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Besides that horrible mouse and elephant story being unfunny, stupid, and possibly the worst example of karma I’ve heard… wtf does any of that even have to do with the first half of the post? 
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Feb 10, 2022 22:50
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.random posted:Besides that horrible mouse and elephant story being unfunny, stupid, and possibly the worst example of karma I’ve heard… wtf does any of that even have to do with the first half of the post? Well, there's at least a common trend: the elephant and the mouse, just like the Hull-C and the Banu Merchantman, only exist in the mind of the commando.
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Feb 10, 2022 22:57
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Blue On Blue posted:LAND CLAIMS These were also funny because it came during an event where some goon with insider knowledge indicated that cig was going to sell land to people. This infuriated the backers, and I believe somebody at cig even said "we'd be dumb to do that, it's never going to happen". And then it did. And not only land claims, but this huge event about how you'd need to hire police protection for your land, and how land could be bombed, and what you'd build on your land with this amazing base building ship... And just as suddenly as it came everybody also stopped talking about it. And in true backer form it was basically one more outrage that just got shut down within a week because backers never change. 
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Feb 10, 2022 23:02
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peter gabriel posted:There is a video where a red cheeked chris is visibly excited by lying about his relationship with Sandi, she is on screen with him. It was an early video and it always freaked me out, you could honestly see his chuffed little fat face getting giddy about bullshitting. It was surreal. And that's probably the core of why this whole thing has gone where it has. Some people have like, a conscience about doing right or wrong. Sometimes people can even be bad for a while, or lie a bit to get ahead. But for a lot of people, lying for an extended period of time, while getting a huge financial benefit from it, is something only some people can do. It happens though, obviously, and some people are super good at it. But that's what it is. The kind of person who can make repeated hour long videos lying to your face with total honesty to the point that maybe even you start to believe they believe themselves, or you can't be sure. CR is great at that. Even in this thread to this day people are all like "and he believes he can do it" and while you may be right, there's also a big side that says you're wrong. He doesn't believe what he says, but he can just flat out turn off his sense of moral direction and just spew off lies with the soul purpose being that he wants your money... is kind of sad. He's built a literal 700 person studio on lies. 0 successes.. lots and lots of lies and misdirection and slight of hand tricks right in front of the world. Honestly it's kind of scary. Because if that were the normal for humanity... I'm not even sure what we would look like today as a world society.
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Feb 10, 2022 23:12
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Since the Banu merchantman is back in the news again and everybody is dying to see it, here is the original Banu Merchantmangirl. Version 1 is censored. If you don't like where it's going, proceed no further.  https://i.imgur.com/IaXJ2A8.jpg For those of you deviants out there who must have more, I guess pm me or something.
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Feb 10, 2022 23:20
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peter gabriel posted:The first time I saw that alien ship, the drawing of it showing the pilot and co pilot going rear end to mouth I seriously laughed my rear end off for about half an hour, oh god it still cracks me up now somebody post the spaceship for sucking and loving in please I can't find it
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Feb 10, 2022 23:31
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"Our opponents are craven, now witness, the horror of this dong wielding plane, yes"
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Feb 10, 2022 23:33
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The Titanic posted:Since the Banu merchantman is back in the news again and everybody is dying to see it, here is the original Banu Merchantmangirl. Is that a dickramp
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Feb 10, 2022 23:34
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The Titanic posted:Since the Banu merchantman is back in the news again and everybody is dying to see it, here is the original Banu Merchantmangirl. I very much do NOT want more but I do require an explanation
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Feb 10, 2022 23:46
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Feb 10, 2022 23:48
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Proof that SQ 404 and star ctisazen have been in development since 1996, and also a glimpse into it being that ling since chris came up with an idea https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3a0HrnwzOg&t=257s
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Feb 11, 2022 00:00
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Rotten Red Rod posted:I very much do NOT want more but I do require an explanation Short answer: art for Love Pledge The Agent should be able to explain Love Pledge if you are still bemused 
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Feb 11, 2022 00:05
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The Titanic posted:These were also funny because it came during an event where some goon with insider knowledge indicated that cig was going to sell land to people. CIG never lies, they never sold land! - they sold Land 'Claims' - that's totally, totally different from selling land. FUD, like you are spreading is hurting CIG feelings and you are a big meanie and the reason why backers can't have nice things. #buyinganotheridris
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Feb 11, 2022 01:09
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Kosumo posted:CIG never lies, they never sold land! - they sold Land 'Claims' - that's totally, totally different from selling land. I remember the mental gymnastics at the time and they were incredible. "actually GI¬G are not selling land, they are selling land claims" was the only way: redit could still be right fudsters could be wrong CI¬G could be blameless It was seriously hilarious, all they had to do was say 'wtf CI¬G?' but they were absolutely incapable of that
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Feb 11, 2022 01:19
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idea for star citizen: double up on land sales and force them to also buy mineral rights
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Feb 11, 2022 01:29
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Jonny Shiloh posted:I'm sure CIG has a plan for that - if all the ladies between the ages of 21 and 30 in the greater Los Angeles area could form an orderly queue please, just pop your clothes on the chair over there and my assistant with the fancy camera will be with you all shortly when he gets back from his seventeenth bathroom break of the morning... You could probably google and buy 3D assets and it'd probably be more pleasing to look at than doing a full nude bodyscan of a real woman. Also how do these people sleep at night.
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Feb 11, 2022 02:49
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peter gabriel posted:I remember the mental gymnastics at the time and they were incredible. reminder: that weasley little con-man in training named Tyler, he was the one running the narrative during the build up to land claim sales At the very least CIG will have produced some REALLY talented corporate swindlers when this is all over Imagine the type of company that could use people like Jared, Tyle, et al
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Feb 11, 2022 03:16
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no_recall posted:You could probably google and buy 3D assets and it'd probably be more pleasing to look at than doing a full nude bodyscan of a real woman. “2 turkeys strapped to chest” “-pink hair -tiktok -fat” “XL exhaust port”
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Feb 11, 2022 03:19
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The Titanic posted:Since the Banu merchantman is back in the news again and everybody is dying to see it, here is the original Banu Merchantmangirl. 84 views 85 views oh my
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Feb 11, 2022 03:40
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tbqh there's probably value in creating a easy-to-read and shareable timeline of bizarre star citizen poo poo
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Feb 11, 2022 04:15
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peter gabriel posted:I remember the mental gymnastics at the time and they were incredible. You may call them "Land Claims", CIG calls them "Land Pledges". 
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Feb 11, 2022 04:33
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https://thumbs.gfycat.com/ReasonableHealthyAnaconda-mobile.mp4
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Feb 11, 2022 05:14
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Blue On Blue posted:84 views I viewed it twice because i couldnt quite believe it the first time
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Feb 11, 2022 05:40
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.random posted:Why do you think Sony would buy Firesprite? Obviously to get an in with Star Citizen. If that were true, would it be the worst decision Sony ever made? Or just a solid contender for the worst decision they ever made?
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Feb 11, 2022 05:42
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what the hell does that story even have to do with the banu ships being confident or whatever
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Feb 11, 2022 05:49
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There will be repercussions for this.
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Feb 11, 2022 06:08
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TheAgent posted:I'm not sure what you mean though. No u.
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Feb 11, 2022 08:05
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I only remember that In the last 500 years, the Fourth Stimpire has dominated four systems, which it has united into one starzone, Stimsis. The Fourth Stimpire has origins from the Ten Empire War in which 10 of the United Stimpires revolted against each rules. All empires except for the fourth swore freedom upon their citizens. There is no free speech in the Fourth Stimpire, and all self-controlled transportation has been made illegal without undergoing painful medical verification methods, in which arteries are severed without pain resistant, operated entirely by machines. The way they work claim to be the most hygenic and healthy way possible, but these machines often rub against pain points, causing great deals of pain to patients. The heart is then extracted from the body and placed into a glass grinding machine. Various energy centers are also dissected and replaced with dangerous transplants. After the painful, 52 hour surgical procedure, patients will then have to use a fused guidance tool, which pumps painful resistors into the body every 2 hours. The pain they have caused is so bad, the victim would freeze in a tense position. They would then collapse afterwards. Sexual stimulation in any way within the grounds of the Fourth Stimpire is strictly prohibited, and anyone detected even touching their sexual organs will be subjected to a penectomy or if the offender was a female, they would then have a razor inserted into their ovaries. They would pump a blue solution into the womb until the stitchings burst. Offenders would also be forced to show their operated areas in public, and they would always harass and punch them to a pulp, against their will. Otherwise, offenders would be tazed with the worst type of electricity in the systematic district, causing so much pain, the victim would scream and flail in madness. The pain would also triple every second, but no death would be incurred. This is also used in combat against enemy units, which is why all UEE forces must wear the upgraded suit to block this effect. However, enertainment is also questionable in UEE grounds. Sporting events end with the losing team being rounded into a grinder and shredded on live television, boxing matches end with the loser having their hands removed without anasthesia, flight races would end with the losers having their arms and legs removed, then being injected with insanity, for entertainment. People are also forced into these events, by undergoing a painful 127 hour procedure which involves tweaking the muscles so they will not listen to brain commands, and then having a painful drug injected which also causes madness if the player is not sporting. This is all for entertainment, and anyone not watching any of it during sporting times and cheering for the winning team, they will be imprisoned into galactic camps. Snuff films are also broadcast, and actors are actually murdered just for entertainment. Stealth droids also guide these forced actors into behaving exactly as the director dreams, otherwise they will be punished by being placed into a macerator and having their execution written into the film. Any film that does not feature someone being murdered will be burned and the entire crew behind it will be executed in the most grotesque way possible - vivisection. All executions are broadcast, and anyone who misses even a millisecond, even by blinking, will be executed. All citizens must boo to the person being executed, and the family is gathered to be injected with eternators, which cause pain forever, making them immoral but feeling the pain tenfold every millisecond. They cannot pass out, but they will feel like it forever. Conquests by this Stimpire end in the planet being razed, and all the citizens being executed in the same way as their citizens are. The planet is then destroyed and all remnants of it are removed, and any memories of it will be erased instantly from civil minds. People who are also killed are also erased from memories, and all memories of them, including toys and pictures, are destroyed. Prisoners undergo 40,000 years of relentless and endless labor, and anyone not complying is sentenced to the eternator injection. All prisoners injected with eternators are placed into capsules and launched into far space, then the room is closed tight to ensure maximum insanity. Some prisoners are also subjected to the removal of blood, the lungs, the liver, the genitals, the skeleton, the muscles, the eyes, and even the injection of pressure. Prisoners sentenced to pressure chambers are locked in until they are inflated to a high level. The decompression is then stopped to make sure they are inflated and uncomfortable. Children born on the 14th of July are subjected to the removal of their skeleton and an implant of a silver liquid to replace it. The nervous sysem is also injected in various parts to ensure it is five times more sensitive than the average. Restaurants also are ordered to serve civil meat, and anyone attending must give themself up to be cooked into a grotesque meal. They are cooked alive, undergoing extreme pain, and are then subjected to industrial grinders and blenders. The Stimpire orders at least 1 million citizens to be dispatched every day, as they are afraid the population may overthrow them. But only one planet is cared for, and the rest are banned from eating, drinking, talking, using technology, touching anyone, wearing unauthorized clothes, touching buildings, or walking a centimeter out of designated routes. Civil enforcers are on every planet, and they are engineered so that they are 40 times larger than the 300 quadrillion population. At least 7 billion die every 12 hours under this rule. Thoughts are also surveyed, and anyone who does not think anything to loving the Stimpire with more than their capabilities will be sentenced to a prison. Prisoners who are punished for this violation will meet their greatest fear, only to have it amplified so they will turn insane as they imagine it exactly as they fear it. They then undergo a painful extraction of all fluids, to be replaced by a toxin which causes permanent irritation. The unknown substance keeps the subject aging normally, except they will never die. Prisoners punished in this way are unable to be reverted, despite many efforts, and they will never be able to be disposed. The sickening truths have been revealed only today, and invigilation teams are still investigating the truths without setting foot in the galactic space of this sickening empire. Dr.Smasher fucked around with this message at 08:26 on Feb 11, 2022 |
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Feb 11, 2022 08:23
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Mirificus posted:
This This is what I'm talking about when I mention the game community's three-levels deep fantasy crafting about a game that does not exist. He's positing the value of a pair of ships costing over a thousand to "own" that not only Lv. 1. Do not exist to be played, But also Lv. 2. Each separately function based on gameplay that is not even remotely implemented AND Lv. 3. Have no proposed gameplay mechanisms which even remotely interface with any of the game systems they took a decade to build. But he'll be right there constantly talking up the assured "value" of the proposed ship's proposed function with a proposed interactivity with the game, none of which exists on any level yet.
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Feb 11, 2022 08:33
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I should mention just for the sake of academic rigor that it is entirely fair to subscribe to a competing typology of Fantasy Star Citizen Delusion Levels that instead holds that that's not three but rather four levels deep, with level 1's layer consisting of "and by the way the game doesn't exist"
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Feb 11, 2022 08:36
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Kosumo posted:CIG never lies, they never sold land! - they sold Land 'Claims' - that's totally, totally different from selling land. Hey, so you don't get to buy virtual land, but a unique digital number which links to a piece of virtual land? Sounds like someone should expand on that concept...
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Feb 11, 2022 10:20
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FishMcCool posted:Hey, so you don't get to buy virtual land, but a unique digital number which links to a piece of virtual land? Sounds like someone should expand on that concept... Nonono. Darn fudster. It's a unique digital number which links to the option of a piece of virtual land. Don't come here with your silly false equivalences. 
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Feb 11, 2022 10:26
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This is way back in the thread but:staberind posted:Brataccas. on the ST was amusing, one of the first times I saw a game glitch but not actually crash. the Brataccas is the final form of "Bandersnatch", the game that inspired that Netflix Black Mirror interactive thingy. It was a game originally being developed by Imagine software for the ZX Spectrum, which (for anyone who doesn't know) was a relatively underpowered 8 bit machine popular in the UK. (At that point the Spec maxed out at 48k.) It was way too big for the Spectrum as it was and they were claiming it would ship with hardware to expand the machine's capabilities, thus making it a pricey megagame, but Imagine were dramatically overspending on everything and went out of business before the project got anywhere near completion. Psygnosis published Brataccas based on the work that had been done, and it's telling that it had to be on the 16-bit computers.
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Feb 11, 2022 10:35
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TheAgent posted:I'm not sure what you mean though. The rant of an idrisless man.
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Feb 11, 2022 11:00
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I bought this game in 2016 (and after reading this thread, this appeared to have been part of the referral pyramid scheme) to play with a friend who has been following its "development" since the Kickstarter. I played it for a bit back then and remember thinking: "gently caress this, I'll check again after a couple of years" and took the loss. After reading this thread I decided to install it two days ago, just to see how far along it is. "Surely it is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It's probably more of a running joke, but there is probably some viable product behind all the making fun of the game's development". Rarely did I know that Mr Robber was about to also put his thumb in. I tried to install the game and for some reason I couldn't install it on my NVMe SSD in combination with Windows 11. Okay sure, I'll install on a slower SSD and I guess Windows 11 is a new OS so whatever. After 4 hours of learning all this and getting the game to work I was ready to fly some awesome spaceships, err ship. As I woke up in my hotel room and explored my ghost hotel, the game was almost unplayable due to do the low fps on my 1080 ti. But this is a super state-of-the-art game that probably requires a 3080, so it really is on me and I removed some graphical features. Then I tried to find my spaceship and got a little lost in the "city". This was horrifying, everything felt empty and whatever NPC's I did meet were on some kind of weird pathing that I swear they were told to just move on because I was approaching and they paniced and moved randomly, or they were standing still as guards standing in a dark corner behind a door. I felt like waking up as Rick in The Walking Dead (when I thought it was worth watchingin Season 1), but instead of zombies there were, well zombies. And this terrible TWD reference is still overselling it, because you cannot interact with anything but doors and information panels that just read the information that is written on them aloud. During this walkabout to find my spaceship I found some sort of ingame shop that advertises more spaceships, surely their nice lady behind the counter can tell me where to find my already bought ship. I browsed through ingame menus and couldn't for the life of me figure out how to talk to her, or if I even could talk to her. It was at this point I jumped over a railing to see how I would get punished for killing myself. I woke up in a hospital, by what seemed a functioning NPC telling me I had been hurt by my 400 foot fall unto concrete. Just remember to take your meds and all will be fine. I entered the elevator from the 6th floor after checking out all the mute octuplets working at the different hospital departments and I went to search for my ship again. It turned out I had to go to the spaceport of course, silly me. With some sort of unmanned shuttle, I was underway. At this point I was craving for any form of contact like with the nice hospital lady, so I rejoiced when the invisible shuttle lady warned me of the closing doors I was trying so desperately to kill myself with again, sadly I never got to see her. The doors failing me, at least and at last, I arrived at the spaceport. After arriving at the spaceport hangar no. 6 there were two NPC mechanics in my spaceport hangar. One had an upper body that spun around every 2 seconds and the other had her neck folded backwards and her arms spread out in what I can only assume was some cult where you hold hands, mechanic together and learn how to fold your neck backwards. There it was, my ship, the mustang alpha. I fooled around with the ladder animation and open and closed the canopy to delay the inevitable entering which I hope would not disappoint. After fighting around with the controls and learning how to contact landing services to not-land I finally flew out of the hangar over the majestic unfilled city that I will have nightmares about. I would have loved to have traveled to another one of the three planets in the system, but I apparently chose the wrong starter city. My city has such a thick atmosphere that you have to spend 20 minutes to fly out of it and then you can jump. At this point I have uninstalled the game again and I have crossed one of the games that I still need to play off my list. If I squint my eyes while playing, I can kind of see what they wanted to try. I just let my imagination fill in the gaps and dream about what could've been. I will just look up the specifications of the spaceships on the wiki and watch youtube videos on whether or not this game is a game. The extra gratification of buying a $1000 ship is lost on me, it seems to me it is only the dollar amount on the invoice is what you get for it. The people trying to unload all their bought jpegs on a certain other forum truly scares me, including people who didn't have this money to spare, as is apparent from their short desparate descriptions trying to make their sale. I hope Microsoft buys this game soon.
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Feb 11, 2022 12:18
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Mirificus posted:
This is so incredibly stupid that I feel more stupid for having read it. First of all -- this is the first contact? They didn't notice each other from light-years away, didn't set up a scientific or military mission, didn't send out messages to arrange a meeting... They just met each other by chance? Grade A fidelity gents. I'll give a pass to the Banu Protectorate stuff, even though that's typical poo poo worldbuilding where a whole planet (or worse, multiple planets) are all somehow united in a perfectly unified and monocultural bloc. Dude on the run going to a (supposedly) empty planet is dumb, but I'm willing to play along. Let's say it's a gravity assist or something. People shooting at an unknown vessel is probably the most likely part of this whole story. By far. Although it's hyperdumb that this criminal Banu's reaction is to just twiddle his thumbs. This is an unknown vessel approaching him, even worse, firing on him... How the hell does he know the shield will work? Even if the shield works this time, perhaps there's a second, stronger weapon? A surface-to-orbit weapon? The vessel will just crash into him? The only way this makes sense of knowledge of 'earthling' capabilities is hyper-detailed and so widespread even a criminal on the run knows it. Which is even more dumb, because unless they have some magical observation tech, it's pretty much inconceivable that they know the level of risk these weapons represent without having established first contact! And then we reach the moment where any pretence of fidelity just vanishes, logic is abandoned and any semblance of this being anything more than a child's story (minus mouse-on-elephant coitus) is dropped: the Banu waits for the 'earthling' to give up and makes a radio call. This is just layer upon layer of stupid, showing complete lack of understanding of every single aspect involved. They don't speak the same language; there is no chance for their radios to have the same encryption protocols; and it's a world-breaking 'coincidence' if they even share the same frequency ranges; it's even a stretch to understand what he wants to communicate about (and why he knows that the human hasn't contacted the Banu Protectorate Border Guard to pick him up)... Genius visionary Christopher 'Hairy' Roberts, everyone. Nothing is released until fully fidelitious and up to his exacting standards. Shazback fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Feb 11, 2022 |
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Feb 11, 2022 13:08
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With all the words in this thread I'm sure the roadmap is extra sealed away now. All that undue stress on the devs.  Y'all just need to stop posting and start buying space ships. That's how it's supposed to be.
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Feb 11, 2022 14:32
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The Titanic posted:There is none where boobs need to be captured for motion capture. Amazingly CR came to the same conclusion just before he let his wife prance around topless on youtube... seams proximity to a female must influence his technical expertise... Or maybe he and the team had already done enough "research" on the first
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Feb 11, 2022 14:44
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Shazback posted:People shooting at an unknown vessel is probably the most likely part of this whole story. By far. Although it's hyperdumb that this criminal Banu's reaction is to just twiddle his thumbs. This is an unknown vessel approaching him, even worse, firing on him... How the hell does he know the shield will work? Even if the shield works this time, perhaps there's a second, stronger weapon? A surface-to-orbit weapon? The vessel will just crash into him? The only way this makes sense of knowledge of 'earthling' capabilities is hyper-detailed and so widespread even a criminal on the run knows it. Which is even more dumb, because unless they have some magical observation tech, it's pretty much inconceivable that they know the level of risk these weapons represent without having established first contact! A first-contact story that hinges entirely on this not being the first contact between the two species seems entirely in line with CRobber logic. I don't see the problem.
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Feb 11, 2022 14:51
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TheAgent posted:I'm not sure what you mean though. Just need to add a few rants demanding some media outlet get sued into oblivion, butt hurt snow flakes tags on the support tickets, trying to price citizen con like BlizzCon, the backers will never know I'm flying business, the no public hair police policy and selling 3.0 as weeks away. Running out of potatoes at a super expensive dinner should also feature.
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Feb 11, 2022 14:54
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