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AITA for how I reacted to my girlfriend's racist grandfather on Thanksgivingquote:I am black, 25 years old, and am dating a 23 year old white woman. I grew up in "the hood" so I am pretty resilient. I'm not going to get into my past much but I don't want to portray myself as some super tough guy. I just have been through so much that small things do not bother me. And by "small" I mean literally anything that isn't life threatening. I could come home from work to everything I own being burned and destroyed and I'd be fine. I'd be annoyed by it, but I'm alive. It's not the "it could always be worse" mentality. It HAS been worse. Little poo poo does nothing to me. Annoying traffic, people talking about me at work, rude people etc. I worked retail from 18 to 23 and I was great at it because customers snapping at me does nothing. Spew all the vile things at me, I don't care. And I've learned that it only bothers people MORE that you don't care. "why can't you just be offended so that we can blame you for grandpa's behavior? well, we're going to blame you anyway" gj finding these people, OP. when's the wedding
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Dec 19, 2022 22:20
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Evil Willow posted:TIFU by becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out (NSFW) Ok sure.
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Dec 19, 2022 22:50
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nashona posted:a vat full of acid vats While the OP here is insensitive, I kinda feel like the husband set this one up to some extent. I mean, when you start a relationship with something like this: quote:"That's fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I'll choose her. I like you and all, but I've known her for over 12 years and she's one of the most important people in my life. You'll have to be ok with that if you want us to be a thing." You're not actually far off from people that pressure their SO into an open relationship, IMO. OP's fault for going along with it when she plainly resented the deal, but husband is an rear end in a top hat for actually entering a romantic relationship (and getting married) while carrying these feelings.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:14
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By her own admission he told her that at the very beginning and every milestone among the way. She had every opportunity to check out and instead figured that she’d force him to change at some point.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:17
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GordonTheDeadFish posted:You're not actually far off from people that pressure their SO into an open relationship, IMO. OP's fault for going along with it when she plainly resented the deal, but husband is an rear end in a top hat for actually entering a romantic relationship (and getting married) while carrying these feelings. do you think there was a proper course of action for the husband that did not involve severing all ties with his friend
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Dec 19, 2022 23:18
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Pope Corky the IX posted:By her own admission he told her that at the very beginning and every milestone among the way. She had every opportunity to check out and instead figured that she’d force him to change at some point. Exactly. He was always honest. She just acted like it wasn't reality.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:20
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How dare he be open and honest to his wife about what boundaries he is unwilling to change for her! He should have caved to her immediately or just lied! What an rear end in a top hat!
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Dec 19, 2022 23:32
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Evil Willow posted:TIFU by becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out (NSFW) yyyeah, i don't have a whole lot of sympathy to begin with for a guy who fucks sex trafficking victims on the regular, but this fuckin shitbag goes the extra mile by doubling down when confronted about it in the comments, repeatedly denying that 1) prostitution is illegal in thailand (it is) and 2) most of the girls are trafficked (they are) i hope he meets the thai equivalent of lorena bobbitt one of these times
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Dec 19, 2022 23:32
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to be clear, it's okay if you yourself want to totally sever all ties and contact with anyone you ever end a romantic relationship with (though I always kind of cynically wonder if the people who subscribe to this have ever had a relationship that didn't end poorly) but not everyone lives life like this
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Dec 19, 2022 23:32
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Foo Diddley posted:yyyeah, i don't have a whole lot of sympathy to begin with for a guy who fucks sex trafficking victims on the regular, but this fuckin shitbag goes the extra mile by doubling down when confronted about it in the comments, repeatedly denying that 1) prostitution is illegal in thailand (it is) and 2) most of the girls are trafficked (they are) What is he even trying to defend? Even if prostitution in Thailand was legal and ethical in every way he still cheated on his wife and got caught. why would you even post this, what was he expecting from it lol
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Dec 19, 2022 23:34
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Don't start a romantic relationship with someone that's a distant second priority to you. It's just so obviously open to generating hurt feelings. The husband says there weren't any lingering romantic attachments there, but it wouldn't have taken a huge shift for that situation to have shifted into cheating.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:35
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Farmer Crack-rear end posted:(though I always kind of cynically wonder if the people who subscribe to this have ever had a relationship that didn't end poorly) Clearly they haven't. I feel like this is one of the things that straight people do a lot too, like every relationship and sexual encounter you've ever had has to be the end of knowing that person forever if you end up getting married.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:37
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there is a reason why we pretty much avoid TIFU: there are better ways to witness some weird self aggrandizing nerd jerk off.
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Dec 19, 2022 23:37
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PiratePrentice posted:What is he even trying to defend? Even if prostitution in Thailand was legal and ethical in every way he still cheated on his wife and got caught. "look honey, it's actually totally fine and good that i was rawdoggin prostitutes every time i went on a business trip, even reddit agrees with me! therefore you can't divorce me" teen witch posted:there is a reason why we pretty much avoid TIFU: there are better ways to witness some weird self aggrandizing nerd jerk off. i thought it was 'cuz most of the stories were made up, and i sure hope this one was
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Dec 19, 2022 23:43
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i mean they're probably all made up, it's a question of how good the writers are
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Dec 19, 2022 23:46
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teen witch posted:there is a reason why we pretty much avoid TIFU: there are better ways to witness some weird self aggrandizing nerd jerk off. Exactly, my onlyfans is right there!
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Dec 20, 2022 00:07
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nashona posted:a vat full of acid vats Lmao, this woman wasted 10+ years of her life playing second fiddle and thought that a silly thing like death would bump her into first place. And lmao at this guy losing both his wives in one fell swoop.
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Dec 20, 2022 00:18
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Nah, folks who don't think exes can be platonic friends are off their dang rockers and massively insecure. My ex is one of my best friends and I would not date someone who wasn't okay with that. It doesn't mean he is more important or comes first, just that the friendship is not disposable. Ideally they would be friends too because why date someone who doesn't like your friends? I would never consider asking a partner to end a friendship for no reason but my own jealousy like that. I'm glad that OP chose to suffer instead of leaving him and will now suffer even more, she's a cold-hearted monster and she brought it on herself.
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Dec 20, 2022 00:54
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Carolyn Hax: Does grandparent get second chance after nut-allergy mistake?quote:Dear Carolyn: I used to babysit for my two granddaughters on a regular basis, then covid interrupted that for a while. One of my granddaughters has a severe nut allergy. Unfortunately, after so much time apart, I fell out of the habit of carefully checking food, and the last time I babysat, I accidentally gave her a snack with nuts in it. It was completely accidental, but she had a minor reaction, and her parents were very upset.
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Dec 20, 2022 00:56
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I do think the "you're not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender once you're married" folks are creepy as gently caress. They also seem to be the sorts of folks that insist on a couples Facebook account and instant access to their spouse's phone at anytime to "check up on things".
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Dec 20, 2022 00:56
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I'm convinced that TIFU posts are 99% written by the same person because every one is written in the same smug style
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Dec 20, 2022 00:59
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It's perfectly fine if you can be friends with your ex, but I also understand the source of insecurity if you're told that you will always be number two to said ex.
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Dec 20, 2022 01:16
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GordonTheDeadFish posted:Don't start a romantic relationship with someone that's a distant second priority to you. It's just so obviously open to generating hurt feelings. This is what an abusive controlling person says to force their partner to give up all outside social connections.
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Dec 20, 2022 01:20
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It's fine to START OUT like "You're number 2 since we just started dating", that's honest. But if you're marrying someone and you're still saying they are number two vs your ex, that kinda feels weird!
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Dec 20, 2022 01:23
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Dazerbeams posted:Lmao, this woman wasted 10+ years of her life playing second fiddle and thought that a silly thing like death would bump her into first place. And lmao at this guy losing both his wives in one fell swoop. Thing is, she tripped at the finish line. Past the funeral and maybe memorials, his ex was unable to be an active participant in their lives any longer. You attend the funeral, you let him mourn (longer than a few days), and you're now the woman closest to him in his life and with each passing year, you continue to add to your time together while hers has forever stopped. You've won. Which, to be clear, is a monstrous way to be about someone's death, but it's 100% where she was already coming from. "gently caress her funeral, it's been days and you need to be over it!", lol.
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Dec 20, 2022 01:24
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Midnight Voyager posted:It's fine to START OUT like "You're number 2 since we just started dating", that's honest. But if you're marrying someone and you're still saying they are number two vs your ex, that kinda feels weird! It's more like "You are number one, but asking me to give up number two is inherently something a number one wouldn't do so the act of asking that will get you demoted."
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Dec 20, 2022 01:26
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Midnight Voyager posted:It's fine to START OUT like "You're number 2 since we just started dating", that's honest. But if you're marrying someone and you're still saying they are number two vs your ex, that kinda feels weird! If she was determined to assign ranks like that that's her own problem. She basically demanded he cut out one of his most important social contacts, and he repeatedly told her no. Based on how she says they'd watch their favorite "geeky" movies it's clear she didn't share a lot of the same interests as her husband so it's not like he excluded her by going to events with his ex. He was about as clear as he could be fore 10+ years and openly communicated it to her. If anything the only one at fault is the OP who thought quietly seething and then getting excited when the ex died was an acceptable behavior.
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Dec 20, 2022 01:27
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yeah, he didn't say his wife was number two to his ex. quote:"Besides you, she was the closest friend in my life."
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Dec 20, 2022 01:27
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Yeah I wouldn't want to marry someone that jealous, it would be good to know ahead of time that they're not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's pretty insane to not want him to go to the funeral, that's literally the last time her husband would ever have anything to do with the dead person, what a piece of poo poo. PiratePrentice fucked around with this message at 01:33 on Dec 20, 2022 |
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Dec 20, 2022 01:29
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Haschel Cedricson posted:It's more like "You are number one, but asking me to give up number two is inherently something a number one wouldn't do so the act of asking that will get you demoted." Yeah, I don't think OP is any good in this. I can just see how that became an insecurity weevil gnawing at their withered soul. The funeral stuff is loving NUTS.
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Dec 20, 2022 01:29
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Also did anyone notice how she’s mad that the ex’s husband was also a friend because it meant she couldn’t “use him as an angle” Extremely normal and healthy way to conceptualize a relationship!
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Dec 20, 2022 01:38
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PiratePrentice posted:Yeah I wouldn't want to marry someone that jealous, it would be good to know ahead of time that they're not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. it was also her last chance to win in a competition for her husband's attention
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Dec 20, 2022 01:41
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AITA for telling my girlfriend she is traveling to much and it’s concerning for our future?quote:For context I 30M have been dating my girlfriend 28F for 2 years. Last year she tragically lost her sister who was very young, this was very hard on her and she went on this whole eat, love pray journey. This started with an international trip. Since then she hasn’t stopped. She went on 8 international trips last year. I could only afford to go on one with her, and this is after I complained so she helped me pay. OP's got too many solid gold comments to repost here, but he's just a treasure of a human being. i sure hope his gf takes a trip right out of his life
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Dec 20, 2022 01:55
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That one's amazing. She is debt-free, owns her own property, works as an accountant, prefers public transportation, rents her place out while she's away. She's winning at life. She literally manages money professionally and has complete control over her finances and he's trying to lecture her how she's bad with money while he has a bunch of debt. Good lord. And traumatic events compel a lot of people to start experiencing life while they didn't really before. Happened to me. I had a near death experience, and not long after I switched degrees then went on a 2 month trip to 5 different countries on the other side of the planet.
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Dec 20, 2022 02:53
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but i can't help but think that she could be putting that money into our future house. the one that i don't have the money for
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Dec 20, 2022 02:59
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“But I thought you were going to take care of me!”
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Dec 20, 2022 03:04
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"If you're not spending your money on me, why am I dating you?"
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Dec 20, 2022 03:10
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AITA for shutting down FIL’s armchair physics? I [30F] have a PhD in physics. Obviously, I’ve taken a ton of math/physics classes over the years to be able to conduct research properly. My FIL [60M] recently retired from his job in sales. Since then he has taken up studying physics. This does not mean that he went back to college and took physics/math classes (he took a semester of calculus in college like 40 years ago for his business major). Instead, he gets high and watches YouTube videos. For a while it was fun when he asked me to explain what we know about dark matter to him and I’d draw out galaxy rotation curves, but about two years ago he started claiming he’s figured out how to unify quantum mechanics and general relativity. This is a huge unsolved problem in physics and would surely be worthy of a Nobel prize. I tried to shut him down and encouraged him to study more math, but he was pretty adamant that he didn’t need to know math and his “outsider perspective” was actually a huge advantage. I was annoyed. Eventually my MIL and husband told him to stop bothering me. I thought that was it, but my SIL [32F] recently brought home a new boyfriend [38M] over Thanksgiving. This boyfriend has no schooling past high school (no hate, just want to make it clear). He does not study math/physics on the side either. He loves getting high with my FIL and listening to his physics theories, fancies himself a bit of a physicist himself, and they bounce ideas off each other. I always make myself scarce when I notice this happening. Eventually, SIL’s boyfriend noticed and called me out one night as I was leaving. I tried to brush it off as “oh I’ve turned my brain off for the night haha” but then SIL’s boyfriend said that with my PhD, I could really help them by fine-tuning their theories and get them published. I said no. FIL said he’s really figured it out, he thinks he can get a book deal, and I should really listen to his theories. I said no, and reminded him that he should study more math. Sister’s boyfriend then called me a snob who went to a fancy school and accused me of jealousy. So I finally said that I might be a snob, but they’re just two armchair physicists who probably know as much calculus as my cat. Then I told FIL I’d listen to his theory if he could tell me what a metric is (big concept in differential geometry, the branch of math you need to known to understand general relativity). Then I told SIL’s boyfriend I’d give him an even easier question and asked him what an integral was. Dead silence from both, so I left. We flew out the next day. Honestly I thought this was all behind us but husband and I are flying out to MIL and FIL’s tomorrow, SIL and her boyfriend are coming too, but yesterday SIL called me and said her boyfriend is waiting for an apology from me, and so is FIL. I told her to put her boyfriend on the phone. Then I asked him if he knew what an integral was yet. He still didn’t so I laughed and hung up. SIL then texted me that I was going to ruin Christmas. AITA? this woman loving owns so hard olylifter fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Dec 20, 2022 |
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Dec 20, 2022 03:26
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My favorite part of the holidays: lovely family members loving around and finding out.
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Dec 20, 2022 03:35
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This lady's story will keep me warm through the long winter nights
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Dec 20, 2022 03:38
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