something different.

I don�t think he�s literally cooking the ame dish every day. He just says he�s sticking to Indian food and there is variety within that. And his reason for that is that he knows how to cook Indian food without having to use recipes or think too much about it. There are probably a ton of people who stick to whatever their national cuisine is. I pretty much agree with him that the person cooking can choose in a situation where one person is doing almost all the cooking.

# ? Jan 20, 2022 09:04

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Mx. posted:

My girlfriend (27f) had an absolute meltdown when I (22m) told her I wanted some alone time for the evening. We�ve been together for 3 months. I need advice.

Uh why hold on to this psycho after only 3 months?

# ? Jan 20, 2022 09:05