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Invisible Clergy posted:AITA for very accidentally saying that my ex boyfriends Prince Albert piercing was a “fun novelty” in front of my husband? He’s so angry with me. If talking about wieners is wrong then I don't want to be right
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Aug 20, 2022 09:34
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My mother in law seems to genuinely have no sense of time or how long it will take her to do anything. She also has an obsession with saving time by combining trips to play like her basement or her back porch so she can’t just grab her poo poo and leave. And she takes like an hour to eat. I don’t think it’s a power trip on her part, just that her brain is busted in a very strange way. All of y things contribute to her being chronically late. When she is supposed to meet us somewhere or come over, she asks us what time she should leave her house rather than what time to be there. We have tried telling he we don’t care when she leaves , only what time she gets there, but she doesn’t get it. She lives like three miles away . It shouldn’t be hard.
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Aug 20, 2022 09:42
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The chronically late continue to annoy and baffle me. Like, even with ADHD it's usually like 15 minutes late because managing time is genuinely hard, but it's actually possible to prioritise and even overcompensate by coming early for something we know won't wait. Whilst I am reticent to diagnose a whole swathe of people: In my experience, being chronically late is selfishness and a complete lack of concern or consideration for others. They'll get there when they get there. If that's on time, then all well and good. But if it's not, then the other people should accommodate them. I try not to over think it any more than that,
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Aug 20, 2022 09:44
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I don’t care what anyone’s reason is for being chronically late. They could have the best reason in the world but that’s not going to make it any less annoying for everyone else to deal with. I can only begin to imagine what the friend’s excuse is for showing up to a planned 6 AM trip at 2 PM.
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Aug 20, 2022 09:52
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The chronically late continue to annoy and baffle me. Like, even with ADHD it's usually like 15 minutes late because managing time is genuinely hard, but it's actually possible to prioritise and even overcompensate by coming early for something we know won't wait. i'm sure some of it comes down to not valuing other peoples time. on the other hand I've also learned that there's a lot of conditions that are for lack of a better word invisible that affect people and you never really know what someone has been through to get where they are when you meet them. I mean poo poo take a kid who's poisoned by water in Flint. they'll have lasting deficits in executive function. people suffer from all types of head injuries that cause lasting mild cognitive impairment. personally for me in the past when I've been physically incapacitated from doing some thing I've chosen to take the heat as opposed to actually admitting what's physically wrong with me that's preventing me from helping someone or allowing me to fulfill an obligation. in retrospect it's really stupid but toxic masculinity means our culture doesn't really have a lot of role models for males to admit or exhibit weakness. we have a lot of role models of assholes who get the job done. so I think personally for me I didn't have a template for saying hey I'd really like to show up for this or help out with this but I feel like I'm giving birth through my eyeball. I agree that people who are late to or ghost on important group events can really grind the gears. as someone who finds himself grinding those gears quite frequently I don't have a great solution for it. I try to be more open about it but not being able to do some thing you want to do with friends sucks either way.
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Aug 20, 2022 09:52
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Pomme de Terror posted:AITA for cutting off support to my daughter? Real talk, I cannot imagine not telling your kids why you got a divorce unless it was like "well your mother and I were actually KGB spies embedded into Omaha to gather intel and while the cold war is over, we'd like to not be murdered but we thiiiink its safe to no longer remain in cover together"
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Aug 20, 2022 09:57
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:Thank you for clarifying via PM after the question was asked in the thread, but I'm still not clear on what the standard is here. Do reports automatically trigger a probation, or was there a rule broken? What was the content that should be avoided in the future? Reports don’t always trigger a probation, as suffice to say, sometimes goons are insanely petty. Furthermore, a report indicated that you’ve done this type of posting before, and I’m quoting verbatim: "AWDY is looking to start poo poo again, they always have to get in digs like this they know will derail things." Now, as an IK I don’t see reports (if it’s something I need to act on, a mod informs me), nor do I really keep a dossier on all goons, because I enjoy maintaining some semblance of good mental health and having space away from SA. There are some goons that do make me dread opening up a thread, but you aren’t one of them. I have no notice of repeated behavior from you, but like, I wasn’t really noticing so I could be wrong. In this case, I felt the post was just a hair too snippy, but enough to merit just a sixer. I don’t dig personal attacks here against other goons that seem unnecessary. Yea, ACAB, I am fully with you on that for reasons pretty well established, but this seemed like…do we gotta? Sometimes we quietly acknowledge “ah what a choice for a seventeen year old to make” and move on with our lives. Apologies for any delay I had in answering your PMs or post here as were all on different timezones, and I’d rather be late on responding with a bit more care than shoot from the hip. This wasn’t an instance that merited shooting from the hip. E: to not get a sixer for a rule that isn’t there, just be a bit nicer. Just a little bit teen witch fucked around with this message at 09:59 on Aug 20, 2022 |
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Aug 20, 2022 09:57
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Elentor posted:I don't get how this keeps happening, it's always the exact same story. Even if you don't care about learning from others' mistakes it should be fairly easy to intuit what's going to happen. But on the other hand the OP is going to get to gently caress someone else without having to bust up the relationship they're otherwise comfy in so they're not bothering to think any further than Dick Get Wet.
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Aug 20, 2022 09:59
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The chronically late continue to annoy and baffle me. Like, even with ADHD it's usually like 15 minutes late because managing time is genuinely hard, but it's actually possible to prioritise and even overcompensate by coming early for something we know won't wait. The chronically late people I know are easily distracted - they'll note that they're getting close to time, but catch just one thing they need to do before turning off their computer/getting in the shower/locking up the house/etc. Then they'll find One More Thing they have to do after that, and after that, and after that until they're leaving the house two hours late.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:01
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Mx. posted:AITA for leaving my friend stranded and going on a vacation with another friend after I repeatedly warned her not to be late ? quote:... The drama. Hannah finally called me at 2 pm. Yes, 2 pm, about 8 hrs after we agreed to leave... Jesus. There's no way being 8 goddamn hours late is anything other than deliberate and malicious on her part. Just no way. I have professionally diagnosed ADHD and the latest I've ever been was like 20 minutes and I felt like poo poo because of it.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:08
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Narcissism also comes to mind because narcissists can be some of the must infuriatingly wishy-washy people alive- they'll never commit to a time or schedule for any action beyond 'when I feel like it' dressed up in sometimes different words, and it will never be when you're ready, you always have to hurry up and wait, go at their convenience. They can of course always be on time with someone they know will not wait for them, though I bet they overcompensate in a panic because they never learned how to actually manage their time, hence getting up at 8am for a flight at 8pm. And even when you force them to commit to a time they'll try to wiggle out of it at the last minute, because they see any concession to someone else as anathema. Same as other personal boundaries and considerations.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:17
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Runcible Cat posted:But on the other hand the OP is going to get to gently caress someone else without having to bust up the relationship they're otherwise comfy in so they're not bothering to think any further than Dick Get Wet. When I worked as an escort I saw this happen in every stage of the way, and the worst is hearing a guy say "I think I'm gonna suggest to my wife to open up the relationship" and all I can think and say is ooohh no no no, no no. Listen, go back to your wife, don't do this. For whatever reason, often times because they actually wanted to see escorts as an official part of their lives, this always ended the same way months/years later if they talked to me. I've tried being subtle, I've tried being blunt about how it's gonna end, there is basically no way around it.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:19
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AreWeDrunkYet posted:Thank you for clarifying via PM after the question was asked in the thread, but I'm still not clear on what the standard is here. Do reports automatically trigger a probation, or was there a rule broken? What was the content that should be avoided in the future? AITA the rear end in a top hat for dragging out a soapbox to hop on to and obnoxiously endlessly drag out a derail, and then proceed to hop onto another soapbox to endlessly yammering on about how I got probated for the derail?
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Aug 20, 2022 10:21
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Ghost Leviathan posted:I'm still pretty sure it's a narcissist thing and they absolutely cannot turn down the power trip of making people wait for them, but literal hours gets to a dangerous degree. All chronically late people are not the same. My sister could be days late. She was not at all narcissistic, but she had severe ADHD and anxiety about timekeeping. Reminders are only useful if they don't send you into a panic (until a butterfly comes along). Oh dear me fucked around with this message at 10:40 on Aug 20, 2022 |
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Aug 20, 2022 10:37
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The only thing that sets this one apart from most other chronically late stories is that she’s been fired from jobs in the past due to it. Usually we see someone that’s late to social stuff but somehow gets to work on time. That’s so much worse because you know they can do it.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:52
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Pope Corky the IX posted:The only thing that sets this one apart from most other chronically late stories is that she’s been fired from jobs in the past due to it. Usually we see someone that’s late to social stuff but somehow gets to work on time. That’s so much worse because you know they can do it. Not just fired, but essentially blackballed from her field of work as a consequence. Ghost Leviathan posted:Narcissism also comes to mind because narcissists can be some of the must infuriatingly wishy-washy people alive- they'll never commit to a time or schedule for any action beyond 'when I feel like it' dressed up in sometimes different words, and it will never be when you're ready, you always have to hurry up and wait, go at their convenience. They can of course always be on time with someone they know will not wait for them, though I bet they overcompensate in a panic because they never learned how to actually manage their time, hence getting up at 8am for a flight at 8pm. And even when you force them to commit to a time they'll try to wiggle out of it at the last minute, because they see any concession to someone else as anathema. Same as other personal boundaries and considerations. My ex-SIL is exactly like this, and in her case, it's because she viewed her in-laws (i.e., me, and my mum) as being "beneath" her. Barring any mental health issues, like in the example outlined by Oh dear me a couple of posts above, it honestly feels like a matter of respect. If the person can't be arsed enough to be there on time, as agreed - in writing with consequences for lateness outlined - then this friend can go get hosed.
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Aug 20, 2022 10:59
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Invisible Clergy posted:AITA for telling my husband I’ll dispose of my feminine products when he wipes better This man is in a relationship with a woman, has impregnated that woman, most likely through penetrative intercourse, so we can probably assume he's not gay. Ergo, why would she expect him to wipe his arse at all? YTA. Stop holding men to unrealistic double standards.
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Aug 20, 2022 11:01
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Barudak posted:Real talk, I cannot imagine not telling your kids why you got a divorce unless it was like "well your mother and I were actually KGB spies embedded into Omaha to gather intel and while the cold war is over, we'd like to not be murdered but we thiiiink its safe to no longer remain in cover together" Honestly? Because the breakdown of your intimate relationship with your spouse is an adult issue that isnt necessarily something your (minor) children need to know or are likely to fully understand. And even if there is adultery, that person cheated on their spouse, not on their children, and telling the children to make sure they know who to blame is going to damage their relationship with a parent to no benefit for anyone. Its hurting the children in order to exact revenge on your spouse which... Me, I dont think thats ideal. All the kids really need to know is that "Sometimes couples dont love each other any more and dont want to be married. Its sad, but everyone will be happier this way in the long run. And that doesnt mean either of us love you any less.". Now obviously there are exceptions. Like in the case of the parent being blamed for the breakup by their children which sparked this particular discussion, both parents should have been sitting them down and emphasizing that whatever happened between the parents it was between them, not the kids, and that they are being unfair to their father. Of course that depends on all the adults involved acting like adults with the kids best interests at heart.
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Aug 20, 2022 11:08
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I remember when I was 17, I came home from finishing my last high school exam and asked my dad where mum was, and he goes "probably out with her boyfriend". He's a weird dude so I wasnt sure if it was a joke, so I said "oh.. ok" and went to my room Turns out they'd had an agreement not to tell me they were getting a divorce until my exams were over and I guess that was his fragile male brain being like "aha, time's up sucka, time for another Classic Dad moment"
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Aug 20, 2022 11:21
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boofhead posted:I remember when I was 17, I came home from finishing my last high school exam and asked my dad where mum was, and he goes "probably out with her boyfriend". He's a weird dude so I wasnt sure if it was a joke, so I said "oh.. ok" and went to my room Cucked By Dad 
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Aug 20, 2022 11:25
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Parentingmogged by my own father
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Aug 20, 2022 11:27
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Ghost Leviathan posted:The chronically late continue to annoy and baffle me. Like, even with ADHD it's usually like 15 minutes late because managing time is genuinely hard, but it's actually possible to prioritise and even overcompensate by coming early for something we know won't wait. Yeah I grew up in a massively, chronically late culture and I have ADHD. I'm fairly sympathetic to people who are always just a couple minutes late. I typically call or text if it's going to be longer than 15 minutes although that depends on the event. NTA because they didn't hear from the late friend. If she'd called them at 6:04 and said she was running late and she'd be there by 6:30, then there should have been enough time in the schedule to accommodate that. 8 hours???? That's straight up "I didn't set an alarm, then had a nice slow morning, then got coffee, then started the drive over, then got lunch, then got to your place what do you mean you left"
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Aug 20, 2022 14:33
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AITA for defending my friend over my gf?quote:My gf is really smart, hard worker,but she really hates smoking. Like hates it so much not a single friend of her’s is a smoker. I’ve jokingly asked her what she would do if everyone on earth became a smoker and she said she would move into the woods and stay single with her dog. I don’t think she’s kidding. First thing she asked me when we started dating was if I was a smoker or did drugs. Problem is I am an ex smoker (stopped in 2018) and most of my friend are smokers. She sits far away from her and makes faces when they come back smoking of cigs. She has pretended to be sick to avoid hanging out with them when they come over because they usually smoke and then come up smelling of smoke.
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Aug 20, 2022 14:41
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AITA for taking my bff to a wedding after bf invites his childrenquote:I (f30) have been with my bf (m33) for a little over a year (16 months). Bf has 4 children (12m, 7f, 7f, 5m) from a previous relationship. I met the children around our 7th month dating after meeting their mom around month 5. Bio mom and I get along well. I understand her concerns of being replaced and assured her I'm not trying to take her place in any way. UPDATE: quote:Finally talked to my bf. I showed up at his house this morning at 5am because the silence was driving me insane (he works overnight and gets off at 4am so I knew he was up) and we discussed the situation and he did apologize. Apparently he spoke to his children's mother and she ripped him a new one. She did text me this morning (I don't think she thought I was up) to try and help his case. Informed me that he didn't really grow up going to social events and the only wedding he's ever been to was family. Apparently they just show up with friends and family (whatever that means). She also thanked me for having common sense and not taking her children to a "loving weed wedding"and if she had known she would've switched weekends with him or came with me herself lol. r/relationships: just let me bring my kids to a pot wedding
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Aug 20, 2022 15:37
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And we've lost our thread title again. We really need to nail that thing in place
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Aug 20, 2022 15:38
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Malachite_Dragon posted:And we've lost our thread title again. We really need to nail that thing in place PCIX and I decided that nah were done with that one, hell neither of us added it.
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Aug 20, 2022 15:51
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It's a nice day for a Weed wedding
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Aug 20, 2022 15:58
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Gnoman posted:The chronically late people I know are easily distracted - they'll note that they're getting close to time, but catch just one thing they need to do before turning off their computer/getting in the shower/locking up the house/etc. Then they'll find One More Thing they have to do after that, and after that, and after that until they're leaving the house two hours late. In the past year or so I've been late every single time to events of a group I'm part of. I feel awful about it and it's one of the things that makes me wonder if I have ADHD or something. Some of it is years of sleep problems that are partly dealt with, some of it is difficulty estimating how long it will take to prepare and to get someplace on unfamiliar roads, and I'm starting to think a substantial part of it is driving in New Jersey. (This is not a slam on New Jersey. It's a densely populated state with a lot of traffic and it seems like every four minutes you have to move into another lane and merge onto another busy highway, and New Jersey drivers are used to this and are very confident, assertive drivers, which I am not.) eta Mx. posted:AITA for leaving my friend stranded and going on a vacation with another friend after I repeatedly warned her not to be late ?
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Aug 20, 2022 16:03
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Well we have a perfectly good thread title right here:Captain Hygiene posted:It's a nice day for a
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Aug 20, 2022 16:04
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DemoneeHo posted:Well we have a perfectly good thread title right here: Truth, and I don't like the "only directly from stories" thing cos if that were the case we'd never have had the hot tub divorce machine
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Aug 20, 2022 16:10
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Pigsfeet on Rye posted:Stacey's mom has got it going on If by "it" you mean grooming a minor, then yes she does "It" is abuse 
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Aug 20, 2022 16:20
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Hughlander posted:AITA for taking my bff to a wedding after bf invites his children An impressive level of doing absolutely the wrong thing at every single stage.
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Aug 20, 2022 16:21
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BrigadierSensible posted:other types of fun on a cruise ship than eating the 'fancy food'. 
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Aug 20, 2022 16:29
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fishing with the fam posted:An impressive level of doing absolutely the wrong thing at every single stage. I'm shocked and pleased that she had the clearsightedness and self-respect to break up with him, I'm used to these stories just being an exercise in giving endless chances to a garbage person forever.
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Aug 20, 2022 17:34
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Marks Lemonism posted:I'm shocked and pleased that she had the clearsightedness and self-respect to break up with him, I'm used to these stories just being an exercise in giving endless chances to a garbage person forever. The spine of steel is part of the reason I posted it.
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Aug 20, 2022 17:35
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boofhead posted:Parentingmogged by my own father If this wasn't a Chuck Tingle novel already it certainly will be now
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Aug 20, 2022 18:00
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WIBTA if i reported a coworker with little evidence?quote:I (26f) work as playground staff at a K-5 school. Wednesday was our first day back and it's been too hot here for the kids to go outside. So for the first week of school we've had indoor recess. I'm the unofficial head of recess as I've been here the longest so I train all the new staff with how I run things.
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Aug 20, 2022 18:16
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Traxus IV posted:Truth, and I don't like the "only directly from stories" thing cos if that were the case we'd never have had the hot tub divorce machine Thank you for your valuable input and it was “piss tub divorce machine”
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Aug 20, 2022 18:18
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I'll give the OP the 'kids' videos' thing, but just ell oh ell at the rest of their petty tyrant BS.
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Aug 20, 2022 18:19
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Thank you for your valuable input and it was “piss tub divorce machine” which story was that from? i can't believe i missed one
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