- Karate Bastard
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US scan:
BrrrrrrrrrrrWHAT. WHAT IN THE. WHY THE. WHY ARE THEY
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Nov 25, 2022 22:16
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 24, 2024 04:06
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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M: I'm afraid your up against the most deadly villain there is.
James Bond: No, you can't mean...
M: That's right it's Doctor Yes!
Bond: Noooooooo....
M: No, not No, Yes.
Bond: Yes I know but...
... [it goes on like this]
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Nov 25, 2022 22:47
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Getting framed for Mulder.
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Nov 28, 2022 10:03
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Reel Good Fish.
Fish that reel good. Fish that themselves fish. And what do they draw from those sunless depths?
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Nov 28, 2022 14:48
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- Karate Bastard
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M: I'm afraid your up against the most deadly villain there is.
James Bond: No, you can't mean...
M: That's right it's Doctor Yes!
Bond: Noooooooo....
M: No, not No, Yes.
Bond: Yes I know but...
... [it goes on like this]
It keeps happening
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Nov 28, 2022 23:28
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- The Voice of Labor
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nazi scientists clone dinosaurs and teach them nazi ideology. the dinosaurs come to the conclusion that they are the master race and that humans need to be cleansed. hunted by their own creations and undone by their toxic beliefs the nazis finally come to the conclusion that nazism sucks
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Nov 30, 2022 00:16
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- Karate Bastard
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...while dinosaur nazism survives, for a while, until nazi dinosaur scientists invent mecha nazi dinosaurs.
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Nov 30, 2022 00:28
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- Abugadu
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1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.
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....yes, I received my Masters in Polycular Biology in 2018. No, I don't think I will be going for my doctorate, I'm balancing several jobs at the same time right now.
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Nov 30, 2022 07:18
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- The Voice of Labor
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props to the manzanita bush. imagine being so tough that your seeds won't germinate until they've passed through a bear's digestive tract and been immersed in fire
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Dec 1, 2022 06:38
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- The Voice of Labor
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a robot programmed only to kill learning that it can also steal and damage property and troll the internet and start fires
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Dec 3, 2022 09:50
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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The robot would destroy the human race if it wasn't suckered into posting on Twitter 24/7.
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Dec 3, 2022 10:47
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- Karate Bastard
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It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop
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Dec 3, 2022 11:32
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- Karate Bastard
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posting.
just like me lol
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Dec 3, 2022 11:32
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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But people don't actually know that it's not a gimmick. They just think it's a funny account and troll it for the lols. They haven't yet realised that keeping it engaged is critical to the survival of the species.
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Dec 3, 2022 14:28
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- Karate Bastard
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Peace, love and trolling
A counterintelligent action force of libs tasked with feeding the death robot a constant stream of high plausibility outrage
To contain its hate within their hearts, to wrestle with the demon for all eternity.
Karate Bastard fucked around with this message at 15:32 on Dec 3, 2022
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Dec 3, 2022 15:23
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- baka of lathspell
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Can't post for 11 hours!
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*doing standup*
hey you know how babies are always crying??? *beat for emphasis* but what do they have to cry about? it’s the adults who should be crying because they’re closer to death!
drumroll: BADUMTISH
am i rite????
 
join dork order
sig by ??? (<3 u)
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Dec 3, 2022 23:03
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- calhoun
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I am the scary clown with the tearaway face
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pros of clowns dancing: pretty fun, pretty funny, lots of movement, lots of action, lots of stuff that can happen
pros of clowns not dancing: pretty funny, stable, pretty safe
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Dec 4, 2022 07:54
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- Finger Prince
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Häagen-Dat-rear end
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Dec 4, 2022 13:11
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- Karate Bastard
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pros of clowns dancing: pretty fun, pretty funny, lots of movement, lots of action, lots of stuff that can happen
pros of clowns not dancing: pretty funny, stable, pretty safe
on the floor
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Dec 4, 2022 14:19
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- Karate Bastard
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But you forget that only one half at a time is visible from either side of the house
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Dec 6, 2022 00:02
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- The Voice of Labor
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dude's delivering pizza, gets into a huge wreck. he's getting wheeled into the er, still all covered in pizza chunks and boxes. the receptionist keeps going like "hey, did anybody order a pizza?", "30 minutes or it's free, looks like someone's getting free tonight", "I wonder how the noid came out of this"
no one finds it funny, including the receptionist
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Dec 6, 2022 00:29
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- Finger Prince
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I've been trying to come up with a bad joke that uses the punchline "gee, I'm a tree" (geometry), but I've got nothing.
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Dec 6, 2022 06:32
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- Karate Bastard
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Jack and Joe take french classes, and everyone in the class who passes the test gets to go to Paris. The test is real easy: What's "ant" in french? Problem is, Jack is nervous and folds easily under pressure. He sweats and squirms and racks his brain, but comes up with nothing. Joe is an idiot who never pays attention, and therefore missed this entire thing entirely, and is nowhere to be seen. The class is getting on the busses because the plane is leaving, when Joe storms in shouting "Wait for me!!!" thereby saving the day. This is the running gag of the thread that will not be bothered to have a thread made about it.
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Dec 6, 2022 07:54
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- baka of lathspell
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Can't post for 11 hours!
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I've been trying to come up with a bad joke that uses the punchline "gee, I'm a tree" (geometry), but I've got nothing.
this is what u use if ur one of those add daydreaming trees that’s never paying attention, & teach asks you what a hypotenuse is (in tree school)
join dork order
sig by ??? (<3 u)
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Dec 6, 2022 20:16
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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A nerdy kid in the 80s romhacks space invaders to have the Star Ship Enterprise in it and says "this is the most awesome thing ever".
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Dec 7, 2022 17:02
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- Drink-Mix Man
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You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.
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An armchair D&D player drinking beer and watching campaigns on Twitch. (He used to play some high school D.)
"Oh COME ON, you're not gonna do an insight check? Get in the game!" *burp*
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Dec 7, 2022 19:15
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- caspergers
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the square of the length of the hypotenuse is the sum of the squares of the other two sides
Does that make the hypotenoose long enough to hang myself with?
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Dec 7, 2022 20:22
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- caspergers
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Oops sorry, where's my grammar
*Does that make the hypotenoose long enough with which to hang myself?
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Dec 7, 2022 20:24
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- Larry Cum Free
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move it or lose it dillweed
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a triangle smoking weed: high, pot in use
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Dec 7, 2022 22:06
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- Karate Bastard
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When hanging yourself, you need to lean waaaaaay over to the wall.
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Dec 7, 2022 22:48
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Was there ever a muppet based on Arnie? Because that would be funny.
edit:
I found something I wasn't mentally prepared for.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY0NXc271_Y
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Dec 8, 2022 16:16
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- The Voice of Labor
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while all the other boys had crushes on paula abdul I had a crush on julie brown
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Dec 9, 2022 06:31
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- Prurient Squid
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Tiddy cat Buddha improving your day.
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Mr Spock is ordered to serve as a bodyguard for a vulcan woman who has really big boobs. And the whole time he's trying to be logical and not think about a boobs but the more he tries to supress it the more powerful it becomes and he keeps making slip ups.
edit:
And her name is T'Its Apopin'
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Dec 10, 2022 12:54
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- The Voice of Labor
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I....under..stand........spock. you...are struggling...with...your human....half...your em...mo..tions your...irrational half
no captain, I'm struggling with a partial errection in very, very tight pants
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Dec 10, 2022 19:30
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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May 24, 2024 04:06
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- Karate Bastard
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In a *sprooinngg* of shrapnel officer dress pants are revealed to feature button flys.
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Dec 10, 2022 19:40
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Nov 25, 2022 22:16
which is like the number three reason why I don't have offspring after #1. not wanting kids and #2. not getting any. the bear and fire part is less of a hurdle then #2 it seems, lol
