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Dwight tries to kill Jim with a pistol but Jim replaced Dwight's gun with a chocolate gun, that is a gun that shoots chocolate, that is a gun which fires a regular bullet, but exclusively can be fired at a chocolate target. Unfortunately, Jim forgot he has a chocolate bar in his breast pocket and is fatally shot through the heart.
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May 18, 2022 00:08
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 20:33 |
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Jim gets really into calligraphy.
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May 18, 2022 00:17
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Jim opens a calligraphy business and finds great success with his beautiful handwriting, eventually becoming a Master Penman. After hearing dozens of rave reviews Dwight reluctantly hires Jim to compose the invitations for an upcoming charity ball to raise funds for the children's ward at the Schrute Memorial Hospital. A week later Dwight receives angry phonecalls from many of the invitees who received invitations to "Dwight's pedo party" because "Dwight is a pedo guy." After seeing one of the invitations Dwight does have to admit its beautifully written.
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May 18, 2022 00:19
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"Hey, Dwight, lets let bygones be bygones," says Jim, offering his hand. "Shake on it." Dwight checks for hand buzzers and, seeing none, cautiously shakes Jim's hand. "HA! Gotcha, balloon boy!" Jim jams a fork into a nearby electrical socket with his free hand, electrocuting them both. Jim's skeleton becomes visible between electric flashes. His electrified skull mugs for the camera.
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May 18, 2022 03:21
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One day, somebody sends all of the moms on Earth to Mars. Society collapses overnight over the chaos of billions of women disappearing overnight. Dwight seethes, knowing Jim was behind this, and resolves to give up his pacifistic principles and kill Jim for his slight. He tracks down Jim, who explains at gunpoint that it wasn't him. Pam's disappearance means that Jim has had to actually focus on non-pranks in order to keep his kids alive, and that the message of Mars needs Moms was that you shouldn't send moms to Mars. Dwight realizes it wasn't Jim for once, and the pair resolve to determine who could have done this. Meanwhile, at a hidden Space-X facility, Elon Musk in a Waluigi costume mugs the camera.
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May 18, 2022 04:04
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Elon Musk dressed as Waluigi refuses to go forward with purchasing Dunder Mifflin until Dunder Mifflin "comes clean" about the number of "fake accounts." Dwight tries to explain to Musk that Dunder Mifflin doesn't have any "fake accounts" but Jim cuts Dwight off. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Jim takes Dwight into the conference room and locks the door. Once they are alone except for the camera crew, Jim reveals that several hundred Dunder Mifflin customers are Russian bots that Jim hired to inflate Jim's sales figures and that he's just been dumping all the bots' paper orders into Lake Scranton. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight screams into a cushion.
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May 18, 2022 04:09
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Dwight later calms down when he realizes that Elon won't end up being his employer because of this
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May 18, 2022 04:12
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Jim steals Dwight's pipe even though cats can't smoke
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May 18, 2022 04:20
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Raku posted:Jim steals Dwight's pipe even though cats can't smoke (Jim Davis is our world's Jim)
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May 18, 2022 04:24
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Jim is pacing back and forth in his basement workshop trying to come up with a new prank. It's long after midnight, Pam has locked herself in the bedroom with the children and left Jim's dinner of cold chicken livers and Smarties at the top of the basement stairs. Jim is stumped. He wants to do something with bodily functions but pee and poop are so played out. Jim briefly considers spunk but dismisses the idea almost instantly, he doesn't want the prank to be sexual. Boogers? Too difficult to collect in sufficient volume. Farts? Not gross enough. He wants something as taboo and embarrassing as pee or poop, but not so cliché. If only humans excreted a third waste product... That's it! "Eureka!" hoots Jim as he rushes to his drafting table. Jim spends the rest of the night giggling and sketching out formulas for his newest prank. The next day, when Dwight shows up to work, Jim is already at his desk. A floppy, knobbly growth dangles from Jim's forehead. It's not a penis or analogous to any human body part, yet is evocative of the traits that make penises and nipples intimate. The growth looks both vulnerable and personal with an impression of being both physically and ritually unclean. "Jim, what the hell is growing out of your head?" asks Dwight, instinctively blocking the growth from sight with his hand. "Oh, this?" asks Jim, pointing to the pulsating mass. "It's pretty neat. Watch this!" Suddenly, the growth starts spraying a strange, pungent, purple liquid all over Dwight. The spray gets in his mouth and eyes and all over his shirt. It stinks to high heaven. "You like that, balloon boy?" smirks Jim. "I call it 'splooble' and it's even more humiliating to get sploobled on than pee or poop! Have some more!" Jim advances on Dwight, spraying splooble out of the organ on his forehead (which Jim has dubbed a 'jimbler'), Dwight flees and Jim chases him all the way down the stairs and out the door to the parking lot. Dwight dives into his car and frantically rolls up his window as jets of purple slime spray out of Jim's forehead. Dwight peels out of the parking lot and speeds away. Jim mugs the camera with purple spooble all over his face.
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May 18, 2022 04:52
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Jim gives Dwight a rum enema.
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May 18, 2022 05:12
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Jim screen-looks
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May 18, 2022 05:21
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Jim dips the erasers on all of Dwight's pencils in an acrylic coating that renders them useless. Jim quietly watches and waits for Dwight to be pranked, day in and day out; the pencils get shorter, but Dwight never seems to acknowledge the sealed erasers. Jim assumes something's wrong, that prank failed. Still, he continues to dip every pencil eraser plasticy coating for months on end. After 9 months of doing this, Jim wonders if he's made a mistake and has a horrifying revelation: Dwight's never noticed the prank because he's never needed to use an eraser. EVER. In a fit of rage, Jim creates a successful environmental movement at Dunder-Mifflin to go pencil-free by 2023 to save the forests.
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May 18, 2022 07:33
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jim sneaks into the office kitchen prior to lunchtime and hides a bloodied human tooth in dwight's sandwich
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May 18, 2022 09:40
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Gatto Grigio posted:Jim gives Dwight a rum enema. Cosmic Jim giggles as he travels back in time to the 11th century and tears the Rum sultanate out of the ground, leaving a smouldering crater in the middle of the Anatolian peninsula which is quickly filled by the black sea. He shrinks the landmass to the size of an apple before returning to present day dunder mifflin and shoving the entire thing up Dwight's butthole. "Jeez, balloon boy, talk about a Rum enema." Cosmic Jim mugs the camera as an enraged Dwight berates him in Welsh.
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May 18, 2022 10:12
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Jim challenges Dwight to a duel at high noon using chocolate guns (guns that shoot chocolate, not guns made of chocolate). Realizing that Jim would be unharmed, Dwight agrees to this. As the sun rises in the sky, Dwight and Jim stand back to back. They each take 10 paces, turn, and fire. Dwight is horrified to find his gun is not a chocolate gun, but a peanut butter gun. A gun that shoots peanut butter, not a gun made of peanut butter. The peanut butter and chocolate collide in mid air (both Dwight and Jim are excellent shots). "Haha! At last, I've created the perfect candy treat! Peanut butter and chocolate together at last!" Dwight reminds Jim that Reese's Peanut Butter cups already exist. In fact, he adds, they're less than 2 hours drive from Hershey, PA. Jim looks at him with a quizzical look. "What the hell is a Reese's peanut butter cup?" Dwight attempts to drive Jim to Hershey, but discovers with dawning horror that all roads leading out of Scranton loop around and deposit him back in the city, defying all rules of reality. For all intents and purposes, there is no longer a world outside of Scranton. Jim mugs for the camera as he starts to prepare more of his "Jim's Peanut Butter Cups".
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May 18, 2022 13:29
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"Looks like your goose is finally cooked, balloon boy," says Jim triumphantly as Dwight sobs over the death of his pet goose.
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May 18, 2022 14:52
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Elon Musk (dressed exactly like—but not as—Waluigi) announces that Dunder Mifflin has a "far left bias" and shits his cartoon overalls in front of everyone in the conference room. "Anyone who reacts negatively to the smell is a left-wing troll bot account and is fired," declares Elon Musk. He glowers intensely at everyone in the room, scrutinizing their faces for any sign of discomfort. Kelly, Stanley, and Oscar are fired immediately, along with Hank the security guard when he arrives to escort them out. Dwight's perfect self-control helps him to keep a straight face despite the stench. Jim zaps Dwight from behind with a cattle prod, causing Dwight to yelp and jump out of his seat. "You're fired, you moon-faced gently caress," declares Elon. "Clean out your desk." Dwight stomps out, grateful to be free of the smelly room. Jim mugs at the camera, his eyes watering from the stink. Andy shits his pants also to ingratiate himself to Musk.
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May 18, 2022 15:37
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Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe Machine creaks and groans behind Dwight's back at 12:56 P.M. on a Wednesday. After all the previous pranks (the clam chowder firehose, the oily rag man/fireball 'impromptu freeze tag game', the time Jim eliminated the concept of green from the universe, Jim's constant troll posts trying to derail his own attempt to purchase Woofr), the squeaky shoe robot is the straw that breaks the camel's back. It makes one ear-splitting screech and Dwight temporarily loses his mind. He pulls out his chocolate gun (a regular gun that shoots Jimmy Kisses (this universe's version of Hershey Kisses, following Cosmic Jim's erasure of Hershey PA from reality). Dwight shoots Jim with a Jimmy Kiss ("Talk about a sweet release," mugs the floppy Jim moments before his death) and then turns the gun on himself, then pulls the trigger. Dwight walks into the office and sits down at his desk. He picks up a phone to return a call to his client. "Wait, what's happening here?" Jim smirks at Dwight. "Still figuring it out, eh?" "Jim, what happened?" Dwight has vague memories of... chocolate? "Did... are you all right?" "Of course I am, Balloon Boy! I always am!" "Always...?" Dwight is confused, trying to reconcile fragmented memories. Jim sighs theatrically. "I'll save you some time. Buddy, we've been through this whole song and dance more times than I can count. You're always the last one to figure it out. I guess you could say... there's no exit." "No.. what?" Dwight shakes his head. Jim, with tears in his eyes, looks at Dwight. "We died decades ago, Dwight. You killed me, and then yourself. And we both ended up here." Dwight's screams are matched by a squeaky shoe machine that creaks by. Jim looks directly at the camera and says, "I guess you could say that 'Hell is other people,' huh?"
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May 18, 2022 18:09
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"Hey Dwight, did you know that reality is a crystal growing in a 5th dimensional liquid?" Jim says this to 700 different temporal versions of Dwight from across the past 10 years. The eldest Dwight has terrible deja vu, feeling as if he's heard Jim say this 699 times before. The youngest Dwight just nods and tells Jim that's "really great, pal". Jim mugs to us, the reader of this story, as he's finally discovered the true nature of his reality.
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May 18, 2022 18:33
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poisonpill posted:Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe Machine creaks and groans behind Dwight's back at 12:56 P.M. on a Wednesday. After all the previous pranks (the clam chowder firehose, the oily rag man/fireball 'impromptu freeze tag game', the time Jim eliminated the concept of green from the universe, Jim's constant troll posts trying to derail his own attempt to purchase Woofr), the squeaky shoe robot is the straw that breaks the camel's back. It makes one ear-splitting screech and Dwight temporarily loses his mind. He pulls out his chocolate gun (a regular gun that shoots Jimmy Kisses (this universe's version of Hershey Kisses, following Cosmic Jim's erasure of Hershey PA from reality). Dwight shoots Jim with a Jimmy Kiss ("Talk about a sweet release," mugs the floppy Jim moments before his death) and then turns the gun on himself, then pulls the trigger. Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe machine is in Hell for burning down that pediatric hospital obviously.
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May 18, 2022 23:53
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Applewhite posted:Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe machine is in Hell for burning down that pediatric hospital obviously. That son of a bitch knew what he was doing
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May 19, 2022 00:05
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Jim gives Elon Musk a broken glass enema
Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 01:03 on May 19, 2022 |
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May 19, 2022 00:56
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Jim's constant public declarations that Woofr is the "worst social media platform ever" have, unsurprisingly, tanked his contract to purchase Woofr from Ryan. He drags himself into the annex (dressed as Wario) and whines to Toby that "nobody likes me," and how consequences for his actions are unfair, and that "this is somehow all Dwight Shrute's fault, the radical leftist." Toby responds that the reason nobody likes Jim is because of his incredibly abrasive, attention-seeking attitude. The constant trolling and pranks make everyone tired of dealing with him, and he hasn't actually produced anything of value, ever. In fact, Elo- I mean, uh, Jim, has been constantly escalating his behavior precisely because he hasn't faced any consequences, and is now addicted to negative attention for his bad behavior. Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe rolls up and explodes, killing Toby. Jim calls him a "pedo guy" and falsifies the logs on the "Shoe AI" to indicate that Toby had been in control at the time of the accident. Ryan kills himself when the Woofr deal falls through and the public shenanigans have tainted his company beyond recognition. Dwight has several journalists dedicate entire evenings of coverage to his "radical shoe silencing agenda". Jim is declared the founder of Dundee-Mifflin, and paid to go away.
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May 19, 2022 01:20
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Jim buys an inflatable raft and blows it up at his desk. He dresses up in a life vest and helmet and climbs inside. He spends the day pretending to be on a rafting trip and pointing out imaginary sights. Whenever Dwight asks Jim to quiet down, Jim pretends he's hitting rough water and starts yelling to drown out Dwight's objections.
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May 19, 2022 13:14
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Jim is out sick one day, so the office is unusually quiet and productive. 2 pm rolls around and Michael strolls out of his office. "Is it just me, or is everyone else ready to go home?" The office lets out a cheerful "hooray!" and Creed even starts breakdancing to celebrate, leading to even more cheers. Dwight is home by 2:30 pm and uses the extra time to watch a movie and start prep work for a delicious dinner with Angela. It's a small but wonderful change to his day, one he cherishes greatly. Jim is sick the next day, too. And around noon, Michael steps out of his office again. "Guys, is everyone else done with their work?" Everyone agrees. "Then lets get the gently caress outta here! Come on, I'll buy us all lunch!" The cheers are even louder than the day before, and Creed starts breakdancing again. This time Andy joins him, much to the delight of everyone. Michael considers trying to "show them up", but realizes that would be selfish and simply enjoys the moment. The next day is Friday and Jim is still out sick. 11 am arrives and Michael steps out of his office and looks around. "Guys? Home? Whatcha thinking?" Stanley, moving with inhuman speed, is already out the door. Creed starts breakdancing again but Andy doesn't join him, as he tore his scrotum yesterday. As Dwight and Angela drive home they reflect on the fact that they've adapted so much to Jim's insanity that they can do their jobs in a few minutes each day. "We're probably the most productive people on Earth, D. If he never came back to work I'll bet we could work an hour a day and still be the most profitable branch." Dwight nods in agreement. Perhaps Jim has freed them from the horrors of a 9-5 office job. The next week, Jim returns. "Jeez, you guys don't look happy to see me! I had Monkeypox, gang. You know, from kissing a monkey? I could have died! Didn't you ever see that movie, you know, the one where a terrible virus is spread from a monkey? Dunston Checks In?" Dwight sighs, looking at the clock and realizing he'll never get to leave early as long as Jim is here. Noon arrives and Michael steps out of his office. "How's everybody looking on the work front today, gang?" Meredith is in the hospital. Phyllis and Stanley are both in contact with a customer who received 3 pallets of clown paper by mistake. Angela and Oscar are struggling with Jim's latest expense report, which includes receipts from places that don't exist. Kevin is trying to keep his head afloat in a giant vat of chili. Pam is passed out drunk and phone calls are being redirected to Creed. Andy has been banished to the cornfield. Ryan and Kelly are unchanged. Dwight has been a balloon, a small dog, and a Frankenstein's monster-esque creature today which has severely hurt his productivity. Jim kicks his feet up and smiles. "We're looking real good, Michael. Everything is back to normal!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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May 19, 2022 13:31
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Was the monkey Chips?
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May 19, 2022 13:40
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Jim isn't one to kiss and tell.
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May 19, 2022 13:49
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Just read my wife the entire one about when Jim was trapped in a world of pranks ("pretty goddamn funny") so she could understand the one where Jim tells Dwight about the Prankosphere being hell. She's still confused. Obviously I need to start with the "balloon boy" saga.
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May 19, 2022 14:40
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Turning and turning in the widening gyre Little Champion cannot hear the falconer; Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Prank anarchy is loosed upon the world, Chilli-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere The stapler of innocence jello'd; The Schrute lacks all conviction, while the Jim Is full of passionate intensity. Surely some revelation is at hand; Surely the Second Mugging is at hand. The Second Mugging! Hardly are those words out When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of Scranton A shape with scrawny body and the shoes of a man, A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun, Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it Reel shadows of the indignant salesmen. The darkness drops again; but now I know That twenty centuries of stony sleep Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle, And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards the Office to be born?
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May 19, 2022 14:49
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Jim shows up to work in camo with a downtrodden look on his face. "Well guys, I did it. I joined the Army, they're shipping me overseas tomorrow." No one reacts, finding the prank both dull and somewhat offensive. "I'm fighting for YOUR rights, okay? I'll probably die over there, unless of course Dwight would take my place? Perhaps with his love of charity and good-hearted nature, he'll go overseas?" Dwight says that he won't, as he's a pacifist and doesn't condone war in any forms. "Well the joke's on you! This isn't even a real army uniform, it's from Spirit Halloween!" Jim tears off the camo and starts dancing, apparently content with this improvised change to his original prank, which was to send Dwight overseas and desert him there. Suddenly, the front door is kicked down. "Jim Halpert? We're with the United States Army. We have a report of Stolen Valor here. You need to come with us, sir." Jim is dragged away, kicking and screaming, while Pam discretely hides her cell phone. Michael comes out of his office, dressed in a full naval officer uniform. "Oh my god, I really dodged a bullet today, didn't I?"
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May 19, 2022 15:09
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A Fancy Hat posted:Michael comes out of his office, dressed in a full Space Force uniform.
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May 19, 2022 15:35
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Applewhite posted:Just read my wife the entire one about when Jim was trapped in a world of pranks ("pretty goddamn funny") so she could understand the one where Jim tells Dwight about the Prankosphere being hell. I’ve never watched The Office ever and this thread managed to make me believe that Jim actually called Dwight "Balloon Boy" on the reg - and now you’re saying that it’s not true? To what extent have I been pranked here? Is clown paper a real thing? Staplers encased in jello? The beet farm? Are Jim, Meredith, Pam actually real characters in the show?
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May 19, 2022 16:42
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Flowers For Algeria posted:I’ve never watched The Office ever and this thread managed to make me believe that Jim actually called Dwight "Balloon Boy" on the reg - and now you’re saying that it’s not true? This rules and I think you should watch an episode of the show and report back what you thought of it and how this thread colors your perception of the characters.
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May 19, 2022 16:51
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May 19, 2022 16:53
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Jim and Dwight are on a plane to Florida for a sales conference when Jim stands up and opens the emergency exit. "See ya next fall!" Jim laughs as people and objects begun to get sucked out of the plane. Dwight does his best to save as many people as he can, but even he is unable to get everyone safely buckled into their seats and subdue Jim. "I've heard of Sarah Plain and Tall before, but Jim Open the Plane Door and Fall?" Jim says, bizarrely, before grabbing Dwight in a bear hug and leaping out of the plane. Dwight tries to break free but Jim holds him with the strength of the damned, laughing like a lunatic the whole time. Dwight passes out as he and Jim plummet towards the Earth. When Dwight opens his eyes it's dark outside, but he feels firm ground underneath him. He can hear waves crashing and smell the distinct salty aroma of ocean breezes. "Oh, you're finally awake. Welcome to Jimtopia. And no, not the delicious fruit beverage I marketed a few months ago. But my new UTOPIA, the most beautiful civilization imaginable! We're starting from scratch here, balloon boy!" Dwight calls Jim a maniac and asks why he caused so much chaos just to trap the two of them on a deserted island. "A new society can only be born in chaos, Dwight," the moon is reflecting in Jim's eyes, turning them into two whirlpools filled with quicksilver, "you need a traumatic event to bring new life. You should understand this by now. The fear of being near death, of being thrown from that plane? It's reinvigorated me, I'm ready to create a new world here. With you, of course. I'm willing to be a new Adam and Eve, Dwight. But if you disagree, perhaps we shall simply be the new Cain and Abel. It's your decision." Dwight looks around at the small island he finds himself marooned on with a maniac. He looks into the distance and sees manmade lights. He could swim that far, he knows it for sure. If he could just distract Jim for a moment, he could get the jump on him and swim to safety. Dwight stands up and offers Jim a handshake. "Well, well, well, you finally see things my way! Welcome to Jimtopia, let's get to work!" Jim reaches his hand out to shake Dwight's. Dwight pulls him close, whispers "surprise, motherfucker", and suplexes him into the sand. Dwight starts running full speed at the water. He's going to do this. Jim lets out an inhuman wail and scurries towards Dwight on all fours, then leaps on him. Dwight's world goes dark as he feels sharp teeth sink into his neck and hot blood spray out. A week later, Jim shows up to work dressed like Dwight and explains that he survived the plane crash ("somehow, probably cuz of Jesus's love for me") but Dwight did not. Oscar asks why Jim is dressed like Dwight. "Well, you are what you eat!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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May 19, 2022 18:23
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Jim replaces a framed photo of himself on the Dunder Mifflin wall with a TV screen. Jim then films nearly 30 hours of footage of himself standing still, occasionally blinking or moving his head and feeds this to the screen. "Oh man, this'll freak Dwight out! He'll think the picture of me is moving! Spooky!" Dwight doesn't notice this for days, as he's generally sitting at his desk and only notices the photo when he walks to the bathroom. Jim tries to nudge the prank along by putting a diuretic in Dwight's water bottle, forcing him to urinate more. Dwight still doesn't notice anything odd. To escalate things, Jim sneaks into Dwight's house and replaces all of his family photos with TV screens, then feeds the same footage to those screens. "Jeez, talk about being framed!" Jim says to Dwight's empty house. An enraged Dwight shows up to work the next day and asks Jim where all the family photos are. Some of them were over 100 years old and are completely irreplaceable. Jim shrugs. "Burnt 'em, probably. The city shut off our garbage service so I have to burn all the trash." Dwight sobs at his desk while Jim mugs for the camera. "Jeez, talk about being framed!" Jim says again, happy that he can say it without anyone accusing him of reusing quips.
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May 19, 2022 18:56
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Jim launches "Final Pranktasy", an MMORPG based in a fantasy world filled with pranksters. "How did you do this, Jim?" asks an incredulous Oscar. "Oh, you know." Jim says cryptically. "No, actually I don't. How did you launch an MMORPG all on your own? How did you finance this? How are you maintaining this?" Jim looks at Oscar for a moment, then walks away. After a month, Final Pranktasy has become a modest success. None of that matters to Jim, all he cares about is Dwight playing it. And, lo and behold, Dwight decides to pick up the game. "Hey Dwight, make sure you head to the Plains of Agony first, okay? There's a REALLY cool boss there!" "Sure thing, Jim, I'll get right on that." It takes Dwight quite a bit of time, but he eventually reaches the Plains and tackles the boss. It is, of course, a twisted parody of Dwight. It's a mustard yellow dragon wearing glasses that dies in one hit. After Dwight fells the beast, a text box appears. "WOW I'M SO DUMB AND USELESS." As soon as Dwight completes this, the entire game shuts down. For everyone. Jim, who has been watching Dwight's gameplay live, shuts down the entire game forever and lets out a contented sigh.
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May 20, 2022 14:21
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A Fancy Hat posted:This rules and I think you should watch an episode of the show and report back what you thought of it and how this thread colors your perception of the characters. i read this thread long before i saw any of the office and then i saw an episode where dwight and michael prank jim by getting him to go somewhere and act as a delivery man in a van or something??? they have fake moustaches and molotovs??? and make him see his ex-girlfriend. i don't know what the gently caress i saw tbh. maybe the prank was on me............
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May 20, 2022 14:30
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 20:33 |
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nah that's the incident that turned jim pranking mad
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May 20, 2022 14:45
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