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Jim breeds a new strain of cockroaches to spread through the entire building, and eventually the neighborhood. This breed of 'prankroaches' instictually make life unbearable for everyone, committing the most tiny of pranks at great expense. The public demands answers on the prankroach problem and the city offers up a lot of suggestions that slow the spread but doesn't stop it. Nine months after the first recorded instance of prankroaches, outer Scranton sees an infestation in the apartment of an intern who works in Dunder-Mifflin. Dwight discovers that the wildflowers that year suffer an substantial germination problem: It's the first sign of a larger ecological disaster. Looking deeper, he discovers that while the bee population is still healthy, he finds that prankroaches have invested the hives and are distracting the bees from being as efficient as they'd normally be. Now the bees just spend all their time trying to stay alive and deal with the prankroaches. The industrious, yet passive, domesticated honey bee of the Scranton area is ill-equipped to deal with the threat of the prankroaches and if something isn't done soon the entire ecosystem will collapse. Dwight wrings his hands, afraid, and opens a sealed biosphere in entomology research room and walks away. Murder hornets, carpenter bees, even killer bees won't end this. God help us all, Dwight released the miner bees....
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Nov 2, 2022 22:08
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 22:32 |
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Jim releases his own specially modified frogs, immune to all kinds of bees and wasps. But they love eating them. As the harvest fails next season due to no pollination, emergency food shipments must be sent to Scranton. Meredith, while inebriated and stumbling, is stuck by a semi truck full of emergency flour and beets.
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Nov 3, 2022 02:47
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Jim announces that as a co regional manager, Screechy is now the assistant to the co regional manager.  Dwight and Andy react in shock. Screechy sits in on a party planning committee meeting and coughs up an owl pellet. Angela is disgusted but intrigued, she recommends they find a food that someone else can swallow and cough up for someone else to eat. Dwight grows more and more worried by the situation when Angela tells him to bring in a box full of mice. Jim who transformed himself into a mouse and is caught by Dwight's homemade mousetrap squeaks at him constantly in a not quite intelligible mouse voice. "My mouse friends and I really love your cardboard box, Balloon Boy! I wonder why we are heading into work for a birthday party?" Dwight anxiously looks at the cardboard box full of mice in his back seat thinking a mouse is speaking to him. They arrive in time for the party and Dwight meets Angela in the meeting spot in the warehouse and says there's something fishy going on here. Angela says shut up and make hot mansexxor to me in the hazardous storage area of the warehouse. Dwight drops the box and the Jim mouse and all of the other mice Dwight caught escapes. Jim smirks at the camera while mice crawl up his shoulders and into his hair.
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Nov 3, 2022 03:45
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which AI did you use for that one
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Nov 3, 2022 04:01
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Jim turns himself into a mouse and sneaks up the inside of Dwight's pant leg to bite Dwight in the testicles. Dwight screeches like his grandfather and hops up, shaking the mouse out of his pants. Jim spends the rest of his life (now expected to be about 12 to 18 months) as a mouse living in the rafters of the office building, occasionally chewing on tiny specks of food with what appears to be a smirk.
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Nov 3, 2022 04:43
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I loved the one where Jim drowns himself in Dwight's well in order to crawl out of the TV but then Charles Miner is there asking for a runndown which sends Jim scurrying back into the TV. My loved ones loved that as well
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Nov 3, 2022 05:30
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Jim begins to question if maybe the bio-agent prank went too far. It's quiet. He can only hear the leaves rusting. There is no traffic on the roads. He again forgets that Pam and the child exist, but it doesn't really matter now. He revs the engine and rips away. There -must- be someone left to prank.
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Nov 3, 2022 07:46
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jim secretes a portugese man-o-war in dwight's bed, positioning the tentacles such that dwight will come into contact with them and experience agonising pain prior to realising anything is wrong jim does not secrete the portugese man-o-war in the "deposits in a hiding place" sense; he instead secretes it in the "releases some biological material from a special gland" sense. retching can be heard behind the camera as jim mugs it
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Nov 3, 2022 10:20
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JediTalentAgent posted:On Deep Space Nine, Miles O'Brien is being forced by his wife to work on a family genealogy project for his daughter Molly's school project. Anything dealing with his family requires Miles to tear one on down at the bar for a few hours so he doesn't have to think about it so much, so he plops his rear end down in a seat at Quark's and orders some of the cheap stuff and begins doing his research on the PADD.
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Nov 3, 2022 11:59
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Jim places a series of mirrors around the office to ensure that sunlight is constantly shining in Dwight's eyes. "What's the matter, never heard of sunglasses before?" When Dwight puts on a pair of sunglasses, Jim submits an "anonymous" tip to HR that Dwight is "nursing a hangover". Although the investigation turns up nothing, Jim refers to Dwight is "Dwight the Drunk" for the next 19 months. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Nov 3, 2022 13:20
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dwight begins to pummel jim to death, having finally had enough "geez, dwight" gasps jim, blood oozing from a split lip. "talk about giving me a 'beeting'!"
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Nov 3, 2022 13:50
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:dwight begins to pummel jim to death, having finally had enough "I've heard of jacking off, but offing Jim?" says a floppy-haired voice from behind Dwight. "Good one Balloon Boy!" Dwight turns towards the voice slowly, afraid to confirm what is true. That he will never be free of Jim. That if one dies, another will come to take it's place. That no day in the life of Dwight Schrute can go unpranked. sudonim fucked around with this message at 01:31 on Nov 4, 2022 |
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Nov 3, 2022 14:49
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"Jeez, I know Halloween ended a few days ago, but this sure was a Thriller!" Dwight turns around to see zombie Jim mugging at him (Jim's slack face has fallen into a resting smirk). "You definitely know how to Beet It! Am I right? You're Dangerous! You left Blood on the Dance Floor!" With each pun, Jim shambles a little closer to Dwight. Dwight realizes that he's wearing the signature red leather jacket from Michael Jackson's Thriller music video. "Keep punching my corpse, Dwight. Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough. Remember the Time that you were Bad? You could be a Smooth Criminal." Dwight screams. Jim stops for a moment. "What is it? Is there some kind of problem you have with Michael Jackson?"
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Nov 3, 2022 15:11
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Dwight stops screaming for a moment. "Hey Jim... How did you pronounce Beet It, in such a way as to also make a beet-related pun?" Zombie Jim groans and rolls his body so that his lolling head is facing the camera.
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Nov 3, 2022 15:12
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Jim synthesizes a special oxygenated paralysing jello leaving the victim alive and unable to move. Jim envisions all of the hilarious pranks he could do while Dwight is forced to watch for the rest of his life. After encasing a sleeping Dwight within the jello, he realises that he has no scientific expertise when Dwight dies within minutes.
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Nov 3, 2022 15:27
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https://twitter.com/jestingtime/status/1588174496132841473?t=CB36E_PVLwXKPTr0AP6ByA&s=19 Jim sends this image to Dwight.
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Nov 3, 2022 15:30
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While walking to the soup kitchen, Dwight sees a small child playing in the street. The child isn't paying attention as a car comes barreling towards the boy. Dwight quickly rushes into action, pushing the kid out of the way but getting hit by the car in the process. Dwight dies on the street as the distraught driver (he was driving a Tesla) falls to the street crying. Dwight wakes up in a stark white room as a man in a suit (Dwight is reminded of Michael Scott when he sees him) hands him a glass of beet juice and a small cookie. When Dwight takes a bite of the cookie, it tastes exactly like the sugar cookies his grandmother made for him as a boy. Tears well in Dwight's eyes as he hasn't tasted cookies that good in decades. He asks the man if he's in heaven. "That's an oversimplification in a lot of ways, but yes," says the man with a warm smile. "Dwight, you've reached a sort of... transitory state. Right now, you're perceiving things as a human body does. You're limited by what you THINK you can do. But, if you're ready, you can move beyond all of this. The entire universe, every atom of it, is open to you now. Time and space will cease to exist as limitations for you. I understand that may be frightening, but you'll have no issues at all. Trillions of others have gone through this process before and I haven't heard any complaints yet." The man chuckles and Dwight feels truly at peace for the first time in a very long time. He smiles. He's ready. "Alright, my friend. Get ready for -" the man suddenly stops in the middle of his sentence, then looks around. "Never mind. Dwight, I'll see you again in about 50 years." Dwight suddenly feels himself falling upwards at an incredible speed, then suddenly stopping. He wakes up to see Jim mugging at him, holding a defibrillator paddle in each hand. Dwight blinks, already beginning to forget his otherworldly experience. In fact, he can barely remember what happened. Was he walking to the soup kitchen? Why is he on the street? "Hooo boy, you gave us a scare! Luckily I had my Elon Musk branded defibrillator with me. You hook this baby right up to your Tesla and you can restart irregular heartbeats like that! Of course, I had to pay the $5000 activation fee, but I'm sure you're good for it, right? Mr. Philanthropist over here! Eh? Eh?" Dwight stands up and feels a dull ache in his chest but feels otherwise alright. His shirt has been torn off, presumably by Jim, revealing his rippling chest and 8 pack abs. "Jeez, Dwight, maybe put those fat rolls away before Jenny Craig shows up, eh? I mean, I've heard of eating mussels, but HAVING muscles? Wild!" Jim skips away, leaving Dwight alone with his thoughts. Dwight realizes he'll need to pick up a new shirt. Jim has probably already disguised himself as a mannequin, or replaced the shirts with ones made of some kind of itchy material. Or maybe Jim's just bought all the shirts in Scranton and is charging insane upcharges for all of them. Dwight sighs. It'd be nice to get one day of rest from all of this.
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Nov 3, 2022 16:13
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Editor's note: the Tesla-branded defibrillator is not approved for human use in emergencies. Usage may cause severe burns, arrythimia, and/or death.
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Nov 3, 2022 16:36
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Space Kablooey posted:Editor's note: the Tesla-branded defibrillator is not approved for human use in emergencies. Usage may cause severe burns, arrythimia, and/or death. Dwight develops a life-altering heart condition after Jim "saves" his life. When Dwight attempts to sue Tesla he discovers that Elon Musk is actually just Chips inside a robotic suit. Jim says this was obvious from day one, arguing that it's "the whole reason I hung out with the guy so much." Dwight receives no money for his lifetime of pain and suffering and Jim hoses down Chip's suit in order to keep it from overheating.
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Nov 3, 2022 16:40
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Jim performs a dark occult ritual upon his human frame to leave the realm of the living, and infuses his spirit into the beets, so they scream with terror and pain when harvested. Dwight develops PTSD.
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Nov 3, 2022 20:08
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Dwight's passport renewal is denied and a frustrated Dwight tries to find out why. He finally reaches someone who explains that Dwight's background check turned up some "irregularities". "On your application you said you were married to Angela Noelle Schrute ,née Martin; formerly Lipton. While we DO have a record of that, we also show you having been married to a... James Halpert on October 8th, 2009. Sir, are you aware that polygamy is illegal?" Dwight explains that this is a huge misunderstanding and heads to the courthouse to clarify things. He discovers that he is legally married to Jim, with the wedding having occured at Niagara Falls on October 8th, 2009. Dwight remembers that date well, it's the day Jim and Pam got married. But wait, that must mean... "It must mean," Jim says with a wry smile as he steps from behind a bookshelf, "that the entire wedding was a prank? Yes. Pam THOUGHT we snuck off to get married under the falls as a romantic gesture. But, fool that she is, she never dug much deeper. While she was swept up in the romance of the whole event, I made sure to alter the marriage license. And you, Dwight, happily sat in the wedding venue with a dumb grin on your moon face. We were married, Dwight. And do you know why? Because I knew you would eventually have to renew that passport! For the last 13 years, you've secretly been married to me - Jim!" Jim laughs as storm clouds begin to form outside. Thunder rolls in the distance. "I remember - you wouldn't shut up about that passport. 'Oh, I have a passport!' 'Oh, I can travel to another country!' Blah blah blah. Well I researched things and discovered that, every 10 years, you must renew this passport. And so I snuck into your home and discovered that your passport would expire in 2012. Would my little stunt work yet? Maybe. Maybe not. But I realized something else. You and Angela were growing... closer. Marriage seemed inevitable. And I was right. In 2014 you two were happily wed. Then time ticked on, relentlessly, as it does for us all. But all the while I looked forward to 2022, when your passport would expire again. And then, oh my, what a world of pain and suffering you would enter. For they were bound to discover both of your marriages at this point. And, much to my joy, I've discovered that's exactly the case. So then, Dwight, have you come to beg? Come to plead? Come to ask me to annul our marriage?" Jim cackles again as lightning flashes behind him. Dwight explains that no, he figured this was exactly the case and just recorded this entire conversation. He'll explain the situation at the courthouse and have everything cleaned up quickly. And, since he wasn't planning to travel until the spring, he'll have enough time to get the passport issue resolved, too. He thanks Jim for explaining things so succinctly. "W-wait. Wait a minute. This... I was gonna get half your stuff! This wasn't the punchline!" Dwight apologizes for ruining the prank but adds that Jim probably needs to "get his poo poo together" as he's no longer able to maintain the illusion of being married to Pam. "Uhhhh. Does this mean I'm doing Ath-lead again? Or Ath-leap? poo poo. I always hated that development." Dwight says that Jim's not his type, personally, but
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Nov 3, 2022 20:14
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Dwight, despite being wracked by nightmares, does manage to put the possessed beets to market. But they won't stop screaming. Nobody wants to buy beets that beg and plead you not to cut them (except some edgy goth kids). It is a poor financial year for Schrute Farms.
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Nov 3, 2022 20:51
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Years of coughing up feces begin to take a toll on Dwight. Ever since Jim cruelly brought him back from the brink of eternal bliss with his defective Tesla defibrillator, Dwight's health has been wrought by new and worsening symptoms. The day his penis sneezed was the last straw. "It's time to put an end to this." Dwight could already taste the sugar cookies as his garage filled with CO2, and he felt his mortal consciousness slip away. Dwight wakes up in a beet red room as a man in a suit (Dwight is reminded of Toby when he sees him) hands him a slice of Pizza by Alfredo. When Dwight takes a bite of the pizza, it tastes exactly like dog poo poo. Tears well in Dwight's eyes as he hasn't tasted pizza this awful in his entire life. Dwight asks the man, "I don't understand, where is the white room?" The man grins. "My sweet Dwight. You know the rules. If you take your own life, you come.... here. We have such sights to show you..." Dwight tries to scream but he has no mouth. Suddenly a window appears. Dwight peers though and sees a vision of Jim taking a rip from his gatorade bottle bong and rewinding his worn VHS copy of Mars Needs Moms.
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Nov 3, 2022 22:02
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Jim sells Dwight a PS3. The PS3 has no games. Jim mugs the camera
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Nov 3, 2022 22:05
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Space Kablooey posted:which AI did you use for that one Stable Diffusion. Having a vague idea of what I want but just throw a bunch of words in there gives great results but I don't know what to do with them. It knows what feather armor is supposed to look like though. 
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Nov 4, 2022 02:58
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Nov 4, 2022 03:20
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The expressions are 1000% perfect, but the bodies are waaaaay too healthy looking
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Nov 4, 2022 04:25
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Jim announces that he is hosting a mandatory company picnic at the Scranton falls waterpark. Elon happens to be visiting that day and announces that anyone who wants to tweet should attend and they will get a free account. Jim repeats that's from the head of the company. Everyone shows up at the Scranton falls waterpark and dressed in their swimsuits, Jim gathers everyone around the wavepool and announces that Screechy has determined that parties should be planned by Jim alone. Elon looks around and grows worried that nobody has been looking at him for several 10's of seconds and says the water is poisoned. They should open their wallets and drop their paper money in the wavepool to decontaminate it. The Offices sigh and get up to go retrieve their purses and wallets from their lockers. Jim stands up and administers an injection to Elon's neck. Elon flops to his side weeping and farting. Jim smirks at the camera. Dwight runs a small distance away and picks up a garbage can and dumps it into the water. Meredith slips on the concrete next to the wave pool and breaks her wrist. covidstomper58 fucked around with this message at 04:36 on Nov 4, 2022 |
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Nov 4, 2022 04:25
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Jim begins to vibrate at an extremely high frequency again, and Dwight simply rolls his eyes. This one isn't very funny or clever. Jim starts making indistinguishable sounds and flailing around. Yeah, whatever. Very funny Jim. Jim's rapid vibrations suddenly create a fire on himself and rapidly spreading at his desk. Dwight (as floor fire marshal), leaps to action, and attempts to extinguish the Jim Fire Tornado... It doesn't work. He orders the immediate evacuation of the building and pulls the alarm as everyone heads out. Doing a headcount at the muster site, Meredith is nowhere to be seen. She is fine and actually just figured it would be a great opportunity to take a little "breaky" at the park nearby until whatever the gently caress that dumb poo poo was gets figured out.
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Nov 4, 2022 06:10
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Stanley returns to the office a few minutes after 1:00, having taken his lunch to meet with his divorce attorney. The proceedings have really dragged on, and the dissolution of his marriage has taken an incredible emotional toll on Stanley. Because the filing was also preceded by verifiable evidence of Stanley’s adultery, he’s going to lose hard on the final result. Stanley already worries that the modest two bedroom apartment that he’s renting month to month will be more than he can afford when the divorce finalizes. Dwelling on these unhappy thoughts, Stanley doesn’t see the tripwire stretched out past Dwight’s desk. He kicks it, yanking the pin out of a canister of clown gas that sprays him with stinky gas. The Rube Goldberg machine starts marbles rolling across ramps, knocking over series of dominos, and other over complicated machinery while Stanley is temporarily distracted. A potato gun launches a flaming bowling ball directly into Stanley’s groin at 300 mph, and he doubles over just in time for a banana cream pie to be levered into his face. Jim (who is for some reason dressed up as a fireman) pops out from behind the couch. “Oh… h-hey, Stanley. Uh… I guess you found the fun prank I was going to play on Dwight.” Jim looks uneasily down at Stanley, who is writhing on the ground in unfathomable pain.
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Nov 4, 2022 14:08
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Jim breaks into Dwight's house while he (Dwight) is at work. Once inside, he climbs into Jim's bed and gives birth to the litter of kittens he's been gestating while under the covers. Jim leaves without cleaning anything up.
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Nov 4, 2022 21:43
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Due to his many multiverse splits, primary universe Jim's dementia has gotten progressively worse, and his pranking ability is just getting sad. Just before lunch, he calls in bomb threats to every elementary school in town, using his desk phone. Dwight sighs and goes down to the lobby to help direct the police when they arrive. Instead of returning to work after this "prank", Jim begins playing with his stapler. At one point, watching silently, Pam is concerned when he appears to be pondering stapling his own face, but he instead begins to lick it and whisper things at it. Sirens finally are heard in the distance.
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Nov 4, 2022 22:01
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Jim jumps onto Dwight’s desk and knocks his coffee cup down to the floor, all while looking Dwight directly in the eyes.
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Nov 4, 2022 22:58
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Jim hisses at Mose.
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Nov 4, 2022 23:19
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I live in my parents house on Hyde Street in the basement. My name is James Halpert. I’m 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a diet of gummy worms and Oops! All Berries and a rigorous pranking routine. In the morning, if my face is a little smirky, I’ll put on an loosened tie while doing my camera mugs. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the tie I use a clown paper scrub. In the Prankatorium I use a water activated banana cream pie filling in my pants, then a honey fill in my shoes, and on the face an exfoliating acid scrub. Then I apply an ectoplasm facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because Pam drinks all the alcohol in the house and makes her look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging unholy ritual followed by a final demonic protective blood pact. There is an idea of a Jim Halpert. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
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Nov 4, 2022 23:25
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Flowers For Algeria posted:Jim hisses at Mose. Mose, a simple man, is terrified by this feline display of anger, and sprints into the fields. Dwight sighs and gets his shaky can of Mose treats to retrieve him.
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Nov 4, 2022 23:29
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Jim remotes into Dwight's computer and opens Notepad while he's away, typing "FEED ME A STRAY CAT" over and over again.
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Nov 4, 2022 23:42
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Malkavian Jim unleashes Chips the monkey inside of Scranton’s trendiest goth club (Poor Richards). After scratching and biting multiple patrons, Gangrel Dwight lures the monkey into a bag. The next night, Jim complains to Dwight about the monkey bite he suffered and how it’s giving him bizarre… urges. “I feel so strange, Dwight. The hunger has changed. Instead of blood, the Beast now craves Big Macs and sugar free gummy worms.”, Jim says as he shovels fast food and bulk candy down his throat. Later, a disturbed Dwight watches Jim socializing with a bunch of senior citizens. “Just hanging out with these hep cats, Dwight! We’re having a blast talking about the things of our youth, like hula hoops and dance crazes. How about that Lindy hop, daddy-o?” “Lindy hop?”, says an elderly woman. “That was old when I was a child, how do you know?…” She is interrupted when Jim’s dead, shriveled stomach vomits up gallons of bloody, half-digested junk food onto Dwight. —————————————— After a night of blood feasts and brooding on rooftops, Dwight makes his way back to his haven when he sees Jim, covered in sunscreen and nude except for tennis shoes. “That monkey bite gave me a new lease on life, Balloon Boy! Who’s got two thumbs and can get a tan again?… this guy!” Dwight attempts to rescue the insane vampire, but the morning sun has already broken the horizon, and he must flee to shelter. “Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?” Malkavian Jim mugs the camera as he bursts into flames. —————————— Meanwhile, Chips escapes Dwight’s bag and unleashes a wave of monkey-pox across Scranton Meredith has to go into torpor. Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Dec 9, 2022 |
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Nov 5, 2022 02:17
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Jim mates with a tuna to become the "big" tuna to his new son, a tuna.
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Nov 5, 2022 02:37
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 22:32 |
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Jim, spending money on ludicrous supplies for his pranks, accidentally creates a supply bubble for jello, metal detectors, and costume supplies, causing a butterfly effect that triggers the 2007 housing market crash.
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Nov 5, 2022 02:44
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