The MSJ posted:

The ultimate #ripbozo of 2022 is here.

https://twitter.com/Esqueer_/status/1608580052220014592?s=20&t=B6xFS3aZ_oc_jo-w3vUljw

Edit:

https://twitter.com/TheGreatGario/status/1608605759683854336?s=20&t=B6xFS3aZ_oc_jo-w3vUljw

Tunicate posted:

The police were interviewed, the sovial media activity they actually referenced was a week earlier and unrelated to pizza.

Captain Hygiene posted:

quote:

What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?


It takes stubbornness to get something stuck inside you, but all it takes is one moment of poor judgment, or a stroke of bad luck, to do something terrible to the bits that dangle. Here is some of the finest groin destruction achieved in America in the last year.

All descriptions are taken verbatim from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits:

WAS MAKING COFFEE WHEN HIS FRENCH PRESS BROKE AND SPILLED COFFEE ON HIS PENIS
HIS HAIR BECAME WRAPPED AROUND PENIS
LEANED FORWARD SLIGHTLY WHILE LAYING IN BED, ACCIDENTALLY DISCHARGED HIS .45 CALIBER HANDGUN INTO THE BASE OF HIS PENIS
TRIED TO RIDE DOG, PENIS CONTUSION
TRIED TO CIRCUMCIZE HIMSELF WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS
QUICKLY RAN TO THE BATHROOM YESTERDAY MORNING, PUSHED THE DOOR OPEN, BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING BEHIND THE DOOR AND THE DOOR DID NOT OPEN VERY FAR. PATIENT SQUEEZED HIMSELF THROUGH THE DOOR AND BUMPED HIS SCROTUM AGAINST THE DOOR
TAKING A SHOWER AND CLEANING HIS PENIS WHEN HE PULLED ON IT TOO HARD AND IT STARTED TO BLEED
PENIS PAIN AFTER SCRUBBING PENIS TOO HARD USING LOOFAH
REPORTS BEING HIT TWO TIMES IN HIS GROIN WITH A BASKETBALL AND THEN WITH SOMEONE’S HAND OVER THE PAST TWO WEEKS
PLAYING WITH A TOY DINOSAUR AND MADE IT BITE HIS PENIS
CAUGHT HIS PENIS IN A ZIPPER FROM HIS PANTS. HE STILL HAD THE ZIPPER ATTACHED TO HIS PENIS WHEN HE ARRIVED AT THE HOSPITAL
WAS DANCING AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT HIS PENIS ON THE TOILET OR GROUND
HIS SON KARATE CHOPPED HIM IN THE BALLS ABOUT 10 DAYS AGO
SIBLING THREW A SPRAY PAINT CAN INTO A BONFIRE WHICH EXPLODED, BURNS TO PENIS
WAS SITTING ON THE TOILET AT HOME HOLDING A NAIL FILE, HE LEANED FORWARD TO GRAB TOILET PAPER WHILE HOLDING THE NAIL FILE IN HIS GROIN CREASE, FELL FORWARD AND CUT THE BASE OF HIS PENIS
WORKING OUT WITH ELASTIC EXERCISE BANDS WITH HIS FRIEND WHEN THE BAND SLIPPED FROM HIS FRIEND’S HAND AND THE HANDLE HIT THE PATIENT IN HIS PENIS
WAS DRIBBLING A BASKETBALL WHEN IT BOUNCED UP AND HIT HIM IN THE SHAFT OF THE PENIS
WAS HAVING A PILLOW FIGHT WITH HIS DOG WHEN THE DOG LUNGED FOR THE PILLOW AND ACCIDENTALLY BIT PATIENT IN HIS PENIS
WAS LAYING IN BED, PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WHEN HE NOTICED HE WAS HAVING PENIS PAIN
HAD A PIERCING ON PENIS WHICH GOT CAUGHT IN CAR DOOR
TESTICLE PAIN AFTER RETRACTING DOG LEASH DEVICE THAT HE PUSHED THE REWIND BUTTON & IT FLEW AT HIM
TOOK SOME MALE ENHANCEMENT PILL & USED A PENIS PUMP, HEARD A ‘POP FROM A VEIN IN HIS GROIN AREA’
KICKED IN THE TESTICLES BY A PIT BULL
SITTING ON A FRESHLY LACQUERED BENCH NAKED IN FRONT OF HIS WOOD STOVE. HE LEANED OVER TO PICK UP A PIECE OF WOOD, HIS TESTICLES STUCK TO THE LACQUER SMASHING HIS TESTICLE BETWEEN THE BENCH AND HIS LEG
WAS HAVING SEX AND NOW HIS PENIS IS ENTANGLED IN SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S CLOTHING
WAS WALKING OUT OF HIS BEDROOM AND NOT WATCHING WHERE HE WAS GOING, LEADING TO HIM PINCHING HIS PENIS BETWEEN THE DOOR AND HIS LEG
TRIED TO DO A ‘SLIDE OUT’ ON DIRT BIKE, TIRE BRUSHED UP ON A TREE, PATIENT FELL OFF BIKE, ‘SPLIT SCROTUM IN HALF’
PATIENT WAS HANGING ON SHOWERHEAD AND LOST HIS GRIP, FALLING ON THE SHOWER KNOB AND INJURING HIS LEFT TESTICLE
WAS HAVING A SEXUAL GAME WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND AND PLACED A ZIP TIE ON THE BASE OF HIS PENIS
TESTICULAR PAIN AND SWELLING AFTER SITTING DOWN REALLY HARD ON A CHAIR
RAN INTO A GAMING CHAIR LAST NIGHT, HITTING HIS RIGHT TESTICLE
CLOSED AN EYEGLASS CASE ON HIS PENIS
WAS SLEEPING IN BED WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS LYING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTION IN BED AND ACCIDENTALLY KICKED HIM IN RIGHT TESTICLE
OLDER SIBLING CAME IN BATHROOM WHILE PATIENT WAS PEEING SIBLING SLAMMED THE TOILET SEAT ONTO PENIS
WAS HIT IN THE GROIN WITH A SOCCER BALL EARLIER TODAY, HE THEN WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL AND GOT HIT IN THE LEFT TESTICLE WITH A FOOTBALL
WAS SPINNING A NON-LIT FIRE SPINNER BATON 1–2 DAYS AGO WHEN IT STRUCK HIS SCROTUM
PAIN TO TESTICLES WHICH STARTED WHEN HE WAS GIVEN ORAL SEX AFTER HE WAS SPRAYED IN THE EYES WITH PEPPER SPRAY
WAS DRINKING AT HIS BACHELOR PARTY, PASSED OUT AND HIS FRIENDS GLUED HIS PENIS TO HIS ABDOMEN
TESTICLE PAIN ONSET AFTER PATIENt TIED A CORD AROUND HIS TESTICLES AND PENIS
CLOSED PENIS IN FRIDGE DOOR
FRIEND SHOT HIM IIN GROIN WITH A PAINTBALL AT POINT-BLANK RANGE AS A JOKE
STUCK TWO MAGNETS ON HIS FORESKIN UNABLE TO REMOVE
WAS PLAYING DODGE BALL ON TUESDAY WHEN HE WAS HIT MULTIPLE TIMES IN HIS TESTICLES BY HIS STEP BROTHER
INTOXICATED AND THOUGHT WAS APPLYING SEXUAL STIMULANT TO SCROTUM AND INSTEAD APPLIED TOILET BOWL CLEANER
WAS PLAYING BASKETBALL WHEN A BASEBALL FROM A NEARBY FIELD STRUCK PATIENT IN PENIS
WAS SHAVING AROUND HIS PENIS WHEN HE NICKED HIS PENIS WITH THE RAZOR AND POURED RUBBING ALCOHOL ON THE SITE NOW IT’S BURNING
CUT THE TIP OF HIS FORESKIN WITH PLASTIC KNIFE TO PLACE PLASTIC BEAD INTO THE OPENING THAT HE MADE IN HIS FORESKIN, CUT TOO DEEP
WAS UNLOADING HIS DISHWASHER WITHOUT ANY CLOTHING ON AND HE HAS A PENIS RING AND THE PENIS RING CAUGHT ON THE DOOR OF THE DISHWASHER AND IT FORCEFULLY REMOVED FROM HIS PENIS
PLAYING WITH POCKETKNIFE AND ACCIDENTALLY STABBED PENIS
TESTICLE AND GROIN PAIN AFTER USING ECSTASY AND DOING A LOT OF DANCING
WAS WALKING THIS MORNING RAN INTO THE TIP OF MOP HANDLE DIRECTLY ONTO PENIS
LOWER BACK AND PENIS PAIN AFTER FALLING FROM CHAIR WHEN ZIPPING PENIS UP IN HIS PANTS 2 DAYS AGO
PLAYING SOCCER HIT IN TESTES BEFORE LANDING ON THE BALL ON HIS TESTES
WEDDING RING STUCK ON BASE OF PENIS
WATCHING FOOTBALL, GOT EXCITED WHEN TEAM SCORED AND ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHED SELF IN PENIS

quote:

INTOXICATED AND THOUGHT WAS APPLYING SEXUAL STIMULANT TO SCROTUM AND INSTEAD APPLIED TOILET BOWL CLEANER

Tunicate posted:

The police were interviewed, the sovial media activity they actually referenced was a week earlier and unrelated to pizza.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://defector.com/what-horrible-things-did-we-do-to-our-penises-last-year-3/

HIS HAIR BECAME WRAPPED AROUND PENIS

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

PLAYING WITH A TOY DINOSAUR AND MADE IT BITE HIS PENIS

Knormal posted:

This is my favorite, I really hope it was an adult.

Knormal posted:

This is my favorite, I really hope it was an adult.

Inceltown posted:

Captain Hygiene posted:

Zil posted:

You should look up how the walrus thanked the town for not scaring him with fireworks.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://twitter.com/myhairisblue/status/1610391263496503298

Rascar Capac posted:

quote:

Baby whose parents refused blood from vaccinated donors undergoes lifesaving heart surgery


A six-month-old baby whose parents refused to allow him to undergo lifesaving heart surgery using blood from people vaccinated against Covid-19 has been operated on in a New Zealand hospital.

Earlier this week, a judge ruled that the boy, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, would remain under the court’s guardianship until he had recovered from the surgery.

The court also appointed two doctors as its agents to oversee issues around the operation and the administration of blood, according to court documents.

The baby has a congenital heart defect and needed urgent open heart surgery to survive – but the operation was delayed by his parents’ insistence that only blood from donors not vaccinated against Covid-19 be used.

Speaking to CNN affiliate Radio New Zealand (RNZ) on Friday, the parents’ lawyer, Sue Grey, confirmed they had texted her to say the surgery was complete and that their son was doing well.

Police were called in by the hospital on Thursday after the baby’s parents prevented doctors from taking blood from him for testing, or performing a chest X-ray or an anesthetic assessment, RNZ reported.

A new ruling on Thursday night ordered that the parents stop blocking doctors’ attempts to prepare for the operation.

The case has drawn attention to the ramifications of vaccine misinformation two years into global inoculation drives.

The baby’s parents believed there were “spike proteins in the blood of people who have been vaccinated and that these proteins were causing unexpected deaths relating to transfusions,” according to the judgment.

In a Q&A section on its website, the New Zealand Blood Service said: “The chance of finding spike protein in donated blood is very small, and it will be in the picogram range if it is there at all.” It went on to say: “There is no evidence that this represents any risk to recipients.”

The parents previously demanded the blood service take a donation from a person chosen by the family, but the agency refused and said it does not make a distinction between vaccinated and unvaccinated donors.

Earlier this week, the court heard that Dr. Kirsten Finucane, the chief pediatric cardiac surgeon at Auckland’s Starship Hospital, had told the parents it was “simply impractical to have a directed donor.”

Finucane had consulted with other experts and found that a cardiac bypass without using blood or blood products would not be an option for the baby’s surgery, the court heard.

With the parents and doctors unable to agree on the infant’s treatment and blood transfusion, the New Zealand Health Service made an application under the Care of Children Act in November, asking the court to appoint a doctor to take temporary guardianship of the baby for his medical care only.

New Zealand has relatively high vaccination rates for Covid-19, with about 90% of people aged 12 or above having had two shots, and more than 70% of eligible adults having received a first booster shot, according to its health ministry.

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/09/asia/baby-w-surgery-scli-intl-wellness/index.html

Alls well that ends well I guess

freeedr posted:

Hair tourniquet is serious and hosed up. Saw a guy lose an inch and a half that way and it can really be buried and hard to see

Zil posted:

I feel sorry for the content of their DMs over the next few weeks.

chitoryu12 posted:

https://twitter.com/defunctland/status/1506833042576396289?lang=en

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK3Yr80lPOY

bobjr posted:

https://twitter.com/kristoferngully/status/1609953341089677316?s=46&t=dcjY_voDvYMreVW2VQGftA

https://www.vgfacts.com/trivia/13772/ posted:

"Yasuragi no Yakata", about a stressed CEO who is directed to a members-only club by his doctor where men are dressed in children's clothes and cared for by giant motherly women who treat the men like infants as they regress further into baby-like states.

bobjr posted:

https://twitter.com/kristoferngully/status/1609953341089677316?s=46&t=dcjY_voDvYMreVW2VQGftA

VictualSquid posted:

Everybody who is familiar with the games knows that breasts are not what he is into.