Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for expressing a comics opinion

EDIT because people keep asking exactly what I said: I deleted the Facebook thread after everyone started yelling at me so I don’t have the exact quote but I literally just looked at a bookshelf of comics and said something like "Too much Marvel, no independents, don't float the mainstream" hoping to get into a conversation about comics.

quote:

Well, (his father) didn't say anything about the gifts, just to not come over for dinner. My bf told me they rejected the flowers and told him to tell me that, which made me sad.

quote:

I'm overwhelmed right now, why would he lie? He's never done anything like this before and even helped me pick out gifts a few times.

quote:

I'm not breaking up with him, he's the man I want to marry, he may be mad right now but all I want is for things to be normal again. I just started bugging him about going over to his parent's so I can apologize but he wants me to do it by text which I don't understand.

quote:

I'm getting him off his game right now and will sit him down for a talk, simply put he's acting like a brat right now and I want to know why he doesn't want me talking to his parents.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for "imposing my culture" even though I thought I was just being nice?

Foo Diddley posted:

thing about racists is they don't have any problem deciding someone's the wrong kind of white

Tobermory posted:

Ha, there's already followups to the "culture" lady:



So yeah, BF is absolutely lying to his parents as well. OP says her parents were from the Caribbean.

Mr. Lobe posted:

This dumbass woman is going to sleepwalk her way into a lovely marriage, isn't she

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for "imposing my culture" even though I thought I was just being nice?

Mx. posted:

AITA-I need a special diet and I’m bringing my own meals on a family vacation.


"Both sides"

Midnight Voyager posted:

the book with a centerfold of a dragon sucking its own dick.

quote:

Weird one so bare with me, me & mr have been together nearly 10 years we are both in our 30’s and due to second families I have an aunt (we will call M) much older than myself - more like my grandmothers age say 70’s.

M has always been a lover of men and when I was a child always used to say if she was younger she’d run off with my dad - now I have always found this inappropriate and disturbing and actually told her so when I was about 10. The family just brush it off as M being M so it continued.

Skip forward to a little while ago and low and behold my dad is seemingly to old for her now and my hubby has taken her fancy. M left her most recent partner (there has been a fair few!) and commented how I’d be in trouble if she were 40 years younger as she’s run off with hubby. Now here’s where I may be the a@shole as instead of taking the family line and placating her I just told her straight he wouldn’t go- now she hasn’t spoken to me for months so I’m wondering if I am the bad guy here but I just find it disgusting…..

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Also I'm betting boyfriend cheated or otherwise did something heinous and is trying to make the breakup about her.

quote:

I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed right now and just making a quick comment because all of you are being so nice. Sat my bf down after dragging him off his game and grilled him about what was happening but he said I was being crazy when I started all this and to just let us write a text to his parents apologizing. I said no and that we would go over to apologize but he started freaking out which was the final straw. He's doing everything to get me to stay home but I'm going over and sorting this out since I tried calling anyway but the number's out of order?

Some more responses before I leave I'm so sorry I can't answer everyone:

My parents are from the Caribbean and he's very American but he and his family have never been racist or anything before.

They are actually much more well off than me and my gifts are never expensive since I pay for them on my own which is why I'm now very suspicious of them behaving this way.

The reason only the dad texted me is because his parents aren't super tech-savvy and share a simple phone he picked out for them.

I know there's a bit of an age gap but I pursued the relationship myself because he asked me out casually at work as a frequent customer and I accepted.

AceClown posted:

quote:

I (65f) have a daughter Amy (21f) who is currently in the process of moving out. Things have been tense lately, because her brother Jack (23f) and I are upset about her abandoning our family during hard times, but she insists this is because she wants to live her own life with her new fiancé Erin (21m). However, her fiancé isn't even going to be living with her.

Prior to our current home, Amy didn't have a bedroom (she had a room, but she often insisted was just a "hallway": two doors at either end leading to the house and her brother's room) and then she slept on the couch for almost 2 years while we lived in an apartment because the dog would be anxious if she was in my room with me.

This means, she didn't have any furniture once we moved here, so I lent her some of mine (dressers, night stands, etc). Now that she's moving, I asked her what she would be taking and she said NONE of it, except for her mattress, frame and the desk her father bought her.

Naturally, I told her to stop being ridiculous and she insisted that she didn't want it because it didn't fit her aesthetic, and she just didn't want it. I can't bear the thought of my daughter being in an empty apartment by herself, with no furniture, and feel she's lashing out at me because of the tension in the house. But the more I brought it up, the more upset she got, but it clearly wasn't the end of the discussion because she was still not convinced.

The other day when she went to work, Jack asked me about her furniture, and if he needed to bring it, since she'd just had her mattress moved and he was going to bring the rest in the next few days. I decided to surprise her, and had him bring all of her furniture. Once it was there, I set up her room for her and surprise her when she arrived.

She was super upset! She started yelling at me about how I never listened to her, or respected her, and all these other things that don't make sense considering she never respects me. She started crying about how she finally had her own space and I took that too from her. I don't understand, I just wanted to do something nice for her and now she's lashing out.

AITA for wanting to make sure my daughter was comfortable?

AceClown posted:

Evil Willow posted:

I never listened to her, or respected her, and all these other things that don't make sense considering she never respects me.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for giving my daughter furniture?

quote:

upset about her abandoning our family during hard times

quote:

I (65f) have a daughter Amy (21f) ... her brother Jack (23f)

Midnight Voyager posted:

Eugh, they keep insisting she could have slept in a bed... her mother's bed. With her mother! And the son has his own room because he was "there first".

I bet she doesn't want the furniture so she never has to think about that hell house again.

quote:

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quote:

He has threatened to kill me a few times. Last night he stood in his driveway gesturing like he wanted to hurt me. He has hacked my garage door, according to the garage repairman, and he showed that last night. I don't call the sheriff because it's obvious he's petty dealer and an informant and good friends with the cops. They all seem to know and like him. He's fixated on me because I'm a single woman and he has tried to impress me with no luck. I am on the asexual spectrum so I didn't understand his advances at first and I dismissed them as just being really friendly. I'm not interested in him or his brother who lives with him who tried to break into my house when I was there. I posted about this before on r/police and got few responses, none from police. Police don't care.

Edit: I am in California. I am overwhelmed by your support. Thank you to everyone for your advice on how to deal with this. Thank you!

quote:

this happened a couple nights ago and my (22m) roommate (23m) is still whining about it so I want to see if I really was the rear end in a top hat here.

so, a couple nights ago - I got back from school absolutely starving (didn't eat breakfast or lunch) got in around 6pm - my friend from class came over too so it's not like I ate everything by myself. It's been awhile since I last had an omellete, so I decided to whip myself up one, asked my friend if he wanted any and he happily accepted.

there was like 8 eggs left, and the expiration of them was the next day so I decided to just make add all of them to the omellete. important to note that these were my eggs that I bought.

after we ate, we just kicked back and just chilled. my friend left around 9pm. my roommate has a pretty intense schedule, so he didn't get back until around 11pm. he starts banging on my door and asked where the eggs were. I told him I ate them since I was hungry.

He just got even more angry and said "why couldn't you just leave me one egg?? i'm loving staving man" so I said "my bad man, they were gonna expire and my friend ate some too, eat something else?".

he huffed off but man this guy wont let it go. it's been like 3 days. even his girlfriend said I'm a "bad roommate" for letting him go hungry.

I dunno, it's starting to get to me. I guess, technically I didn't need that much egg. so just wanted to know if i'm the rear end in a top hat here. AITA?

secondary question. WIBTA if I cut him off from anything else I buy? this is high-key just starting to piss me off how he keeps brining it up.

Mx. posted:

AITA for using the rest of my eggs to make a big rear end omellete leaving my roommate "without food"?

The comments are kinda cute because OP discovers the difference between eggs going bad and expiration dates

I got a lot of chickens, I always float eggs because you gotta know if they good or bad before you crack them...

Mx. posted:

AITA for using the rest of my eggs to make a big rear end omellete leaving my roommate "without food"?

The comments are kinda cute because OP discovers the difference between eggs going bad and expiration dates

I got a lot of chickens, I always float eggs because you gotta know if they good or bad before you crack them...

Brawnfire posted:

Sounds like these two have had just about un œuf of each other

Brawnfire posted:

Sounds like these two have had just about un œuf of each other

Absurd Alhazred posted:

No, she couldn't sleep in her mother's bed, that would make the dog nervous.

Brawnfire posted:

Sounds like these two have had just about un œuf of each other

Coca Koala posted:

I almost missed that part in the constellation of awfulness!

"You can't have a bed, don't be ridiculous. Think of how it would make the dog feel!"

edit: gently caress I also missed the "But the more I brought it up, the more upset she got, but it clearly wasn't the end of the discussion because she was still not convinced."

wheatpuppy posted:

I would bet money it's more:
"Son how come you never bring your mom flowers like Cool Girlfriend does?"
"Because I am not made of money, jeez! She's making me look bad."
"Oh no that scarlet jezebel is flexing on our son by spending money on thoughtful gifts, how dare she disrespect us like that!"

quote:

I have known/been dating my wife for 6 years, and we have been spiritually married for 2 years. We are not legally married, although at this point we are essentially common law.

We are both high earners (both earning over $175k a year after tax). We purchased our home together and we have agreed to split the finances 50-50. We paid for our wedding, honeymoon, everything 50-50, although I did pay for the cost of our rings and her engagement ring. Our mortgage payments were 50-50 and we comfortably own our home now, so much of our income goes to savings, investments, home improvements and discretionary spending.

Because of our incomes, we felt it would be best to keep our finances separate - we're both highly independent people and both very career driven. It's part of the reason I'm so attracted to her - she's amazing at what she does, and I'm so proud to be able to introduce her as my wife and explain what she does.

Unfortunately our first two years of marriage were hampered by COVID and lockdowns. We would have loved to have traveled and saved up quite a bit in order to do this. A couple months ago we had a talk and decided it might be a good time to have kids instead of continuously waiting for better or safer travel conditions. Without too serious discussion about it, we decided to stop using birth control and let things happen as they will.

Yesterday I came home and my wife was on the phone. She seemed like she was in a hurry to end her conversation and tried to evade my question when I asked who she was talking to. It was her sister. They don't talk a lot, so that was a bit weird. She still works from home, so she continued to do some work, then we had dinner and watched some news. Regular, pleasant evening. Then she says she wants to have a serious talk, and asks me to make us some tea and meet her upstairs at her work desk.

I make the tea, bring it up, and she starts talking financials.

Her work place allows for maternity leave for up to a year, but only provides 50% of her salary for up to 6 months. The remaining 6 months is unpaid. She was very direct, and said that while her insurance would cover the vast majority of hospital related costs during pregnancy and childbirth, taking a 6 month break from work would cost her almost $50,000 since her pay would be cut in half. She is asking me to compensate her for that $50,000, in addition to agreeing to split any related but unexpected costs to pregnancy and childbirth. Her stance is that she is doing something for us to start a family, but it is not a true 50-50 split if she is expected to take a financial hit for it and I am not, given that our finances are separate. She had a printed list of expectations in terms of what she expected financially, listed some things that her insurance may not cover.

I see the logic in that, but I am really very turned off by this because she is essentially asking me to pay her to have our child (or children?).

She saw my hesitation and just doubled down. While her ideal is to return to work after 6 months, she says it's a real possibility that she may require more time off and decide, as things happen, to take up to a year off. So, she had another plan drafted for that. For the first 6 months, her work will give her 50% of her salary, and I would compensate her for the rest, but for the next 6 months, since her work would not compensate her, and because this loss is something she is doing for the family, she is "comfortable splitting the loss of her income", and only asking me for 50% of her salary instead of 100% for the second 6 month period, and she will take the loss of 50% of her salary. The idea I guess is that both of us "suffer" half the loss of income for the second 6 month period. However, if she takes 7 to 11 months off, any months after the 6th can be prorated.

She expressed that she anticipates and hopes to return to work in 6 months, but that she wants a contingency plan in the event that she requires a year off. She said that taking more than a year off is something she is very unlikely to do as it would put her job at risk, but that she's open to exploring a third plan with me if I feel that it's necessary.

There are also detailed notes about how she wants to keep housework split, with plans to start saving for both childcare and additional housekeeper expenses for at least the first four years. I kid you not, it's a 16 page ring binder that she handed me with detailed notes, some explanations, and lists of expenses.

But the immediate and essential element here is that, she wants me to pay her $50,000 - $100,000 to compensate for the loss of her salary for 6-12 months as a result of her having our child.

I really do not know how to process this. My first thought is shock, because, despite our salaries, $50k-$100k is a lot to demand. The idea of a payment plan to have a child is just gross. And many couples manage to do this without paying their wives to have children. But then, I suppose most couples are married legally and a loss to one person's income is a loss to everyone. So in our situation, it makes logical sense, but there's something so transactional about it that puts a bad taste in my mouth.

I didn't fight it or argue, and she's basically allowing me to think about it, but says if having kids is something we're going to do, she wants to write up an agreement and go to a lawyer (splitting the cost of that is ALSO in the binder).

What really hits me here is that she was talking to her sister on the same day she brings this up to me. Why on that day? On the same day she mentions this to me? They do not talk often. I am partially excited and scared that the timing of this means that she is actually currently pregnant and that my response to her will have real consequences if I disagree with her. She has previously had an abortion, and only told me after the fact (almost a year later), because it was early into dating. I was shocked to learn that when I did, but supported her choice as it's her body, and at the time having kids would have been the wrong decision for us. Still, the fact that she makes decisions like that so independently has me incredibly cautious right now.

I checked trash cans and such for a pregnancy test but didn't find anything. She also asked for tea instead of coffee, but maybe that is overthinking it because she likes both. I want to ask her if she's pregnant, but we both had busy days today, and I was processing and it didn't even occur to me on the day we first discussed this. Definitely a conversation to have, but I don't know whether that should influence my response here.

tl;dr: My wife and I both earn over $175k a year and we are considering having children. She is asking me to compensate her for 6 to 12 months as compensation for the time she will have to take off to have our child. I do not know whether she is pregnant.

What really hits me here is that she was talking to her sister on the same day she brings this up to me. Why today? They do not talk often. I am partially excited and scared that the timing of this means that she is actually currently pregnant and that my response to her will have real consequences if I disagree with her. She has previously had an abortion, and only told me after the fact (almost a year later), because it was early into dating. I was shocked to learn that when I did, but supported her choice as it's her body, and at the time having kids would have been the wrong decision for us. Still, the fact that she makes decisions like that so independently has me incredibly cautious right now

hawowanlawow posted:

I guess this could be interpreted as OP saying that he is white and not that OP is white, but even if OP is white it's a p weird line of thinking that giving gifts is

a.) bad

and

b.) something only non-whites do (which is probably what makes it bad)

quote:

I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed right now and just making a quick comment because all of you are being so nice. Sat my bf down after dragging him off his game and grilled him about what was happening but he said I was being crazy when I started all this and to just let us write a text to his parents apologizing. I said no and that we would go over to apologize but he started freaking out which was the final straw. He's doing everything to get me to stay home but I'm going over and sorting this out since I tried calling anyway but the number's out of order?

Some more responses before I leave I'm so sorry I can't answer everyone:

My parents are from the Caribbean and he's very American but he and his family have never been racist or anything before.

They are actually much more well off than me and my gifts are never expensive since I pay for them on my own which is why I'm now very suspicious of them behaving this way.

The reason only the dad texted me is because his parents aren't super tech-savvy and share a simple phone he picked out for them.

I know there's a bit of an age gap but I pursued the relationship myself because he asked me out casually at work as a frequent customer and I accepted.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Also:

quote:

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Brawnfire posted:

Oh that's how it works?

Coca Koala posted:

edit: gently caress I also missed the "But the more I brought it up, the more upset she got, but it clearly wasn't the end of the discussion because she was still not convinced."

quote:

I (21F) was in a very bad car accident about three years ago. A drunk drive ran a stop light, cut off a semi-truck, which then crashed into me, sending me crashing into two different cars and then ultimately into an embankment. My car was mangled and my leg was crushed, completely destroyed, and it had to be amputated. I also lost a couple fingers (the tip of one and all of another). I'm also left with some gnarly scars that used to bother me but I'm learning to deal with them. I got a couple different insurance payouts and some pain and suffering money in addition to my medical bills being paid and with my money I purchased a custom-made leg to take the place of the one I lost. When I have pants and shoes on you can hardly tell unless you're really looking. I still limp but some days I don't have as pronounced a limp.

Earlier today I went to the store with my boyfriend, my sister, her girlfriend, and our mother. I drove. I had to learn to drive with my left foot but I'm really good at it now. I also bought a new car with my money and had to go through a ton of therapy to get past my PTSD but I'm doing well there now as well. So, I drove us, and because of my injuries (in addition to my leg I also have chronic hip, neck, and back pain, and some issues with my lungs from the time spent intubated in a medically-induced coma that led to pneumonia) I have a handicap placard for my car. I have trouble walking without getting tired so it really helps to park close to the door. Today I did so and unknowingly took the space from someone who was circling back around for it. Apparently the man had been looking for a close space and had missed the one I took and went down and around. He was still on the other aisle when I pulled in so I didn't cut him off or anything and had no way of knowing he wanted the spot.

He parked in the yellow stripe zone and got out and immediately began confronting me about stealing a space from people who actually need it, how I'm just some kid who has no respect for those who are truly sick and suffering. He then ordered me to move. My group was urging me to just walk way but this has happened before and once the police were even called. I'm sick of people thinking that just because I'm young that I don't have a legit need for a little extra consideration. I said "Okay", and went to the car and got in like I was going to drive off. I was wearing a skirt and leggings so it wasn't quite obvious at first but when I sat down I took my leg off and showed it to the man, including my stump. I then asked him if it was okay if I still parked there. He walked away calling me disgusting and rude and said I could have just told him and I made him look stupid.

My group was embarrassed and said that I made things awkward because there was a crowd. AITA?

Hughlander posted:

AITA for taking off my leg and making someone look dumb and feel uncomfortable?

quote:

I(24f) recently moved in with my boyfriend, Lawrence(29m). Lawrence has a skeleton named Polly that usually he keeps in the guest bedroom. I was not aware of this until I moved in.

I asked him to move it into the basement. He refused, saying I didn't even see her and I couldn't dictate what he did in his house.

I think he should move it, as it scares me whenever I open the door to the guest bedroom. He is standing firm, and he does not want to move her.

AITA for wanting Polly out of the guest bedroom?

Hughlander posted:

AITA for taking off my leg and making someone look dumb and feel uncomfortable?