(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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StashAugustine posted:For a while (regularly over the past month or two I think?) I've been in the habit of having a can of beer when I get home from second shift (ie an hour or so before I go to sleep) but I've been realizing that it's loving with my sleep and decided to knock it off this week just to test it out. Unsurprisingly I've been sleeping better, and i havent had urges to drink-even the way i do for like the ice cream ive got- but for the past few days I've been feeling increasingly uneasy- not really anxious but just kinda weird and wrong like somethings not right and I can't figure it out. There's a lot of stuff that could be causing this- and I am meeting with a therapist next week so I can talk some of it over- but I'm kinda worried this is because I stopped drinking and it's a bigger problem than I thought. (I am also a bit of a hypochondriac so I could just be worried over nothing.) Just wanted to know if anyone had any first pass opinions about this not particularly similar but in my experience it's just something that goes along with quitting a substance. I still feel like my weekends are very, very wrong and not what I'm supposed to be doing because I spend them eating and playing with the dog instead of speed and video games and not eating and it just feels empty and wrong, still, and i've been off of it since covid except for falling off the wagon once. the reason for this is almost 100% certainly the chemicals in your brain wanting to have its good chemicals and you saying no, since it doesn't sound like you're deeply in physical withdrawl or anything, but talking to a therapist sounds like a better idea. Push past it with something that you wouldn't normally combine with drinking to get yourself past the weird feeling and wake up feeling better.
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Jun 18, 2022 16:34
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Yeah on weeknights I usually just go to bed anyway, it's just weird since I hadn't heard people really talk about it much and I didn't really get urges. It wasn't even at the same time, it'd be in the middle of the day. Ofc it could just be other things going on in my life. That is one thing I've been kinda thinking about since talking to my therapist recently, that I have a hard time sorting out my emotions and physical feelings, possibly in part because I tend to be very driven to overthinking things. But honestly I don't even really know what "being in touch with my emotions" or whatever would feel like, it's an outside context problem for me
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Jun 19, 2022 03:25
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Gene Wolfe, The Book of the New Sun posted:No intellect is needed to see those figures who wait beyond the void of death—every child is aware of them, blazing with glories dark or bright, wrapped in authority older than the universe. They are the stuff of our earliest dreams, as of our dying visions. Rightly we feel our lives guided by them, and rightly too we feel how little we matter to them, the builders of the unimaginable, the fighters of wars beyond the totality of existence.
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Jun 19, 2022 03:27
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"My soul? Personal Agency you say? Neigh! I am but a horse, and rider, but not somehow considerable as both such all at once when describing the sensations..." It absolutely does describe the perceptible fumbliness and non-instant nature of personal internal accomplishment though. Come on self, come on...almost there...
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Jun 20, 2022 14:37
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small brain: severian is telling the truth big brain: severian is lying cosmic brain: severian is dissociating 
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Jun 20, 2022 14:42
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Tuxedo Catfish posted:small brain: severian is telling the truth Well I'm sure it doesn't help that he's got some company up there men would literally rather write a four volume memoir leading up to them eating the king's brain than go to therapy
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Jun 20, 2022 18:08
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Uganda Loves Me posted:I get used to things being a certain way, and it simply doesn't occur to me that they could be different. Josherino posted:Why does the repairing process have to hurt so drat much?  I know all about that, it's a hard battle to fight every day
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Jun 23, 2022 17:15
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I started drawing and writing again THREE YEARS after leaving my last nightmare job, yeah it takes time. The partner you have to work with on every single thing in your life is yourself, and if they aren't functional or healthy, you're not doing anything worthwhile by trying to power yourself through it. Persevering past discouragement and ignoring injury and only injuring yourself more are two different things.
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Jun 23, 2022 23:20
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I am one of you guys. Oh boy am I one of you guys. If your worst nightmare is going mad and being strapped to table and pumped full of tranquilisers. Don't worry. Not on the NHS. Just endless phone loops. The best ones are the ones where the doc rings back and then hangs up the second you answer and then you have to pay £2 to access your voicemail to have an Indian Doctor with an incomprehensible accent tell you to ring them and expect you to know who they are.
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Jun 24, 2022 09:38
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The thing I fear is shithead authority figures using involuntary commitment as a way to punish people who sass them, possibly knowing that sending cops after someone for any reason has a nonzero chance of that person dying.
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Jun 25, 2022 08:36
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I'm fascinated by the people in the tiny town I moved to. They are all extremely uncurious people. I tried to have conversations with coworkers about the Supreme Court ruling today and the amount of remedial ground I had to go over about what the federal right to abortion even meant was insane. It makes me value my peer groups and communities like cspam where those things can be taken for granted. These people think greek food is too ethnic. These are just people of the land, the common clay of the West. You know … morons.
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Jun 25, 2022 08:49
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I have multiple family members working in the places that receives people who are involuntary committed, and they're not there because of someone's spite. They're psychotic or actively hurting themselves, and as soon as they stop they're released, even when they still need help, because holding them is so expensive. According to them they do receive people who should not be there, but those are people who voluntarily commit themselves because they're lonely and like the structure and attention.
thotsky has issued a correction as of 10:11 on Jun 25, 2022 |
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Jun 25, 2022 10:07
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nm
Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 11:30 on Jun 25, 2022 |
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Jun 25, 2022 11:05
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been tossing around the idea of group therapy for social anxiety but man its a pain to find something that works with night shift
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Jun 26, 2022 23:16
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i really don't know how i'll feel tomorrow, but i sure feel like poo poo today. job hunting has not been going well. today marks the first call back since i started job hunting back in April, and that was to let me know they found someone more qualified. it was a job in a field i've been trying to work in for 20 years, but apparently the only inroads are through unpaid internships and i did not come from any family rich enough to afford that free labor horseshit. it was probably about ten minutes later that i found myself in a thought spiral about why i've been without a job this long. am i overqualified? am i underqualified? do they think i misspelled my own name? does having a college degree tell them i'd ask for too much money? whatever it is they want, i don't got. and what i got, nobody around here is hiring for it. and if i can't afford simple poo poo like prescriptions, i sure as poo poo can't afford to move. the thought spiral spreads out from there to other aspects in my life that aren't going well ("huh, i am having the same luck with employment that i have had with my social life, friendships, dating, ambitions... hell, i just can't do a loving thing right, can I?"). as many times as it has happened in the 42 years i have blighted the face of this earth, you'd think i would accept rejection as a fact of life. and in some ways, i do. the joy of hope has long been beaten out of me, i don't go into anything with any expectations, i expect much more from myself than i do those around me, and i've been left hanging so often that i've learned not to ask for help even when i probably should. rejection still stings like hell when it does happen. and i guess it's hurting more than i thought today. i am at least stepping out of my own mind and recognizing that yes, this is just me being mean to myself because my brain is a shithead, and that i am as smart as the few people left of whom i haven't completely alienated say i am. i genuinely don't know what to do at this point. a job shouldn't determine the value of a person, but it does in this cursed loving demon cracker honkey nation and right now i feel completely loving worthless.
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Jun 29, 2022 05:08
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Been going through the same poo poo. What I've been able to do is every single day I manage to live a semi-comfortable, or at least, non-painful existence without working is a victory over this rotten society and economy. Today I had a beer, sat in air conditioning, and had a working computer to doomscroll. Thing were okay today.
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Jun 29, 2022 06:20
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I just realized that last week marks the one year anniversary of my mental breakdown from work lol, which prompted me to quit. My professional life has been a disaster since then. Honestly, the only reasons why I haven't completely lost it mentally are that my social life is decent and my physical health is doing well.
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Jun 29, 2022 18:02
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Ah yes. Two weeks ago, I called to set up an appointment. The nurse clearly didn't understand what I was saying but set up a phone appointment mentioning ONLY the simpler problem she understood. Doc cancelled the appointment without telling me sending me a text message with the simpler answer. The more difficult question is time-sensitive and requires specialist consultation. gently caress this poo poo.
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Jun 30, 2022 16:27
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I know what the problem is, the problem is I have very complex problems involving dozens of doctors, spread across four different data systems, nobody's done any organizing or processing the data, and the medical staff are overworked. So they half-rear end it, and they don't understand my condition, because they're not specialist doctors. So they get it wrong, often. More often than not. But man they can be real pieces of poo poo about me insisting they correct their errors.
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Jun 30, 2022 16:39
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Went to give blood, did the whole process, they rigged me up, I wasn't pumping fast enough into the sample bit despite having elevated blood pressure and heart rate. So now I get a bruise, wasted an hour, and nobody will be helped. Then I went upstairs to grab a computer. Door is locked. Call security to open it. Wait 20 minutes while standing before I just say gently caress it and leave. Nobody was helped. Put in effort, hit a block, all the work is invalidated and I'm left worse off than if I had done nothing at all. Story of my life.
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Jul 1, 2022 00:54
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Pharmacy wouldn't do a prescription refill because my Medicare prescription insurance thing just stopped covering the quantity requested for whatever reason, they're saying they will only cover half the number of pills. So I call the insurance company and they say they will contact my doctor's office and have them do a new prescription for the quantity insurance will cover. Well today it looks like the new prescription is for the same damned quantity that was denied in the first place so the pharmacy won't fill it, unless of course I want to pay for what insurance won't cover. So I guess I have to wait until next week and call my doctor's office or something. This is all pretty dumb and irritating.
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Jul 2, 2022 04:27
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Shifty Nipples posted:Pharmacy wouldn't do a prescription refill because my Medicare prescription insurance thing just stopped covering the quantity requested for whatever reason, they're saying they will only cover half the number of pills. So I call the insurance company and they say they will contact my doctor's office and have them do a new prescription for the quantity insurance will cover. Well today it looks like the new prescription is for the same damned quantity that was denied in the first place so the pharmacy won't fill it, unless of course I want to pay for what insurance won't cover. So I guess I have to wait until next week and call my doctor's office or something. This is all pretty dumb and irritating. My pharmacy started charging me 45 bux on top of the copay so I can get adderall there.
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Jul 2, 2022 04:48
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skooma512 posted:My pharmacy started charging me 45 bux on top of the copay so I can get adderall there. drat that's not cool.
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Jul 2, 2022 05:09
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getting schedule drugs is such horseshit 
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Jul 2, 2022 21:28
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GoLambo posted:How the gently caress do you actually get a talk therapist? Typically you want to find a therapist practicing cognitive behavioral therapy in order to get a "talk" therapist. There's some others but CBT is the most common and probably the fastest way to sort out if they'll actually do talk therapy. Sorry if this was already suggested, woke up with ocular migraine (thanks covid!) and so it's hard to catch up on the thread just yet lol.
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Jul 3, 2022 11:49
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802.11weed posted:that’s really cool and i wish i could just, not have ridiculous anxiety and self loathing, and just be confident and chill around people. i also wish i had the courage/willpower to transition but i don’t. a single person being lovely to me irl would prob. cause me to self harm again b/c i can’t cope with even perceived rejection I don't know if this is an option for you but I have two suggestions. (I'm a trans dude who transitioned later in life btw so my heart goes out to you.) First, there are things you can do that don't "out" you to anyone yet. If possible, I'd suggest finding a gender therapist. This is a very specific type of therapist. They specialize in not just transition stuff, but the very stuff you're going through right now. You aren't like, required to be transitioning when you see them. In fact, it's more beneficial to have gender therapy at the kinda "stuck stage" you're in. And then second, have you tried doing gender affirming type stuff when you're alone? Just whatever things you can do while alone that helps you feel even a little bit like the gender you're targeting. If it makes you feel better even a bit, that's the goal. Does not have to be one grand public coming out party any time soon. Obviously this is harder if you live with others you don't trust with this information. But it can still be possible. I once had a neighbor who confided in me that he was a cross dresser but his wife throws away all of his fem clothes when she finds them. So I offered to hide his favorite clothes in my house lol. Just doing my part. Also, if you haven't seen it already, there's a very active trans goon thread somewhere in BYOB I think? Or the Cool Zone, something like that. I'm phone posting otherwise I'd double check. Please feel free to post as much as you need to in that thread if you can find it and haven't already. Lots of good support there. Tulip posted:So like, first thing I'm gonna say is I'm cis so like, trans goons please feel free to override me and discount anything I might say. I think you said this very well and I'm totally stealing the 'transed their gender' line because I love it. Not sure if that's a thing the kids say or just something you made up lol. It's cute.
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Jul 3, 2022 12:04
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I feel like my mood is OK but then I slept for almost 20 hours yesterday and 12+ today and I'm still kind of tired so maybe I'm loving wrong.Goobish posted:I think you said this very well and I'm totally stealing the 'transed their gender' line because I love it. Not sure if that's a thing the kids say or just something you made up lol. It's cute. No idea if its "the kids," I got it from Abigail Thorn (aka PhilosophyTube) who uses that grammar a lot on Kill James Bond.
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Jul 4, 2022 02:12
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It would be nice if my brain could settle on either being incredibly lonely or never wanting to see another person again. Can't have both.
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Jul 5, 2022 01:00
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Tulip posted:No idea if its "the kids," I got it from Abigail Thorn (aka PhilosophyTube) who uses that grammar a lot on Kill James Bond. I'm surpised I didnt recignize that, I've been a fan of hers for awhile. I'm also a philosophy major drop out so I fell in love with that channel. Philosophy rules, (mostly).
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Jul 5, 2022 03:52
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Failson posted:It would be nice if my brain could settle on either being incredibly lonely or never wanting to see another person again. Can't have both. tbh maybe this is just my personal experience but I'd say they're actually pretty complimentary- one might even say it's something of a dialectic! feeling lonely makes you feel rejected which creates the contradictory thought that you need to cut yourself off from other people, but in practice that often just heightens the feeling of loneliness and the whole thing starts looping back in on itself. how to resolve this? good fuckin question, though recently I've found that just going to therapy has helped in that I feel like I'm at least trying to improve myself
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Jul 5, 2022 17:10
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Failson posted:It would be nice if my brain could settle on either being incredibly lonely or never wanting to see another person again. Can't have both. I saw a joke on twitter once. Leaving the house: good for your depression, bad for your anxiety Staying home: bad for your depression, good for your anxiety
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Jul 6, 2022 11:59
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I just attended a webinar on opioid use and homeless through SAMHSA. I've been meaning to take their training for a while now, but haven't done it. It was triggering, but also very informative and a bit motivating. All of the panelists were peers in recovery from opioid use. I don't have addiction issues. I found some parts relatable, and a lot of it to be new information. It was a huge relief to hear someone call out the use of "consumer" to describe peers. I posted about attending a county advisory board meeting a few months ago, and everyone there called us consumers. One person even said "can you really put a price on recovery?" in response to the cost of staying overnight at a mental health facility. What a difference it makes when peers are the ones explaining things! At today's meeting, they talked extensively about the monetary cost of their treatment. I remember that topic being forbidden at the intensive outpatient program I attended years ago. It's certainly downplayed by many mental health professionals. I'm realizing just how many of our problems stem from capitalism and a purposeful lack of social services. My mood's been all over the place, and I honestly don't even know how to define it right now. Hypomania, anxiety, sleep deprivation, and bouts of deep depression all mixed together. I'm trying to take care of myself in the usual, recommended ways. Taking my meds regularly, eating healthy, getting some exercise (not as much as I could be getting), reaching out to people, and trying to get enough sleep. I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today. I've essentially been avoiding most of the people at my local NAMI chapter, and I'm changing that. I finally opened up to some people about why I left the in-person support group. They related to my experiences with the narcissistic facilitator. I could come back, try to set boundaries, or try to have that person removed. I dunno. I was on the verge of a meltdown before, and simply couldn't deal with the situation directly. I'm going to attend our chapter's first peer to peer class since I stopped teaching it two years ago. I miss teaching the classes. I'll be just attending this one and offering help if they want it. I'm tempted to attend the next advisory board meeting for the county, and talk about why it's not ok to call us "consumers." I know at least one NAMI board member will be attending, and I haven't faced any of them since I sent in my resignation letter. I know some will be present at the peer to peer class, as family to family will be taught in a nearby room. I don't expect any confrontation, and I know they wanted me back on the board. I won't be re-joining, and am mostly just embarrassed about the situation. I took thehandtruck's advice and started looking up therapists through Psychology Today. I'm finding ones that focus on bipolar disorder, DBT, and take my insurance. I don't know how else I would have narrowed them down that way. I used to just call clinics, hoping they'd have room and take my insurance. Needless to say, that didn't work. I've been feeling shaky recently, and I'm hoping it's just temporary. I know my medications can cause a permanent tremor. I've seen people who can barely sign their name due to their tremors. One of my favorite comedians, Maria Bamford, was on a reality tv cooking show. She has bipolar disorder, too. She could barely hold any utensils due to her tremors. She joked about just being anxious. I'll talk to my psych NP about it. I'm seriously considering looking into better healthcare. It's slim pickings in my immediate area, but apparently I can switch to insurance that gives me access to a nearby university's health system. It would be a hassle to drive there, but I think they have satellite locations closer to me. Hopefully telehealth will be an option. I'm not feeling particularly hopeful, but I'm trying.
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Jul 6, 2022 20:54
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That's some good poo poo ULM! I've had a rotten couple weeks with some good punctuating moments. Seeing theocracy win in the Supreme Court has been super troubling and I live in a area where people just absolutely do not give a poo poo. It's really frustrating. Saw some family at a memorial for relatives that died during COVID. Trying to focus on the good parts and remember that I have no control over the bad ones that wouldn't leave me a martyr (martyrs can't jack off or play video games). Living in an isolated smaller town doing a random lovely job has its upsides and downsides but at least I know this is all temporary. It has been good for me in general I think. Starting to look forward to getting back into civilization. Maybe I will be able to get work that uses my brain instead of my body!
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Jul 6, 2022 23:03
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I'm finding it so mentally difficult to resume my job search. I've been spending the past TWO MONTHS preparing for a new job - did interviews, took and aced preliminary exams, etc. The recruiter even offered me the position and was ready to welcome me to the team and then all of a sudden they suddenly forgot to tell me that it wasn't remote and they weren't hiring from my location, so they withdrew the offer. I literally told them first thing where I was living so I assumed that it was either remote or that they would allow me time to relocate. I know it's just a complete misunderstanding but I'm so frustrated and I'm so anxious and depressed to start the job search again. I had been applying to jobs since the start of March and I'm feeling so overwhelmed by the constant cycle of applying to jobs and then not getting them. But this was especially bad since I did have the offer lined up, only for it to be rescinded in the end. I'm finding it hard to have the energy to work on job applications again. I've been doing volunteer work on the side since spring to keep myself preoccupied and to put things on my resume but I still hope to get a job soon so I can actually earn income and find more purpose with what I want to do with my life. This was a bit of a venty post, but it makes me feel a little better to let it all out. I hope everyone else is doing okay.
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Jul 7, 2022 00:34
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Thanks Jorge! I had a good visit with my psychiatric nurse practitioner. I was worried my psych meds might have given me a tremor, but I think it's a temporary issue caused by another medication. I found a therapist in my area through Psychology Today who mentioned validation in their profile, among other things that seemed like a good fit for me. I called, and I hope they are taking new patients. Also, I think there's value in venting. It's nice to have a safe outlet get stuff out. Reading about someone else going through a similar situation is validating. 
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Jul 7, 2022 03:14
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Half the reason I read this thread is to see how people are dealing with poo poo. While I get more out of the posts when the situation is applicable to me, it's always nice to know that other people are going through poo poo and I'm not the only one that feels wounded. Our social presence with peers outside of close friendships or family can be very sanitized, it's good to see some scrapes and scabs sometimes.
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Jul 7, 2022 07:34
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Goobish posted:I don't know if this is an option for you but I have two suggestions. (I'm a trans dude who transitioned later in life btw so my heart goes out to you.) First, there are things you can do that don't "out" you to anyone yet. If possible, I'd suggest finding a gender therapist. This is a very specific type of therapist. They specialize in not just transition stuff, but the very stuff you're going through right now. You aren't like, required to be transitioning when you see them. In fact, it's more beneficial to have gender therapy at the kinda "stuck stage" you're in. And then second, have you tried doing gender affirming type stuff when you're alone? Just whatever things you can do while alone that helps you feel even a little bit like the gender you're targeting. If it makes you feel better even a bit, that's the goal. Does not have to be one grand public coming out party any time soon. Obviously this is harder if you live with others you don't trust with this information. But it can still be possible. Thank you. I’m currently seeing a therapist who has gender stuff as one of her specialties. It’s pretty hard to talk about for me so we’ve been focusing on anxiety for now. It’s helping, and I’m getting more comfortable, I’m hoping to start talking about the heavier things soon. As for the second thing, yes I have, but I still live with my parents so it’s very infrequent and never for very long. Feels fantastic. I don’t get much privacy, there’s a lot I’d like to do but can’t for now. I’m planning on moving out in december. I’m both really excited and really scared. Never been on my own for more than a week or two. I hope I can manage without having to change jobs. I really like the people I work with and I’m decently confident that they would treat me well if I transitioned. Huh, I feel weird about saying “if”. I’m actually certain that I’m going to do it. When I think about the possible future where I don’t, I get really loving depressed. I don’t have a choice. I’ve seen and felt how happy it makes me. I’ve been in denial for like 16 years. Scary times ahead. But not as scary as where my mind goes when I do nothing about it.
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Jul 7, 2022 12:22
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802.11weed posted:Thank you. I’m currently seeing a therapist who has gender stuff as one of her specialties. It’s pretty hard to talk about for me so we’ve been focusing on anxiety for now. It’s helping, and I’m getting more comfortable, I’m hoping to start talking about the heavier things soon. Oh gently caress yeah. I'm optimistic. A lot of big important moves are scary, but at least you know what you've gotta do, even if the how has some uncertainty.
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Jul 7, 2022 14:49
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hell yeah weed hope it works out for ya, even just taking steps forward feels good been thinking over my recent therapy sessions; I've been thinking about that issue with social anxiety that we were talking about a bit up thread. I feel like I'm desperate for affirmation for a variety of reasons, but then I am really bad at actually trying to navigate social situations; which then causes me to think (both rightly and wrongly) that I'm just inconveniencing people, which then feeds back into low self esteem and the whole thing continues. Still not really sure how to resolve it, I've been looking around for group therapy stuff but idk if anyone is available right now. I've also been kinda thinking about how to recognize and regulate my emotions. I've been trying to do some mindfulness stuff in therapy but I've noticed that even trying to think out and describe my emotions itself seems to calm me down. Like I was talking today about a problem I was having, the therapist made some suggestions about what I did wrong which triggered some anxiety, but by the time we started talking about analyzing it the feeling was gone. Not really sure how to work with that either
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Jul 7, 2022 22:26
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Good luck 802.11weed I hope everything goes great for you. StashAugustine I had some similar issues when I was less confident in myself. I think it's something that naturally fades a little with age and accomplishment, that's why old guys in gyms are okay walking around with their balls out. It took some close friendships for me to get told the good things about myself and actually believe them though, so if your peer group isn't able to do that for you a group situation might be able to. Moving to a shithole could also help here, I am extremely confident in the tiny trash town I live in but when I visit cities like Los Angeles I still do feel very small. YMMV.
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Jul 8, 2022 01:45
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