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FD: let’s not focus on where you do or do not belong, as it seems we will agree to disagree. you may not think you belong here, but we don’t care - we want you here. nonetheless I want to know about you. what makes you feel like there is wholesome good in this world? what brings you comfort? how do you escape your own mind within your mind? it can be deep, complex answers or just simple “I like fresh baked bread, a rainy day and a movie, and a restful nap”. this world is dogshit at best, but there are many caves and corners of bliss. let’s go exploring them
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Aug 11, 2022 12:50
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 23:53 |
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I am sad and keep messing my life up. You guys make it bearable. |
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Aug 11, 2022 22:20
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After decades of being really dishonest and lovely to myself I finally opened up about the real poo poo in therapy and to some friends and family in the last week and started making plans to address things I'm not happy about it has been such an insane weight off my back, like a fog has lifted, my depression is gone, and I'm feeling good about the future for the first time in... maybe ever? I dunno. And it turns out I had a bunch of cool and supportive people in my life the whole time. Keep working at it dudes, you can do this |
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Aug 12, 2022 13:23
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I'm so happy for you poverty goat. What made you change tack? Being fed up? Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Aug 13, 2022 |
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Aug 12, 2022 17:18
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Bright Bart posted:I'm so happy for you poverty goat. Well I coped for a good long while w/ self destructive stimulant abuse and I think finally putting some distance (1.5 years or so) between myself and that has helped me a lot. I really wanted to relapse a couple of months ago, but didn't, and on the back side of that I'm feeling like I have to do better this time before it kills me. Or maybe it's just a midlife crisis e: jk though poverty goat fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Aug 12, 2022 |
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Aug 12, 2022 18:45
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seriously though brains are dumb as hell |
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Aug 13, 2022 16:00
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i am pretty glad mental illness exists because in the reality where it doesn't i bet some people just have hosed up brains and die after stresses.
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Aug 13, 2022 16:15
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poverty goat posted:seriously though brains are dumb as hell a big lump of hot meat trying to imagine a world without onions how do any of us even survive? i seriously have no idea
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Aug 13, 2022 18:52
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in a world without onions survival seems dubious
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Aug 13, 2022 22:40
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I was pretty excited for my first session with a new therapist today; then he texted me last night to reschedule because he caught covid.  Time to put the ratchet straps around the old brain for another week and avoid the void. |
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Aug 15, 2022 14:11
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poo poo that suxx dmc, hope you can hang in there
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Aug 15, 2022 19:22
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appreciate it. It seems that doxycycline for the past two weeks for an unidentified insect bite is doing a real number on my brain, but today’s the last day and soon I’m allowed to exist in the sunlight again. |
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Aug 16, 2022 14:13
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i havent taken any prozac since i ran out a week and a half ago and i can't tell much of a difference. maybe it hasn't settled in yet. it only really seemed to take the very edge off of my anxiety anyway so whatever. Need to meet with a psychiatrist instead of my GP. i have, however, been taking gabapentin for this screaming tooth pain while waiting for an appointment. I wouldnt be here at work without it. And, if anything, I feel less anxious and more comfortable now. i know it's not the solution to my brokebrains but I'll roll with it for now. |
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Aug 17, 2022 15:37
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Sarah Cenia posted:i havent taken any prozac since i ran out a week and a half ago and i can't tell much of a difference. maybe it hasn't settled in yet. it only really seemed to take the very edge off of my anxiety anyway so whatever. Need to meet with a psychiatrist instead of my GP.
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Aug 17, 2022 17:09
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after literally eating ramen till i puked I started taking way better care of myself and winning some little battles. onward & upward I suppose (still hate my life)
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Aug 18, 2022 22:29
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I need a win. Just a big win. Also more medication as I'm not even getting those small victories. |
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Aug 18, 2022 22:38
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i think my #1 issue is being a chronically disappointed idealist once i figure out how to square with living in insanity it'll all balance out lol |
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Aug 21, 2022 20:51
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I just watched portrait of a lady on fire for the first time, and it didn’t open up recently healed wounds. but they did ache, and hit a feeling I’m trying to discern and unravel. what I’m afraid is dwelling and managing to open up wounds (or somehow create more!!). my depression has a tendency to - assume and act as if the worst is happening - better pull away and hide - oh? people are upset at that? also your fault, why aren’t you open? why would anyone want to listen to you now, you’ll just vanish - start from the top again, and again, and again i don’t know how to not pull away and hide. I don’t quite know why I do it. I feel safe, but I hurt so many others.
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Aug 21, 2022 23:12
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baka fwocka fwame posted:after literally eating ramen till i puked I started taking way better care of myself and winning some little battles. onward & upward I suppose (still hate my life) glad to hear that you're looking after yourself and getting some wins friend  hope things keep getting better for you!Bright Bart posted:I need a win. Just a big win. hope you get your big win soon friend, sometimes it takes a lot of effort just to feel like at best you're treading water but hang in there - things will get better teen witch posted:I just watched portrait of a lady on fire for the first time, and it didn’t open up recently healed wounds. but they did ache, and hit a feeling I’m trying to discern and unravel. what I’m afraid is dwelling and managing to open up wounds (or somehow create more!!). miss hanging out with you friend (no pressure) and sorry you're dealing with that, loving brains - they really are great at being jerks to us sometimes. being vulnerable isn't easy, don't be too tough on yourself if it's hard to let your guard down or not withdraw when you're feeling bad. hopefully in time with feeling safe and introspecting a bit as to the whys you can work towards not feeling the need as much to pull away? i dunno in any case sending you chill and positive vibes and hope you're doing okay out there
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Aug 22, 2022 05:11
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Really struggling with life. My brain keeps jumping to the "just KYS" at every slight annoyance or inconvenience. I had to quit my job or lose my disability funding and I really hated my job so that was easy. But now I'm just barely scraping by without employment income. Probably going to go bankrupt if the bankruptcy people ever get back to me. |
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Aug 22, 2022 07:15
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Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:Really struggling with life. My brain keeps jumping to the "just KYS" at every slight annoyance or inconvenience. I'm really sorry you're going through a tough time of it friend  Can sympathize, treatment of people with disability sucks in general, I hope you can find something less suckful that can work with or replace and improve your funding at some point. Please remember that you are worthwhile and people care about you, I know it probably doesn't mean much but I am glad you post here with us and I want things to be better for you. I do hope you're able to talk to someone at least about those intrusive thoughts, ideally both people close to you and professionals. Just remember things can get better from here, at least in terms of how you are feeling, even if it doesn't seem that way at times. Sending you chill and positive vibes and much love pal 
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Aug 22, 2022 11:43
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also sorry if im doing the whole annoying positivity thing - don't think ya gotta paste on a smile just sending you all best wishes, been a rough month - good friend died from COVID and still processing that slowly and the resulting fallout from that. |
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Aug 22, 2022 15:37
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teen witch posted:i don’t know how to not pull away and hide. I don’t quite know why I do it. I feel safe, but I hurt so many others. I found that most of the people in my life will give me time they just want communication, and yet when it gets real bad even that ks a high bar to jump. Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:Really struggling with life. My brain keeps jumping to the "just KYS" at every slight annoyance or inconvenience. I'm hoping youbcan get help for intrusive thoughts as they are no fun to say the least. Don't feel bad about the bankruptcy. People in a lot easier situation than yours have relief on it. |
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Aug 22, 2022 15:47
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I know it sounds like I don't mean it or it's some standard response or whatever, but believe me it's not and I really really feel you. Please reach out if you have really bad and dark thoughts. We have a really cool collection of links and numbers and whatnot of resources available for anyone in the mod forum, worldwide stuffs, and if you want any of that, please tell me. We have that stuff to share it with anyone who is struggling and you also always can reach out here to me or any other mod or admin both for some resource links as well just to talk, it's always good to share and not stay silent!
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Aug 22, 2022 18:17
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nah some good posting im just highly embarrassed of myself i think so i can relate to posters who think they’re dumb or whatever. standard promise that if I’m around you’re not the lamest orb in the metaphorical building I keep waking up being like, o god rn at my reality. I had so much invested in the idea that I was actually a fuckin normo cuz I don’t wanna deal with everything you have to put up with as a schizo but I have to somehow stay positive and put up with it I guess
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Aug 22, 2022 18:42
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Papa Was A Video Toaster posted:I had to quit my job or lose my disability funding this is the dumbest loving thing, or more to the point it's a deliberately cruel thing, and it makes me very mad. sorry friend, even though you hated the job the situation it puts you and other people in is very lovely.
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Aug 22, 2022 18:57
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I feel like depression is really taking a number on my cognitive abilities. Words barely come to mind and I'm forgetting basic things. I'm not even posting any advice in the Goon Doctor right now. Wouldn't be proper.
Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Aug 29, 2022 |
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Aug 29, 2022 02:15
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Bright Bart posted:I feel like depression is really taking a number on my cognitive abilities. Words barely come to mind and I'm forgetting basic things. I'm not even posting any advice in the Goon Doctor right now. Wouldn't be proper. it's scary having a flowers for algernon sort of situation. most people stay the same level of smart their whole lives, but mental illness can really shift things in either direction. i don't think i become dumber or smarter depending on where i am, mental health wise, but my priorities and amount of energy vary drastically. when in the pits of depression i may not feel creative but i sure as hell find ways to survive and hide which is some sort of animal cunning. while manic my brain shifts into high gear but starts making a lot of mistakes, which due to the speed of brainstuff, can compound into bad thought patterns and actions like a train engine derailing, then getting slammed into by a hundred cargo trains loaded with high explosive. it is good you are lucid. i am kind of in the same place, i've had a lot on my mind and i've been slipping in some really basic ways. movie nite on saturday i completely brain farted and spent time hunting down and making a post about a movie, forgetting one was already picked. i've hosed up in some other basic and minor ways but ways i wouldn't have if i was doing better. not that i'm doing bad, really, just not great. on sundays we usually do a family dinner thing at my aunts but i messaged her explaining that i needed a bit of a break, that i'd had a lot on my mind, etc. she totally got it, was glad i was cognizant of my faculties enough to know when i need some time. this is a long rambling post but i always feel that reading about someone elses struggles (mine) helps process your own (yours)
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Aug 29, 2022 14:13
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Bright Bart posted:I feel like depression is really taking a number on my cognitive abilities. Words barely come to mind and I'm forgetting basic things. I'm not even posting any advice in the Goon Doctor right now. Wouldn't be proper. i experience those same things during depressive episodes. my inner voice struggles to find words, and when i do find them, my inner critic shoots them down before i can utter them or commit them to the page. my memory suffers as well. but i've found at least for me they come back as the episode lifts |
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Aug 29, 2022 21:44
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You're not rambling Papps and I appreciate you posting your experience even if it is different than mine. In fact I look forward to your posts in this thread. And Allie hopefully relief comes soon for both of us. |
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Sep 1, 2022 00:38
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Fart Dumbass posted:i should shut up this doesn't matter i don't matter on the off chance you swing by this thread again i should inform you that the opposite of what i posted about happening (someone pm'ing me a pdf of "bad posts") happened. a friendly goon sent me a very kind pm describing their understanding of the situation and expressing hope you were doing okay. people are better than we give them credit for, usually. i hope your brain is doing better. Bright Bart posted:You're not rambling Papps and I appreciate you posting your experience even if it is different than mine. In fact I look forward to your posts in this thread. honestly me too, because me making an effort to manage my poo poo is so much better than trying to bury it.
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Sep 2, 2022 00:42
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I’m honestly doing really well considering I’m probably schizophrenic- should count my blessings
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Sep 2, 2022 03:53
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gratitude in the general sense, paradoxically, gives you more stuff to be grateful for. hosed up i am terribly sorry about the possible schizophrenia though
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Sep 2, 2022 06:18
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it’s all good just having one of those norms where i think if i ask the internet if im dead it’ll say ya it’s time to move on sorry forgot to post ty for the condolences and im messing around too also it’s not that bad. been writing a lot
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Sep 4, 2022 18:58
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I HAVE A WELLBUTRIN PRESCRIPTION AGAIN!!!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0t76ktRwt0
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Sep 6, 2022 16:30
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gently caress you SSRIs! right in your sleepy, deadened emotions rear end!
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Sep 6, 2022 16:30
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teen witch posted:gently caress you SSRIs! right in your sleepy, deadened emotions rear end! Working on getting off them as well. I feel my ADHD diagnosis is a much better fit than BiPolar type 2. |
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Sep 6, 2022 16:56
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Zil posted:Working on getting off them as well. I feel my ADHD diagnosis is a much better fit than BiPolar type 2. I’ve been told that some of my depression symptoms are eerily similar to how ADHD is under diagnosed in women. I do think I have depression, that’s for sure, but I’m not ruling out that I might also have that going on as well.
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Sep 6, 2022 17:17
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Like I told my doctor when I first started ADHD meds, I've always had depression and anxiety but while on adderall I can focus on the strategies I've learned to cope with them in a healthy manner and they actually work. |
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Sep 7, 2022 00:36
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teen witch posted:I HAVE A WELLBUTRIN PRESCRIPTION AGAIN!!!!! Yay! Let us know of it perks you up any. |
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Sep 7, 2022 01:16
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