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Luigi Thirty posted:This may be a basic bitch writer question but I'm working on a horror scene that I can picture in my mind like a movie but can't seem to get out on paper in a way that makes sense. The protagonist, having saved the village through the awakening of her new power, is undergoing a magical healing ritual. She comes to realize during the course of the ritual that it's strikingly similar to a recurring dream of a magical harming ritual, and in her sight the two visions gradually merge until she freaks out and we cut to the next morning's "...well, we had to sedate you so you wouldn't hurt yourself..." Sometimes I find it helpful to ask questions just to help flesh out a scene. You don't need to answer me, and you certainly don't need all of these questions to be answered in your scene, but I think a lot of times it's helpful to take stock of what you do know and what you might not have considered yet, so it can inform your writing. 1. The character saved a village through some kind of newly awakened power. What did she save the village from? How does she feel about her new power, and how do the people around her feel? Whatever the answers to these questions are, there's an effect on the character's state of mind. 2. She has some manner of injury or impurity that requires a healing ritual. Why does she need to be in a healing ritual? Is she hurt/impure? Is this healing ritual something that she recognizes, a tradition that is known in the village, or is it kept secret? Does it actually involve iron chains tying her to an altar, and if so, why? 3. She has recurring dreams (nightmares?) about a malevolent ritual. Are these premonitions, or the result of a girl with an active imagination? Or did she actually witness some kind of harming ritual in the past? When she experiences these recurring dreams, what kind of physiological or psychological response does she have? 4. The resemblance between the two rituals seems to trigger a defensive response in her, and she can't tell the difference between the real (present) ritual and the imaginary (dream) ritual. What is your character's subjective experience? Let me give you a couple examples 1. Character A feels there's an uncanny similarity between this ritual and one from her dreams. Each detail in common raises her suspicions more and more. From a reasoned, logic-driven (even if it's faulty logic) point of view, she says, "Unchain me, you vile cultists! I know you're up to no good! I know you've got that bone pick of yours, and you're going to bleed me dry!" and starts resisting. 2. Character B has an instinctive, animal-like response to the ritual. The dream keeps coming back to her. She is not literally seeing things that aren't there; it's more like a traumatic flashback, or a panic attack. But when the priest raises his hand in benediction, all she can see is the black hooded figure from her nightmares, the carved bone pick. Had there been a face beneath that hood? It might have been the priest's face, the round curve of his cheeks, the same dispassionate downward gaze from on high. 3. Character C has a mystical, supernatural vision. She actually has a vision, sees something that is not there in front of her. Is this one of her powers? Maybe it's not the priest who frightens her, or the humble provincial altar, but her own future--she's seeing ahead to a future that awaits her. The village recedes, the dream swells, more real than reality.
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Aug 7, 2022 15:04
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Cephas posted:Sometimes I find it helpful to ask questions just to help flesh out a scene. You don't need to answer me, and you certainly don't need all of these questions to be answered in your scene, but I think a lot of times it's helpful to take stock of what you do know and what you might not have considered yet, so it can inform your writing. Fortunately, I know the answers to these questions already! Anyway, I used what I started with as an outline and fleshed it all out, taking everything on board, and I'm much happier with what I've got so far. Thinking about the psychological impact on the main character in both the "if this action happens, what would her reaction be" and "if I think this reaction would be effective on the reader, what action would cause it" directions.
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Aug 8, 2022 00:46
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Luigi Thirty posted:Fortunately, I know the answers to these questions already! I like your outline style was pretty cool to see. Are you comfortable posting the final product?
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Aug 8, 2022 15:57
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DropTheAnvil posted:I like your outline style was pretty cool to see. Are you comfortable posting the final product? Well, it's a piece of fiction for this campaign I'm in and I don't think it works at all unless you're already familiar with the characters - like in the post above, the reader knows the answers to 1, 2, and 3 going in and this story is focusing on 4. I think it'd be like posting a random passage out of (insert fantasy series here) and assuming the audience has any idea what the gently caress any of these words mean or why they should care, and since the story is going for emotional impact I think it'd be completely lost outside of the audience of 5 people it's intended for. Still, it's just under 1000 words so I could post it over in the crits thread but I don't know if I'm comfortable putting the whole thing in there without having an anxiety attack over putting words I wrote on the internet. Luigi Thirty fucked around with this message at 21:20 on Aug 8, 2022 |
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Aug 8, 2022 21:14
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 This is not only practical advice, but it's also pretty funny advice. I'm definitely going to start giving my intellectual characters stronger opinions about things for both humor and extra personality.
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Aug 13, 2022 05:58
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The problem with that last part is character bloat. Your protagonist wandering from space university campus to space university campus talking to increasingly niche professors would... Actually probably make a pretty good short story series nevermind I'm in. For a single novel though just have your guy talk to the right guy first unless there's a plot reason for the information to be incorrect or hidden.
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Aug 13, 2022 13:39
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thunderdome winner
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Giving your characters strong opinions about poo poo to weasel in exposition is the best, and not just for intellectual characters. My favorite method is the kinda conversation that starts with, “You know what’s total bullshit?” followed by a rant against some aspect of the world I gotta weave in. Though making those characters wrong about the thing they’re ranting about is even more fun
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Aug 13, 2022 14:30
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I've always been kind of averse to the author's manifesto delivered as a character's monologue. It often feels crammed into a scene and I can often feel the logic of the narrative being twisted to accommodate their views. I do like the original point though. I'm currently working on a novella about a woman who works as a bookkeeper for her family's criminal organization and she frequently gets frustrated by financial waste or people with no knowledge of finance or economics telling her how to do her job. It's created some fun conflicts for her to push against.
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Aug 13, 2022 19:02
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Pennsylvanian posted:I've always been kind of averse to the author's manifesto delivered as a character's monologue. It often feels crammed into a scene and I can often feel the logic of the narrative being twisted to accommodate their views. Oh I don’t mean that kinda ranting. I mean giving your characters strong opinions, about anything really, right or wrong, that help define their character specifically, in context or contrast to the rest of your world.
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Aug 13, 2022 21:01
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Ah okay, my bad. Yeah, I just came off of reading a string of books that heavily relied on introspection. I've been kind of itching for a new book where characters are willing to say or do wild things to get some kind of reaction out of one another.
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Aug 13, 2022 22:49
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Haven't asked for grammar help in a while... here's one. Context: Teen narrator growing up in village where basically everyone works in fishing. quote:Or at least you better learn to tolerate fish, since there is no surplus of opportunities out there on the sea coast. "there is no surplus of opportunities" or "there are no surplus of opportunities" ? surplus singular but surplus of opportunities plural??
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Aug 15, 2022 14:24
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There is no surplus. The "of opportunities" is just a modifier, it doesn't affect agreement. The surplus is the thing that matters.
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Aug 15, 2022 14:30
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ultrachrist posted:Haven't asked for grammar help in a while... here's one. Context: Teen narrator growing up in village where basically everyone works in fishing. Data Graham is correct, but the more I think about this the more I'm confused as to what you're saying. The context you provided and the structure of the sentence makes it feel like you mean "there's no shortage of opportunities." But I guess the fishing industry could be over-saturated with workers that there's not a lot of room for a newb? Or maybe "opportunities" refers to "opportunities to work in an industry other than fishing"? IDK, I'd phrase it differently defending on what you're trying to say.
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Aug 15, 2022 20:45
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There are few opportunities is what I read and yeah it's an odd way of saying it
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Aug 15, 2022 20:59
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It's like saying "cannot be understated" when you mean "cannot be overstated".
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Aug 15, 2022 21:00
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Thanks for the grammar help. Sitting Here posted:Data Graham is correct, but the more I think about this the more I'm confused as to what you're saying. It's the latter. Let me know if the issue still persist when you read the whole paragraph: quote:If your daddy was a fisherman and his daddy was a fisherman and so on back to the old country, then further still on to the Creation, then you better love fish. Gaze into the eyes of your catch and feel the heft of your own holy soul. Salt of the earth, your people. Or at least you better learn to tolerate fish, since there is no surplus of opportunities out there on the sea coast. Your love of fish must extend beyond the hooking and killing of them on to the cooking and consuming of them. Especially if your dear old Ma is known county wide for the mouthwatering allure of her beer battered cod. Sure, she’ll give you smaller and smaller portions, then slip it away and replace it with grits when your daddy isn’t looking. But there’s the hurt in her soft brown eyes on account of the whole planet except her only son loving that buttery rich fish. First 2 pages were workshopped once and it wasn't an issue but I'm prepping for a full story workshop.
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Aug 15, 2022 21:37
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Should it be “you had better” in the first two instances? I oughtn’t delve too deep unsolicited, but that one stuck out to me.
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Aug 16, 2022 00:23
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REMEMBER SPONGE MONKEYS posted:Should it be “you had better” in the first two instances? I oughtn’t delve too deep unsolicited, but that one stuck out to me. Technically I believe it should be 'you had better', but 'you better' is a common construction in casual english, likely because speakers contract 'you had' to 'you'd' and then drop the 'd' all together in quick speech.
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Aug 16, 2022 00:57
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It’s technically correct (the best kind of correct), but the passage definitely sounds like it’s in idiom so you’d be fine eliding the “had”. It would sound weird and stilted if you didn’t.
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Aug 16, 2022 03:51
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Data Graham posted:It’s technically correct (the best kind of correct), but the passage definitely sounds like it’s in idiom so you’d be fine eliding the “had”. It would sound weird and stilted if you didn’t. I did not realize this was a style/format, but this is how I characterized it as a whole (though not as neatly) in my head.
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Aug 16, 2022 04:32
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Hello everyone. This is my first post here and you come highly recommended. I have finished a manuscript for a horror novel and I'm in the process of querying it to agents. I hope to receive your feedback on my cover letter. Without further ado, this is what I have: Dear, [NAME] Thank you for the opportunity to submit my dark fantasy and Gothic horror novel, NIGHT DEMON. It is complete at 130,000 words. I read online that you [PERSONALISED READING HABITS/OTHER AUTHORS THEY REP], which is why I have no doubt my novel would interest you. I have included a hook, blurb, and a one-page synopsis for your review. In summary: a powerless girl takes on all-powerful monsters. Lilian is looking for her missing best friend when a Demon saves her life. Realising she can speak with these denizens of the Netherworld, it is clear they are connected to her friend's disappearance. They are also behind the mysterious murders happening in town. Before long, Lilian finds herself in a world of man-eating monsters. The Demon Hunters are of no help either, with sooner her homicide on their minds. To add fuel to this unholy fire, she also learns about an Incubus — a powerful Demon — with deadly designs on the whole town. If only she had some demonic powers of her own. . . Night Demon is a tale about an unlikely heroine. The story rides on psychological undertones more so than gore for its horror. It may remind readers of classic reads like The Haunting of Hill House (1959) in this way. It combines this with an overture of high-tension chase scenes. Readers of Hide (2022) will appreciate these fast-paced, scary episodes. Dysfunctional relationships lie at the heart of my character exploration. Together with a stunted coming-of-age, it may remind you of Let The Right One In (2004). Throughout the novel, I make use of ghostly folklore and near-east-inspired language magic. Born and raised in the Netherlands, I write in both English and Dutch for a living. I live with a cat who isn’t bothered by my delayed sleep phase syndrome and nightly writing sessions. I started writing text-based roleplays in my early twenties. This escalated so much that one day I realised I was writing novel-length fanfiction. I needed to omit the fan, from the fiction. I am thirty-six. I look forward to your response. Sincerely, [MY NAME]
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Sep 13, 2022 01:57
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Bit tired, so sorry if this is a bit snarky.wolberius posted:
The problem with the pitch above is elements are just zooming in, and disappearing. I don't know who the demon hunters are and I don't care. I don't care about this Incubus either. I was interested about Lilith (Sorry Lilian) looking for her friend and meeting a demon. What are the stakes, what is the problem she encounters, and what is she going to do about it, and at what cost. I am of mixed minds about your comp titles. You show a clear mastery and understanding of your novel (good), then compare it against older titles (Might be bad).
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Sep 13, 2022 03:47
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Your query letter reminds me of the first draft of mine, before I got some excellent feedback on it that got me some nice replies during my own querying experience, so, I'm going to basically repeat what I got. Hope it helps!quote:Dear, [NAME] Milkfred E. Moore fucked around with this message at 13:05 on Sep 13, 2022 |
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Sep 13, 2022 10:48
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wolberius posted:Hello everyone. This is my first post here and you come highly recommended. I have finished a manuscript for a horror novel and I'm in the process of querying it to agents. I hope to receive your feedback on my cover letter. Without further ado, this is what I have: Apologies if this sounds harsh! - 'I have no doubt my novel would interest you' feels a little presumptuous. - 130,000 words is about what you could get away with for a fantasy novel. Horror novels are usually <100,000. You might want to make another editing pass to cut that word count or you're likely to get rejections based on that alone. - Meanwhile, your pitch itself is a little short. You could safely add another 100 words to make things clearer. Focus on who Lilian is, what she wants, and what's keeping her from getting it, because at the moment we don't know anything about her beyond the plot that happens to her, and have no reason to care about her. "[Intrepid reporter/loner high school student/bored office worker] Lilian is hunting for her missing best friend, [NAME], when a demon saves her life [from a hellhound/mugger/speeding pizza delivery guy]. Although she's initially [terrified/sceptical/aroused], Lilian realises that these man-eating monsters may be connected to [NAME]'s disappearance, and decides to [learn how to fight them/team up with the demon that saved her/give up on her quest and hide under the bed]. But there's more at stake than [NAME]'s life; the demons are behind a string of grizzly murders, and that may only be the start of the horrors. Now Lilian needs to decide whether finding [NAME] is worth facing down everything that hell can throw at her armed with only [a bad attitude/a green belt in jujitsu/fledgling demonic powers of her own]." just to be clear, this is very bad! But hopefully it gives an idea of how you could shift the emphasis to Lilian and her choices. - Terms like 'Netherworld' and 'Demon Hunters' aren't great when we don't know what they mean within the context your story. - I could be wrong, but The Haunting of Hill House is a slow, claustrophobic and ambiguous psychological horror, and it really doesn't sound like a good comp for a book full of fast-paced demon chases. Honestly, the current pitch's emphasis on warring supernatural factions and Lilian developing cool demonic powers makes this book sound more like YA or urban fantasy than horror. (You will also, ideally, want all your comps to have been from within the last few years, both Haunting and Let The Right One In are too old). Sally Forth fucked around with this message at 11:34 on Sep 13, 2022 |
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Sep 13, 2022 10:58
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Milkfred E. Moore posted:Your query letter reminds me of the first draft of mine, before I got some excellent feedback on it that got me some nice replies during my own querying experience, so, I'm going to basically repeat what I got. Hope it helps! Thank you for your response, it seems the most professional of the ones I got so far. Are you traditionally published?
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Sep 13, 2022 15:49
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Hello friendly writer goons! I was wondering if you could help me with a turn of phrase / way of contextualising a concept. I'm actually writing a best man speech, but I figure it's the same as if a character was giving a best man speech? Sorry if it's not! Anyway; I'm going to be covering off how the groom has a million embarrassing stories, and how everyone in the room probably has one of their own that's juicier than anything I could tell them. What I would like to do, is kind of take that into saying how, it's not just him that's off on adventures, him and his wife to be are in it together. Like, the typical conclusion would be 'I hope you can fix him, boring woman'. But I want to point out that they're Bonnie and Clyde, thick as thieves. The trouble is its kinda hard to say it without also throwing just the tiniest bit of shade the brides way, which is obviously just a huge no no. Anyone got any ideas? Thanks massively for any help. I do realise it's possibly just a bad idea too, that I should scrap, and just go now traditional.
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Sep 13, 2022 20:39
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!Klams posted:Hello friendly writer goons! I was wondering if you could help me with a turn of phrase / way of contextualising a concept. The only time I wrote a toast the feedback from my editor was, 'this isn't a roast' so take it with a grain of salt, but you could play on the movie pairs theme. maybe this is corny too, but could give you ideas: There are many great movie pairings, Bonnie and Clyde, Butch and Sundance, Thelma and Louise. In it to the end . . . just try to avoid the Grand Canyon when joyriding in a convertible. Pause for laugh. (If you're not being totally sentimental, saying 'pause for laugh' will always get somebody) But those movies are what? Scripted. [bride] and [groom] are more like a great writing pair, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, a team of friends; The Coen Brothers, a team of family; Michelle and Robert King, a married partnership. They all do their individual projects but when together they elevate each other. And they're not bound by the script--when they collaborate they decide what goes on the page. They decide what the next adventure is and whether it's a comedy or dramatic, and sometimes there are bittersweet moments, and maybe the movie or show doesn't make much money or gets panned by the critics, but there's always the next script. That's what marriage is; whether you're riding a wave of success or in a slump, you have to put pen to paper and write a new script. And [bride] and [groom] do that--together. e: i got sidetracked, and realize this doesn't help with the million embarrassing stories bit. I'll ponder a segue The Cut of Your Jib fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Sep 13, 2022 |
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Sep 13, 2022 21:27
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The Cut of Your Jib posted:The only time I wrote a toast the feedback from my editor was, 'this isn't a roast' so take it with a grain of salt, but you could play on the movie pairs theme. That's really good, and I would probably use that, but! Theyre both aware that I wrote a screenplay and Id worry it comes across as being about me?
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Sep 13, 2022 22:03
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!Klams posted:That's really good, and I would probably use that, but! Theyre both aware that I wrote a screenplay and Id worry it comes across as being about me? I think in general, the homily is a little speech during the ceremony that's like "I don't know these people very well, so in the short time that we've met before conducting the ceremony, these people display x generic qualities that make a good marriage." If the officiant is a close friend, that's much better, because they can relate personal anecdotes. I guess my point is that if you're the 'best man' then the relationship between you and the groom is important and they know who you are. if you lens it through your own experience that's a good thing. Especially if you are actually friends with the groom. I was just at one where the best man was a business partner and it was all, blah blah we worked this account and it was tough, but groom figured out a solution and so I know they'll work hard at marriage.  Whether you use any of the above or not, don't be afraid to put your own personality into the speech. (also a best man tip: I don't know what the drink situation is, but if there isn't served champagne or something, have the DJ make an announcement about 15 minutes before speeches so the guests can go to the bar and get a drink before the toasts.)
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Sep 13, 2022 23:23
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wolberius posted:Thank you for your response, it seems the most professional of the ones I got so far. Are you traditionally published? Not with my manuscripts but I do have about a dozen credits as a localizer/rewriter.
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Sep 14, 2022 00:56
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What software are you guys using for novels? Some of the links in the OP are dead. I like the general layout and functionality of yWriter6 but is there anything more...modern?
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Sep 14, 2022 20:14
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thehandtruck posted:What software are you guys using for novels? Some of the links in the OP are dead. I like the general layout and functionality of yWriter6 but is there anything more...modern? Scrivener, having a progress bar that fills up as you type is a god send
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Sep 14, 2022 20:16
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Does it have a dark mode
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Sep 14, 2022 20:17
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Gaius Marius posted:Does it have a dark mode If you’re writing, don’t you basically exist there?
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Sep 14, 2022 20:23
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Gaius Marius posted:Does it have a dark mode It does, and some customization on that as well.
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Sep 14, 2022 20:48
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change my name posted:Scrivener, having a progress bar that fills up as you type is a god send Is that like a writing motivation thing? I'm not into that kinda stuff. I meant more how yWriter has a way to organize the chapters and scenes. edit: Oh it does look nice though. thanks. edit2 alright I bought it, maybe it will make me write good instead of bad. they should let you purchase that thehandtruck fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Sep 14, 2022 |
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Sep 14, 2022 21:03
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thehandtruck posted:Is that like a writing motivation thing? I'm not into that kinda stuff. I meant more how yWriter has a way to organize the chapters and scenes. Yeah. You can pop out a progress bar with both your total word count and session word count. It also has great chapter and scene organization as well as hyperlinking back to other sections (good for characters and places), multiple panes, and a bunch of other stuff. I actually use it to draft my articles for work now instead of Word too.
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Sep 14, 2022 21:06
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thehandtruck posted:What software are you guys using for novels? Google Docs. One for each chapter, and one horrid mess of an "outline". World building notes go in a TiddlyWiki. I track progress in a Google Sheet. Once structural edits are done, I export in .docx from Google Docs and import the files to Vellum for line edits and proofing so I can see what it looks like when laid out as an ebook or in print. I don't go back to Google Docs after that because the Vellum file is the final source of truth.
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Sep 15, 2022 01:35
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A copy of Microsoft Office 2007 from my dad's office that he let me install on my computer when I was in high school. I saved the license key and have kept using it on every computer I've owned since.
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Sep 15, 2022 04:43
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Somehow my Pages on iPad approach works okay. I think it’s purely psychological though. It makes me feel like “I can do this” when my manuscript already looks like a book, and Pages is great at giving you nice templates and easy access to formatting niceties like drop caps. But if it has any features that help you organize notes, they’re beyond me.
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