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I just realised I'm so autistic I think my friends like me. haha.My dad did, my brother and my son do, and i hosed up caring about the rest.
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Mar 4, 2022 02:10
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Hey, I'm autistic and I think I'd rather self-identify as non-binary rather than cis-male. Any advice or lived experience you are willing to share? Are hormones cool and good? Also, I'm working part time at Real Canadian Superstore and quite happy about the job so far. Mamkute fucked around with this message at 02:48 on Mar 6, 2022 |
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Mar 6, 2022 02:43
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Mamkute posted:Hey, I'm autistic and I think I'd rather self-identify as non-binary rather than cis-male. Any advice or lived experience you are willing to share? Are hormones cool and good? I'm nonbinary but AFAB, so my perspective on it is very internalized. I don't have plans to medical transition because I'm pretty ambivalent about my current body, but that means I have to contend with social dysphoria since I'm not out except to a few friends. I had to discover all this stuff on my own by being on the internet during the mid-late 2000s and while researching about Asexuality, I also came across the term "Neutrois" (which I didn't use because it's for people who wanted to medically transition,) which lead me to Agender (which is what I specifically use for myself in queer circles.) I came down on this when I realized that I did not identify with female but I have zero desire to be (or be seen as) male either.
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Mar 6, 2022 17:51
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Subbing to this thread because my boy (just turned 5) was officially diagnosed with autism today. I'm not sure how 'severe' it is because he does make eye contact, is emotionally aware, isn't bothered by loud noises, etc.. but he is struggling in some areas. We've been referred to some therapy places and are waiting to hear back.
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Mar 17, 2022 23:09
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bees x1000 posted:Subbing to this thread because my boy (just turned 5) was officially diagnosed with autism today. I'm not sure how 'severe' it is because he does make eye contact, is emotionally aware, isn't bothered by loud noises, etc.. but he is struggling in some areas. We've been referred to some therapy places and are waiting to hear back. Welcome to Holland Out of curiosity what made the doc refer you to get a diagnosis? For us it was lack of eye contact and not responding to his name, which the doc told us were some things to look for at the age of 2. I remember filling out the child wellness survey and my heart skipped a beat when I had to check "no" for a couple of those..I thought it was strange because I usually just go down the list and check the "right" things but it definitely wasn't the case for our kiddo. It was heartbreaking for a few months, but we just wanted him to be happy/healthy, and anything on top of that was just a bonus for us. We did lower our expectations a lot which I know sounds bad, but has helped us cope and get all the therapies in order which I recommend you do sooner rather than later.
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Mar 18, 2022 06:15
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bees x1000 posted:Subbing to this thread because my boy (just turned 5) was officially diagnosed with autism today. I'm not sure how 'severe' it is because he does make eye contact, is emotionally aware, isn't bothered by loud noises, etc.. but he is struggling in some areas. We've been referred to some therapy places and are waiting to hear back. If I may - It's controversial but theres a large community of people out there who think ABA is torture (it was founded by the guy who created gay conversion therapy for one) and they really hate autism speaks. My son is 3.5 and barely verbal and he has recently started to hit. A lot. Not sure how to stop.
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Mar 18, 2022 19:22
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Pillowpants posted:If I may - It's controversial but theres a large community of people out there who think ABA is torture (it was founded by the guy who created gay conversion therapy for one) and they really hate autism speaks. When our son would put everything in his mouth, so much so that it was causing problems and we were worried that he would develop a small bowl obstruction if we weren't on top of him 24/7 making sure he wouldn't swallow things he shouldn't, we would tell him "not in mouth" every time he put something non-food in his mouth. He eventually slowed down with putting things in his mouth and has mostly stopped. It took months though and we were as diligent as possible, because we were worried about him biting someone eventually. So my advice is a lot of repetition about not hitting, even if it seems like it's not effective. Sorry I don't have anything more concrete but I hope this helps or gives you some resolve at least. Edit: our son is also non verbal and was 3.5 years old when we started with the "not in mouth" stuff. cinnamon rollout fucked around with this message at 19:45 on Mar 18, 2022 |
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Mar 18, 2022 19:41
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cinnamon rollout posted:When our son would put everything in his mouth, so much so that it was causing problems and we were worried that he would develop a small bowl obstruction if we weren't on top of him 24/7 making sure he wouldn't swallow things he shouldn't, we would tell him "not in mouth" every time he put something non-food in his mouth. He eventually slowed down with putting things in his mouth and has mostly stopped. Is he completely non-verbal? or does he have echolalia?
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Mar 18, 2022 20:25
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My boy is struggling most with speech. He never says 'I' or 'me' and generally uses 1-3 word sentences, but will happily sing entire songs or reenact videos from memory. He's very social with adults but not social with his peers. He's also hung up on actually using the toilet. He's got complete control over his faculties, and loves sitting on the toilet, but we usually can't convince him to let go while he's there. Put him in underwear and he'll hold it in for 8+ hours until he explodes, or we put him in a pullup. So yeah, he's been potty trained for a year or two now, he just insists on going in the wrong place. He's a very visual learner and all potty training material I've found glosses over the specific act (understandably) so it hasn't helped. Pillowpants posted:If I may - It's controversial but theres a large community of people out there who think ABA is torture (it was founded by the guy who created gay conversion therapy for one) and they really hate autism speaks. bees x1000 fucked around with this message at 20:44 on Mar 18, 2022 |
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Mar 18, 2022 20:39
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Pillowpants posted:Is he completely non-verbal? or does he have echolalia? He will make some sounds like ge ge ge, and he used to shout out some vowels when we would do the alphabet (which he loved) like O and Y, you can sort of make out "go away' which he learned from another kid in his intermediate unit lol, he will also say "bye" and his teacher has reported him saying "jump" to jump on a trampoline. Two years ago he had pneumonia and in the hospital he kept pulling out his IV, it was brutal and the last time they put it in he would very clearly repeat bye bye and mama over and over, so he can sort of say things sometimes, but normally it's just happy sounds or upset sounds. cinnamon rollout fucked around with this message at 21:08 on Mar 18, 2022 |
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Mar 18, 2022 20:57
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There’s a good Facebook group called autism inclusivity run by by autistic adults. It’s certainly been a helpful learning experience. My son I guess isn’t totally non verbal, I guess. He has some words but he loses them a lot. His OT said something about gestalt learning. I’m pretty sure I’m autistic too after going through this. Explains so much
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Mar 18, 2022 23:55
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Pillowpants posted:There’s a good Facebook group called autism inclusivity run by by autistic adults. It’s certainly been a helpful learning experience. Yep, autism is highly heritable! Not everybody will necessarily have the same experience, but it's very common for traits to show up throughout entire families. I know that my dad and all of my siblings show some autistic traits, I'm just the only one who ever pursued a diagnosis.
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Mar 19, 2022 01:18
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The "cure" for autism promoted by Autism Speaks is eugenics. They fund prenatal screening research and not much else.
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Mar 19, 2022 01:28
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I am not going to say "never put a child in ABA," because that's not realistic for some people. Alternative therapies may not be available, and there's at least one case of parents getting reported to social services for trying to pull their child out of ABA. Furthermore, though the founding philosophy behind ABA (i.e., strict behaviorism) is fundamentally flawed, some ABA practices can be used ethically. (Though I do worry about how the certifying board and online ABA defenders tend to respond to criticism. "Not all ABA," like "Not all men," isn't a very helpful response to people currently facing abuse, and I shudder to imagine what kinds of things an organization that sanctions subjecting children to painful electrical shocks will go to bat for.) Plus, a lot of autism therapies will advertise themselves as ABA so they can get covered under insurance even if they don't use ABA practices. So you really have to do your due diligence when selecting an autism therapist for your child. Some things to consider: -Ethical autism therapy will focus on helping the child gain skills for navigating a neurotypical world, not on suppressing quirky but harmless behaviors. -Kids should be allowed to express negative emotions and enforce their own boundaries. They should not be forced to smile and act happy even when they're miserable, or to hug or kiss people they don't want to hug or kiss. Negative emotions and behaviors should be met with compassion, not punishment. -40 hours is a lot of time for a child to spend on therapy. Think how draining full-time jobs are for most adults -- now imagine how much harder it is for a little kid! They need breaks just like we do! Furthermore, long therapy sessions take away from time the child could spend socializing with peers or engaging in unstructured play, which is important for all children's brain development. -An important part of ABA is the use of positive reinforcement. While this can be a useful tool, take care that it's not used to coerce the child into accepting major discomfort for the sake of things they love. Positive reinforcement can also diminish internal motivation, so watch out if your kid is becoming too driven by the prospect of rewards and punishments. -Corporal punishment, such as spanking or putting hot sauce in the mouth, should not be tolerated. -Therapists should be flexible and match their work to the child's interests and needs. If something isn't working, they should try a new method or work on something else for a while instead of forcing the kid to get with the program. Special interests should be incorporated into instruction instead of discouraged. -Many autistic people experience apraxia, or difficulty with motor planning. This means an autistic person may understand what a therapist wants them to do and want to do it, but be unable to figure out how to make their body do the thing. Sensory processing issues may make certain textures, sounds, etc. uncomfortable or even painful to an autistic person. An autism therapist should be open to the possibility that a child is not obeying their instructions because they physically can't. -If a therapist catastrophizes about autism or the consequences of not doing their specific therapy, dismisses a parent's or guardian's concerns instead of working with them, or doesn't allow the parent or guardian to sit in on therapy sessions, that is a red flag. If the child starts exhibiting new or increased problem behaviors or negative emotions after starting the therapy, that is also a red flag. -Listen to autistic adults who've been through ABA and other autism therapies. They have insight into what worked and what didn't. More advice here. Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Mar 21, 2022 |
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Mar 21, 2022 21:43
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If any of you are into romance novels, I just read one with an autistic protagonist for my job at a student disability group. We started up a book club and this was the first pick. It's a smutty book but talks a lot about the autistic experience. The students I've talked to really liked the representation. Check it out if you're into this sort of thing! Always Only You.
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Mar 21, 2022 21:51
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https://twitter.com/criprights/status/1514000003836289025 I was having a tough day and this twitter thread made start crying because it made so much sense
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Apr 22, 2022 00:36
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Any of you adults out there remember how you felt/thought/saw the world when you were 4-5 years old? My boy is very smart and observant but because 95% of his verbal communication involves reciting his favorite movies/books/songs, it's very difficult to understand what he's picking up on and what's really going on in his head.
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Apr 22, 2022 00:58
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Violet_Sky posted:https://twitter.com/criprights/status/1514000003836289025 drat, this goes back to me realizing I probably am somewhere on the spectrum but just masking like crazy now. As a kid I absolutely loved the computer (and video games) because of that, and that's probably the same with my oldest son. He uses the computer and is super comfortable with it because for the most part if there are any mistakes/issues that crop up, it's "his fault" and doesn't get upset or anything like that. From what I can tell he just blames it on a bad input/command on his part and keeps going. With other things like dealing with people he gets flustered because they can be so drat unpredictable. Scripting only gets you part way there (mostly for things like going to the grocery store or taking the bus where there is very structured/limited interaction) and when his script stops working he just gives up.
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Apr 22, 2022 01:36
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bees x1000 posted:Any of you adults out there remember how you felt/thought/saw the world when you were 4-5 years old? My boy is very smart and observant but because 95% of his verbal communication involves reciting his favorite movies/books/songs, it's very difficult to understand what he's picking up on and what's really going on in his head. Sounds like your son is performing echolalia, the repetition of spoken words. I used to do this a lot when I was very small: forming sentences correctly was something I had to think about very hard, so it was often easier to repeat a phrase from a Disney movie instead of forming one of my own. I still use echolalia as an adult, though in different ways now that I have functional language skills. Sometimes I use memes and in-jokes with friends, sometimes I'll repeat instructions I've just gotten ("Buy eggs and milk. Right.") to show I understand what I'm supposed to do. Your son may be using neologisms, using phrases that have a specific meaning to him that are not clear to the people around him. One example of neologisms I have read about is an autistic person being told they couldn't watch their favorite video because "The TV is broken today," associating that phrase with emotional upset, and using the phrase "TV is broken" to express that emotion. This example and other ways autistic (and even non-autistic people) use echolalia are laid out in this blog post. One way to deal with neologisms is to model appropriate phrases for a situation. If your kid keeps repeating your question "Do you want a cookie?" when he means "I want a cookie," start saying "I want a cookie" when you are offering your child a cookie. If the child keeps echoing you saying "You're okay" when he's clearly scared and wants to be comforted, start saying "I'm scared" when you're comforting him. If you're not sure what a phrase means, examine the context. What is going on in the story when the character says the phrase? What is your child's emotional state when they use it? What kinds of events seem to trigger the phrase? Be open to the possibility that -- at least part of the time -- your son is not trying to communicate an idea at all and is just stimming by repeating a phrase. Best of luck!
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Apr 22, 2022 01:47
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that sure sounds like my boy. I should stress that what he's saying is never nonsense, and we generally understand what he wants, but he doesn't make language his own. He reuses phrases heard elsewhere in the correct context. I just wish he would tell me what he learned at school today, or what he had for lunch, or where it hurts.
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Apr 22, 2022 02:11
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Have been refused PiP in the UK, and two weeks later I realised what made me mad about it rather than upset when I sat up in bed with the realisation that I shouldn't have to justify to them how it impacts my life, it's a recognised condition and if they don't know what it is or how it affects people then all that demonstrates is their complete loving incompetence.
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Apr 22, 2022 04:18
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bees x1000 posted:Any of you adults out there remember how you felt/thought/saw the world when you were 4-5 years old? My boy is very smart and observant but because 95% of his verbal communication involves reciting his favorite movies/books/songs, it's very difficult to understand what he's picking up on and what's really going on in his head. Honestly, I don’t remember anything from my childhood beyond random flashes of a few things. I wish I had sought a diagnosis before or that my parents did.
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Apr 22, 2022 20:55
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Has anyone gotten an evaluation later in life? I am considering getting one for myself but not sure if it's helpful at all. My son is 9 and was diagnosed around 2. I'm almost 40 and for the most part seem to be fitting in as a neurotypical person, but my wife makes fun of me for some things I do that are hallmarks of ASD. She's the only one that's ever brought it up with me, so if I do get a diagnosis I would think it's no big deal, but also feel like it might be hard for someone to detect because I "know" what's "normal" and not.
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Apr 27, 2022 00:08
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I went for evaluation at age 25/26. Basically I was having issues at work and all the things I could find online pointed to autism. I specifically went to a neuropsychologist who had experience with autism in women. There was an initial screening session and then a day of tests (puzzle solving, memorizing lists, that sort of thing), so plenty of opportunities for the evaluator to break your mask  I told my coworkers about the diagnosis to put some of my actions into context and it's given me access to support groups, but I'd say the best value has been knowing that there's a reason I'm the way I am 
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Apr 27, 2022 01:07
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I went through the process in my early 30s just because I'd always suspected but wanted to know for sure, and I was finally in a position where I had the money and the mental energy to get around to doing it. There were a lot of questions about what I was like as a child because they want to know traits you've always had, even if you've learned to mask them as an adult.
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Apr 27, 2022 01:15
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Bank posted:Has anyone gotten an evaluation later in life? I am considering getting one for myself but not sure if it's helpful at all. My son is 9 and was diagnosed around 2. I started the process at 40 after a lifetime of underachieving, never quite fitting in, anxiety & depression. I was diagnosed with 'cognitive dyspraxia' after a few failed uni attempts at 20 and sort of accepted that was it, even though it didn't cover everything. Continued to have trouble holding down a job, meeting new people, just feeling like a real person instead of a fraud trying to play one. The kicker was when I started shutting down during arguments with my wife. CBT didn't work, antidepressants didn't work, and a bunch of other stuff started to click. I had sort of suspected it for a long time but had always felt functional 'enough' and attributed the problems to me just being crap. I started reading and thinking about it seriously when I found a Channel 4 quiz (which is no longer online) that ran alongside a documentary about ASD. A friend joked about his score being somewhere between neurotypical and autistic, so I took it and uhhh  After reading a lot more and doing a few more reputable tests (the aspergers subreddit recommended the RAADS-R test), I took printouts to my GP and anxiety babbled until they agreed to refer me. The NHS process in the UK takes about a year and a half, you have to push hard with your GP and go in with some more reputable tests to get a referral (or you can just go private if you can afford it). No idea how it works in the US, I guess if your provider covers it it's probably a lot faster? The two tests they did were the ADI-R and ADOS-2 tests, which are very much up for interpretation by the clinician doing them, not really something you can do yourself. The latter (the ADOS-2) was clearly designed for kids, particularly kids who have not learned to mask or question their own behaviour, which was a little embarrassing, and without the support of my parents to talk about my very young childhood, there were a few parts of the test we had to gloss over or best guess. But the upshot is that now have a report that finally answers the question I have been beating myself around the head with all these years. For me the most important thing about the process was that there were a lot more things that clicked during and after the diagnosis. Like I have never been able to tell if someone actually likes me, or if they're just being polite / playing along. I cannot imagine going up to someone I don't know at a bar or club and just talking to them. For the longest time I thought it was social anxiety (and even had CBT for it briefly) but it's rooted in not knowing how / locking up because it doesn't feel right/safe, not merely from lacking the confidence. So there very much is a point to diagnosis later in life. I understand myself and the things that went wrong in the past more. My marriage is better. I am taking steps toward looking for an occupation that works for me. I understand my stress thresholds better and now that I know better what it is that wears me out and overloads me, I can avoid pitfalls better. I mean, in my case it was very much a case of me not being a functional human being, and then finding out why.
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Apr 27, 2022 04:36
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I'm 35 and will have my first appointment for a diagnosis next week. I've had my suspicions for a while now, and recently decided that I wanted closure on this subject. When I told my husband, he admitted that he had wondered if I was on the spectrum on some occasions, but hadn't known how to bring it up. I think getting a diagnosis will help me understand myself better, and I'm hoping to get some advice on how to deal with stressful situations. One thing I'm not sure about is telling my family. I'm worried especially that my mom and sister won't believe me, they have a past history of downplaying things I say and telling me I misremember something or that it couldn't have been that bad. I worry that they might just decide I'm being melodramatic and tell me everybody is a bit like that. Wouldn't be the first time. The bad thing is, I told my husband about those worries to see if maybe I'd misunderstood things, but he's worried about that as well.
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Apr 27, 2022 07:45
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Having the diagnosis will help with that as well. My parents (particularly my mum) didn't believe the diagnosis of dyspraxia when I got it. Their doubt fed into my doubt of "what if I'm just lazy / sensitive / awkward / not that bright." I still haven't told them about the autism diagnosis and have just accepted that if they don't believe me, that's their problem. I know who I am, and a medical assessment agrees with me now. But for years I almost felt as though I didn't deserve a diagnosis. It was only when I was struggling in life anyway that I thought I needed to know, and went for it. I was really nervous just before in case the report came back negative, but I had already resolved knowing that something was wrong. If it had said it wasn't autism, I'd have pursued something else. In an ideal world I'd recommend that everyone with ASD get a formal diagnosis but I guess we don't live in an ideal world - there are huge waiting lists, expensive healthcare systems, and worst of all, there are still a lot of older medical professionals who are holding onto outdated ideas about what autism is. Bobby Deluxe fucked around with this message at 12:20 on Apr 27, 2022 |
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Apr 27, 2022 12:18
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Cloacamazing! posted:One thing I'm not sure about is telling my family. I'm worried especially that my mom and sister won't believe me, they have a past history of downplaying things I say and telling me I misremember something or that it couldn't have been that bad. I worry that they might just decide I'm being melodramatic and tell me everybody is a bit like that. Wouldn't be the first time. The bad thing is, I told my husband about those worries to see if maybe I'd misunderstood things, but he's worried about that as well. This is unfortunately super common with heritable brain stuff like ASD and ADHD. Because it runs so strongly in families, odds are that your family members genuinely think that the challenges they experience are completely "normal," particularly if the traits in question manifest less strongly in them or if they've managed to build reliable coping mechanisms. For a lot of people in that situation, to hear that they may actually have a condition threatens their self-image, leading them to shut down the idea or lash out.
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Apr 27, 2022 13:16
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You can always not tell your family about the results, or that you're getting tested at all. If you think they're going to be lovely about it, I don't see why you should.
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Apr 27, 2022 13:46
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I'm still on the fence about tellign them at some point, but only after getting an official diagnosis to support my claim. The therapist mentioned on the phone that she would like to have my parents fill out some questionnaire for the assessment, that's what got me thinking about it. I don't think they're going to be lovely about it on purpose if that makes sense?
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Apr 27, 2022 14:42
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Quorum posted:This is unfortunately super common with heritable brain stuff like ASD and ADHD. Because it runs so strongly in families, odds are that your family members genuinely think that the challenges they experience are completely "normal," particularly if the traits in question manifest less strongly in them or if they've managed to build reliable coping mechanisms. For a lot of people in that situation, to hear that they may actually have a condition threatens their self-image, leading them to shut down the idea or lash out. Coincidentally, that's a thought that struck me when I took that RAADS-R test just now*. For so many of the questions, my first thought was "who doesn't?" or "who would?". Sure, on a rational level I know there must be people who genuinely enjoy throwing big parties, meeting new people, or making small talk. But on an emotional, instinctual level it turns out I kind of assume that everybody secretly hates it as much as I do, and that they're just better at playing along than I am. *Ended up with a 147, when the threshold for an indication is 65+. Probably really should get a professional screening one of these days.
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Apr 27, 2022 15:16
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The Autism community accepts self diagnosis from what i Understand?
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Apr 27, 2022 17:57
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Pillowpants posted:The Autism community accepts self diagnosis from what i Understand? I was asking just to understand if a formal diagnosis has helped anyone. If someone formally evaluated and diagnosed me, at the least I think I would feel a sense of relief ("oh that's why I do things that way") or even potential bonding with my son ("hey son I've got it too but I got it under control").
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Apr 27, 2022 18:29
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If any Canadians want help getting the Disability Tax Credit or a Registered Disability Savings Plan, hit me up in PMs. Got a couple folks in the ADHD thread sorted out, so wanted to offer here too. No fee. It drives me a bit crazy how few people access those resources when so many qualify.
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Apr 27, 2022 19:33
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Hey gang! An autistic pal of mine has started a meetup group for autistic people in my town, and I'm going to help co-facilitate it pretty soon. We've met up twice now, and it was really great! Autistic friend George set up coloring books, tons of fidget stuff. Their adherence to making the environment as accessible and comfortable as possible is admirable, and something I'm going to struggle with as I try to help out. I'm so used to minimizing myself to make things as normal for neuro-typicals around me, I don't think of things that would actually make someone like me comfortable, instead. Last two times we met we hung out at a spacious bar where they did trivia, but it's not a great environment for people who might be sensitive to so much noise or a guy on a bad mic trying to shout trivia questions. I was hoping to poll you folks, to ask, if you were to go to a place where a bunch of autistic adults were meeting up, what sort of thing would help you feel most comfortable there, and what kind of location do you think would be best for you, and might help encourage interaction between the members of the group? For what it's worth, this is happening in Eugene Oregon. Suppose it's a big enough town that it's not unlikely there could be a couple goons here. If any of you could and would like to come to the meetups, I suppose let me know?
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May 5, 2022 19:38
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This might be thinking out the box, but pne thing that always put me off is transport. So maybe hire a minibus or transport service to pick up from / drop off at a safe location like a train / bus station?
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May 5, 2022 21:42
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credburn posted:I was hoping to poll you folks, to ask, if you were to go to a place where a bunch of autistic adults were meeting up, what sort of thing would help you feel most comfortable there, and what kind of location do you think would be best for you, and might help encourage interaction between the members of the group? If you liked the general direction of meeting up at a bar for trivia, but there were too many sensory issues, you could try a brewery instead. Plenty of those tend towards the quieter end of the spectrum and you might be able to find one with a side room you could use. Otherwise, maybe try a park! Grab a few picnic tables and have folks bring along whatever snacks and drinks they prefer, with enough to share if they're willing. Blankets and folding chairs make seating more comfortable for those who need it.
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May 5, 2022 23:02
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If it were me, I'd probably be more comfortable at a coffee shop than a bar -- preferably one with couches or comfy chairs to sit on. IME coffee shops are quieter than bars. But if this meetup happens in the evening, I bet that puts a wrench in things.
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May 5, 2022 23:07
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It could be worth checking with your local libraries if they have rooms available to be used for meet ups, if you just need a place to get together, and not a place with something else going on. Some have them, and might even have things like hook ups for laptops to show a movie or similar.
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May 6, 2022 01:39
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