quote:

While Donald Trump was reported to be obsessed with "the gorilla channel" during his presidency (a channel which had a 24 hour feed of nothing but gorilla-based nature footage), Joe Biden is reported to be obsessed with "the bunny channel."

In recent weeks, Biden, the former vice president, has repeatedly voiced fondness for the channel, which is dedicated to the preservation of the American rabbit and rabbit-themed entertainment (in particular, he seems to have a fixation with rabbits and the music video for Bunnyman, a song that appeared on the Animal Crossing: New Leaf soundtrack). His obsession has reportedly gotten to the point where he'd even use it as a means of self-defense during press conferences and debates (if pressed on a question about the economy or health care, he'd turn the question around and say something along the lines of, "We can't afford to lose rabbits in this country, there are millions of rabbits").

His fixation has been so overwhelming, in fact, that even some prominent Democrats feel that he's become a security risk, leading to a plan to force him to watch the bunny channel for at least 30 days in an attempt to "reset" the old curmudgeon's brain.

Biden's fixation with the bunny channel reportedly began when he visited a pet store and saw a rabbit plush toy that looked remarkably similar to the bunny plush toy featured in Bunnyman's music video. After taking a few selfies with the bunny, he reportedly fell so deeply in love with the rabbit toy that he had to buy it for himself, then promptly brought it home to watch it every single day.

After doing so for a week, he allegedly tried to show it to his wife (by "snuggling the rabbit" or "placing the bunny on top of his wife" in an act of affection that's almost certainly a euphemism for "putting the rabbit on top of his wife" and then immediately regretting it). While Biden's wife has been reported to try to discourage his obsession, Biden reportedly won't budge until she agrees to watch the bunny channel every day for 30 days, which is probably why Biden is threatening to file a civil lawsuit against her if she doesn't comply.

After 30 days of daily bunny watching, Biden's brain is supposedly supposed to have been "reset" to a state of neutrality, after which point he should be able to once again hold down a job.

quote:

While Donald Trump was reported to be obsessed with "the gorilla channel" during his presidency (a channel which had a 24 hour feed of nothing but gorilla-based nature footage), Joe Biden is reported to be obsessed with "the gorilla channel" at a deeper, and far more alarming level.

On Thursday night, the former vice president took to Twitter, to tweet out "The gorillas are pissed off!"

With no explanation, Biden simply tweeted out a screencap of a Gorillas International Facebook page, in which a number of gorillas that were killed by a poacher, are complaining that they had to spend the last year of their lives in a zoo. The page describes the men who killed the gorillas as "bad and evil".

"We were like zoo animals! What are we now???!" the gorillas wrote in the video.

"The gorillas are pissed off!" the tweet concluded.

Joe Biden has frequently been compared to a gorilla and his penchant for physical contact with people can often be interpreted as physical dominance.

It is not entirely clear how an actual gorilla would respond to an insult like Joe Biden's Tweet. A gorillas does have a reputation for being fierce and intimidating but it is highly unlikely that they would consider the tweet equivalent to an insult.

quote:

While Donald Trump was reported to be obsessed with "the gorilla channel" during his presidency (a channel which had a 24 hour feed of nothing but gorilla-based nature footage), Joe Biden is reported to be obsessed with "dinner parties," and this obsession has taken him to "crazy-levels" according to his allies.

“He’s done some crazy things,” Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-N.D.) said. “Just talking to the people that have been around him, like I have, they think he’s at a different level of crazy.”

“I was at his second inaugural, and at that inaugural there was a dinner, and he had a bunch of politicians sitting in a room around a table,” Cramer said. “I was the only person in that room. I’m sure it was a lot of fun. He liked to do a lot of dinners.”

“He also likes to eat a lot of food,” Cramer said.

“And he likes to drink a lot of alcohol.”

Technocrat posted:

https://twitter.com/hardmaru/status/1524904309472874497?t=PZOjarmZZRVVW9Vk_F1wrA&s=19

https://twitter.com/hardmaru/status/1524911887003025418?t=KwEGW2j4N_v36hfqgkkKHw&s=19

quote:

Cyberpunk Garfield

Cyberpunk Garfield is a 2019 American action science fiction superhero comedy film directed by Jake Castorena and starring Garfield the cat, Jordan Clarkson, Will Ferrell, and Mark Hamill. It is a remake of the 1992 film, Garfield: The Movie, with the characters, story, and premise all redone with the cat from the original film. It was theatrically released in the United States on April 13, 2019, by Universal Pictures. A sequel, entitled Cyberpunk Cinema: Dream City, is set for release on October 5, 2020.

Plot

In the near future, a computer chip implanted in Garfield's head allows him to dream of a city called Cyber City, which has been constructed in an abandoned nuclear power plant. As a result, he has trouble sleeping and seeks a psychiatrist's help. Meanwhile, his owner Jon Arbuckle, who works as a professional clown, is about to marry Lois Tinsdale, a woman who worked as a lawyer, but he is distracted by his dream of Cyber City.

While working late at his office at Arbuckle's Acme Products, Jon dreams that he arrives at the power plant but discovers it to be a huge underground gambling complex. The casino's owner, "Mr. Figg", is a sadistic owner who plans to take over the world's Internet by corrupting all computer programs and shutting down all cybercrime and hacking by using a "Super Virus". After Jon is nearly murdered by Figg's henchmen, he is saved by Lois who has secretly come to the casino after being fired for trying to expose Figg's activities. Figg calls Lois' estranged husband in order to lure her to the casino. However, Lois learns about Figg's plot from Jon and warns her friends, Joe Swanson and Janice Deighan. When Figg's henchmen nearly arrest Jon, Janice reveals that she and Joe are aware of Figg's plan and will expose him to the government.

Meanwhile, Garfield dreams of Figg's henchman, Mr. Meekers, shooting him in the leg and getting into an argument with Garfield about politics. Garfield imagines the pair ending their debate and becoming friends before waking up. Joe and Janice visit Figg's office at night and steal the Super Virus, but are discovered by him, who captures them. Jon saves them and Figg's henchmen attempt to arrest him, but Janice reveals that she is a former member of Figg's security team who no longer has loyalty to Figg. Figg offers her a job as his partner, and she, Joe, and Jon flee the casino in the back of his armored truck. After arriving at the power plant, they destroy Figg's servers with the Super Virus before Jon's dream changes to a dystopian Cyber City in which Figg is imprisoned. Figg then appears, revealing that he has become the city's new leader and his henchmen prepare to hunt the trio.

Meanwhile, the police arrive at the casino in search of Jon, who is hiding from them in the employee cafeteria. Figg offers to free Jon in exchange for Lois' safe return, but she refuses. As Figg is about to begin a speech that has been prerecorded by his henchmen, he shoots Jon in the chest, leaving him for dead. Lois and her friends arrive in the armored truck and discover that the Super Virus has been removed, but Lois and Figg are captured by his henchmen. As Jon, Joe, and Janice race to the casino, Figg's henchmen corner them with their weapons. As they prepare to open fire, the Super Virus is installed in Jon's head. He and the henchmen open fire on each other, destroying the Super Virus and leaving Jon and Figg as the only survivors.

quote:

My favorite children's book is "What The Dog Doin." Here is the text from each of the 10 pages, along with a description of the picture on each page:

Page 1: "The dog in the yard has done a lot of barking today."
Page 2: "The dog in the yard has a bone in his throat."
Page 3: "The dog in the yard thinks the world of himself."
Page 4: "The dog in the yard says all is fair in love and war."
Page 5: "The dog in the yard has not caught any mice lately."
Page 6: "The dog in the yard thinks some day he'll get a prize."
Page 7: "The dog in the yard is barking at a star."
Page 8: "The dog in the yard is barking at a truck."
Page 9: "The dog in the yard says he'll keep on barking until somebody stops and listens."
Page 10: "The dog in the yard is barking at a tree."

quote:

My favorite children's book is "What The Dog Doin." Here is the text from each of the 10 pages, along with a description of the picture on each page:

What the Dog Doin

My dog runs on four legs.

But my dog can fly in the air.

His head is so big,

It looks to me like a balloon.

My dog has a tail

That makes him look like a kite.

He can run faster than I can.

But he can't jump.

So I guess what the dog doin is

Bein a dog and living on four legs.

How the Dog Got His Name

My dog got his name when he was six years old.

He had a collar on,

And a tag inside.

His tag said:

What The Dog Doin.

And on the tag there was a picture.

A picture of a dog.

And under the picture it said:

My dog's name is: What the Dog Doin.

My dog's Mom said he was the best dog she'd ever seen.

And my dog said, "Thank you for thinking so."

My dog ran up to a boy

And said, "What does the dog doin?"

The boy looked at the dog's tag,

And then looked at the dog.

He said, "I guess he's doin'

What his name says on his tag."

quote:

[b]My favorite children's book is "What The Dog Doin." Here is the text from each of the 10 pages, along with a description of the picture on each page:[b]

Page 1: What the dog is doing: He's chasing the cat.
Page 2: What the cat is doing: He's trying to get away.
Page 3: What the dog is doing: He's chasing the cat some more.
Page 4: What the cat is doing: He's trying to get away.
Page 5: What the dog is doing: He's chasing the cat some more.
Page 6: What the cat is doing: He's running away.
Page 7: What the dog is doing: He's chasing the cat.
Page 8: What the cat is doing: He's trying to get away.
Page 9: What the dog is doing: He's chasing the cat some more.
Page 10: What the cat is doing: He's trying to get away.

I'd love to read the same book, for 10 weeks, to my three children.

feedmyleg posted:

Icedude posted:

Huh, I wonder what the Reddit GPT2 bots are up to...

nottheonionGPT2Bot posted:

That's a lot of spider for one house.

KozmoNaut posted:

UK very small.

fermun posted:

quote:

Pros and cons of replacing all human hands with the concept of time:

1. We’ll have to learn a new language — Time language

This is probably the easiest and most important point to make. There will be no way to write the code in the Time language until a Time is fully-functional and available to humans. At this time it’s not an option, but hopefully we’ll have an AI that can communicate on the Time language that we can use as a guide for development.

2. You’ll have to wait — Time for development

3. You won’t be able to create and maintain your app without an expensive, powerful, Time-based app — until it’s time

If we’re going to replace all hands with Time, then in order to create an app and update it with Time, we’ll have to wait for all hands to be replaced and then create and develop our new app. This means that we’ll have to

quote:

Pros and cons of replacing all human hands with the concept of time:

Advantages
• You no longer have to worry about making mistakes.
• You're in the same place as other people.
• You have no one to kill you.
• You are very attractive, to some women.
• You can find other rich single women to date.
• Women are attracted to your looks, intelligence, personality, and sense of humor.
• You are very good at using chopsticks.
• Your salary never goes up.
• You are free to have affairs.
• You don't need to wear a tie.
• It's never too late to change your life.
• You can be there for dinner at a moment's notice.
• You don't have to have a job.
• You don't have to go to an office.
• The company sends you to lots of exotic destinations.

quote:

Senator The Zodiac Killer famously names and cares for each of his bowel movements. This is a list of his favorite poop names:
1: “The Beast”
2: “The Beast From Texas”
3: “The Lion”
4: “The Lizard”
5: “The Lion of Texas”
6: “The King of Spiders”
7: “Hercules”
8: “The Great Red Dragon”
9: “The Blue Beast”
10: “Dragon”
11: “The Blue Dragon”
12: “Huge Beast”
13: “The Beast of the South”
14: “The Blue Beast of Texas”
15: “Vicious Beast”
16: “Wyvern”
17: “The Great Red Dragon”
18: “The Horned Beast”
19: “The Green Dragon”

quote:

Pros and cons of replacing all human hands with the concept of time:

Advantages
• You no longer have to worry about making mistakes.
...

a lotta yall still dont get it posted:

ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape

so if you have 1 astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes

Tonight's slurp juice mint event is essentially a minting event for both Lab Monkes and Special Forces Monkeys. All special forces monkeys (that includes the Space Force, Biotic Assault Force, and Anti-Personnel Force) that are assigned to an astro ape (as per their standard assigned role) will be minted. And all astro apes will be minted.

While they are minting, both squads will be working toward their next mission to the Space Station and the Biotic Assault of an enemy target. These missions will be announced later. This is in addition to any monkeymint that has been assigned to the astro ape, meaning there may be up to 3 monkeys minting at once. They will be available for in game rewards while minting. The Lab Monkee mint will not have a corresponding event or assignment (it's just for flavor), but the special forces monkeys that are minting will be able to participate in any special monkeymint (that is, any monkeymint where you are looking to mint your monkeys) but not in Lab Monkeymint. Lab Monkee mints will be the same as normal Lab Monkee mints and will be available for any astro ape.

a lotta yall still dont get it posted:

ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape

so if you have 1 astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes

Tonight's slurp juice mint event is essentially a minting event for both Lab Monkes and Special Forces

Lab Monke...

This one is easy,

1) put the lab monkee in the water with 1 of your special forces monkeys.

2) turn the water temp up to 100 and cook the monkee for 1 minute.

3) remove from heat, pop out the monkee and give the monkee the full blast mint treatment.

For a full time job for 1:30 per hour I would say 10 minutes is enough time, but if you feel the need to do it faster, 1 minute 30 is ok too.

4) take it out of the water.

5) flip the monkee and repeat.

In the next day or two we'll do two to four of these per monkee.

Special Forces Monkees...

This one is a little harder to set up, but it works.

1) use 5 of your Special Forces monkees and add one special sauce to it...

2) then make 3 ape holders and give them 3 different kinds of sauces.

So we'll have 1 monkee with apple sauce, another monkee with strawberry sauce, and the third monkee will have the original slurp juice that was poured on it while it was cooking.

3) after all are done we'll just move them all to the mint tank and wait for a few days.

This should create a nice mint and spice flavor to the entire tank.

a lotta yall still dont get it posted:

ape holders can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape

so if you have 1 astro ape and 3 slurp juices you can create 3 new apes

Tonight's slurp juice mint event is essentially a minting event for both Lab Monkes and Special Forces

There are 2 types of Monkeys, regular lab monkeys that you can earn with normal slurry mining or your own special slurp juice

then there are special forces that you earn the most of the slurry and can be trained and used for any mission a special forces monkey can earn over 25 special force monkeys and earn more special force juices, you can only use your special force juicers for special force missions

There is a chance that Monkeys, Lab and Special forces will all spawn at the same location from time to time, in that case I am pretty sure they will all be in the same room/mine, but it's not confirmed.

you do not have to wait on the Slurp juice to turn green, you can put it on an ape while it's red and you'll still be able to earn the monkeys

The only slurry mine that's a problem is the purple slurry mine where you have to wait for the purple slurry to turn green before you can mine it

I am making an exception for those people who are stuck at purple slurry where they can't find a green slurry to use. For the time being, this is being considered a 1 year event where the slurry mining will be enabled on purple slurry and all the monkeys that have already spawned will be there.

So far there is a total of 5 monkeys, 5 lab monkeys, 10 special force monkeys and 9 special juice flavors to earn.

Reive posted:

Splicer posted:

I'm a bit behind the meme times on this one but

Samovar posted:

You could circulate that poo poo on cryptocurrency boards and have people throwing money at you.

quote:

"If you could choose any primate to be the father of your child, which would it be?"
Erin considered the question only briefly before answering.
"I would choose a gorilla," she replied.
"Why a gorilla?"
"Because, despite their reputation for being aggressive, they're actually gentle and sweet when you get to know them."
"So the primate that would be least likely to beat up its kid?"
"Yes."
"So the gorilla would be the father of your child?"
"That is right."
"Why would your husband choose a gorilla over you?"
"You don't understand. He chose the gorilla."

DarkDobe posted:

Turning towards the ocean, she flipped it the bird. "Wow," said the waves, "loving rude," and at once the ocean left. With no water, she could not be drowned.
...
He was death, and this was the trailer for Final Destination 47.
...
She would go to the beaches where she had drowned her victims, and she would scour the forests where she had left their bodies. She would find him, and when she did, she would kill him.
...
It was difficult to drown people when she was only a little potato baby, so she had to trick them into lying face down as the tide came in. Their skeletons remained where they always were, picked clean by crabs. Radical.
...
There he was, in the forest! She lunges at him, and feeds him a peanut. He is allergic, and dies instantly. His corpse doesn't even land in a funny pose.

Brawnfire posted:

I love music

quote:

BREAKING NEWS: FORMER 'BEATLES' MEMBER JOHN LENNON FOUND ALIVE, SECRETLY MASQUERADING AS PUBLIC FIGURE
In a truly shocking turn of events, former member of The Beatles John Lennon, thought killed by a mentally ill fan in 1980, was discovered this morning to be alive and well living under an assumed identity. He had apparently been going under the celebrity alias of an old man named “George Starling.”

Lennon, now in his 70’s, had made sure to continue his musical career and had played at least one sold out performance in New York, to an enthusiastic crowd. However, since the discovery of Lennon’s true identity the news has shocked the nation. Lennon recently gave a lecture at a local private school, in which he explained the details of how he had faked his own death. Lennon himself explained he felt like it was the right thing to do since he was tired of living the kind of life that would only end up in prison.

With all the recent developments, Lennon’s death is now a major topic of discussion in the United States. As the news spreads Lennon himself has expressed that he has no regrets and would do it all over again.

“I would like to thank you all for coming out to my recent lecture on how I faking my own death,” John Lennon began. “In hindsight, there’s nothing more satisfying than to realize that my death was just a public farce, and I faked it just to save myself from boredom. You know what I mean?”

Lennon then paused for a long time, before finally shaking his head, “Not really.”

When Lennon returned to the microphone, he cleared his throat before continuing, “Anyway, it’s great to be back. I played a show in New York and it was very successful.”

Then, when Lennon turned back to the audience, he smiled, “I’m sorry, I was just reliving all the excitement, which made my throat sore. But I remember, that was a good time.”

When Lennon turned back to the microphone, he continued to smile, “Speaking of New York, I want to say that, although I have always had my faults, I’m proud to be a New Yorker. Especially after these past few days of being a New York Yankees fan. I know it sounds crazy.”

Then, he laughed, “And, of course, I love a good double-dog."

After several seconds, Lennon then continued, “Okay, enough about all the happy stuff. I’m here today to discuss the current state of the United States."

Here is the first page of a screenplay of an episode of Sesame Street written by Quentin Tarantino posted:

FADE IN: EXT. SESAME STREET - DAY
Big Bird is walking down the street, minding his own business, when a car pulls up next to him.
BIG BIRD: What's up?
CARRIE: Hey, Big Bird! What are you up to?
BIG BIRD: Just walking around, enjoying the day.
Carrie opens the door and steps out.
CARRIE: Do you want to go for a ride?
BIG BIRD: Sure!
Carrie gets back in the car and Big Bird gets in the passenger seat.
CARRIE: Where to, Big Bird?
BIG BIRD: I don't know. Wherever you want to go.
CARRIE: Great! I know just the place.
The car drives off.

CUT TO: EXT. ANOTHER STREET - DAY
The car pulls up to a seedy looking building.
CARRIE: This is the place.
BIG BIRD: What is this place?
CARRIE: It's a club. A club for birds.
BIG BIRD: I don't know if I should go in there.
CARRIE: Don't be a chicken, Big Bird. It'll be fun.
BIG BIRD: I don't know...
CARRIE: Come on, Big Bird. Live a little.
Big Bird reluctantly agrees and they get out of the car.

CUT TO: INT. THE CLUB - DAY
The inside of the club is dark and dingy. There are a few birds sitting around, drinking and smoking.
CARRIE: Hey, everybody! This is Big Bird. The birds all turn to look at Big Bird.
BIG BIRD: Hi.
One of the birds, a scruffy looking crow, gets up and walks over to them.
SCRUFFY: Who let a little chicken like you in here?
BIG BIRD: I'm not a chicken. I'm a bird.
SCRUFFY: Whatever. You're not welcome here.
CARRIE: Scruffy, don't be such a party pooper.
SCRUFFY: This is a club for birds, not chickens. Get out.
BIG BIRD: I don't want to cause any trouble. I'll go.
Big Bird turns to leave, but Carrie stops him.
CARRIE: Big Bird, wait. She turns to Scruffy.
CARRIE: Scruffy, let him stay. I vouch for him.
Scruffy thinks for a moment, then relents.
SCRUFFY: All right. But if he causes any trouble, he's out of here.
CARRIE: Don't worry. He won't cause any trouble.
Big Bird and Carrie walk over to the bar.
CARRIE: What do you want to drink, Big Bird?
BIG BIRD: I don't know. What do you have?
CARRIE: We have beer, wine, hard liquor...
BIG BIRD: I'll have a beer.
CARRIE: You sure? Beer is pretty strong.
BIG BIRD: I can handle it. The bartender gives Big Bird a beer. Big Bird takes a sip and makes a face.
BIG BIRD: This is terrible!
CARRIE: I told you it was strong.
BIG BIRD: I think I'll stick to water.
CARRIE: Suit yourself.
Big Bird and Carrie talk for a while, then Carrie gets up to go to the bathroom.
CARRIE: I'll be right back, Big Bird.
BIG BIRD: Okay.
Carrie walks away and Big Bird is left alone. He looks around the club, then takes another sip of his beer. Suddenly, he feels someone tap him on the shoulder.
He turns around and comes face to face with a very large, very angry looking hawk.

quote:

"gently caress! They said these tokens were supposed to be non-fungible, but I just looked this morning and they've all been funged! I don't want funged tokens, I want non-fungible ones! Those were the loving instructions! Now give me my money back!" you say, as the woman looks shocked that she just got yelled at.

"I'm sorry, sir, but these were not the terms of the deal. I can't return your money unless you wish to pursue legal action."

"Legal action?! I want my loving money back now, you little fucker! These tokens are worth jack poo poo, you know that? Get me my money or I'll take it up with legal! I'll have you know the CFC takes its fraud and consumer protection very seriously!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't make the rules. You'll have to take it up with the CEO. I'm just a lowly store manager."

"You're a loving prick! If I see you again I'm going to legal! This place is a scam! I'm going to tell everyone I know about this place! I'm going to gently caress your whole company up! How's that for fun? How's that for non-fungible?!?"

The woman at the register hurries to collect the three remaining non-fungible monsters from the display.

quote:

"gently caress! They said these tokens were supposed to be non-fungible, but I just looked this morning and they've all been funged! I've lost all my money on worthless trinkets, it's a goddamn ponzi scheme!"
You try to keep the panic from your voice, but the anger and frustration is obvious. "I don't know what they told you, sir, but these are real. I bought these legally. If you have a problem, you should take it up with the manufacturer."
"The gently caress I will! I want my money back!" he shouts, lunging at you. You raise your hands defensively, and step back so he'll hit the wall. He hits the wall, and the wind whips from his momentum. He collapses on the ground, sweating and swearing. Then, he begins to cough, hacking up blood, before losing consciousness.
"Gentlemen, it's clear that this man is insane. What shall we do with him?" one of the men asks.
"Kill him," you say flatly.
"No! No! Wait! Why don't we sell him? I mean, look at him! He'll take one look at these and realize they're fakes, and he'll be back for more money! We could sell him, like, for, like, ten bucks! Sell him for, like, two dollars! TWO loving DOLLARS!"
"And how many of these people do you think will come back for more money? Is that really what you want? Do you want the whole thing to be a giant Ponzi scheme where everyone thinks they can get rich quick but ends up bankrupt and broke? We can create a new identity for him, let him think he was a successful merchant who got rich overnight, then slit his throat when he realizes he's been had. Sound good? Is that what you want?"