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Jim starts calling Dwight "Ike."
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Aug 24, 2022 21:30
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| # ? Jun 5, 2024 00:15 |
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Jim pranks Dwight 8,000 times.
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Aug 24, 2022 22:14
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Jim folds his latest prank 1000 times to hone it to a razor edge. Jim's latest prank is attacking Dwight with a samurai sword. Jim's prank proves to be a fatal mistake as Dwight's lifetime of Bushido training has prepared him for exactly this eventuality. Jim's smirk splits in half and one side of his face slides off onto the floor.
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Aug 24, 2022 22:27
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Jim invites Chips, Little Champion, Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi), Mose the dog, Beetram, the squeaky shoe machine, the Tiny Jims, all of the Jim and Dwight variants, Rick and Morty, and the Minions to a party celebrating 200 pages of pranks. He forgets to invite the original Office cast.
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Aug 24, 2022 22:40
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While driving to their latest prank, Elon Musk and Jim die in a fiery Tesla explosion after Full Self Driving (tm) causes the car to drive off a cliff in pursuit of a flock of birds it mistook for a group of children. Dwight courageously and strongly speaks at the funeral, while Michael fecklessly wrings his hands over Jim's "complicated past".
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Aug 24, 2022 22:43
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Jim starts a "draw your OC in this outfit" challenge on Twitter, but the outfit is a Minions costume. Dwight doesn't have an OC or follow any of the relevant Twitter circles, but if Dwight did have one boy would Dwight be pranked! This is what's known as a "dark prank" or a prank that is not perceived by Dwight. Between 20-30% of Jim's pranks are estimated to be "dark pranks." Not to be confused with the pranks that are very "dark" in thematic tone.
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Aug 24, 2022 22:58
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Jim takes a long look inward and leaves on a journey to find God. He reads every major religious text and a few of the minor ones. He lives for months in monestaries and temples, praying, meditating, and doing service in the community. He travels the world on a beggar's pocket. After five years he returns from the office, a changed man. He walks with a lighter step and has a clear, enlightened look in his eye. He blesses everyone in the office individually and at last comes to Dwight. "Dwight, after so many thousands of pranks, and now so many years of spiritual growth, well, I guess there's only one thing I can say." "I forgive you." Jim leaves and nobody ever sees him again.
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Aug 24, 2022 23:24
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poisonpill posted:Every day in the mail, Dwight receives a puzzle piece. He resists his initial impulse to throw it away, and instead stores it in his desk drawer. After receiving 48 pieces, he decides to put the puzzle together. It isn't until he clicks the last piece in place that he realizes the picture on the puzzle is a large image of Jim's smirking face, mugging for the camera. This would actually be a pretty great prank
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Aug 25, 2022 00:51
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ilmucche posted:This would actually be a pretty great prank  Some of my favorites are actually these low key ones
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Aug 25, 2022 01:06
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I like the rhythm of a bunch of short ones after a long one. And congratulations to thread! Here's to 200 more seasons of "Jim!"
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Aug 25, 2022 02:16
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Jim petitions to have "An American Workplace" retitled "Jim" after its breakout character. Dwight points out that breaking out from an insane asylum doesn't make Jim a "breakout character." Jim pulls a lever next to his chair and Dwight is suddenly catapulted out the window and over the bough of a tree where a family of cuckoos is nesting. "I've heard of 'one flew over a cuckoo's nest,' but a BALLOON BOY flew over a cuckoo's nest?" Jim guffaws, slapping his knee. Jim is still laughing and slapping his knee when a pair of burly men in white coats storm into the office and bundle Jim into a straitjacket. Dwight is unconscious in a dumpster under the cuckoo tree.
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Aug 25, 2022 02:37
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The Awesomesaurus posted:Jim invites Chips, Little Champion, Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi), Mose the dog, Beetram, the squeaky shoe machine, the Tiny Jims, all of the Jim and Dwight variants, Rick and Morty, and the Minions to a party celebrating 200 pages of pranks. “Who the hell is Gabe?” Jim says, incredulously, after compiling a list of everyone who’s been tangentially related to his pranks. “And what the gently caress is Sabre?” Jim worries that perhaps he suffered some kind of trauma related brain damage before looking around his bachelor pad in the basement of the Halpert House. His racecar bed is right where it belongs, the clown paper is stacked neatly, and the blueprints to Dwight’s house have every hidden entrance clearly marked. Thinking that “Gabe” is some attempt at a prank, Jim scratches the name off his invite list. “Okay, next up is… Brian the boom mic operator? Okay, these things are getting ridiculous!” Jim scratches the name out and takes a swig of maple syrup.
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Aug 25, 2022 03:14
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It's a busy morning at Dunder Mifflin, so Jim encourages Dwight to "Get the lead out". Dwight agrees and removes his lead apron. Seizing his chance, Jim bombards Dwight with lethal doses of gamma radiation.
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Aug 25, 2022 04:01
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I, the poster, am forced to videotape the episode where roy hits jim because I have to go to Holy Thursday Mass.
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Aug 25, 2022 04:12
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poisonpill posted:
Jim stabs through Dwight's Achilles tendon with his car keys. He mouths the words "low key prank" as he mugs for the camera
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Aug 25, 2022 04:57
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Jim splices Dwight's DNA with clown DNA.
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Aug 25, 2022 07:59
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Jim fills the coffee pot with a sopping heap of soil he dug out from in front of the office building. His prank set, he waits in the bathroom ready to spring out with the zinger he's spent the whole night rehearsing: "I've heard of having a cup of mud, but this is ridiculous!" Creed is the first to approach the coffee pot. He pours himself a squelching mug of dirt, crumpled leaves and a few worms. He takes a sip and his eyes light up. "I haven't tasted anything this good since the 60's!" He downs the entire pot before anyone in the office can be pranked. As revenge for ruining his prank, Jim pantses Creed. "Oh, thanks Johnny!" Creed nods at Jim and proceeds to use the urinal he's standing at. Furious, Jim collects the pigs blood he was saving for a prank on Dwight (he was going to inject Dwight's beets with pigs blood and report him to the authorities for unethical experiments creating beet-pig hybrids) and splashes it onto Creed. Unfortunately, Creed had wildly misinterpreted 'Carrie' and is ecstaticly announcing "Timmy just crowned me prom queen of Dunger Miffly!" as he wipes tears from his eyes. Jim wants to file a complaint to HR, but he doesn't remember Creed's name. The Hello Machine fucked around with this message at 09:10 on Aug 25, 2022 |
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Aug 25, 2022 08:59
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Dwight is getting a cup of coffee in the break room when Jim comes in, picks up the coffee pot, and tosses scalding hot coffee in Dwight's face. "I've heard of the Hot Coffee Mod, but Hot Coffee Dwight?" Unbeknownst to Jim, this has been one of the worst weeks of Dwight's life. The normally calm man has been slowly simmering with rage after dealing with multiple crises at home and at work. As Dwight headed in to work today, he intended to treat himself to a coffee and donut, only to find his favorite coffee shop closed due to a fire. Dwight needed this coffee more than anything in the world, just to prove to himself that there's some reason to keep going today. His anger boils to the surface and Dwight punches Jim directly in the face. Jim is knocked to the ground and left dazed as Dwight snaps back to reality and realizes what he did. Dwight apologizes to Jim again and again but Jim is far too stunned to even react. Dwight then heads to Michael's office and offers to turn in his resignation as he doesn't want anyone in the office to feel as if he's a threat to their well-being. The entire time, Jim just sits there, transfixed. Michael initially refuses to fire Dwight so Dwight finally says that he quits, telling Michael to split his paycheck fairly between the rest of the office. "But Dwight, you really don't need to do this, man. Jim's done far worse than this and he's never been disciplined. You don't need to quit. Please." Dwight explains that he broke a rule today and crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed. He struck Jim out of anger, which goes against everything his Sensei at the Golden Dragon Karate School at the strip mall has taught him. Dwight then sadly removes the blackbelt he wears under his work clothes and tells Michael to "destroy it". As Dwight walks out of the office Jim is still just sitting there, utterly confounded at the recent turn of events. A thin streak of blood has now run out of his mouth and down his chin, and his nose is already beginning to swell from the trauma of the punch. But Jim doesn't even notice this, he still can't believe that it was this easy to get rid of Dwight for good. A grin begins to form on his face. As Dwight leaves, he asks Pam to give Jim one final message and hands her a note. Once Dwight's car pulls away a triumphant Jim struts up to Pam and ask for the note. "Dear Jim, Today I broke one of my cardinal rules and harmed an innocent person. I should have never done that and cannot in good conscience remain an employee of Dunder Mifflin. I have decided to focus my full efforts on Schrute Farms and my Bed and Breakfast but, don't worry, you'll never see me again. I will never again force you to waste productive hours of your day. Your free time can once again be devoted to your wife and children, and you can again be the best salesman at Dunder Mifflin. I hope this is exactly what you intended. All the best, Dwight" Jim stares at the note for a moment as the reality of his situation sinks in. "Wait. Wait a minute. Michael, you gotta rehire Dwight. Please, for the love of God rehire him. REHIRE DWIGHT! PLEASE! MICHAEL PLEASE PLEASE REHIRE DWIGHT YOU NEED TO REHIRE HIM RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF -" The documentary crew finishes filming, they've seen enough.
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Aug 25, 2022 12:50
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proof that they're both as broken as the other imo
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Aug 25, 2022 13:17
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Dwight, a man who stands outside of society and is tortured by an unyielding moral code and who exerts the full exhaustive effort of his will every waking moment to try to make the world a better place, a place that makes sense. Jim, who believes that trying to make sense of this fallen, prank filled world is a fundamental act of arrogance and hubris, who has embraced the absurdity of pranks and desperately wants Dwight to understand the futility of his (Dwights) efforts. And of course, Commissioner Michael, who's supposed to be in charge of this mess but is pretty much useless.
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Aug 25, 2022 13:30
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Fell Mood posted:Dwight, a man who stands outside of society and is tortured by an unyielding moral code and who exerts the full exhaustive effort of his will every waking moment to try to make the world a better place, a place that makes sense. Commissioner Michael, craven, feckless and wearing an I'm with Harvey T-Shirt. "I don't care that he's now a hideously deformed super villain, it's his tuuuurrrnnn!"
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Aug 25, 2022 13:35
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jazzyhattrick posted:Commissioner Michael, craven, feckless and wearing an I'm with Harvey T-Shirt. Pam sits at her desk watching the scene in front of her as she idly strokes the leaves of the potted plant on her desk. Plants never lecture her. Plants never spend all her money. If only plants could be her friend. She thinks it's time to reinvent herself, change her name, but nothing too extreme. Maybe Pamela?
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Aug 25, 2022 13:42
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Fell Mood posted:Dwight, a man who stands outside of society and is tortured by an unyielding moral code and who exerts the full exhaustive effort of his will every waking moment to try to make the world a better place, a place that makes sense. lol somehow I thought this was a Dostoyevsky reference and the Batman connection never occurred to me until the followup posts.
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Aug 25, 2022 13:47
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Phyllis is the Harley Quinn of the office, but Jim just had to have Pam didn't he.
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Aug 25, 2022 13:48
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Jim swaps Dwight's wedding ring with an identical wedding ring from some random dude. Jim giggles at the private knowledge that someone else is now sleeping with Dwight's wife.
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Aug 25, 2022 14:16
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Clark is Robin to Dwight’s Batman. Jim kidnaps and tortures him until his mind breaks.
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Aug 25, 2022 14:35
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Jim takes an online quiz to determine "Which Batman Villain Are You?" "Oh, I cannot WAIT to see this. Hey Dwight, let's put a smile on that face! Get it? That's Joker, who I'll definitely get. I'm a man of my word, hee hee hee! Although I guess I could be a bit of a Riddler, huh? With my pranks kind of being like riddles? Yeah I could see that. After all, I'm constantly outsmarting you! This'll be great, I can't wait to post the results on my facebook page!" Jim happily completes the quiz, then grows deathly silent. He mutters "fuckin thing must be broken" before Dwight asks who he got. "Uhhhh, nobody. Nobody at all. This stupid thing hasn't got a clue what it's doing." Dwight peers over to see Jim's screen displaying a picture of The Baffler, along with a short description of the character. "Titus Czonka was a jackhammer operator before he turned to crime. He grew sick of the average Joe lifestyle, and wanted to be known and remembered as a super villain. However, Czonka was not very bright, was not even slightly "evil" at heart, and failed at most independent attempts to do... well, just about anything. Nevertheless, he began a life of villainy." Dwight says that's pretty cool anyway, and that Jim should be happy he got a "unique" villain. After all, if everyone was the Joker or Riddler, it'd be pretty boring. Jim throws his computer out the window while screeching about how much he hates "society".
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Aug 25, 2022 14:45
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Jim ties an extremely thin yet completely unbreakable string to Dwight's ankle, then cackles with glee as he leads the camera crew into the back parking lot. "This is an experimental nano-fiber. Completely unbreakable, completely invisible to the human eye. One end is tied to Dwight's ankle, the other end is tied to the back of my car. Now the game begins!" Jim hops in his car and revs the engine, then takes off. The thread, which is presumably laying somewhere in the parking lot, presumably begins to grow taut as Jim drives away from the office. The camera crew isn't sure what to focus on. Suddenly, back at his desk, Dwight is painfully yanked from his desk and dragged across the floor. Michael begins to scream and make the sign of the cross. "I knew it! I knew they built this place over a Native American burial ground! Pam, I told you my coffee cup was moving!" Dwight is dragged out the door as Michael drops to his knees in prayer.
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Aug 25, 2022 15:32
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Jim ties an extremely thin, easily breakable string to Dwight's ankle, then cackles with glee as he leads the camera crew to the back parking lot. Jim ties the other end of the string to the back of his car and speeds off. The string snaps instantly and Dwight doesn't even feel a tug. Jim drives to the 11 o'clock matinee of Illumination Entertainment's Minions: the Rise of Gru and doesn't come back to work for the rest of the day. Later Dwight discovers the string around his ankle and is annoyed.
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Aug 25, 2022 15:58
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Jim ties an extremely thin, easily breakable string to Dwight's ankle, then cackles with glee as he leads the camera crew to the back parking lot. Jim drives to the 11 o'clock matinee of Illumination Entertainment's Minions: the Rise of Gru and doesn't come back to work for the rest of the day. Later Dwight discovers the string around his ankle is tied to Pam. Scoffing at Jim’s latest ridiculous prank, Dwight easily snaps the string and heads into the annex to get his lunch. Behind Dwight Pam, sitting at her desk, begins to unravel.
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Aug 25, 2022 17:05
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Jim ties his extremely thin, breakable ankle to Dwight's string, then crackles as with glee as he leads the camera crew to Dwight's fishing spot As Dwight casts off, Jim's foot is severed by the force. Dwight is traumatized by Jim's blood curdling screams, as Jim mugs the camera
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Aug 25, 2022 17:13
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Jim discover an ancient Egyptian burial chamber underneath Dunder Mifflin. He adorns himself with treasures of the Pharoah and beings his sarcophagus up to the office to put next to his desk. "Hey Dwight," says Jim. "You don't believe in any of those hokey stories about the Pharoah's curse, right? A big grown up like you? What are you afraid of here, that abbot and Costello might pop out?" Dwight sighs. He has no interest in opening the coffin one way or the other. If he had discovered the ruins, all of this would go right to the Scranton museum of egyptology, where it belongs. And while he doesn't believe in the curse, he certainly doesn't want to unload a thousands of years old stench into the office. But, thinking it will shut Jim up, he follows Jim's demand to, "Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it! Open it!" Dwight opens it. A figure wrapped head to toe in toilet paper falls out and groans, "what's the matter Dwight, want your MUMMY?" Dwight sighs and tears the toilet paper off of Jim's face. Jim who crammed himself in the coffin exactly as Dwight opened it. Dwight decides he needs a long break and takes a year to cool down in Santa Fe. Jim gets up and dusts his hands. "Another prank, in the bank! Good one, right bonesy?" The Pharoah, Bonesy, replies, "it was good enough to die for!!" And begins to cackle, red eyes glowing, and turns into a cursed stream of dust that blows into Jim's mouth.
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Aug 25, 2022 17:15
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Jim prances around the office like a fancy prince.
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Aug 25, 2022 17:42
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Elon Musk, dressed as Waluigi, invites everyone in the office to a weird, creepy pool party at Musk's house, which is an exact duplicate of the castle from Warioware. The officegoers swim around awkwardly in the pool and pretend to be interested in Musk's weird pronouncements, which vary from aphorisms comparing Cancel Culture to the criminalization of apostasy under the Theodosian code, to his assertion that hotdogs are just "gay hamburgers." Musk doesn't swim in the pool, but stands at the edge in his swimshorts getting hosed down by a mute servant. During the party, Jim pours the ice bucket down Dwight's shorts, prompting an alarmed outburst from Dwight that pierces the awkwardly silent atmosphere of the party. Musk asks Dwight to leave for "killing the chill vibe." Jim mugs at the camera as he takes a turn holding the hose to spray Musk's pale, weirdly-shaped body.
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Aug 25, 2022 17:48
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jim engages in archetypal behaviour. emblems representing others in the office are involved; a pot of chili; beets; a rundown. a purple cap with E on it
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Aug 25, 2022 18:00
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*an inverted E
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Aug 25, 2022 18:05
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:jim engages in archetypal behaviour. emblems representing others in the office are involved; a pot of chili; beets; a rundown. a purple cap with E on it There's liquor involved but it's ambiguous whether it's symbolic of Meredith or Pam.
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Aug 25, 2022 18:07
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The entire office is replaced with emojis. 🧑🌾🍠🍮🖇 👩🎨🍷🍷🍷
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Aug 25, 2022 18:08
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Jim becomes a millionaire overnight for inventing a "creeper cam" phone peripheral that's basically a tiny periscope that lets the user take photos without pointing his phone in the direction of the target, allowing him to take candid photos of hot women on the sly. Jim sells the invention to Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi) who vows to incorporate the technology into all future Tesla cars. Jim takes his millions and uses them to found an oil fracking company that only fracks for oil next to Dwight's property. Naturally there's no oil and the company goes bankrupt, but not before permanently poisoning Dwight's well water. Jim mugs for the creeper cam recording him from the bushes.
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Aug 25, 2022 18:13
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| # ? Jun 5, 2024 00:15 |
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Jim decides to “sell out” and make his bones by starting the worst companies he can dream up. He turns his awful powers of pranking to entrepreneurship. The first idea Jim has is to create a revenge porn website. In order to “start the pot” Jim uploads dozens of videos of himself, nude except for red tennis shoes, running through Dwight’s beet fields. In some videos, Jim just stares at the camera. In others, he builds elaborate scarecrows with elk antlers and tattered yellow robes. When he receives a wave of negative emails and queries from site visitors, Jim explains that this is “the closest thing to sex” he can achieve anymore.
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Aug 25, 2022 18:21
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