r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

evilweasel: Aug 24, 2002

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

lol, if they're travelling internationally for a toy (and multiple times a month even without the toy) and the family owns property in another country, YTA regardless of the details. first world problems and then some.

you take away a toddler's security toy on purpose like that, you need to go get it back

it's not a toy, toddlers get really attached to specific things that make them feel safe (it's called a transitional object) and the dad deliberately got rid of it, he's lucky he can undo it for the price of an international plane ticket.

the wife's absolutely in the right regardless of their finances

# ? Aug 22, 2022 13:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 4, 2024 23:09

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight?

quote:

I'm 27 years old and have a girlfriend of 6 years who I live with. When we first got together she had an athletic body, that all changed the past couple years when she got promoted and started working longer hours. She has started smoking weed every night claiming that it helped her relax after a hard days work. She also started eating like poo poo. She's about 19lbs heavier than when we first met and on her 5'2 frame it definitely shows. After ignoring my subtle hints for the last year, I finally sat her down last month and said enough is enough. She needs to make an effort to get healthy. She agreed that and asked me to help since i'm in great shape myself.

I did everything to support her in losing weight. I paid for an expensive supplement program, I woke up early in the morning and prepared her healthy lunches she could take to work, and when she got home from work I had a healthy dinner prepared on the table. I added her to my gym plan and even bought her a road bicycle.

Today I borrowed her car and found fast food wrappers everywhere along with receipts of recent purchases. This led me to check our joint bank account and I saw she's been picking up fast food everyday since we've had that discussion about her getting healthy. Not only that she also was buying fast food during work, suggesting that she's been throwing away the meals I have prepared. This really pissed me off.

I confronted her and she started crying and took accountability for her lack of discipline. I was telling my girlfriends sister about this ordeal and she said I was being controlling and an rear end in a top hat. But from my perspective I simply just want her to be healthy. I think I went above and beyond in my approach in how I dealt with this. Being 5'2 and gaining 19lbs of fat rapidly and she's only getting heavier. She's setting herself up for heart disease, diabetes, and could cause issues to her knees. Also, we don't even have kids yet so to be gaining this type of weight so rapidly is definitely concerning to me for her health

after spending a year making subtle digs about my gf's weight, i finally sat her down last month and really attacked her. reddit, why won't she listen to me? doesn't she understand that her only value is in giving me boners?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 13:40

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Haschel Cedricson posted:

The quincea�era story reminds me of when my daughter came home from kindergarten telling us that she had learned about Dia de los Muertos from her classmates and she wanted to make an altar too with pictures of my grandma, my great-aunt, my parents' dog, and our cat. I was uncomfortable with this because we are white as hell and I know that the ofrenda is for people and not pets.

So we reached out to her Spanish teacher and some Hispanic friends and they thought it was a good idea and an opportunity to teach about grief, and we got tips on how to do it in a way that was respectful and not a grotesque mockery of tradition.

Anyway, that girl absolutely deserves her quincea�era.

After Coco came out this was pretty popular amongst grade school kids, at least in our circles

# ? Aug 22, 2022 14:43

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Kitfox88 posted:

AITA for refusing to not get my daughter the new phone that she wanted because of something she said about her stepmom in her diary?

Maybe Jake's girlfriend should take her Naz out of this kid's business.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 14:58

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Crocobile posted:

Sorry to double post but this one’s kinda fun!

AITA for refusing to cater to my girlfriend’s food preferences?

I am loling that this guy just wants to make hamburgers and sloppy joes and chili but I’m inclined to judge in his favor. In the comments he specifies that he works about 30h/week to her 45-50, and he handles all the chores except laundry. I don’t quite understand though why “eating healthy” means eating the same thing everyday except lack of imagination.

He should look up orthorexia and see if she hits any more of the warning signs. In the meantime if he wants to compromise he should make double batches of healthy food on days he cooks that and she can have leftovers on days he wants to eat something heavier.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:06

sudonim: Oct 6, 2005

Mistayke posted:

I never understood "mine" and "yours" for finances in a marriage. I'm married 32 years to a great woman, and we have a single joint bank account. All my pay goes into that as well as my wife's.

Sorry to quite from forever ago but I see this sentiment come up a lot and wanted to provide a counterpoint.

The was a story here where a woman had no reason to distrust her husband but he suddenly got in his head that his wife should become a SAHM and when she wouldn't he left and drained their shared accounts. If this was her only money she would have had that much harder a time getting judicial recourse in a hosed up situation.

This is an example of why I want my wife to have her own money (we do have shared assets too) because I want her to be financially protected from everyone, even me. I love and trust my wife and would never willingly harm her but who knows, maybe I'll get Phineas Gage'd tomorrow and turn into a raging rear end in a top hat who's finacially controlling. If she has her own money she's safe no matter what.

There's other reasons I like a mix of shared and single assets but that's the biggest one.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:16

woke kaczynski: Jan 23, 2015; How do you do, fellow antifa?; Fun Shoe

sudonim posted:

Sorry to quite from forever ago but I see this sentiment come up a lot and wanted to provide a counterpoint.

The was a story here where a woman had no reason to distrust her husband but he suddenly got in his head that his wife should become a SAHM and when she wouldn't he left and drained their shared accounts. If this was her only money she would have had that much harder a time getting judicial recourse in a hosed up situation.

This is an example of why I want my wife to have her own money (we do have shared assets too) because I want her to be financially protected from everyone, even me. I love and trust my wife and would never willingly harm her but who knows, maybe I'll get Phineas Gage'd tomorrow and turn into a raging rear end in a top hat who's finacially controlling. If she has her own money she's safe no matter what.

There's other reasons I like a mix of shared and single assets but that's the biggest one.

Yup, I've seen enough people I know get financially abused (and one case where, as far as I know, one partner in a previously fairly healthy relationship had some sort of manic break and spent over $10k of their shared money in one night) that I will always have my own personal account no matter what.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:20

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Yeah, we do the three account setup too. One for me, one for her, and one account we both pay into and pay all the shared bills out of. As long as we both keep the joint account fed we don't have to monitor each other's spending

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:21

TehRedWheelbarrow: Mar 16, 2011; Fan of Britches

my wife is a stay at home, but i still make sure to do the 3 accounts thing there and try to make sure she has enough to not have to ask me for random stuff, I mean we still talk about bigger things but i want her to have her own money so she isnt just dealing with me looking at giant credit card bills and being like all micromanager about stuff.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:25

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

AITA for not letting my sister use our mum's name as her daughter's middle name?

quote:

So I'm currently 25 and married but since I was 14, I have wanted to name my future daughter by my mums name to honour my mum. My sister had already stolen my wedding thunder the year before where she randomly decided to marry her boyfriend of 2 months 2 weeks before my ceremony which I had planned 6 months prior. When this happened, I was not allowed to say anything but people did not help me with wedding plans because they were focused on her so much.

Now they wanted to steal my baby's name and make it their daughter's middle name. My mum told them that I loved the name and had "reserved" it for my child. When she told me that she was going to use it as a middle name anyway and that she hoped it was ok, I told her that it was not ok and that it didn't even honour the name enough. If she wanted to take the name it had to be a first name. In our culture we don't even have middle names so it felt very petty and like she was continuously competing with me and obviously did not like the name enough. She was very annoyed with me that I was being sensitive about a name but she even chose a similar engagement ring to mine and stole so many wedding ideas and songs of mine. It got to a point where enough was enough.

Yesterday, she made a joke about if I have only boys she can finally "steal" the name and then laughed about it. It really upset my husband.

Edit: I feel I need to highlight some things. I did not mind her marrying 2 weeks before me, but it was intentionally set on that date to be before me because of our age difference and as a result I had to run around on my own wedding day and had 0 help from family. She has ever since become very competitive with comparing notes and projecting insecurities onto me. I have been very supportive of her wedding and her baby and have been part of the journey and offer support by organising baby showers, bridal showers etc while taking care of my own things. I realise I don't own a name, but the fact that she was more inclined to use it when my mum told her it meant a lot to me, says that she is overly competitive. If she liked the name so much to use it on her daughter as a first name, it would mean she just loved it that much and I would honestly not have an issue with that. I don't usually have a weird thing with calling dibs and I was not a crazy bridezilla who felt she owned the whole month. It did however mean I was left without help and everyone deserves help and support from family when they are getting married. It got to the point nobody bothered helping me look for dresses but they did with my sister etc.

So use the name? The cousin will have it in the middle, who cares? These people are exhausting.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:33

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

AITA for banning my neice from my grandmother's funeral after what she did at my mother's?

quote:

My grandmother just passed away. We're in the middle of planning her funeral, and I really only have one request. One particular person, we'll call her Shannon, needs to be banned from it. This sounds bad, but hear me out. Shannon is my sister's stepdaughter.

When Shannon was 12, her mother passed away a little under two months before mine and my sister's mother. Shannon's father couldn't allow her to go to her mother's funeral because our own mother was severely ill, they had two very young kids, so they would have had to allow her to fly cross-country alone and then risk a kidnapping from the extended relatives.

She was obviously very hurt by this, and their solution to that was to, unbeknownst to anyone else, make her think that my mother's funeral was about her own mother as well. At my mother's funeral, we were blindsided by pictures for not only my mother, but also my niece's mother as well. They'd also gotten ahold of the urn, and had that prominently on display. They basically turned it into a joint funeral, and my niece played it up 100%. She acted like she was the primary mourner, and gave a full 5 minute eulogy to just her mother. It was ridiculously inappropriate and turned what should have been a nice memorial into a drama-filled sideshow. My mother and Shannon's mother had never met, so we had to tell the full story of my sister's husband's first marriage when it should have been just about my mother's life.

I'm not willing to risk any of that again for my grandmother's funeral, so I want her banned. Yes, it was wrong of the adults to enable it to happen. But she HAD to have known better. I could even forgive it if she had ever in the last 10 years apologized at all, but she defends it and acts like she deserved to do it because her father and stepmom (my sister) didn't let her go to her mother's funeral. Yes, it's not good that they didn't, but unfortunately things happen and it doesn't give you a free pass to just do whatever you want to do. Word has spread, and relatives that aren't even my sister and her husband are mad at me over this. They think I need to just let it go and I can't just ban family from a funeral, especially over something they did over a decade ago. Am I really that wrong to still be angry over this?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:54

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for banning my neice from my grandmother's funeral after what she did at my mother's?

quote:
so they would have had to allow her to fly cross-country alone and then risk a kidnapping from the extended relatives

I feel like that's a hell of a thing to just mention in passing on the way to the main story

# ? Aug 22, 2022 15:57

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Captain Hygiene posted:

I feel like that's a hell of a thing to just mention in passing on the way to the main story

yeah I was going to bold it but it feels better when you have to double-take in the normal text.

AITA for ruining a prank because I cant smell

quote:

I (20f) was born without a sense of smell. No clue why since doctors don't know why but its never bothered me. The only time its really brought up is when someone who knows asks me to "smell this" and i have to remind them I cant smell or when I was younger and my parents were concerned with me moving out since I wouldn't be able to smell any hazards.

The other day my boyfriend was over and after stepping into my room started gagging then vomiting. He said it smelled like rotting fish so I searched and found a fish wrapped in newspaper under my bed. I was mainly confused then angry. Today I found out that my friends boyfriend was the one who put it there because I was talking about it with them and her bf says he was the one who did it and that I should of told him I cant smell since I ruined the prank. I don't even know him that well, I didn't find it funny and its not even a good harmless prank so I told him exactly that. He didn't take it well and left to sulk. My friend even agrees with me but a few family members seem to think Im an rear end in a top hat for being so blunt with him over a stupid prank. AITA?

gently caress prank culture.

You ruined a tasty biohazard because you can't smell it!

gently caress just imagine if it had leaked into carpet or brought ants.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:05

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

There's gotta be a point at which rotting fish is hitting more than just the nose.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:09

Lottery of Babylon: Apr 25, 2012; STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for ruining a prank because I cant smell

Yes, OP, you are the rear end in a top hat for being born without a sense of smell, which you did maliciously as an rear end in a top hat-fetus to hurt your future friend.

gently caress prank culture, but also gently caress all these OPs asking stupid questions about "ruining" pranks where they couldn't possibly be the rear end in a top hat. Remember the one where the friend stole OP's phone as a prank, and the OP (thinking it was just lost and not larcenypranked) used a find-my-phone app to locate it, and then wanted to know if they were the rear end in a top hat for taking normal sensible actions in response to something they didn't and couldn't know was a prank?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:12

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Solenna posted:

He should look up orthorexia and see if she hits any more of the warning signs. In the meantime if he wants to compromise he should make double batches of healthy food on days he cooks that and she can have leftovers on days he wants to eat something heavier.

In the comments they tease out a few more details from OP, mostly that she has some sort of anxiety that she refuses to get treatment, and that her whole family behaves like this.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:13

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Bonster posted:

AITA for not letting my sister use our mum's name as her daughter's middle name?

So use the name? The cousin will have it in the middle, who cares? These people are exhausting.

AITA for refusing to help my brother after he borrowed �200k from my husband without telling me first?

quote:

My brother borrowed �200k from my husband 2 years ago. I only recently found out because neither one of them thought this was something I should know about at the time. The only reason my brother told me is because he knows he won�t be able to pay him back and is poo poo scared now. He�s been avoiding my husband for the last 4 months and only agreed to have lunch with me because he�s out of the country at the moment.

He wants me to talk to my husband on his behalf but I refused to because I was so upset that neither one of them told me about the money 2 years ago. I did feel bad because he was close to tears but I continued to refuse.

I know he�s just desperate and angry but he called me a horrible sister and said it would be my fault if something happened to him. He told our parents about the situation who also think I should speak to my husband on his behalf. I told them I didn�t think my husband would listen to me but my parents are insisting I need to at least try.

AITA for refusing to help?

Talk about missing missing reasons...

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:16

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Is her husband in the mafia or something?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:18

fishing with the fam: Feb 29, 2008; Durr

AITA for not caring that my brother isn't a fan of shallow graves?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:19

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Brawnfire posted:

There's gotta be a point at which rotting fish is hitting more than just the nose.

You mean like the prankster, or something else?

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:23

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for banning my neice from my grandmother's funeral after what she did at my mother's?

quote:

Yta, first of all the niece wasn't responsible at your mother's funeral and second, do you think the same thing will happen again like suppose she will kill her father and do a joint funeral and then make it all about herself. Yta grow up.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:23

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Solenna posted:

He should look up orthorexia and see if she hits any more of the warning signs. In the meantime if he wants to compromise he should make double batches of healthy food on days he cooks that and she can have leftovers on days he wants to eat something heavier.

He should butt out of her eating habits.

If she originally was athletic and food conscious she knows what needs to be done to get back into shape. For whatever reason she doesn�t want to do that anymore and nothing he does will change that.

Instead he needs to come to her from a place of concern mentioning her poor eating habits and dope-smoking and sitting around. Perhaps it is depression or some other mental issue that is affecting her and he can offer support without attacking her weight and/or her eating habits.

The fact that she�s hiding it is an indicator of a rift between them that needs to be addressed.

Forcing an alcoholic to drink non-alcohol drinks means the alcoholic will get booze elsewhere. Forcing a depressed person to �be happy!� means the depressed person gets good at hiding it. Unless the underlying cause gets treated there will be lies, deceit and schism.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:29

Upgrade: Jun 19, 2021

Every part of that story is insane wtf

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:36

fishing with the fam: Feb 29, 2008; Durr

Agrikk posted:

He should butt out of her eating habits.

If she originally was athletic and food conscious she knows what needs to be done to get back into shape. For whatever reason she doesn�t want to do that anymore and nothing he does will change that.

Instead he needs to come to her from a place of concern mentioning her poor eating habits and dope-smoking and sitting around. Perhaps it is depression or some other mental issue that is affecting her and he can offer support without attacking her weight and/or her eating habits.

The fact that she�s hiding it is an indicator of a rift between them that needs to be addressed.

Forcing an alcoholic to drink non-alcohol drinks means the alcoholic will get booze elsewhere. Forcing a depressed person to �be happy!� means the depressed person gets good at hiding it. Unless the underlying cause gets treated there will be lies, deceit and schism.

You're conflating two different stories.

Edit:
I think between these two.

Crocobile posted:

AITA for refusing to cater to my girlfriend�s food preferences?

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight?

fishing with the fam fucked around with this message at 16:39 on Aug 22, 2022

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:37

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

fishing with the fam posted:

You're conflating two different stories.

Edit:
I think between these two.

Yep! Quoted the wrong post.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:43

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

fishing with the fam posted:

You're conflating two different stories.

Edit:
I think between these two.

I think all four of them will have a better time if they did a swap.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:44

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight?

after spending a year making subtle digs about my gf's weight, i finally sat her down last month and really attacked her. reddit, why won't she listen to me? doesn't she understand that her only value is in giving me boners?

jesus loving christ. 20 loving pounds. The only time this ever makes sense is if its drastically sudden or actually becoming unhealthy, and even then there are ways you loving address it, not like this fucker.

like yeah if your partner gains 100lbs or something that's worthy of a "hey what's going on, are you ok? how can i help" type conversation. but god drat these people

# ? Aug 22, 2022 16:47

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

WoodrowSkillson posted:

jesus loving christ. 20 loving pounds. The only time this ever makes sense is if its drastically sudden or actually becoming unhealthy, and even then there are ways you loving address it, not like this fucker.

like yeah if your partner gains 100lbs or something that's worthy of a "hey what's going on, are you ok? how can i help" type conversation. but god drat these people

20 pounds over the course of at least 6 years, at that. That's practically just what you'd gain normally anyway over that time period if you're not trying to maintain weight. Especially since they're both going into their 30s and their metabolisms are going to have started slowing down.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 17:05

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

Found a nice one from r/relationship_advice

i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, i�m feeling conflicted.

quote:

I (23m) got a letter sent to my work 2 days ago and when i opened it when i got home, i discovered it�s from my dad who i haven�t had contact with in 5 years.

For added context: my mom walked out on us when i was 2 years old and i have never seen her since (this isn�t about her though). Because my dad had to raise me on his own, we ended up in a bad financial state. He was a good dad for years until he injured his back at work when I was 11 and things spiralled down hill from there as we had no health insurance and he had to keep working, so he turned to alcohol to self medicate.

After that I had to basically raise myself since he was always too drunk or crashed out asleep and while he never hit me or anything, there were times when he�d say really hurtful and cruel things to me. I ended up acting out a lot in my teen years (mostly shoplifting and vandalism) and it was only thanks to an intervention from some teaching staff at my school that I got myself together and was able to graduate. I moved away right after that and was so angry and bitter that I cut contact with my dad completely.

Now from what I�ve found out from this letter, he�s doing a lot better. Turns out me leaving was kind of a wake-up call for him and he got sober and a free clinic has opened up in our town and he�s getting at least some kind of treatment for his back. He also told me that he loved me and was proud of me, and that he was sorry for being an awful father and that he�d really like a chance to reconnect on my terms. I got in touch with an old family friend on Facebook to corroborate this and they told me it�s true and that he�s sober.

My boyfriend thinks it would be a good idea to at least establish contact and hear him out before deciding whether or not I want to have him in my life, but I�m conflicted in case it�s just words and I get let down by him again.

Any advice?

TLDR: my alcoholic father reached out to me after 5 years NC asking for a chance to be in my life, but I�m conflicted. Any advice?

UPDATE: i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, I�m feeling conflicted.

quote:

So after thinking on everything that�s happened for a week or two, I did decide that I wanted to establish contact with my dad.

I called the phone number he left at the bottom of his letter and luckily he was at home so I didn�t have to leave an awkward voicemail. Hearing his voice was surreal and he seemed relieved and genuinely happy that I was calling, by the end of the conversation I�m pretty sure we were both crying and I agreed to meet him at a neutral location in my hometown just to see how he was.

My boyfriend and I drove up to my hometown on Thursday and we�re staying at a hotel and on Friday I met up with my dad at one of the diners while my boyfriend remained at the hotel. I don�t remember the last time he looked this healthy and clean, he seemed to be in really good shape. Things were so awkward at first while we were ordering coffee and I filled him in on where I was in my life and how I�d been doing, and I asked him how he was.

Eventually he just came right out with his apology for how he treated me growing up and it was one of the most genuine apologies I�ve ever heard. No excuses, no self pity, no trying to blame me or my mom. He simply took responsibility for everything and apologised. He told me that after I left town, all he wanted to do was get sober and try and earn my forgiveness. That me leaving was his wake up call. I was honest and told him it would take some time, but that I was willing to forgive him since it really seemed like he was being honest and that I thought it would probably help me heal too. I also told him that I was proud of him for getting sober and I could see him trying not to cry. When I had to go, I told him that I would like to call him and keep in contact when I go back to the city and he thanked me and promised he wouldn�t mess up this opportunity to be a dad again.

I honestly feel so much lighter now after seeing him and knowing that he is really sorry for everything and that�s he�s done well for himself. We�re still a long way off from having any normal father/son relationship, but it�s something I can see in the future if things go as well as our meeting did.

TLDR: met up with my dad in my hometown, he apologised and showed change and we�re now establishing steady contact.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 17:23

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Crocobile posted:

AITA for embarassing my husband?

UPDATE:

quote:

Not 100% sure how this update thing works - or if any of you will see this. But I'm kind of overwhelmed by the response this got. To address some recurring remarks - my sister is actually older than me, but, in response to this post - she did share with me a few instances in which my husband made her uncomfortable. I'm floored.If you'd told me a year ago that this is where I'd be - I wouldn't have believed it. Out of love and respect for someone I've spent almost a decade with, I won't go into deep specifics. But I can reflect on the past few months and see a lot of signs of emotional abuse, and perhaps even though I don't want to admit it, before then.For everyone suggesting couple's counseling - I appreciate it. I'm just not sure I'll ever be able to forgive someone who's embarassed me, and more importantly, made my sister feel unsafe. I contacted a divorce attorney today.

Another thread winner!

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:09

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for clashing with BIL over lack of funeral plans after my sister died of cancer.

quote:

Sorry if this isn't allowed here, please remove if not.

My sister unfortunately died of cancer. She has been battling for much of her life, with cancer going into remission several times but came back bad and died at 35. I am 24. I was super close with my sister. She was a christian (catholic), even if she didn't go back to church after getting cancer i knew she believed deep down and she told me she wanted to get back to the church several times.

Unfortunately we did not get along with her husband at all. He wanted no kids (breaking my parents heart). Cut out her parents and refused to let them contact her when she was dying due to prior arguements over her care. My parents wanted her to move back home and they would take care of her while he wanted her to live at his house still without her parents or my care.

Well, now we are all clashing over the funeral. He has completely cut us out of the planning and when we offered help he said no. We later find out there will be no funeral. Just a brief ceremony to scatter ashes. He refused too let us see her body one last time to say goodbye, is refusing to allow a catholic funeral, and is refusing us to have any planning at all.

I was really mad on my behalf and parents behalf and sent him a pretty heated message saying he was a terrible person and he was being super selfish. He sent a short message in return saying, feel free to come to the ceremony, but delete my number after. I felt super shocked and hurt. My parents have also been unable to reason with him.

AITA?

OP continues to be an rear end in a top hat in comments.

quote:

She was always in contact with my parents and I. Her husband was the one who was never in contact.

However to be honest she did give her husband full planning rights for the funeral and burial so i assume they discussed it and made a plan and he just lied about it or something

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:11

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Captain Hygiene posted:

You mean like the prankster, or something else?

I just imagine the smell evolving beyond, into something tangible, difficult to breathe, that would trip the gag reflex even if taken in through an unsmelling nose. The kinda smell you taste. The kind that leaves a film.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:20

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for clashing with BIL over lack of funeral plans after my sister died of cancer.

OP continues to be an rear end in a top hat in comments.

BIL did what my family should've done when my dad died and wanted to be buried in his hometown 500 miles away. Instead we ended up with two loving funerals within two days, my sister screaming at my aunts, and a dinner of random food grabbed from the Sheetz across the street from our hotel.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:24

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Foo Diddley posted:

r/relationships: That collar was mine. There is no dog.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:25

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for clashing with BIL over lack of funeral plans after my sister died of cancer.

OP continues to be an rear end in a top hat in comments.

IANA Catholic, but I had the impression you could ask your local church to arrange a special mass for someone who's died? Unless pop culture lied to me, that seems a reasonable way for the family to do their own thing with their own spiritual advisor without even bothering the husband about it. Or is it more about forcing the husband to acknowledge/witness their performative grief?

...Nvm, just answered my own question.

wheatpuppy fucked around with this message at 18:37 on Aug 22, 2022

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:28

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

wheatpuppy posted:

IANA Catholic, but I had the impression you could ask your local church to arrange a special mass for someone who's died? Unless pop culture ahs lied to me, that seems a reasonable way for the family to do their own thing with their own spiritual advisor without even bothering the husband about it. Or is it more about forcing the husband to acknowledge/witness their performative grief?

...Nvm, just answered my own question.

I would think it's more about the poster and their family still living in denial pretending this woman was ever "going back to the church". With a kicker of blaming her husband for her not doing so.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:30

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Crocobile posted:

Found a nice one from r/relationship_advice

i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, i�m feeling conflicted.

UPDATE: i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, I�m feeling conflicted.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:32

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Crocobile posted:

Found a nice one from r/relationship_advice

i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, i’m feeling conflicted.

UPDATE: i just got a letter from my alcoholic dad after 5 years of NC, I’m feeling conflicted.

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:35

Pookah: Aug 21, 2008; 🪶Caw🪶

wheatpuppy posted:

IANA Catholic, but I had the impression you could ask your local church to arrange a special mass for someone who's died? Unless pop culture ahs lied to me, that seems a reasonable way for the family to do their own thing with their own spiritual advisor without even bothering the husband about it. Or is it more about forcing the husband to acknowledge/witness their performative grief?

...Nvm, just answered my own question.

Absolutely, even if you don't go for a whole mass being said for them, it's also a thing in a Catholic mass to have the names of the recently deceased read out and for the priest to ask the congregation to say a prayer for the repose of their soul.
I haven't been to mass in years, but I remember lists of names being read out of - the recently dead, people whose death anniversaries are near, or (this is an Irish thing), people who died a month ago.
Month's mind is, I think a very Irish Catholic death thing.

Also, if you just want to sent a little prayer upwards for the dead, you can always light a candle. Even though I left the church many years ago, I occasionally get the urge to light a candle in her church for my grandma, because she would have been happy that I did :3:

Pookah fucked around with this message at 18:47 on Aug 22, 2022

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 4, 2024 23:09

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for clashing with BIL over lack of funeral plans after my sister died of cancer.

OP continues to be an rear end in a top hat in comments.

Jesus as someone whose wife was diagnosed with cancer a month after our youngest was born (full remission now) I would absolutely go scorched earth on anyone dumb enough to think they have any say in a funeral. gently caress that person so much you obviously weren't loving close with your sister

# ? Aug 22, 2022 18:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

«‹›3575 »