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Josherino)
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Jorge Bell posted:StashAugustine I had some similar issues when I was less confident in myself. I think it's something that naturally fades a little with age and accomplishment, that's why old guys in gyms are okay walking around with their balls out. It took some close friendships for me to get told the good things about myself and actually believe them though, so if your peer group isn't able to do that for you a group situation might be able to. Moving to a shithole could also help here, I am extremely confident in the tiny trash town I live in but when I visit cities like Los Angeles I still do feel very small. YMMV.
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Jul 9, 2022 01:40
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| # ? May 24, 2024 05:32 |
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I finally got that prescription filled, I'm used to the potential for challenges in getting my ADHD medication but this was for an SSRI so the whole situation sucked in new and exciting ways.
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Jul 9, 2022 04:17
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Witeldram posted:But man do I want to move back to a big city someday. Living in a rural area can feel really isolating sometimes. Feeling this. If you're not into redneck hobbies, there's not much to do near me. Every conversation is about the weather, how much things cost, or some coded racist stuff. I feel like my brain is melting.
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Jul 9, 2022 11:18
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Thanks for the response, I do actually live in a mid sized university town in the Midwest- so theres at least some things going on. In theory I like the atmosphere, but yeah I just have trouble finding a peer group that I really fit into
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Jul 9, 2022 13:50
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StashAugustine posted:Thanks for the response, I do actually live in a mid sized university town in the Midwest- so theres at least some things going on. In theory I like the atmosphere, but yeah I just have trouble finding a peer group that I really fit into  There's a big university in the city nearest me. I'd actually love to take a night or weekend class there - I think that would be a good way to meet people. Just don't have time right now (lovely rural property needs constant maintenance), and covid is rearing its head again here. We're actually contemplating moving back into the city just to be around people again - rural life proved to be even lonelier than we thought it would be. I miss just biking around and going to the little art house cinema and stuff like that. Can you take a community class or something at the university near you?
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Jul 10, 2022 12:14
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I’ve lived in the same tiny rural town my entire life. Whenever I visit the Real City it blows my little mind. So many people, so many stores, a freakin’ bus that runs ALL day?? A subway?? Holy poo poo! I’ve been curious about moving there for a long time but literally everyone I know irl is like “living in the city loving sucks and is hell, you’d have to be insane to like it”. Anyway I don’t think I could find non public facing work. It would certainly be very cool to be around people who aren’t 80 years old and who don’t know me or my family , tho. I can count the number of people my age on one hand
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Jul 10, 2022 15:39
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802.11weed posted:I’ve lived in the same tiny rural town my entire life. Whenever I visit the Real City it blows my little mind. So many people, so many stores, a freakin’ bus that runs ALL day?? A subway?? Holy poo poo! I mean, the people who live in a small town after living in a city are almost all going to be people who prefer living in the country to living in the city. Despite being a person who lived in rural areas and then moved to a big city, I don't actually judge people much for it (a lot of people in the city go "what the gently caress is wrong with a person who'd voluntarily live in the country," but like IDK its loud). I can say that about NYC is that its loud, it smells like piss, and its crowded, so if those are dealbreakers for you thats a problem. It's expensive but like...so is everywhere nowadays, and wages are higher here than anywhere other than like Seattle. And most people only think about midtown Manhattan as NYC, its a lot less claustrophobic and smelly and busy even in like really built up areas (I'm in northern Brooklyn which is VERY dense for NYC, and like...I live on a quiet residential street that's all 3 or 4 story buildings, not like 50 story skyscrapers). I do live in NYC and have a non-public facing job. Most people I know have one, but I mean public facing work is an option. I've done it a lot, I just happen to be in a non public facing job at the moment. A lot of my friends are trans people who moved from the country to NYC, its a pretty common story and you'd certainly meet likeminded people, I can say that. But it's not the only city, I know other places that are good places for people fleeing their conservative rural histories.
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Jul 10, 2022 16:12
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I’m mostly talking about Montréal as that’s what’s closest to me. I don’t have poo poo for qualifications, so outside of manual labour idk what I could even do. I didn’t stick with college or the technical school I went to. I’m sure I’d get used to the noise, but I dunno about the crowds. It can get pretty noisy on my street (loving motorcycles, trucks, cars with loudness mods) but it never gets crowded. I’m staying in the country for at least another year anyway, I just signed a lease for a place I can afford. It’s going to be hard to find anything cheaper or comparable, especially considering that this town counts as a reservation for tax purposes. I’m really excited to be on my own. Some stuff is gonna suck cus I never learned but I’ll pull through. Really looking forward to completely loving up some recipes. Living in NYC would also be cool, but if I ever left canada it would be for an area without any snow. I don’t hate the cold but gently caress snow!! Shovelling is bullshit!!!
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Jul 10, 2022 17:41
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802.11weed posted:I’m mostly talking about Montréal as that’s what’s closest to me. I don’t have poo poo for qualifications, so outside of manual labour idk what I could even do. I didn’t stick with college or the technical school I went to. lol well I can say that I've never shoveled at all living in NYC, its just not my problem it's the city's. I know there's some cool goons in Montreal. I can't recommend a Canadian moving to the US, like it's basically the same country but with medical debt. If you haven't lived in a crowded area before then, well, I guess you should give it a shot and see if it bugs you? I'm not too bothered, but I know some people get crazy crazy anxious about it.
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Jul 10, 2022 18:00
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Karach posted:
lol it took me nine years to finish undergrad, im glad i did it in the end but i aint fuckin going back
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Jul 10, 2022 19:25
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Tulip posted:I mean, the people who live in a small town after living in a city are almost all going to be people who prefer living in the country to living in the city. Some of us had breakdowns forcing us to live with our parents again. I never wanted to loving come back here.  Small towns are better when you're trying to live on ~$250-$400 a month. No, I didn't forget to add a zero
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Jul 10, 2022 20:53
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I am finding that even in "small towns" (8k-30k people) the cost of housing is rising dramatically. When I moved out to my current 8k pop shithole I was looking for advertised places listed for less than $700/mo rent, but couldn't get into anything for less than $900 (the renters of the $700/mo place didn't accept 2 weeks of paystubs as proof of income from a job I got while living out of a hotel, gently caress landlords). Might as well go back to living just outside St. Louis for that money, at least you're near other poo poo that way.
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Jul 10, 2022 23:34
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I told my parents if I don't inherit their house I'm gonna die on the street, full stop.
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Jul 11, 2022 01:52
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Moving from the city to the countryside has been mixed for me, it was very rough at first but there are some things that I'm learning to appreciate about living in a rural area. I've been going out in nature more so I appreciate having a yard to garden in. I love that there are hiking spots close by too. I definitely prefer the city though and I do want to eventually move back to the city once I'm financially and mentally prepared to. It sucks having zero public transportation here and no one my age around me (I'm still in my early twenties).
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Jul 11, 2022 07:17
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Going for a walk in the woods is great, except maybe half the time it’s filled with assholes on motorbikes/quads/stupid little cars that just completely destroy the trails, scare all the birds away, make a shitload of noise, try to run you over the other half is so nice though! look @ this cutie I saw 
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Jul 11, 2022 14:10
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802.11weed posted:Going for a walk in the woods is great, except maybe half the time it’s filled with assholes on motorbikes/quads/stupid little cars that just completely destroy the trails, scare all the birds away, make a shitload of noise, try to run you over hell yeah on urban living, literally just ran across this quote by Claude Fisher (sociologist of urban life) that I figured I should share: quote:Most city dwellers lead sensible, circumscribed lives, rarely go downtown, hardly know areas of the city they neither live nor work in, and see (in any sociologically meaningful way) only a tiny fraction of the city’s population. Certainly, they may on occasion – during rush hours, football games, etc. – be in the presence of thousands of strangers, but that does not necessarily have any direct effect on their personal lives … urbanites live in small social worlds that touch but do not interpenetrate. Really though the difference is that the city smells like piss and the country smells like poo poo.
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Jul 11, 2022 22:27
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That squirrel pic is really adorable. One of my favorite parts of my afternoon run is just taking the time to appreciate the nature around you.Tulip posted:on urban living, literally just ran across this quote by Claude Fisher (sociologist of urban life) that I figured I should share: I agree with this a lot. Ever since I moved out of the city, I've reflected there and noticed that there are so many things I took for granted while I lived in Los Angeles. I wish I took the time more to really enjoy and explore the city when I lived there.
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Jul 11, 2022 23:58
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Living in a city makes every little excursion a lot more annoying/expensive/difficult but there are things worth doing. Smaller places just have less, but daily life is easier. I can see why people raise families further out.
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Jul 12, 2022 00:56
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802.11weed posted:Going for a walk in the woods is great, except maybe half the time it’s filled with assholes on motorbikes/quads/stupid little cars that just completely destroy the trails, scare all the birds away, make a shitload of noise, try to run you over Post just really stood out to me this evening. I miss the woods, and I'm happy to see someone enjoying it. If you happen to take another walk - would love to see what else you're able to capture out there.
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Jul 12, 2022 04:48
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Also - I'm alive. There's a lot to catch up on with everything that has been going on, and I know it's about time I do my own fair share of...sharing. Lifting everyone up here.
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Jul 12, 2022 04:49
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We have a nest box where wild barn owls raise their owlets. The current batch is all grown up. Holy poo poo, they are LOUD. They don't hoot, they make high-pitched screeching noises. All night, every night. I usually keep my window open at night, but I have to close it when they're out. We usually only see them at night, but one was taking shelter next to my car on the driveway in the morning. My sister nearly walked right into it, scaring them both   I wish I grabbed more pictures. It was doing its threat display, where it puffs itself up, extends its head forward, and moves its head in circles. I chased it off the road so it wouldn't get hurt. Nicowlas (as my mom named it) is still healthy and active. I've been hypomanic, and not sleeping particularly well. I cut out the coffee, and I switched to caffeine-free tea. I think I'm coming back down to earth again. The physical therapy is helping me physically and mentally. I was in charge of my sister over the weekend recently, and made her watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She loved it, and we re-watched the Camelot song while singing along. She's a huge fan of Spaceballs, so we watched that again, too. We get along incredibly well. She has special needs, and it can be hard to find stuff that we both enjoy. I'll be watching her again soon. Thinking about showing her The Life of Brian. I recently put Look on the Bright Side of Life in my regular spotify rotation. It makes me happy and sad at the same time. I finished watching Maria Bamford's Lady Dynamite, and found her depictions of hypomania all too relatable. Every idea becomes a good idea. Yesterday, I looked for the cheapest option I could find to get custom, permanent stickers. I found a place where I could buy custom, outdoor-quality, permanent vinyl stickers in bulk nice and cheap. In unrelated news, a bunch of local restrooms are about to become gender-neutral.  I was hoping to hand them out at Pride, but I didn't order early enough. I'm sure I'll find a use for them 
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Jul 12, 2022 16:49
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job hunting is still an ongoing thing. family has been helpful, but it's been the kind of helpful that borders on fuckin infuriating especially considering most of the help has been advice that was insulting before existence of the internet, now it's shorthand for "i have no loving idea how the job market works but obviously you're doing something wrong." yes, i know i have a car payment that is now past due. no, i don't know what i will be able to do about it. maybe reminding me about it every day and saying you've been worried for me will get me closer to a job-- the desperation isn't being made clear enough in my resume so let's have some arguments over it while we're at it. as if "i've been praying for you" hadn't historically been used as coded language around these parts for "your rear end needs divine intervention because anybody else woulda done it already" i've been avoiding social media more and more, mainly because the people i grew up with all have families (a couple of them have been talking about their kids' going to loving prom) and here i am: an angry loving dullard venting to an internet forum full of strangers about existing in the part of late-stage capitalism where the second rung of maslow's hierarchy is now seen as an unreasonable goal. sitting around the house all day by a phone that never rings hasn't been my ideal situation, either. but the prospect of getting driven like a loving pack mule across multiple jobs until i no longer capable of generating value for anyone hasn't been exactly inspirational. Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 19:19 on Jul 13, 2022 |
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Jul 13, 2022 19:04
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aaaand we just had another argument, but this time it was about the family starting a business. they haven't decided what the business will be about, but they want me to come up with a list of everything to consider for that business. i'm tempted just give them "1. figure out what you want the business to do."
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Jul 13, 2022 22:31
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:job hunting is still an ongoing thing. family has been helpful, but it's been the kind of helpful that borders on fuckin infuriating especially considering most of the help has been advice that was insulting before existence of the internet, now it's shorthand for "i have no loving idea how the job market works but obviously you're doing something wrong." This is almost exactly what I've been going through. The job search in itself is already dreadful, but combine that with a crappy family situation and you have a recipe for disaster.
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Jul 13, 2022 23:52
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Man I am feeling that poo poo. My career ended due to disability so at least I have a job counselor offering helpful advice like 'walk in to businesses by your house and ask if they're hiring' and 'you should make a LinkedIn account' and 'you should make an Instagram account'. Any helpful tips or motivation that actually works for anyone? One thing I picked up is making a list of my top three things to accomplish for the following day, usually a list of places to look for openings and send resumes. It helps. Not a lot but it's something. The saddest little endorphin rush from crossing things off a list.
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Jul 14, 2022 01:41
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:aaaand we just had another argument, but this time it was about the family starting a business. they haven't decided what the business will be about, but they want me to come up with a list of everything to consider for that business. I have similar stuff with my family, like the "you are mentally unwell if you can't do this thing everybody else is doing," even down to the "you should learn how to run a business, everybody is doing businesses" etc. Like, yeah, having to go through financial stress isn't exactly motivating enough to take action since small things can throw me into a tailspin and stress me out more, setting me back even further. I already feel desperate for security of any kind and the desperation you're emoting for me is unhelpful. There's nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you want to do next, but some "act now, think later" types do not understand that at all. I get where they're coming from; it can be useful to just do the thing you're thinking about doing without thinking about it very much, but not all brains are comfortable with that. In a lot of ways I am still learning how to recognize an idea when I have one, or own it, let alone act on whatever I am thinking, but doing just that can feel awfully, paralyzingly vulnerable. I don't think I'm alone in that. It's difficult to talk with family about stuff like "your plans," "your future," etc when the conversation only draws, like, ire, and (idk about you) you can't really care about the exploitative job market. I had to put the kibosh on the Job subject with everyone in my family, like straight up drawing the boundary and going "I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with you right now." But, idk, even that could go hit or miss.. kinda became more of an exercise of sticking to the boundary more than drawing it, and I wasn't exactly perfect at that all the time. Anyway I guess this post kinda became more about my own poo poo, but I feel you. Hope you keep the thread posted w updates
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Jul 14, 2022 03:15
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Flora Finching posted:Man I am feeling that poo poo. My career ended due to disability so at least I have a job counselor offering helpful advice like 'walk in to businesses by your house and ask if they're hiring' and 'you should make a LinkedIn account' and 'you should make an Instagram account'. Personally, it's been helpful for me to sign up on job alerts on sites like Idealist and Indeed. Ever since my job offer got rescinded two weeks ago, it's been really rough getting back into the job hunt but even just looking at these job alerts helps reassure me that I'm at least trying. I also do some volunteer work on the side and mentally it's helped a bit. Sure it's not paid but it helps keep me busy, otherwise I'd be moping in my bedroom all day depressed while playing video games. I've also been focusing some time on hobbies like gardening and working out.
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Jul 14, 2022 04:02
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Flora Finching posted:Man I am feeling that poo poo. My career ended due to disability so at least I have a job counselor offering helpful advice like 'walk in to businesses by your house and ask if they're hiring' and 'you should make a LinkedIn account' and 'you should make an Instagram account'. The thing I kept in mind is that, ca 2015, average of 200 job applications per offer made economy-wide. The other thing is that a large percentage (like, at least 50%) of what is on a job requirements is bullshit that's added to get the boss to leave the worker alone. Which all adds up to "quantity over quality." Which is a little heartbreaking sure but also like, I think it's good to be realistic about the odds going in, right? Cuz most people start getting exhausted and worn down after like 10 job applications, but I think that being emotionally uninvested helps you not feel as crushed when you don't hear back for like 30 applications in a row. Also saves you a lot of effort, since really you shouldn't spend more than a few minutes per job application. Just get it out and done!
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Jul 14, 2022 06:38
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Being informed about American politics is seriously the worst mental-health decision you could make The incompetence and corruption goes so loving deep and so loving high that I can actually kind of understand how people become rah-rah team-blue VBNMW types because it's the only way to loving deal with it
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Jul 15, 2022 16:04
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I gotta just take a fuckin grillpill
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Jul 15, 2022 16:05
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loquacius posted:Being informed about American politics is seriously the worst mental-health decision you could make I feel compelled to apologize to international posters who know jack poo poo about our system.
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Jul 15, 2022 17:01
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loquacius posted:Being informed about American politics is seriously the worst mental-health decision you could make best post in the thread
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Jul 15, 2022 18:25
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There's some folks from functional welfare democracies who keep being horrified as I describe and provide evidence for something new and terrible about america almost every day. I imagine for them its like watching a wildlife documentary set in hell as narrated by Dale Gribble.
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Jul 16, 2022 16:41
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Still trying to find a local therapist. I found a few who I liked on Psychology Today, and they haven't returned my calls/emails. I'm thinking the one who mentioned "validation" in their profile should remove that part. Also, a friend sent me a bunch of in-depth articles on the differences between bipolar and ADHD diagnoses. Apparently, one can mask the other. My diagnosis is bipolar, and I also seem to have the major symptoms of ADHD. I'm on bupropion with a mood stabilizer, which was the only combination that somewhat worked for me. I read in a few places that it's the one non-stimulant mix of drugs that can have some effect on this combo of diagnoses. I'm still going to talk to a doctor, and try not to diagnose myself. I would expect myself to be upset about something like that, but it's more of a relief. I dunno if I have ADHD, but it would fill in a lot of blanks. I've been looking at everything through the lens of anxiety, hypomania and depression. It would help me understand why I'm struggling to get my poo poo together, and maybe give me some more direction.
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Jul 18, 2022 17:31
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Been trying to journal at the advice of my therapist but finding it kinda hard to put into words what I'm feeling a lot of the time, especially on a more physical level. A lot of the time it feels more like vague unease and dread, which is kinda hard to describe or recall. I feel like its easier for me to gather this information in my head and think about it than write it down- maybe it seems a little easier here, perhaps because i feel like im writing to an audience? I have been feeling weird and down for the past few days but at least I figured out how to make decent dirty rice and free hand painted a pretty decent dragon of Wessex shield for a miniature so I've got that going at least
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Jul 20, 2022 21:09
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I just started journaling again. I got Diarium (lol) on the Windows store for 8 bucks: https://timopartl.com/. Looks like they have an iOS and Android version, too. I tried handwriting a journal, and my hand couldn't keep up with my brain. I used a word doc for a long time, and it just became a big mess that was impossible to navigate. We'll see about this one! I like being able to cloud sync, use it on different types of devices, drop pictures in, tag entries, and import my calendar/other stuff. Much more interesting to look at, too.  That's an action shot of our 3 baby owls all grown up.
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Jul 20, 2022 23:09
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hell of an owl you got there
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Jul 21, 2022 00:13
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StashAugustine posted:Been trying to journal at the advice of my therapist but finding it kinda hard to put into words what I'm feeling a lot of the time, especially on a more physical level. A lot of the time it feels more like vague unease and dread, which is kinda hard to describe or recall. I feel like its easier for me to gather this information in my head and think about it than write it down- maybe it seems a little easier here, perhaps because i feel like im writing to an audience? I have been feeling weird and down for the past few days but at least I figured out how to make decent dirty rice and free hand painted a pretty decent dragon of Wessex shield for a miniature so I've got that going at least ive found with journaling the point isn't to write anything coherent, the point is to just write your messy half formed thoughts down so your brain doesnt have to keep bringing them up
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Jul 24, 2022 16:03
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- hi
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when i hear a phrase like "usually when people with resumes this long apply here it's by mistake," i am choosing to interpret that as a dig against the company i am applying with than the person being interviewed. whether or not that passes a reasonable doubt, i'll leave to others. that hasn't stopped the mean voice in the back of my head. this time they're alternating between that one looney toons clip where the costello mouse calls the abbot mouse a jackass, and joe pesci from goodfellas: "ya stuttering prick." but it's five-hour shifts, 3-4 days a week, and i can pick up more. they said to let them know by friday. i know that i shouldn't live "for just today" but that's all about i can actively control-- and by some accounts i ain't even managing that. right now i am aiming for not having my car reposessed and/or a job that doesn't send me to a loving emergency room every 90 days. Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 21:48 on Jul 25, 2022 |
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Jul 25, 2022 21:45
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Still trying to find a local therapist. I found a few who I liked on Psychology Today, and they haven't returned my calls/emails. I'm thinking the one who mentioned "validation" in their profile should remove that part. super lovely. like you can just click a single button and it sets your profile to "not accepting new clients" if you're that busy. really hosed up imo. actually talked to a lawyer out of curiosity about it once. they said ya you can't not respond but it's not enforced so.... might also try https://openpathcollective.org/ max fee is 60 bucks and that is NOT indicative of skill or experience at all. some therapists like to keep a few slots in their schedule only for sliding scale/open path clients. so you'll find the same people on both psychtoday and openpath.
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Jul 26, 2022 06:43
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