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I realize this and do appreciate the message. Now I just gotta convince my mom of this. Think I'd have an easier time convincing the republicans to play nice.
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Feb 25, 2023 13:22
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What does your brother actually want to do here? Does he want to leave with the kids or does he just want coping strategies, or what? It's hard to help or offer advice without any kind of goal in mind.
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Feb 25, 2023 13:31
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He wants to know how to legally and officially get out of China with as much of his direct family as possible. Getting the wife out depends entirely on her at this point. Optimally, he wants to at least get both children out of China if he is forced to leave. Worst case scenario, he wants to know a way to actually get out of China intact. Peace of mind for him comes with a clear path through his current situation and he is quite aware of how goddamn hosed he is without his passport. So far we have at least managed to tell him where he actually roughly is in China. That's a good start. Plus we've gotten him some contact points, phone numbers and a few anecdotal tier info dumps on his ability to actually get cash out of an ATM and whether he has to worry about scheduling a pcr test before flying out. Once he knows where he is and he knows that he can reliably leave the country safely, he can focus on saving his marriage. Currently he is alternating between fearing for his life, feeling completely caged and feeling like the worst of this has passed and they are on the road to fixing their marriage. I can't do poo poo to help him cope with the life he chose, so I'm focusing on showing him where he is and helping him navigate the paperwork labyrinth. SerthVarnee fucked around with this message at 13:51 on Feb 25, 2023 |
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Feb 25, 2023 13:38
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Can the Danish embassy help? Presumably they've got people in country who know the details of what he can and can't do and have likely gone through this sort of situation before, and being able to communicate with your brother directly instead of relaying second hand information via email might be more effective too.
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Feb 25, 2023 13:48
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I've already sent him links to both Danish Consulates and the Danish Embassy, a direct number to the foreign ministry's 24/7 emergency phone line and told him to just let me know if he needs me to make a phone call on his behalf. We'll see what he ends up doing from here. Thanks again for the help everyone.
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Feb 25, 2023 13:53
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SerthVarnee posted:He wants to know how to legally and officially get out of China with as much of his direct family as possible. Airasia has a direct flight from Changsha to Bangkok, so he can gtfo if he really feels like he has to. I don't think a COVID test is required to LEAVE china, the real problem will be bringing the kids with him if they entered on Chinese documents...
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Feb 25, 2023 14:00
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yaffle posted:Airasia has a direct flight from Changsha to Bangkok, so he can gtfo if he really feels like he has to. I don't think a COVID test is required to LEAVE china, the real problem will be bringing the kids with him if they entered on Chinese documents... Yeah I think he is proper hosed there and he knows it. So now he is keeping all my info in the back of his mind and focusing on going for a perfect outcome. We'll see in a few days how that went I guess.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:03
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SerthVarnee posted:He wants to know how to legally and officially get out of China with as much of his direct family as possible. Is he afraid that his wife is going to try to stay and keep the children? He doesn't have to be certain, even a suspicion merits getting the gently caress out ASAP.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:11
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Haystack posted:Is he afraid that his wife is going to try to stay and keep the children? He doesn't have to be certain, even a suspicion merits getting the gently caress out ASAP. She is threatening it a lot yes. She is also in possession of all their documents and he got caught flatfooted by the ferocity of her venting. So he feels forced to consider this might be a serious threat to his family and to his own security in China. Might just end up as a whole lot of venting and then everything is fine, but....yeah.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:17
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based upon what you've told us, i estimate about an 60% chance your brother never getting to see his kids again
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Feb 25, 2023 14:20
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Yeah. That seems like the likely outcome unfortunately. Can't say we didn't try our best though.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:22
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bob dobbs is dead posted:based upon what you've told us, i estimate about an 80% chance your brother never getting to see his kids again It's definatly a thing that happens. One of the kids in my sons Cub Scout pack got yeeted away into the hinterlands of China by his mom and her new boyfriend, leaving a very pathetic American dad behind. (He always wore cowboy boots though, so perhaps it was for the best).
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Feb 25, 2023 14:24
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Yeah, that's... really really bad. It sounds like his wife is holding all the cards, and that his best move might be to do the best acting job of his life to convince her to let the kids go home. Alternately, he might want to just take the kids in the middle of the night and try to get to an embassy or airport and work things out from there. He definitely needs to be calling the embassy yesterday to see about getting emergency replacement passports. Worst case, he needs to get home himself and make plans for being a long-distance father. The marriage is hosed, btw. It sounds like it was built on bad foundations to begin with, and this isn't the sort of thing you should let pass.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:39
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SerthVarnee posted:She is threatening it a lot yes. She is also in possession of all their documents and he got caught flatfooted by the ferocity of her venting. So he feels forced to consider this might be a serious threat to his family and to his own security in China. If she's threatening it then that's enough he has to get out. That whole marriage from what you've told us sounds like it's at its end and it should end with him and his kids not in China. This sounds lovely to say but if he can't be assed to learn how to install amap he needs to get his poo poo together if he ever wants to see his children again. China is hard but I'm an idiot and I somehow manage every day.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:42
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I'm not gonna lie, I don't think there's much marriage left to save from the sound of it. When you're at the point where you're genuinely looking into how to get your kids out of the country without your wife actively preventing them from leaving I don't see any possible outcome that doesn't end with someone or another blowing up. I mean Christ, the whole thing is halfway to an undeclared custody battle already. It also frankly doesn't sound like your brother is remotely well-equipped to navigate relationship issues of this scale, nor does his wife sound like she's got particularly healthy coping strategies (which isn't surprising given how "mental health issues" is still a dirty word in China). Even if the "storm might pass," what, are they going to go back to China periodically and let him experience the gom jabbar every few years when she's feeling stressed? Mind you, I get that it's not your call to make or your problem to deal with, just noting what it looks like from outside.
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Feb 25, 2023 14:58
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BrainDance posted:If she's threatening it then that's enough he has to get out. I generally agree, but it may be difficult to get the kids away from his wife's family. He'd likely have to sneak them off, arranging for transport and shelter as he goes. Getting kids out of China in the middle of the night with nothing but a credit card sounds seem pretty daunting.
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Feb 25, 2023 15:03
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If the kids entered on Chinese passports there could be real problems trying to leave even if he was somehow able to get emergency replacement passports for everyone, as there would be no visa or other record of how they got into China when they pass through immigration. If he's serious about trying to GTFO he needs those originals by any means possible. To be brutally frank nothing you have told us about your brother paints a picture of someone able to pull his poo poo together in order to pull a midnight runner with his kids, even if the situation may be dire enough to consider doing it. He's going to need air tickets, passports, and a successfully configured Wechat/Alipay account in order to use Didi* to pay for a long-distance ride to the airport** and so far he hasn't even been able to be assed to figure out exactly where he even is in China without outside help. His best bet might be to put on a rictus grin and say "yes, dear" a lot for the next couple of weeks. * or another rideshare app, but at least Didi definitely has English throughout ** he could concievably do this with a taxi paid in cash but nothing about your brother gives me confidence that he would be able to negotiate a long-distance ride like that with minimal language skills
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Feb 25, 2023 15:08
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Your brother could pretend there is a medical family emergency at home and try to cut the trip short this way. Definitely don't try to stir any kind of drama until the kids are safe on EU territory. The vibe I'm getting from Chinese bureaucrats and judges is that they would sign off on an abduction of Chinese citizenship children with zero hesitation, just out of spite. If possible, better not get them involved. Also, you could watch the hit 90s movie "Not without my daughter" to learn how they got out. I think they got out? I don't remember anymore
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Feb 25, 2023 15:19
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Yeah I don’t think he’s leaving with the kids. He’s gonna be lucky to get himself out.
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Feb 25, 2023 15:58
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free chinatown
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Feb 25, 2023 15:59
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haven't read the thread but i 'm assuming this is the place for that
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Feb 25, 2023 15:59
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my pet theory goons brother should just hunker down let the wife vent, have her power trip. At some point it will be time to go back to the neatherlands I assume they have return tickets.
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Feb 25, 2023 16:06
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Denmark, but yes they have return tickets. They'll be flying home in about a month. Having finally narrowed it down to "good enough to feel like he knows where he is", I can officially say that I've helped my brother out as much as I possibly can from here, and the rest is up to him and his legendary stubbornness. I got him his location, his emergency contacts with the Danish government, checked on flights, visa restrictions and covid test requirements and I can't do a loving thing from here from this point on. Goddamn I'm tired. Thanks again for all the help everyone and yeah I agree his stupid stubborn rear end is screwed. Especially since he is so rules bound that he won't install a VPN to find his own rear end when he is fearing for his life. Good luck brother. I love you dearly and you are dumb as gently caress.
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Feb 25, 2023 16:16
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drat that sucks, hope the kids are Ok.
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Feb 25, 2023 16:35
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SerthVarnee posted:They'll be flying home in about a month. I'm not an expert on Danish laws, but this is where the whole story falls apart. There is absolutely zero chance a school - that at least the older kid has to attend - gave permission to just gently caress off for a month. If this is real, even if your idiot brother manages to escape the *checks notes* in-laws' home he is utterly incapable of running his own life or to provide for his kids.
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Feb 25, 2023 16:51
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There was some circumstances involving the father in law being bed-ridden for life at this point and the whole family going to visit them for what could be the last time and I'm honestly so drat tired by now that I'm entirely checked out. I managed to shuffle this whole mess on to my dad and he gets to do the fun song and dance with the Danish foreign ministry's emergency line to work this mess out. I found the fucker. I'm done.
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Feb 25, 2023 16:55
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Haier would know what to do
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Feb 25, 2023 17:25
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Skrill.exe posted:Haier would know what to do Haier used chinese phones and app so he had instant translation and maps. He also IIRC put his seed in women who just wanted mixed babies and not marry them.
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Feb 25, 2023 17:26
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SerthVarnee posted:Especially since he is so rules bound that he won't install a VPN to find his own rear end when he is fearing for his life. Uhhh yah if you dont read the language you kinda need a VPN just so all the apps you depend on still work. That is like step loving one of preparing for a china trip. poo poo, install two or three vpns on your phone before you leave in case one stops working. If he had Google translate, getting money out of an ATM and negotiating cash with a cabbie actually shouldn't be *too* hard. Honestly, I'm thinking about how our cultural preconceptions are working here. We're trying to figure out how to aid this inept dude in smuggling kids away from their mom and out of the country. If it was happening in almost any other country, that would obviously be perceived as a Very Bad Thing to do. In any case, let us know if the danish embassy ends up organizing an extraction from awkward meal time with inlaws!
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Feb 25, 2023 18:47
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Will do! For now I'm quite happy to report that this is all someone else's problem and I can go back to my relaxing dayjob of having random seizures from games and then writing about it.
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Feb 25, 2023 18:54
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ima invoke do ut des here and ask for more deets
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Feb 25, 2023 18:54
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BrainDance posted:That whole marriage from what you've told us sounds like it's at its end and it should end with him and his kids not in China. This sounds lovely to say but if he can't be assed to learn how to install amap he needs to get his poo poo together if he ever wants to see his children again. loving thank you. All the people reacting that this is 'normal' was wigging me out. Like, even if we just break it down to the facts we've heard and nothing else, two repressed people making their mode of communication 'not saying anything until a complete mental breakdown occurs' is some poo poo he should get out of, if he can! But to have a hope of getting out quickly, he needs to find some support outside of his brother, halfway across the world, who knows nothing of how he can proceed. He needs someone nearby who knows how things work. StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Feb 25, 2023 |
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Feb 25, 2023 18:58
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its not normal but its the 5th or 6th time ive seen it w western dudes marrying east asian women so i aint surprised. deffo not the first time in this thread, even
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Feb 25, 2023 18:59
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Oh yeah, it's just interesting how it's changed expectations from 'that's hosed up' to 'thats hosed up but is it real abuse' and the answer is yes  it's still abuse even if it happens often
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Feb 25, 2023 19:02
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If the inlaws are like beating him with sticks and not feeding him, he can actually just go walk down the street and find a policeman. They will laugh and laugh at him, but they will go get his passport and get him out of the country. The kids aren't coming with him though, heh.
Baddog fucked around with this message at 19:05 on Feb 25, 2023 |
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Feb 25, 2023 19:03
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this is an amazing part of harris brickens "no no we only do transactional law and some litigation, please dont email us again we talk to businesses only, not all law firms do all law gently caress off now" non-practice, too, iirc
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Feb 25, 2023 19:03
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bob dobbs is dead posted:ima invoke do ut des here and ask for more deets Once more in simpler terms for the massively exhausted people?
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Feb 25, 2023 19:04
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SerthVarnee posted:Once more in simpler terms for the massively exhausted people? "i get epileptic seizures for a living" is not a normal job. spread details plz
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Feb 25, 2023 19:04
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bob dobbs is dead posted:"i get epileptic seizures for a living" is not a normal job. spread details plz Oh! right! sorry, I'm a bit mushy brained right now. https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3987999&pagenumber=1 Too long, Didn't Click: I get seizures from playing games sometimes.' Instead of being raging and cursing up a storm about it, I write down all the details I can remember and post it as an article both in that thread and on this blog. https://electronicepileptic.wordpress.com/ Over the last two years, I've gone from being an unknown disabled guy in sweden, to being listed by Microsoft as a noteworthy epilepsy consultant and developer resource and have even had a consultancy round with NASA about the James Webb Space Telescope images giving me seizures on about 60% of their released images.
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Feb 25, 2023 19:08
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drat, cool beans
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Feb 25, 2023 19:38
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