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Josherino)
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Thanks! I'll check them out. I also tried zocdoc.com, which seems to have a useful interface. It tells you what timeslots are available for the provider. Three providers take my insurance, and they're all the same person(?) Also getting other poo poo together. Finally saw an optometrist after 10 years of not seeing one. Finishing undergrad meant losing that insurance and my entire network. I'm finally putting it back together. I'm reconnecting with some peer friends. It's hard to maintain friendships when people are in and out of crises. Still running the zoom support group. We have some regulars, and new people show up. I get very positive feedback about it. Our unpaid NAMI intern is finishing up and moving way the gently caress away from this place. I'm no economist, but I suspect that if she had been paid for the past few months of work, she might not have had that brief stint with homelessness. Gonna miss her, but I'm happy that she managed to get out of here. Our intern started up Peer to Peer classes, after I dropped the ball two years ago. We have newly trained people who seem empathetic and capable. The board is still awful. I'm minimizing my contact with them, and won't allow them to make any more demands of peers. I attended one of our monthly meetings, where we invite speakers to talk about mental health. Fuuuuuck. We had CBAT therapists. The tactical "therapists" that someone posted about a while ago. They pair up with cops who respond to/create emergencies. I had to leave my camera and mic off. They talked about the things you read in the news, and how they're not all the same. I thought they were talking about cops, but they were talking about peers. They talked about stigma. I thought they were talking about peers, but they were talking about the stigma against cops  They were sure to chide the family members who get anxious about their innocent loved one being handcuffed. Apparently, that makes things worse! Also, they used the obligatory "consumer" label to describe us. I stuck it out because our intern was speaking at the end of the meeting.I worry about my financial state, but then I remember the wise words from someone who runs a local clinic: "Can you really put a price on mental health?" As a reward for reading this post, or at least this last sentence, have a picture of the Pride Pig: 
Uganda Loves Me has issued a correction as of 17:18 on Jul 26, 2022 |
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Jul 26, 2022 17:15
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Ocean Book posted:ive found with journaling the point isn't to write anything coherent, the point is to just write your messy half formed thoughts down so your brain doesnt have to keep bringing them up Whenever I journal I end up feeling like "Why am I writing this, who is this for? It seems so self-indulgent" and "If I write this down it's going to be found and read" and it enough to get me to stop usually. Only the latter thought has a foundation in reality.
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Jul 26, 2022 20:06
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i write cause if i keep all these loving thoughts and feelings in my head all the time i cant function. sometimes i just toss the paper later anyway. it's like, "here u go piece of paper, now you're crazy, sorry lmao better luck next time"
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Jul 26, 2022 21:55
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skooma512 posted:Whenever I journal I end up feeling like "Why am I writing this, who is this for? It seems so self-indulgent" and "If I write this down it's going to be found and read" and it enough to get me to stop usually. Only the latter thought has a foundation in reality. have you tried to spin up a web forum on your computer and post threads about your life only you and your growing collection of forum bots will read? you could have them quote random parts of your post and respond “lmao”
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Jul 27, 2022 00:59
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skooma512 posted:Whenever I journal I end up feeling like "Why am I writing this, who is this for? It seems so self-indulgent" and "If I write this down it's going to be found and read" and it enough to get me to stop usually. Only the latter thought has a foundation in reality. Does it feel like there is a stereotype of a "journaler" floating around in your head when you think of writing stuff down? I had a hard time starting for the first reason you gave- I just didn't feel like my personality matched the obnoxious narcissist I imagined writing about themselves. As it turns out, these people don't exist! I haven't met someone who journals who fits what I imagined the stereotypical journaler to be
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Jul 27, 2022 08:23
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Journaling? Heh. How vain. Instead of doing that I'm going to sit alone in a dark room and cry masturbate for a year. That's much less self indulgent.
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Jul 27, 2022 08:47
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I had a first time telehealth appointment with a random therapist assigned by my insurance. I figured I'd try to get something for free before trying openpath. It helps to talk it over with my peer friends. It went OK. We'll see.
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Jul 27, 2022 19:03
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Ah yes, paperwork that was possible to complete on the 22nd was late on the 21st and can no longer be completed, because I didn't get the necessary paperwork from elsewhere in time. Hi, no medications. Fun times ahead.
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Jul 27, 2022 21:07
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Same poo poo, different day. Almost like the healthcare system isn't designed to help people. 
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Jul 27, 2022 22:21
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thehandtruck posted:i write cause if i keep all these loving thoughts and feelings in my head all the time i cant function. sometimes i just toss the paper later anyway. it's like, "here u go piece of paper, now you're crazy, sorry lmao better luck next time" fuckin same. it's also a bit of a mindfulness practice as well-- sometimes i have to slow down and get a good look at what's running around in circles in my head, and trying to put it into words is a good way to rope it in.
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Jul 28, 2022 00:08
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mawarannahr posted:have you tried to spin up a web forum on your computer and post threads about your life only you and your growing collection of forum bots will read? you could have them quote random parts of your post and respond “lmao”  I do use forums and reddit to pretty much journal, true. Although even then I'm applying a filter, because I doubt "hey I have an intrusive thought pattern revolving around a high school crush and have for 17 years and can't stop" will go over very well usually. Speaking of, that's actually going pretty well I've been getting more of a handle on it since I found literature and communities around the concept of "limerence", and it turns out that's also an ADHD symptom. Watching The Crappy Childhood Fairy on youtube and the relateds also helps, if only because it helps lift and shift the concept of "this is real love I'm feeling" to "no actually this is a trauma response and coping mechanism that got stuck in there". NeatHeteroDude posted:Does it feel like there is a stereotype of a "journaler" floating around in your head when you think of writing stuff down? I had a hard time starting for the first reason you gave- I just didn't feel like my personality matched the obnoxious narcissist I imagined writing about themselves. As it turns out, these people don't exist! I haven't met someone who journals who fits what I imagined the stereotypical journaler to be True. Jorge Bell posted:Journaling? Heh. How vain. Instead of doing that I'm going to sit alone in a dark room and cry masturbate for a year. That's much less self indulgent. Harsh but lol, true.
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Jul 28, 2022 00:26
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I just watched the Crappy Childhood Fairy for the first time today, weird coincidence. Her free course has a little journaling recommendation and after you write it you can shred it. Having a lifetime of "hide your weaknesses or they'll be used against you" makes me not want any private thoughts lying around for anyone to pick up. It has kept me from writing even though I know it helps.
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Jul 28, 2022 01:17
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I've been thinking about changing how I journal tbh. I typically just log how my day is going on Daylio, it's basically an app where you track your moods and activities. It's effective in that it helps me detect what time of days I feel worst and which activities are best for my mental health, but I've wondered if it's self-defeating whenever I label a day as "bad" as it sometimes causes me to ruminate more on my thoughts. I will say though that venting on the Internet kinda works, if that counts as journalling lol.
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Jul 28, 2022 01:46
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life works on dark souls rules: if you get stuck then just get some sleep and complain about it on the internet
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Jul 28, 2022 01:48
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Witeldram posted:I've been thinking about changing how I journal tbh. I typically just log how my day is going on Daylio, it's basically an app where you track your moods and activities. It's effective in that it helps me detect what time of days I feel worst and which activities are best for my mental health, but I've wondered if it's self-defeating whenever I label a day as "bad" as it sometimes causes me to ruminate more on my thoughts. for some people journaling with so much intention is its own stressor. and if they're doing mood-logging (very different from journaling) there comes a point where you have all the info you're gonna get. at that point, if their ready, it's time to dig into the meat of those patterns in psychotherapy. and yeah, ruminating, obsessing, perseverating on thoughts/feelings is very different from reflecting and processing. so if that's happening then yeah that doesn't sound fun or helpful. also theres a big difference between the way the brain works when writing something out by hand vs typing something into a screen.
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Jul 28, 2022 02:07
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thehandtruck posted:here u go piece of paper, now you're crazy, sorry lmao better luck next time"
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Jul 28, 2022 02:11
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StashAugustine posted:life works on dark souls rules: if you get stuck then just get some sleep and complain about it on the internet Also you get shot by a random skeleton just walking down the street.
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Jul 29, 2022 03:13
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thehandtruck posted:i write cause if i keep all these loving thoughts and feelings in my head all the time i cant function. sometimes i just toss the paper later anyway. it's like, "here u go piece of paper, now you're crazy, sorry lmao better luck next time" I like that system! I may use it myself! 
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Jul 29, 2022 04:17
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thehandtruck posted:i write cause if i keep all these loving thoughts and feelings in my head all the time i cant function. sometimes i just toss the paper later anyway. it's like, "here u go piece of paper, now you're crazy, sorry lmao better luck next time"
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Jul 29, 2022 04:34
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A medical patent expiring, allowing the medicine to go generic, should make the price go down, because there are now competing vendors each creating the same product, right? Not so, for some reason. Viibyrd was $7 last month. Generic vilazodone is now $70. Thankfully, I'm in a much safer financial situation than I was years back, so this is just "unpleasant" rather than "no groceries this week", but still, a 900% increase in price? So now, I have to ask my prescriber for a DAW and hope that getting the name brand stuff is less expensive. For reasons unbeknownst to me, I can't price check this beforehand. gently caress the insurance companies, and their price gouging.
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Jul 29, 2022 19:20
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Toph Bei Fong posted:A medical patent expiring, allowing the medicine to go generic, should make the price go down, because there are now competing vendors each creating the same product, right? Have you tried free discount plans like GoodRX or even going to a different pharmacy nearby? Both of those things have saved me so much money. My one medicine was $72 at CVS but $9 at my grocery store pharmacy, it makes no sense.
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Jul 29, 2022 19:56
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Ronwayne posted:Oh hey loving cool. APPEAL DENIED.  Social security is adamant about making specifics about cases a black box you cannot peer into, but from what I could get the rando apparatchik to tell me my case was denied the very loving day it came back from medical review. loving christ. Now time to appeal for a hearing, which will probably fail like the FIRST loving case. Three years+ and running! This is bleak.
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Jul 30, 2022 05:06
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Ronwayne posted:APPEAL DENIED. That's bad news, but I believe you will get there ronwayne!
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Jul 31, 2022 06:49
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I've been feeling extra awful the last few weeks but my new PCP thinks that this whole time instead of just anxiety and depression that I probably have adhd as the base cause. I'm having a two hour appointment with an expert on Wednesday that I really hope sheds some light on it. I was wondering if anyone here has gotten an adhd diagnosis in their 30s (i'm 35) who could tell me how it went when they started medication. I've tried SSRIs for years and they never work longer than a few months so it'd really help if I heard some good success stories. The more I read about adhd the more my entire life makes sense and the idea that it could finally be helped has really been getting me through my day.
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Aug 1, 2022 00:02
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Maed posted:I was wondering if anyone here has gotten an adhd diagnosis in their 30s I was “diagnosed” (just a short quiz by my psychiatrist) last year at 30 years old. I’m a huge mess in a bunch of different ways but I really related to stories about living with ADHD. I’ve tried a few different meds, no stimulants yet, and they’ve had some effect. Nothing mind blowing, unlike what I’ve heard about stims. Have you checked out the ADHD thread in e/n? It’s a good resource. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3885798 —————— I spent some time with friends last night. Had alcohol for the first time in months, which was a mistake. I had a great time, but I really dislike needing booze to relax socially. Stupid crutch. I’m so nervous around people, even when I know them well and trust them. Naturally, I had too much to drink and spent today hungover. Just a constant reminder that I have no self control, that I need that crap to act normal around people. Bleh. At least their cat went fuckin’ nuts for the catnip toy I brought, very cute
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Aug 1, 2022 04:58
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Lots of people use alcohol as a way to feel comfortable in groups. While it's not super healthy, it doesn't mean you're broken!
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Aug 1, 2022 05:55
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802.11weed posted:Have you checked out the ADHD thread in e/n? It’s a good resource. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3885798 Oh wow. Still waiting to see a professional to evaluate whether or not I have ADHD, but the coping mechanisms in that thread are essentially things I have to do in order to function. I'm apparently on the one non-stimulant medication cocktail that has some effect on co-occurring Bipolar and ADHD (Wellbutrin and a mood stabilizer). That's the product of years of trying different combinations of meds. I mentioned this not too long ago, but I read that bipolar disorder can mask ADHD and vice-versa. Here's the article: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misdiagnosis-monday/adhd-vs-bipolar I'm using Psychology Today to find a full-on, real-deal psychiatrist who takes my insurance. Let's see if anyone responds. I'll stick with my NP for now. I do not want a lapse in treatment or medication. I joined https://openpathcollective.org/ as recommended by thehandtruck. I sent out an email to a therapist who looked like a great fit. I'm going to keep seeing my rando therapist who the insurance company assigned in the meantime. She's liberal and some of the things she said bother me, but I think it's helpful in the short term to be poked and prodded into getting more poo poo done. Our briefly homeless NAMI intern scored a decent job in the city she's moving to. My NAMI chapter is offering her an insultingly low stipend imho. It's the amount they pay people who teach 20 hours worth of classes. She put in 400 hours, and scored us a $5,000 grant in the process. I tossed some money in, and am in the process of guilting the board into giving up their yearly dinner outing in favor of increasing the stipend. I'm hoping it'll be at least double the initial amount. Still a tiny fraction of minimum wage, but... 
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Aug 1, 2022 17:53
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References are easily my least favorite part of job applications. Such a waste of time and it always gives me unnecessary anxiety.
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Aug 1, 2022 19:20
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Witeldram posted:References are easily my least favorite part of job applications. Such a waste of time and it always gives me unnecessary anxiety. If you have close friends that know what's up, have you tried listing them as colleagues and having them as a reference? Many of my friends work in a different field, but they've also contributed a lot to the work I do in mine!
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Aug 2, 2022 05:22
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Journaling seems pretty nice so far! Not been consistent with doing it but doing it when I'm upset seemed to help compared to just letting myself poo poo all over myself.
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Aug 2, 2022 20:01
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I...think I need to log off for a bit. Absolute minimum from Twitter, possibly from other sources as well. I want to be a good person, and I know that anybody who is even mildly versed in sophistry can make any action sound evil, and I know that people are just bored and playing a game when they talk about how feeding people is actually no morally better than bombing a village, but it still gets under my skin and I feel bad that I am not capable of dedicating 25 hours a day to perfectly selfless actions. As if there is such a thing as perfectly selfless action. It doesn't even actually motivate me to take more action, I end up taking energy that I could use helping people and putting it into self-flagellation.
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Aug 2, 2022 20:17
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Welp, here I am again, in too much pain to move. ... this doesn't feel like much either, been here a billion times. I mean, I get it. I'm disabled and poor. I get nothing and everyone accepts that as an unfortunate fact of life. I'm, at best, "someone else's problem". I connect with nobody, don't really mean anything to anybody, and whatever I do bears no consequence whatsoever because my disability (and the recurring pain) is worse than any punishment you could come up with. This sucks, though. It really does.
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Aug 2, 2022 21:45
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What would I be doing if I wasn't in pain? Oh, right, the username. I haven't done anything in well over a decade. Other people live their lives. I just slowly keep dying, everything in my life being variations of "wasting time on the internet", and that's got a lot nazi-flavored for someone immunocompromised lately.
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Aug 2, 2022 21:53
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I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Every person with half a brain can tell the world is going to poo poo and yet my family seems convinced everything is fine (except my mom who every so often becomes scared of nuclear war she is constantly screaming about how Ukraine should surrender and we should give Putin whatever he wants and then goes right back to pushing me to buy a house right next to the riverside). If things won't get better what is the point? I don't want to farm. People hate my values as it is. My brother accused me of being a communist just because I thought preachers shouldn't display wealth. And this came out of left field. Empathy is dying, I am becoming more and more useless. I just want it to stop.
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Aug 2, 2022 23:19
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went searching for a counsellor. i haven't been able to go to one since i left tennessee because i usually didn't have the time, the money for the copay, or any of the numerous other poorly-handled aspects of life occupying all my mental bandwidth at the time. nearest facility that pretends to give a gently caress about poor people is an hour and a half away by the quickest route, and that's even if they agree to see me after submitting every scrap of paper they require in order to pass the means test proving that, yes, i really cannot afford it and the only other professional body who would otherwise be interested in people in circumstances similar to mine would be the police (and even then they're only interested in practicing chokeholds everybody assured us were already illegal). this poo poo sucks and it sucks entirely by design.
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Aug 2, 2022 23:20
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None of you guys are wrong about poo poo being hosed up but I try to keep an eye on the things I enjoy, like jacking off and playing video games.
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Aug 3, 2022 08:19
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everything was going fine, new job, apartment hunting, reaching out to new people. and then my loving sister tries to reach out to me after years of radio silence and it's all I can do to not collapse entirely into a depression cycle starting to think i might not have a healthy family dynamic
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Aug 3, 2022 15:29
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I was dejected and gave up on Indeed/LinkedIn years ago. I did my master's program without any internships, which was not a great idea. Now I have a few years of experience doing all kinds of stuff at NAMI, so I put that up on my profiles. I'm actually getting contacted by recruiters, and I only updated it a few days ago. I know that's a far cry from being actually fully employed, but it feels a bit like all the bullshit I went through may actually lead to more than just grief. I live in a relatively expensive area, and the job opportunities in my immediate area are almost nonexistent. Moving away would require a job with somewhat decent pay, and that might actually be attainable. It's looking very likely that I have ADHD, and I talk to my psych NP next week about it. I've been reading about others' experiences with it, and it's all relatable. It gives me some actual hope that I might figure out what's going on and be able to work on it. Holy poo poo does it feel like I stalled out on recovering from bipolar disorder. This might be what I needed.
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Aug 3, 2022 19:19
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tokin opposition posted:everything was going fine, new job, apartment hunting, reaching out to new people. Seems like a safe thing to say. Uganda Loves Me posted:I live in a relatively expensive area, and the job opportunities in my immediate area are almost nonexistent. Moving away would require a job with somewhat decent pay, and that might actually be attainable. Nice. I've moved several times to follow jobs, hell basically the main reason I've moved in the past. I can't imagine the stress of moving somewhere without a job. 802.11weed posted:I spent some time with friends last night. Had alcohol for the first time in months, which was a mistake. I had a great time, but I really dislike needing booze to relax socially. Stupid crutch. I’m so nervous around people, even when I know them well and trust them. Naturally, I had too much to drink and spent today hungover. Just a constant reminder that I have no self control, that I need that crap to act normal around people. Bleh. Is this a 'drink too much in general' or a 'get anxious and overmedicate' thing. Both are bad - at the very least you don't like it - but how you treat those is different. Would you feel comfortable saying to some friends as part of setting up a hangout "no booze please"?
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Aug 3, 2022 19:31
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Jorge Bell posted:None of you guys are wrong about poo poo being hosed up but I try to keep an eye on the things I enjoy, like jacking off and playing video games. okay, and? what's your plan for those times when jacking off and playing video games isn't enough of a distraction? are you so troubled by the plights of other people that you would rather they not use the mental health thread and otherwise disturb your posting experience?
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Aug 3, 2022 20:01
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