[UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

(Thread IKs: sharknado slashfic)

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

Jon Irenicus posted:

also THEY ARE GAINING SIDES

An octagonal prism viewed from the side looks like a cylinder

So they were always octagonal and always will be and if you're not down with that you can gently caress off

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:29

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# ? May 24, 2024 13:27

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

Egg Moron posted:

poo poo the size of small cars is just blowing around up there?

Yeah I don't buy this angle, I've been on plenty of flights in my life and always opt for the window seat whenever possible and I don't ever see anything up there (that shouldn't have been up there, anyway) much alone something the size of a car or 3 buses or whatever. But now the skies are stuffed to the brim with gigantic flying trash?

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:31

goochtit: Nov 2, 2021

PokeJoe posted:

Sir another Coleman has hit the freedom tower

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:33

Sleekly: Aug 21, 2008

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:33

TheLemonOfIchabod: Aug 26, 2008

last time i checked, "sky trash" usually becomes "ground trash" in short order, with little f-22 intervention required

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:33

Just a Moron: Nov 11, 2021

"Stuffed to the brim" is relative. The sky is a big place and they're picking up objects in areas covering multiple states

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:34

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Yeah uh, what the gently caress is "sky trash"? People keep using "sky trash" like it's a common everyday thing to see car-sized objects floating in the loving skies over North America like that's a common occurrence!!! What in the loving gently caress?

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:35

mistermojo: Jul 3, 2004

drat imagine some poor bear getting bonked on the head with a piece of debris

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:35

Jon Irenicus: Apr 23, 2008; YO ASSHOLE

Egg Moron posted:

An octagonal prism viewed from the side looks like a cylinder

So they were always octagonal and always will be and if you're not down with that you can gently caress off

sorry this is now an abstract JRPG apocalypse

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:35

Sleekly: Aug 21, 2008

TheLemonOfIchabod posted:

last time i checked, "sky trash" usually becomes "ground trash" in short order, with little f-22 intervention required

Al! posted:

the f-22 "janitor"

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:35

Rickshaw: Apr 11, 2004; just a coconut going for a stroll

SKULL.GIF posted:

So the last time we had the military involved with "unusual activity" above the Great Lakes, a pilot and his plane straight up vanished: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felix_Moncla

I am very behind in this thread right now but I wanted to point out that the great lakes region, for whatever reason, is the #1 hotspot for black triangle UFOs. I've noticed this pattern over the years. It ranks up there with Catalina island IMO. No idea what to make of it.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:36

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

What even is happening anymore

Why won't they tell us what the gently caress is going on

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:37

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

This whole thread rn

https://youtu.be/Qssvnjj5Moo

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:37

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

The thing that boggles me is:

Scenario 1: commie spy balloon
It's a major threat to ~our way of life,~ these were previously undetected because of filters

They incompetently left the filters on for years

Scenario 2: sky trash
Meaningless garbage apparently just floats all over the place all the time

They incompetently spent millions blowing up plastic

Scenario 3: 🛸
What the gently caress!?

Doesn't seem wise no matter what lol not a great look

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:39

Sleekly: Aug 21, 2008

SniperWoreConverse posted:

The thing that boggles me is:

Scenario 1: commie spy balloon
It's a major threat to ~our way of life,~ these were previously undetected because of filters

They incompetently left the filters on for years

Scenario 2: sky trash
Meaningless garbage apparently just floats all over the place all the time

They incompetently spent millions blowing up plastic

Scenario 3: 🛸
What the gently caress!?

Doesn't seem wise no matter what lol not a great look

yeah its p cool!

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:41

PawParole: Nov 16, 2019

https://twitter.com/krassenstein/status/1624872069816016896

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:42

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

Americans shoot at garbage all the drat time nbd

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:42

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

its whatever you think is the dumbest thing to happen is

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:42

Sleekly: Aug 21, 2008

https://twitter.com/laraseligman/status/1624901585917575169?s=20&t=gjUzFzvz9B4nQEG-AO6yfg

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:42

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

If sky trash is real and dangerous how come it isn't getting sucked into jet engines and crashing helicopters all the time??

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:44

Al!: Apr 2, 2010

this one time my dad insisted on grilling even though tgere was a pretty heavy thunderstorm and when he got the cover off the wind picked it up and blew it away forever. anyway i hope an f22 brings that fucker to justice

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:45

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

Egg Moron posted:

Americans shoot at garbage all the drat time nbd

don't call school children garbage

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:45

Mr SuperAwesome: Apr 6, 2011; im from the bad post police, and i'm afraid i have bad news

lol, lmao

https://twitter.com/kenklippenstein/status/1624900629511434240

eh tweet deleted but a military guy worrying that they are gonna get too bloodthirsty for balloons and do another iran airlines 655 but over the us this time

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

strange feelings re Daisy: Aug 2, 2000

Jon Irenicus posted:

sorry this is now an abstract JRPG apocalypse

Room full of generals getting increasingly angry and confused as the scientists try to explain Shin Megami Tensei and Evangelion to them.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

Mr SuperAwesome posted:

lol, lmao

https://twitter.com/kenklippenstein/status/1624900629511434240

deleted

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

SniperWoreConverse posted:

If sky trash is real and dangerous how come it isn't getting sucked into jet engines and crashing helicopters all the time??

If it's real how come I've never seen any across forty years of life?

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

PawParole: Nov 16, 2019

https://twitter.com/DeItaone/status/1624901547669786624

https://twitter.com/DeItaone/status/1624901405168267265

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

fanfic insert: Nov 4, 2009

Kobe was the first casualty in the USA vs Sky trash wars

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:46

Bullfrog: Nov 5, 2012

According to my studies, trash has existed for far longer than a week ago and yet.... and yet, f22s never shot them down

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:47

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

mycomancy posted:

If it's real how come I've never seen any across forty years of life?

Today is the day the trash rose up for vengeance

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:49

fanfic insert: Nov 4, 2009

Bullfrog posted:

According to my studies, trash has existed for far longer than a week ago and yet.... and yet, f22s never shot them down

yeah but it wasn't until a week ago that Blinken was pooping his pants about meeting Xi and Biden had to come up with an excuse to get him out of it and republicans made a stink about it

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:50

Fitzy Fitz: May 14, 2005

PawParole posted:

https://twitter.com/DeItaone/status/1624901547669786624

To be fair it would be pretty difficult to fly across much of the US without flying in proximity to sensitive military sites. They are literally everywhere.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:51

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

Mola Yam posted:

i want it to be flying saucers but it's just sky junk and america is stupid and insane and just yosemite sam shooting into the air because they're embarassed about the big chinese balloons the other week

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:53

Mola Yam: Jun 18, 2004; Kali Ma Shakti de!

i mean if these are aliens or transdimensional angels why have they suddenly become such bad pilots as to lose 4+ craft in a week?

this is warmongering bullshit. the first balloon opened the door to a great opportunity to get everyone whipped up about china.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:53

Log082: Nov 8, 2008

It's sky trash. You don't need a lot of it when the chinese balloon made every air defense radar operator freak out and turn off the (very sensible) filters on their rig, they're going to find some weird poo poo when they're searching the entire north american airspace.

You know the real proof it wasn't aliens, though? Every time we've tried to shoot down aliens, it hasn't loving worked.

Here's what happens when you try to shoot down actual UFOs:

Comandante Oscar Santa Maria Huertas (Ret.), Peruvian Air Force posted:

On April 11, 1980 at 7:15 a.m., a Friday morning, I was stationed at the La Joya Air Force Base in the Arequipa region of Peru. [...]

A chief of service arrived in a van and got out to tell us there was an object that looked like some kind of balloon suspended in the air toward the end of the runway. [Oscar is ordered to destroy a suspected spy balloon]

I then positioned myself for the attack. Zeroing in on the balloon, I reached the necessary distance and shot a burst of sixty-four 30 mm shells, which created a cone-shaped "wall of fire" that would normally obliterate anything in its path. Some of the projectiles deviated from the target, falling to the ground, and others hit it with precision. I thought that the balloon would then be torn open and gases would start pouring out of it. But nothing happened. It seemed as if the huge bullets were absorbed by the balloon, and it wasn't damaged at all. Then suddenly the object began to ascend very rapidly and head away from the base. [...]

My jet flew at a speed of 600 mph (950 km/hr) and the "balloon" remained about 1,600 feet (500 meters) in front of me. [...]

I was in full pursuit of the object, when it came to a sudden stop and forced me to veer to the side. [...] I locked on to the target and was ready to shoot. But just at that moment, the object made another fast climb, evading the attack. [Oscar continues the attack.]

I attempted this same attack maneuver two more times. Each time, I had the object on target when it was stationary. And each time, the object escaped by ascending vertically seconds before I started to fire.

[Oscar tries to get above the object instead, ascending at Mach 1.2]

But to my surprise, the object ascended once again at a high speed and placed itself next to me in parallel formation! This left me without any possibility of attack.

[Running low on fuel, Oscar tries to get in close for a look at his "foe"]

I got as close as about 300 feet (100 meters) from it. I was started to see that the "balloon" was not a balloon at all. It was an object that measured about 35 feet (10 meters) in diameter with a shiny dome on top that was cream-colored, similar to a light bulb cut in half. The bottom was a wider circular base, a silver color, and looked like some kind of metal. It lacked all the typical components of aircraft. [...] At that moment, I realized this was not a spying device but a UFO, something totally unknown. I was almost out of fuel, so I couldn't attack or maneuver my plane, or make a high-speed escape. Suddenly I was afraid. I thought I might be finished.

[Oscar gets the hell out of there, ending the encounter.]

General Parviz Jafari (Ret.), Iranian Air Force posted:

[This account takes place on the evening of September 18, 1976

We kept it locked on with radar. The size on the radar scope was comparable to that of a 707 tanker.

At this moment, I thought this was my chance to fire at it. But when it - whatever it was - was close to me, my weapons jammed and my radio were garbled. We got closer, to 25 miles at our twelve o'clock position. All of a sudden it jumped back to 27 miles in an instant. I wondered what it was. I was still seeing that giant, brilliant diamond shape with pulsating, colored lights.

Then I was startled by a round object which came out of the primary object and started coming straight toward me at a high rate of speed, almost as if it were a missile.

[Parviz reasons that if it is a missile, it'll have a heat signature, and the radar for the radar guided missiles is still locked on to the main target anyway. He selects an AIM-9 heat seeker to shoot down the enemy "missile."]

I attempted to fire, and looked at the panel to confirm my selection of the missile. Suddenly, nothing was working. The weapons control panel was out, and I lost all the instruments, and the instruments were fluctuating. At this point, I was even more frightened. I couldn't communicate with the tower, and had to scream to talk to my backseater.

[Parviz takes evasive action. The "missile" turns away and rejoins the main craft, only for another to appear and circle the aircraft. Parviz sights another UFO in the process of returning to base "looking like a thin rectangle with a light at each end and one in the middle," which his backseater also spots, noting "a round dome over it with a dim light inside of it." While circling to land, the original diamond object sends one of its missile/probes/things to land, and Parviz is directed to abort his return to base and examine it. Once again, getting within four or five miles results in communications difficulties. The landed thing has an signal similar to an emergency squawk that is even noted by nearby civilian airliners.]

During this, an American colonel, Olin Mooy, a U.S. Air Force officer with the U.S. Military Advisory and Assistance Group posted in Tehran, sat to my left, and he was turning pages over on his clipboard and taking notes. When I explained how I couldn't fire the missile because my panel went out, even though I tried, he said, "You're lucky you couldn't fire." Afterward, I wanted to talk to him, and ask if this kind of thin had been seen before, and I had other questions. I looked for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

Next they then took me and Lieutenant Damirian to the hospital. We had a round of tests, especially blood tests. When I was about to leave, a doctor came running after me and said, "Don't worry about this, but your blood is not coagulating."

[Parvis goes with others to tour where the bright object landed. There are no signs of landing, and no object is ever found. The emergency squawk like beeping continues for several days. Parvis ends his account with two regrets: That he didn't have a camera to attempt to take a picture, and that he was too excited to attempt to communicate with the UFO.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:53

Don Pigeon: Oct 29, 2005; Great pigeons are not born great. They grow great by eating lots of bread crumbs.

Sleekly posted:

https://twitter.com/laraseligman/status/1624901585917575169?s=20&t=gjUzFzvz9B4nQEG-AO6yfg

There are sensitive DOD sites literally everywhere though.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:54

Chamale: Jul 11, 2010; I'm helping!

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:56

Log082: Nov 8, 2008

I really love this bit, in particular:

General Parviz Jafari (Ret.), Iranian Air Force posted:

During this, an American colonel, Olin Mooy, a U.S. Air Force officer with the U.S. Military Advisory and Assistance Group posted in Tehran, sat to my left, and he was turning pages over on his clipboard and taking notes. When I explained how I couldn't fire the missile because my panel went out, even though I tried, he said, "You're lucky you couldn't fire." Afterward, I wanted to talk to him, and ask if this kind of thin had been seen before, and I had other questions. I looked for him, but he was nowhere to be found.

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:57

Bullfrog: Nov 5, 2012

https://twitter.com/GoodyearBlimp/status/1624896492841451521

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:58

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# ? May 24, 2024 13:27

Mr SuperAwesome: Apr 6, 2011; im from the bad post police, and i'm afraid i have bad news

anyway how long until they accidentally shoot down a passenger plane after confusing it for a balloon/UFO/whatever

# ? Feb 12, 2023 23:58

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