r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Electric Wrigglies: Feb 6, 2015

Uncle Enzo posted:

The dude says outright he was in a bad place already, he got sold a very misogynistic viewpoint, then not one but two paternity tests came back negative. There's many examples in this thread of people completely blowing up their life based on hearsay, much less multiple independent genetic tests.

Paternity test dude is a living example of the benefits of keeping your cool.

and however he got there, the dude was right in that the kid was not his biologically (but obviously him and his wife are the mum and dad for that kid now).

# ? Jul 13, 2022 15:29

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:42

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for expecting my girlfriend to always share her food before it gets cold?

quote:

AITA for expecting my girlfriend to always share her food before it gets cold? (self.AmItheAsshole)

submitted 12 hours ago * by Worldly-Shine4068

I know this may seem like a dumb argument to ask about but I am genuinely curious if I am actually TA about this.

My girlfriend Mae (22 F) and I (22 M) have been dating for two years now. I just wanna start off by saying my girlfriend is very small and tends to not eat very big portions. I have rarely ever seen her complete a full meal by herself, maybe on one or two occasions out of the two years and thousands of meals we have had together. She isn't perse selfish with her food but she doesn't like to share with me all of the time. Which I just kind of find rather annoying considering she does not finish all of her food. For example, if we are out to eat usually I will reach my hand over and try to sample a bite while her food is hot and fresh because I want a taste. She will sometimes smack my hand away and tell me to wait. Then an argument always ensues because she thinks I should "give her the courtesy of at least trying to finish her meal before I touch it" which is annoying to me because I know she won't finish it and she knows I like my food scalding hot. I usually won't even eat it if it's room temperature.

The reason I'm asking if I'm TA here is that this weekend we went to a fair in our town and she got a basket of three fried Oreos and when she brought it over I took one and she got really upset saying "you know I wait for these all year round and I wanted to eat all of them!" which was probably a lie but she seemed kind of upset for the rest of the night about it. I'm pretty sure I'm not TA but I wanted to ask for strangers opinions so I can settle this debate with her once and for all. AITA?

Edit: Ok, reading all of these comments has made me realize that I'm not only an AH but I am the biggest AH in the world. Growing up I was VERY poor and was always taught to scarf my food down while it was good aka while it was hot. I guess that translated into me being an adult and is now wreaking havoc on the person I love most. I thought by eating her food and showing her it was enjoyable would help her recovery, and through comments from parents and friends who watched their loved ones live with anorexia, I was severely wrong. I don't even know how I am going to apologize to her but I am going to start by not taking her food and working on my issues. I'm going to take her to the fair and buy her all the fried Oreos she wants. Thank you all for making me realize just how lovely I was being. It's scary to even think that if I had not made what I thought was a silly post over a "small" debate I would've kept up my behavior without even knowing until it was too late.

Edit: I am not using growing up poor as an excuse, I am just recognizing where my problem comes from. I don't expect her to forgive me at all but I can only fix my problem if I know what and where the problem is.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 15:46

MK-Ultramarathon: Aug 12, 2009

Man I was going 1000% TA for that guy until the edits, but good on him for not only fully grasping that what he was doing was super lovely, but actually acknowledging that he has his own problems that he needs to work on. We barely ever get that level of maturity here.

Also amazed that apparently, Reddit was the one who... actually gave him good advice??

# ? Jul 13, 2022 15:55

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

Also amazed that apparently, Reddit was the one who... actually gave him good advice??

Hell, it was 50/50 he could have gotten some simian Shakespeare, so don't read too much into it

# ? Jul 13, 2022 15:56

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

Just lol'ing at the extreme understatement of "I realized my partner and I aren't seeing the relationship the same way" when OP wants to break up while partner has already set a date to propose. Like, is it common for people to get so far off the same page in a relationship? I know the answer is "yes", exhibit 1 being "this entire thread", but still.

No, but 'two year long distance relationship'.

I know people who's relationships have gone though stretches of long-distance and they've made it work, but if you've never actually lived together then that's not a relationship, you are just penpals who hook up when one of you happens to be in town.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 15:57

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for expecting my girlfriend to always share her food before it gets cold?

quote:
I like my food scalding hot. I usually won't even eat it if it's room temperature.

I bet this guy loves ravioli

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:19

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Alchenar posted:

No, but 'two year long distance relationship'.

I know people who's relationships have gone though stretches of long-distance and they've made it work, but if you've never actually lived together then that's not a relationship, you are just penpals who hook up when one of you happens to be in town.

It also seems like his whole family was trying to get her to be a live in maid for their shut in son.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:22

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

Man I was going 1000% TA for that guy until the edits, but good on him for not only fully grasping that what he was doing was super lovely, but actually acknowledging that he has his own problems that he needs to work on. We barely ever get that level of maturity here.

Also amazed that apparently, Reddit was the one who... actually gave him good advice??

Except that he never acknowledged the "I can have anything that's hers if I want to". Poverty doesn't give you that one.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:24

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

Just lol'ing at the extreme understatement of "I realized my partner and I aren't seeing the relationship the same way" when OP wants to break up while partner has already set a date to propose. Like, is it common for people to get so far off the same page in a relationship? I know the answer is "yes", exhibit 1 being "this entire thread", but still.

I mean, look at the divorce rate.

Kurieg posted:

It also seems like his whole family was trying to get her to be a live in maid for their shut in son.

That was probably a big part of it too, I bet they were egging him on and hoping he'd stop being their problem.

MK-Ultramarathon posted:

Man I was going 1000% TA for that guy until the edits, but good on him for not only fully grasping that what he was doing was super lovely, but actually acknowledging that he has his own problems that he needs to work on. We barely ever get that level of maturity here.

Also amazed that apparently, Reddit was the one who... actually gave him good advice??

I know, right? Also interesting the topic of food and boundaries related to it comes up again. I'm reminded of one post a while back about a serial office food thief getting confronted and having to be taught the whole concept of respecting boundaries when it comes to food since he was used to his family drat near stealing bites from each others' hands.

Food trauma of all kinds is way too common, often because of normalised bullying and boundary stomping, as well as poverty and deprivation. I think teenagers get a reputation for eating so much because it takes parents too long to realise their kids are growing and don't have kid-sized appetites anymore.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:36

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

The Maroon Hawk posted:

I bet this guy loves ravioli

And I bet people around him are all "Get a load of this guy eating ravioli"

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:50

Tenebrais: Sep 2, 2011

Kurieg posted:

It also seems like his whole family was trying to get her to be a live in maid for their shut in son.

I didn't get that impression myself - it's pretty normal for a family to be excited their child is getting engaged - but at the same time it would explain a lot about how they could have such different views on their relationship if the guy's family were pressuring him to propose.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 16:58

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Tenebrais posted:

I didn't get that impression myself - it's pretty normal for a family to be excited their child is getting engaged - but at the same time it would explain a lot about how they could have such different views on their relationship if the guy's family were pressuring him to propose.

OP says the family had their life planned for them for the next 50 years. That's not normal. That's not normal at all.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:00

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Tenebrais posted:

I didn't get that impression myself - it's pretty normal for a family to be excited their child is getting engaged - but at the same time it would explain a lot about how they could have such different views on their relationship if the guy's family were pressuring him to propose.

The mom called her to tell her to dress up and not wear heels because her son was going to propose to her in the garden that they had made up for the occasion.

That's a mother who's *way* more involved in the idea of marriage than the son is.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:01

Sinbad's Sex Tape: Mar 21, 2004; Stuck in a giant clam

TIFU by leaving a massive order alone with my now ex and her 14 friends

quote:

I'm sorry I just need somewhere to vent as literally everyone is saying I'm a d*** for kicking my pregnant ex out over this. To clarify this is not the first time she's done this but this time it cost me over $1000. Also, I'm sorry if this was choppy I'm seeing red right now.

So recently I got 2 massive orders for pastries for 2 weddings and a few other parties, I had spent 1 week working with my team on the orders as it was 75-100 per item. Well, we finished yesterday and I and the team decided to go to the movies and just relax... big mistake. My now ex had a party planned... without asking me... in the home, I pay for while she just sits on her butt doing nothing. She's never had a job she just waits for everyone to hand her what she needs.

We recently found out she's pregnant a month and a half ago, but she's been using it as an excuse. At first, it was just 1 or 2 of them but it gradually became more. 1 to 2 to 15- 20. which wasn't an inconvenience as it was only one more batch, and I was fine with that.

However, yesterday was the last straw when I went out she threw a party with 14 of her friends and they got hungry, so they made their way down to the shop and went through nearly everything my team made. (My dad owns the bakery it's not too far down from our house, so it wasn't that hard for her to get in.) Well, when we came back we found my ex and 14 of her friends wasted on nearly $1000 of pastries. I nearly lost my s*** and started screaming at her asking wtf was she doing and why she thought this was okay.

She blamed this on pregnancy cravings and tried to say that she wanted the baby to eat well, but when I asked about her friends she said they also had cravings. I kicked her out and had to call and explain everything to both parties. Full refund for both of them as there was barely anything that could be salvaged.

TL;DR I left products alone while I went to watch a movie and came back to my ex and 14 friends completely wasted on over $1000 of it.

UPDATE: She ended up calling me on her parent's phone around 7-8 am screaming at me for posting our private lives for everyone to see. She then proceeded to ask me through crocodile tears if I would press charges on her and her friends for "having fun". I replied yes and as I was about to hang up she brought up the child, as to which I told her to get a paternity test or not it will not be my problem. She then starts trying to manipulate and gaslight me crying saying "it was just her being hospitable to her friends and that it was rude of me to yell at them and kick them out" she then proceeds to cry about me not caring about her and I just hung up and blocked her.

As of right now, I'm fixing to leave for the PD and I hope you do come, Maddie with the evidence I have you'll be arrested on the spot... Also, I've seen this in the comments a lot so to clarify

1: wasted on sweets, not alcohol, and 2: yes I did use a condom every time however a few of them broke I assumed nothing of it as she was on birth control... I feel like this was just planned or she was sleeping around either way I'm still going through with charges. there are too many comments to go through but these were the questions I saw the most. Also thank you for the support... It means a lot

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:12

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Sinbad's Sex Tape posted:

TIFU by leaving a massive order alone with my now ex and her 14 friends

I'm kind of confused. They left the baked goods in a closed down store. I don't think it's hosed up not to just assume your girlfriend is going to grab 14 wild bears to go and hoover up the baked goods.

The actual gently caress-up is staying with someone this useless long enough to get them accidentally on purpose pregnant.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:20

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Yeah I'm really curious how the ex and friends had access to the bakery. Did the OP give her a copy of the key in the past for some reason? Did they steal a key from the house? Do they just not lock the door?

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:22

The_Franz: Aug 8, 2003

$1000 of pastries is a lot of food. Even with 14 people, they really pigged out.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:29

Elissimpark: May 20, 2010; Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

Maybe she's friends with Party Sub Guy.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:34

Tenebrais: Sep 2, 2011

Absurd Alhazred posted:

OP says the family had their life planned for them for the next 50 years. That's not normal. That's not normal at all.

Ah, fair, I had missed that line.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:36

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

"Do you want the baby to starve?" I say as me and my fourteen friends break into your place of business and eat an entire wedding's worth of pastries.

In other food news.
AITA for quitting as a bridesmaid because of the request the bride made?

quote:

I f21 have a childhood friend named Natalie (22). Her family and mine know each other well (we were neighbors and have been in co tact for years attending events and going trips together). She's getting married soon and she's picked me to be one of her bridesmaid. I agreed because I felt honored to be included as I've never been a bridesmaid before.

Anyway, the issues started arising, she kept making strange requests and I went along with them. Then she brought up my weight (or lack thereof) and asked if I could gain weight before the wedding. For context, I'm under weight due to eating disorder (I'm 43 kg.) I struggled with body image and stiff and now I've come to terms with how I look and have turned this negative thing into something that empowers me to live my life how I want. I turned her down but she went on to rant about how odd it'll be for me to "look like that" and insisted i cinsider it. I was willing to let this go if she dropped it but she doubled down and sent me a "diet" to get me to gain weight. This triggered me as I've been forced before to eat more/less and I didn't feel comfortable anymore. I returned the list and said no. She got upset and said I need to this or won't be a bridesmaid anymore. I said "fine I'm no longer a bridesmaid then". She went nuts begging and pleading and sending family to tell me to do what she says and go with the flow cause she has no one else to replace me and that "she picked me for a reason".

I'm falling under pressure and feel guilty for her to be in this position. I asked my boyfriend and he said "of course she picked you for a reason, and thats cause you have a hard time saying no". But he could be biased since he dislikes my family and keeps telling me to limit contact with them.

AITA for this?

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:40

Nae: Sep 3, 2020; what.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

OP says the family had their life planned for them for the next 50 years. That's not normal. That's not normal at all.

Especially not in 2022. Does he know something about the future the rest of us don't?

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:41

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Nae posted:

Especially not in 2022. Does he know something about the future the rest of us don't?

He�s rich enough that the family gave him a slot and +1 in their New Zealand doom bunker

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:44

Enos Cabell: Nov 3, 2004

Absurd Alhazred posted:

OP says the family had their life planned for them for the next 50 years. That's not normal. That's not normal at all.

Pretty sure the "they" usage in that section was referring to just the partner they were talking to via video chat, not the family. They are still definitely incompatible, but planning out your life with your partner isn't weird at all.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:44

DaysBefore: Jan 24, 2019

Kurieg posted:

"Do you want the baby to starve?" I say as me and my fourteen friends break into your place of business and eat an entire wedding's worth of pastries.

In other food news.
AITA for quitting as a bridesmaid because of the request the bride made?

Lmao wait the bride is getting OP's family to take her side and harass OP for having an eating disorder? Holy poo poo

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:45

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Kurieg posted:

"Do you want the baby to starve?" I say as me and my fourteen friends break into your place of business and eat an entire wedding's worth of pastries.

The ex:

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:45

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Nae posted:

Especially not in 2022. Does he know something about the future the rest of us don't?

Joke's on her, the family built a bunker under the garden with 50 years of supplies.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:46

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

Enos Cabell posted:

Pretty sure the "they" usage in that section was referring to just the partner they were talking to via video chat, not the family. They are still definitely incompatible, but planning out your life with your partner isn't weird at all.

With your partner, She was not involved in the process at all. She was told he was proposing and told what to wear.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:46

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Enos Cabell posted:

Pretty sure the "they" usage in that section was referring to just the partner they were talking to via video chat, not the family. They are still definitely incompatible, but planning out your life with your partner isn't weird at all.

The presumable fiance took the wrong meaning of "with" here, in that case.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:47

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

nm, misread.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:48

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

AITA for not participating in my friend's multicultural wedding?

quote:

One of my bf's best friends is getting married and asked him to serve as a groomsman. I know the couple, but not super well.

The bride is artsy & a photographer and has specific ideas about the aesthetics she wants for her wedding, especially how she wants it photographed/documented and a big thing for her is highlighting the diversity. She's Spanish/Argentinian and the groom is Filipino, so they're both wearing traditional wedding clothes from their cultures. She reached out to everyone who has an immigrant background and asked us to dress in the traditional clothes of our cultures.

So I'm half-German, half-Korean, born and raised in the U.S. I have both a dirndl and a han-bok. I told her I'd be happy to wear my han-bok as I think (personally) that the dirndl looks kinda hokey. I sent her a photo of my han-bok and she said it was great.

So fast forward a month and she emails me saying that a lot of her friends are going to be wearing Korean clothes and she asked if I would wear my dirndl instead. I agreed, though I warned her that it was a lot more rustic-looking than what she might have in mind for her classy wedding. Big surprise, she agreed, then asked if I could wear an alternative Asian outfit like a qipao-style dress instead.

I barely know anyone on the guest list, but when she said a lot of people would be wearing Korean clothes I got curious and asked her who else was wearing a han-bok. She said that she and some friends from college went to Korea to teach English for a semester and that those friends will be wearing them. My bf who is starting to get annoyed too asks the groom, who confirms that the guests wearing the Korean clothes are white.

I don't think white people wearing other cultures' clothes is an inherently bad or racist, but I feel annoyed. Wasn't the point supposed to be to highlight the diversity in their friend circle? And why is she asking people to wear clothes that aren't even connected to their culture?

I don't want to be difficult but I also don't feel right wearing a qipao. I'm not Chinese, let alone Manchu, so when she emailed me again about choosing a dress, I told her that anything but me in a hanbok would be misappropriation and that I'd be happier just wearing "regular" western style clothes if that was okay with her.

That's when she lost it. She wrote a long raving email. A few highlights: I'm only "HALF" so how dare I speak for Korea or Koreans, I LOOK more German anyway, how I DARE I accuse her of racism/misappropriation; a qipao is regularly worn by everyone/anyone so me thinking it's offensive is outdated and dumb; it's HER wedding and that I and my boyfriend should stick to her "rules" or he would not be allowed to be a groomsman anymore.

In light of this, I just don't feel comfortable wearing anything but "regular" wedding clothes. AITA?

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:54

andyjames: Jun 11, 2022

Dog Children ;live in a backwards world these days.

Leashes aren't fun. I'm ready to run. It's time to shoot my light machine gun.

Why are you trying to control and direct what already has their mind made up?

it's a subtle plant to mix your strut.

Let me run. Watch me go. I lead the way with a fiery blow. My body is purified. My mind is clear. No longer do I possess the fear.

Relationships are about following the leader

My father up high is my guider.

i go when it's time.

there is no structure but it's always there.

Do you dare date the man who follows his creator?

A pocket of lips.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:57

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Kurieg posted:

AITA for not participating in my friend's multicultural wedding?

Performative diversity, the wedding.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 17:57

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

The_Franz posted:

$1000 of pastries is a lot of food. Even with 14 people, they really pigged out.

This is what happens when you don't have a ready way to deal with 15-30 feral hogs that run into your bakery within 3-5 mins while your small kids play.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:01

captainOrbital: Jan 23, 2003; Wrathchild!
💢🧒

Kurieg posted:

AITA for not participating in my friend's multicultural wedding?

She should post the email in full

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:06

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

captainOrbital posted:

She should post the email in full

Yeah. And send it to all the other prospective attendees.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:13

Wii Spawn Camper: Nov 25, 2005

captainOrbital posted:

She should post the email in full

She should send a long reply in Korean.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:23

MK-Ultramarathon: Aug 12, 2009

I desperately want to see the email, because the bride seems to have a mental quota for how many nationalities need to be represented. Does she just have like a checklist she made from Googling "wedding clothes every culture"?

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:23

DaysBefore: Jan 24, 2019

Never knew those Bavarian dresses were called drindl's so that's neat. Anyway, show up to the racist wedding in lederhosen and yodel through the whole ceremony.

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:25

captainOrbital: Jan 23, 2003; Wrathchild!
💢🧒

DaysBefore posted:

Never knew those Bavarian dresses were called drindl's so that's neat.

SOMEone doesn't collect puffalumps

Show up in a dirndl "Oh, are you German?"
"Yes, German and Korean, but I was told too many people were wearing traditional Korean clothing so I wasn't allowed"
"Oh, do they have many Korean friends?"
"no"

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:33

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# ? May 30, 2024 22:42

SyNack Sassimov: May 4, 2006; Can't post for 6 hours!

DaysBefore posted:

Never knew those Bavarian dresses were called drindl's so that's neat. Anyway, show up to the racist wedding in lederhosen and together with the Japanese person annex all the other people.

too soon?

edit: if the French person establishes a Maginot Conga Line, just go around it

SyNack Sassimov fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Jul 13, 2022

# ? Jul 13, 2022 18:34

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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