EorayMel posted:

the leper's colon

Sir Lemming posted:

Worst name for a bar I've ever heard

Subjunctive posted:

Good cocktail name, maybe.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Funny thing is that Hasbro actually has collaborated with another company- the Lego Optimus Prime that just came out, which is even designed to, ahem, convert without needing to be taken apart. The description even basically says 'Yes, this is a collaboration between two directly competing companies, because it was just that fun an idea'.

RFC2324 posted:

So loving glad high posting isn't banned anymore

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Funny thing is that Hasbro actually has collaborated with another company- the Lego Optimus Prime that just came out, which is even designed to, ahem, convert without needing to be taken apart. The description even basically says 'Yes, this is a collaboration between two directly competing companies, because it was just that fun an idea'.

RFC2324 posted:

So loving glad high posting isn't banned anymore

DoctorWhat posted:

In the manual for Lego Optimus, his catchphrase is listed as "Convert and roll out".

Gravitas Shortfall posted:

Lobok posted:

Optimus is a missionary.

Captain Invictus posted:

neither is drunk posting, right?

RFC2324 posted:

I sure hope not. Not that I have ever done such a thing

Posting while sitting at the bar has obviously never happened

Zil posted:

Are you posting from the bar right now?

RFC2324 posted:

So loving glad high posting isn't banned anymore

Captain Invictus posted:

neither is drunk posting, right?

DoctorWhat posted:

In the manual for Lego Optimus, his catchphrase is listed as "Convert and roll out".

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

It’s A bar

BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:

It’s A bar

Late Unpleasantness posted:

Transformers, assemble!

Inceltown posted:

It doesn't really matter these days because most goons have evolved past the need to share just how wasted they are. Anyone who still feels like that is an accomplishment will have given up here or been forced off a long time ago.

Inceltown posted:

It doesn't really matter these days because most goons have evolved past the need to share just how wasted they are. Anyone who still feels like that is an accomplishment will have given up here or been forced off a long time ago.

Inceltown posted:

It doesn't really matter these days because most goons have evolved past the need to share just how wasted they are. Anyone who still feels like that is an accomplishment will have given up here or been forced off a long time ago.

Karate Bastard posted:

Guys I've had so much tea




I really need to go

platzapS posted:

dr_rat posted:

Yeah there mistake was putting inside the toy everyone would 100% want to play with first.

Like the gently caress were they thinking, put it inside a funko pop or something, that everyone hates.

Mr. Lobe posted:

Those didn't exist then

dr_rat posted:

Well then good luck to any cops trying to find any drugs stashed in em

Heath posted:

what kind

justinhaddeland posted:

Son, I OWN helldump. My thread is first page, and will be for a long time. I have a small harem of followers, and you are one of them. Did you think that perhaps I had this avatar and did not keep tabs on the thread it links? Now, I won't post in it, per se. Think of me more as the manager that keeps the company running, while he is out in his boat cruising around. Speaking of, get back to work, concubine.

=)

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

MattO posted:

Pekinduck posted:

"middle school kid trying to look badass" but on the opposite end of the age spectrum.

Cthulu Carl posted:

This dude definitely Studied the Blade.

Flavahbeast posted:

babybel cheese and laughing cow

FirstnameLastname posted:

What If The Matrix Was About Pizza

Rev. Bleech_ posted:

BACK FROM THE DEAD

Pirate Radar posted:

We should go even further and give out drunkposting immunity. I should get to sass mods if I’m too drunk to drive.

RFC2324 posted:

I assume this is why the mod sass rule was repealed

Also, yesterday was all petting bunnies and therapy, so I was stoned all day, not drunk, duh. Today is drunk day

CountryMatters posted:

making my dad put the wiimote to his forehead to charge the special beam cannon at christmas = best fighting game ever made

Heath posted:

what kind

Grassy Knowles posted:

Thank you for reminding me to get high and pet the bunnies

Larry Cum Free posted:

Do you think the lettuce voted leaf or romaine?

Tomn posted:

Well, if you insist, lemme tell you about the worst cook I've ever had, bar none.

Now I do want to be clear on something - I don't think he was a bad guy, per se. He wasn't actively malicious, and a lot of his faults were due to a combination of advanced age and being in over his head. But holy hell, he was not at all right for the role.

To start with, he wasn't actually a cook - he was a taxi driver who'd somehow stumbled rear end-backwards into becoming a sea cook. And "stumbled rear end-backwards" isn't an entirely inappropriate phrase because he had serious mobility issues from being both very elderly and from having gotten into an accident on one of his previous boats that ended up shattering his hip - something about falling into a hatchway or something. This led to him having to shuffle everywhere, and having issues with going down stairs - which was a bit of an issue given that the pantry was down a flight of stairs and the freezers were down a hatch on deck that needed a ladder to get down which he wasn't physically capable of swinging his legs up to mount. If you're thinking this sounds like a safety issue and should probably have been checked before he ever got on the boat, well, yes - as best as we can figure, he probably got his medical certificate from before he had his accident and it hadn't expired yet. He was also very nearly deaf, which again was a pretty major safety issue given that he was deaf enough not to hear fire alarms - which will come into play later.

Did he make up for all these faults by being a fantastic cook who made excellent food? No, not at all. He drowned everything he made in a sea of butter - like we're talking tubs with an inch or so of butter grease sloshing around at the bottom. Food was spiced or salted by throwing on a heaping handful of the stuff onto the food, and then serving as is - no attempt to mix or distribute the spice evenly. And when I say a heaping handful, I mean that - at one point the captain found himself biting into what turned out to be a literal spoonful of salt which he'd assumed was sugar or something. He also didn't really seem to fully understand the concept of defrosting, asking for cuts of meat to be pulled up from the freezer in the morning to be served for lunch - which led, in particular, to anything he made with minced meat being a gamble on how raw it'd turn out to be. He also made way too much food for how many people there were, serving up in an ersatz buffet style with the copious leftovers becoming so much food waste (this will come into play later).

Food hygiene was also not a particular strong point - as deckhands we found ourselves regularly cleaning out the fridges, sometimes as often as once every two days to deal with sloshing meat juices or milk splattering everywhere and raising a stink, which incidentally came from his shoving in uncovered meat of various kinds every which way in the fridge as they would fit. The galley was theoretically kept clean by him, but this seemed to mostly be pushing a slightly damp mop around in circles for a bit and calling it a day, leaving streaks of black gunk everywhere and requiring deckhands to occasionally intervene and give the place a proper deep clean. And then there was the food waste and the Accident...but I'll get to that later.

Beyond his issues as cook, though, he was also somewhat fuzzy in the head in a number of ways. For instance, he never really seemed to grasp what the watch schedule was, putting out food and taking it away as he saw fit regardless of what time the watch changes were, whether anyone on watch knew that food was ready, or who might have been asleep and off-watch, resulting in, again, a lot of food waste because he didn't seem to believe in preserving leftovers for an oncoming watch (I'll get to the food waste, I swear!) He also had the very odd habit of leaving potatoes and vegetables in the dishwasher for reasons nobody was able to quite figure out - given that the dishwasher was left on and moist, my best guess is that he was using it as a makeshift food warmer, but who knows for sure. When he needed to go provisioning, he asked everybody BUT the captain - the one guy in charge of authorizing use of funds - about when and how he could go provisioning. And of course, there was the time he set off the fire alarms by, we think, leaving the oven on, forgetting about it, and then going to watch television in the saloon while the entire crew was up and running and trying to identify where the fire was while he sat there stone deaf as ever and unaware of what was happening. The captain and chief mate did bring up their various issues with him, but it always seemed to go in one ear and out the other - at best, he'd change his ways for a day and then go right back into his normal groove.

Which brings us to the defining aspect of his tenure as cook - the food waste. You see, he had a very simple method for dealing with food waste - he'd throw it out the window. No need to bother with trash bag storage! Now, this is illegal to do close in to shore, and not really a great idea even further out due to potential environmental issues, but I suppose if nobody ever catches him or notices, no harm, no foul, maybe?

Well, here's the thing - there's a small ledge running along the length of the ship, just below said porthole, and just wide enough to catch dropped food waste, and the ship was just stable enough that the majority of food wouldn't be rocked off by the motion of the ocean but would instead stay stuck on there in a growing mound over time in baking hot summer heat until we finally got back into port at which point the deckhands would be tasked with cleaning that mound away - three times in one day, once, as he repeatedly, despite instructions not to, threw out more food waste after we'd cleaned up the last one, often splattering the fenders below while he was at it (did I mention this was all on the side of the ship facing the dock?) which we'd have to haul up close to our bodies later. That's to say nothing of plastic wrappers getting caught in the wind and flying back on board on the aft deck of the ship, or milk cartons recognizably ours bobbing in our wake.

Now if that sounds disgusting, well, that's where we get to the Accident. There's really no easy or soft way of putting it, so I'll just say it plain: He shat himself in the galley one day. He did so while wearing shorts and boxers. We know this because the deckhand on duty (VERY FORTUNATELY NOT ME) discovered a trail of brown streaks leading from the galley, across the corridors, to become a great big brown smear all over the cook's cabin door. The cook was discovered in the laundry room, with the one tub of laundry powder we still had on board scattered all over the floor with the cook frantically asking "Where's the laundry powder? Where's the laundry powder?" and the distinctly unsympathetic Polish deckhand responding "It's all over the floor, can't you see? What the gently caress happened here?"

I'll admit, that last story is horrifying and terrible but also tragic - the guy was old, lost control of himself in the most embarrassing way, and ended up publicly humiliated. Unsurprisingly, he wanted to get off the boat as soon as possible, but we had one last bit of surveying to do and the company was unable to find another cook on short notice. So in what might have been a bit of muddle-headedness, or what might have been a deliberate attempt to get himself fired, he insisted that we were out of supplies and needed to go provisioning (we didn't have much left after he churned through the supplies, but we DID have enough for the few days we were going to be out albeit on an unexciting diet if he cooked reasonable portions), and presented the captain with a shopping list.

Now I don't remember everything that was on the list, but for eight people on a trip lasting three or four days, and considering that the ship was going to be laid up and probably sold after this job, he wanted, among other things:

- 8 sirloin steaks
- 8 salmon steaks
- 2 kilograms of butter

He ended up leaving the boat and the crew ended up cooking for ourselves. We ate better those three days than we had the entire past five weeks.

Outrail posted:

What's his username?

Machai posted:

Chumshitter

Karate Bastard posted:

Triple post cause drat

rodbeard posted:

S   p     a       c         e

Sally posted:

the final font tier

Hirayuki posted:

OH JEEZ

Karate Bastard posted:

Triple post cause drat