Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA after I stopped helping my parents because of their favoritism?

MarcusSA posted:

It does but his saves weren’t in the cloud which is a good lesson for him to learn on its own.

Always back up your poo poo in case of psychopaths.

quote:

I (32f) have been married to my husband (34m) for 4 years now. We have been together for 7. We have a one year old.

I had only one ex and I had him blocked even before I met my husband. My ex had moved back to Ukraine that ended our relationship eventually a decade ago. Now that the war is happening I've been thinking about him and his safety and wanted to see if he was okay. But I did not as my husband will not like it. But a couple of weeks back I was so worried and was having nightmares. I unblocked him and my only concern was if he was alive. He was and had posted on his page that there were funds collected for Ukraine but it never reached them as people were pocketing the money. I was so sad to hear it and I responded asking for some authentic ways to send help and resources. He responded that he was happy to hear from me and sent me a few links and contacts. That was the end of the conversation, I had essentially sent only one text. The next day I asked my husband if we could send some money to help the Ukrainian people. He frowned and said he'll think about it. This could be because of his aversion to my ex and also because our finances are a bit tough. Then he texted later from work saying we could send and asked to wait to find the best ways. I showed him the links and said these are authentic. He asked how I know and I told him the truth.

He immediately stopped replying and came home. He asked me to get out. I showed him the texts and said that's all I've spoken.

I also told him how I've been feeling about the war and that I tried to speak to him about things but he was dismissive. He said I've cheated on him and asked me to leave or that he will.

I broke down crying and he packed a bag and left. He has sent an email saying he will forgive me and come back if I write down an acknowledgement and apology that I committed adultery and will never do it again. I refused and today he's sent me another email that he will file for divorce by the end of the month.

I've apologised several times over the last few days and have promised to go to therapy. My ex is blocked again. I simply don't know what else to do.

Please help

Edit: adding the following to help answer some questions in the comments.

My ex and I parted amicably. I did not ask him even how he was, just seeing him active on his page let me know he was alive and I was fine. The only message I sent was, "can you point me to resources that are authentic and will not be pocketed by others" he replied with links as well as a text saying he's happy to hear I was looking to help. That's all. I didn't even respond to that.

There's absolutely no past that can contribute to this fear. But my husband has always hated the mention of the country too. I tried to ask once to see if he'd be okay if I reached out. But even when I asked casually that we should check in on people that we know there, he said no need. We'll hear if they died. That's all.

Now he's asking for verbal acknowledgement of cheating if I don't want to put it on paper.

quote:

I never expected the original to blow up the way it did, and I thank each and everyone of you who took time to comment and also to dm me. I read all the advice and some of the comments really helped make sense of things. This is long and there's TLDR at the bottom.

Please forgive me if the link to the original doesn't work, I'm trying this for the first time. Also if it doesn't work please check the only other post in my profile if interested. Thanks.

Before the update, I wanted to address the questions that came up. -I and my husband are neither from Ukraine or Russia. So no political agenda here. -I did not dream of my ex but the situation in Ukraine. -Also we've sent money to charities and people in need before, so it wasn't unusual to discuss that.

On to the update, it's long and I can't begin to explain what I'm feeling about the stuff that went down in the last couple of weeks.

Almost immediately after posting the update, I called my husband and told him I was ready to give him what he wants(I just wanted him to come) and we will do it in person in a coffee shop near our place.I got a baby sitter and called his brother and his wife to accompany me during this conversation as I didn't want to be gaslit. I planned to tell the entire story and also that I will not be admitting to adultery. And if he needed to divorce me, he could but I won't be giving him anything.

He sounded smug and happy on the phone. It was an entirely different story when we met. The moment my husband saw his brother and SIL, he completely changed attitude. He came up and kissed me, he spoke to me as if we hadn't been fighting the last couple of weeks. I just started crying and he tried to tell it off to the others that I was just tired. But somehow I got to a point where I was able to tell the whole story. My brother in law was furious. He took all of us to his house and we sat down for a 4 hour talk. It was the worst moments of my life. There was so much screaming ( mostly me) crying and swearing.

Apparently some commenters were spot on in thinking there was more to this than what I knew. It goes back a decade. Just before my ex left to Ukraine, he did a 3 month course which included working in a firm that my husband interned in. They were acquaintances and apparently my husband saw me when I met my ex outside the building a few times. He asked my ex about me and once he found out that we were together, he backed off. The very day, my husband went to his brother and said he was going to break us up and that he would marry me someday. But almost within the month my ex left to Ukraine and we broke up amicably a year from then. Once my ex posted something on fb indicating a break up, my husband reached out to him and asked to set us up. My ex refused. And my husband found someone else to set us up and that's how we met. Once he got a chance to meet me, my husband reached out to my ex and asked him to block me and assure him that he would never try to get me back.

My ex refused, but he finally agreed to ask me to block him and if I agreed so be it. And that's the reason I blocked him, my ex asked me. And he said it would be best for us both. I found it insulting and immediately blocked him and he stayed blocked. Following which I met my husband, dated, engaged and married. So for the last 8 years, my husband has been manipulating every single situation around me. And for him it's always been a threat that my ex refused to block me or even stop trying to get back at some point. And the reason for the extreme reaction now was because, wait for it, my ex reached out on a WhatsApp group that my husband is part of asking for help to accommodate some members of his family. So my husband was paranoid that he would reach me. And he was very weird with me because he was always suspicious that I was secretly in touch with him since the war started. And he knows I break easily and thought by pushing me to write this acknowledgement of adultery, he'll be able to hold it over my head all my life. And I would give him access to control all my communications and he can monitor my every move.

Once all of this came out ( from both my husband and some from his brother) my husband started crying and asking me to forgive him. He begged for another chance and said he'll get help. I'll forever be grateful to my brother in law for what he did. He asked my husband to leave, he and his wife picked up my daughter and some stuff from my house. He set up their guest room and thats where I am staying since. He hasn't let my husband see me since. He apologised for all the things that he knew about (especially stuff before we got married) and didn't tell me.

My husband has been trying to reach me non stop. I spoke to my ex to collaborate the story and he apologised for his role.

To be honest I can't accept anyone's apology at this point. I feel so done and I'm applying for divorce tomorrow. I'll be starting therapy next week. Thanks for reading and giving your input but I really don't even know where to start and process this. I've left out a lot of details and to be honest I still feel like there's so much I don't know. I'm either numb or crying my eyes out all the time. But I appreciate each and everyone who took time to check up. And sorry the update is long and not what people might have hoped.

TLDR: My husband has always manipulated me and I'll be filing for divorce.

Soylent Pudding posted:

She said she wanted to capture the moment of my happiness, it wasn't about Instagram/TikTok clout or whatever. She thought I would be ecstatic and wanted to have that moment captured forever. I told her I understood that.

Yvonmukluk posted:

I want to believe the brother was that wannabe Don Draper who had a bottle of scotch on his desk.

nunsexmonkrock posted:

Ugh, I haven't touched my PS4 in so long I forgot about the saves, but yeah from what I remember they can be put on a flash drive.

Hughlander posted:

My husband says I cheated because I texted my ex in Ukraine.


UPDATE

nunsexmonkrock posted:

Does the PS5 play PS4 games? If not person is still owed a new PS4. Hell even if so they are still owed a new PS4.

E: should have refreshed the page.

haveblue posted:

AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE

Seth Pecksniff posted:

i can't adequately state what i'm thinking so have a large stare emoji

Halloween Jack posted:

I've been reading that Lundy Bancroft book that was mentioned ITT, and wowie zowie it's pretty enlightening! Truly, nothing in the back half of the story was really that surprising, not after the setup.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Trust isn't just about trusting someone's morals and loyalty, but also judgement, and you can't trust someone who is so ignorant and impulsive that they'll do such incredibly stupid things.

Soylent Pudding posted:

Found it.

Original Title: (28/M) My girlfriend (26/F) broke my PS4 and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I don't really know where to go from here.

update

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Trust isn't just about trusting someone's morals and loyalty, but also judgement, and you can't trust someone who is so ignorant and impulsive that they'll do such incredibly stupid things.

MarcusSA posted:

It does but his saves weren’t in the cloud which is a good lesson for him to learn on its own.

Always back up your poo poo in case of psychopaths.

Hughlander posted:

My husband says I cheated because I texted my ex in Ukraine.


UPDATE

Halloween Jack posted:

Nah, he's the guy who drank absinthe in the bathroom before a job interview.

Hughlander posted:

My husband says I cheated because I texted my ex in Ukraine.


UPDATE

Vim Fuego posted:

Yvonmukluk posted:

OH god I don't remember this one, please tell me you have a link.

pentyne posted:

AITA for drinking absinthe at a job interview?

Ok, so I know the title sounds bad, but bear with me - I had my reasons.

So, I (22M) have been really struggling to find a job since I graduated this summer. I'm searching in a highly competitive field (think finance), and yesterday was the first time I interviewed somewehre.

I took a small shot of absinthe when I woke up, just to settle my nerves a little. (Side note - my Grandad was of Czech origin, and he LOVED absinthe. He even used to brew it himself. My final birthday present from him was a novel 200 ml bottle he brought from his homeland. Unfortuantely, he passed away a couple weeks ago, so I decided to pour one out for him to ensure good luck in my interview.)

However, by the time I was sat in the company's waiting room, the effects had completely worn off. I started to feel sick with nerves - the pressure of the interview stage was getting to me after months of writing applications. I decided to sneak off to the toilet to take a couple of pre-interview shots to calm my nerves. The interview that followed actually went really well - I had great chemistry with the interviewer, and we were laughing, flirting etc.

The problem came when I, very stupidly, decided to sneak in another shot (for good luck) before the final interview with the CEO. Sadly, she emerged from her office precisely as I was mid-gulp. She looked horrified, and told me to leave the building. I tried to explain to her about my anxiety, and how I was simply medicating it, but she wouldn't listen and called security to take me away. Afterwards, I sent the company an apology e-mail and asked for another chance, but they haven't yet replied.

My mother thinks I'm an rear end in a top hat for drinking at all and called me an alcoholic, (she doesn't really understand alcohol,) but my brother 'doesn't see the issue' as long as I wasn't drunk.

So Reddit - who is the rear end in a top hat? Me for drinking before a job interview, or the CEO lady for not listening / calling security?

Hughlander posted:

My husband says I cheated because I texted my ex in Ukraine.


UPDATE

RoastBeef posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?noseen=1&threadid=3982535&pagenumber=443&perpage=40&highlight=absinthe#post521017816

pentyne posted:

"I took several shots of absinthe to calm my nerves"

"The interview went great we had great chemistry, we were laughing, flirting etc."

There's a few other HOF work drunk ones

- Mad Man wannabe gets caught drinking at 10am, responds angrily to the VP's email about his behavior by suggesting he have a drink, then in the HR meeting tries to offer the HR rep a drink
- Guy who takes 5-10 shots on lunch and goes back to his QA lab job (where being drunk is possibly a felony)
- 30s Bar manager who hangs out drinking with his underage staff after hours buying them booze
- Gym coach husband buying alcohol for his students/team and the OP wife asking if it was okay to be worried

quote:

My girlfriend Helen and I had been together 5 years, living together 3, when she was killed by a drunk driver last year in October. My world fell apart. I quit my job and moved back in with my parents, went to therapy, and it was a really hard time for me where I contemplated suicide a lot. I'm finally coming out of it and even had my first date last week, but now something is happening that is setting me back.

Helen's birthday was at the end of October and she loved Halloween, and I saw on Facebook that there was a memorial bike ride/event for her on Halloween...that no one invited me to. I hadn't even heard about it and the event had existed for months.

This is an ongoing problem. Her family completely stopped talking to me after her funeral except for a few logistical things through her sister Lindsey (30ishF). Lindsey never liked me much but she was really harsh with me because she didn't think I was cleaning my stuff out of our apartment fast enough, and because of a mixup with a piece of jewelry (I took a necklace of Helen's when I moved out because she always wore it on dates and it was special, but it apparently was a family heirloom and her family acted like I stole it).

I RSVP'd to the event and within a few hours I got an e-mail from Helen's best friends Lisa and Katie and both her sisters. Basically they told me to remove myself from the event, and dropped a few bombshells. The main points of the e-mail were:

1) Helen was really unhappy in our relationship and finally had the nerve to leave right before she died 2) They knew that Helen was running an errand I was 'too lazy' to do when she died because she texted them really upset about it. 3) They had all watched me make Helen miserable and drag her down for years and I was basically the last person they wanted at her memorial. 4) Helen's parents hate me too and don't want me there.

I feel like poo poo. They also included some other stuff, calling me a cheater (we had an incident a few years ago where I got caught with Tinder on my phone, but I didn't cheat with anyone, just played around with it), accusing me of stealing from her, and of being drunk/high at her funeral and embarrassing everyone (which is true but I was a loving mess).

I don't know what to do. She was my girlfriend, and I should be at her memorial. I also don't believe them, I think they're projecting not liking me onto her. Our relationship wasn't perfect but I don't think she hated me.

TLDR: My girlfriend died last year and her friends/family disinvited me from her memorial because they said my girlfriend was about to dump me and everyone hates me.

pentyne posted:

"I took several shots of absinthe to calm my nerves"

Soylent Pudding posted:

There was also an ask a manager where the 20s something manager tried to freeze out a mid 30s employee, specifically selected for the role by upper management, until she quit because she wasn't cool with on the clock happy hours and other "she just doesn't fit into our culture" bullshit. Dude couldn't understand why everyone was telling him he was a terrible manager and going to get destroyed by corporate until it all fell apart on him.

Soylent Pudding posted:

Original Title: (28/M) My girlfriend (26/F) broke my PS4 and doesn't understand why I'm so upset. I don't really know where to go from here.

Rescue Toaster posted:

I'm trying to picture the mechanics of pulling the PS4 'out of the wall' without warning and throwing it on the ground in just a few seconds. Especially with likely a captive ethernet cord attached and presumably throwing it onto carpet. And then suddenly kneeling down and smashing it with a hammer so fast you could obliterate the hard drive without someone jumping up to stop you.

They look pretty tanky, and there's another metal cage around the hard drive. I feel like you'd really have to try deliberately to take it out quickly. The whole thing just feels pretty ridiculous if you try to actually picture it. Also it says she was 'recording everything with her phone' so apparently she did all this one-handed! Pretty loving impressive.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I once worked with a guy that I saw drinking hand sanitizer.

quote:

I’m 32M and work in the tech industry. Some months ago a junior engineer joined the team and I was responsible for mentoring her. She’s a bright, talented young woman with an impressive story. She’s also the only woman - and the only ethnic minority - on the team.

At the start M was pretty quiet and mostly kept to herself. She joined us at a time we were exclusively WFH and most of the team had only a vague idea of what she looks like since she never turns on her camera (not that there’s an issue with that). However over the last month or so she was clearly warming up to the team and even making jokes.

Last week we had our first team meet up since the company relaxed rules. M came and it was the first time we saw her in person. The situation was highly awkward as a noticeable shift occurred. M is physically attractive and it’s clear that it caught everyone off guard.At one point M asked to speak with me in private and so we did. She asked me what’s going on and why everyone is being weird and ignoring her. (For example one colleague almost spilled his drink on her and instead of apologising he just took off in a hurry).

I explained that they’re a little intimidated and surprised but that it’s nothing to worry about. She was confused and I explained that her appearance and demeanour aren’t something the guys are used to. She asked me what that meant and I said that she looks great and carries herself in an elegant, respectable way.

After our conversation she seemed even more withdrawn and uncomfortable. Nobody else made the effort to engage with her so I made sure to include her.

I’ve discussed this situation with my wife and she thinks I’m a major rear end in a top hat. She insisted that I shouldn’t have told M that her appearance was the reason everyone avoided her because that puts the burden on M. According to her I clearly made her feel bad and self-conscious.

She also said that my team are a bunch of “scared little boys” who would rather stick to “their little boy groups” instead of humanising and interacting with women.

She said she feels sorry for M for having to put up with “fragile tech bros” and hopes that this incident doesn’t affect her confidence going forward. I explained to her that she must understand that a bunch of pasty, nerdy tech dudes wearing T-shirts are obviously going to feel intimidated when their coworker is an attractive woman with exotic looks. My wife rolled her eyes and said that I’m ridiculous.

Ever since this incident M has resumed to being quiet at work. Our professional relationship hasn’t changed but she’s clearly not warming up to anyone anymore.

So am I the rear end in a top hat?

Edit: Ok, ok, I get it. Calling someone “exotic” is bad. I get it.