r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

edgeman83: Jul 13, 2003

Hughlander posted:

Love all these manchildren who try to compete with the dead.

I kind of understand being privately a bit hurt by knowing your girlfriend/wife would drop you in a second if her dead partner came back, but for gently caress's sake keep it all in your head.

Edit: New page tax:
AITA for hiding my son from my boyfriend?

quote:

Me and this guy (35F and 23M) had been dating for almost a year now. I didn't tell him that I had a 9 year old son at first, because I thought it might be a turn off initially, and that he might feel burdened because he'd feel he had some kind of responsibility he wasn't ready for. He's still really young, and I didn't want him to think I'd expect him to be some kind of father figure immediately. Of course I wasn't going to keep this from him for much longer, I'd actually considered telling him already but it just never seemed like it was the right moment. I was able to keep it from him because my son mostly lives with his dad, and I was able to coordinate the time I spend with him without it clashing with when I see my boyfriend. We usually prefer to go out, but when he does come over I try to hide all traces of my son, which I know seems very over the top but again, I was going to tell him when the time was right.

He ended up finding out when I had taken a nap on his couch and I left my phone on the coffee table. He saw a text from my ex that asked if I could pick our son up from his grandparent's house instead of him driving him to my place. He thought at first that it was my brother asking me to pick up my nephew (he has the same name as my ex), and just casually told me that my brother had texted me. I told him that it was actually my son and he was understandably shocked. He didn't seem too happy that I had kept it from him. I told him I waited a bit to tell him because I didn't want him to feel pressure, and that I was going to tell him soon anyway. I also don't think one year is that long for a relationship, and that there are bound to be things that we still don't know about each other.

Is it really that bad that I waited a bit before telling him about my son?

edgeman83 fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Feb 16, 2022

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 23:41

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Hughlander posted:

AITA for visiting my late husband�s grave on Valentines Day

Love all these manchildren who try to compete with the dead.

I forget if it was like a study or an observation by a goon who worked with abuse victims, but someone said a couple threads back that three years is how long anyone can keep a lid on being poo poo, and then the mask comes off. Often shorter, but never longer.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:44

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for shutting down my bf with something he hates being reminded of?

What a baby. :10bux:

says he was trying to financialy abuse her and when she brought up comparing bills he was so excited because he thought he had her right where he wants her to really ramp up the negging. Instead it blew up in his face and now he feels utterally emasculated because a female proved him wrong.

Even if I'm wrong she needs to dump him because I doubt there's any coming back from this.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:48

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

edgeman83 posted:

AITA for hiding my son from my boyfriend?

"I mean, what's a single year, really, anyway? Not even 10% of the age gap in our relationship, smh"

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:50

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for shutting down my bf with something he hates being reminded of?

If either person in a relationship is downright disdainful of the other, it's better to just end it. Much less both. :sever:

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:51

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

hazardousmouse posted:

There's no pain when someone's poking around in your brain

I was commenting on them trying to put an IV in by just jamming a needle in the patients arm and wiggling it around until they find a vein to put it in... Instead of you know asking a nurse who has done it a thousand times.

This actually came up a lot with my wife when she was undergoing cancer treatment, she has great veins but good lord some people just suck at IVs and after one horrific session before surgery she ended up just stopping by the ER to have one of her co workers put one in before she went up for procedure.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 20:52

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he wants me to dress and present a certain way, he needs to pay for my clothes and hair and nails and time?

quote:

I'm a woman in a career feild which really doesn't care about appearances.

My boyfriend is in a job where looks matter more, investment banking. He wears suits and has to present himself as more wealthy to look good at work.

My boyfriend wanted me to come to some work events, dinners or happy hours.

But he said that it was something we'd need to dress up for. I offered to wear some nice dresses I have and he said that it was more than that, his coworkers wives and girlfriends wore designer and had professionally done hair and nails. And that it really was just what was needed to succeed in his workplace so he considered it a professional expense.

I said that made sense for himself but I'm not responsible for his professional expenses

He agreed to pay for the clothes and salon appointments and I also asked him to compensate me for my time getting "presentable" for those events. Additionally, if he wanted me to act a certain way during these events which was different than my usual behavior at a social event, it should be treated like work, I'd expect to be paid for my time.

He thought that was unfair, saying that it was weird to charge my boyfriend to attend an event with him. I said that if I'm not attending as myself, but instead presenting an image for business development purposes, that's not socializing, that's labor.

He agreed to that at the end, and we came up with a list of things I'd need to attend an event with him... Designer dress, designer heels, jewelry, hair done, nails done, makeup done, handbag... He picked out the dress heels and bag, and he asked me to find salons to have my hair, nails, and makeup done.

When I told him how much the cosmetics appointments and the time I spent on them cost he was upset it was $700. And adding that to the clothes he bought and the time we'd be at the event, it was coming to almost $2000.

We went and I played the part, it was uneventful. Nobody paid me much attention. Felt like a bit of a waste but whatevs.

But afterwards when I mentioned that I wanted to borrow his card to make an appointment to get the nails removed, since I needed them filed down by a professional before work, he got frustrated with me. Saying that I was milking him for money and I was only with him for money. I told him that I make the same as he does.

He got pissed and said that most girls know how to dress themselves and do their own makeup nice, and I got so frustrated I said sarcastically "go date most girls then, I'm sure 'most girls' would looove being treated like a human dressup doll!"

He got really mad about that and I feel frustrated too, like he expects me to do poo poo unpaid for his work! Like I would never ask him to do poo poo for my job, let alone do my job unpaid!

AITA for wanting to be paid if my labor was going towards my boyfriends career?

Edit because there are a lot of questions about why I thought it was justified to ask for compensation for my time...

The hair and makeup and nails and tailoring appointments took about 10 hours. I had to take a full day off work, and since I am a consultant who bills hourly I was losing a day's wages to perform tasks my boyfriend wanted to benefit his career. If I ever asked my boyfriend to lose wages at his job to perform tasks for my job, I'd think it would be fair to pay him for his work too.

I'm always happy to attend social events and be polite, friendly, and talk to people and get to know them. For free. But this wasn't what he was asking of me, he wanted me to act. To not speak of my actual hobbies or career and to give the impression that I am a stay at home partner. To claim to ski... I have no idea how to ski! To only order "classy" drinks and none of the drinks I actually drink. That doesn't strike me as going to an event as a partner, that strikes me as going to an event as an actress or performer. Which is a whole job!

Edit 2

I also find it very strange how feminine labor is undervalued. He said that he needed me to do something for him to support his career because his bosses expect it of me.

If this was any other kinda work, it would be absurd to do it unpaid. Like if he said "Hey my boss needs a truck loaded, and everyone knows that's what the girlfriends do... Can you come by and load the truck? Also you'll need to bring your own forklift" ABSURD!

If he asked me "Hey, my boss heard you're an engineering consultant and wants you to evaluate this software architecture... And he expects it for free because that's what girlfriends are for!" That's absurd! I'd be sending my rates.

So why is it acceptable to say 'Hey, my workplace expects me to bring a woman to play a very specific role, you will need to do 10 hours of preparation tasks for free for the benefit of my career. And you should cover the cost of parts and labor?" I wish that was considered equally absurd... But it's almost like women's work and hospitality is an undervalued form of labor??? Hmm.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:04

Yorkshire Pudding: Nov 24, 2006

limp_cheese posted:

What a baby. says he was trying to financialy abuse her and when she brought up comparing bills he was so excited because he thought he had her right where he wants her to really ramp up the negging. Instead it blew up in his face and now he feels utterally emasculated because a female proved him wrong.

Even if I'm wrong she needs to dump him because I doubt there's any coming back from this.

Dude seems like a douche but also there�s always buried leads in these things. Typically it�s the dude who is a dick in these stories but sometimes poo poo gets revealed in the comments, like the OP accidentally revealing �well BF actually makes 150k to my 50k and puts most of it into a savings after he pays all the utilities and is footing the bill for my student loans, as well as saving for a house for us to move into�.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:06

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend that if he wants me to dress and present a certain way, he needs to pay for my clothes and hair and nails and time?

Boyfriend wanted to go to the work event with a high end escort, not a girlfriend, so it only seems fair he pays high end escort prices.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:11

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

Saw this opinion article on Reddit, clicked idly and quickly realised it's has some thread tropes:

Spoiler alert: a NY Times columnist is a terrible person and justifies it in stereotypical ways.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/11/opinion/my-husband-and-i-dont-speak-the-same-love-language.html posted:

Ms. Taddeo is the author of �Three Women.�

I hadn�t heard about the love languages until it was too late, until I was married to someone who didn�t speak mine.

There are five of them � the five languages of love. I say that as though they exist somewhere out there in the ether, as though they have always been. But in fact it has been only 30 years. In 1992, Gary Chapman, a pastor and radio host in North Carolina, published �The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate� with a small religious press. Over 20 million copies were sold, and the book was translated into 50 languages and made its way into the hearts and minds of laypeople and clinicians and Oprah. It has been on the New York Times best-seller list for more than a decade.

Dr. Chapman believes that most people give and receive love in these ways:

Words of affirmation. Complimenting. �I didn�t think you needed help with the USB cable because you�re so smart.�

Quality time. You want your husband to watch everything you want to watch with you, and you expect him to know which things you would never watch and those are the things he can watch by himself.

Receiving gifts. This can sound materialistic and less noble a language. But it�s just another way of feeling loved or known.

Acts of service. That means you want your husband to show his love by, for example, taking out the trash and disposing of the dead Christmas tree and building the bench and wiping the exoskeletons of ladybugs from the top of the light fixture.

Touch. I have found this one is a favorite among men.

I first heard of the languages from a friend, Emily, when she was several years into her relationship and I was in the honeymoon phase of mine. I remember thinking, oh, the astrology of the love world. Interesting. Cut to a decade later and now here I am, wondering if this Gary Chapman, who has been married to his wife for more than 60 years, holds the secret to my feeling loved in the way I need to.

Dr. Chapman writes mainly for Christian, heterosexual couples. In all of his �Love Languages� spinoffs (including �The 5 Love Languages Military Edition,� �God Speaks Your Love Language� and �The 5 Love Languages for Men�) he doesn�t talk much about the particular issues that might come up for queer or interracial couples. In one of his parenting books, Dr. Chapman says that parents may feel �shock and deep hurt� upon learning that their child is gay, but encourages them to �spend time with them, communicate with them, and demonstrate our love for them, even though we do not approve of their lifestyle.� He claims that the country�s divorce rate is so high because couples� �emotional love tank� is �empty,� which means, as the journalist Ruth Graham wrote in Slate in 2015, that �he almost completely ignores the economic and political forces that act on families.�

But even taking these major gaps in Dr. Chapman�s philosophy into account, it is, simply, not a dismissible one. What he noticed is that love is not one thing. You may give and receive love in different ways, and in ways that are different from your partner�s. �In a marriage, almost never do a husband and wife have the same language,� Dr. Chapman said. �The key is we have to learn to speak the language of the other person.�

I asked my husband � I�ll call him Jackson, because that�s his name � to take the quiz at the back of the book with me so that we could figure out what our love languages were. He was kind of lackluster about it. But we took the quiz and �discovered� that his love language is physical touch. (I speak the language of touch, too, but sometimes I forget how to speak it when someone forgets where the hamper is.)

Mine is acts of service. I need acts of service. It is not merely my language; it is also my protein. My husband and I both work all the time and we have a boundary-less 6-year-old who has not stopped talking or thinking or winking while holding a battery to her lips since she was 2 years old. There is a lot that has to be done, and I often ask him to do it: Fix the kitchen light, clear the ladybug exoskeletons from the high fixtures, throw away the Christmas tree that is frozen in time outside by the firepit, help me write a script for our show at midnight, explain to me how to use a USB cord like I�m from the past � in fact do anything that has to do with time and me. I feel loved when he does those things, but mostly he doesn�t do them. I told him this.

He said, �My whole life is an act of service to you.�

I pointed to the Christmas tree outside, lying on its browning side on the snow-covered patio. It�s cruel to the tree, to the notion of Christmas, to the idea of loving partnerships. Or so I told him.

Women are not always comfortable saying what we want from our partners. We�ve been conditioned that it�s akin to nagging. Dr. Chapman�s framework gives people who find it hard to ask for what they need a language in which to make requests.

I thought I didn�t have a problem making requests. I thought I was really very good at it. But it turns out I�m not.

Say I want to convince Jackson that it�s not safe for our daughter to ride the ski lift by herself. I somehow cannot bring myself to say, �I�m scared, and I don�t want her to go on the lift alone, even though you ski with her often and it is your observed and considered opinion that she is ready.� I understand my fears are not rational, and I know he doesn�t go in for irrationality.

So instead I make up evidence because he respects studies and publications. I often say, �Oh, well yes, they published a study in The Times.� In this case I say there was a study I read, in The Times, about the psychological effects on children ages 5 to 8 of riding ski lifts alone. �They found,� I say, �that it has caused feelings of ��

And here I pause, not dramatically but not casually either, and wait for him to look up � his ears, his eyes, everything ready and willing and open.

�Abandonment,� I whisper. That�s one of his buzzwords.

I add caveats so that it doesn�t look as if I�m lying. �But,� I say, �this was back in 2009, which means of course and naturally things must have changed. Maybe now there are no effects. Like, you know, because of the pandemic.�

But that nonexistent 2009 article will stick in his head. He won�t let her go up alone. I will be happy because I will have gotten my way. I will feel safe.

I am aware that I want to be able to just say, Don�t put her on the lift alone because it scares me. I am aware that I want to be married to my mother. I am aware I am not always or even often in the right. But I am aware that I do not care.

I think this is a feminist perspective?

What I mean is: Sometimes I feel as if, these days, for women, the love language should be getting whatever you want. In heterosexual relationships, women have performed acts of service for hundreds of years. It is time for men to perform more acts. It is time for men to listen.

I think I�m really just very angry. About the years of no suffrage, the rapes and beatings and the come-ons, both antagonistic and self-pitying, the tree thing, the lift thing. Someone � I�ll call him Jackson � said, �You can�t justifiably punish me for the sins of all men.�

I spoke to the clinical psychologist Orna Guralnik, star of the docuseries �Couples Therapy,� and she told me that of all the books on love and relationships, Dr. Chapman�s has had one of the most profound impacts both on her patients and on the culture at large. She thinks that�s because even if you don�t necessarily agree with the breakdown of the love languages, �the idea that people are different cues you into the difference between you and your partner. Your partner�s difference should be something that makes you curious rather than combative.�

I considered this. It reminded me of something I heard when I was researching my book, �Three Women.� Lina, one of the three, said to me: �It is not all my husband�s fault. � You are only hearing my story. I�m sure if you heard his story, you would think, Oh, maybe he�s not so bad. Maybe it�s all her.�

Maybe it�s all me. My ideal of a love story is I want Jackson to be my father. I want him to be my mother. I want him to be Bruce Springsteen. I want him to be perfect.

So you see, I am not perfect.

I have OCD. I think that if I don�t give my daughter one of her special animals before she leaves in the morning, a terrible accident will befall her. If Jackson picks her up from school and they don�t come straight home and he hasn�t told me about the change of plan, I will casually call a few hundred times. I will send gently nudging text messages like �I�m calling the police.�

I�m not simply unhinged. I�m partly unhinged, but mostly I�ve been traumatized. In short: I lost much of my family in my 20s, including both of my parents � car crash, cancer � then spent many years living so utterly alone with my fears and pains. I planned and paid for a trip to South America with a friend but bailed the night before because I was sure a lingering headache was a brain tumor. As a consolation prize, I went to get a massage and while the aesthetician was trying to relax me, I was feeling my breasts for lumps and found something and jumped off the table and went to the emergency room.

Another time, I was eating alone at the bar of a nice restaurant in downtown Manhattan, and I swallowed a bad clam. The most stereotypical, most clich� of bad clams. The mouth-feel had that punishing sensation of rot � that punishment I believe that omnivores like myself must bear without complaint. And this regular old bad clam caused the expected chain of events in the annals of bad clammery. Even though it was logical to assume I had food poisoning, I was instead quite sure it was the stomach cancer that got my mother�s mother � not yet the lung cancer that got my mother � so when I got home I left my apartment door open so that if I died, they would find me easily. I wouldn�t stink up the place for too long.

In those deep-sea years of febrile hypochondria and grief, I spent my days and nights walking the whole of Manhattan, exploring the farthest, flattest corners of Battery Park, City Hall, inglorious waterfronts, looking for nothing that reminded me of anything I�d loved and lost.

Then I found love. But I was sure I�d lose something again. I got pregnant. I had a miscarriage. Ha! I was right!

After getting pregnant a second time, I went in for an ultrasound because I had been having some pain. The doctor told me I had a lesion on my pancreas that �didn�t look good.� It ended up being a mistake, but it took nearly eight months to be corrected. For eight months, as I carried new life in me, I lived as though I were going to die. I was going to leave my new child as my parents had left me. Nothing can erase the death plans I made. Not even my husband�s daily reminders that I am alive, and safe, at least in this moment. My fear rules me. I am married to my fear. I am intimate every night with my fear.

And so. Perhaps my husband is right.

�My entire life is an act of service to you,� he says. �I have reorganized my desires around your fear.�

Cody Kommers, an Oxford Ph.D. student, writes in Psychology Today that �your primary love language is not only the most direct way to make you feel loved. It is also your biggest vulnerability. It�s where you are most exposed for someone to hurt you.� Ah so. Perhaps when I say I want acts of service, what I really mean is that I want Jackson to show me: I am here for you. I am not going anywhere. Nothing else will ever happen to anyone you love. You will not die before your child is ready for you to leave her. You will have one of those long, blessedly insipid lives, and one day I may even do something on time.

Jackson is a good husband and a great father. I understand he might be right when he says, �Everything I do, it�s never enough.� Perhaps I should touch him more. Perhaps I should fill up his love tank, instead of waiting for him to source the very rare kind of diesel that mine requires. I must accept that my real love language is soothing my fear, and I may never get what I want in that mien.

But in the meantime, there are other acts of service that need doing. I happen to know that my husband won�t believe something is real or right until it�s published in The Times.

And so.

It would make me feel deeply loved if the Christmas tree were not there in the morning.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:13

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

Hold up. Is your mother's name "My Son;" or is she just a formal texter? Do you text in cuneiform?

No, the anglicized version of her name would be Elizabeth, and "mother" in Assyrian is roughly "Yemma". I just call her mum.

Yes, pretty formal. She's an Iraqi woman in her 60s with middling English who's just recently learning to text. Here's a sample

No, just English, I never learned to read or write Assyrian and have forgotten almost entirely how to speak it, despite being fluent when I was a kid. My little sister never spoke it, but understood enough when we were young. I don't remember at what point we all started speaking English at home primarily.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:16

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

The Walrus posted:

lot of people itt not recognizing that steaming is the best way to cook most veg

What. As long as peppers, tomatoes, onions, aren't vegetables, I suppose? Most of the time, vegetables in our house get sauteed. Sometimes they get blanched first. Oven-roasted is also a great choice. "I love steamed veg" is a personal statement, and go team you, but a lot of veggies taste better with a little Maillard going on.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:16

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

limp_cheese posted:

Boyfriend wanted to go to the work event with a high end escort, not a girlfriend, so it only seems fair he pays high end escort prices.

I suspect that would cost way more than the $2K he spent but a good point never the less.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:17

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

My(29f) Bf(31m) is considering joining the Ukrainian Military

quote:

I'm not sure how I feel because I would never prevent him from doing something he wants to do, and I would help him in any way, especially financially. But I feel sick, because I don't want to be without him for at least 3 years and risk losing him forever.

How do I stay strong in front of him? Or even when I'm not around him? How do I stop this feeling of a lump in my throat and stomach lurching, begging to be let out. I have been on the verge of tears since he told me, and I don't want him to see me cry.

I don't want him to change his mind just because I cry.

I don't want him to change his mind unless HE has a legitimate reason to. I've never loved anyone like this, not even my ex husband that I was married to for almost 8 years.

I need advice. I tried texting one of my friends and she hasn't responded. We haven't talked in 2 weeks.

I'll be texting my friend of many years after I post this.

TLDR - Bf is considering joining the Ukrainian military, we're in Canada. I'm sad and don't want him to see that I'm sad. I will support him in any decision he makes. What do I do?

Putin is destined to lose this conflict because his military planners did not take into account the force multiplier of mentally ill, untrained, english-speaking foreigners joining the Ukrainian military at the last minute.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:20

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Mx. posted:

AITA for expecting my husband to ask before changing a dish?

man

phew

just imagining the life where that is the most traumatic thing that's happened

Ah, we've found the guy who makes a recipe from an online site, changes it entirely without even trying it straight up once, and then leaves a review about how "I just substituted this for this, added this, added this, and it was amazing!"

Uncle Enzo posted:

OP doesn't have to be friends with anyone and the neighbor is putting on a lot of pressure, which is wrong. The vacation thing is pretty lol.

That said, had OP considered, like, giving it a shot for a while? See where things go? She doesn't have to by any means and she isn't an rear end in a top hat for saying no. But man imagine just baldly spurning someone's friendship like that.

I guess she got her wish, they're sure as hell not friends now!

I'm sure she'd have had a great time with this crazy Christian conservative lady that she has literally nothing in common with and who wants to mash their children together and yell "LIKE EACH OTHER". She just gave you a whole dissertation on how a deep friendship isn't going to happen, does that not sound like she tried? Seems like she'd be fine with a casual neighbor thing, but this lady aggressively wanted something very specific.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:22

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

The Bramble posted:

My(29f) Bf(31m) is considering joining the Ukrainian Military

Putin is destined to lose this conflict because his military planners did not take into account the force multiplier of mentally ill, untrained, english-speaking foreigners joining the Ukrainian military at the last minute.

Pretty sure a foreigner can't just join the Ukrainian military out of the blue so he is probably talking about joining one of the neo Nazi militias that operate out of there... Azov battalion is one that lets foreigners join and they are outright Nazis so she might want to find out if that's what he wants to do...

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:25

Khizan: Jul 30, 2013

edgeman83 posted:

I kind of understand being privately a bit hurt by knowing your girlfriend/wife would drop you in a second if her dead partner came back, but for gently caress's sake keep it all in your head.

IMO if they still have a straight up memory shrine in the living room you should just break up with them.

Eight years since he passed and she still has a table permanently set up with pictures and candles in the living room of the house you share? That's a straight up in-your-face statement of "You're my second choice and always will be". Even if that's the truth(it's definitely the truth), she should at least be tactful enough not to rub it in his face like that and stop dedicating a section of their living room to making her current partner feel like a third wheel in her relationship with a ghost.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:32

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

B-Rock452 posted:

Do you sleep on your stomach cause proning is a simple way to help someone breath easier

Back or side. Left side when my stomach hurts.

The whole thing was weird because my oxygen was back to normal the next day, when the previous morning I woke up with 80% oxygen on the oximeter, which is a bad number.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:34

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

The Bramble posted:

My(29f) Bf(31m) is considering joining the Ukrainian Military

Putin is destined to lose this conflict because his military planners did not take into account the force multiplier of mentally ill, untrained, english-speaking foreigners joining the Ukrainian military at the last minute.

I read an article about this couple whose son did just this. He was really into Eastern Europe and the Donbass conflict and such and one day just up and left and they had no clue where he had gone, until they found out he was in Ukraine. He stopped messaging them one day, and like 2-3 years later an informant tipped off a private investigator that he was stabbed to death in a bar and his body was thrown in a ditch or something

So uh, that's something for this person to look forward to I suppose

EDIT: here's the link, but it's WSJ paywalled: https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-fbi-lost-our-son-11570806358 - I probably misrepresented it because it's been a couple years since I read the article but still

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:49

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Huh. I knew the FBI has links to Neo-Nazis, but I thought they were all in the US.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 21:53

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Lone Goat posted:

No, the anglicized version of her name would be Elizabeth, and "mother" in Assyrian is roughly "Yemma". I just call her mum.

Yes, pretty formal. She's an Iraqi woman in her 60s with middling English who's just recently learning to text. Here's a sample

No, just English, I never learned to read or write Assyrian and have forgotten almost entirely how to speak it, despite being fluent when I was a kid. My little sister never spoke it, but understood enough when we were young. I don't remember at what point we all started speaking English at home primarily.

...Yeah ok that's just sweet. You've found one instance in which referring to someone as brony is cute, well done. :3:

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:00

Frequent Handies: Nov 26, 2006; ��

quantumwell posted:

I suspect that would cost way more than the $2K he spent but a good point never the less.

Sounds about right for 3-4 hours.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:14

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

a podcast for cats posted:

Saw this opinion article on Reddit, clicked idly and quickly realised it's has some thread tropes:

Spoiler alert: a NY Times columnist is a terrible person and justifies it in stereotypical ways.

Maybe find somewhere else to work out your issues

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:17

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Lone Goat posted:

No, the anglicized version of her name would be Elizabeth, and "mother" in Assyrian is roughly "Yemma". I just call her mum.

Yes, pretty formal. She's an Iraqi woman in her 60s with middling English who's just recently learning to text. Here's a sample

No, just English, I never learned to read or write Assyrian and have forgotten almost entirely how to speak it, despite being fluent when I was a kid. My little sister never spoke it, but understood enough when we were young. I don't remember at what point we all started speaking English at home primarily.

And what?!?!

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:21

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

Khizan posted:

IMO if they still have a straight up memory shrine in the living room you should just break up with them.

Eight years since he passed and she still has a table permanently set up with pictures and candles in the living room of the house you share? That's a straight up in-your-face statement of "You're my second choice and always will be". Even if that's the truth(it's definitely the truth), she should at least be tactful enough not to rub it in his face like that and stop dedicating a section of their living room to making her current partner feel like a third wheel in her relationship with a ghost.

In general yeah I agree but the dead husband is also the father of her child. Once that comes into the picture I think it's pretty understandable to still have photos of the dead husband around and visit his grave on his birthday.

Unless the shrine is some huge obnoxious thing

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:28

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Uncle Enzo posted:

OP doesn't have to be friends with anyone and the neighbor is putting on a lot of pressure, which is wrong. The vacation thing is pretty lol.

That said, had OP considered, like, giving it a shot for a while? See where things go? She doesn't have to by any means and she isn't an rear end in a top hat for saying no. But man imagine just baldly spurning someone's friendship like that.

I have a real, genuine question, something I've wondered for a long time. Why do people say stuff like this about a situation that a person, at the very least, doesn't want to deal with? I've seen this before in responses to people who didn't want to befriend or talk with their childhood bullies years later and someone would say it was a shame they couldn't get over it- or even a little while back when those two different guys posted on Reddit about not wanting their mothers in their lives. I don't understand it. It's like saying it's a shame I didn't have some of that delicious peach pie when I don't really care for peaches. Uncle Enzo, please explain this to me. Because I've only ever been on the other side.

Content from Ask a Manager:

quote:

How do I warn a hothead personal trainer I�m on the verge of firing him?

I am a GM for a small fitness franchise. We work in a gym so the environment is informal, but we still have rules and policies like any other business. There is no HR. I am HR.

I have an employee who is a personal trainer. We spoken several times about professionalism and his behavior. Examples:

* Getting confrontational when members don�t put their weights back.
* He makes fun of inexperienced lifters and humiliates them in front of others who are present.
* Laughing when a member was lifting too much weight and almost injured himself (yes, wth!)
* Slamming weights around in frustrating when someone doesn�t rerack their weights.
* Getting aggressive when a member will door-violate. Members are not allowed to bring people into the gym during non-staffed hours. He will humiliate the member loudly and aggressively in front of everyone.
* When he uses the gym on his own time to work out, he curses loudly when lifting, slams weights, and holds a conversation extremely loudly that the entire gym can hear.

I�m done talking. How do I approach this hothead to say that any further complaints or unprofessional behavior, HE IS OUT before I become the hothead myself?

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:29

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

"How do I warn a hothead personal trainer I�m on the verge of firing him?"

I'm betting some combination of meathead and steroid abuse.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:38

Yorkshire Pudding: Nov 24, 2006

a podcast for cats posted:

Saw this opinion article on Reddit, clicked idly and quickly realised it's has some thread tropes:

Spoiler alert: a NY Times columnist is a terrible person and justifies it in stereotypical ways.

My husband just doesn�t understand my love language. All I want is for him to do everything I ask immediately and brook no complaint ever, and I also need him to constantly convince me that I will never die.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:39

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Just fire him.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:43

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

My love language is being in desperate need of therapy while refusing to attend it.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:49

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My love language is humiliating myself in print.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:55

captainOrbital: Jan 23, 2003; Wrathchild!
💢🧒

* One's "love language" can also be one's vulnerability
* My husband's love language is touch
* He's not getting poo poo until all my demands are met
* That's my love language you're not allowed to criticize it
* PS my love language is also lying and manipulation because we're talking about ME here what could be more important

# ? Feb 16, 2022 22:57

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

trickybiscuits posted:

I have a real, genuine question, something I've wondered for a long time. Why do people say stuff like this about a situation that a person, at the very least, doesn't want to deal with? I've seen this before in responses to people who didn't want to befriend or talk with their childhood bullies years later and someone would say it was a shame they couldn't get over it- or even a little while back when those two different guys posted on Reddit about not wanting their mothers in their lives. I don't understand it. It's like saying it's a shame I didn't have some of that delicious peach pie when I don't really care for peaches. Uncle Enzo, please explain this to me. Because I've only ever been on the other side.

My thoughts were specific to the exact situation in the post. Yes, the neighbor is a random stranger, but that also means there isn't a history of bad blood like with a bully or lovely mom. That's a huge difference.

The neighbor was coming on psychotically strong and like I said OP is 100% ok to just not talk to her. It also might have worked to lay down some boundaries and insist on taking things slow. "Well Karen I'm flattered but I really don't know you very well yet, what if we got coffee Friday?"

As for why go through the trouble, this is me projecting my life onto OP's: in my experience, the world is a big, cold, uncaring place and finding friends especially as an adult is hard. Other than coming on way too hard it didn't seem the neighbor had really set off red flags? If we voted here (which thank god we don't) I'd vote NTA. But with a different perspective.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:04

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Lone Goat posted:

No, the anglicized version of her name would be Elizabeth, and "mother" in Assyrian is roughly "Yemma". I just call her mum.

Yes, pretty formal. She's an Iraqi woman in her 60s with middling English who's just recently learning to text. Here's a sample

No, just English, I never learned to read or write Assyrian and have forgotten almost entirely how to speak it, despite being fluent when I was a kid. My little sister never spoke it, but understood enough when we were young. I don't remember at what point we all started speaking English at home primarily.

Ever think about trying to pick it back up? It might be easier than you think if you still retain any knowledge of it.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:06

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Uncle Enzo posted:

My thoughts were specific to the exact situation in the post. Yes, the neighbor is a random stranger, but that also means there isn't a history of bad blood like with a bully or lovely mom. That's a huge difference.

The neighbor was coming on psychotically strong and like I said OP is 100% ok to just not talk to her. It also might have worked to lay down some boundaries and insist on taking things slow. "Well Karen I'm flattered but I really don't know you very well yet, what if we got coffee Friday?"

As for why go through the trouble, this is me projecting my life onto OP's: in my experience, the world is a big, cold, uncaring place and finding friends especially as an adult is hard. Other than coming on way too hard it didn't seem the neighbor had really set off red flags? If we voted here (which thank god we don't) I'd vote NTA. But with a different perspective.

Seems like you've got some Geek Social Fallacies to work through. When someone projects "I am unhinged" at you so blatantly as soon as you meet them, the correct response is to block them off immediately, not give them ins to mess with your life.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:06

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

OP gave an inch by having the audacity to be standing outside while unpacking and the neighbors immediately tried to take 10 miles.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:10

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

a podcast for cats posted:

Saw this opinion article on Reddit, clicked idly and quickly realised it's has some thread tropes:

Spoiler alert: a NY Times columnist is a terrible person and justifies it in stereotypical ways.

If the christmas tree is ruining your life that much then move it yourself. This isn't a weird video game where men and only men can interact with trees.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:10

Khizan: Jul 30, 2013

duck trucker posted:

In general yeah I agree but the dead husband is also the father of her child. Once that comes into the picture I think it's pretty understandable to still have photos of the dead husband around and visit his grave on his birthday.

Unless the shrine is some huge obnoxious thing

I wouldn't have a problem with having some pictures and mementos up on the walls in the living area or with having a table like that set up in the kid's room. But having a full out candles-and-pictures table set up permanently in the living room would cross a line for me. I would not want to like, cuddle on the couch during a movie while sitting across the room from a full on memory shrine to her deceased husband. Ugh.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:11

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

a podcast for cats posted:

Saw this opinion article on Reddit, clicked idly and quickly realised it's has some thread tropes:

Spoiler alert: a NY Times columnist is a terrible person and justifies it in stereotypical ways.

lol, I enjoy how she tells made-up facts to get what she wants and thinks it's quirky, cute and is perfectly justified to do so. What's even funnier is that she made herself look like a real loving rear end in a top hat in other ways and probably thinks that what she just admitted was NBD. I mean I guess in the grand scheme of things the things she admitted aren't that bad but people in her life are going to look at her differently now.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:21

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 30, 2024 23:41

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

There's a conversation to be had about what is the appropriate balance between remembering a a dead partner and making room for a current one, and I think the easy answer is "don't be in that relationship if you feel threatened or overshadowed by a person who is literally no longer around," because the alternatives are pressuring your partner to erase a portion of their life, which is lovely and breeds resentment, or stewing in your own resentment in the hopes that they'll take the hint.

Like it's possible to gracefully suggest moving the shrine from the living room to the child's bedroom or something similarly appropriate, but also this dude wanted to propose on her dead husband's birthday; outside of the severe abuse stories, that's about the most psychotic thing I've seen in this thread.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 23:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

«‹›3575 »