Heath posted:

My Girlfriend Charm

RFC2324 posted:

How terminally online are you that your girlfriend leaves you over fyad posting?

Sophy Wackles posted:

Any coders know how to make the blue checks show up?? Help, my company is dying!!

Captain Hygiene posted:

Spend less on programmers

Blarghalt posted:

okay

EllisD posted:

Okay i was kind of talking to myself this morning after I had a bowl about the possibility of like our lives being nothing but an infinite number of frames saved on a hard drive. Just think about it, each second that goes by is saved on some hard drive owned by something huge and they can just rewind it and on a parallel universe that life starts off from that point.

We're not electronic I know but thats loving crazy. Like remember that show the adventures of pete and pete where little pete meets this weird new kid in class from another planet and he has that old TV with the 1960-something Super Bowl on TV but on his planet its happening REAL TIME. Its kind of like that. In his life its like 30 years in the past and I can't wait until we can do something like that, what would you do if that happened? And share any other Adventures of Pete and Pete stories here since that show rocks and its so loving ahead of our time its unbelievable. We will accomplish this some day and look back on Pete and Pete and kick ourselves in the balls.

My list:
1)Win the lottery a thousand times.
2)Keep rewinding so I don't die.

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endlessmonotony posted:

Their budget was only $15 billion, give them a break.

Twitter cost $44 billion, and that's a text adventure!

Nerd Of Prey posted:

https://twitter.com/mastersofficial/status/1583508341464014849?s=46&t=K1ewfOreBRWO3CzJog3ZRg

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Why is he man the shortest in the group?

DJ Fuckboy Supreme posted:

He-Manlet

Abongination posted:

I was attacked at the table one time and saw at least 4 people drop trou and just take a poo poo either in the casino or in the carpark.

Powered Descent posted:

I choose to believe that these were all part of the same incident. Like, you glanced at the room behind the guy who was attacking you, and had a moment to wonder "Eeeew, what the hell are those four or more people doing".

2nd Amendment posted:

does anybody have the "have you considered not marrying your husband" quote handy? About naval intelligence and the life trajectory of all people in it.

OMFG PTSD LOL PBUH posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

EorayMel posted:

ChubbyChecker posted:

Pirate Radar posted:

Which Chris do they mean?

EorayMel posted:

ultrabindu posted:

https://twitter.com/antifaoperative/status/1590515551855517696

lol

Strong Sauce posted:

why doesn't he have a neck?

Zil posted:

Just a trait that runs in the family I guess.

Lammasu posted:

Today I learned that the hedgehog is the unofficial mascot of NATO. I don't know how to processes that.

fatherboxx posted:

Try adding OC and "inflation" to get proper info regarding NATO budget

sebmojo posted:

I'm trying to make that the alt text for the entire forum but the buttons not working

enitocin posted:

if you cum in a guys pee hole does he get pregnant

please hurry
thanks

edit: im a guy too

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EorayMel posted:

kid sinister posted:

Dillbag posted:

Oh, you said SIT in with the band!

null_pointer posted:

Neddy Seagoon posted:

Just playing the brown note.

ryonguy posted:

We, the people who paid to type words at people, are most definitely terminally online, but it's a benign tumor that makes us physically repulsive rather than being a death sentence (except for our genes).

Morpheus posted:

No, see, we are cool, it is them who are bad

Gravitas Shortfall posted:

unlike a blue tick, a forums account is a mark of shame

RFC2324 posted:

Try being dumb enough to agree to a star

Mr Teatime posted:

Worllld War Threead: Dunning krieg effect.

Pancho Jueves posted:

Fresh from the Schadenfreude thread:

LifeSunDeath posted:

Velocity Raptor posted:

Watermelon... it's sliced.

Melon husk...

Elon Musk died?!

crime fighting hog posted:

Now do Kevin Conroy.

Velocity Raptor posted:

*In a very Batman voice* Elon Musk died?

Dixville posted:

Lol the ironing is delicious

Captain Hygiene posted:

Elon will never die, he subsists on the power of not being owned, and there are currently high enough levels of him not being owned online to sustain his life force indefinitely

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

My name means "Person from [country] with a weirdly shaped head"

Baron von Eevl posted:

Oh cool, nice to meet you Mr Frank Kennedy.

that's a wild guess but I'd feel bad if I was right

Porfiriato posted:

So the goon that was responsible for the zipline of doom apparently got in touch with the Guy Mann twitter account and shared his side of the story.

It's all in this google doc, including photos. Since google docs can be a bit ethereal here's a snapshot at the Wayback Machine in case it ever goes down.

Some very lol details in there

quote:

Except for one thing: as previously mentioned, the zipline was built on an innertube run. Innertubes don’t get their speed from moseying down a soft slope. The final dimensions were 761 lateral feet between the two poles supporting the cable, and a whopping 143 feet of drop. If you have a calculator handy, that’s a 19% grade. Except of course that’s an average; the actual drop occurs in the first 600 feet and is much steeper, then rises back up to the platform allowing some speed to be scrubbed.

quote:

When it came time to do our first test, every staffer from the camp was gathered around excitedly. We started with a single 50# sack of potatoes, and sent it down the line. I don’t remember how long it took to travel the 761’, but I remember later calculating the sack was AVERAGING 60mph. It hit the pole at the bottom so hard the shock traveled back up to the upper platform and shook it so hard we all got low to keep from falling. And the splat of starch on that pole!

quote:

I get a call the next day while I’m at work, from the facilities guy. (I don’t remember the exact timeline of the forums part, but this is the gist). He says “Uh dude? Some cops just came up here to the camp? Asking about a post you made on a forum?” Something Awful strikes again.

quote:

Some goon had taken it upon himself to run the plate, find out it was registered to the camp, and call the police. I believe the quote was “they’re creating a child-killing machine!”

Also apparently the zipline literally bankrupted the camp because they wiped out their cash reserves trying to fix it and then didn't have enough to cover budget shortfalls when enrollment declined during the post-2008 recession.

aw frig aw dang it posted:

smash my child into pieces
get on the zipline, sport

Apprentice Dick posted:

I was gonna write a reply to that article, but when I clicked over to that guys page the first thing I'm greeted with is Hitler feeding Kirby whipped cream so I decided I'm not going to bother.

EorayMel posted:

Cpt_Obvious posted:

Seriously, shut the gently caress up about boomers. I don't care. I can't possibly describe how little I care. If there were 10 thousand miles of wafer thin magnetic tape underneath