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Outrail posted:Why isn't 'its okay if I don't get caught' an acceptable answer? Coz it clearly is You're taking the peon-tier training. That's only an acceptable answer once you reach leadership-tier. I want a sexual harassment video that's shot like an old Miami Vice episode. Two dudes with short shorts and chest hair at a diner where one of them casually gropes the waitress. The video pauses and the narrator who for some reason looks and sounds strangely similar to Walter Cronkite walks into the frame and asks us if the man should have A) Cupped her rear end less B) Gave it a slap instead C) Kept his hands to himself, and instead called her "sugar tits" or D) Excused himself to go do more cocaine in the men's room. Just 20 minutes of nonsense like that.
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Jan 17, 2023 04:10
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Outrail posted:Why isn't 'its okay if I don't get caught' an acceptable answer? Coz it clearly is Whoa whoa whoa whoa, that sounds like work not in my job description. Im just confirming I will be following the rules and regulations the company lays out to handle people who want bribes, whatever happens after that is not my problem.
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Jan 17, 2023 04:13
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Methylethylaldehyde posted:You're taking the peon-tier training. That's only an acceptable answer once you reach leadership-tier. That's not far off from Tim Horton's old sexual harassment video I watched on cdroms around 2000
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Jan 17, 2023 04:18
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Lol. As per usual I was giving myself a goddamn heart attack over scheduling, had a meeting with my boss to sort of confirm things and he was reasonable and flexible with regards to management requests and clearly communicated the beers took priority (which I'd pretty much already guessed). I know this about the guy, but I always end up killing myself in these situations because I'm so used to dealing with narcissistic sociopaths who have no idea how to run a brewery and refused to follow a production schedule at all, leading to biweekly overhauls.
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Jan 17, 2023 05:50
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Have you considered brewing up a batch of Isopropyl alcohol and burning everything to the ground?
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Jan 17, 2023 06:03
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Outrail posted:Have you considered brewing up a batch of Isopropyl alcohol and burning everything to the ground? I meant that things are actually pretty decent but I just sorta got all neurotic about scheduling. Fortunately, my direct boss is pretty flexible. I just started freaking out because it was like this giant puzzle and time dependent. It should be okay, if a little hectic. Fortunately, even at my most busy here I'm not too crazy busy. Wish we had more kegs tho.
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Jan 17, 2023 06:17
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The last two brewery owners I worked for couldn't manage a production schedule to save their lives. The first guy would actually sit down and work out a production schedule with me every month or so (although getting him to do so was sometimes next to impossible). The problem was, the schedule we came up with was mostly meaningless because literally within days, after we'd finalized a schedule and plans on what we'd be brewing and I'd gone back to the brewery to order ingredients, he'd call to tell me that we needed to completely overhaul the production schedule to make room for some beer he had suddenly decided we needed ASAP. Nevermind if we'd built part of the schedule off of cropping beer from one beer to make another (he also insisted on using expensive liquid yeast shipped from the US) or I now had to sit on a bunch of dark malts with summer approaching. We needed this thing ASAP! Other guy had me working on a shift schedule and would immediately say yes to any order without checking stock or the schedule and would suddenly move brew days and packaging days so the schedule was never worth the paper the thing was printed on. He'd also never really warn people it'd been updated. You'd go to check the schedule and realize it had suddenly changed. His packaging schedule was based on orders and most beers were packaged after less than two weeks in the tank. He always asked me why they had such diacetyl problems.  This place is very reasonable with all that. Sometimes the schedule shifts, but that's normal, and I get a lot of say in it. I was just driving myself crazy with self-induced stress more than anything. I think because of those two guys.
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Jan 17, 2023 06:33
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my work has some trainings that are have to do every ~6mo-yearly, but they're just a video with a ppt, with a little bottom banner popup that says "yes, i certify that i have reviewed <legal information>" the problem it that it looks JUST like one of those "accept all cookies" gdpr banners, and I keep mindlessly clicking it in the first 5 seconds of the video.
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Jan 17, 2023 06:53
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9Yo_vLDczQ
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Jan 17, 2023 10:55
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StrangersInTheNight posted:see how easy/hard the trainings are. suck up the money if they're easy enough to knock out quickly. my favs are the ones where you already know the poo poo going in and just have to let a video play through while dicking around online and answer a 5-10 question quiz on simple poo poo. Q 17, Fire Safety You notice a printer burst into flames in your office. Should you A) >>>> ACTIVATE THE FIRE ALARM AND LEAVE IMMEDIATELY <<<< B) Email your manager and await instructions. C) Go to the kitchen area and fill a bucket of water and tackle the blaze yourself. D) Empty the printer paper trays to deprive the fire of fuel.
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Jan 17, 2023 12:50
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Methylethylaldehyde posted:You're taking the peon-tier training. That's only an acceptable answer once you reach leadership-tier. Well? Which is it?
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Jan 17, 2023 12:51
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Stoatbringer posted:Well? Which is it? You fool, cocaine is always the answer.
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Jan 17, 2023 13:01
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Stoatbringer posted:Q 17, Fire Safety E. Hoot joyfully and throw another printer on the pyre.
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Jan 17, 2023 13:03
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My company has a daily limit on the trainings you can do cause that supposedly makes it so you will retain the info better, lol. If you go over the limit it makes you retake every. single. training. you did that day since it treats them like they all fail. 
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Jan 17, 2023 13:11
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My project engineer is moving off to pursue a promotion which is great for me and him, but there's no backfill and I'm on baby watch soon. 
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Jan 17, 2023 14:29
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Car Hater posted:E. Hoot joyfully and throw another printer on the pyre. F. Tell the printer they still need to call the help desk and submit a ticket.
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Jan 17, 2023 15:08
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Car Hater posted:E. Hoot joyfully and throw another printer on the pyre. Carry the printer to safety as all goons are trained to do
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Jan 17, 2023 15:10
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One of my vendors got hit with a cyberattack late last week and their system is down while they try to recover. The shop floor is still running because they just went to using paper riders instead of the computerized system, but they can't interact with things like our supplier portal and thus can't ship parts until things are fixed. I pulled together a list of parts and shipments that, if the outage continues over the next two weeks as expected, will be impacted and then sent it out to our customer sites to let them know the parts at risk. The only response I got was from one of our sites on the other side of the world: "Could you please help prioritize Vendor ship X part this week, already late to production. When could system in Vendor, up and running?" Now, I get that English is not this person's first or primary language and I am pretty used to some scattered sentence structures in our exchanges. The above, however, is just beyond anything they've sent me in the past. Both a request to ship parts immediately and an acknowledgement that the vendor's systems are down for some time. The same person tried to IM me at 8PM my time, so I get the feeling this is going to be a major problem for my last couple weeks.
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Jan 17, 2023 15:20
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Outrail posted:Why isn't 'its okay if I don't get caught' an acceptable answer? Coz it clearly is
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Jan 17, 2023 16:26
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The whole "online employee training" scam has even spread to education. I'm a college student and every freshman at my school had to take a "drug awareness" course and a "sexual consent course" which both equated to watching a bunch of edutaining "What would you do?" style videos and reading statistics about how you should never drink and drive, followed with a 30 minute test asking about Alcohol Units and other poo poo we could easily google
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Jan 17, 2023 17:00
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Stoatbringer posted:Q 17, Fire Safety Pull fire alarm, secure power, attack with extinguisher, basically simultaneously
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Jan 17, 2023 17:28
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Barudak posted:We have a custom training at my program and the answers to most questions are the answer that is closest to "that sounds like a crime. I would definitely not bribe that guy and instead call this guy in our company who handles that who I will never investigate what they do or how they do their work." 💻: "Your boss asks you to actually sell things." 🤔: "That definitely seems like a crime."
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Jan 17, 2023 17:42
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I used to have to do a yearly cGMP/cGDP training and quiz and boy howdy did the company you worked for and other agencies watch you on camera taking it and look at the results. Got to take it unlimited times, too. Should probably take it once if it's literally everything you do at work. Multiple failures wasn't a termination, but 32 by a new hire was.
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Jan 17, 2023 17:48
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mutantIke posted:The whole "online employee training" scam has even spread to education. I'm a college student and every freshman at my school had to take a "drug awareness" course and a "sexual consent course" which both equated to watching a bunch of edutaining "What would you do?" style videos and reading statistics about how you should never drink and drive, followed with a 30 minute test asking about Alcohol Units and other poo poo we could easily google That's actually a really good example of the difference between a CYA bullshit thing and an actual learning opportunity. The place I went to college had an actual, mandatory class for all incoming freshmen. I want to say it was groups of 20 or so, and it was all that stuff gone over in a solid afternoon with actual frank discussions about what went on on campus and how not to be a date rapist piece of poo poo. One chunk was with a faculty member present, the other was just with one of the dorm RA's. It was, by far, the most useful 'how not to be a creep' talk I've ever taken part in and MILES better than the bullshit I've seen in other places from the faculty side of things.
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Jan 17, 2023 18:14
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slurm posted:Pull fire alarm, secure power, attack with extinguisher, basically simultaneously actually it's chuckle heartily and let someone else deal with it
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Jan 17, 2023 18:19
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kru posted:actually it's chuckle heartily and let someone else deal with it Bonus if you say "I ain't paid for this poo poo" as you casually walk away.
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Jan 17, 2023 18:35
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kru posted:actually it's chuckle heartily and let someone else deal with it Long ago, I had to do some fire warden training for the office I worked in. And one of the things they pounded into our head was if someone smells smoke, my job was to get to a safe place then either pull the fire alarm or call 911. And that was the sum total of what I had to do. Which upset a lot of coworkers because they seemed to think it was a position with real responsibility. Like it was now part of my job to confirm a fire is an actual fire. Or seek out the managers and consult with them if people are supposed to leave. It wasn't official policy, just more people not wanting to make a decision. People seriously expected me to use the hoses on the wall to try to put out the fire. With no gear, or air. Nope. I mean I would have helped people with disabilities or injuries get to stairwell. But gently caress if I'm putting my life at risk to convince you that your safety is more important than a conference call.
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Jan 17, 2023 18:55
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This is fantastic!
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Jan 17, 2023 19:26
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IT handles all the billing for IT and not finance. IT is also facilities
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Jan 17, 2023 19:32
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Cyrano4747 posted:That's actually a really good example of the difference between a CYA bullshit thing and an actual learning opportunity. The place I went to college had an actual, mandatory class for all incoming freshmen. I want to say it was groups of 20 or so, and it was all that stuff gone over in a solid afternoon with actual frank discussions about what went on on campus and how not to be a date rapist piece of poo poo. One chunk was with a faculty member present, the other was just with one of the dorm RA's. It was, by far, the most useful 'how not to be a creep' talk I've ever taken part in and MILES better than the bullshit I've seen in other places from the faculty side of things. Good point, yeah. Forgot that like 40% of college freshmen are "my dad owns a dealership" types who just show up to drink and gently caress. Anyway this semester I'm in a mandatory "Life Coaching" program due to getting one (1) C+ which is the REAL pointless bullshit
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Jan 17, 2023 21:01
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I think it's acceptable to go back into a burning office to save your lunch or stash of stolen stationary.
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Jan 17, 2023 21:26
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I have over 170 training modules and most are yearly, a few are every 2-3 years. Thankfully only 8 or so feature videos over 8 minutes (the worst is three thirty minutes videos) and only maybe 3 require in person practical/practical demonstrations (after the initial) The refreshers are usually a bit easier than the initials as well. I also have a few one time only trainings. There are hundreds of buildings where I work and if I have to work in another team's backyard I inherit a minimum amount of their building specific training. One that stood out basically gave the building's blueprints and where the air was coming in from, (because it's a giant vault) and told where to disable the building, this is so I know how to tell on bad actors presumably to prevent tragedy. There are several areas where you must report strange things but DO NOT take initiative to help because you WILL make it worse.
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Jan 17, 2023 21:57
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I actually found the last IT Security training video I did informative. It highlighted potential phishing scams using websites with other exchanges, like instead of .com, the site ended in .ca. It wasn't terribly acted either.
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Jan 17, 2023 23:40
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Sometimes IT would drop USB sticks in the parking lots, hand -labeled HR or something similar. Guess the pass/fail criteria for that one!
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Jan 17, 2023 23:48
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TotalLossBrain posted:Sometimes IT would drop USB sticks in the parking lots, hand -labeled HR or something similar. Man I bet 90% plugged that bitch in.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:08
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Boss sent me a meeting for 2023 goals, no heads up, no details. Wonder if I'm getting PIPed.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:23
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StrangersInTheNight posted:see how easy/hard the trainings are. suck up the money if they're easy enough to knock out quickly. my favs are the ones where you already know the poo poo going in and just have to let a video play through while dicking around online and answer a 5-10 question quiz on simple poo poo. That's literally every mando training at my work. I wait for a wodge of "recommended 40 minutes" training to all be overdue at once then speedrun them without reading any of it. You've got to be non sentient to not get 100% in them, they're sales/compliance box ticks. Got 6-7 done in an hour once.
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Jan 18, 2023 00:33
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Quaint Quail Quilt posted:I have over 170 training modules and most are yearly, a few are every 2-3 years. Do you work in hanger 51?
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Jan 18, 2023 00:50
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Outrail posted:Do you work in hanger 51?
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Jan 18, 2023 01:17
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I just had to take a 3 hour class in the middle of the day cause they couldn’t schedule a night shift one for 4 months. It primarily covered travel, work from home and expensing purchases. Which are all useless since I can’t travel, all my work is on the machines in the cleanroom, I can’t work from home since all my work is on the machines in the cleanroom, and I don’t expense anything since there’s nothing I can purchase. Also there seems to be a software glitch on our test terminals because sometimes when I enter my login info I get logged in as a different user. And it’s not even a different user with a similar login, its a radically different ID.
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Jan 18, 2023 02:48
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