AFC East 2023: Next season is going to be a beautiful train wreck.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > AFC East 2023: Next season is going to be a beautiful train wreck.

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Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

epic bacon posted:

i have used AI to predict what will be happening Sunday afternoon

Which one did you use for this, by the way

# ? Oct 4, 2022 17:28

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# ? May 25, 2024 15:59

epic bacon: Sep 19, 2022

https://labs.openai.com/

edit: lol i did "Miami Dolphins first round pick holding up his jersey at press conference" and got this

dude's holding up a massive jersey while also wearing it over what looks like an even bigger alternate jersey

epic bacon fucked around with this message at 18:24 on Oct 4, 2022

# ? Oct 4, 2022 18:08

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

https://twitter.com/BuffaloBillsPR/status/1577342804854030336

Prince seemed to step up to the occasion so cutting him is unexpected.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 18:33

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

epic bacon posted:

https://labs.openai.com/

edit: lol i did "Miami Dolphins first round pick holding up his jersey at press conference" and got this

dude's holding up a massive jersey while also wearing it over what looks like an even bigger alternate jersey

It's a beautiful visual art piece showing the physical embodiment of him being drafted 3 rounds too soon

# ? Oct 4, 2022 18:38

LightReaper: May 3, 2007

Pablo Bluth posted:

https://twitter.com/BuffaloBillsPR/status/1577342804854030336

Prince seemed to step up to the occasion so cutting him is unexpected.

Didn�t the YPC of the ravens shoot up from like 3 to 6 whenever he came on the field?

# ? Oct 4, 2022 19:11

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Zimmer was good last year. Did not realize he was still in the Buffalo orbit.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 19:44

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

PFF rated Prince so he was probably trash

https://twitter.com/SneakyJoeSports/status/1577318772121083904

# ? Oct 4, 2022 19:55

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

I was away for a weekend and this thread has 500 new posts lol.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 19:58

WalletBeef: Jun 11, 2005

James Cook has looked like a mega bust so far.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 20:31

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Beane has been pretty awful with his second rounders and his running back selections, so yeah, Cook being a bust checks out.

But also, like, Cook gets one snap a game. Just weird coaching poo poo for a team that kind of hates playing young players.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 20:35

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

WalletBeef posted:

James Cook has looked like a mega bust so far.

To be fair to all the RBs, the OL run blocking has been absolute trash so far. Hopefully all the injuries that have been rumbling on from the start of camp is finally behind the team and there's a consistent five that Kromer can whip in to shape.

https://twitter.com/benbbaldwin/status/1577303770589024267

# ? Oct 4, 2022 20:59

Kurgarra Queen: Jun 11, 2008; GIVE ME MORE
SUPER BOWL
WINS

Pablo Bluth posted:

To be fair to all the RBs, the OL run blocking has been absolute trash so far. Hopefully all the injuries that have been rumbling on from the start of camp is finally behind the team and there's a consistent five that Kromer can whip in to shape.

https://twitter.com/benbbaldwin/status/1577303770589024267

And yet we still insist on running Zach Moss of all people up the gut.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 21:43

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Po4adxJxqZk

# ? Oct 4, 2022 21:53

fsif: Jul 18, 2003

Forgot about this play on Sunday and it's even more insane on second viewing.

https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1577053904591679488?s=20&t=joAJ0nQMBXg1HyC0l5Ftxw

# ? Oct 4, 2022 22:50

pasaluki: Feb 27, 2008; THIS WHAGON HAS NO BREAKS! I HAVE THE HEART OF THE BUUFALO the strength OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE FURY OF THE THUNDER AND MY WILL IS UNBREAKABLE! I will not surrender to KNOW ONE

fsif posted:

Forgot about this play on Sunday and it's even more insane on second viewing.

That whole drive was unreal. That drive is when I knew they would win the game.

I'm going to have to watch that on the All 22 but the dude's pretty much right he had 7 Ravens near him.

That's why even though it's an injury concern he's just too good at running to not do it. The running is too good and he styles on dudes.

I mean what else is there to say.

pasaluki fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Oct 4, 2022

# ? Oct 4, 2022 23:25

Redeye Flight: Mar 26, 2010; God, I'm so tired. What the hell did I post last night?

pasaluki posted:

That whole drive was unreal. That drive is when I knew they would win the game.

I'm going to have to watch that on the All 22 but the dude's pretty much right he had 7 Ravens near him.

That's why even though it's an injury concern he's just too good at running to not do it. The running is too good and he styles on dudes.

I mean what else is there to say.

He's also apparently built of neutronium. He runs, he throws, he stiffarms. Josh Allen is.

# ? Oct 4, 2022 23:54

latinotwink1997: Jan 2, 2008; Taste my Ball of Hope, foul dragon!

fsif posted:

Forgot about this play on Sunday and it's even more insane on second viewing.

https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1577053904591679488?s=20&t=joAJ0nQMBXg1HyC0l5Ftxw

Blown up play is right. I still don�t know what they were hoping to do there otherwise. Just a mass of purple engulfing the left side.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 00:48

pasaluki: Feb 27, 2008; THIS WHAGON HAS NO BREAKS! I HAVE THE HEART OF THE BUUFALO the strength OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE FURY OF THE THUNDER AND MY WILL IS UNBREAKABLE! I will not surrender to KNOW ONE

Even the play before that 4th down was vintage Allen he starts off fumbling the ball but then just picks it up and runs for 4 yards anyway.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 00:58

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

I'm going to use the name Bailey Zappe in my next JRPG playthrough. It's a very JRPG name.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 03:28

pasaluki: Feb 27, 2008; THIS WHAGON HAS NO BREAKS! I HAVE THE HEART OF THE BUUFALO the strength OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE FURY OF THE THUNDER AND MY WILL IS UNBREAKABLE! I will not surrender to KNOW ONE

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I'm going to use the name Bailey Zappe in my next JRPG playthrough. It's a very JRPG name.

Too bad the Pats don't have Vincent Valentine anymore!

# ? Oct 5, 2022 04:13

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

pasaluki posted:

Too bad the Pats don't have Vincent Valentine anymore!

I hope they give FF7 remake Vincent a big gaudy ring.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 04:17

Professor Funk: Aug 4, 2008; WE ALL KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN

Five Jets rookies in here as selections or HMs (Sauce, Wilson, Hall, Johnson, Clemons). You love to see it. Feel like Jermaine Johnson would make it as a selection if he was played more snaps, because he�s popped in a more limited role so far.

https://twitter.com/nickbaumgardner/status/1577630757249589248?s=46&t=yG6P2jOCuc9axJl1dzRSag

# ? Oct 5, 2022 14:46

Nosre: Apr 16, 2002

Mind posting the full list? I see the atheltic is on the Zappemobile before the paywall comes up :cool:

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:19

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

quote:

Bailey Zappe, Patriots
Honorable mention: Kenny Pickett, Steelers

Entering Week 4 of the NFL season, we were ready to place an �n/a� designation on this spot. But lo and behold, two rookie quarterbacks came off the bench this past weekend: Zappe and Pickett (who�s now the official starter in Pittsburgh).

Zappe averaged only 6.6 yards per attempt in his NFL debut, but he became the first (and still the only) rookie to throw a touchdown pass. He also led an offense that pushed the Packers to overtime at Lambeau Field. The fourth-round pick might not have the strongest arm, but he showed sound decision-making and played well Sunday, considering the circumstances.

Breece Hall, Jets; Dameon Pierce, Texans
Honorable mention: Tyler Allgeier, Falcons

Pierce (Round 4, No. 107) stood out as a potential draft steal the second he slipped to Day 3. He�s matched that buzz, establishing himself as an early Offensive Rookie of the Year candidate with 313 yards rushing (135 more than Hall), two TDs and 10 receptions on 10 targets. On Sunday, he ripped off a 75-yard touchdown run against the Chargers as part of a 131-yard day.

Although Hall has been a more prominent receiving threat (15 catches for 113 yards and a TD on 27 targets), he hasn�t seen Pierce�s volume of carries. That might be changing, though � Hall had 17 rushes in a Week 4 win at Pittsburgh. All told, he�s averaging 5.5 yards per touch (rushing and receiving).

Chris Olave, Saints; Jahan Dotson, Commanders; Drake London, Falcons
Honorable mentions: Garrett Wilson, Jets; Romeo Doubs, Packers; George Pickens, Steelers

As expected, wide receiver was, by far, the toughest position to narrow down for our initial All-Rookie Team. It was painful to leave Wilson (20 receptions, 255 yards, two TDs) off the list, and even Doubs (19 catches, 184 yards, two TDs) made a strong case to earn a top-three spot. But it�s hard to argue against the three who made it.

Through four weeks, Olave ranks top 10 in the entire NFL in receiving yards (335) and is one of only six receivers with at least six receptions of 20-plus yards. Dotson has just 12 catches this season, but he�s made them count with four touchdowns, which ties him with Stefon Diggs for the NFL lead. And despite spotty quarterback play, London has been as-advertised thanks to his basketball skills on grass. He leads all rookie receivers in missed tackles forced (five) and has yet to register a drop.

Jelani Woods, Colts; Isaiah Likely, Ravens (tie)
Honorable mention: Daniel Bellinger, Giants

This position is notorious for being difficult on rookies, and we�re seeing it again this season. No first-year tight end has 10 catches or 100 yards receiving yet. Bellinger leads in both of those categories (eight receptions for 79 yards), but Woods is the only rookie TE to have found the end zone twice. Those scoring grabs came in a Week 3 upset of the Chiefs, with his second touchdown that day handing the Colts a win in the final minute.

Statistically, Likely hasn�t carried over his eye-popping preseason performance (12 catches for 144 yards and a TD over the final two games). He did have a four-catch, 43-yard day against the Dolphins in Week 2, though, so the Ravens still should be excited about his potential.

Offensive line
Tyler Linderbaum, Ravens; Kenyon Green, Texans; Zion Johnson, Chargers; Tyler Smith, Cowboys; Jamaree Salyer, Chargers
Honorable mentions: Ikem Ekwonu, Panthers; Spencer Burford, 49ers; Luke Goedeke, Buccaneers; Dylan Parham, Raiders; Charles Cross, Seahawks; Abe Lucas, Seahawks; Cole Strange, Patriots

Many questioned (and rightly so) the Cowboys� decision to give Smith a shot at tackle coming out of camp, as the deficiencies we saw from Smith in college seemed like they�d be better masked inside at guard. Early on, however, the former Tulsa star has proved the skeptics among us wrong. He had a bit of a dip last week against Washington, but he�s had some outstanding stretches.

Linderbaum and Green were dealt tough hands with camp injuries, but they�ve rebounded. It�s all there for Green to be a stud � but as was the case in college, there are still technical issues to iron out. Once he does, look out.

The toughest call here was Johnson over Parham. The Chargers guard gets the nod, although it�s important to note that Parham has already played both center and guard for the Raiders and should only improve with time. And while Salyer earned a nod off the back of just one game, that game � a start � was as good as Rashawn Slater�s rookie debut for the same team last year (and perhaps better from a pass-pro standpoint). That was special from Salyer, so let�s see if he can follow it up.

Defensive line
Jordan Davis, Eagles; Logan Hall, Buccaneers
Honorable mentions: Micheal Clemons, Jets; DeMarvin Leal, Steelers

The first defensive tackle selected in 2022, Davis (Round 1, No. 13) has collected a number of flash plays to back up his high draft pick. He logged multiple pressures each of the past two games and also showed off his motor to make things happen away from the line of scrimmage. One of the issues with Davis as a prospect was the uncertainty over whether he could play the 35-plus snaps per game needed to justify his stock. That question remains unanswered � he�s playing 21 snaps per game for Philadelphia � so it will be interesting to see if that changes.

Hall, who landed at No. 33, was considered a potential top-40 prospect, in part, because of a wide-ranging skill set that allows him to play multiple positions (he grabbed votes at both DL and edge on our ballot). The Buccaneers have tapped into that versatility, lining him up across the defensive line and even standing him up in space.

Edge
Travon Walker, Jaguars; Aidan Hutchinson, Lions
Honorable mentions: George Karlaftis, Chiefs; Jermaine Johnson II, Jets

This is a tough conversation, because � as was the case when we evaluated this position before the draft � there�s good news and bad news all over the place. While Hutchinson leads all rookie edges through four games with �true pass set pressures� (nine), per Pro Football Focus, and sacks (three), both he and Walker have had rather pedestrian win rates (PFF grades each at 8 percent). The top two picks in April�s draft have shown solid, improving work against the run, though, and each has offered glimpses of a much higher ceiling.

Karlaftis and Johnson shouldn�t be slept on here, at all. A case could�ve been made for either to make this list. Karlaftis continues to push the pocket for the Chiefs, but � as was the case at Purdue, on occasion � he�s not quite finishing

Linebacker
Devin Lloyd, Jaguars; Malcolm Rodriguez, Lions
Honorable mention: Quay Walker, Packers

Lloyd has been, in a word, phenomenal. After (inexplicably) slipping to No. 27 in the draft, the Utah product has paired with Travon Walker to help the Jaguars reshape their defensive identity. Lloyd has 38 tackles and six pass breakups, and he picked a pass in each of Jacksonville�s two wins thus far � that puts him halfway to his total of four INTs as a Ute last year. As it stands through four weeks, he�s probably the leading contender for Defensive Rookie of the Year.

Meanwhile, Rodriguez (33 tackles, three tackles for loss, two QB hits) has been a bright spot on a miserable Detroit defense. It was an absolute robbery that the Lions were able to snag Rodriguez in Round 6 (No. 188). He�s already playing 72 percent of defensive snaps and making a huge impact on special teams.

.@malcolmlrod forced the fumble and @sdaly61 recovered ❗️#SEAvsDET | 📺 FOX pic.twitter.com/a5kcIuPUtN

� Detroit Lions (@Lions) October 2, 2022

Cornerback
Sauce Gardner, Jets; Derek Stingley Jr., Texans; Jaylen Watson, Chiefs
Honorable mentions: Jack Jones, Patriots; Tariq Woolen, Seahawks; Roger McCreary, Titans

Gardner and Stingley were unanimous selections, but there wasn�t much separating Watson and Woolen for the final spot � especially after Woolen delivered a pick six in Detroit on Sunday (his second INT of the season). And Jones set himself up as a name to watch for our midseason All-Rookie Team with a pick six of his own during a brilliant debut start at Green Bay.

Watson, pick No. 243 in April, might still be riding the momentum of his own 99-yard interception in Week 2, which helped him land AFC Defensive Player of the Week honors.

Those top two choices of Gardner and Stingley � picks 4 and 3, respectively � haven�t forced a turnover yet, but quarterbacks already are approaching them with caution. Gardner has five pass breakups, and Stingley came out of the blocks with a combined 15 tackles and three PBUs over Weeks 1 and 2. They�ll each be a centerpiece of a rebuild.

Michael Carter II said that Sauce Gardner baited Kenny Pickett into the throw he made on Carter's interception in the fourth quarter.

In general, the rookie CB crop looks deep. Also on the ballot were names like McCreary (leading all rookie corners with 26 tackles), the Bears� Kyler Gordon and the Bills� Kaiir Elam. Expect to hear a lot from all three.

Safety
Jaquan Brisker, Bears; Jalen Pitre, Texans
Honorable mention: Kyle Hamilton, Ravens

Brisker looked like the Bears� best pick on draft weekend, and that�s held up so far. That he fell to No. 48 still feels pretty wild, but it was a good-looking find for Chicago. Brisker is a big safety who can play downhill, but he�s also athletic enough to hold his own in coverage. The Bears have moved him all over the place early defensively � the former Penn State star has seen time at deep safety, in the box, off the edge and in the slot.

Pitre�s another player whose success is no real surprise, based on what we saw from him at Baylor. Similarly to Brisker, Pitre is a fearless safety who can line up in the box and not get destroyed. He�s going to stick his nose in, he understands run fits, and he can cover. It�s been an encouraging start for both guys.

Kicker
Cade York, Browns
Honorable mention: None

The only kicker drafted in April (Round 4, No. 124), York is also the only rookie at his position to have scored a point this season. Through four weeks, York has 33 of them � he�s 8-of-8 on field goal attempts and 9-of-11 on extra points, with a touchback rate of 73.9 on kickoffs.

Punter
Ryan Stonehouse, Titans
Honorable mention: Trenton Gill, Bears

Unlike York and the kickers, the punters did have some action at the 2022 draft � there were four selected. Stonehouse wasn�t one of them, however, which looks foolish in hindsight given how he�s performed. The Colorado State product is averaging a ridiculous 56.2 yards per punt, almost a full 5 yards more than the standing NFL single-season record of 51.4, set way back in 1940 by Sammy Baugh; the Super Bowl-era mark is 51.1 (Shane Lechler, 2009).

Kick returner
Marcus Jones, Patriots
Honorable mentions: Trestan Ebner, Bears; Jerome Ford, Browns

Jones averaged � averaged(!) � 34.0 yards per kick return at Houston last season and 28.4 yards during a college career split between Houston and SMU. The Patriots have given him a shot over the past two weeks, and he�s responded with his usual electrifying stuff. On four attempts against the Packers last season, Jones posted a 27.8-yards-per-attempt clip (up from 22.5 against Baltimore the previous week).

Punt returner
Montrell Washington, Broncos
Honorable mentions: Britain Covey, Eagles; Kyle Philips, Titans

Jones might have this spot by midseason, too � he had returns of 20 and 29 yards in Week 4, his first attempts of the season. For now, though, it�s Washington, based on volume (nine return attempts) and consistent production (15.2 yards per attempt, second in the NFL behind only Devin Duvernay�s 15.4).

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:27

Professor Funk: Aug 4, 2008; WE ALL KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN

Between Surtain, Horn, Sauce, and Stingley, its pretty wild how many cool as hell CBs have come into the league recently.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:43

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Wow. Kader Kohou being seriousliy disrespected here. WOW

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:45

epic bacon: Sep 19, 2022

Kohou is playing like a top 10 cornerback right now and he was undrafted lol

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:50

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

It is pretty funny that so many rookies do so little that half these writeups are like, guy had 4 catches in a game! heyyyyyy! Bailey Zappe throws for 100 yards, looking good rook!

# ? Oct 5, 2022 15:52

is pepsi ok: Oct 23, 2002

Professor Funk posted:

Between Surtain, Horn, Sauce, and Stingley, its pretty wild how many cool as hell CBs have come into the league recently.

This is much needed to counterbalance the insane amount of WR talent coming out.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:06

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

is pepsi ok posted:

This is much needed to counterbalance the insane amount of WR talent coming out.

Meanwhile running backs and linebackers are just getting shittier and shittier.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:06

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Byron Jones *still* out

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:26

epic bacon: Sep 19, 2022

Amy Pole Her posted:

Byron Jones *still* out

fortunate to have this fella

https://twitter.com/houtz/status/1577618351014043649

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:36

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

https://twitter.com/davehydesports/status/1577672685924110336

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:36

Diva Cupcake: Aug 15, 2005

Duane Brown back but I�d be shocked if he plays this week.

https://twitter.com/nyjets/status/1577684733957373955

# ? Oct 5, 2022 16:41

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Adding to our CB issues, X's groin seems like it's going to linger all year.

Good chance we go into the Jets game with Kader Kohou, Keion Crossen, and Nik Needham.

might have to activate Igbinoghene...

# ? Oct 5, 2022 17:52

tarbrush: Feb 7, 2011; ALL ABOARD THE SCOTLAND HYPE TRAIN!

CHOO CHOO

Is Jones not going to be back this week?

# ? Oct 5, 2022 17:58

Professor Funk: Aug 4, 2008; WE ALL KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN

Ehud posted:

Adding to our CB issues, X's groin seems like it's going to linger all year.

Good chance we go into the Jets game with Kader Kohou, Keion Crossen, and Nik Needham.

might have to activate Igbinoghene...

Lord all I want to see is Igbinoghene have to cover Garrett Wilson for one (1) snap

# ? Oct 5, 2022 18:00

Pablo Bluth: Sep 7, 2007; I've made a huge mistake.

https://twitter.com/kfitz134/status/1577697672747687939

Still quiet a few injuries around.

https://twitter.com/SalSports/status/1577699540823691264

But not enough for Austin to be elevated. I'm guessing he knew he was behind Hodgins.

https://twitter.com/MikeGarafolo/status/1577701874576375808

# ? Oct 5, 2022 18:10

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

tarbrush posted:

Is Jones not going to be back this week?

I'd be surprised if we see him before Halloween.

# ? Oct 5, 2022 18:20

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# ? May 25, 2024 15:59

is pepsi ok: Oct 23, 2002

I remember there being talk during camp that he might be ready to start the season, wtf happened??

# ? Oct 5, 2022 18:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > AFC East 2023: Next season is going to be a beautiful train wreck.

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