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ikanreed posted:*gets beaten up by an 11 year old child in bright red clothing* Like we've all been there. But that red dress kid, probably like son of that alien dude who wears a cape, of a greek god or some crap. Did a little googling last night, did you know their was a Mayan god of bats. Camazotz. God of night, dark and sacrifice and poo poo. That's exactly who batman is man, like dark, night, bats. That loving batman. he's like that mayan god or something. I dunno. Can we just like take out some peoples hearts as like offerings to him or something and he'll lay off? Wait was that Mayans or azatecs that did that poo poo. Ah man, like I can keep up with this ancient god religious poo poo. Like there's just to many loving gods that exist man. that are loving on tv. arghhh!!! All my Alaskan crim mates don't have to deal with any of this crap. Just like pull out a gun, say gimmie your money, then they have money. Ahh what ever lets just go and find some people to take hearts from I guess. 
dr_rat fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Jan 22, 2022 |
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Jan 22, 2022 23:04
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 22:26 |
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"So the first time I'm working a job in Gotham, it's for Freeze, and of course Batman shows up, and you know what I do? I launch myself into a flying jump kick, except I slip and rack my nuts on a chair, and all the boys stop advancing on Bats and start laughing. I hear a snort escape that fishbowl that frozen freak wears on his head. Then I start throwing up from the pain and I swear to god through my tears I see the goddamned Batman crack a little grin. Needless to say, his little moment of levity lasts about half a second before he starts crippling all the boys for life before disabling Freeze's suit with some gizmo. He doesn't even bother cuffing me because I'm just writhing on the floor in pain. Fortunately, Two-Face decided to hold up the Second National Bank just about this time so I was able to get away before the cops showed up." Jeez, I didn't ask for your life story, just how you ended up working for Crazy Quilt
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Jan 22, 2022 23:11
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“Don’t work for freeze if you got a bad back,jonny wuz carrying nitrogen canisters to the truck and freeze “accidentally” got the floor all slippy and icey as bats wuz chasin’ im’ down,now jonny’s got a back like a pretzel a canister valve stuck in his head and a batarang in his rear end”.
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Jan 23, 2022 00:17
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Head Bee Guy posted:you hear something? You’re being paranoid. It’s probably just the wind.
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Jan 23, 2022 14:39
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Gotta say, I never thought Sid the Squid would get that far. He's an inspiration to all of us.
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Jan 23, 2022 14:53
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Prof. Crocodile posted:You’re being paranoid. It’s probably just the wind. Wait, what was that?
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Jan 23, 2022 14:56
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Oh, nevermind. It was nothing. Just the bat. ...!
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Jan 23, 2022 16:32
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You know, Gotham's economy's really turned around now that it's all completely legitimate businesses and clown gas factories. It seemed pretty dire for a while.
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Jan 23, 2022 17:59
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Man, I'm glad I didn't take that job working for Falcone. I heard Batman busted up the shipment and the guys handling security and loading. I'll just be happy picking up extra shifts for a while here on the docks while Jimmy and the rest of those numbskulls get out of the hospital and/or prison. Yep, everything's coming up me. *Dies that night in a Penguin/Black Mask gang war crossfire as both sides try to hijack some WayneTech macguffins off a cargo ship*
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Jan 23, 2022 18:42
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whoa tha bat just beat up 5 of my thug buddies?!?! better try takin him on alone myself wid this rust metal pipe!
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Jan 23, 2022 18:52
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*works for anarky manning a riot ribs truck, feeding the homeless and down trodden* *gets beaten up, robbed and disappeared by the portland police bureau* *days later the riot ribs truck returns to the street rebranded as a waynecorp mobile charity platform, also dick grayson announces his portland mayoral bid*
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Jan 23, 2022 20:15
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did you ever notice how there's a lot of parity between heroes and villains? like, batman's just a dude, nah nah, I've heard the rumors too, they're bullshit. he's just a dude, one time when I was working for catwoman I walked in on her pegging him up the rear end, tights all around his ankles and everything, or like, you remember phil krupinninsky? yeah, big guy, not too bright, well one time I saw him land a lucky haymaker on batman, staggered him good, he was punch drunk for a solid half a minute. point is, batman's just a dude, fucks bleeds and shits just like us. then you get like superman who's an alien of superhuman power or, like the spectre who's straight up the right hand of god. you know, superman mostly fights other aliens and the spectre fights, like, demons or something. point is heros and villains are usually pretty evenly matched and I guess they should be. but here's the rub, superman's main foe is lex luthor, just a dude, just a rich rear end in a top hat. superman shouldn't be fighting luthor, batman should be fighting luthor. they're both just dudes, batman's gotta have some money stashed away to be able to afford all his cars and gadgets and poo poo so it's a safe assumption that they're both rich dudes. so yeah, point is that batman should be fighting luthor and then he should go after that rear end in a top hat wayne
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Jan 23, 2022 21:05
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"hey kid, I ain't never seen you around here before, what's your name?" "robin..sley. yup that's my name rob insley" "you ain't related to that jay insley liberal is ya? "nah, can't stand the tree hugger" later "yeah, I was talkin' to that new kid on the dock, rob insley, good kid. domino mask is a weird thing to be wearing, but I guess it's a step up from those earlobe stretching plugs the last kid had"
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Jan 24, 2022 00:00
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Yeah, I tried to rob a few gas stations with a few guys but some guy in just a ballgag and a bird speedo showed up and kicked the poo poo out of us. I'm not even sure if he was a superhero...Anyway at least Penguin has dental y'know.
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Jan 24, 2022 00:56
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I've got an MBA from Harvard and you're only offering me assistant to guy holding a wrench? I hate this loving bullshit economy
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Jan 24, 2022 00:59
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Boy I sure hope that groundhog don't see his shadow this year, that god damned Punxsutawney Phil. We bedda not get six extra weeks of winta. Tryin to do a job when tha only uniforms they gives ya is a pair of boots, some jeans and a pair of suspendas ain't easy when the cold is freezin ya. Hard enough puttin food on tha table, and ya gotta pay for ya own socks an underpants an toidle necks. I got called in on a job when my lady was at the laundry, had to do it in just the suspendas and boots. Maybe we betta start one ah them unions.
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Jan 24, 2022 04:27
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Us, take on the Bat, all at once? This your first day or something? No, kid, we charge him one by one.
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Jan 24, 2022 05:27
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I just moved here from Metropolis. Believe me, it's gonna be easy street henching here. Every single cop besides Gordon is on the take. Plus there's no super-hearing or x-ray vision to worry about, just some guy with a cape and binoculars. Oh, Batman is strong and fast and dodges gunfire? Ooohhh, I'm fricking scared. On my last job, Superman heard Toyman monologing from halfway across the city, broke through a wall, and wrapped me and the boys up in a steel girder literally before the sound of him busting into the warehouse reached my ears. Think about that. I mean, I guess I might be able to dodge a batarang. You ain't dodging heat vision; he is already looking at the gun in your hand, and bam! it's melted. Sure, I might be the first guy Batman grabs, but if I'm not, I've got a whole clip of bullets to fire. All it takes is one shot. You know how many bullets it takes to stop Superman? Neither do I. Like I said, youse guys have it easy here in Gotham.
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Jan 24, 2022 06:01
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I needed a step down from being with an evil organization after working for Nestle.
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Jan 24, 2022 06:09
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Does it ever bother you that da boss just calls us all Rocko?
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Jan 24, 2022 06:45
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Yvershek posted:I needed a step down from being with an evil organization after working for Nestle.
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Jan 24, 2022 18:56
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Okay you guys know the plan. We wait until the moon is full, then we drive to an alley with steam billowing up from the sewer grates, and linger about while Kevin and Jake unload the truck.
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Jan 24, 2022 19:08
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I've been huffing Scarecrow's fear gas for months and I think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. I can't even get going in the morning without a hallucination about a giant flaming dog chasing me through a graveyard.
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Jan 24, 2022 19:23
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Scarecrow has somehow managed to gas the bat at least six times this year with his fear gas, so I asked him, why not just load up on aerosoled bleach or asbestos dust or cyanide gas or something instead, and he sat there for a loooooong time before he said something about me "missing the point" and then kinda wandered off.
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Jan 25, 2022 00:29
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he hates that everyone is way more afraid of joker or even bane
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Jan 25, 2022 00:36
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Committing workplace harassment by humming the Batman theme around Rocko after he got PTSD from being hung upside down from a bridge.
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Jan 25, 2022 00:39
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Evah since I started henchin I cants go to pokah night no more cause every time I gets a good hands I have lil blue lightnin' ovah mah head!
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Jan 25, 2022 01:06
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Eclipse12 posted:Scarecrow has somehow managed to gas the bat at least six times this year with his fear gas, so I asked him, why not just load up on aerosoled bleach or asbestos dust or cyanide gas or something instead, and he sat there for a loooooong time before he said something about me "missing the point" and then kinda wandered off. I wonder if I can mix fear gas, joker gas AND venom...
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Jan 25, 2022 10:23
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Just bottle Rocko's farts.
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Jan 25, 2022 11:37
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ChunTheUnavoidable posted:unloading canisters labeled “CLOWN GAS” from a dilapidated boat
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Jan 25, 2022 13:38
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No I work for A toymaker not The toymaker. Hoffman Toys. It's pretty good, nice place, they have a box you can put in ideas for toys in, I had an idea for a doll that... what? Jesus mom no they're not going to "murder me to steal my ideas" it just goes toward my bonus and I can win a few days off. This is why I never visit. Christ I'm glad dad custody when he moved away.
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Jan 25, 2022 16:12
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Am I the only one who thought Clayface was wearing some kind o' costume or somethin'? He's uh... he's really a big ol' mud man, huh? You know, back in high school I wanted to work with dolphins. Never had the brains for it but uh... didn't really think this was gonna be my future. Working with a guy what's made of out mud. So that stuff I hosed offa my shoes was uh... that was him. Wild.
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Jan 25, 2022 16:33
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Head Bee Guy posted:you hear something? It's just the rats probably... *gets scrotum punched through own rear end in a top hat by tiny circus performer*
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Jan 25, 2022 16:44
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A Fancy Hat posted:Am I the only one who thought Clayface was wearing some kind o' costume or somethin'? He's uh... he's really a big ol' mud man, huh? No, Tony. He's made outa' clay. Clay. Face. Geeze where does da' boss find dese guys?
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Jan 25, 2022 16:49
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Took a gig driving a truck and didn't ask a lot of questions. Bapman make truck asplode and it was full of fear gas. I live in hopsital now.
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Jan 25, 2022 17:04
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Look, I'm just saying why don't we take our gang of perfect assassins who can kill any world leader on the planet whenever we want, and kill some fossil fuel executives? I know it won't achieve the boss's goal of "curing the planet of the disease of humanity" or whatever, but when I signed up for environmental justice, this isn't what I had in mind. Fine, fine, I'll keep loading explosives into the vat of toxic chemicals buried deep beneath the earth. Sheesh.
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Jan 25, 2022 17:12
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You guys seriously need to look at working for this Captain Stingaree guy. First of all, he pays for our costumes. He's so into the pirate thing that he goes all out. So that's my Halloweens, renaissance festivals, all that stuff taken care of. Plus, 90% of the time, Batman doesn't even bother with us. He's too busy with the big guys, and the cops don't know what to do when you swing in on a rope and start yelling about plunder or whatever.
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Jan 25, 2022 17:40
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Youse guys hurry up and load those barrels of clown gas. This place gives me the creeps.
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Jan 25, 2022 18:12
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So we get to the pottery factory and guess what? Not abandoned. Still making stuff. We ended up just kinda standing around awkward like for a while and then left. Real nice guys though, gave me this mug.
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Jan 25, 2022 18:15
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| # ? Jun 7, 2024 22:26 |
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The Voice of Labor posted:batman should be fighting luthor. Buddy, you don't get it. What SHOULD be don't matter to these types, and ESPECIALLY Luthor. I met 'im when he was having a brief tete a tete with Joker, guy was radiating so much arrogance and ego that I was amazed his head didn't split down the middle because his body needed to form a second dick for all the big dick energy intimidation he was pumping out every second. Never stopped. At 11, the whole time. Superman don't fight Luthor. Luthor fights Superman.
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Jan 25, 2022 18:21
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