r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Captain Hygiene posted:

AITA for denying to pay child support for my ex roommates kid?

"You've met my kid, that makes you the dad now"

I would like to see the reaction if that lawsuit was ever actually attempted, though.

If you touch the baby, it�s real father will reject it and it will imprint on you, becoming your problem now.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 19:55

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# ? May 31, 2024 18:34

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Captain Hygiene posted:

AITA for denying to pay child support for my ex roommates kid?

"You've met my kid, that makes you the dad now"

I would like to see the reaction if that lawsuit was ever actually attempted, though.

Probably one of the topics most likely to cause redditors to lose their loving minds and start theorycrafting multi-step plans the OP MUST DO NOW to not get on the hook for 18 years of child support. They sure do love the idea that woman can somehow trap a man into raising a child he has nothing to do with in a parental role or biologically just from saying it out loud.

As always, despite people saying "you need to get a lawyer" that's not actually an issue until you get any kind of legal paperwork, which you then want to check comes from an actual lawyer not google copy/paste especially for what sounds like an insane person trying to shake you down.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 19:55

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

pentyne posted:

Probably one of the topics most likely to cause redditors to lose their loving minds and start theorycrafting multi-step plans the OP MUST DO NOW to not get on the hook for 18 years of child support. They sure do love the idea that woman can somehow trap a man into raising a child he has nothing to do with in a parental role or biologically just from saying it out loud.

Dat�s baby trap bitch!

# ? Jun 14, 2022 19:56

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

yes yes they are bad

# ? Jun 14, 2022 19:59

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

therobit posted:

Dat�s baby trap bitch!

Remember the one where the guy babysat his neighbors kids in an emergency and she got the bright idea she could now sue him for child support ?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:05

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Alien Arcana posted:

Reddit.

Gross!

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:07

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Tobermory posted:

Somebody's HR department is going to have a fun couple of days.

AITA for telling my coworker she�s a dick for insisting the vision I had of my dead grandfather wasn�t real?

Whatever the occult version of taking hoops off, I am doing that right now

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:10

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

quantumwell posted:

Remember the one where the guy babysat his neighbors kids in an emergency and she got the bright idea she could now sue him for child support ?

He worked from home and basically Babysat the kid for his mom while she worked, for free. She tried to sue him for child support and he stopped babysitting Immediately. She then called him an rear end in a top hat because she had to find new childcare.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:14

Enemabag Jones: Mar 24, 2015

If her grampa was Ernest Borgnine I have it on good faith that is the appropriate reaction

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:14

Cacator: Aug 6, 2005; You're quite good at turning me on.

therobit posted:

If you touch the baby, it’s real father will reject it and it will imprint on you, becoming your problem now.

Maybe her child is a baby duck?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:21

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

AITA for wearing a white dress to my friend’s wedding?

quote:

I can’t believe I’m using this Reddit account for ANOTHER wedding related issue. I (20F) met my friend Charlotte (21) when I moved into my college dorm in August 2020. We got along well, shared ideas for how we wanted to divide space and keep things clean/organized, and had many similar interests. Within a month we were studying & hanging out together, and I considered her a good friend. I also met her now-husband Josh (22). They seemed like a cute and loving couple, and I was very happy when they got engaged Christmas 2020 after 3.5 years together. Charlotte has spent the last 18 months planning this wedding down to the last detail. I won’t say she’s obsessive, but it’s been INTENSE and I’ve tried to help her as best I can with making appointments, managing stress, etc. I also gave her $250 to help pay for the wedding (her family can only afford part of it) which isn’t included in the wedding gift I’m going to give her.

A month before the wedding, I was still trying to decide exactly what to wear. I wanted something nice, because Charlotte said she would have a photographer, videographer, and wedding painter. I knew Charlotte had a vision for her wedding and I wanted her as in control as possible for all the details of her special day, so I asked her which dress out of the three I’d narrowed it down to that I should wear. She asked if I would actually pull out all my dresses, so I did. She ended up narrowing it down to one of my picks, along with a dress I had put firmly in the “no” pile for being white. It was a wedding after all. She told me both dresses were lovely, but that she prefers the white one. I asked if she was sure, and she said yes, and even picked out a pair of pink and white heels from her closet to go with my dress. I figured that was that.

Fast forward to last week, I show up in the dress about half an hour before the ceremony. I get some weird looks, but no one says anything. In hindsight, this is when I should have realized something wasn’t right. When Charlotte comes out of her dressing room for some last minute pictures, she looks shocked to see me, and then she starts turning red. She pulls me aside and starts going off on me immediately about wearing the dress to her wedding. I’m stunned. I ask her what the problem is, because SHE picked the dress out, and she told me it was a “friendship test” and that if we were real friends then I wouldn’t have worn a white dress or her shoes to her wedding. I started laughing because I honestly thought it was a joke, and she screamed at me that I ruined her “ f-ing wedding” and to “gtfo”. I flat out told her she was crazy and left, not wanting to fight anymore and not knowing how to deal with what happened. I grabbed my wedding gift to them on the way out.

My phone has been flooded with texts, voicemails, and social media notifs from her, her friends, and her family about what an AH I am, but I honestly don’t see what I did wrong. Am I really the rear end in a top hat here?

EDIT: Quite a few people have said YTA/ESH because “you should know not to wear white anyway” and I just want to clarify that I brought this point up to Charlotte more than once while asking if she was sure, and she insisted that I wear the white dress. She said I would look lovely and she wanted me to look my best for her wedding bc she wanted very nice pictures/videos. I would not have worn this dress if she had not assured me multiple times that it was what SHE wanted.

EDIT 2: Someone made a comment about how “if the bride is wearing white” I should at least be prepared for the weird glances. The bride didn’t even wear white. That was another non-traditional thing she did. She wore blue

Play stupid games...

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:21

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

quantumwell posted:

Remember the one where the guy babysat his neighbors kids in an emergency and she got the bright idea she could now sue him for child support ?

The women/child support stuff draws out some of the most insane opinions

- Pregnant co-worker who kept telling people OP was the father, he wasn't, but reddit was convinced she would put his name on the birth certificate and be forced to pay child support. Someone pointed out it doesn't work like that or women would just put "Brad Pitt" on it.

- OP who never had a child, getting harassed by dead ex's parents who are dead set convinced she had a secret grandchild she hid from them. Que people lining up to give their legal advice about how the court would force her to get a medical exam to prove she never had kids

- Guy who "fell in love" with his roommates child, decided to take on a parental role(oh and also start dating the roommate), and his mom was mad as poo poo at him over it. The whole situation was a very weird "always loved her" set-up

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:22

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Solenna posted:

AITA for wearing a white dress to my friend’s wedding?

Play stupid games...

Good news is that OP is young enough to start from scratch and get a new, hopefully more hinged set of friends.

pentyne posted:

- Guy who "fell in love" with his roommates child, decided to take on a parental role(oh and also start dating the roommate), and his mom was mad as poo poo at him over it. The whole situation was a very weird "always loved her" set-up

Yeah, he was outraged that the commenters were pissed off at him for not mentioning that they were dating and kept calling her "his friend", because "it shouldn't matter".

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:33

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

pentyne posted:

The women/child support stuff draws out some of the most insane opinions

"Que people lining up to give their legal advice about how the court would force her to get a medical exam to prove she never had kids"

Sadly this is entirely plausible given the invasive anti abortion laws now being passed.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:34

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

Yeah reddit in general has weird unhinged views on child support and parental rights and things.
-"Reddit, I found a lost kid at the mall and took him to security who reunited him with his mom. His mom was super thankful and pretty hot and she invited me out for dinner to repay me. Should I go?"
-"Don't go!!!! This is a classic scam single moms do, they pretend to lose their kid and use that as a test to find a stable beta man they an entrap"
-"Oh my god, lawyer up dude. She's going to use the mall security footage to prove you're the dad and demand child support"
-"Go on the date but ask for her to bring her kid. Get DNA from both of them, you'll need it for the upcoming custody trial. This is extremely serious and sadly very common in our modern man-hating society"
-"Hope you got your passport in order, there's a good chance you're already hosed and will need to flee the country. Here's a list of countries men can escape to that don't have extradition treaties with the US for forced male financial enslavement"

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:35

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

I recall that some time ago there was a spate of posters who'd been left in charge of a child they had no relationship with or to, by parents who apparently thought that they could tag someone into childcare and that person would have to look after the baby until they managed to tag someone else.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:53

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I remember at least one that had the little kid being dropped off at the OP's place, followed by those comedy sound effects of footsteps running back down the sidewalk, a car door slamming, and tires screeching off into the distance

# ? Jun 14, 2022 20:57

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Captain Hygiene posted:

I remember at least one that had the little kid being dropped off at the OP's place, followed by those comedy sound effects of footsteps running back down the sidewalk, a car door slamming, and tires screeching off into the distance

Yeah, and she called CPS, which is the correct move

# ? Jun 14, 2022 21:00

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

A lot of lovely people except social pressure and peer guilt to lead to free babysitting for them.

There's some rare exceptions, like the OP who had a single mom roommate, was a bit of a child-free weirdo, and when the roommate lost her babysitter the same day as she needed to sit for her life determining medical exams, OP went "tough poo poo I'm going to the movies"

# ? Jun 14, 2022 21:03

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for refusing to allow my SIL and her kid to go to my vacation house with us for the week?

quote:

My husband (30M) and I (29F) are planning a week long vacation at my vacation home that I inherited from my parents some years back. We are leaving Friday and coming home next Friday. We are bringing my 3 kids (12m, 9m, 6m). My husband had mentioned bringing along our mutual friends (Rob and Trish)and their 2 daughters (11 and 7) and I was completely okay with this. I them him to invite them, as our kids get along great and they are good company. The vacation home has lake access with canoes and kayaks and plenty of fishing/swimming areas and a nice sized fire pit. However, they unfortunately cant make it due to work.

My SIL "Jen" (46F) has a 12yo daughter named "Emma". I know I'm 100% going to sound like an AH here but I do not like this child and I can barely tolerate my SIL. My SIL raised Emma to believe she had Autism (she still thinks the doctors simply "dont want to diagnose her" despite them running multiple tests and stating it's truly just ADHD). Everything that Emma does is excused as "well she has autism and doesnt think or react the same way as other kids". She is a massive bully to both kids and adults. I can't even count how many times she has looked at me while I'm talking and said "Will you just stop talking? It's really annoying." Stuff like that.

Well last week Emma was pulled from school for mental health because she bullied the wrong kid and it backfired. So my SIL pulls her from school, excuses it as Autism and says she needs a "much needed mental health break". My SIL knows we are going and asked my husband if they could come; so he asks me if I would be willing to let my SIL and her kid tag along and I immediately said no. Absolutely not, under no circumstances. He says he understands why I wouldnt want them to but claims maybe being away from electronics and the city will help his neice and I said that I wasnt willing to have a lovely time to test whether or not it helps his neice and that this is supposed to be our break, not an added headache. His final argument was that the boys could "use the company" and I laughed and said "In what world do you think the boys would want her company considering they dont even like going to her house?" He put his hands up and said "alright, no problem", tells his sister I said no and now she is fuming at us; saying her kid needs the break and she feels like we are being unnecessarily harsh.

but the kid's already getting a break, why does she need to take it at the vacation house :thunkher:

# ? Jun 14, 2022 21:45

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

kntfkr posted:

how do kids even stumble into chastity play with tumblr gone

You know Tumblr still exists, right?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 21:47

endlessmonotony: Nov 4, 2009; by Fritz the Horse

Tobermory posted:

Somebody's HR department is going to have a fun couple of days.

AITA for telling my coworker she�s a dick for insisting the vision I had of my dead grandfather wasn�t real?

Reddit is, predictably, saying "ghosts aren't real".

The OP melted down over it in a way that makes it hilariously clear they're an unreliable narrator.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:17

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

There's something strange/In watercooler talk/Who you gonna call?/GHOSTBUSTERS!

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:19

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

someone who won't shut up about their ghost experiences would probably get me to snap eventually

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:20

endlessmonotony: Nov 4, 2009; by Fritz the Horse

Absurd Alhazred posted:

There's something strange/In watercooler talk/Who you gonna call?/GHOSTBUSTERS!

Bustin' makes me feel good.

... don't tell HR I said that.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:20

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Baronjutter posted:

Imagine being so obsessed with what your nosey judgemental sister thinks of your relationship you're willing to nuke your own just to prove something to her.

She had a perfectly good boyfriend who indulged her fetishes and she picked the person who's been belittling her this entire time instead.

Larry Cum Free posted:

Reddit posters have a suspiciously high frequency of relatives who snoop through their rooms, "accidentally" find their sex toys and freak out about it.

Just this past weekend, a parent asked reddit to identify a mysterious black object they found while cleaning their college-aged son's room. It was a cock cage.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:36

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

DemoneeHo posted:

Just this past weekend, a parent asked reddit to identify a mysterious black object they found while cleaning their college-aged son's room. It was a cock cage.

Sure.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:41

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Some cocks aren't meant to be caged.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:45

kntfkr: Feb 11, 2019; GOOSE FUCKER

Midnight Voyager posted:

You know Tumblr still exists, right?

It is not the same fetish heavy hellscape i loved and hated.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:49

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

kntfkr posted:

It is not the same fetish heavy hellscape i loved and hated.

Ahh that's true. You have to dig into the slime of Deviantart for fetish hell these days.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:55

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I don't know what to think about this one.

AITA For wanting to get a tattoo with my ex, even though I have a girlfriend

quote:

So this requires a little bit of background information. I am 18, I recently graduated high school. This past Senior year, I started dating a girl in the beginning of first semester, one thing led to another, and she became pregnant (accidentally). We decided to keep the baby, and had a name picked out and everything (the baby was going to be a girl). Unfourtunately, my ex lost the baby and we split up shortly after, we remained (and still remain) aquantiances.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago, I entered a relationship with my current girlfriend and I did let her know straight away what had happened in my last relationship, just so there weren't any surprises or me hiding anything. She was already on the offense, saying that I should just forget about it and let it be, that it "didn't matter" anymore.

A few weeks ago, my ex texted me (we text here and their, just checking in on one another after what had happened) and she brought up the idea of getting a tattoo together, of our daughters name. She said she was going off to college in a different state and wanted to do it before she left as a last memory, since we won't talk much afterwards. I thought that was a good idea, but I wanted to check with my gf just to make sure she was fine with it.

I told my girlfriend about it and she was absoultely not having it whatsoever. She told me that relationship was over and that I need to grow up and forget the past (mind you, we're the same age). She told me if I do it she will have no reason to be with me and that it'll show what kind of person I am. I had no idea what she meant by that in all honesty. I even told her, the tattoo was of my daughters name, not of my ex or anything.

I am really at a loss here now. So reddit, AITA?

Reddit is almost overwhelmingly NTA, I'm just weirded out that he's emotionally invested in an acquaintance who he accidentally got pregnant when they were dating and then had a miscarriage? And if he is, why is he dating someone else? He clearly needs space. The GF should just peace out instead of getting in his face about this, either way.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:55

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Help! My Niece Loves Showing Off Her New Boobs. I Need Her to Stay Away From My Husband.

quote:

Q. Inappropriate: Our niece recently got a boob job. She looks great. The problem is that she always is dressed inappropriately at FAMILY gatherings. It�s beyond ridiculous. We have to sit across the table from her while she�s flaunting her boobs. I mean her shirts are low-cut below her front bra line and she�s way too exposed. She might as well be wearing a bikini top. Sooooo inappropriate! Even when visiting her 90-year-old grandfather.

My husband is a diagnosed sex addict. I just can�t handle this. I find this situation inescapable. We can�t not attend family gatherings. I dread them now. No one else seems to care.

We were at my husband�s 60th birthday dinner last night and not a single other female in the restaurant was dressed like her. Her mother used to be the same way but has finally curbed it somewhat due to her older age. She�s no longer as big of a concern compared to her daughter. Obviously the niece learned it from her mother. The niece has a new boyfriend at every event practically; we can�t keep up with their names.

I go out of my way to dress appropriately around the family. I try to set an example. I have large breasts too and am not jealous. I just have to worry if my husband is looking and feeding her desperateness. It�s awful. I secretly cry over it.

What can I do short of divorcing my husband to end this misery??? I�m so sick of it. We have another birthday celebration tomorrow night for the 90-year-old grandfather and she will no doubt be dressed beyond inappropriate. I can�t deal with this anymore!

A: I think the solution is to leave your husband at home for family events. It�s not clear whether he�s behaving inappropriately or whether seeing your niece is simply triggering to him, but his recovery is his responsibility.

Furthermore, it sounds like the person with the problem here is you. I understand that you don�t agree with your niece�s choices, but you don�t have to. It�s not your body. You�ll free yourself from this torture by releasing your opinions, because our opinions rarely change anyone else�s actions. If the combination of your niece and your husband is too stressful for you, uninvite your husband and choose a seat away from your niece. Everybody will be fine.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 22:58

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

The idea of even chancing a nip slip at a family event is making my blood freeze. Girl you do you but like, why.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:02

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

I know exactly how I feel about this one, fortunately:

AITA for not giving my sister my son's old toys?

quote:

I (39f) have a 13 year old son. My son has a pretty extensive collection of Beanie Babies, some inherited from my childhood and some that I have gotten for him over the years. They were always his favorite toys as a little boy. He built a little cardboard village for them, and each one had their own job and relationships within the community. It was very cute and I loved to hear his stories about what new escapades the Beanie Village was getting up to.

As he has gotten older, he claims that he doesn't play with them any more, but I suspect that Beanie Village is still an active township (I've heard him doing voices every once in a while). My husband says he doesn't see the harm in it, comparing it to my sister's older daughter playing the Sims, and I'm inclined to agree with him.

A few days ago, my sister called asking if Benji had any old toys that I could give to her. I said I'd check with him and see if he had anything he'd be fine with letting go. She seemed a little surprised that I would even ask him. I went into his room and asked him if he'd be willing to give up some of his old toys. He went to the shelf and took down some Breyer horses and went into his closet and pulled out a bunch of stuffed animals that were crammed in there, with the exception of Sheepo his old stuffed sheep.

I asked "Are there any Beanies you don't need anymore?" He said "Welllll, I guess I could look..." but the expression on his face was a definite no. I said "No worries if you want to keep them, this is plenty." He brightened up instantly. I thanked him and took the box of toys to my sister's house. She immediately asked where the Beanie were. I said "This is what he gave me. I think it's a decent amount of toys."

My sister started telling me about how last time she and her family had come over her younger daughter had loved playing with Benji's Beanies and begged her to get her some for her birthday. I said "Beanies aren't too expensive. Maybe you could just get a couple for each special occasion so she can build a collection like Benji." She then called me selfish and my son immature for not giving up his "baby toys". She then said that my husband and I were raising a socially stunted child who still played with dolls.

I dropped the box of toys at her feet, told her she was welcome for the free poo poo, and drove home. I was so upset at her entitled behavior and insults to me and my son. Benji overheard me venting to my husband and is now saying that he feels bad for not giving her any of the Beanies. My mother called me and said I was being selfish and that my sister has a greater need than Benji does (my sister has 6 children). Am I the rear end in a top hat for not giving away my son's favorite childhood toys?

Does her sister think she's going to be able to resell them or something? I thought the craze was a one-time thing.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:13

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I know exactly how I feel about this one, fortunately:

AITA for not giving my sister my son's old toys?

Does her sister think she's going to be able to resell them or something? I thought the craze was a one-time thing.

Ones that have been played with are worth even less on resale, and they aren't worth much as it is.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:15

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Midnight Voyager posted:

Ones that have been played with are worth even less on resale, and they aren't worth much as it is.

Then I'm honestly just baffled. :confused:

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:16

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for yelling at my mom's husband in public?

quote:

Background: My dad died when I was 7 years old. My mom remarried when I was 9. I'm now 16. My mom's husband, which is what I call him because I do not feel he deserves the title of stepdad or dad, came into the relationship with some clear jealousy. He told my mom to take down all the photos of my dad in our house, bringing up that it felt like dad's house vs his, even though mom and I had moved prior to their marriage and after my dad died. So it was never my dad's house. He then made a big deal out of me having so many photos of my family and my parents in my room. I told him I liked looking at them and I liked having the memories near. He said I could put photos of my dad away, so he wasn't intruding on our family. I told him I didn't like him (I was 9) and he wasn't going to take my dad from me.

He kicked my grandparents aka dad's parents out of our house when I was 10, because they brought me some childhood photos of dad. He went crazy saying he didn't want photos of "that man" in his house. I never did forgive him for that.

He told me to stop bringing up my dad. One time mom and I were talking about dad on his birthday and he said it was disrespectful and he didn't want to feel like he was competing with a ghost. My mom ended the conversation and she apologized to him. But I was pissed off at him more than anything. He was such an rear end to friends of our family who knew my dad. Any time someone commented that I was getting more like him he would scowl at them and tell them to move the conversation along because "talking about a dead man" was uncomfortable for most people.

He used the line once that he was the only dad I ever had and I told him that was not loving true and he was never going to be worthy of being my dad.

Anyway, that's a lot of background but not all since I don't have unlimited typing space. My mom's birthday was Saturday and her husband threw her a party. Midway through he gives me a "gift". Inside was a photo of himself that he wanted me to put in my room and adoption papers. I tossed the adoption papers in the trash. He saw what I did which led him to make a comment about not being able to toss away the truth. I got mad so loving fast. I told him to get over himself. That his jealousy and insecurity was not my problem and I would never let him legally become my father, that I didn't even want him married to my mom and he was a disgusting rear end in a top hat. Everyone heard what I said.

He's still furious. My mom was upset by his anger. Almost everyone left after I yelled.

AITA?

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:22

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Then I'm honestly just baffled.

It's almost certainly just one of those "My kid wants it and I don't think your kid should want it, so give it to me now" entitlement bullshit things.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:24

Woodchip: Mar 28, 2010

old sibling habits - how can I (30F) build a better relationship with my sister (28F)?

quote:

I recently married my longtime partner in a small ceremony with each set of parents and siblings as our guests. I (30F) will refer to my sister (28F) as Annie.

I asked Annie to be our officiant and explained to her how meaningful it would be to me and my partner to have her officiate our ceremony, and she did a lovely job on the day of. Privately, I also thought giving her a significant role would help her feel more included, as she�s expressed insecurities about being a third wheel in her friend groups over the years.

The day after the wedding, my sister asks me and my partner, �Hey, do you guys think you could not hold hands around me? Since I�m the only single person here it makes me feel really insecure.�

I felt my face get hot & agitated - I just stared ahead while trying to process how to respond. I replied in a low voice with something like, �..we�re not making out,� but then my partner and I did let go of each other�s hands, it felt weird all of a sudden. This interaction was witnessed by several family members.

Later on when Annie wasn�t at the table, my mother-in-law asked if everything was ok and my mom explained, �I think Annie is just feeling a little bereft. Weddings can do that to people and Annie has big feelings. Yesterday reminded her that things are changing and that can be a little startling.� My in-laws were very understanding, but I was embarrassed and annoyed. Annie had a lot of tantrums as a kid and this felt just like a crappy repeat of one from 20 years ago. The rest of the day moved on � I didn�t intentionally give Annie the cold shoulder, but I was trying to keep interactions to a minimum and be cordial because I was still upset with her. I didn�t want to cause tension in the group or ruin the last full day of the trip. I found out later that my partner apologized to Annie that day � he said he was sorry that the trip brought up feelings of insecurity for her and she told him that she was jealous of how close we were.

For some background, Annie has always been an emotional person, but that�s not a bad quality. She�s dedicated, compassionate, & friendly, but can also be direct, impolite, & overly analytical. As kids, I would intentionally cheat at board games in her favor because she was a terrible loser. If we shared a treat, Annie typically chose which half she wanted because she sulked too much otherwise. My parents often encouraged me to let her have her way to keep the peace. She�s grown a lot, but still has some infuriatingly immature tendencies that make it feel like we�re 9 & 12 again. I know I�ve got my own areas that need work, but I really thought I was done having to placate her now that we�re adults. It�s ridiculous to ask newlyweds to stop holding hands. I think her comment dredged up all these previous major and micro memories of having to put her feelings/needs first.

I want Annie to understand how rude her request was and I�d like to ask her how she would feel if I had asked her and her spouse the same question. But mostly, I genuinely just want to figure out how to have a good relationship as adults. What can I do to make things easier for her without falling into our old childhood habits? I welcome outside perspectives on how to talk to her about what happened�thank you for reading.

TLDR: My sister asked me and my newlywed spouse to stop holding hands because it made her feel insecure. I got mad and now things are tense between us and I don�t know how to improve our relationship until I can get some old frustrations off my chest.

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:47

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# ? May 31, 2024 18:34

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Woodchip posted:

old sibling habits - how can I (30F) build a better relationship with my sister (28F)?

Cut! Her! Out! Of! Your! Life! OP!

# ? Jun 14, 2022 23:52

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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