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Jim is so attached to the suffering he creates by pranking Dwight that he cannot make any progress in therapy.
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Jan 6, 2023 21:40
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His prankotherapy sessions are always flourishing though.
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Jan 6, 2023 21:48
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Jim fucks Dwight’s stapler. The real prank isn’t that Dwight was forced to clean up the disgusting mess Jim left behind - it’s when Dwight realizes two months later that his stapler is pregnant.
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Jan 6, 2023 23:54
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Jim has a staple lodged in his pee-hole and refuses to see a doctor as it would "ruin the joke"
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Jan 7, 2023 00:01
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It's Tudor England times in Olde Scranton. Rather than staple their documents on site, tenant paper salesman took their paper to a "stapler" (the term then referred to an actual human being who used a mallet and a special tool called a stapling iron to "staple" sheets of vellum together with a metal fastener something like a small croquet hoop). Jim fucks Dwight's stapler. The real prank isn’t that Dwight was forced to clean up the disgusting mess Jim left behind - it’s when Dwight realizes two months later that his stapler is pregnant.
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Jan 7, 2023 00:14
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It’s a mediocre late 90s action movie where US Marshals are known as “erasers” because they help protect valuable witnesses. Jim fucks Dwight's eraser. The real prank isn’t that Dwight was forced to clean up the disgusting mess Jim left behind - it’s when Dwight realizes two months later that his eraser is pregnant.
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Jan 7, 2023 01:02
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It's Tudor England times in Olde Scranton. Rather than staple their documents on site, tenant paper salesman took their paper to a "stapler" (the term then referred to an actual human being who used a mallet and a special tool called a stapling iron to "staple" sheets of vellum together with a metal fastener something like a small croquet hoop). Jim fucks Dwight's stapler. The real prank isn’t that Dwight was forced to clean up the disgusting mess Jim left behind - it’s that sodomy is illegal, and Dwight is held responsible for the crimes of his, Dwight's, serf, Jim. As the gibbet is prepared before a baying crowd, Jim mugs the camera.
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Jan 7, 2023 01:13
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One morning Chips, the beloved monkey, is nowhere to be found. "Good." Says Stanley. "That thing took a poo poo on my desk." (It wasn't Chips.) Jim arrives, looking exhausted and with poorly concealed scratches on his face announces he has brought in Pennsylvania style BBQ as a treat for everyone to celebrate his big sale! (Jim has not made a sale since non paper modes of communication were invented.) As almost everyone but a wisely suspicious Dwight digs into this mysterious BBQ, Jim stares at their every bite intently while quietly muttering and moaning to himself, his poo poo faced grin at maximum level. He also has an erection.
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Jan 7, 2023 01:16
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The Butcher posted:One morning Chips, the beloved monkey, is nowhere to be found. I’m sorry but I was still imagining this happening in Tudor England.
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Jan 7, 2023 01:17
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Jim starts calling Dwight’s left slipper a “stapler”, for some reason.
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Jan 7, 2023 01:20
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Upgrade posted:Jim fucks Dwight’s stapler. The real prank isn’t that Dwight was forced to clean up the disgusting mess Jim left behind - it’s when Dwight realizes two months later that his stapler is pregnant. Because of the nuances of stapler anatomy, whenever Dwight tries to staple some papers together, a tiny Jim flies out
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Jan 7, 2023 01:26
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Dwight is forced to hang up on an important client to console his sobbing, pregnant stapler because she discovers Jim had sex with Dwight’s chair. Behind Dwight’s back Andy complains to Stanley that he “has no idea what the gently caress is happening.”
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Jan 7, 2023 01:48
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All this time, Jim never stopped being a Pranker. Without conscious thought, his nervous system had taken in all of the required information. To his left, a stapler. Too far away to encase in Jell-o, and not enough time for it to set in any event. He ignored it. To his left, at a safe distance, Kevin holding a big pot of lukewarm chili. Events would proceed without his intervention, so to hell with him. The corpse of a bird, which was an oddity, since birds were almost never seen flying over the Office. But ahead of him, a faint breeze when there should have been none. Jim wrapped a long piece of twine around a pencil, testing the knot at the end. He threw it straight ahead of him. Before it had gone three meters, it stopped in midair and twisted in on itself, like it was being snapped across an invisible knee. Further pencils over the course of the next few minutes mapped out the dimensions of the Prankhole anomaly to sufficient precision that he took the first few cautious steps around it. The Office always seemed to encourage you to move as quickly as possible, to wrap up your Prank in 23 minutes plus commercials, but Prankers who weren’t cautious simply never returned. It was only thirty more meters from the parking lot to the elevator, they could have crossed it in an instant, but that would have been suicide. Time and space in the Office was not as it seemed. A rusted tank, leftover from when the army had fruitlessly tried to contain the pranks, blocked the sliding door, but from his many trips in and out of The Office, Jim knew that if there were no major changes in the location of the known anomalies, you could squeeze through the broken window immediately to the right of the entrance and get in that way. From there it would be a few steps past the warehouse, up the back stairs, and then finally to Dwight’s desk, where he could place the fake letter from the IRS and be done with the thing. If all went well, it would take them no more than eight hours. But already Jim could hear the wails of a wandering Prankgeist, and the unnatural glow of Prankjelly coming from the basement. Pam spoke behind him. “What do you think the Office is?” “A sitcom.” Pam shuddered. “What did you say?” “A sitcom. Imagine a group of writers and actors going to a sound stage, bringing with them cameras and scripts and props and lights. The actors play their parts, go to craft services. They film scenes where actors play increasingly elaborate practical jokes on one another, and then they leave. The animals, birds, and insects that watched the events in horror creep out from their hiding places. What do they see? Discarded cue cards, whiteboards with unused plot elements on them, old gaffers tape on the carpet. A prop room full of unused items.” “I see. A roadside sitcom.”
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Jan 7, 2023 02:13
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Jim invites Dwight for a gourmet meal at Famous Jim's Original Sushi and feeds him the wrong part of the blowfish.
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Jan 7, 2023 02:33
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Jim mugs in the background as the camera captures the exact moment Dwight realizes he's eating blowfish penis.
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Jan 7, 2023 03:18
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Jim secretes himself beneath Dwight's desk and lies in wait with a mallet.
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Jan 7, 2023 03:20
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Concerned that the children are losing the Way of the Prank, Jim runs for school board, convincing all the Karens, religious people, gun and conspiracy nuts to vote for him by making nonsense proclamations about Satan, the theft of their guns, the secret of Atlantis, and how LGBT people turning their children into something they fear. He doesn't really care about or understand any of that stuff but he sees what keywords get them worked up, realizing by playing to their fear he can steer the masses. He runs with it, securing his spot easily. As his first order of business, drag queen story time is banned immediately, and will be replaced with clown story time, to protect the children. This appears to cause fear and distress in many children (what child does not love clowns?), so he arranges to have the guidance counselors replaced with clown counselors to help them. Later, at the first book burning while purging the school libraries of all non clown or prank related material, Jim stops his right hand clown from dumping the latest load of encyclopedias into the blaze. "Keep the "C" and "P" volumes. They contain valuable knowledge." The clown honks his comical nose, doing a silly dance in acknowledgment of the directive. Jim mulls a run for mayor, and after that, perhaps more...
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Jan 7, 2023 03:36
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Enter Michelangelo SCOTT SCOTT: We begin our tale in Scranton towne A colony begat without a frowne In a New World, full of japes like thunder Watched by the houses, Mifflin, and Dunder Tis a venture meant to forge hempen cloth Yet churlish pranks brew a rancorous broth For my hirelings, the fools James and Dwight Try my patience with all their might Dwight thinks himself the king of Scranton town Yet he’ll kiss my arse til his lips are brown And James, that knave, makes sport of Dwight Boiling his temper to an awful fright Join me now, and witness be The prank that James hath crafted for thee! Enter JAMES and DWIGHT DWIGHT: James! You idle fool; Does thou muggeth at me? You’ve lifted not a finger, it’s plain to see! I suffer Adam’s toil! I slave hard for my beets! Yet you do naught but pick your feet! What excuse have you for your endless shirking? Am I also to tolerate your insipid smirking? JAMES: Dwight, I do not see what is the matter. Why must your head swell like a bloated pig’s bladder? How could thou conspire a slander so daft? I’d produce twelve times the hemp paper you craft. But an ill twist of fortune vexes my labor. Could you not lend your stapler, like any good neighbor? Dwight opens his desk, horrified! DWIGHT: Fie on thee, James! May your penis stay flaccid! For you’ve suspended mine stapler in a soupçon of aspic! This torment is great; I will suffer none of this! When I speak to Scott, you’ll be thrown from the office. SCOTT: James, thou an imp! A scamp, a rascal! This foolish jape, causes Dwight so much hassle! What can you say, to his complain made so fairly! Apologize now, and thou should speak warily. JAMES: I’ve taken much time to consider my words. But Dwight’s stapler is not worth a bucket of turds! Sorry, not sorry, is what I’ll reply! I would do it again, and that is no lie! Scott, think long and hard, and take this to bed For in the end you’ll declare… JAMES & SCOTT: “That’s what she said!” Exit DWIGHT, pursued by a bear. JAMES mugs the audience Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 03:46 on Jan 7, 2023 |
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Jan 7, 2023 03:40
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Jim invites Dwight for a gourmet meal at Famous Jim's Original Sushi and Dwight was very surprised with the blowfish.
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Jan 7, 2023 04:08
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Jim is about to leave Dunder-Mifflin after tense contract negotiations with Michael. However, Jim wants a final feather in his cap. "I want to leave with the employee of the month award and all the privileges that entails." There's a photo, a party, permission to use the restricted EotM parking space for a month, a gift certificate, and a coupon book. Micheal understands that Jim wants this, but he's uncertain about letting Jim have all of that since he's not even going to be with the company, anymore. Conflicted, he agrees, but consults Dwight afterwards. "Dwight, Jim is leaving, but he really wants recognition as employee of the month. I'm asking you, please, work with him and give him some of your sales so I can in good conscious give him this award, fair and square." "Conscience," Dwight corrects. "Anyway, if I do this, how is it fair and square if we're plotting for him to win." "Let me worry about that, I'm a good judge, I won't let my personal feelings get in the way. Now, help Jim win at any cost..." For the next 29 days, Jim's antics in the office are that of a man who doesn't care if he gets fired or not, but it's already an open secret in the industry that the coveted award is already as good as Jim's. Dwight helplessly works himself to the bone trying to balance his own sales against Jim's non-existent ones. The end of the month can't come soon enough. As per usual, the award ceremony is to be in Canada, and the entire office gets a paid holiday to attend the company mandated event, this year renting out the Molson Centre. Jim, going into the building, adds several letters to the edifice's sign to make it say "Molestation Centre". He high fives Pam who is hiding her face in shame while their brood of children laugh. After several presenters, the highlight of the evening is about to occur. The lights dim and Dwight, the previous winner, goes up to the stage to officially pass off the symbols of the Employee of the Month award to Jim while standing beside Michael. Dwight clenches his teeth as Michael makes a speech celebrating the work ethic of the winner of this month's Employee of the Month award as Jim joins the pair on stage. Jim has planned to use his award speech to humiliate Dwight on the public stage, he nods to his kids who giddily await daddy's not only win of Employee of the Month, but his domination of Dwight with a massive prank. He can barely hold in his excitement, teasing a mug to a camera, but not quite fully committing. "It is my honor to award the Employee of the Month to..." Michael brushes past Jim and shakes Dwight's hand. "Dwight Schrute, our winner! Goodnight!" Jim's children scream, Pam takes another drink, and Jim spits on Michael for pranking HIM (Jim) and can''t believe it. The paper industry comes to call the event the Montreal Scrantjob. The Scrantjob remains a legend for years, with Dwight being vilified by the paper industry for selling out Jim for his own selfish gain. In the taped confession segment, Michael honestly admits he simply forgot about the agreement he'd made with Jim earlier that month.
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Jan 7, 2023 04:49
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Jim arrives with blood spattered on his clothes and face. He appears to have attempted to clean his face, but just kind of smudged it around. "Oh my god Jim!" Pam exclaims, leaping to her feet. "Are you okay?" Jim appears confused and looks down at himself and chuckles, "oh that, don't worry, it's not my blood." He begins his workday normally and surprisingly productively, and will not comment further on the topic. At lunchtime, he gets Creed aside and asks if he "knows where to get rid of things...?" Creed replies that he doesn't understand what he's asking about. Jim produces a $5 bill and a handful of mixed nuts from his pocket. He slips it to Creed. Creed nods and beckons Jim to follow him.
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Jan 7, 2023 09:34
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Jim secretes himself beneath Dwight's desk and lies in wait with a mullet.
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Jan 7, 2023 09:37
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Libra posted:Jim secretes himself beneath Dwight's desk and lies in wait with a mullet. He says it's part of the prank and he only has one ironically, but in truth, Jim thinks he looks good with that haircut.
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Jan 7, 2023 09:47
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Budgie Jim secretes himself beneath Dwight's desk and lies in wait with some millet.
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Jan 7, 2023 10:43
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Jim secretes a sticky layer of mucus and silk beneath Dwight's desk, spins it around himself into a chrysalis, and lies in wait.
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Jan 7, 2023 16:04
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Jim pinches both of Dwight's cheeks and shakes his jowls around.
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Jan 7, 2023 21:01
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Jim un-teaches Dwight how to use chop sticks so that he (Dwight) will make a fool of himself in front of the entire restaurant.
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Jan 7, 2023 22:16
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Jim begins sneezing in Dwight's face and saying that it's OK, because he's been vaccinated. When Dwight contracts the Covid-19 virus, he questions Jim about his vaccinations. Jim opens his drawer, revealing a set of syringes filled with the gooey innards of "Gushers" fruit snacks. He injects himself and smirks, saying he has "Never been healthier!"
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Jan 8, 2023 00:08
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Jim crawls under Dwight's house, intent on switching the hot and cold water pipes for Dwight's shower. But when he unscrews the first pipe, a torrent of foul smelling sewage sprays out. "Good enough" Jim thinks to himself. On his way out he sees a random dangling wire, and Jim severs it with his safety scissors. The next week Dwight has to call a plumber because his house smells like poo poo, and he has to call Cox because the cable in his guest suite stopped working.
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Jan 8, 2023 02:56
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Jim faces Dwight and yawns deeply. He starts slowly by opening his jaw, then squints his eyes and shuts them as he takes in a deep breath in a full yawn while making the yawning sound. Jim knows that seeing another person yawn, or even visualizing someone yawning deeply, will cause that person to also yawn. Sure enough Dwight begins to yawn. Jim mugs the 4th wall at the reader who's attempting to stifle a yawn of their own. "Yawn for me Dwight. I am the puppet master. Dance for me balloon boy dance" Jim whispers under his breath.
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Jan 8, 2023 03:06
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Jim faces Dwight and yawns deeply. He starts slowly by opening his jaw, then squints his eyes and shuts them as he takes in a deep breath in a full yawn while making the yawning sound. Jim knows that seeing another person yawn, or even visualizing someone yawning deeply, will cause that person to also yawn. Sure enough Dwight begins to yawn. Jim mugs the 4th wall at the reader who's attempting to stifle a yawn of their own. It worked and I'm kinda mad about it.
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Jan 8, 2023 03:31
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Pranked by Jim IRL.
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Jan 8, 2023 03:41
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On the way to perform his Pranksmas miracle, Jim is hit by a truck and reborn in a world where Dwight is King and pranks are outlawed.
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Jan 8, 2023 03:42
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Kevin emails everyone at the office (except Jim) and asks if they’ve seen the movie M3gan yet. Nobody has, so Kevin recommends in another email that they do, saying that it will “make sense” after they see it. At work on Monday a visibly uncomfortable Oscar mentions that he had to leave after M3gan described something as “pretty funny”. Meredith admits she couldn’t get past the scene where the robot mugged for the camera before becoming fully activated. Jim is unaware of any of this, declaring the film to be “a bunch of woke nonsense” and refusing to see it on principle. Dwight watches the movie again and wonders how the screenwriter captured so much of Jim in the robot M3gan, and why anyone could find the film “fun”. Dwight cries in a fully packed theater as M3gan continues her Jim-like reign of terror.
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Jan 8, 2023 20:00
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A robot bearing an uncanny likeness to Jim, dubbed “J1m”, begins to prank people at the office.
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Jan 8, 2023 20:50
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Jim sticks his fingers in the slot of a nintendo 64 and is able to recreate famous video games by shooting electricity through his fingers, into the pins. Jim uses this miraculous ability to make characters in game state "Dwight Sucks"
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Jan 8, 2023 21:10
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J1M sings Titanium by Sia at full blast for the entire duration of a work day. Not only does this annoy everyone besides Meredith (Meredith loves Sia) but it ruins all the footage filmed that day due to copyright restraints.
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Jan 8, 2023 21:12
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Jim sings Titanium by Sia at full blast for the entire duration of a work day. Not only does this annoy everyone besides Meredith (Meredith loves Sia) but it ruins all the footage filmed that day when Meredith had to be taken to the hospital (Jim screamed the refrain in her ear loud enough to rupture her eardrum).
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Jan 8, 2023 21:22
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Dwight spends weeks teaching J1M to love. After several laborious months with the concept of empathy, J1M turns to Dwight and asks, “Is pranking…. Wrong?” Suddenly, shocks start to fly out of J1M’s ears and he slumps over. Jim installed a failsafe that hard reboots J1M to factory settings and wipes his memory banks.
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Jan 8, 2023 21:25
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Jim sticks his fingers in the slot of a nintendo 64 and is able to recreate the entirety of Super Mario 64 by shooting electricity through his fingers, into the pins. Jim uses this miraculous ability to get all 120 stars and defeat Bowser without using the A button.
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Jan 8, 2023 23:36
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