r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Dr. Stab: Sep 12, 2010; 👨🏻‍⚕️🩺🔪🙀😱🙀

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Tried in an Italian court, presided over by an Italian judge, sentenced to death by an Italian method of torture, hammered onto the cross by Italian guards and poked in the side by an Italian with a spear.

"The Jews did it!"

Okay, but this is all part of God's plan. And God was Jewish.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 12:43

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:37

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Dr. Stab posted:

Okay, but this is all part of God's plan. And God was Jewish.

So, was God circumcized? :can:

# ? Sep 19, 2022 12:47

Gerblyn: Apr 4, 2007; "TO BATTLE!"; Fun Shoe

3D Megadoodoo posted:

Oysters and buttons are not, in fact, mushrooms.

Not to start a big taxonomy derail, but what? What are they then?

# ? Sep 19, 2022 12:49

Pingiivi: Mar 26, 2010; Straight into the iris!

Oysters are molluscs and buttons keep your clothes on.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 12:53

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Gerblyn posted:

Not to start a big taxonomy derail, but what? What are they then?

A mollusc and a garment-fastener, respectively. The latter can be made out of the hard bits of the former.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 12:53

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for ruining my ex�s birthday trip after �our� friends got me to fly there under false pretences?

quote:

Three of my friends invited me on a trip to Paris. As far as I was aware the trip was supposed to be just the four of us and was almost like a pre-bachelorette party for one of the friends. Turns out the whole thing was a lie and they wanted me in Paris because that was where my ex was celebrating his birthday and two of the guys in our friendship group thought it would be funny if I was his surprise present.

I was angry and felt humiliated when I realised what was going on and I yelled at my ex because I thought he was the one behind it. My friends told me to calm down because I was ruining the party but at that point I was so mad that I wanted to ruin it for everyone. A lot of people are angry at me and now that I�ve calmed down I�m wondering if I acted like an rear end in a top hat?

where in the gently caress do redditors find these kind of "friends"

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:02

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

3D Megadoodoo posted:

So, was God circumcized?

Man was made in God's image, which is a cut dick. Foreskin is just sprue to be trimmed away.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:17

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Brawnfire posted:

Man was made in God's image, which is a cut dick. Foreskin is just sprue to be trimmed away.

That's real loving close to blasphemy.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:19

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:23

DrManiac: Feb 29, 2012

If a mushroom is red or green with white spots it�s ok to eat. If it�s purple with a skull and crossbone and a angry face it�s poison and you shouldn�t eat it.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:27

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

DrManiac posted:

If a mushroom is red or green with white spots it’s ok to eat. If it’s purple with a skull and crossbone and a angry face it’s poison and you shouldn’t eat it.

What about orange, yellow, and white flowers with two eyes in the center?

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:29

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

mama mia!

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:31

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

If I ate a poison mushroom I would simply visualize not dying of liver failure.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:32

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

LonesomeCrowdedWest posted:

AITA for not inviting my 10yr old niece to my daughters slumber party after her birthday party?

but my sisters and I hound her for it

I decided that she deserved a break

I tell my daughter she is invited

I decided this was a good compromise, and did not even mention the sleep over to my sister so even if she tried to force her daughter into the party, she would have nothing with her. No clothes, no toothbrush.

I stood up, thanked all the parents for coming but said our time was up, and it was time for the boys to go home and the girls to follow us back for the slumber party

I had my daughter say bye to her cousin, and my sister. My sister looked at me confused and asked "Is ___ not coming over to your house?" I guess I rubbed her the wrong way because I chuckled a bit and said "Oh, no, it's just her and her girl friends." She made a face, and my niece started tearing up a bit and clung onto my sister, but I stood my ground because its what my daughter wanted.

I allowed her to feel left out despite forcing my daughter to invite her.

this person is a big lumpy piece of poo poo firmly planted up her own rear end

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:36

Bargearse: Nov 27, 2006; 🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.

Bruceski posted:

Whether you actually meant cooks or cocks, getting eggs from them is unsettling regardless of color.

I assume they meant "chooks", Australian for "chickens".

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:40

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Bargearse posted:

I assume they meant "chooks", Australian for "chickens".

Australians with their chooks and bin chickens and swooping magpies and spangled drongos and kookaburras.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:43

Castaign: Apr 4, 2011; And now I knew that while my body sat safe in the cheerful little church, he had been hunting my soul in the Court of the Dragon.

Lottery of Babylon posted:

"and is overweight (the last bit is not her fault, but my sisters and I hound her for it)"

Go eat some random wild mushrooms.

This woman is lovely, but I think people are parsing this part wrong. I'm pretty sure she meant

"the last bit is not her fault, but my sister's fault and I hound my sister for it"

and not

"the last bit is not my niece's fault, but my sisters and I hound my niece for it"

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:50

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Castaign posted:

This woman is lovely, but I think people are parsing this part wrong. I'm pretty sure she meant

"the last bit is not her fault, but my sister's fault and I hound my sister for it"

and not

"the last bit is not my niece's fault, but my sisters and I hound my niece for it"

Oh we know it�s both, let�s be honest

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:52

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Should've just been honest and said that her precious little canned ham would ruin the aesthetics of the party.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 13:58

Borosilicate: Aug 26, 2022; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Either way, forcing your kid to hang out with her annoying cousin that nobody likes on her birthday would be pretty lovely to do, she did the right thing in that situation.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:00

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Borosilicate posted:

Either way, forcing your kid to hang out with her annoying cousin that nobody likes on her birthday would be pretty lovely to do, she did the right thing in that situation.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:04

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Australians with their chooks and bin chickens and swooping magpies and spangled drongos and kookaburras.

Don't forget the willie wagtails and the cockies and the quokkas and the noisy minahs

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:17

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Don't forget the willie wagtails and the cockies and the quokkas and the noisy minahs

All spotted while wearing a Bintang singlet while bumming a durry from your best mate?

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:26

Bargearse: Nov 27, 2006; 🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.

This is a weird country.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:30

Castaign: Apr 4, 2011; And now I knew that while my body sat safe in the cheerful little church, he had been hunting my soul in the Court of the Dragon.

teen witch posted:

Oh we know it�s both, let�s be honest

yeah, fair

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:50

Gerblyn: Apr 4, 2007; "TO BATTLE!"; Fun Shoe

3D Megadoodoo posted:

A mollusc and a garment-fastener, respectively. The latter can be made out of the hard bits of the former.

I am dumb and bad at jokes :shobon:

# ? Sep 19, 2022 14:52

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Dear Care and Feeding,

quote:

In June 2021 I left my husband of 23 years. Although we had some ups and downs throughout the years, he was a good husband and a great father to our now 20- and 22-year-old daughters. We were a close family and had a great circle of friends. To most people who knew us, we looked like the picture of a perfect marriage/family. But for at least the final five years of our marriage, I knew I wasn�t in love with him and I was starting to panic about being empty nesters, as our daughters were starting university and moving away.

While for the first 15 years or so of our marriage, there was no reason for him to mistrust me, in its later years I engaged in mild (and not so mild) flirtations with other men. I am not proud of my actions, and looking back I can�t even recognize who that woman was. In any case, in February 2021, I unexpectedly fell in love with another man and began an affair with him that lasted for four months. In June 2021, my husband overheard me having therapy on Zoom (thank you, Covid!) and confronted me. I admitted the affair and told him I was in love with the other man. My husband and I talked and cried nonstop for four days, and I made the difficult decision to choose ME and my happiness and moved out of the house. I knew my kids would be upset, hurt, and angry, but I assumed that at the stage they were at in their lives, they would understand (or try to).

Things have not gone that way at all. I haven�t seen my younger daughter in a year. My older daughter has been a little more hot and cold with me, although more cold than hot. She is at least more communicative than her sister (and by that I mean occasionally she will text me telling me how angry she is). I have tried to respect their desire for time and space to grieve, but I am afraid we will never find our way back to each other. I text them often, but they rarely reply. I�ve begged them to go to a therapist with me. They will not. My younger daughter is completely closed off and shut down. My older one sporadically sees a therapist on her own. As a child of divorce myself (my father left my mother for another woman when I was 14), I understand their pain, anger, betrayal, and sadness all too well. I just don�t know how they can heal and grieve without even having one conversation with me. (I should add that my soon-to-be ex-husband and I are actually fine with each other now and have remained in contact throughout the year and a half.) I know my daughters are tired of my texts (they say they feel they�re �just words�). I want to respect their desire for space while still trying to prove to them that they are the most important people in my life. Because I didn�t end the relationship with my now boyfriend, they do not accept that they are my priority. I wish I had had the courage to leave my husband before meeting someone else. I wish I had not left the family home and not left my older daughter to look after my husband, who was a broken and destroyed man for a few months. But I can�t undo any of the things I did. I feel like my 20 years of mothering counts for nothing now and it breaks my heart that they�re choosing to live without me in their lives. Can you help us? I want to do something, but I don�t know what!

�Left My Husband, Lost My Daughters

Get hosed lady. "Difficult" decision to choose yourself. Everything in this post is about me me me me.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 15:32

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

I chose my happiness: better or worse than I was hypnotized into being seduced?

# ? Sep 19, 2022 15:52

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Cowslips Warren posted:

I chose my happiness: better or worse than I was hypnotized into being seduced?

Tough one, but I think hypnotized is worse 'cause they're trying to deflect blame.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 15:56

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

It's always amusing that parents, the people that taught you the meanings of words and would punish you for using them incorrectly, suddenly have no idea what a vocabulary even is when it comes to "STOP loving TEXTING ME MOM IT'S CALLED 'NO CONTACT'!"

# ? Sep 19, 2022 16:03

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Cowslips Warren posted:

I chose my happiness: better or worse than I was hypnotized into being seduced?

Nothing will top the woman mind-controlled into sleeping with one of her company's suppliers

# ? Sep 19, 2022 16:07

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Uncle Enzo posted:

Nothing will top the woman mind-controlled into sleeping with one of her company's suppliers

Dell Inc sucked me off???

# ? Sep 19, 2022 16:09

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

teen witch posted:

AITA for �extorting� my fianc� for his social security number?

Nah fianc� is just a lovely sovereign cit from a whole crazy sovereign cit family and you're insane if you don't bail.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 16:17

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Motronic posted:

I want to respect their desire for space

I respect their desire for space by constantly blowing up their phones with texts that they keep asking me to stop sending.

quote:

...while still trying to prove to them that they are the most important people in my life.

But they're not the most important people in your life. You are the most important person in your life. You wrote multiple paragraphs proudly proclaiming it!

quote:

Because I didn�t end the relationship with my now boyfriend, they do not accept that they are my priority.

Oh, word?

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:04

Dr. Stab: Sep 12, 2010; 👨🏻‍⚕️🩺🔪🙀😱🙀

FMguru posted:

But they're not the most important people in your life. You are the most important person in your life. You wrote multiple paragraphs proudly proclaiming it!

She's trying to reclaim the image of herself as a mother who loves her kids. And, I can near guarantee that she cannot distinguish between that and actually caring about her children's happiness.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:10

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I don't know why they won't talk to me. I mean, I know why, but I want a different reason that I can easily dismiss instead.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:12

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

love how she showed zero contrition, definitely great when trying to reestablish a relationship with your very hurt kids.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:19

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

If only there was a way to choose your own happiness and get a divorce without first betraying your partner for four months and then only admitting to it when you get caught.

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:53

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

but getting a divorce would make her look like a bad person

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:57

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:37

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Too bad for the OP in that she ended up divorced anyway, lol!

# ? Sep 19, 2022 17:59

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