r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I (22f) think I'm emotionally cheating on my gf (21f)... with fictional characters

quote:

For a little context, we started dating about a few years ago. I live with her and her family, I don't have a job, I've sort of fallen into a depressive/anxious pit in the past few years and didn't realize it until it was too late because I didn't recognize it. But I'm trying to be better, and she's been an amazing woman to have by my side. She's kind, super funny, has the prettiest smile, and I want to make her the happiest person in the world... but I don't know if I can do that because I feel like I'm betraying her, but it's also all in my head?

I have been daydreaming about a fictional world and characters so much that it's impacting my daily life and I don't want it to impact my relationship. Currently it's a bit better managed, but a while ago I did some research and realized I could be engaging in/ slipping towards maladaptive daydreaming which gave me enough of a push to quit some,,, but not fully. (healthline has a great article discussing maladaptive daydreaming, I recommend looking at it if you're curious)

I don't want to give specifics but the story lines involve me being in a post-apocalyptic video game world/ interacting with the characters. I can spend hours and hours thinking of different plots, conversations with my favorite characters, thinking of what cool things I would do and how awesome I would be (I know I know, very cringe) or I'll make a sad plot and I can actually get so emotional I cry irl. I'll daydream all throughout the day, for hours at a time sometimes, and procrastinate other things so I can daydream. I'll go to bed daydreaming, wake up, daydream some more, you get the picture. I can still function, but most of the time if I have nothing to do my brain defaults to a scenario I'm currently in the middle of.

The part that I think is emotional cheating is that in that in that video game universe, there are two characters who I like, and who I mainly focus on. There are many different plots and I don't imagine things in order, but sometimes I imagine how we would grow closer as friends, or how we could become more romantically involved and what that would look like, or how we would interact if we were travelling together trying to complete our goals, maybe some angst to spice it up, and occasionally I do imagine sex with them but it's not the main thing. But I am emotionally attached to these characters in my head (even though I fully know they're just fake) and I imagine everything so realistically that the feelings feel real, at least until I snap back to reality.

(Side note here: I have a theory that this is just my attraction to men peeking through and since I'm dating a lesbian who's uncomfortable with anything male, me tamping that part of myself down irl makes it show up here, but also idk I'm not a professional)

I don't think I need any advice on how to quit, I can do that on my own, but I want to ask, what do you think? Is it emotional cheating? Should I tell her, confess to her what I think about which I know would hurt her, or just never say anything? I can't tell anyone I know about this and I really want an outside perspective. I'll answer any questions you might have, I know I couldn't really put 100% of the info in here.

TL;DR: I fantasize about fictional characters in romantic situations frequently and intensely, and I don't know if I need to stop so I'd like some other perspectives.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 00:42

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:39

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

blackmet posted:

I think our mainstream advice columnists are really getting into horrible advice lately.

.

Jesus, you're not kidding. $5K worth of modifications aren't going to do anything if his area gets nuked. Best you can do at the price
is a hoard of survival food & water.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 00:55

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

Cythereal posted:

I (22f) think I'm emotionally cheating on my gf (21f)... with fictional characters

the final fantasy 7 house does not need a remake

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:05

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

nashona posted:

shut up about the dude with two dates

WIBTA if I demanded a friend wear a different dress to my wedding because the one she chose is ugly?

the community?

Colours matter in a church community?

Is this a real thing? Or is OP just trying to handpass the blame from "I think her dress is ugly and I don't want it at my wedding." to "This specific dress would be inappropriate."

Coz if it's the latter, surely a "Hey, I know that your dress fits within the dress code, but its an inappropriate colour to wear to church. You're part of the community, you understand." would fix it up.

Either way. Colours matter to church people? I don't get it.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:17

Rescue Toaster: Mar 13, 2003

quantumwell posted:

Jesus, you're not kidding. $5K worth of modifications aren't going to do anything if his area gets nuked. Best you can do at the price
is a hoard of survival food & water.

Yeah maybe a grand of that for a good survival cache is pretty much all that's worth having. Nothing you can build for 5K is going to last you more than a couple weeks.

Whenever I see prepper poo poo or catch myself 'planning' for something beyond like... a week or two power outage, I'm reminded of this bit from Connections Ep 1. The whole episode is amazing but this part is the key, up until he introduces the plow:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XetplHcM7aQ&t=1450s

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:42

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for not accepting my future MIL�s engagement gift?

this woman will hold a coffee maker over your head, imagine hearing about that down payment for the rest of your goddamn life

"she�s also made it clear if I need to use his car I have to ask HER for permission."

When you're at the point that you have to ask your husband's mother for permission to use his car, you run like hell. If MIL gives you half the down payment for a house, you can bet she's moving in.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:46

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Troublemaker posted:

"she�s also made it clear if I need to use his car I have to ask HER for permission."

When you're at the point that you have to ask your husband's mother for permission to use his car, you run like hell. If MIL gives you half the down payment for a house, you can bet she's moving in.

This.

But also importantly, she has gotten pissy at a polite refusal. She has enlisted others to push on her behalf. She has claimed that by making a very polite refusal, "Oh no, that's a huge imposition and I wouldn't feel comfortable. But thank you anyway.", she was embarrassed and humiliated and now demands an apology.

All of that is hosed up and not the actions of a nice or normal person. And if the son is defending her, then that is not a man you want or need to be around in any way.

Also, you can bet that if/when OP and her husband do buy their house, Mother in Law will be coming round to visit and will poo poo on it, saying it is not as nice as the one she could have bought for them.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:53

Barudak: May 7, 2007

BrigadierSensible posted:

This.

But also importantly, she has gotten pissy at a polite refusal. She has enlisted others to push on her behalf. She has claimed that by making a very polite refusal, "Oh no, that's a huge imposition and I wouldn't feel comfortable. But thank you anyway.", she was embarrassed and humiliated and now demands an apology.

All of that is hosed up and not the actions of a nice or normal person. And if the son is defending her, then that is not a man you want or need to be around in any way.

Also, you can bet that if/when OP and her husband do buy their house, Mother in Law will be coming round to visit and will poo poo on it, saying it is not as nice as the one she could have bought for them.

We hold these truths to be self evident

# ? Jun 14, 2022 01:55

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for taking my daughter to the restaurant my stepdaughter "forbid" us from?

quote:

Hi.

I f36 married Jeff m39 2 years ago. He has a daughter (Alicia - 16) from his previous marriage and I have a daughter (Morgan - 12) from my previous marriage as well.

Alicia isn't closer to me nor Morgan and she always has something to be upset about. for example, when me and Morgan moved in with her and Jeff, she tried to control where we can & can't go. What areas I was allowed to redecorate and put my furniture in, what room Morgan got etc. Her excuse was that she wanted to keep the house how her mom left it as much as possible. Jeff asked us to be more patient and she'd come around eventually.

She did come around, but still tries to control other areas of mine and Morgan's life. I had a million conversation that ended up with her throwing a tantrum. Jeff talked to her and told her to not try to control what Morgan and I do, ever. And she agreed.

Morgan's birthday was days ago, We planned to celebrate at a restaurant and let Morgan choose which one. She picked a really nice restaurant that isn't over the top expensive and we agreed the party would be there. However, When Alicia heard which restaurant we were going to she went off on me and Morgan and said that we can't go to that restaurant because she had tons of memories there of her "perfect old family" and she won't let us taint the memory for her. I found this beyond illogical and unreasonable. I told her she could stay home but she said it wasn't about her being there - it was about the idea of me and Morgan being there with Jeff as "family" when it used to be her, her mom and Jeff. We got into an argument and Jeff told me to tell Morgan to just pick another restuarant but I snapped and told him Alicia had no right to dictate where me and my daughter go and he shouldn't be encouraging her. He told me he wasn't encouraging anything, just trying to keep all parties satisfied. He told me to get Morgan to change the restaurant or he won't go..That was it for me, I decided I wasn't going to change it just because they wanted me to and ended up going with morgan to celebrate with just my mom.

Morgan of course felt upset her stepdad missed her birthday celebration. when I pointed this out to him, he argued that I literally gained nothing by insisting on this particular restaurant and upseting Alicia (who is refusing to speak to any of us even him) and ruined his relationship with Morgan. I said it was Morgan's choice but he said I was the adult in this situation and have failed to navigate through it.

AITA for still going to the restaurant although Alicia forbid us from it? I just wanted to make Morgan feel like she has a say and right to spend her birthday however she wanted.

EDIT no her mom is alive. I don't know why some here assumed she's deceased. She's alive and Alicia sees her weekly.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 02:06

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Rescue Toaster posted:

Yeah maybe a grand of that for a good survival cache is pretty much all that's worth having. Nothing you can build for 5K is going to last you more than a couple weeks.

Whenever I see prepper poo poo or catch myself 'planning' for something beyond like... a week or two power outage, I'm reminded of this bit from Connections Ep 1. The whole episode is amazing but this part is the key, up until he introduces the plow:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XetplHcM7aQ&t=1450s

Connections is so dang good.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 02:07

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Mx. posted:

AITA for taking my daughter to the restaurant my stepdaughter "forbid" us from?

Holy poo poo those spoilers, loving excellent use thereof! I was guessing it was something like "that's the place mom used to own/run" or something.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 02:32

Baron von Eevl: Jan 24, 2005; WHITE NOISE
GENERATOR
🔊😴

Mx. posted:

AITA for taking my daughter to the restaurant my stepdaughter "forbid" us from?

This is primo spoiler usage.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 02:49

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

The_Franz posted:

the final fantasy 7 house does not need a remake

FF7r house

# ? Jun 14, 2022 02:54

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

AITA for not being mad at my daughter and thinking she's actually pretty funny?

quote:

This is such a ridiculous situation that I feel like an AH just for posting, but my wife is legitimately peeved, so Reddit, tell me if I'm too blinded by amusement to see clearly or if this is objectively funny and not worth punishing our kid about.

My 43M dad 64M used to love taking us on adventures as kids, but he's slowed down recently. He still loves spending time with my daughter, 12F. Okay, so Dad decided to introduce daughter to his favorite childhood shows, and for whatever reason, SHE. LOVES. THEM. Star Trek, Bonanza, the Andy Griffith show, all of it. She's hooked. She thinks it's all fantastic.

Okay, fun fact about my daughter, she loves googling "fun facts." Her favorite phrase is "did you know?" Like we'll drive past a sign saying we're x miles from some location and she whips out that phone and is like "did you know x location is the salamander capital of the world?" It's really cute and annoying at the same time.

So last week she comes downstairs and says "did you know ABC made Burt Ward take pills to shrink his *****?" Totally deadpan. Didn't even crack. When I tell you, I WHEEZED. She showed me the article, and yep, they did. The 60s, what a time. Wife was mad. She told daughter to never use that word or we were going to wash her mouth out with soap (empty threat). Daughter pouted and went about her day.

Next day, she told dad, who didn't believe her at first and then absolutely lost it when he read the article she pulled up. I can't remember the last time I saw him laugh that hard. Wife came out, heard what the commotion was about and told daughter if she brought it up again, she was in big trouble.

Well today, one of my wife's friends called while the girls were having a playdate and you'll never guess what my daughter did. You'll never guess in a million years. Go on. Guess. Yeah, she told the story to her little friend, who also thought it was hilarious. Mother did NOT.

Wife is furious now and says we need to come up with a punishment. I don't want to punish her. I think if we stop making a big deal about it, she'll get bored of it eventually. Wife's argument is that she's doing it for attention. Duh. She's twelve. But she's gonna learn about this stuff in health class soon anyway. Might as well get the giggles out of her system now.

AITA for not supporting my wife and dragging my heels on punishing daughter. Wife says even if I'm right, we at least need to punish her for disobeying us. I say, the harder we come down, the more she will push back.

Small update:

Wife and I did end up agreeing by the time daughter was dropped off not to punish her. Instead, we reiterated some sex ed stuff and told her it's important to keep subject matter appropriate to situation. She was receptive to these messages.

Dad comes over for dinner almost every day, and he usually shows up early. So he got here half an hour ago, and daughter set up the TV and they start watching Batman on Tubi (ofc). Five minutes in, Dad leans over to daughter.

Dad: [daughter's name]

Daughter: Yeah, Grampa?

Dad: I can see Robin's *****.

Daughter and Dad both lost it. I look at wife. Her face is totally blank. I can tell she's seething on the inside. She says she's going to take a bubble bath. She's still in there. IDK if I should bring her a glass of wine to mellow her out or leave her the hell alone. Thanks Dad.

quote:

Wait? What is the word?

OP posted:

Penis

# ? Jun 14, 2022 03:01

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Cythereal posted:

I (22f) think I'm emotionally cheating on my gf (21f)... with fictional characters

Yep, that's maladaptive daydreaming! It's fine to want to gently caress Hancock, don't blow up your relationship over something you can probably get therapy for.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 03:47

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Absurd Alhazred posted:

AITA For telling my wife that she hijacked our anniversary trip

"For you it was the greatest time of your life... for me, it was a tourist destination."

Divorce your trash tier partner.

quantumwell posted:

"Colors matter hugely in church, not just mine, but many others."

The Crips & Norteno's will start shooting if you wear the wrong colors to church. The Bloods are pretty strict too.

What�s up blood (of Christ)?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

AITA for not being mad at my daughter and thinking she's actually pretty funny?

As the father of a 12 year old, this all rings true.

therobit fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Jun 14, 2022

# ? Jun 14, 2022 04:17

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for calling MIL out on her allergies

quote:

For as long as I've been with my husband MIL has been claiming she is deathly allergic to egg, ginger and she can't have a lot of salt in her meals. So I've been actively avoiding these ingredients in meals I cook. She has even had "allergic reactions to food she suspects has those ingredients"

About a week ago I hosted a dinner for SIL's birthday and made SIL her favourite salted caramel mousse. It's easily one of the best things I make, this recipe has taken me years to make perfectly and I keep it a huge secret but it has a lot of egg and a lot of salt in it. So keeping in line with MILs dietary requirements I make her a simple choc caramel mousse with no eggs or salt in it.

Dessert rocks around and I bring out a tray of the salted caramel mousse, put it on the table and tell MIL "I'll be back with your mousse in a second. Don't eat this one, it's salted caramel."

I go to the kitchen, come back and MIL has already taken a salted caramel mousse (Which was meant for me.) and is shovelling it into her face as quickly as possible. I yell "NO MIL!!! It has egg and salt in it!!" She keeps eating and says "I know.. but everyone always says it's so nice and I wanted to try it. A little bit won't hurt." She devours the entire mousse (which wasn't a small portion) and asks if there is any more because it was so yummy.

I tell her no, there isnt anymore but what's going on? I thought she was allergic to those ingredients..

She tells me well, she's technically not allergic but she doesn't like the taste of egg, it makes her sick so she just tells people she is allergic and that way people don't make her food with those ingredients. She still eats cakes, pies etc.. where she cant taste the ingredients she just doesn't like to eat them if she can taste them.

I tell her She shouldn't say she is allergic if she isn't. There is a big difference between not liking something and being allergic to something. I've always gone out of my way to avoid those ingredients in her food and even purchased separate bowls and spoons to cook her food with the avoid cross contamination. I've been substituting ingredients for years to ensure that I'm not feeding her something she is allergic to.

She LAUGHS and says it's not a big deal. Lots of people do it. She also told me I'm being a drama queen.

I told her it IS a big deal. She could have just TOLD me she didn't like it. It would have saved me a fortune in substituting ingredients or making separate meals.

Everyone at the table agreed that claiming to have an allergy when you're not allergic is a lovely thing to do.

She sent me a message yesterday saying that I shouldn't have called her out in front of everyone, now no one will take her seriously when she says she is allergic.

I replied with "well, you're not allergic to them.. so it doesnt really matter does it?"

She texted my husband that she's not coming over unless I apologise to her for calling her out in front of everyone because I made her feel bad.

AITA

# ? Jun 14, 2022 05:12

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Mx. posted:

AITA for calling MIL out on her allergies

quote:

She texted my husband that she's not coming over unless I apologise to her

Another problem solved through inaction

# ? Jun 14, 2022 05:14

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

AITA for not being mad at my daughter and thinking she's actually pretty funny?

I'm surprised they aren't calling it his dick

# ? Jun 14, 2022 05:17

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm surprised they aren't calling it his dick

Hey granddaughter, guess what? I can see dick's willy

# ? Jun 14, 2022 05:57

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

Mx. posted:

AITA for calling MIL out on her allergies

"Help! The trash took itself out. How do I bring it back in?!"

# ? Jun 14, 2022 07:01

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

therobit posted:

As the father of a 12 year old, this all rings true.

My 11 year old busts poo poo like this out all the time and I always find it hilarious.

Dude should be grateful the kid went with �penis�. Classy.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:11

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for asking my bf to edit the caption on his Instagram post?

I nurture a deep, furious loathing of women that unironically refer to themselves as princesses.

Oh and being jealous of a loving child playing dress up is pretty lame too.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:19

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Flared Basic Bitch posted:

My 11 year old busts poo poo like this out all the time and I always find it hilarious.

Dude should be grateful the kid went with �penis�. Classy.

My boys, now 8, 10, and 12, have recently decided that "balls" is the funniest goddamn word in creation. I'd be grateful to hear "penis" for a change of pace.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:23

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Your kids do have a point, balls is a pretty funny word.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:24

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Flared Basic Bitch posted:

I nurture a deep, furious loathing of women that unironically refer to themselves as princesses.

Oh and being jealous of a loving child playing dress up is pretty lame too.

Let me tell you about the title Queencess

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:30

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Troublemaker posted:

My boys, now 8, 10, and 12, have recently decided that "balls" is the funniest goddamn word in creation. I'd be grateful to hear "penis" for a change of pace.

There must be some way to kick them of this habit?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:39

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Beachcomber posted:

There must be some way to kick them of this habit?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:40

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

keep punching joe posted:

Your kids do have a point, balls is a pretty funny word.

separately;

Baron von Eevl posted:

This is primo spoiler usage.

Also, movie theater guy says that to every third guy he sees with a lady. Don't sweat it, he just likes to cock-block for laffo.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 08:54

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

What pills would you even take to shrink your penis? I�m pretty sure estradiol does that but I don�t think they had that back then

# ? Jun 14, 2022 09:01

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

is this a trick to make me google penis shrinking pills

# ? Jun 14, 2022 09:08

Mustang: Jun 18, 2006; “We don’t really know where this goes — and I’m not sure we really care.”

Mx. posted:

AITA for taking my daughter to the restaurant my stepdaughter "forbid" us from?

Looking at the experience of my sister and some of my friends, the whole blended family thing seems like a whole lot of stress and drama I don't think I'd have the patience to deal with.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 09:09

killerwhat: May 13, 2010

Midnight Voyager posted:

Yep, that's maladaptive daydreaming! It's fine to want to gently caress Hancock, don't blow up your relationship over something you can probably get therapy for.

I didn�t know there was a name for this kind of day dreaming! Did this all through my lonely teens.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 09:18

BigHead: Jul 25, 2003; Huh?; Nap Ghost

Mx. posted:

is this a trick to make me google penis shrinking pills

Too late you've typed it, which means your smart keyboard has already sold this to Google adsense. You and your entire family are now on the list to get ada for sick shrinking pills. And trust me, if your dick is so big it needs shrinking, you get a lot of ads for the pills.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:03

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

Troublemaker posted:

My boys, now 8, 10, and 12, have recently decided that "balls" is the funniest goddamn word in creation. I'd be grateful to hear "penis" for a change of pace.

show them the tweet, you know the one

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:10

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

Rescue Toaster posted:

I forgot that existed. When I was in school and Surge debuted the company that distributed Surge was like... invited to come to the school to give out free sample cans and poo poo? How was that a thing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X2P-VAvFc4&t=425s

edit: if you youtube search "x-stream blu" without "clone high" you get ads for fake piss lmao

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:27

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

CharlestheHammer posted:

Nah that if that dude was gonna try and two time a girl like a sitcom character don�t be lazy about it next time. Or just don�t do it at all ideally

I'm sorry, do you move in with and start a monogamous relationship with people on a first date or something? Or what do you think 'two time' means, exactly?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:42

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Next person commenting on the double date dilemma is getting a sixer unless they include a detailed story of what they consider the worst date they've ever been on. I'm talking paragraphs.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:45

Dr. Stab: Sep 12, 2010; 👨🏻‍⚕️🩺🔪🙀😱🙀

Ziv Zulander posted:

What pills would you even take to shrink your penis? I’m pretty sure estradiol does that but I don’t think they had that back then

They had other estrogens and antiandrogens. The first commercial estrogen was released in 1933.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 12:45

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:39

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Rescue Toaster posted:

I forgot that existed. When I was in school and Surge debuted the company that distributed Surge was like... invited to come to the school to give out free sample cans and poo poo? How was that a thing?

Remembering that Daria episode where a cola company basically took over the school.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 13:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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