r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

OFFER: For $10 I will agree with your idiotic takes, offering crucial moral support for posters with low posting morale and lack of personal character

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:05

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# ? May 30, 2024 02:57

Woozie66: Sep 8, 2009; I'll wait for the next era

EXPERIMENTAL TIP: Just repost the story, but with details changed to fit your argument. Note: tip may result in probes.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:06

Underwhelmed: Mar 7, 2004; Nap Ghost

datajugend posted:

Milk shitter is blind and has no tastebuds so actually yeah op should have told her this dairy milk has dairy milk in it.

gently caress you op.

Suspending disbelief and taking the story at face value, milk shitter knew it was cow's milk, and rolled the dice because being a mooch and taking a chance is preferable to buying their own stuff. This time the side effect was greater than anticipated.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

AITA for threatening to abandon my elderly father in a nursing home?

"But belittling and treating my entire family like poo poo is my love language" cries the man in the small dark room with a single cot and an overflowing bucket

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:08

Tenebrais: Sep 2, 2011

Sisal Two-Step posted:

FORBIDDEN TIP: just mix up details from various different stories into one conglomerate and post about that.

Personally I don't think the OP or her roommate should be drinking the cowgirl harem's milk

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:08

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

But she said she didn't have any at home and only a short break at work to drink all the cowwoman harem milk,

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Tenebrais posted:

Personally I don't think the OP or her roommate should be drinking the cowgirl harem's milk

Oh lah-dee-dah Lady Fauntleroy here turning down free milk

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:11

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

FORBIDDEN TIP: just mix up details from various different stories into one conglomerate and post about that.

AITA if I dump my elderly milk cow into a nursing home because he told my BF that I do the dishes improperly?

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:15

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

My husband has a jar in the fridge he says contains cow-lady milk, but he gets furious if I ask about it or move it

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:18

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

remember that OP who put out sugar free gummy bears on their office desk to gently caress up a food thief? good times.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:23

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

No, but I remember the one whose food was so spicy it put the food thief in the hospital, and they had to demonstrate that they were capable of eating it to HR

(this may also be two stories mashed up, now that I think about it)

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:28

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

Doc Hawkins posted:

remember that OP who put out sugar free gummy bears on their office desk to gently caress up a food thief? good times.

the best ones are workplace lunch thieves who get owned by someone's spicy food and then cry to hr about it

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:29

thotsky: Jun 7, 2005; hot to trot

At least the cow harem promises to be a stable relationship.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:32

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

thotsky posted:

At least the cow harem promises to be a stable relationship.

I've herd otherwise

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:33

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Doc Hawkins posted:

remember that OP who put out sugar free gummy bears on their office desk to gently caress up a food thief? good times.

I think about those amazon reviews all the time

"Du hast Haribo!" :allears:

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:37

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

Doc Hawkins posted:

remember that OP who put out sugar free gummy bears on their office desk to gently caress up a food thief? good times.

drat i actually do not remember this one, anybody got a link?

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:42

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

haveblue posted:

No, but I remember the one whose food was so spicy it put the food thief in the hospital, and they had to demonstrate that they were capable of eating it to HR

(this may also be two stories mashed up, now that I think about it)

That one the thief didn't go to the hospital, but they were violently ill. Old ask a manager story, still funny.

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:42

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

i misremembered, it was not intentional . i did remember the word "volatile"

e:

quote:

I left some volatile gummy bears on the desk now my co-worker wants to sue me
r/legaladvice - I left some volatile gummy bears on the desk now my co-worker wants to sue me

This is in Michigan. I am originally from Germany and very unsure how the law works in the United States so bear with me.

Last year I received a job offer to work as an assistant professor in the German language department at a large university in Michigan. I recently finished my PhD and was really excited to fill a research position (and possible post doc position) in the specific field I applied to.

Most of my time I give classes in German literature but additionally the university would like me to help students with writer's block so I joined an interdisciplinary workshop.

There are at least 4 people connected to this workshop and we get along fine most of the time. Sadly there is one elderly woman who made me out as a rival day one.

I do not know what provoked her but there is something about me that makes her mad. Cue the incident...I had an appointment with a student, gave him some tips and instructions and left my bowl with gummy bears on the desk.

Mind you, these gummy bears a sugar free and volatile, if you eat more than a handful you are in serious fart troubles and you will occupy the toilet bowl for the rest of your day.

But my co-worker ate the whole bowl, first she excused herself from any commitments and then she called in sick. The next day she confronted me and blamed me for the whole ordeal, that I deliberately placed those gummy bears and it was all a ploy to humiliate her.

According to her she has already informed HR and her lawyer and that I will be kicked out of the country in no time. The only thing I can blame myself on is that me and my colleagues giggled at her bowel distress signals.

https://np.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6vghbr/minor_update_on_these_pesky_volatile_gummy_bears/ posted:

We are still in Michigan. I had a ... I guess a fruitful conversation with HR yesterday.

My co-worker and I had separate interviews yesterday, no blaming, just telling what happened and how our workplace could be improved on in the future.

I make it quick, her side of the story looks like this: "HerbyCastle deliberately placed sweets laced with laxatives in the commonly shared office space to make me and other people sick"

My side: "I forgot my bowl with gummy bears which I gladly and generously share with everybody in my department, not assuming that anybody would eat the whole bowl of sugar free gummy bears"

That would be an Argumento ad common senso I assume in legal terms.

I even brought an original german gummy bears packet with me to prove that I didn't mean any harm. (true story though, my pants had been, were and and have been shat during the last couple of days and that without any laxative gummy bears...I hope these tenses fit)

Hard to believe but we talked during lunch yesterday and made up. She is a nice lady in fact but had issues with food allergies in the past.

And I would love to just close this story with a "we reconciled and everything was fine" but there was another mayor bit of a WOW!-moment in the room when I learnt that both hostile co-worker and me have already been put under "scrutiny" (HR words) by another assistant professor who had also had joined in our workshop project. Is this loving Game of Thrones?

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 15:56 on Apr 11, 2022

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:49

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for not reading my (ex)friends essay about everything wrong with me?

quote:

Recently a friend (32/f) of 9 years who I (27/f) considered one of my good friends texted me completely out of the blue saying that she didn't want to come to my wedding or 'be my friend anymore'.

Some backstory; I knew the friendship was fading but had just assumed we would slowly go our separate ways. Over the past few years I have often gone to her house gto comfort her about everything that went wrong in her life, including things she really had a choice in changing. (e.g. she didn't couter-offer enough at her job before signing the contract, her new boyfriend snores and then she yells at him, her new eScooter's battery is too heavy to get to her great new job etc.). In contrast, in the past few years my 2 parents have had 3 cancer diagnoses between them, and my sister died and any time I tried to talk to her about this, she just changed the subject.

Anyway, this all happened three days after coming to my apartment, laughing, chatting, and exchanging gifts and books. When she was at my house, the only moment that seemed to upset her is when I asked her if she wanted to help organise my bachelorette party. She said she felt she wouldn't do a good job, I said I didn't really care and wasn't sure if I wanted one anyway, nd it oculd just be drinks and a movie at my place (if that), she was a bit cagey bout it but at no point said 'no' (perhaps I coul dhave picked up on this but also I think if you don't want to do something just tell me).

So a few days later I get this long text saying she didn't want to be my friend anymore or come to my wedding. I was obviously upset because any rejection feels like garbage, and I tried to call her to discuss it but she wouldn't pick up. She said we should take time to 'let it sink in'. I was still upset but just decided to give her some time. After a day or two I realised that anyone who would act like she did with no explanation wasn't someone I wanted to be friends with anyway.

5 DAYS LATER - she messages to say she has written an 'essay' on 'all her issues with me' that I 'won't like'. Also that it is too big to send by WhatsApp (frequently used in europe for texting) so she will e-mail it to me (?!?!). This was accompanied by a lot of smiley emojies and friendly exclamation marks. I told her not so send the essay because I wouldn't read it as I no longer wanted anything to do with her, and I blocked her on Whatsapp. She then sent me green texts telling me I woulnd't grow if I didn't read this essay and that I was selfish. I then blocked her on everything.

I'm sure I wasn't fully in the right, but the way she dealt with this whole situation seems completely wild to me. AITA for not reading her letter?

TL;DR: My friend of 9 years texted me out of the blue saying she didn't want to be my friend anymore. days later she said she had written an essay that I wouldn't like about all her issues with me. I said I wouldn't read it and she text-yelled at me saying I woulnd't grow as a person. AITA?

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:49

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not reading my (ex)friends essay about everything wrong with me?

Post the Essay!!

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:51

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Mx. posted:

I think my "boyfriend" (?) might have a weird cow-girl-fetish harem and be trying to add me to it

OP's "boyfriend" watching Doja Cat's MOOO!: "I hope this doesn't awaken something in me..."

Narrator: "But it did awaken something in him."

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:54

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for not reading my (ex)friends essay about everything wrong with me?

the essay better be co-signed by all the contributors from her discord server

# ? Apr 11, 2022 15:55

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

how could you not want to read the essay??

I'm not the poster and I don't know anyone in it, but I want to read that essay. You just know it's gonna be gold.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:05

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

The person who wrote the gummi bear story put waaay more personally identifying info in there than was necessary, but geh mit Gott, I suppose.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:11

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

how could you not want to read the essay??

I'm not the poster and I don't know anyone in it, but I want to read that essay. You just know it's gonna be gold.

why would you want to read something your ex-friend wrote because they decided that dumping you as a friend didn't hurt you enough? i mean we as spectators might be curious, but OP isn't going to find anything good in there

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:13

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

That's some "I'm just calling you at home to make sure you understand that we fired you earlier today" poo poo.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:20

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

how could you not want to read the essay??

I'm not the poster and I don't know anyone in it, but I want to read that essay. You just know it's gonna be gold.

, Reddit OP. Doesn't even need to read it.

Well, probably to remove personally identifying information, I guess.

Edit:

Best reply from that cow thread:

quote:

There was a porn at the old dildo store in town and it had a picture of a girl in a cow print outfit mushing up ground beef with her feet. I think it�s a real fetish.

And of course there's a reddit.

Absurd Alhazred fucked around with this message at 16:32 on Apr 11, 2022

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:27

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

It's because there are some legitimately horrifying things in the letter that would make everyone think the letter-writer was underreacting, homeland security should've been notified.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:31

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Khanstant posted:

It's because there are some legitimately horrifying things in the letter that would make everyone think the letter-writer was underreacting, homeland security should've been notified.

If you're writing a five page letter to your former friend about all that's wrong with them, I'm guessing the biggest complaint isn't the fact that you occasionally take an item of theirs and don't return it

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:32

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

I'm thinking the letter writer is probably just nuts

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:33

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Yeah that's not normal people behavior. Even if you have serious, well founded grievances against someone, you don't do that

So I wouldn't be surprised if there is no basis in reality

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:37

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Foo Diddley posted:

why would you want to read something your ex-friend wrote because they decided that dumping you as a friend didn't hurt you enough? i mean we as spectators might be curious, but OP isn't going to find anything good in there

I will admit I have never been friend-dumped, but I imagine I'd read a letter like that, mostly to assure myself that the ex-friend is in fact deeply unhinged. Like at least skim it to make sure it's as nuts as it sounds. Probably wouldn't laugh about it or share it with the internet though.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:41

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Mr. Lobe posted:

Yeah that's not normal people behavior. Even if you have serious, well founded grievances against someone, you don't do that

So I wouldn't be surprised if there is no basis in reality

Yeah, you wait for Festivus like a normal person.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:41

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Ugh, I had an emailer friend once. I got tired of reading paragraphs of analysis and bargaining after a slight disagreement while shooting the poo poo earlier that day. It's really self-centered to think you can write interpersonal conflict into submission with enough words.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:42

Vespertillian: Oct 9, 2012

The discarded friend should tell the letter writer
that they also wrote an essay on why their friendship is over, and then send them a proper APA styled essay cover page but have the following body of the essay just say "you're a bitch".

Extra points if she properly cites that statement as personal communications with more than one other person.

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:42

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Halloween Jack posted:

The person who wrote the gummi bear story put waaay more personally identifying info in there than was necessary, but geh mit Gott, I suppose.

they also said some weird stuff, like they got hired as an assistant professor and hope to fill a postdoc position?

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:43

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

if people have problems with me, they should say it to my face where I can get really aggressive and belittle them and threaten to tell everyone their insecurities if they don't get out of my face

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:44

Doctor J Off: Dec 28, 2005; There Is

Today we find an engineer who describes himself as "not that picky":

34 years old and never have been in love posted:

Hi there! So im a 34 year old man who has never been in a relationship or even had sex before, I remember kissing a girl back when I was like 8 but that's as far as I've been.

Growing Up I was just a bit shy/quiet and insecure, I always thought that I was just unattractive and that "why would a woman pick me when there are better men"

So when I got to about 16 I started working alot and a few years later I decided to go to uni to do a masters degree in engineering. Financially Im doing very well, I have a good paying job with the option to earn more, I own a house ect and I have a few hobbies as well but Its literally impossible to meet single women my age.

Physically im 6'0, Athletic, I look young and I have always been very focused on my appearance. Although I thought that I was unattractive but looking back I did have interest from women, I've had women randomly compliment me like "hello gorgouse" but just thought nothing of it or thought that they were lying.

But I regret spending my 20s working and focused on myself because I pretty much have no good memories. My friends all chose to have fun and now all of them are in relationships with kids. I hardly see my friends now cause they are in relationships and are all fathers.

You know what, I've always wanted my own kids and that's the reason why I worked my rear end off because I wanted to provide for a family. I know im still a virgin and I do desire sex but kids and that family life is what I really want.

After work I should be coming home to a wife and kids that are happy to see me, not some empty house with all the lights off. I also live out in the country side so it gets super lonely and dark.

I've tried the dating apps but just can't meen any suitable women, I did match with this one woman who I thought was suitable but then 2 weeks after talking she says "I've got two kids by the way" which she never told me about.

I also use to have this huge crush on a woman that I use to work with (this was about 15 years ago when I was still a student) and I got on so well with her but never had the balls to ask her out. She was perfect honestly, we had the same interests, we vibed well, she was attractive but my mind told me "She won't be interested in you cause there are better guys"

Like, when I go out to bars I get hit on but these women are just not really the types in which you'd wanna wife up lol.

I've also tried approaching women but they are usually taken, I do remember tho one woman said to me "I would but im engaged unfortinatly" and showed me her ring lol.

But I really want kids and I need responsibility in my life, Financially there is no worries and I certantly can provide for a family. I know that I'll make a great father but its just finding the right woman is hard.

Im not that picky. All I want is a woman who is the same as me (i.e looks after herself and is a healthy weight, wants kids, doesn't do any drugs ect)

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:49

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for losing it on my entire family at an early Easter dinner?

quote:

For starters, this is a throwaway because I don't put personal info on my main.

So I,33f, hosted Easter dinner this last Saturday. My immediate family, husband and kids, are taking our first camping trip of the year next weekend so we had to do Easter early. A quick note on who all came. There was my grandma( 70s) my mom and dad(60s) my uncle and his wife(50s) my siblings(20s m&f) my sisters husband and kids(20s, 3f 6f), my 2 cousins and their families(30m, 20s m, 20sff, 8f, 7m, 3f, 2f, 2mo) and my BIL and SIL(30s).. we have a pretty big group but a ton of space, enough to host without it feeling crowded.

Now the problem with my family is they are needy for a lack of a better word. They are constantly needing my help and care. From my generation to my parents and uncle, to my grandmother. I barely have time to tend to my own family. It has me seriously considering getting rid of my phone because any time I have a call or a message, it's one of them. This makes my life beyond stressful and I've been slowly stopping all of the help. It's been a tough process but I'm getting there.

Easter dinner happened and all the adults were sitting around my livingroom talking and the kids were in the back yard playing(fenced in with sliding glass doors we had open where we could watch/hear them). We got on the subject of my families camping trip. My cousin asked why we didn't host big camping trips like I used to. I told him honestly because I'm using it as a time to fully connect with my husband and kids and disconnect from everyone else. He got aggravated saying I didn't need to disconnect from family, that it would be fun to have everyone together for a camping trip. I'll admit that it was childish but I asked him why. So I can take care of everyone on my break from them? Asked him what part would he contribute to, if him and his wife would be supplying their own gear, and if they were going to take care of their own kids on a camping trip. He raised his voice asking when has he ever made me do any of that? I snapped and said every single fing day. That I care for everyone 24/7 and I have my own life and family outside of taking care of them. My uncle got in my face and started yelling about me talking to his son like that. I told him I wouldn't if he would take care of his own drat kids instead of pushing it off on my. My mom tried to calm the situation but I was angry and turned on her yelling that she had no right to speak on the matter as she won't even fix her own drat food, that she expects me to do it because she's too lazy.

The dinner ended, everyone went home mad. My husband and in laws said my family had it coming and they knew it was only a matter of time but my grandma said I was in the wrong because we are all family and to just what family does for eachother.

AITA?

i thought ppl had ham for easter dinner, not hand. also lmao @ "why won't you let us come along on the vacation you're taking from us"

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:52

50s girl groupon: Jul 17, 2010; I woke up like this

Date yourself you weirdo

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:55

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# ? May 30, 2024 02:57

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Doctor J Off posted:

Today we find an engineer who describes himself as "not that picky":

I've ruled out every single venue for meeting people and I'm all out of ideas!

# ? Apr 11, 2022 16:59

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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