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Josherino)
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I finally just quit my Prozac cold turkey. I was on a low dose (20mg) and my psychiatric NP had the great idea of tapering down by taking it every other day. I was experiencing fresh withdrawal symptoms every other day. On the other days, the serotonin was spiking upward. What a confusing mess. I messaged my NP, and said we should have tapered down by reducing the dose, rather than skipping days. They gave me a 10mg prescription, but I haven't touched it. The dose was low enough, and I rode out the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. Last night, I was attending a NAMI meeting via zoom, and I nearly fell asleep. It was amazing. I can't remember the last time I felt like I could just fall asleep like that. The hamster in my head is all tuckered out, and he took a break from the wheel.
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Aug 18, 2022 15:28
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Ronwayne posted:I need to get out and socialize but no idea where to start. Being a big gruesome white dude in a border town looking for new social groups to join radiates powerful cop energy Birria quesadillas/tacos are the hot poo poo on this side of the border right now if there's a good taco truck near you and you want to show up in a an easy way for starters. Bonus, support local business!
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Aug 18, 2022 16:41
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Waffle House posted:Awh, poo poo man. I'm sorry. Are you in a new town, or just trying to find new company? That can be discouraging as gently caress when you're still trying to feel out the ground around you in a new social circle. Don't fall for those constant and honestly completely normal insecurity pitfalls during the uncertainty period; it can be hard to remember the truth that people are all jovial fools and knaves just like you when you're re-establishing, and you have that need to express interpersonal personal importance because of your new angle of attack. Thanks for the input. It's kind of the opposite problem for me, I graduated school at the end of 2020 but I'd been in and out since 2011 so it feels like I keep circling around these groups that keep forming and dissolving and never really being part of any of them. Someone did text me afterwards to say they realized it was my birthday later, which was nice but I still feel like I'm just completely lost. I called in sick yesterday, and given time and my regular therapist appointment yesterday I'm feeling better, but I'm definitely in a seriously apathetic mood right now- I'm functioning at work but I don't really wanna do anything at all but play video games for the near future
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Aug 18, 2022 20:28
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StashAugustine posted:Thanks for the input. It's kind of the opposite problem for me, I graduated school at the end of 2020 but I'd been in and out since 2011 so it feels like I keep circling around these groups that keep forming and dissolving and never really being part of any of them. Someone did text me afterwards to say they realized it was my birthday later, which was nice but I still feel like I'm just completely lost. I called in sick yesterday, and given time and my regular therapist appointment yesterday I'm feeling better, but I'm definitely in a seriously apathetic mood right now- I'm functioning at work but I don't really wanna do anything at all but play video games for the near future Honestly I think that's everyone. Like, seriously, loving same. Personally I feel that if you were born after the inception of ARPANET you're just gonna feel some type of way like this, as we're no longer in possession of the socialization lenses we used to look through before that. Rose tinted they are, though...Things got faster, and we realized it collectively, so now everything that was established beforehand seems slow and depressing even by comparison. Bummer that the future can't help but look grim to generations like ours blindsided by the speed of it all, but even that's a lie because we're truly no different as species, just...it's harder to feel comfortable with any found equillibrium because we can see right through each other and all are excited to DESERVE to be picky and find the best. IMO: socialization is actually overplentifully accessible and it is pretty stressful and kinda sucks for the sheer volume of it, causing a whole raft of complexes that we barely even currently understand, much less can be expected to care to personally compensate for in our lives. So, long story short...nah, you ain't crazy, and your upset is legitimate and I see you there. You're clearly not incapable of socializing but my GOD is there a lot to impersonally bitch about. Just look at these loving weird times lmao Uganda Loves Me posted:I finally just quit my Prozac cold turkey. I was on a low dose (20mg) and my psychiatric NP had the great idea of tapering down by taking it every other day. I was experiencing fresh withdrawal symptoms every other day. On the other days, the serotonin was spiking upward. What a confusing mess. I messaged my NP, and said we should have tapered down by reducing the dose, rather than skipping days. They gave me a 10mg prescription, but I haven't touched it. The dose was low enough, and I rode out the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. I just wanna say good job on recovery. Like if you can drop assistive medication like that, that speaks of true growth and strength to me, that is a loving hell of a personal mile marker. "I found the relief and strength, at last." Waffle House has issued a correction as of 22:45 on Aug 18, 2022 |
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Aug 18, 2022 22:43
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Thank you. I'm only sharing my story in bits and pieces, though. I'm being treated for bipolar disorder, and we're now adjusting to the additional ADHD diagnosis I received a week ago. SSRIs like Prozac are not a great idea for bipolar disorder, but I was extremely depressed last year so the NP was throwing everything at the wall to see what stuck. I think it might have helped for a little while, but it causes problems with hypomania/mania too. I'm definitely asserting myself more with my treatment team. I'm sticking with my fairly high dose of Wellbutrin and Lamictal, as they seem as close to effective as I can get for bipolar and ADHD. Finding the right psychotropic meds is a frustrating process, and it usually ends up with deciding whether they're worth the side-effects or not. Also in response to friendchat: I've found it very hard to make new friends as an adult. The most effective approach I found was to tap into existing social networks. Clubs, volunteering opportunities, meetup groups, and in my case support groups. There are groups that want to bring new people in. That depends on the area, of course.
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Aug 19, 2022 02:32
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Yeah this is a grad student/young adult group that I've been sort of in and out of and most of them were friends with my brother (who just moved away), I even went on a road trip to a wedding with some of them a week or two ago. So it's not quite how do I meet people but mostly feeling like no one is interested in me- maybe I just don't fit in with that group but that'd mean trying to find something completely different. I'm also mostly posting this because it feels like the anhedonia and despair have set in again- I'm trying to watch a movie, it's a good movie, but I can't seem to focus on it at all. I do have an online group chat that's been supportive recently but I don't want to keep bringing it down again, so I guess I'm posting here instead
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Aug 19, 2022 03:00
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Thank you. I'm only sharing my story in bits and pieces, though. I'm being treated for bipolar disorder, and we're now adjusting to the additional ADHD diagnosis I received a week ago. SSRIs like Prozac are not a great idea for bipolar disorder, but I was extremely depressed last year so the NP was throwing everything at the wall to see what stuck. I am just loving amazed that in all of life's cognitive whirl you managed to squarely nail down any, much less a whole healing sequence. Like, please, never stop congratulating yourself on it, even the smallest of successes should always, always, always outweigh the blizzard of loving bullshit that ails you in life, but that itself is such a loving bear to even allow yourself to feel given the frontload that said blizzard can foist on you. StashAugustine posted:Yeah this is a grad student/young adult group that I've been sort of in and out of and most of them were friends with my brother (who just moved away), I even went on a road trip to a wedding with some of them a week or two ago. So it's not quite how do I meet people but mostly feeling like no one is interested in me- maybe I just don't fit in with that group but that'd mean trying to find something completely different. I'm also mostly posting this because it feels like the anhedonia and despair have set in again- I'm trying to watch a movie, it's a good movie, but I can't seem to focus on it at all. I do have an online group chat that's been supportive recently but I don't want to keep bringing it down again, so I guess I'm posting here instead Ever with that baseless insecurity!! I swear, this loving kills me all the time, and it's never actually true; to me it's like (1) I haven't found people I really engage with, and I have that sense of duty to self to socialize, but (2) loving...that goddamn parasocial paranoia you get from being unable to read people's minds, that due to the power that Mazlow's needs have over you, instantly makes you spiral so loving fast into the self-doubt, questioning, and those feelings of worthlessness.  It's just such a loving pain in the rear end, but totally not real or fair to us as a species. I have no idea what vestigial-rear end instinct it's based on, but I wish I could just yeet it from my loving brain forever.
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Aug 19, 2022 05:13
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Cross posting from E/N since i am freaking out. I think i am doing terribly at this job. But no one is saying anything. I mean, other than correcting the stupid basic mistakes i do (i just got corrected by having left on format on save adding a bunch of necessary changes, being unable to split my merge requests into smaller ones, misunderstanding the explicit instructions in the use story...) Now i am in a limbo where i don't know if everyone secretly thinks i am a stupid idiot who shouldnt be making these basic mistakes at 10 years experience or if it's all in my head. My family says it's all in my head with not evidence. My few friends say it's all in my head with no evidence. I am just afraid that if i leave i don't dare ask anyone for references. What do I do? Edit: I can't lost this job because i don't even know how to speak Norwegian because i get home so loving tired and fried i have no energy to do anything else. And then in the weekends my brother always invites me over and i get a bunch of questions like the house thing and "why am I not taking a Norwegian course" and "Why haven't you invited us over in over a year" (because my house is filthy and full of garbage and boxes i never unpacked because i don't know where to put anything) and "what exactly do you do with all your free time" ("NOTHING. loving NOTHING. I lay in bed, watch videos, heat garbage food in my oven or airdryer and that's it"), "You should get a new therapist, you've been there for so long and you still don't act normal", and MORE AND MORE CRITICISMS AHHHHHHH Nothing I do is good enough. I act like a child and an treated like a child by everyone. And i can't escape the cycle. Everything seems pointless to me since the world seems to be collapsing. People are actively talking about it at work. And i don't understand how anyone can keep going like this. I think i am doing terribly at this job. But no one is saying anything. I mean, other than correcting the stupid basic mistakes i do (i just got corrected by having left on format on save adding a bunch of necessary changes, being unable to split my merge requests into smaller ones, misunderstanding the explicit instructions in the use story...) Now i am in a limbo where i don't know if everyone secretly thinks i am a stupid idiot who shouldnt be making these basic mistakes at 10 years experience or if it's all in my head. My family says it's all in my head with not evidence. My few friends say it's all in my head with no evidence. I am just afraid that if i leave i don't dare ask anyone for references. What do I do? Edit: I can't lost this job because i don't even know how to speak Norwegian because i get home so loving tired and fried i have no energy to do anything else. And then in the weekends my brother always invites me over and i get a bunch of questions like the house thing and "why am I not taking a Norwegian course" and "Why haven't you invited us over in over a year" (because my house is filthy and full of garbage and boxes i never unpacked because i don't know where to put anything) and "what exactly do you do with all your free time" ("NOTHING. loving NOTHING. I lay in bed, watch videos, heat garbage food in my oven or airdryer and that's it"), "You should get a new therapist, you've been there for so long and you still don't act normal", and MORE AND MORE CRITICISMS AHHHHHHH Nothing I do is good enough. I act like a child and an treated like a child by everyone. And i can't escape the cycle. Everything seems pointless to me since the world seems to be collapsing. People are actively talking about it at work. And i don't understand how anyone can keep going like this. Edit: my boss wants to talk to me about this in 30 mins. I dunno if I should offer to resign.
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Aug 19, 2022 10:23
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AceOfFlames posted:Cross posting from E/N since i am freaking out. If you're being corrected a bunch at least you must be doing something. Lots of bad employees just do nothing. If you are able to take the criticism, make changes and get your pull requests approved I would argue you are in fact a good employee. It's nice when team members start internalizing the lessons they are being taught during code review and you have to correct them less, but I would take a team member who I have to give a piece or two of feedback to every time over one who never delivers anything or one who fights every suggestion I make. The latter ones are shockingly common, which you probably know at some level if you have been doing this for ten years. I would say on average a third of any team end up being these people. Just don't be one of them and most everyone should be very happy to work with you. thotsky has issued a correction as of 17:00 on Aug 19, 2022 |
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Aug 19, 2022 11:25
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Thanks! That actually means a lot to me.
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Aug 19, 2022 15:43
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General reply about making friends as an adult: I met some people through an improv group I was lightly pressured to join by a friend. Don't be afraid of looking like an idiot, chances are you're the most harsh critic of yourself.AceOfFlames posted:job anxiety I was in a similar situation at work once. If I were doing it again I would ask for a frank evaluation of my performance (although in my case it wouldn't have helped). Long story short, it was bad management. I was doing fine and ended up doubling my pay and getting a promotion to a better job fit. A lot of things are outside of your control, but I do understand the incredible anxiety associated with receiving zero feedback in a professional setting. Assume you are doing nothing wrong unless something specific is addressed - everything else is above your head, and don't worry about meeting unspoken expectations! They are not real! You are not psychic and cannot be expected to respond to things you aren't being told are issues.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:27
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I've been taking Seroquel/Quetiapine for Bipolar for half a year now and I have to say, does anyone else think this drug makes you stupid or gives you brain fog? Especially immediately after taking. Whether it's work performance or just basic conversation, I feel like I've become less sharp. America Inc. has issued a correction as of 08:00 on Aug 22, 2022 |
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Aug 22, 2022 07:58
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Seroquel is some heavy duty stuff. I'm not a doctor, and people experience different side effects etc. However, if you feel an effect of a medication, that's probably what's happening. I do my best to be blunt and open with my psychiatric nurse practitioner. I think she misses stuff, but she listens to what I say. It sucks rear end, but it seems like a lot of peers just have to do our own research and closely track what's happening. You can read the list of warnings and side-effects associated with a medication, but it seems like they all list every side effect under the sun as a possible outcome. I just resort to googling the name of the medication along with the side effect. Lots of people share their experiences with meds through Reddit and other outlets. Sometimes a side-effect is more complex than simply happening after taking the meds. I'm on Lamictal, and it dehydrates me to a ridiculous extent. I keep 2 of the 1.4L nalgene bottles with me at all times, and it seems like I'm always refilling them. I know that if I don't drink a bunch of water before going to bed, I wakeup feeling hung over. I had vertigo last year, and my general practitioner figured out it was from dehydration. My psychiatric NP never even acknowledged that this was happening. I remember quitting Lamictal in the past. I felt so much better due to the lack of side-effects. I felt like my thoughts were more clear, my vision seemed less blurry, I felt more coordinated and wasn't prone to motion sickness. After that, I went on an odyssey trying all kinds of mood stabilizers and meds that were prescribed for off-label use. I'm back on Lamictal now, but at a lower dose. It seems like I'm constantly doing maintenance for my mental health. Having bipolar disorder means I need to be vigilant about all kinds of bullshit. On top of that, I have to make sure I regularly take my meds at the correct time of day. I'll have issues due to a lack of medication, but it's mostly the side-effects of withdrawal that kick my rear end. If I gently caress up my medication management, I become a whole lot less functional. That of course snowballs into other problems. Managing this dehydration is a constant frustration. Dehydration has its own consequences, but drinking too much water causes issues too. I try to get some extra electrolytes to compensate, and it's hard to say what else is affected or how. I just googled excessive water drinking with mental health meds, and apparently there's even a disorder where someone literally drinks themselves to death with water: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5579464 TL;DR: That's a whole lot of words to say that you can change your meds, and you have the right to change your psych provider. I recommend listening to your body, and bringing any issues up as soon as possible with your psychiatrist. All psych meds have side-effects, and ultimately it comes down to whether you think the benefits outweigh the bullshit. I decided Lamictal is worth it, even though it's an unpleasant experience. I'll also give my usual plug for peer support. Taking one provider's word for it isn't a great idea, and researching meds can be difficult, especially when you're not doing well. It helps to talk to people who have experienced this stuff before.
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Aug 22, 2022 15:14
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America Inc. posted:I've been taking Seroquel/Quetiapine for Bipolar for half a year now and I have to say, does anyone else think this drug makes you stupid or gives you brain fog? Especially immediately after taking. my therapist called Seroquel a "chemical straightjacket"; it absolutely made me feel dumber/slower than usual. I was relieved to get off of it
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Aug 23, 2022 21:58
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Another episode in my continuing misadventures at NAMI: Our intern had to move away earlier than planned in order to escape an abusive homelife. I did my best to help her tie up loose ends so she didn't have to stay longer than she absolutely had to. This meant taking over the Peer to Peer class she was teaching. When the class went on break last week, people were discussing interactions with emergency services. I was still experiencing withdrawal from a medication, and didn't realize that my filter was completely off. I started telling horror stories from our own hometown. I know of more than a few people who experienced psychosis, and were sentenced to years in prison over "violent" felonies. Even in situations where they literally never touched anyone or made any threats whatsoever. Many of these situations involved the Crisis Intervention Teams, meaning cops with a therapist dressed as a cop. Many of these people went through "mental health court," which is specifically designed to protect people from this kind of railroading. These people experienced the best the county's legal system had to offer, and ended up with years in prison. I also mentioned the undercover cop who convinced a lonely kid with autism to score him a tiny amount of weed in exchange for friendship. That of course made the kid a "drug dealer." The cops stormed the high school with shotguns and AR-15s in hand to physically drag students out of their classes in front of their peers. People ended up expelled, with their college dreams crushed. This was right at the high school I attended. I did my best to keep somewhat in control, and concluded that people should "watch out around cops." To my credit, I didn't say ACAB or that I view any violence directed at cops as self-defense (Not actually encouraging this. That's just my moral stance. Please don't get yourself tortured and/or murdered by the state.). After I got home, I remembered that someone in the class either had a cop brother or was married to a cop. 
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Aug 24, 2022 19:58
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Uganda Loves Me posted:I also mentioned the undercover cop who convinced a lonely kid with autism to score him a tiny amount of weed in exchange for friendship. That's actually really hosed up and sounds like entrapment.
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Aug 24, 2022 22:24
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It's honestly even more hosed up than I'm mentioning. Going into detail would bring me even closer to doxxing myself though. EDIT: Sometimes I forget the stupid draconian bullshit the powers-that-be pulled while I was in school. They openly described our school as an experiment. They implemented all kinds of weird, probably-not-legal rules designed to kick people when they were down. People with special needs, including my sister, were hosed over in so many ways. They were clearly not wanted. A number of parents spent tens of thousands of dollars taking the school district to court in order to get their children's basic needs met. Did I say court? I meant binding arbitration run by a judge who was best friends with the school district's incompetent lawyer. I've mentioned before that I didn't graduate high school because my grades were arbitrarily lowered by school district policies. They would lower all grades from an entire semester by one or two letter grades, and eliminated the "D" grade. People could earn a B in the class, and have it adjusted to an F. Uganda Loves Me has issued a correction as of 22:57 on Aug 24, 2022 |
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Aug 24, 2022 22:43
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the job situation has not improved over here. as a matter of fact, i have started having stress dreams again. hell, i'm at least trying to put in some more applications while i am awake. the house line has apparently only allowed some incoming calls ring through. the same house line i've been listing as my main point of contact because i've not been able to keep my cell phone service turned on. i had an interview this past week in which i was told an answer would get back to me on monday. monday came and went with the only time my phone rang the entire day was family asking if they called me back yet. not even a "sorry, we went with somebody else" style brush-off. i called and left a message on tuesday, but i am honestly not expecting that call to be returned anytime soon. i have been up for the past 90 minutes and all i am right now is loving seething. i honestly do not know how many additional hoops a shithead has to jump through in order to be able to be able to get employed, but apparently i've not jumped through enough of them to even earn a measly nine loving dollars an hour. so no wonder there's been friction between me and the members of my family who haven't had to find a job in 30 years offering job advice. Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 11:40 on Aug 25, 2022 |
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Aug 25, 2022 10:54
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:the job situation has not improved over here. as a matter of fact, i have started having stress dreams again. hell, i'm at least trying to put in some more applications while i am awake. gently caress boomers and gently caress working
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Aug 25, 2022 12:13
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Jorge Bell posted:gently caress boomers and gently caress working
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Aug 25, 2022 20:06
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Jorge Bell posted:gently caress boomers and gently caress working Its not doing things for others i object it, its prostrating myself and dealing with loving horseshit from powertripping assholes that knocked me out of the workforce. I've been hanging out behind a convenience store again at closing time to see if the clerk will just let me have the pizza that's been sitting under a sunlamp for god knows how long. This is better than when I was working. Uganda Loves Me posted:It's honestly even more hosed up than I'm mentioning. Going into detail would bring me even closer to doxxing myself though. I can't even fathom raising a kid nowadays. At this point I'm fully in favor of homeschooling or even just letting them do their own thing as long as they can get a GED, and I'm fully aware of the downsides of homeschooling, and would have told you as much a few years ago. However, at this point the downsides of homeschooling are massively outweighed by uh, kids being entrapped in a fascist hell that will punish them relentlessly and brutally and will not protect them when a shooter shows up. At this point I'd rather teach a kid learning to read on their own, construction skills, coding, soldering, home repair*, etc instead of frog marching them through 13 years of dogshit for the opportunity for 4+ years of dogshit. * Not even with the intent of a trade job, this is pure hobocraft and learning to keep decaying things running. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 20:53 on Aug 25, 2022 |
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Aug 25, 2022 20:47
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In therapy today had a suggestion of using meetup.com to find groups for various interests, and the first thing that came up was a SFF discussion group meeting at a bar tonight. (I work second shift but have a generous lunch break so I'd stop by for a bit then.) I was initially both interested and also anxious about it, which kept dialing up as time went on. I couldn't quite decide whether I actually wanted to go; at first it was a series of practical, if perhaps trivial, concerns about not having similar tastes, not fitting in well, etc; but by the end it was just an overpowering and basically incoherent fear. I had decided to go but as I was going to the car it started raining heavily, and I ended up changing my mind multiple times in the car until I ended up going home instead. I'm obviously gonna bring this up next time but I gotta write it down anyway and figured I'd get eyes on it
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Aug 26, 2022 00:47
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StashAugustine posted:In therapy today had a suggestion of using meetup.com to find groups for various interests, and the first thing that came up was a SFF discussion group meeting at a bar tonight. (I work second shift but have a generous lunch break so I'd stop by for a bit then.) I was initially both interested and also anxious about it, which kept dialing up as time went on. I couldn't quite decide whether I actually wanted to go; at first it was a series of practical, if perhaps trivial, concerns about not having similar tastes, not fitting in well, etc; but by the end it was just an overpowering and basically incoherent fear. I had decided to go but as I was going to the car it started raining heavily, and I ended up changing my mind multiple times in the car until I ended up going home instead. I'm obviously gonna bring this up next time but I gotta write it down anyway and figured I'd get eyes on it Sounds very familiar. Change and socializing with new people can both be very uncomfortable and even scary. For me, if I am depressed, that kind of impulse is stronger and closer at hand, but I have had episodes like that even when I am at my best.
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Aug 26, 2022 10:21
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Had my work absolutely savaged by my boss. Dunno if I will be able to keep this job Can't go on like this. Going to try a new therapist that can hopefully get me psychiatric referral if necessary. I loving hope it works this time. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 11:27 on Aug 27, 2022 |
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Aug 26, 2022 11:05
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just remember, a company is an inhuman hive intelligence manipulating primate social cues for its own purposes, which are to concentrate wealth and ultimately to cast aside all life forms as impediments to the pure flow of Number not sure how that's helpful, but i definitely remember it all the time
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Aug 26, 2022 13:42
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Tungsten posted:just remember, a company is an inhuman hive intelligence manipulating primate social cues for its own purposes, which are to concentrate wealth and ultimately to cast aside all life forms as impediments to the pure flow of Number I haven't worked for nearly a year, and this is a big part of why. Getting a job is easy. WANTING a job is not.
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Aug 26, 2022 13:46
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I recently got a job offer from a university. It feels good to finally have an offer on the table, but I've been stressed figuring out relocation and whatnot. Luckily, the start date is flexible, which prevents me from catastrophizing over the apartment hunt. Also, thank you to the people on this forum who suggested Psychology Today's search engine as a way to find a therapist! One of my friends was having difficulty finding one and kept getting ghosted by different counseling centers, but I suggested it to him and he was able to find a therapist right away.
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Aug 27, 2022 01:45
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I've been slowly contemplating the things I always hear when I share what my condition does. And picking things apart until I understand what makes them tick is what I do. So I've done a lot of it on the statements. The truth is that those statements are not for me; they reveal nothing about the relationship between me and the person saying them, because they repeat the same lines. I've raged against meaningless platitudes before, but analyzing them does bear fruit, if ever so slowly. They have meaning, but the meaning is entirely implied. Then I compare and contrast with the treatment of mentally ill homeless people. I take every statement, then ask "is this true for someone homeless?". I do this with more or less everything said to me. The platitudes are defense mechanisms. I'm observing the truth about my condition - it's led to me being isolated and miserable, and it's ongoing and unlikely to improve. Several different doctors have confirmed my condition cannot be treated any further. Any actions I try to take against my life sucking rear end are at best long shots because I don't have the capability to work to get me the resources needed to actually improve my life, and as the conditions around the world get more dire, I am less and less a priority to government services and they weren't good before. So I confront people, especially when what was said was insincere or a lie. Often the true message is just "disabled people are weird and creepy, go away", and in those cases I don't have a reason to talk to that person. Sometimes it's "I can't handle this, it makes me unable to ignore my own problems", in which case I wish them good luck and don't talk to them anymore. Far more often than I'd like it's "you can't say that, people will get upset, you need to act normal", which is just plain sad. It's strange, how often people think the answer is to pretend I don't feel the way I do and to convince myself of things I know to be false. I've never seen it work, but I've heard it as advice countless times. Just as often I hear I need to be rational about things (and thus ignore my emotions) and that has the exact same success rate. I've yet to meet a rational person. Maybe I should grab my lantern and go looking. Well, tomorrow, it's getting pretty late. But as I confront people, I do run into people who don't have an answer I can predict, too. Those answers are the only ones worth hearing. Sure, there's a lot of assholes out there too, but I'll take a honest rear end in a top hat over a polite rear end in a top hat any day. And sometimes I run into people who are just as tired of the charades as I am and not afraid to say it. They're a delight to meet. I should be more of an incorrigible scamp with irrelevant questions and uncomfortable observations. There's probably better ways to figure out who will tell me the truth than me being a scintillating font of sad stories, but I'm autistic as hell and probably not figuring it out. Tips?
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Aug 28, 2022 23:05
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Why yes the pandemic ate the few irl things I did and these days I simply have no reason to step outside so I spend my time getting weirder, because trying to be normal sure as hell never worked.
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Aug 28, 2022 23:21
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Being "normal" requires a degree of gullibility I no longer feel comfortable with
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Aug 28, 2022 23:41
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endlessmonotony posted:I've been slowly contemplating the things I always hear when I share what my condition does. I read your post a few times and I don't understand it, there's a lot of alluding. But I genuinely hope positive things for you.
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Aug 28, 2022 23:49
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thehandtruck posted:I read your post a few times and I don't understand it, there's a lot of alluding. But I genuinely hope positive things for you. Ironically, the phrase that got me thinking was "I'm here if you need to talk", though it also applies to "you're appreciated" when nobody's acting that way (I prefer the common "nobody wants you here, go away" to that), to "things will get better" in contexts where five surgeries later several professionals have said it will get worse and cannot be stopped, "you just need to ask for help" when I'm 66 months in to "not even at the end of this treatment path", and have been waiting for a specific treatment for 20 months to see if it helps... Basically, any instance of people saying they care and not acting like they care, which is a pretty universal experience, especially in long-term disability. The words are meant to convince the person saying them they're not a bad person, not to help the person they're being said to. And reflecting on how someone not doing it is actually a pretty good sign that they're a cut above the rest.
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Aug 29, 2022 00:08
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There's the person I'd like to convince myself I am, and then there's me. This is equally true for everyone else, and it's always uncomfortable to be reminded of the difference. Observing this in others allows me to observe it in myself, and step by step abandon the things I only do to avoid disapproval from others. I live my life for myself, and I don't give a poo poo if people feel entitled to an explanation about why I, for example, need the disability accommodations I do. Or why I dress the way I do. It's the litany against fear, but with being polite.
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Aug 29, 2022 00:37
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endlessmonotony posted:I've been slowly contemplating the things I always hear when I share what my condition does. What is the end goal of you "confronting people"? Is it political praxis, like, some kind of awareness raising? Are you looking for assistance of some kind from these people? Does it end up making you feel better or worse? I think I might have told you before, but people trying to minimize your suffering/situation does not come across to me as strange at all. I think that's just what people resort to when they are emphatic but realize they can't directly solve your problem. I guess it feels less callous to people then just saying "welp that sucks", and has a theoretically chance of being helpful in some scenarios, but from the sound of it, not yours. I am curious about what truths it is you are looking to hear from the people you interact with. It sounds like you are suggesting that you know people to be truthful with you if after sharing your woes they agree with your position on them, but that you would prefer to have another method at your disposal. The validity of the aforementioned approach seems questionable, and as far as I understand it, lie detection as a cognitive process is complex and not particularly accurate. Even if someone is not actively trying to deceive you, their take on reality might not jive with yours, a challenge you seem to be familiar with. What lies behind the eyes of other people is ultimately an abyss; I think people just try to make the best of it.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:02
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thotsky posted:What is the end goal of you "confronting people"? Is it political praxis, like, some kind of awareness raising? Are you looking for assistance of some kind from these people? Does it end up making you feel better or worse? That's the thing, the "cheer up" relying on "you don't know what you're talking about" - "it gets better" being a pet peeve - isn't helpful, it's hurtful. It's especially hurtful because I used to believe that myself. Well, until I found out the truth and saw the imaging. These days I just touch the side of my head whenever I start feeling like it isn't all that bad. The scars help, ground me in the now, keep me on working on what I can do, rather than losing myself in wishing a few events wouldn't have happened. The people who understand that pointless positivity can be hurtful are better people than the people who don't, and I find myself entirely done with the people who insist they're helping because they're being positive. Filtering between the two groups is fairly easy, by just pointing out what they're saying is a bunch of poo poo and they don't mean a word of it. I am playful about it, and I'm helped by a culture where being needlessly grim is funny. And then sometimes I find someone with an interesting viewpoint, and that's the reason I talk to people at all, really. That, and being bored. Being bored and lonely is a powerful force. Figuring out a better way to find people with that attitude would be nice. I'm very talky so I do get into unexpected conversations a bunch.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:17
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They're also very pointedly not being empathetic, they want to be seen as empathetic. Empathy means understanding what someone else is going through, which in my case is very difficult.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:21
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Oh hey there's another - "I know what you're going through". Do you really. You've got a decent idea what it's like to lose ten years of your life, every bit of your useful skills, and any hope of having healthy teeth to a brain disorder that causes distorted thinking and took five brain surgeries to get under enough control to not need daily care by someone else.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:28
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Thing is, it works. All of that works. I loathe people where I can't figure out what they mean and what they're saying just to be seen as the kind of person saying those things, so I don't do that. And there's plenty of other people out there - gently caress, I'd say most people out there - who are sick to their core of always pretending and having to assume others are pretending too. Every good thing in my life is a direct result of me just speaking my mind, especially when it isn't wise, and being myself with some fear and zero capitulation to the fear.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:39
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People can say all of those things and mean them, and people can say none of those things because they simply don't give a poo poo. If you can't do anything about your medical situation one way or another, why do you fight your mind trying to normalize it so badly? Coping mechanisms are probably there for a reason. Being painfully aware of the painful parts of our lives don't seem to make them any less painful.
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Aug 29, 2022 01:52
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| # ? May 23, 2024 14:03 |
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thotsky posted:People can say all of those things and mean them, and people can say none of those things because they simply don't give a poo poo. Because then I end up making plans hoping I'll get better. I won't. And you cannot empathize with what that feels like. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST) (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Aug 29, 2022 01:56
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