(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Jorge Bell posted:There is such a massive misunderstanding of the roles of therapists, psychiatrists, etc in American culture and it's not helped by our byzantine healthcare comp schema. The entire mental health system is designed to either ignore people or push them into medicating. The fact that most people doing psychotherapy don't even touch the insurance system is a credit to the trade. This - Insurance companies tend to make a mess of things, and mental health professionals end up being pushed into a corner where they have to end up bartering for more time. It's a shame.
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Dec 7, 2022 15:38
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| # ? May 24, 2024 04:29 |
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So I had a number of things at my parents house. Some of it was just stuff that I liked, some of it was sentimental and some of it were the last objects that I'd gotten from people who were dear to me who are now dead. My mom and dad are moving on what seems like a whim across country. It's weird, but whatever. It's their house. They have a track record of rapidly making bizarre, life altering choices. Not frequently, but when they do it stands out like a punctuation mark. Like just before I left, they left home and came back with a brand new car. They decided they needed one and got one in hours with what I assume was with little to no research. Which, whatever, that's fine. Their money. Whatever. What's not fine is that things that I'd stored there were all donated without talking to me. This was my stuff and I don't have much in the way of stuff. Probably not more than half a dozen cardboard boxes that were not even full and a rocking chair that was beat up but I liked. They were trying to get the house ready to show for roughly seven plus days and I'm very available to talk in that time. No call. No text. No indication that they were going to do this. They had plenty of time to call me to see if I wanted anything and it would've been very short. Maybe fifteen minutes with a tablet to check my poo poo that they were going to donate. Now I'd taken some things with me to my new home, but there were a number of objects that were just too big or that I didn't consider critical to take with me because I was planning on visiting home to get them later. The first time I wanted to visit home about a year later I got covid and didn't want to give it to them and so I obviously didn't visit because I felt like varying levels of poo poo for months afterwards. The second time I make an flight out because my dad basically abandoned my mom to go hiking for a month while she had a broken toe and could barely walk and she was desperately lonely. Also she's not in the greatest of health and she's been known to fall, so me going was a safety thing as well. Also my dad just so happened to show up at home when I came back which pissed me off because it negated the entire reason I came home. He paid for the flight and moved it back a week so he could cut hiking short. And because I was on a flight, I couldn't really take anything home either. They saved a few things that they assumed were sentimental to them and me but didn't really seem to give a poo poo about anything else. After calling them, they were able to salvage one of two swords that my dead friend gave to me. I don't really like swords, but it was from him so I wanted it. Honestly I wanted both but whatever. They recovered one, but because they got rid of literally everything I didn't take with me initially, all of these sentimental items are gone. And because it's been a while, I'm slowly remembering individual items my parents functionally destroyed. Like my childhood dog's collar. Gone. I still have his tags on my key chain but no more collar. All of my childhood comic books are gone. I didn't read them much but I'd had them since I was ten. One of the two swords from my dead friend is gone. It would've been both if I hadn't asked what they did with my poo poo. The world globe my grandpa gave me for my birthday is gone. I now have nothing left from my grandpa. It would've been better if my things were lost in a fire because that's no one's fault. It's a tragedy, but that's all. In this case, it was deliberate. Not malice or cruelty, just a level casual disrespect and carelessness with the feelings of others. My parents cared just enough to save what was important to them but not ask if there was anything that was important to me, which again would've taken just a few minutes. And my suspicion is that they probably suspected that some of these items were sentimental to me because I still had a few objects that they identified and saved, so I think that they just didn't give a poo poo. Again, they're not even really moving for a few more months. They just wanted my poo poo out of sight so they could show the house. It was already in boxes. It would have been easy to move and hide upstairs. I won't say that every single object in those half a dozen boxes had sentimental value, but I normally form attachments to objects. Unless an object is useful or deeply sentimental, I tend to get rid of it. So I can say that most likely, out of six boxes, one of those boxes could've easily been filled with sentimental objects. A life lived. I don't have a lot of stuff, but what little I have was dense with sentiment due to me constantly getting rid of things if that makes sense. And after speaking to my therapist, I remembered the globe and that I now have nothing left from my grandpa whom I really loved. So I figure that I'm just going to randomly remember poo poo that was important to me that they basically destroyed for no goddamn reason over the next few months. Like just randomly stepping on a Lego that makes me sad or angry. And I was planning on coming home to visit and get my things. It's just a serious hassle to do so because I'm sixteen hours away by car each way by car and that's a pain. My mom at least knew that I was coming back at one point because I'd told her explicitly that I wanted to see them and still had things I wanted to get. I doubt she remembers because her memory is terrible, but I won't be telling my dad this because he'd just use the opportunity to shift blame to my mom. I haven't talked to my parents for more than the span of thirty seconds, but after my brother called, he told me that my dad was constantly making up excuses for his bad behavior. So to sum it all up, I moved and took some important things with me with the wish to get the rest when I came back. In the meantime, they plan to move and this basically came out of nowhere so I didn't really consider the implications like them immediately functionally destroying everything I left behind. Once I did, they'd given everything I didn't originally take with me originally and recovered one thing after I asked. They're not actually going to moving for months so callously giving away my things was completely unnecessary. This could've been resolved in roughly fifteen minutes with a phone call and a smartphone or an ipad on facetime or something. They were obviously thinking on some level that I might want some things because they salvaged but didn't consider that I might have anything sentimental outside of what they themselves consider important. Or honestly, I figure that they did consider it but didn't want to bother with sorting through my things. And it's not like they haven't mailed me things before. I have a box of random condiments and spices that they sent me that were mine, weird as that is. I don't think I'll ever really know the full extent of the damage they did. And I think I now know what it feels like to lose everything in a fire. At least to some extent. Except that it wasn't a fire. It was my parents, which is so much worse. I really thought that I was done with them randomly hurting me for no goddamn reason with their weird callousness and thoughtlessness, but they managed to do it again.
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Dec 8, 2022 10:14
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Thinking about how a tendency to get really into something for a week or two, drop it for a while, and then circle back to it in a month or so is really bad at learning guitar. I also notice that I don't really have a lot of confidence in it which makes it hard to do anything beyond repeating basic patterns; plus I feel like I have to be in a very specific happy medium of having something to be a little emotional about but not completely frustrated
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Dec 9, 2022 05:26
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The British healthcare system is cool. My GP told me to self-refer to IAPT, the NHS therapy service. I spent an hour on the phone talking to a guy about getting I guess sexually abused as a teenager and at the end I was basically told they "weren't the service best placed to help" but if I feel like I need help in future I should call them. Like I phoned for shits and giggles this time. They sent me an email with links to private services and charities and luckily one still had an open waiting list so I'm just spinning my wheels here til the new year.
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Dec 9, 2022 12:10
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Ice Phisherman posted:So I had a number of things at my parents house. Some of it was just stuff that I liked, some of it was sentimental and some of it were the last objects that I'd gotten from people who were dear to me who are now dead. This really sucks! Not only did you lose some stuff that's important to you, the idea of their home being a safe space for you (and by extension your stuff) was also violated! Big time bummer, I'd be really frustrated if that happened to me.
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Dec 9, 2022 18:10
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Jorge Bell posted:This really sucks! Not only did you lose some stuff that's important to you, the idea of their home being a safe space for you (and by extension your stuff) was also violated! Big time bummer, I'd be really frustrated if that happened to me. Thanks.  I didn't really consider my room or the house in general a safe space. My room was just safer than the rest of the house. It wasn't unsafe in a physical way, but more through neglect and financial abuse where I'd be deprived of help and resources to thrive, but I was given the bare minimum to survive. Except when I wouldn't get the bare minimum for seemingly random reasons before it'd be randomly restored. My parents are well off but my brother and I lived under constant deprivation because my dad is incredibly cheap and weird and my mom just enabled him. Like 95% of my clothes were either hand-me-downs or randomly bought on vacations that I normally wasn't invited to. The same went for my brother. My dad had this weird obsession with me and my brother wearing "his shirts", because we simply didn't have enough clothing. And instead of doing the obvious thing and just getting us more clothing, because we were kids, he'd just scold us and tell us to wear our own, which were frequently ratty and universally ill fitting. When my brother moved out for college, taking as much hand-me-down clothing as he could get, my dad demanded all of "his shirts" back four years later as my brother was doing doctoral work. This would leave my brother with exactly two shirts because he was a poor student. And no amount of explaining that he'd have two shirts or that my dad didn't need shirts he had in four years would dissuade him. My brother would do or it was implied that he'd be cut off from financial help from home. And my brother went to therapy for years because of this. On my end, growing up, my parents would randomly root through my room and throw random poo poo away. Most of the time the stuff itself didn't matter other than making me feel like poo poo, but sometimes what they threw away really, really mattered. I understand now going through my room in retrospect to a limited degree while I was growing up because it's a parent's prerogative to make sure their kid isn't using drugs, have weapons, etc. And there were times where my room would get randomly "cleaned". But there were other times where poo poo would be missing and they've just thrown things away without consulting me. Or my mom would get in some manic cleaning mood and she'd say that I need to get rid of stuff out of my room. And there's basically no arguing with her when she's like that. Her mental illness is in the driver's seat and she'd demand some arbitrary number of sacrifices despite the fact that I'd decluttered my room long ago. I eventually did what securing I could against them throwing poo poo away and it mostly worked, but they're both basically incapable of listening and changing their behavior and so they seemed to have really hurt me on their way out for no good reason other than being careless and generally disrespectful of me and my opinions. I'm just glad that it's not likely to happen again because they have nothing left that's mine anymore. Basically there was low level but constant pressure starting around high school for me to occupy a smaller and smaller space. The house itself basically had no room for me outside of my room for me to exist. Like they'd want me to spend time with them, which basically meant watching CNN or some lovely reality TV show, neither of which I'm interested in. And there's a single couch that's for them, not me, and trying to talk to them about making any kind of space for me was met with blank stares. It wasn't overtly hostile, it's just that I was denied space even though that house was literally 90% empty space. Through their actions I was basically told to consume fewer and fewer resources that were abundant for my parents. Any attempt to flourish/escape these circumstances would be sabotaged. I learned to rely on them for as little help as possible because any help at all because on the off chance that I was given a chance to flourish/escape, I'd be sabotaged whenever I seemed to be making progress. There was this teeter totter pressure from them to "get on my own two feet" and then came the inevitable sabotage. I don't think it was out of malice, but instead their own bizarre neurosis manifesting in a way that I can't even really begin to explain. But sometimes it's basically indistinguishable from malice, so I don't know what the gently caress. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 22:48 on Dec 9, 2022 |
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Dec 9, 2022 22:40
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Seems like you have a pretty conscious awareness of what's bothering you about your situation, a therapist might be able to sort through some of that and give you strategies on how to deal with some of it better. Are you seeing one?
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Dec 10, 2022 09:07
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Jorge Bell posted:Seems like you have a pretty conscious awareness of what's bothering you about your situation, a therapist might be able to sort through some of that and give you strategies on how to deal with some of it better. Are you seeing one? I've been seeing one for about four months now and he's been good at helping me deal with my problems and tamp down my anxiety. It's a mix of talk therapy and CBT, the latter of which I find much less useful, but not completely worthless. I would definitely recommend therapy to others as well. It's been life changing for me.
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Dec 10, 2022 09:21
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StashAugustine posted:Thinking about how a tendency to get really into something for a week or two, drop it for a while, and then circle back to it in a month or so is really bad at learning guitar. I also notice that I don't really have a lot of confidence in it which makes it hard to do anything beyond repeating basic patterns; plus I feel like I have to be in a very specific happy medium of having something to be a little emotional about but not completely frustrated You're not going to be any ''good" at guitar for the first 6-12 months and possibly longer. This timeframe shortens if you're practicing daily and have a younger brain, but the first few months are going to be rough for pretty much everybody and you're gonna have to put in the work. If you have an electric guitar, get an amp that will pipe all output to headphones. This helped me separate my brain from the idea that I was playing the guitar and so helped me just keep playing rather than stopping because I did something wrong or someone might hear.
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Dec 12, 2022 23:48
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I teach guitar and will back up the 6-12 months before you can vet on being any "good." I tell students on a regular basis, regardless of temperament, to treat practice like a science experiment. What happens of I play these 4 chords in a row, and do that every day for a month? What if I strum a C chord and just try different rhythms? Most people make "faster" progress and get less frustrated. I also find that it gives space to let the emotions arise that feel cathartic or relaxing.
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Dec 13, 2022 00:09
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skooma512 posted:You're not going to be any ''good" at guitar for the first 6-12 months and possibly longer. This timeframe shortens if you're practicing daily and have a younger brain, but the first few months are going to be rough for pretty much everybody and you're gonna have to put in the work. Thanks for the advice. To be clear I've been playing for a year or so now but inconsistently. I've definitely gotten over the early hump of being completely incompetent, and actually now that I think about it being deeply self conscious about being merely mediocre because I'm not improving "fast enough" rather than being actually bad is a recurring theme for me lol. The headphones are a good idea, though I do have a place I can practice in so it's not quite as bad. And now that I was coming to a conclusion, being kind of okay but too scared to actually publicly commit to anything because of a fear of embarrassment is another Issue. (Also I just today got the riff from Copperhead Road down which is the first time ive gotten a song that doesn't have a consistent pattern to it, so I'm feeling optimistic about it now lol)
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Dec 13, 2022 00:14
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alright, I’ve been going through some poo poo lately so I’m just gonna brain dump because this thread’s been good for that in the past i used to work as a court official in rural North Carolina, and about two years ago i moved to Seattle for a different (still court-related) position, with the primary reason being that i wanted to live somewhere with an actual dating scene. this hasn’t actually panned out as hoped, but anyway. It turns out i really, really hate working a “normal” 9-5 job, so I’ve been trying to get back to my old position in nc. that had a very irregular work schedule including a lot of night shift and on call work, but i was pretty well suited for it. The way hiring is done for that position is that the clerk of court nominates people for the position and the chief judge selects from those; I’ve recently learned that if there is an incumbent person in that slot who is not voluntarily leaving, they are included in that selection. the clerk of court in my home county recently changed and the new one knows me and has worked with me and wants me to replace one of the guys currently there, who is a lazy poo poo - i worked with him and he would regularly take three or more hours to respond while on call, decide to just end his shift early, etc., and this has apparently progressed to things like “won’t bring his paperwork one floor down to the office that needs to file it.” it seemed like this was going to happen no problem, but i was told yesterday that the judge has likely decided to keep the current guy after talking to him and receiving a bunch of excuses and promises to do better (from a guy who’s acted like this for around a decade). it’s not set in stone, but that’s what it’s looking like. so after two years of being in a position i absolutely hate, i thought i was finally going to be able to leave, only to have that taken away, which has been extremely disheartening. I’m almost definitely the first in line once a position opens up, but that basically depends on when someone else in the position (there’s four in that county) decides to leave. i could, uh, influence things by calling people from other agencies and “suggesting” that if they submit some complaints against this guy (who they have also had significant problems with) that I would be able to replace him, but that seems pretty drat unethical to me, even if the guy is a shithead. alright, that’s about all. Not as bad as what a lot of people in here are going through but i feel like I’m gonna lose my mind from this
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Dec 13, 2022 19:35
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DoubleDonut posted:alright, that’s about all. Not as bad as what a lot of people in here are going through but i feel like I’m gonna lose my mind from this gently caress boomers forever!
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Dec 13, 2022 23:27
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Apparently those things I have every few days are called "panic attacks". I thought real panic attacks were more intense. I should probably bring this up with my new therapist.
unwantedplatypus has issued a correction as of 02:08 on Dec 15, 2022 |
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Dec 15, 2022 01:34
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I'm back. I was posting here for a little bit during the spring/summer. How is everyone? I hope everyone is doing okay. I started my first full-time job in October and it's been a bunch of highs and lows for me. At first, it was going great. I felt proud of myself for finally getting a job, moving into my own place, etc. But recently, now that everything's settling in, I'm starting to reflect already on whether or not I'm actually enjoying this job and how long I actually want to stay. It's an administrative assistant type of role, and I feel like I'm being micromanaged a lot, and I notice that my anxiety's been relapsing again because I'm constantly scared of doing mistakes at work and not completing tasks on time. I also feel like there's little room for me to grow and explore my interests. I had a meeting the other week with my supervisor where I was helping her recruit a new cohort, and she made a comment about how we would be working with the cohort for the "next three years of our lives," and it gave me a slight panic attack at the possibility of working at this same place for that long. I just graduated college in 2021 and I really want to spend my twenties exploring my interests and finding out what I want to do, but this job feels so mundane and lifeless. On one hand, I still appreciate the financial security of the job and being able to live on my own, but on the other hand I'm already having so much second thoughts about this job and it's only been two months.
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Dec 17, 2022 10:41
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Sounds like there's room to grow if people have long term plans for you. Being micromanaged in the first two months of your first job ever sounds like a healthy sign if anything. Unless it's awful working there staying a year or two will look good on your CV. It's pretty normal to go through periods of work sucking, or having doubts come and go. I would set myself a time a bit down the road, say six months or a year from when you started, to sit down and reevaluate the entire thing. thotsky has issued a correction as of 10:56 on Dec 17, 2022 |
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Dec 17, 2022 10:50
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Witeldram posted:On one hand, I still appreciate the financial security of the job and being able to live on my own, but on the other hand I'm already having so much second thoughts about this job and it's only been two months. The first two months of any job are pretty harrowing, I'd say it takes about 3-4 months to really get into the routine of anything. "A year" sounds really imposing at this stage of your life but it's about the minimum to even really experience something professionally. That said,
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Dec 17, 2022 17:19
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Yeah the advice is kidna birfucated: if you're doing okay anxiety is normal early on, especially with preexisting brain problems, stick around for a year or two and see if you feel better. If it actively sucks then yeah feel free to get out, especially if you have something else lined up. I still feel pretty inexperienced 2 years in, but I've also been stuck on night shift by myself. Just got moved to 10am-7pm so I should have more opportunity to work with people, we'll see how that works out. At least I can actually go out at nights
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Dec 17, 2022 17:59
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Thanks for the advice everyone. I'll give the job a bit more time to see how things go. I think I'm also scared about going back to my previous situation (being unemployed in itself is also a very stressful process), but I'll give myself more time to think. Even if I do end up unemployed again I decided that I'll do some volunteer work or something to keep myself preoccupied while job hunting.StashAugustine posted:I still feel pretty inexperienced 2 years in, but I've also been stuck on night shift by myself. Just got moved to 10am-7pm so I should have more opportunity to work with people, we'll see how that works out. At least I can actually go out at nights
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Dec 18, 2022 07:14
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Lately I've been doing a lot of ruminating over this past year, and how things could have been different. I had this big trip planned for the summer but I didn't go through with it. I quit my job in September because I felt like I was going nowhere, but now I have the stress of being unemployed and interviewing. I feel aimless and sometimes I don't even feel like getting out of bed. It's not like I don't have things to be grateful for, I have an apartment and two cats. I have friends. But I just feel lost in regrets and it impairs my ability to imagine a better future.
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Dec 18, 2022 22:31
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i have a bunch of things i would like to do but when i set myself out to do them i get angry. like i'd like to try dating or work on a music recording project, but i get pissed at the idea of me "wining and dining/being entertaining" or hearing how much shittier i sound when i know i am being recorded. it all just pisses me off, so i avoid it. it feels like these things are all for someone else. they "can't" be for me. even though i have been told i am charming, nice, talented etc, i could never get another person to like me unless i pretended i were someone else. i could never write a song that "made sense," even to only me. it's just a bunch of bullshit. but the anxiety is always there, even when i don't notice it, if that makes sense. i have no conscious thought about these things most of the time, it's just who i am. ive been on this downward trajectory for about 12 years now. i have "turned things around" dramatically many times before, but inevitably i let my insecurity manifest into self sabotage in ways that always surprise me. im sick of making these positive changes that end in "one step forward two steps back," especially when it feels like everyone else i know is growing and progressing. over the last few years i feel like i have given up on almost every facet of just, like, living. there is no reason for me to feel this way. besides relationships i myself have made, i have no history of mistreatment or abuse. i have been given countless opportunities, all of which i have let pass me by, mostly out of laziness, i think. everyone i know has feelings and lives that make sense because it's who they are, but personally i think my feelings are unjustified and i really am looking for an easy way. "i can't make sense, because i don't make sense" is how i really feel about myself but it is also a big loving excuse. i really just want to do nothing until i die. sometimes i can get out of this line of thinking and think i can do things id like to do. but ive wasted so much time, the pile is too big for me to tackle. so i avoid it and the pile grows. then i get sleepy, go to bed, wake up, and im back at square one, stuck inside of this thing. my problem is i really shouldn't be thinking at all. anyway whatever. i feel like none of my problems are real and i am whining about nothing. i think i feel better just having whatever this is out of me though, even if it's just for a second.
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Dec 19, 2022 00:33
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I am currently navigating the unemployment insurance system after working a single job while living in 3 different states. One of the states' phone system seems to be down entirely. This is a waking nightmare and I'm not sure if there's any money waiting for me at the end, all bets are off.
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Dec 19, 2022 16:24
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veepfake posted:it feels like these things are all for someone else. they "can't" be for me. even though i have been told i am charming, nice, talented etc, i could never get another person to like me unless i pretended i were someone else. I have also felt that way for as long as I can remember. i’ve had so many opportunities given to me, so many advantages. everything loving handed to me. but i have never made use of any of it. i didn’t deserve it. i’m lazy and i do not work hard. i give up on everything i’m not thankful for the opportunities i’ve gotten. i resent them, really. they were wasted on me. anyone else would’ve been more deserving, more appreciative. they would’ve done more. i don’t truly enjoy anything. i’m never satisfied with anything. i don’t really care about anything or anyone. i’m always bored. i’d like to start painting again, or learn to make music. but it’s all difficult and I don’t have the energy for it. it’s not depression, it’s just how my brain is. i’ve tried all the antidepressants. i’ve done and still do therapy. it’s just wasted on me. i’m always going to feel dissatisfied and bored. just gotta distract myself as best as possible for another 40ish years.
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Dec 19, 2022 16:31
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One of the things that helps me with low self opinion stuff is realizing that the gulf between examples of "success" and where you are right now are usually made of money. Most examples we see are the result of exquisitely manicured lives and very narrow self portraits. The fact that everybody in this thread is capable of reading and posting is a credit to all of us - there are a LOT of people who see text and are just incapable of connecting the written words to ideas and emotions. There is also a specific lack of external validation for men, generally (but especially SA poster types), that I think plays a role in the prevalence of this. There's no such thing as wasted time, IMO. The idea that playing music/painting/playing games/whatever isn't important and valuable just because you don't turn it into a career is a fake one designed by McKinsey & Company to increase shareholder value and make you miserable enough to eat bugs. Being happy and "wasting time" is rebellion. 802.11weed posted:it’s not depression Textbook depression! Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 18:55 on Dec 19, 2022 |
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Dec 19, 2022 18:48
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Chronic depression is still depression! Also to get a little cspam in here (and maybe projecting some personal issues), I think there's a certain amount of survivor's guilt inevitable in being relatively secure in America- especially if that is or was precarious. Some people double down on why they deserve to be saved and the poor deserve it, others (like most posters in this forum) correctly realize it's entirely arbitrary. https://www.commonwealmagazine.org/muddling-through posted:
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Dec 19, 2022 19:42
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:Yeah, it's no big deal though and people do it all the time. As an update, the HR ticket was ignored for 2 weeks, their reply was basically "payroll advises you to contact payroll (through your manager)". He's out for the day and probably doesn't know how to do this, so it will be weeks if it's ever resolved. It just makes me feel worse since everytime I think "It's a simple mistake and people want to help you to resolve it" it's almost always wrong and that "you need to do everything exactly right the first time and asking for help just confirms you've failed and no you will not be helped loser" ends up being the attitude that wins out 
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Dec 19, 2022 22:55
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StashAugustine posted:Chronic depression is still depression! Also to get a little cspam in here (and maybe projecting some personal issues), I think there's a certain amount of survivor's guilt inevitable in being relatively secure in America- especially if that is or was precarious. Some people double down on why they deserve to be saved and the poor deserve it, others (like most posters in this forum) correctly realize it's entirely arbitrary. thanks for the scialabba recommendation, i got fired for being bad at affective labor due to complications from seasonal affective disorder and a wry meditation on depression is the perfect thing going into the solstice currently reading "not thinking like a liberal" by raymond guess which is a kind of intellectual memoir of a son of a steelworker who went to a catholic boarding school where he was taught by atheist hungarian expats, giving him a fairly incoherent set of cultural influences, and synthesizing him left him unable to believe certain major tenets of liberalism. i'm like halfway through and probably going to back and take notes on the actual arguments he's making, it's a fun read and i'm doing it too fast also some stuff on psychology and buddhism. i'm a little suspicious re: the potential ceiling for "self-care" performed more or less in a vacuum but you play the cards you're dealt and moving to be closer to potential community is first on the agenda for when things are less hosed even though I'm dealing with some poo poo, choosing to read books instead of twitter or SA has been stellar for my mental health Tungsten has issued a correction as of 00:17 on Dec 20, 2022 |
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Dec 19, 2022 23:58
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skooma512 posted:As an update, the HR ticket was ignored for 2 weeks, their reply was basically "payroll advises you to contact payroll (through your manager)". He's out for the day and probably doesn't know how to do this, so it will be weeks if it's ever resolved. I had to look up what you're referring to, but here's some thoughts: in a previous career I was something like the on-site accounting liason (in addition to a lot of other stuff) to good, professional union guys that worked miracles under really tight time and budget constraints and had decades of knowledge about their field. They hosed up their timecards all the time, especially the young ones (under 40). It doesn't mean anything, the worst that happens is that somebody in payroll rolls their eyes and has to edit a spreadsheet instead of watching netflix. Nobody at your job cares about it as much as you and it would be completely unreasonable to hold anything against you. Just remind them (your boss, payroll, whoever) about it weekly. Tuesdays are good for "hey I know you forgot about this but I'm not ambushing you with it Monday morning" type poo poo. Good luck!
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Dec 20, 2022 06:48
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Spending the holidays at my parents. I thought that two weeks was the magic number for my mom to be civil but she just started the micromanaging from day 1. Complaining about my haircut, about how my jeans have baggy knees, about how I care way too much about Elon Musk, about how I care too little about that lady in the European Parliament accused of corruption, about how I am wrong about Ukraine and if they just surrendered it would all be over, about how I don't have anything to complain about living in Norway because everything is expensive, about how the cost of living increase means nothing to me, about how I should spend less money on food, about if I don't like it I should move home, about how I haven't invited them over in a year and a half living in a new country, about how I haven't invited my brother, about how I should really give it my all in my new job, about how I am "always upset", about how I never ask them if we can go somewhere instead of hanging out at home, about how I should eat healthier, about how I should socialize more, about how my lack of socialization means I don't know how people interact and thus I complain about them, about how all this micromanaging means she cares, about this how she is much nicer than other mothers and yet every mother she knows has their adult children calling them every day and doting on them in public, and on and on and on. I'm freaking 35 and get this crap. For me it's always complete silence at my own place or this. I can't take it. I'd rather be alone forever than deal with a fraction of this from someone else. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 14:04 on Dec 20, 2022 |
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Dec 20, 2022 13:59
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Dec 20, 2022 16:58
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if I do that I literally have no one who I can depend on in an emergency, anyone who care if I live or die, who could support me if I lose everything, whose assets might inherit. Its either punctual moments of misery surrounded by long silence or constant silence.
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Dec 20, 2022 18:01
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I'll take "what are boundaries" for $500, Alex
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Dec 20, 2022 21:39
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I had tested hot for weed on a random test at my job last year. Luckily the company has a policy where a first “offense” doesn’t result in immediate dismissal but instead going on short term disability and being referred by EAP for treatment. I had to do 3 times a week remote “substance abuse” therapy for about two months. it wasn’t too bad since the therapist mainly treated my depression and ADHD since reasonable people know weed isn’t addictive. So it ended up being a nice two month vacation from work. The therapist was through a service called Thriveworks, which is kind of like Betterhelp in that they are “disrupting” mental health. They had me put my card on file so they could charge me my $20 copay each session and a $30 per month monthly fee which was bullshit but ok. During this time I was still seeing my normal therapist biweekly and psychiatrist monthly. Fast forward a year. I’m in a new position at work and bought a house in an adjacent state to where I was before. In a two week period I found out from my mental health providers that they aren’t licensed in NJ so I’ll have to find new ones and also saw on my bank account that thriveworks charged me over $900, a full year after my last session, as they apparently they never bothered to process my insurance and they turned around and said I owed them the full amount per session of around $110 each. I ended up successfully disputing the charge with my bank but it really hit home how hosed mental health care is in the US. If the $900 charge occurred like two weeks prior, it could have hosed up my home settlement. And losing your regular therapist because you moved 20 minutes across a state line sucks rear end. Luckily I’m otherwise in a pretty good place. my new position is way better than my old one, I’m finally a homeowner and now only subject to a mortgage lender’s bullshit instead of a landlord’s. But my depression does get worse in the winter months so I do still need to find another therapist. I also am still getting biweekly follow up drug tests which also sucks rear end. Ugh.
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Dec 21, 2022 21:34
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God loving drat it every single time the drat Ukraine war shows up on the news my entire family starts spouting Russian propaganda talking points! How the gently caress do I make this stop? I am scared they will give away all their money to Q at this rate. Why the gently caress can't people stop trusting their own opinions over actual data? I don't "believe" in anything nor want to! Knowledge doesn't now should make me "feel" anything. What makes me "feel" angry is people trusting their own feelings instead of being logical! More and more people are being split into tribes. I don't want to join a tribe, I want everyone to love me. I want everyone to like me. I want to agree with everyone. I want everyone to care about my well-being, to see me as a friend. Is that too much to ask? I suppose it is, but I still want it. I want to be able to talk to someone and not trip on their own basic assumptions of reality. I hate this era. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 21:41 on Dec 21, 2022 |
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Dec 21, 2022 21:38
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AceOfFlames posted:God loving drat it every single time the drat Ukraine war shows up on the news my entire family starts spouting Russian propaganda talking points! How the gently caress do I make this stop? I am scared they will give away all their money to Q at this rate. Why the gently caress can't people stop trusting their own opinions over actual data? It loving sucks to have family members who are sucked into the right wing media machine. It doesn’t help that the alternative to that is the liberal corporate media like MSNBC, CNN huff post etc which will piss on your leg and say it’s raining. For my own sanity, I just stopped talking about political issues with my right wing family members. It sucks but I value the relationships more than jeopardizing it trying to convert people to my side. Save the energy on organizing people who won’t fight you every step of the way. It’s okay to make it clear where you stand, as it shows those people that hey not everyone who is a socialist or whatever is a literal demon like the TV man says! But don’t hit your head on the brick wall of actively trying to “fix” their brains. I don’t know if my advice aligns with leftist organizing theory or anything though.
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Dec 21, 2022 22:07
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I don't want to join a side, I want everyone to like me. I think we are all doomed, nothing can be fixed and we are all just waiting for the end and I just want to make the most of my time here until the end while still retaining enough ethics to not be judged by people or any potential deity/Roko's basilisk, whatever the gently caress. EDIT: Maybe I'm just scared of the fact that what I thought was "basic human decency" is getting more and more lumped in with the "radical left" by so many people. I am not radical anything, it's the rest of the world that is becoming radical! I don't know if I am a dying breed, if the majority of the world are psychopaths or if I am the one being crazy. don't ask "what does your heart tell you", my heart knows NOTHING. gently caress my heart. Emotions only lead you to being wrong and accountability. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 22:22 on Dec 21, 2022 |
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Dec 21, 2022 22:13
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Lol ace of flames you're so crazy!
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Dec 21, 2022 22:44
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Jorge Bell posted:Lol ace of flames you're so crazy! Is this a means of mocking me? Of saying "I don't know what to say"? Something to fill space? I don't think I know how conversation works anymore
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Dec 21, 2022 22:48
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Dec 22, 2022 00:11
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StashAugustine posted:Chronic depression is still depression! yeah... I just gotta accept that no matter what, it always comes back, and it always will. Sometimes I feel better for a day or a week, but it's never held. Sometimes it gets really fuckin' bad! My psychiatrist doesn't care to try any other treatments, it's antidepressants or nothing. After ten years of antidepressants and still feeling like poo poo I don't care to try the weird rare ones I haven't tried yet. I could try to get a different psychiatrist but that's a huge pain in the rear end to do, I don't wanna deal with more bureaucracy and paperwork than I have to. It's very cool that my brain wants to kill me, and the rest of my body is trash that is falling apart that I can't stand the sight of. wonderful existence
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Dec 22, 2022 01:35
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