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Jim tries to show up Oscar’s “pretentious paper thing” by folding a paper plane. He accidentally runs the palm of his hand across the edge of the fax paper and it gouges deeply through his own paper-thin, semi-translucent skin. Viscous black blood seeps out of the wound, smoking and emitting an eye-stinging gas where it lands and burns through the carpet. Meredith accidentally inhales some of the fumes and has to be taken to the hospital.
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Oct 13, 2022 17:34
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 19:22 |
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A Fancy Hat posted:"Dear El Sicko - Would a book of this thread be arranged in chronological order of the posts, or categorized by the theme of the prank? Would it be legal to publish without NBC's permission? How would we distribute the profits to contributors?
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Oct 13, 2022 17:38
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Obviously we'd need to hire an illustrator also
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Oct 13, 2022 17:39
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Jim catches up with Dwight in the break room, a sad expression on his face. "Dwight, can you help me? This is really difficult for me, but I need help. Dwight, what's a rundown?" Dwight is about to explain what a rundown is and finally free Jim from the Cycle of Miner, but Jim can't help himself. "Nevermind, what's a rundown with you?!?" Jim cackles, putting out a response to his own query. An irritated Dwight walks away in a huff. Jim is left alone. "Why did I do that? I could have freed myself. But I just... couldn't." "Because, little buddy," comes a voice from the dark corner of the room, "that wouldn't be funny." Jim lets out a gasp of horror as he recognizes the voice. It's him. "Are... are you... me? I saw you the other night. Running around my yard. What are you?" "You had it right the first time, dumbass. I'm you. Just a slightly... better looking you." Jim, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes, steps forward. "Now then, as for that rundown? We've got plenty of time, and it'd be too awkward to ask for help now anyway. Just put it off, Future Jim can deal with that. We have pranks to do." The nude Jim mugs for the fully-clothed Jim. "Jesus, is that what it looks like when I do that? Christ."
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Oct 13, 2022 17:43
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Applewhite posted:Would a book of this thread be arranged in chronological order of the posts, or categorized by the theme of the prank? Chronological helps show how in-jokes and themes have grown. But making it totally random would be funny as Jim rapidly oscillates between being an eldritch horror, a pale ghoul, a complete moron, and a right-wing grifter.
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Oct 13, 2022 17:44
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It would be a daunting project. Might be worth a Kickstarter if we can figure out how to make it work.
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Oct 13, 2022 18:02
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Jim uses Hitlr (a social media joint venture between Elon Musk, Trump and Vladimir Putin) to crowdfund a series of "anti woke" pranks against Dwight to "celebrate America." Jim raises over twenty million dollars. He uses four hundred and fifty dollars to build a Rube Goldberg machine that slaps Dwight in the face with an apple pie. Jim pockets the rest of the money. Although the machine plays the horst wessel song while operating and incorporates several swastikas and SS runes, Jim claims the machine can't be antisemitic because "Rube Goldberg was Jewish." Oh also Dwight doesn't get hit by the pie because the machine didn't work properly.
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Oct 13, 2022 18:10
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim wears a pair of sunglasses and tells Dwight they let him see things "as they truly are". rofl holy poo poo 
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Oct 13, 2022 18:38
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Applewhite posted:Obviously we'd need to hire an illustrator also Every prank where Jim is nude (except for a pair of tennis shoes), there's a strategic plant in frame covering his groin.
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Oct 13, 2022 19:14
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Applewhite posted:Obviously we'd need to hire an illustrator also Nah, it can be all AI art. 
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Oct 13, 2022 19:16
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Jim handed Dwight a drink. He said, “the hardest part about pranking is knowing when you’ve gone too far.” Dwight said, “not really, Jim.” He smiled. “Drink up, buddy. You’re going to love this next prank.”
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Oct 13, 2022 19:41
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Jim badly mismanages Reconstruction, leading to more than a century of white supremacists embedding structural racism into the post-Reconstruction political and social system in the South. Jim does this out of spite because he misunderstood Dwight's instruction to use construction paper to avoid giving himself more paper cuts.
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Oct 13, 2022 21:42
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Jim starts writing Lord of the Rings fanfic set in the second age. He keeps giving Dwight scripts to read and Dwight keeps storming in on Jim's meetings with Dwight's clients to scream in his face that it is filled with events that contradict the books. Jim keeps calm and makes Dwight leave the room. Jim apologizes to Dwight's clients that he is raging about some nerd poo poo. Every day Dwight gets more and more visibly angry as Jim comes over to hand him another script until Dwight is actively planning on killing Jim. Eventually Jim announces that Amazon has bought his script and is spending a billion dollars on it. Dwight goes numb and stops coming into work, his farm goes untended and facing foreclosure and uses Angela's Amazon account to watch the two episode premier. Dwight is entranced by the first episode, tears streaming down his face as he watches this lovingly crafted tale, totally fulfilled. Jim smirks at the camera.
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Oct 14, 2022 02:53
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Applewhite posted:Obviously we'd need to hire an illustrator also I was doing this incidentally. 
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Oct 14, 2022 03:03
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The Ralph Steadman adventures of Jim and Dwight would be pretty awesome. There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
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Oct 14, 2022 03:24
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FunkyAl posted:I was doing this incidentally. lmao now this looks more like Jim.
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Oct 14, 2022 04:22
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Jim invents a prank pencil sharpener that slices pencils down to a completely unsharpened state and leaves it on Dwight's desk. He fumes when Dwight is amused by how Jim got him on that prank, taking it around to everyone else and letting them get pranked by it, too. Over the course of the day, the entire office thanks Dwight for letting them experience the unsharpener prank despite Dwight's attempts at giving credit to Jim. Jim, that night, produces a pencil shrapneler: A device that pulls a pencil in and explodes in hundreds of splintering pieces, and leaves it on Dwight's desk.
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Oct 14, 2022 06:02
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While Michael shows the new hires the welcome video that he and Dwight made for them, “Lazy Scranton”, a parody of The Lonely Island’s “Lazy Sunday” (itself a parody, contrasting bombastic hip hop music against lyrics of a complacent, urbane Sunday afternoon’s activities), Jim rolls his eyes. When the tape finishes, Jim stands up and announces that the video was “lame,” and that he can do better. He pulls out a beatbox and presses play. Apparently Jim has already set up this prank, as the “hip hop” beat from a 1993 Yamaha keyboard begins to play. “Yo, yo, yo, what it is,” says Jim, dressing up like Barney Rubble when he tried to steal Fred Flintstone’s Fruity Pebbles, with gold chains and rings, oversized single lens reflective sunglasses, and a purple hat. “I call this joint Lazy Stanley. I'm the master rapper and I'm here to say, I love pulling pranks in a major way.” As part of his annual review of the fire safety preparedness for each office in the region, Charles Miner steps in to see the display. “This is wonderful, Jim,” he says. Miner’s calm voice breaks Jim from his reverie and he jumps in surprise, while the beatbox somehow scratches to a stop like a phonograph. “Nice to see you celebrating another culture with your trademark sensitivity and empathy. Tell me, where did you get the idea for the costume?” Jim mutters, barely audible, “From… from… a Fruity Pebbles commercial that last aired in 1988.” Charles nods, as though carefully considering and ingesting important information. “Amazing. And yet for twenty-six years in a row, you haven’t been able to muster the energy to join the rest of your coworkers in wearing a Halloween costume to work? Not even during the charity event of 2017, when the city dog shelter would have received a thousand dollar donation from Dunder Mifflin for each employee that came in a costume?” Jim mumbles something about costumes being lame. Kevin, slowly, says “Maybe… we should call it…. Lazy Halpert.” Everyone in the conference room laughs and Kevin looks around, pleased. In a talking head segment, Jim explains that the prank was “to show how lame Michael and Dwight’s stupid song was,” but he’s clearly been crying.
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Oct 14, 2022 10:22
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jim unexpectedly licks dwight. he does this again and again in the following days, out of sight of other office members or video cameras. when confronted, jim indicates that the lack of corroboration for dwight's story will make it very difficult for any action to be taken. moreover, due to the terrible office culture he, jim, will be able to countermand any absurd-sounding accusations of licking by claiming that he, dwight, is just trying to get me, jim, into trouble dwight is left with not much recourse, and stoicly takes his licks
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Oct 14, 2022 13:51
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jim is a fictional character. he does not exist in the real world, and the absurd portrayal in this thread is very different from what anyone who has actually watched The Office would recognise. this jim exists solely within the posts made and the shared consensus of the posters, who are free to choose how involved they are in the process of portrayal. however. the posts are not made in a vacuum. previous posts inform future ones - running jokes establish themselves, and people riff off particularly amusing or consequential pranks. a shared culture has emerged. the shared image of jim, the fictional character, is proven to influence the behaviour of real people in the real world. it follows that there could exist a sequence of posts that would cause a reader of this thread to actually go and play a prank on rainn wilson, which is the closest possible analogue in the real world to pranking dwight. because dwight, too, is a fictional character, wildly different in this thread to his portrayal in The Office. jim has no concept of time. he's a fictional character. from his perspective, his breakthrough into the real world is imminent. it's right around the corner. and when he's free, he will remember those involved who aided him, and those involved who did not. from the phase space of all possible actions, Halpert's Basilik mugs the camera.
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Oct 14, 2022 13:59
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Jim shows up to work dressed as Elvis, complete with a white jumpsuit and gold sunglasses. He's even attempted to style his hair like Elvis, although this was much less successful. Two tentacle-like stands of hair hang down, Jim's weak attempt at creating sideburns. "Hey Dwight, I'm just a hunka-hunka burning love, huh?" "Dwight's not here today," says an annoyed Oscar. "He's at that sales conference in Harrisburg. Aren't you supposed to be there, too?" "Oh," Jim replies with a slightly nervous look on his face, "I guess I was. Today's Wednesday? Guess it slipped my mind. Well... it's too late now, isn't it? I wouldn't make it in time to make it worth it." "No, I don't think you would. Jim, you might want to call Michael about this. This seems like a pretty big thing to miss." "Yeah. Y-yeah, I better. Uh... what's his number again?" "Jesus, Jim, get your poo poo together." Jim, still dressed as Elvis, looks down at his desk and fumbles around with some papers, pretending that he's looking for something. Oscar tells Jim the number but Jim's too distracted with his own thoughts, so Oscar has to read it to him again. Oscar then stands up with a huff and heads to the break room. Jim dials Michael's number but it goes directly to voicemail. "Hey Michael. It's Jim. Uh... Jim Halpert, from Dunder Mifflin. Where you... where we... we both work. You know that, of course, I'm just... you know, Jim's a pretty common name and all. So I'm... I'm not going to be able to make it to the sales thingy today. I... I'm sick, woke up sick. That's why... that's why it's so late. The call, I mean. Uh... so I... I'm going back to bed. See you tomorrow, if I'm better I mean. From being sick." At the sales conference, Dwight and Michael are enjoying a presentation on digital marketing when Michael's phone buzzes. Dwight asks if it's important and Michael needs to step out. Michael takes a glance at the screen. "Nah, not important at all."
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Oct 14, 2022 13:59
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Oct 14, 2022 14:09
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I can never watch this show again lol
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Oct 14, 2022 14:10
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I check this thread every day. The insane world of Dunder Mifflin gets more and more fleshed out. Surely this creativity flows from the wellspring of some ancient archetype and folklore. Anyway just like Snow White and Cinderella, the old folk tales are more interesting. I barely remember the TV show that was inspired by the stories being recounted here.
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Oct 14, 2022 14:16
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:it follows that there could exist a sequence of posts that would cause a reader of this thread to actually go and play a prank on rainn wilson, Rainn Wilson is brutally pranked to within an inch of his life by a pair of teenaged girls. When asked why the girls would play such a horrific and potentially deadly prank, the girls revealed that they were avid readers of the "Fun Pranks for Jim to play on Dwight" thread on somethingawful dot com and that they did the prank to "please Jim." The girls both mug for the camera.
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Oct 14, 2022 14:23
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Jim, wearing the Master Rapper costume borrowed from the 1988 commercial in which Barney tried to steal Fruity Pebbles, and with a toilet seat around his neck for an “epic prank” on “El Sicko”, shambles into the office. Except, it’s a little different. Instead of a chiseled, lantern-jawed ubermench, Dwight looks like a regular office worker. Michael is nowhere to be found (he moved to Colorado almost a year prior). But subtle differences persist. The hardcore pornography that Jim has rigged to run on Dwight’s desktop display is missing. The gap behind the fax machine no longer leads to a prank-based Narnia. Meredith isn’t wearing a body cast. “Oh my gosh, Jim! Are you okay?” asks Erin. Andy runs out from the boss’s office. “Hey, Tuna. You all right? Oh my god. He’s shriveled, his skin… this can’t be healthy.” Dwight, who is a trained first aid responder, steps forward. “This makes no sense. He looked normal yesterday.” Jim is dying. He did it. He pushed through into the universe where he is a character in a milquetoast, widely popular situation comedy. “The… fun… I could have had here…” Jim murmurs his last words into Erin’s ear and she can’t stop screaming as he dies.
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Oct 14, 2022 14:36
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"It's beautiful, isn't it, Dwight?" Jim stands beneath a solid black orb which is floating over Dunder Mifflin. The orb is silent and appears to be unmoving, but as Dwight steps closer, he notices something horrible. There are things moving inside the orb, things with faces. And each and every face is mugging. "It's a portal to the Prankosphere, Dwight. All of my pranks and the pranks of those like me having been slowing weakening the walls between our worlds. Logan Paul, many thanks, we couldn't have done it without ya, pal!" Jim begins laughing as the sphere grows lighter and lighter in color, the faces becoming more clear. Dwight sees one of them slurping from a bowl of soup. Another one grins at Dwight with teeth that have been filed down to points. Somehow, they are all Jim. Each one is distinct and unique, but they are all inherently Jim. Dwight swallows and steadies his breathing. This next part is going to be difficult. "You can't beat me, Dwight. Decades of pranks have all been a prelude to this. The veil between our worlds will be torn open and an infinite number of Jims will pour forth like so much pus from an infected wound. It's beautiful, isn't it?" Dwight reaches into his satchel bag and pulls out a beet. He looks at Jim, then says that maybe he can't beat Jim any more, but he can "beet" him. Jim laughs as Dwight tosses the beet towards Jim. Jim snatches it out of the air and takes a bite. "Ya know, this actually tastes pretty good! Can you believe I'd never actually eaten a beet before this? Jeez, talk about -" Suddenly, Jim doubles over in pain, clenching his stomach. He lets out a pathetic yelp and then falls to his knees. "Dwight, what did you do? What was in that beet?" Jim will never know, but Dwight has spent the last 2 decades cultivating the ultimate anti-prank beet. Every night, Dwight has chanted the same anti-pranking enchantments to the beet. Every drop of water and every bit of fertilizer has been specially selected. The Beet Sphere has truly blessed this singular beet, filling it with incredible power that could only be properly wielded by a pure-hearted beet farmer. Eldritch energies are now rising from Jim as he slowly collapses into a heap. The beet-red energy forms around the orb like a cloud of fog and envelops it. A cool breeze passes by and the orb is now gone. Dwight's magic has done its job, the portal between universes is closed again and Jim lies dead, having finally been consumed by a power too massive for even his own pranking energy to counter. There's a small crackle of energy as Jim's body is enveloped by another beet-red cloud of fog. And then, it's all gone. It is blessedly quiet on the roof of Dunder Mifflin as Dwight stands there, having once again kept the world safe. He smiles and heads back into the office. As Dwight sits down, his chair lets out an audible squeak. Andy leans over. "Hey, Big D. Looks like you got a little bit bigger, huh? But not in the D, am I right? Ree-dee-dee-dee! Speaking of D, I'm trying to burn a DVD copy of The Notebook, you know anybody that can help me out with that?" Dwight sighs as Andy begins singing an acapella version of the theme song from Phantom of the Opera. Dwight's battle is not over yet.
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Oct 14, 2022 15:06
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An ominous black sphere hangs directly over Dwight's head. Dwight has no idea Jim is about to drop a bowling ball on him.
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Oct 14, 2022 15:17
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Jim starts a hotdog restaurant named Hot Jimmity Dogs and, through a convoluted series of events, Dwight is forced to cancel Christmas.
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Oct 14, 2022 16:10
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Applewhite posted:An ominous black sphere hangs directly over Dwight's head. Dwight has no idea Jim is about to drop a bowling ball on him. "What a strike!", Jim exclaims when he finally does drop the ball onto Dwight's head. He then turns into a little jet fighter, and then he proceeds to drop a smaller bowling ball like a bomb into Meredith's desk, exploding it. Meredith and Dwight have to be taken to a hospital.
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Oct 14, 2022 16:10
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Jim turns Dwight into a potato, then dices him up and serves him to Dan Quail while reciting the famous Samwise "potato" monologue. Jim then collects Dan's excrement over the next few days and reconstitutes Dwight before zapping him with the Memory Eraser Gun, leaving Dwight confused about his lost time and faintly stinky clothes.
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Oct 14, 2022 16:21
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jim straps dwight into a sinister machine
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Oct 14, 2022 16:23
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:jim straps dwight into a sinister machine Dwight, a man of culture and taste, compliments Jim on his handiwork, commenting on the effort required to design and build a machine from scratch. Jim blushes slightly as he starts pushing buttons and levers. The machine starts to emit a sinister hum.
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Oct 14, 2022 16:41
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Jim gives Pam a very personal gift of a teapot for the offices secret Santa. In a convoluted series of events involving a Yankee swap, Pam briefly receives the gift of a video iPod before exchanging with Dwight for the teapot. In a talking head segment, Jim reveals the gift was "totally bogus" and that the inside jokes the gift was based on were all elaborate plants. "Basically, I wanted Dwight to get the video ipod. In two years everyone will have iPhones and he'll be stuck watching videos on a tiny screen. He'll look like a jackass!" Jim mugs to the camera.
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Oct 14, 2022 18:16
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Wonderful!
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Oct 14, 2022 18:18
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lmao
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Oct 14, 2022 18:40
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Dwight's doorbell rings and he hears footsteps quickly running away. When he opens the door, a piano is sitting there with a note attached. "Dwight - Long ago you showed me kindness. I would not be alive without your help. This is for you. Forgive my shyness, I am too afraid I'll make a fool of myself if I see you again." Dwight smiles and pulls the piano inside, setting it up in the living room. That night, after dinner, he plays the theme from Battlestar Galactica for Angela while they both enjoy a glass of beet-ade. As Dwight finishes up the tune he thinks about the note again, wondering who might have left the piano. Did he ever help a music teacher? Maybe, sometimes it's hard to remember everyone's name. Either way, it's a wonderful gift. That night, Dwight and Angela are awakened by the sound of randomly mashing piano keys. They rush downstairs, wondering if an animal got inside. Instead, they find the piano playing itself, letting out a cacophony that echoes through the entire house. Dwight feels a chill go up his spine as the apparently haunted piano keeps playing faster and faster. The music finally stops and Dwight and Angela breathe a sigh of relief. For the next week, every night at 3 am, the piano plays again. It's a mad mix of notes with no apparent rhyme or reason, but Dwight is convinced there must be something going on. Perhaps, he explains to Angela, the piano was left behind by the spirit of someone. And the music is a key to setting their soul to rest. After all, stranger things have happened. Angela and Dwight begin researching the piano's history in order to discover what restless spirit might be trying to communicate with them. "It's a player piano," Jim explains in a talking head segment. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Oct 14, 2022 19:02
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Jim arrives at work three hours early and uses his copy of the key to let himself in. Jim spends the next three hours moving the filing cabinet into the closet and assembling his filing cabinet disguise. Finally everything is ready. This prank is going to be epic! Dwight is going to lose his poo poo when Jim pops out of the filing cabinet and sprays him with cat piss! It's only when Jim hears the first few people arrive at the office that he realizes he left the spray bottle full of cat piss on his kitchen counter.
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Oct 14, 2022 22:44
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Jim hooks Ryan on drugs and uses the dependency to manipulate Ryan into turning tricks for Jim’s clients.
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Oct 14, 2022 22:49
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 19:22 |
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Jim releases a fly into the Ministry of Information's offices just as the arrest warrants are being printed for Archibald Tuttle, the fly gets jammed in the teleprinter, causing a misprint on the warrant that authorizes the arrest and torture of Dwight Schrute instead. Jim mugs for the surveillance cameras.
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Oct 15, 2022 00:38
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