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i work from home on fridays (and monday and wednesday and most of the time) so im on the phone alot doing work stuff and then ima ride my bike to get a sammich for lunch =]
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Feb 4, 2022 19:33
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Well I missed my intensive outpatient zoom meeting today but I was expecting that. Time to get back on track! I'm a bit out of it but that's usual anyway. I want to make those muffins today. I might make a smoothie in a bit. Not sure. I have to use that spinach up.
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Feb 4, 2022 20:37
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Pennywise, pick up a loop pedal(with a power supply, gently caress 9v batteries why they still do that poo poo???) and create, bro!
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Feb 4, 2022 20:50
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I used to have one when I was young. It was really cool. Nothing really seems fun to me anymore though so I don't play my guitars. Although I have an Irish tin whistle that I've been wanting to play. I've had a tin whistle tutorial youtube tab open for a few days now, which is something I always do when I want to do something in the near future. Then I don't do it and close the tab. One of these days I'll do it though!
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Feb 4, 2022 20:58
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Man, do I ever understand what you're talking about. Wish I could offer more solutions. I'll tell you what I did do, and kind of fell into, though. My partner's uncle is in a semi local brass band, and their numbers are way down. Well he finally asked me if I'd like to join, they'd supply the baritone and music and stuff. So for the month of December I spent an hour a day relearning to play a brass horn. I hadn't touched a brass instrument in like 12 years, since high school. We practice every tuesday and have a whole rack of concerts this year. Part of what keeps me doing it is I HAVE to be there for rehearsals, and I HAVE to play better than the last time. An outside source is keeping me into it, instead of depending on myself. Also it keeps me away from wife for an hour a day. This is great because, whatever keeps her dissociated and head buried in a book the entirety of her time not working, I can't help her with, and when I try it just makes things way worse. This and my son, and video games keeps me going. PS, anyone in the Akron, OH area looking to break out their horn and be part of The Brass Band of the Western Reserve needs to pm me! Looking for semi dedicated individuals for Tuba, Baritone, second row Coronet, a solo coronet, a second percussionist, a couple Euphoniums. It's pretty laid back and the communication is great. We are non-profit. If you're decent, and I certainly am still getting there, you likely won't need to audition, just show up. Thanks, sorry for hijacking, Penny
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Feb 4, 2022 21:17
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That sounds awesome! Any small traditional Irish bands starting up that need someone who doesn't know how to play a tin whistle?
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Feb 4, 2022 21:21
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I'm eating some kind of orzo lemon chicken soup that my wife made, and I'm getting ready (mentally) to clean the room where I spend most of my time. It's filthy in here. I really need to clean it up and also fix some stuff that I've been meaning to fix for months. There's just so much poo poo One of the reasons I need to clean this place up is it's where my piano and guitar stuff is, and I can't exactly practice if everything is so gross that the only place I can bear to look is this computer screen (on, of course)
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Feb 4, 2022 21:29
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currently: making drawings for a proof of concept at work, all alone in the office w/ doors closed, lights off, music bumping. zen
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Feb 4, 2022 21:34
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I have been working. On my days off or after work I play a rhythm dancing game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcNZQvyrm2Q
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Feb 4, 2022 21:34
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just got home. having a beer. NOT having any weed. I always just feel so aimless and bored when I'm not high. I feel like there's like a few weeks I just need to push through where I'll feel kind of lovely and bored and then maybe I'll find myself with the attention to do things other than play video games. even video games, I just can't bring myself to even start on day 1, even though when I'm high on day N-1 there's so many things I'm like 'yeah! play link to the past finally you idiot' and then on day 1 its like 'the world sucks and I'll never be happy'
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Feb 4, 2022 22:09
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I was drunk the entire afternoon, now I bought vodka to get drunk the entire evening! I got a confirmation that I'm gonna get an offer for a new job so its celebration time!
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Feb 4, 2022 22:10
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day and a half no cigarette i am watching The Tinder Swindler on netflix and trying really hard to not get frustrated with my kids its not their fault im anxious
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Feb 4, 2022 22:11
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Watching LPs on YouTube in a sober brain fog. MH bad this week
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Feb 4, 2022 22:14
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Rode my bike to get a sandwich from this liquor/deli that makes amazing sandwiches. Rode down to the bay to eat on the water. Igonored basically all traffic laws. Only one honk. 
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Feb 4, 2022 22:52
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BONER X posted:day and a half no cigarette i am watching The Tinder Swindler on netflix and trying really hard to not get frustrated with my kids its not their fault im anxious You’re halfway through the really bad part! Then it’s a week and a half of mild cravings and then you’re home free
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Feb 4, 2022 23:06
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watching The Wire clips on youtube and drinking some water, cat chilling next to my desk. Gonna get some pizza later. Pepperoni.
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Feb 4, 2022 23:08
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Working a 16 hour shift then I get off at 11pm and go back in at 7. Reading infinite jest for the first time.
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Feb 4, 2022 23:17
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Fartsucker posted:Working a 16 hour shift then I get off at 11pm and go back in at 7. Reading infinite jest for the first time. that book is on my list. reading American Psycho right now.
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Feb 4, 2022 23:26
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Doc Fission posted:Watching LPs on YouTube in a sober brain fog. MH bad this week go to a jim
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Feb 4, 2022 23:30
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didn't smoke weed yet playing FFXIV
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Feb 4, 2022 23:42
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The Walrus posted:just got home. having a beer. NOT having any weed. I always just feel so aimless and bored when I'm not high. I feel like there's like a few weeks I just need to push through where I'll feel kind of lovely and bored and then maybe I'll find myself with the attention to do things other than play video games. even video games, I just can't bring myself to even start on day 1, even though when I'm high on day N-1 there's so many things I'm like 'yeah! play link to the past finally you idiot' and then on day 1 its like 'the world sucks and I'll never be happy' I took a puff off a one hitter I'd been hitting super regularly last night, but otherwise I've been dialing way back, from a newfound personal goal at work. I started having dreams again. I dreamed my son and I were visiting a friend, entering their garage, hearing some rustling in the corner, and there was this giant orange skink, like 3-4ft in length scuttling around. Telling my son to stay away, I turned away and looked back, and my son is hugging it, face to face. The lizard "gleeked", that thing we can do with out salivary glans, into my kid's face, and he just laughed. That's when I awoke from the best sleep I've had in six months. It wasn't a bad dream, just extremely detailed and intense. I'm a big weed proponent, especially when you don't want to drink as much, like me. But I know for sure, smoking just to deal with work, with people, not think about the issues in you life that need addressed, is just as unhealthy as doing any other drug or behavior to not confront the things in your life that need changed or addressed. What you probably need is therapy, just like me, but it's hard to get right now, let alone finding the right therapist. I still haven't gone far enough, but having control over my life like making the decision to not smoke, or set boundaries with drinking, is highly gratifying. Try a distraction. Try directly replacing what would be bowl or joint time with games with your kid or playing an instrument, watching a movie. Or posting with your friends like me!
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Feb 4, 2022 23:44
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interwhat posted:
such good advice I also need to be reminded of. thanks for the thoughtful post.
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Feb 4, 2022 23:46
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I don't have any friends anymore and I don't have anything else to do so I'd rather eat a double dose weed brownie and just sit around eating too much and replaying games I've finished many times before until I have to go back to work and be sober for two weeks gently caress it lol
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Feb 4, 2022 23:50
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Cosmic Thing posted:that book is on my list. enjoy the part about the cheese lmao
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Feb 4, 2022 23:53
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interwhat posted:I took a puff off a one hitter I'd been hitting super regularly last night, but otherwise I've been dialing way back, from a newfound personal goal at work. I started having dreams again. I dreamed my son and I were visiting a friend, entering their garage, hearing some rustling in the corner, and there was this giant orange skink, like 3-4ft in length scuttling around. Telling my son to stay away, I turned away and looked back, and my son is hugging it, face to face. The lizard "gleeked", that thing we can do with out salivary glans, into my kid's face, and he just laughed. That's when I awoke from the best sleep I've had in six months. It wasn't a bad dream, just extremely detailed and intense. I'm certain that I do need therapy. But I don't think I'm capable of opening up enough to go through the process to be honest. My issue is that there's no 'bowl time' - that was all the time - it was just a means to turn off my brain and not think about the many many things I'm unhappy about, and being sober means I need to confront those things. I really just need to commit to a month of feeling like poo poo and then I think maybe I can start figuring stuff out. Gotta try to keep filling the time. I always write these lists of things I want to do or accomplish when I'm sober that I don't do 'cause I'm too lazy when high, but then in the two hours I sit around before I break and go buy some weed I never do any of those things, because they don't seem appealing, because my seritonin is hosed probably. Thanks for the post friend. I should start going and sitting in the snow every morning to reset my pleasure levels
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Feb 4, 2022 23:56
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The Walrus posted:I'm certain that I do need therapy. But I don't think I'm capable of opening up enough to go through the process to be honest. dude you're not alone man. i know a lot of ppl relate to those feelings. the support is in spirit - stay connected. unfortunately ultimately its up to the individual to get the work done. i support you! 
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Feb 5, 2022 00:00
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AHH F/UGH posted:enjoy the part about the cheese lmao lol. word. will do.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:00
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Cosmic Thing posted:lol. word. will do. you will know exactly what I'm talking about when you read it and you will never forget it. in the future if someone tells you they are reading american psycho, pass on this message. like it was passed on to me.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:02
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AHH F/UGH posted:you will know exactly what I'm talking about when you read it and you will never forget it. haha. ok cool.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:05
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im bret easton ellis and i wrote the cheese part as a funny joke but my editor put it in as a joke, ON ME, but she said on society.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:05
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Back at work again, gonna try for a repeat of yesterday since that worked out.Wifi Toilet posted:I just got to work so I'm going to try to look busy for the next 2 hours until everyone else goes home, then I'll try to do as little as possible for the next 7 hours.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:15
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Bored as hell so I'm just looking at youtube. For some reason this old performance of Unchained Melody has attracted lots of REAX videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0EBs6uRgtw&t=92s
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Feb 5, 2022 00:18
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The Walrus posted:just got home. having a beer. NOT having any weed. I always just feel so aimless and bored when I'm not high. I feel like there's like a few weeks I just need to push through where I'll feel kind of lovely and bored and then maybe I'll find myself with the attention to do things other than play video games. even video games, I just can't bring myself to even start on day 1, even though when I'm high on day N-1 there's so many things I'm like 'yeah! play link to the past finally you idiot' and then on day 1 its like 'the world sucks and I'll never be happy' There's a hella definite psychological and physiological addiction factor to weed and especially if you've been a daily/constant smoker for a long period of time it's a tough mental hurdle to get over. There's a naturally occurring part of the brain called the Endocannabinoid system which produces (of course) endocannabinoids, which appear to regulate or affect many parts of cognition including tolerance to pain, energy levels, mood, memory, control of the body's nausea and vomiting reactions, blood pressure, and appetite, and stress management. Smoking weed provides your brain with a lot of Exocannabinoids, which are esentially jacked-up roided-out Endocannabinoids, which is why smoking weed has the therapeutic and relaxing effects it has - it kicks the system that manages things like mood and stress into overdrive and floods it with feel-good molecules. After doing this 24/7 for a while your brain stops producing its own Endocannabinoids because it doesn't need them, and when you suddenly cease smoking it spends a while screaming at you for cannabinoids before decides to just moonshine it and start brewing its own cannabinoids again. It's been interesting to follow along over the last decade or so because as weed has become legalized in an increasingly large number of places, big business bucks have gone in to optimizing the growing process and breeding strains that are as potent as possible, so now the weed that we have is weed crack for weed crackheads. The DEA measures the THC content of weed they seize, weed seized in the 90s averaged 4% THC, while these days it averages 15% - and that 15% still includes the low-potency homegrown reggies and tire weed. If you're getting your weed from a dispensary you're probably getting closer to 18-24% THC which makes weed today literally 4-6 times as strong as weed your parents smoked in the 60s or that you smoked in the 90s. With the rising potency and the increased access to weed we're seeing the emergence of all kinds of dependency issues that were never understood or acknowledged in the past, such as what you're feeling now. There's also CHS or Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome which seems to be essentially the body arbitrarily deciding to reject THC/cannabinoids out of the blue one day and you begin uncontrollably puking all over everything when you're high, and fun things like that. deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 00:33 on Feb 5, 2022 |
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Feb 5, 2022 00:28
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No one should ever feel bad about having a hard time quitting weed is what I'm saying. It's still not nearly as destructive as other drugs, but the general culture of "it's not addictive!" and making fun of people who say they have a hard time quitting weed is really insidious and pushes anyone struggling with it further into the hole, and it enables people to reach dependence/abuse levels because they think there's nothing wrong with it. The weed we smoke today is nothing like it was 20-30 years ago, it's so much stronger now it fucks up ya brain a bit.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:31
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deep dish peat moss posted:No one should ever feel bad about having a hard time quitting weed is what I'm saying. It's still not nearly as destructive as other drugs, but the general culture of "it's not addictive!" and making fun of people who say they have a hard time quitting weed is really insidious and pushes anyone struggling with it further into the hole, and it enables people to reach dependence/abuse levels because they think there's nothing wrong with it. The weed we smoke today is nothing like it was 20-30 years ago, it's so much stronger now it fucks up ya brain a bit. what about delta 8? we only have that ~legal~ in my state. the thc content in it is less yes? and tho i guess its probable it messes around with your Endocannabinoid system, is it less likely to "gently caress ya brain a bit?"
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Feb 5, 2022 00:33
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I don't know anything about Delta-8 personally but yeah it's less than 1% THC. I don't know enough (no one does) to say it definitively doesn't gently caress ya brain up a bit but if it does I doubt it's from the same effects on the endocannabinoid system that high-potency weed has.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:35
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Cosmic Thing posted:such good advice I also need to be reminded of. thanks for the thoughtful post. anytime, friend! i need the advise also. for whatever reason i can dish out good advice, but don't point it inward. dunno, man
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Feb 5, 2022 00:36
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DDPM, thanks for that, it's a really interesting post that had some info I wasn't aware of. It will help me, I think. Is there any value in tapering, if I'm able to do that? I'm not, at all, when there is flower or vape pens or anything available to me, but I've got a whole bunch of 1:1 thc:cbd distillate that I've had some success in the past with using to get away from the habitual vape-packing aspect and the 'one more hit to get even higher' compulsion. It might be worthwhile for me to do a 2 week taper process on that stuff potentially. I ask because I broke and had a mL of it just now so I'm hoping I can make it a productive first step on the way to quitting rather than yet another failure on my part. I just put it under my tongue and then reconsidered and spit it out though rather than swallowing - so only half broke. Honestly if I can not go buy some weed to inhale, I'll consider it a win I guess. edit: I've smoked every day for about 17 years. only breaks were for usa vacations - went two weeks once but I was FIENDING on the drive back. The Walrus fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Feb 5, 2022 |
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Feb 5, 2022 00:37
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The Walrus posted:I'm certain that I do need therapy. But I don't think I'm capable of opening up enough to go through the process to be honest. I haven't taken the leap into therapy yet either, and it's especially hard now. Also, don't let anyone diminish your brokeness by telling you " LOL WE ALL NEED THERAPY RIGHT NOW THANKS TO COVID LOL AM I RITE" I'll never stop spreading positivity, no matter how much I need to take my own advice! Take care, goons
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Feb 5, 2022 00:38
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interwhat posted:I haven't taken the leap into therapy yet either, and it's especially hard now. Also, don't let anyone diminish your brokeness by telling you " LOL WE ALL NEED THERAPY RIGHT NOW THANKS TO COVID LOL AM I RITE" lol nobody could EVER do that. I know I'm much more broken than most. but also much less broken than many. I've got a shot to get better, I think.
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Feb 5, 2022 00:39
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